alanm00ch

[alanm00ch]

Proud to be Colorado Sports Fan

To me, there will be no greater year in sports than watching my teams winning the crown.

In the ‘21-’22 NHL Season, the Colorado Avalanche went to the top of the west, they battled every step of the way, went up against the Lightning in the Finals, and they claimed the crown in 6 games with a 2-1 win in Tampa to hoist the trophy. In that moment, you think it can’t get any better. Deep down, I knew one team had a chance to finish the job and bring yet another title to Colorado, a title in a sport that hadn’t seen a Colorado team win it all seen since their days in the ABA.

That team was the Denver Nuggets. 47 years in the NBA, and only 4 trips to the Western Conference Finals to show for it. All season long, the Nuggets took on 82 games. In 82 games, they tore the West down with an impressive 53 W - 29 L season to take the top rank in the Western Conference. But the regular season means nothing. It’s the Playoffs where the true test for this team would begin.

Round 1 - Minnesota Timberwolves, a team that came in a wild card, Denver proceeded to steam roll to a 3-0 lead headed into game 4 with a chance to sweep. The Wolves won, and the Nuggets took it personally and put the series to bed in game 5 with a 112 - 109 win.  The 2nd round is the next challenge Round 2 - Phoenix Suns, this team was 2 years removed from a trip to the NBA Finals against the Milwaukee Bucks where they fell in 6 games in that year’s finals series.  Denver took game 1 by a score of 125 - 107, game 2 was a 97 - 87 win for the Nuggets, game 3 in Phoenix proceeded to hold Denver down to a 121 - 114 loss to make it a 2-1 series lead.  Phoenix would tie the series in game 4 by handing Denver a 129 - 124 loss, but Denver would not go down as they blasted the Suns out of the water with a 118 102 win in game and then followed that up with a 125 - 100 win in game 6, the Western Conference Finals await. A 5th trip to the WCF awaits, and it’d be a 2020 rematch.

Western Conference Finals - Los Angles Lakers, or as I call them “one of the NBA cash cows.” The Lakers have won multiple titles, and last won it all in 2020, crushing the Nuggets in 5 games. A 4th WCF match against the Lakers, they won 3 of them. This is over right? Wrong, Denver would NOT go down the way they did in the past, they did NOT lie down. Game 1  - Denver holds off a late game surge to win 13, Game 2 - Denver barely edges the Lakers out to take a 2 - 0 series lead with a 108 - 103 win, Game 3 - out in L.A, the stars shining bright, and the Nuggets proceeded to bend but not break as they held the Lakers off again in a 119-108 win to take a  3 - 0 series lead. A sweep was seemingly inevitable, but game 4 was the closest battle yet.  Back and forth late into the game and Denver was on the edge of defeat, but once again, the Nuggets made the moment magical and edged out the Lakers 113 - 111, taking a a 4-0 series sweep, Jokic getting the Western Conference Finals MVP, and a first ever NBA Finals trip NBA Finals - Miami Heat, 3 time Champions of the NBA. Last won in the 2012-2013 season, faced the Lakers in 2020 finals and came up short. They’ve been here before, and they got a team that’s never been here before in Denver.  But once again, Denver would not go down. Game 1 - Denver ended the 1st quarter down 24  - 22, and proceeded to stay down 51 - 44 at the half time and Miami was feeling confident in winning this game.  The 2nd half was a different story was Denver proceeded to find the net for 26 points to the Heat’s 20, and turned the ball game to a 71 - 70 lead for Miami headed headed into the final quarter of the game.  In the 4th, Denver scored 24 more points to Miami’s 18, taking game 1 in a convincing 94 - 89 win. The historic first ever NBA Finals win for Denver, and making it three wins to go.

Game 2 - Miami wouldn’t go down quietly after the game 1 loss, ending Q1 on top 26 - 23, but Denver rallied off in Q2 to go up 57 - 51 at half time.  2 quarters left to the 2nd ever finals win.  After the game’s 2nd half began, Denver picked up right where they left off and went up  83 - 75 with 1 quarter to go.  But Q4 would not go my team’s way as Denver only put up 25 more points while Miami rattled off 36 points and gave the Heat a 111 - 108 win as Denver tried for a 3 point shot at the buzzer to tie the game, but it was just short. Game 3 - The NBA Finals would take a trip to Miami for the Games 3 and 4 and Denver would take game 3 by storm, after a 24 - 24 tie in Q1, Denver put up 29 points in both Q2 and Q3, and backed it up with a 27 in Q4 and scored the game 3 win with a 109 - 94 win.  Win 2 of the NBA Finals, but the job isn’t done. There’s still 2 more wins to go. Game 4 - Friday night for game 4? Denver saw it as no challenge and they routed Miami all game long and aside from a DEN 55 - MIA 51 first half, it wasn’t even close as Denver won in a  108 - 95 take down.  The series is now 3 - 1. Denver is now 1 game away from winning it all. Monday night would be the night where it all would be decided if we were headed to game 6, or it was all over in 5. Game 5 - This was it. This was clinch night, if you were gonna show up and win it all, THIS was the night. Monday night was prime time, and Denver proceed to go down 51 - 44 at the half time, and it looked like it was going to head to game 6 in Miami and possibly a game in Denver 7 where it’d be anyone’s guess who would win it all. But just like game 1, just like every other time it looked like it was over for the Nuggets, they rallied in the 2nd half and with a late game steal, Denver held on to win the game by a score of 94 - 89.  There would be no game 6. Game 7 was no longer needed. It took 5 games. The series ends in 5 games. a 4 - 1  series win, and the end of a 47 year wait for my team’s first ever NBA crown.

I’m a much newer Nuggets fan, joined the Nuggets fan base before this magical run happened. And a much younger fan at 27 as I write this. I would keep up with this team and I never thought I’d see this team win. And I did.  The Colorado teams are my teams.  The Rapids, Avalanche, Nuggets, Rockies, Broncos, and Mammoths. Colorado is where I want to be, been that way since 2012, and even when I felt like I was at my lowest. I’ll keep dreaming, and maybe one day, my dream of living in Colorado will come true.  Just like the Nuggets winning it all. Just the Avalanche winning it all. Just like me wanting to get NASCAR Cup Series and Indy Car Racing out there. The Broncos getting a 4th Lombardi. Like the Rockies *finally* winning the World Series. Like the Rapids winning a 2nd MLS title. My life belongs in Colorado, and I’ve known that for 11 years. I’m to the point where I more so believe that I live in Colorado more than I live in Maryland. My name is Alan Mooch. And I am proud to be a fan of all the Colorado teams. I long for the day where I can look out the window to a Colorado sunrise and I say “I’m finally home.” And these last 2 years were the best years in sports. The Avalanche and Nuggets winning it all put a smile on my face.

[alanm00ch]

A Wait Well Worth It

Today was a great day to be a NASCAR fan.

For the first time in 26 years, a long lost speedway was found again. Before I go any further, I want to give you all a little bit of knowledge : I was only 1 year and 4 days old when the last race at North Wilkesboro Speedway took place. The track had been a main stay on the Cup schedule up until 1997 when Texas Motor Speedway took it’s place. So I didn’t grow up with the speedway like many of the older NASCAR fans have. But I always loved to hear about the stories of the speedway. It fascinated me to read and hear about North Wilkesboro Speedway.

And with Texas Motor Speedway being... awful, to say the least, I was one of the younger NASCAR fans (becoming a fan in 2002) was among the loud and vocal in recent memory who wanted to see the old track come back.

Well, I got my wish. And I’m really happy. For NASCAR’s 75th anniversary season coming in 2023, it was rumored yesterday that the All-Star Race, which had lost it luster over the years, was going to be headed to the North Wilkesboro Speedway, a track that SMI owns.  These rumors were further fueled when it was announced by the track that all original plans of the revival plan were being set to the wayside and a huge announcement on the 8th, that being today, was to come. On top of that, the executives of Fox were telling NASCAR they wanted the All-Star Race to have a grassroots racing feel and possibly rotate it around like the MLB All-Star Game.  Okay, sure. But the big hitting point is “grassroots racing” feel. As in short tracks. Today? That rumor was confirmed.

My take? This is a very decisive win for everyone involved. NASCAR taking Fox up on the offer to go for a grass roots race, SMI for being willing to not only go along with this, but also dropping a date from the Texas Motor Speedway, Dale Jr was a huge advocate for this...

I could go on, but what’s the point?

If you had asked kid me if North Wilkesboro was going to return, you would be met with “What’s North Wilkesboro?” Ask me that in 2017-2021, you’d be met with “Sure, if the people running SMI gets their heads out of their asses and realize Texas Motor Speedway is a piece of shit track that none of us NASCAR fans like this god forsaken raceway.” And then the announcement of the renovations plan came out and I was like “Maybe there is a chance the North Wilkesboro Speedway comes back, just not with the Cup cars.” And now? It’s coming back. This All-Star Race will be the biggest event and I certainly hope I can find a way to get to go. If I can’t go? I’ll have the online radio coming through for me. Either way, I’m hyped up for 2023.

[alanm00ch]

NASCAR Street Race - My thoughts

So if you’ve been out of the loop, there have been rumblings in NASCAR about taking the Cup cars to the streets of a major city as far back as December of 2020.  The rumblings had talks of Chicago being the lead off to this experiment.

I made a huge case for Denver to get a race in a blog I put together on May 8th, 2021. (Ugh. 2021. Get me away from that year.)  If you missed that blog, I brought up the following. 1) Colorado’s love of sports 2) the star power of Colorado sports 3) Iconic sports venues, famous landmarks, and mountain backdrop

I did bring up some challenges that would come along with hosting a street race such as traffic, noise complaints, city could lose money, and the fact that Denver has the unique additional challenge of being 1 mile above sea level, making the thin air an extra challenge for the teams and drivers. But in that blog, I failed to point something out. Street racing really isn’t the best style of racing in the world when it comes to the top levels of racing... IMSA and IndyCar being the outliers as they have cars that are built to race on the streets. IndyCar races on the streets, while not always a thrilling race, provides good entertainment to be had and are really fun in person. I would know, I went to the 2011 Baltimore Grand Prix. NASCAR, on the other hand? We’re talking about a 1.5 ton stock car racing that is purpose built to be raced on tracks from the high banks of Daytona and Talladega to the tiny little short tracks of Bristol and Martinsville. NASCAR road course racing isn’t exactly the best nor is it that entertaining to watch a vast majority of the time. Looking at Sonoma in particular. Anyway, the rumblings have turned into a roar.  It was confirmed yesterday that the NASCAR Cup Series will indeed be racing on the streets of Chicago. Want me to be perfectly honest? I’m not thrilled. The more I think about it, the less enthusiastic I am. 

We got that street course race, yes. But Chicago? Really? You could’ve put a street race anywhere in the US (cough, cough, Denver, cough cough), hell, gone north of the US border to Toronto, south to Mexico City, and yet, you chose Chicago? Why? So you can chase a market that doesn’t care for the product? And that’s the only thing that has me not thrilled about it.  The track itself, tested on iRacing, doesn’t inspire any confidence in this race being any good at all.

Credit to NASCAR.com for this track image, but I want you guys to look at it.  There are 12 turns, and it looks like there will be absolutely no passing zones. Topping all that off, Road America, a race track that had long been wanting a Cup Series race, finally got it in 2021 on a major weekend, got it back in 2022, and are now losing it to... this. An attempt to chase the casual fans. To chase a market that probably doesn’t, and probably will never, care for NASCAR or racing in general. Road America had over 100,000 people show up to their 2021 and 2022 events and this is how they get treated? You give them the shaft due to TV ratings not matching up to every other race? Seriously? I can think of another track that should get the axe over Road America. Sure, the Road America race wasn’t all that great, but they made a case to keep their race date. And they lose it. At least cut Road America for a track that isn’t going to make you all look like you’re chasing the casual fans who don’t give a rip and a market that doesn’t care

[alanm00ch]

Western Conference Finals Game 1 Recap

Well, holy *CRAP*, game 1 was a gauntlet for the Avalanche and Oilers. Where do we begin? How I give you the final score and then *how* we got here.

COL 8 - EDM 6

Okay, HOW did we get here? Well, here’s a highlights video that will show you how we got to that ridiculous score. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KSpqH3DYfxo&t=1s Did you watch it? Yes? Awesome. Stick around and I’ll tell ya what you saw! No, you’d rather read me breaking down all the action and THEN watch it? OKAY! Let’s do it then! At 06:00 PM Mountain Time, the first puck drop of the Western Conference Finals would get the game under way and the attack was on for both teams.  Shots being handed left and right but no team could score a goal, that was until Yamamoto went end to end, and then he would pass the puck to Evander Kane from the wing.  With a slight breakaway, Evander Kane scores the opening goal of the game with 14:56 seconds to go in the first period making it a 1-0 Oilers lead.  And oh boy, once that goal was scored, the hammer was dropped. The Avalanche would immediately launch a response to the Oilers goal by launching an all out attack that started with Byram on the Avalanche side of the ice, and it ended with a 2 on 1 offensive advantage where Alex Newhook found J.T. Compher to score the 1st goal for the Avalanche with 14:20 to go in the period.  With 5:00 to go in the first, the Avalanche would launch another strike again, this time, it started with Makar behind the Avalanche net. It ended with Nathan MacKinnon flying in to pick up the puck in the offensive zone and burying it with 4:50 to go.

with 36.8 to go, the Oilers started with the puck in their own end with Kulak finding Connor McDavid on the wing and he does what he does best : Connor McDavid things. A no look pass to Draisitl, Driasitil hands it back to McDavid, McDavid passes it to Kulak, Kulak send the puck up to Hyman, and Hyman gets the puck behind Darcy Keumper and in the net for a goal and makes it a 2-2 game with 22.3 seconds to go. The tie game was short lived as 8.7 seconds later, Cale Makar blasted down the ice and buries the 3-2 go ahead. This goal was challenged by the Oilers coach for off sides, and it seemed like it did go off sides and would 100% be called back, but after review, the goal stood as called and Makar would officially give the Avs a 3-2 lead leaving the first period as no other goals were scored despite the Avalanche being on the power play. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVCuzEiIDXA This video gives an in depth explanation as to why the Makar goal stood as a good goal, but the ruling should’ve been off sides and even I say that as an Avalanche fan. The Avalanche got gift wrapped 1 goal thanks to the NHL being the NHL and wanting the Oilers to get screwed at every corner (according to Edmonton fans) and the rule book being well... confusing. And the Avs on top of the go ahead goal from Makar standing as called, now have a power play that carries over into the 2nd period to go along with it. Speaking of the 2nd period, with 19:39 to go in the period, Cale Makar starts an attack in the Avalanche zone and skates down center ice, passes the puck to Rantenen, Rantenen passes to Nazam Kadri, Kadri shoots, shot blocked, BUT WAIT, Kadri has the rebound AND HE SCOOOOOOOOOOOOORES!!! YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU BETCHA!!! THE KADRI MAN CAN! With 19:28 to go, Kadri scores a power play goal and the Avalanche are up 4-2 after drilling home 2 unanswered goals in this game.

And the Oilers rolled back with a response of their own : with 17:01 left in the period, the Oilers start a play in their zone with Pulijuarvi stealing the puck from the Avalanche and taking a shot down ice, Keumper makes the block, but the puck made an unlucky bounce into open area of ice and McLeod was there to take the rebound and score the goal, making it a 4-3 game for the Avalanche. In a tightly contested game, the Avs had a 1 goal advantage and there was still a lot of game left to go. And the Avs would not take that goal lying down.

Nathan MacKinnon makes a nice backhand pass to Mikko Rantenen, who just came off the bench, and Rantenen buries it top shelf With 15:20 to go in the period,  and gives the Avalanche a 2 goal lead once again with a score of 5-3. And the scoring onslaught from the Avalanche was on.  Devon Towes takes a shot has it denied. Towes picks up the puck, passes it to Cale Makar, and Makar lets it fly on the one-timer and puts a laser shot into the net with 13:40 to go in the period, making it 6-3. Late in the 2nd period, battle for the puck along the boards in the Avalanche zone is won by the Avs defender Jack Johnson.  Johnson pokes it to Logan O’Connor, who flies on the wing side, makes a pass to Andrew Cogliano and Cogliano scores a Coglion-GOAL. And thanks to Cogliano’s goal, the Avalanche make it 7-3 with a mere 3:40 left in the period.

Lost in the Avalanche goal frenzy was Darcey Keumper skating off the ice due to blurry vision with Pavel Francouz coming in to the game to finish what Keumper started while we all wish Keumper a speedy recovery and hope he’ll be alright. With 3:24 to go in the 2nd, there was a face off in the Avalanche zone. Face off was won by McDavid for the Oilers, Draistl takes a shot, blocked by Francouz, it’s still in the Avs zone and the Avalanche can’t clear it. Draisitl still has the puck, passes it to McDavid, and Connor McDavid puts the puck in the Avs net to make a 7-4 hockey game with 3:09 left in the 2nd period. And that goal would begin the Oilers 3 goal counter attack to the Avalanche goal flurry.

In the 3rd period, the Oilers scoring attack begins at 16:44 to go in regulation as the Bouchard begins the attack with the puck on the Avalanche side of the ice. Bouchard decides he’s going to pass it to Keith, who passes it right back to him. Bouchard decides to take a shot, and the shot is blocked by Francouz, but it was sent right back to Bouchard, so he shoots again, puck bounces off one of the Avalanche skaters, goes wide and finds its way behind the Avalanche net after bouncing off another Avalanche skater, and Kassain was there to pick it up.  He comes from behind the net, passes it to Derek Ryan. He (Ryan) shoots the puck and gets it behind Francouz to make this a 7-5 game with 16:32 to go and the Oilers still weren’t done yet. Another Oilers attack starts up on the power play with Tyson Barrie taking a shot with 7:40 to go in the game, shot blocked and sent away by Francouz,  Nugent-Hopkins picks up the loose puck and sends it behind the net where McDavid picks it up.  He (McDavid) passes it to Hyman who just so happens to be in front of the net.  Hyman winds up, fires, and DENIED BY PAVEL FRANCOUZ!!! CALM DOWN, AVS FANS, BECAUSE FRANKIE SAYS RELAX! That would be short lived relaxation as the puck was sent back to Ryan Nugent-Hopkins.  Nugent-Hopkins passes the puck to Connor McDavid, McDavid makes a quick pass to Leon Draistil, Draisitl gives it back to no. 97 McDavid and he (McDavid) gives right back to Draisitl. Draistil makes a beautifully timed pass back to Nugent-Hopkins, who puts in the net behind Francouz with 7:24 to go in the 3rd period.  It was now a 7-6 game, Avs lead by 1.  The 3rd period rolls on with no scoring from either team and Edmonton pulling their goalie late into the period.  With 61 seconds to go in the 3rd period and only down by 1 goal, the Oilers pulled their goalie and left the empty.  With an extra attacker on, Edmonton was trying to tie the game. Time winding down and the Avs on the attack with mere seconds to go, Avalanche captain Gabriel Landeskog finds his way to the Oilers side of the ice with the puck, shoots and HE SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORES! CAPTAIN, MY CAPTAIN, PUT THIS GAME AWAY FOR THE AVS WITH 21.4 SECONDS TO GO ON AN EMPTY NET GOAL! Time would expire and there’d be no more scoring. The Avalanche take game 1 of the Western Conference finals by a score of 8-6 with game 2 tonight at the Ball Arena in Denver. The Colorado Avalanche look for a commanding 2-0 series lead before the series heads to Edmonton on Saturday and Monday for games 3 and 4.

[alanm00ch]

Round 3, Game 1 Stanley Cup Playoffs

It’s the most wonderful time of the year to be a fan of ice hockey. The Stanley Cup playoffs have been in full swing for almost a full month now.  We started with 16 teams.

The Eastern Conference gave us the Boston Bruins, Carolina Hurricanes, Florida Panthers, New York Rangers , Pittsburgh Penguins, Tampa Bay Lighting, Toronto Maple Leafs, and Washington Capitals. The Western Conference gave us the Calgary Flames, Colorado Avalanche, Dallas Stars, Edmonton Oilers,  Los Angles Kings, Minnesota Wild, Nashville Predators, and St. Louis Blues. Round by round, 16 went down to 8 and then down to 4. The Leafs, Capitals, Bruins, Penguins, Kings, Stars, Wild, And Predators fell in their round 1 series match ups. The Flames, Hurricanes, Blues, and Panthers all fell in their round 2 series match ups. Tonight, the Conference finals begin with game 1 between my team, the Colorado Avalanche, going up against the Edmonton Oilers. A high flying Avalanche team that will be going up against a highly talented Oilers team. I hope this series a good tilt and I *definitely* hope the Avalanche will reach the Stanley Cup Finals.

As for the Lighting and Rangers series? I got a feeling the Rangers run is going to run the show and end it in 4. I could be wrong, but the Lightning are a well rounded team and leveled the President’s Trophy winning Florida Panthers in 4. And the Lightning are fully rested while the Rangers come in on only 24 hours of rest after pushing Carolina to the brink and taking the series in 7. I’m excited to bring you all a Finals preview blog. And I will leave you all on this note : LET’S! GO! AVS!

[alanm00ch]

How do you celebrate?

How do you celebrate 10 years of making content?

I’ve been asking myself this since it dawned on me that I started my adventure back on September 24th, 2011. But I didn’t make and upload my first video until 6 days later on September 30th. Back when I started? I was very limited in what I could do and it showed in the poor quality of everything.

I call 2011-2014 my starting point. Those first 3 years were just me trying to find my footing and figure stuff out. I had to teach myself how to edit. And my edits weren’t perfect. In that time frame, I got my 2nd channel (thanks to the defunct Google+) and I was able to have a home for all my content that wasn’t Sonic related. 2015 was a transition year as I started to run my own Twitch streams. On January 9th, 2015, I ran my first ever stream. All I had was Minecraft. And that was the game that kick started my streaming path. But streams were halted in May of 2015. (I blame my dad.) But Sonic content kept going. Which was good. In July of that year, I put out my first ever 1,000 view video as I made a music video to “Good News” by Manic Drive. In December of that year, I posted some of my biggest hit videos : Sonic music videos to “Nothing Can Stop Me Now” from the Disney movie Planes, and “Real Gone” from the Disney/Pixar movie Cars.  Those are my top 2 videos and I think they’re gonna stand at the top for a long while.

2016-2017 was mostly Sonic music videos on my Sonic channel, but my other channel was cranking out all kinds of videos from NASCAR ‘14 to Need For Speed Rivals to NBA 2K13 to NHL 08 to Southern 500 throwback reviews to NASCAR stop motion races. 2016 was also a big year for me as I had hit the 5 year mark of making videos over on Sonicfan1750. I always say the 24th is where I got my start as that was the day I made my channel. 2018 was where I got my Sonic channel back to gaming roots with the start of my Sonic Next Gen let’s play. I haven’t finished it and I haven’t resumed it. Been meaning to do that. 2018 was also a milestone on twitch as I had gotten the invite to be a Twitch affiliate on April 13th, 2018.

1 year, 5 days later on April 18th, 2019, I officially became an affiliate and that was a milestone all of it’s own. And then i got a windows laptop, an HP laptop with a touchscreen. and it opened the door to even more Steam games for me to play.

2020 was yet another milestone year as I celebrated 5 years of streaming on Twitch. 2020 was also the year I played Sonic Adventure and Sonic Mania for my Sonic Channel.

2021 has been me... just reflecting on that long road it took me to get to where I am now. it also saw me add new stuff to my resume.

I look back... and it makes me hope. Makes me hope I put a smile on someone’s face. I hope I brightened up someone’s day. that I made someone laugh. To me, a smile is *way* more of a reward than money ever will be.

I’m no longer that 16 year old kid that didn’t have a lot to work with. I’m a seasoned 26 year old who just wants to show I got nothing to lose, and I can work with what I’ve got. That I still got a lot of fight left in me.

How do you celebrate? How do you celebrate when it seems like at every turn you’ve taken in a year where it seems nothing’s gone right and it’s all gone wrong for you? When you have to fake a smile? When you have to bottle how you really feel inside because you don’t want to burn bridges? Me, personally? I just hold my head up and say “brighter days are ahead.” I don’t even need to deep dive into how my year’s gone. It’s been one disaster after another and it’s just been a massive pile of scraps (full year review coming in December). There were some positive moments for me this year where I honestly did smile. June 23rd was Sonic’s 30th anniversary, I smiled that day. June 26th, I did a Sonic anniversary stream, I had a smile on my face, July 10th, I started a stream with Rocket League and did some of the Beach Ball LTM, I had a big ole’ smile on my face. And then September 23rd... my 26th birthday. It didn’t start with a smile, but it sure did end with a smile... and me blowing out a candle after making a wish that night.

but for every day I’ve smiled? It always seems like there were 30 days where I just wanted the year to end.

Well... cheers to 10 years of making content. And here’s to my next 10 of making content.

[alanm00ch]

NASCAR to Denver? My Thoughts

Let me first off say that... it’s been a while. I got a lot to think about.

Let me just have my escape.

So... NASCAR. Yeah, big changes on the horizon. The big talk is around the NextGen (AKA Gen7) car. how it looks, how it sounds, the massive changes surrounding it. *sigh* what a day May 5th was. It was like Christmas day came early.  As I type, NextGen testing is ongoing to square off the finer details of the car.

But it’s more than just the car.  the schedule is seeing yet ANOTHER massive overhaul on the horizon.

The big talk right now is street course racing, with Chicago being the maiden voyage of this NASCAR Street race experiment. If it’s successful? The next stop could either be Denver or Mexico City.

I’m biased towards the first one, especially since I wanna move out there, so let’s talk about NASCAR having a race in Denver. yes, THAT Denver. Denver, Colorado.

Okay, first off, you need to understand something here : Colorado. LOVES. sports.  I may live in Maryland, but I do know they got a lot of sports teams out there (all of which I adopted as my teams over time.) It started with the Denver Broncos in late 2011 when QB Tim Tebow threw a miracle pass to knock the Pittsburgh Steelers out on wild card weekend and then it snowballed from there, but that’s not a here and now blog. Let’s talk NASCAR in Denver.

Denver has some fantastic sports facilities and land marks to blast by in a race car. With the scenic mountain back drop? Who would pass that up? Colorado also is not at a shortage of star power that could show up to a Denver race.  Let me run down some of the sports heroes in Denver. Ready? Buckle up, cause it’s a start studded list that includes, but not limited to  Jamal Murray, Von Miller, Gabriel Landeskog, Mikko Rantenen, Peyton Manning, Trevor Story... you get the idea. The last thing for Colorado to check off the sports list is a big marquee racing event on the National Stage of racing. Sure, they have the Pikes Peak Hill Climb Challenge, but that is such a niche event. I’m talking BIG STAGE racing. IndyCar, IMSA, and NASCAR are the top 3 leagues of motorsports in America, and it’s that last one, NASCAR, we’re looking at.

NASCAR had a team based in Colorado with Furniture Row Racing from 2005-2018. In that time, Furniture Row Racing, owned by Barney Visser, racked up 18 wins with Regan Smith scoring 1 win in 2011, followed by 17 wins with Martin Truex Jr from 2015-2018, capping off an 8 win 2017 season with the NASCAR Cup Series Championship before financial issues bit the team and they went under at the end of 2018. 

On top of that, NASCAR has stated that they want to bring NASCAR to the people, and the way to do that? Take the cars and stars of the sport out to the streets that ordinary people like you and me walk

While not being represented on the track anymore, NASCAR having a race in Colorado would be just one more reason I need to move out there.

But this whole street racing gig comes with a massive problem that needs to be addressed : While it’s all good and dandy NASCAR wants to do this, the city could lose money. People would have noise complaints... on and on and on the problems go. Even more of a challenge? that mile high altitude.  It’s NOTHING like anything the drivers have faced in the past and who knows what effects that the mile high air is going to have on the cars and drivers.

But here’s my 2 cents : do it. Colorado, you are *that* close to having a full check box on your list, and even moreso, if this race goes well, who knows? Maybe a racing stadium gets built up? Maybe IMSA comes to town? Or perhaps, the Formula 1 US Grand Prix gets ousted from Miami and heads for Colorado to put the state on the international stage?  The possibilities are endless and even if it fails? You’ll have people saying “Yeah, I was there for that race. And I had a great time! I wish they’d come back.” And like I said earlier, it’d be one more reason for me to get the hell out of Maryland and move out to Colorado.

[alanm00ch]

The events that unfolded over the past 24 hours in Atlanta were not isolated incidents. Hate crimes against Asian Americans have increased nearly 150% in the US in the last year. 

Last June, in the wake up of yet another uprising in hate crimes committed by white supremacists, we released the following statement:

White supremacists, Nazis, and other purveyors of hate can fully fuck off. They are not welcome here.

These words are as true today as they were then. We stand with the Asian American community. If you see hate speech on Tumblr, please report it. That shit is not tolerated here. 

To help the survivors and families of yesterday’s hate crimes, please consider donating to a nonprofit like the Atlanta branch of Asian Americans Advancing Justice if you can. If you can’t, consider spreading the word. We’ll list more resources and reblogs over on @action as we find them.

As always, please make sure you are taking care of yourself as well. If you’re struggling for any reason, please reach out to any of the free and confidential counseling services listed here.

[alanm00ch]

There’s just... so much I wanna say

I want to her to know I love her. I want to tell her how my heart feels. My heart is crying. I’m hurt... and I’m still hurting. I barely get through each day. There’s just no reason for me to wake up with a smile. All the energy I’m known for has been sucked outta me. It takes everything to motivate myself to do things. There's just... so much I wanna say. And everything I want to say comes from my heart, where it always has come from.

If there was a ever a song to describe how I feel about her... I've never found it. Because it's not out there. Because my feelings for her fall into multiple songs.  Where do I begin? 

(I’m gonna be like I’m talking to the girl directly. So uh... excuse the pronoun change for the time being)

"Far Away" because of the distance between you and I. I had you waiting for so long, and I’ve been far away for far too long. I know I’m gonna quote the song when I say this, but I don’t care. It’s how I feel : On my knees, I’ll ask last chance for one last dance. I’d withstand all the hell just to hold your hand. I’d give it all, I’d give for us. Give anything, but I won’t give up. “cause you know, you know, you know... I love you. I loved you all along. I miss you. Been far away for far too long. I keep dreaming you’ll be with me and you’ll never let me go.  This song would’ve been perfect for our first dance song. But that’s not here or now.

"Perfect" because that's how I've described you to my friends. When I met you, I didn't just have that feeling you were the one I wanted for the rest of my life. I *knew* you were the one I was looking for. We were 16 when we met and fell in love, I'm sure we didn't know what it was. But your heart was all I owned, you were holding mine. I wanted to dance with you, barefoot on the grass, listening to our favorite songs. I wanted nothing more than to say to you "you look perfect tonight.” Yet another song that would’ve been a beautiful first dance song.

"Say You Won't Let Go" because that song was my promise to you. My promise that I would love you 'til my lungs gave out. That I would be with you 'til death did us part like in our vows when that day came. I want to be with you. Even when we're gray and old. Even we were ghosts. All I wanted to say was I'd never let you go. And I was hoping you'd say you won't let go either. This was supposed to be our first dance song.  Now? This song means NOTHING to me. It’s a song I want to bury in the ground and forget it ever existed.

"Waiting for Superman" because every day I was with you, I kept wishing I was there with you... to come save you at the speed of light. And how I kept you waiting for me. I wanted nothing more than race there pick you up in my arms and take you anywhere. Show you love while flying through the air, save you now before it’s too late tonight.

"Save the Last Dance for Me" because I loved you so and I wanted you to save that dance for me. I wanted you in my arms.  I wanted to gaze into your eyes as they sparkled like the finest wines the world had to offer. Another song song that could’ve been our first dance song. It would’ve been funny if it did become our first dance song because the song literally says save the LAST dance for me.

"Satellite" by Nickelback because you are my whole world and I all I want is nothing more than to do was be your satellite. I wanted nothing more than to lock the door behind us, where nobody would find us, make the whole world wait while we dance around the bedroom like we’ve only got tonight. Not about to let you go until the morning light. You can be my whole world, if I could be your satellite. Dance around this room, I’ll be your satellite. Dance with me around the moon, you and I every night. Another song I wish I we could’ve made our first dance song.

"Live Life" by Crush 40 because every day we spent together had me holding on and holding tight. Not wanting to let go and living life with you. Living every moment and making it the best moment ever. Never letting life pass us by. Some day, one day, we’ll say live life, I know. Hold on, hold tight, don’t let go, don’t lose sight.  I wish I got you into Crush 40. This would’ve been a wonderful first dance song. Especially as I put a pretty flower in your hair.

“Little Wonders” because of how each and every twist and turn of fate… would always lead me to you. I wanted to be with you for each little wonder.  Watch time fall away with you as each small hour would still remain. If it wasn’t Say You Won’t Let Go as the first dance song and I had heard this song sooner? I would’ve picked this one as our first dance song in a heart beat.

“Give me a Lifetime” by Anthem Lights because that’s all I was asking for : just for you to give me a life time, not a moment more, but not a second less. Dear God, I saw her and I an angel with my own. She’s the only thing on my mind. I may be out of line for asking, but is there anything I can do to make her mine? I’m never exactly sure where to start. I wanna give you the world, but I never had the world, so I gave you my heart. I may run out of time, but I would gladly spend my life just to try. Another song that would’ve been a beautiful first dance song.

I'll even throw a couple of my own songs I was writing in here as well.

"Christmas Dance" - I was working on this song as a surprise present for you a once I had it finished. It was about how I kept wishing I was with you, and because I'm always with you in my dream world... I started writing it. Because I was missing you. And I wanted to tell you that I loved you. This song was me wanting to ask you save a dance for me at Christmas. It was all I wanted. to spin you around on the floor with a smile on my face and your heart floating away with mine into the snowy night skies.

"Leap of Faith" - This... this one is one I have never gotten around to writing, but I have the general idea for. This song was the one I was going to write... for the day I was gonna propose to you. And then I was hoping to sing it again at our reception before we had our first dance. I say all this as I’m with her... I’m not. It’s too painfully obvious what’s going on here. I’m crushed, my heart’s shattered... and it’s because the girl is no longer mine. “move on” all my friends say. I’ve tried. I’ve TRIED. NOTHING I’ve done has gotten me to forget her. If anything, i haven’t been able to focus on anything because the heartache is real. “time heals” everyone tells me. They’re lying. it only makes the pain WORSE and it makes you realize you miss what you had even more.  There is no end in sight. >.<

There are plenty of other songs out there that I could use as well and would’ve been wonderful first dance songs, but I’d be going on forever, and I don’t have forever. If there was a song that rolled all of these songs into one, *that* would be the song that I’d use to describe my feelings to her. Today is yet another day I have to drag myself through...

[alanm00ch]

my dream proposal

Everyone knows that there’s that one person they wanna be with for the rest of their lives. I found the girl I want for the rest of my life. One of a kind, nobody like her. I know her very well. She lives in Colorado. She’s the one I wanna marry, I wanna go out there and be with her til the end of my days... I say all of this as if there’s a catch. There is - she’s engaged and every day that passes is another day to me getting the happily never after nobody sees.

I might as well... share how I was hoping my proposal was going to work.

This is my dream proposal.

I haven’t told many people (if any at all), but I’ve recently gotten into writing my own songs. But I recently had this idea for a song. I call it “Leap of Faith” I haven’t written it out yet and... hm? Oh, sorry. I’m stalling again.

Anyway, I was gonna write the song out, keep quiet about everything as I make sure everything gets set up properly. Get the engagement ring, get a teddy bear, ring box in the teddy bear’s paws, play a bunch of Stardew Valley on my twitch streams (https://www.twitch.tv/alan_m00ch), get to a point where I can marry one of the NPCs... you can actually see where this is going now, right?

So anyway, on the specific stream where I decide “hey, you know what? It’s time for my Stardew character to get married” I was gonna convince the girl to join me on stream to chat with me as I play the game (and for the surprise proposal that at that current point, nobody sees coming). Perhaps even get a pizza, that’d be nice. And then I chat with her as I play, and then my character gets married.  Adorable, right? Well, stick around because *now* comes the best part : *the part where I actually propose to the girl* After the day in Stardew Valley is over, I stop playing the game and change over to my web camera. This is where I tell her “Hey, wait, hold on. I have something I wanna share with you.” And this is where it all begins. I’d start by giving my song a proper debut - I’d be singing it live. On stream. In that moment. And then afterwards, I’d talk with her and then take the little black box from the teddy bear’s hand get down on my knee, show her the ring, and then say the 4 words I’ve waited a long time to ask “Will you marry me?” hopefully, I’d hear her say yes and then I’m celebrating because well, I’m engaged. I got the girl I want. I got the happy ending I wanted. I held my promise to marry her.  That would’ve been a highlight I cherished forever. And then it’s back to the game as we start talking about wedding things. *sigh* Would it go that way? I’ll never know. Because life didn’t go that way. She’s engaged now. She’s gonna get married. I’m getting the Happily Never After that nobody sees. All I can do now is... do my best to move on and put all of this in the back of my mind.  Possibly forever. Never to be done. >.<

I know it sucks and it isn’t fair, but that’s how life is. It’s never been fair to begin with. To that girl : if you’re reading this, I want you to know that even though I’ve role-played proposing to you so many times and I found creative ways to pop the question each and every time... but this was the real way I wanted to do pull it off. I never shared it until now because I wanted to keep it a surprise. I love giving you surprises. I’m sharing it now because it won’t happen and it likely will never happen at all. :(

[alanm00ch]

There never will be...

I was writing this out as a message. But before I sent it... I realized this message was me doing what I’ve been doing lately : pouring my heart and soul out. So I wanted to put it here as well because 1) I want to, and 2) I don’t say things like this unless I REALLY mean them, and I want the world to know I REALLY EXTREMELY MEAN this when I say it.

I’ve started to use this site as kinda like a diary... that anyone can read if they know where to look. Wait, I’m stalling, sorry.

This is what I sent to her : “My life hasn't been the same without you. I've been going through the motions. Acting like I'm okay. Acting like I'm fine. I'm not. I’m the exact opposite. I'm lonely without you. I'm... empty without you. I know you've told me time and time again that I deserve better because you hurt me. To that, I say this, and please understand that I mean this with all my heart and soul when I say this : I don't want to be with anyone else. I want to be with you. *You. are. perfect.* There isn't anyone out there better than you.  You're the one I wanna wake up and see in the morning before I sneak off to the kitchen to make breakfast while you're sleeping. You're the one I wanna show off to the world and brag about to all my friends. I wanna save the last dance for you. *You. are. everything. to me.* I close my eyes and there you are right next to me and it makes me happy. Everything goes exactly how I promised it would.  And it ends with that happily ever after ending I wanted and the one I promised to you. I know that anything I say now probably won't change anything, but I wanted to at least let you know that I mean every word I have ever told you. And I will continue to hold you in my heart, hoping someday, one day, I’ll be yours and you'll be mine again and we'll hold on, hold tight, never let go and live life together.” You want to know the REAL reason I give up with dating? Because there ISN’T another girl like her. There never will be another girl like her. I’m not trapping myself with someone I don’t want to be with or doesn’t want to be with me. And I sure as hell am not going out of my way to be with someone I’m going to be miserable with.

I know that message I sent is just me being hopeful and clinging on to the hope that everything will turn around and things go the way I want. But it’s the only hope I got left. I left my heart with her. She still has it. I want her to keep it. Because it’s all I can give her.  She is still the girl I’d choose.  Yeah, I know, i choose the girl who hurt me over anyone else. You’re sitting there dumbfounded. News flash : I never stopped loving her.  I didn’t stop loving her in that year and a half of not knowing what was going on. I never will stop loving her.

Like I said : she’s my whole world. I don’t want anyone else. I want her.

[alanm00ch]

Life’s Not Fair

I’ve learned so much in the last few days from Saturday, February 6th to today.

For starts - did you know letting frustration and anger out is a massive energy drain?  I didn’t until I spent the entire week feeling drained as frustration and anger were let off my chest.

Another thing I learned - NEVER try to do anything on a day you have a meltdown.  I tried to stream Stardew Valley with a friend of mine last Wednesday in the afternoon after I had a meltdown that morning. I needed a distraction from the heartache I was having. Near the end of my stream? I was drained and feeling wiped out.

And one more thing I learned - letting old feelings go and fade away into memories is NOT easy. It’s been a while. I STILL love her. Every. single. time. I get lost in my own little world where everything is perfect? I’m with her. I’m the one who’s engaged to her and we’re living happily ever after. I even close my eyes and hear wedding bells.  And every time I hear them? She’s there. And I smile and say to her “happily ever after sealed with this kiss.” And then we find out we’re going to be parents a few months after the wedding. It leaves me with a big smile... and then reality comes and smacks me senseless just to remind me what’s really going.

Wake up. Welcome to reality. LIVE in reality. She’s engaged. She’s not yours. let go.

It hurts, dude. It really hurts knowing the girl I STILL love is getting married to someone else.  It’s painful that I made promises and then I watch them fall away to words and leaving me to carry them with me with the regret and sorrow I have. It hurts having to hold on my broken heart knowing that making online content is the only thing I have right now.

Valentine’s Day was not easy for me for get through.  I went on social media hoping the hear nothing about romance. What did I get instead? All my friends were making Valentine’s Day posts being all like “Oh, look what my S.O. did for me!” I walked away and I just lashed out. Yup, I had yet ANOTHER meltdown.

Looking back, there is ONE thing I could’ve done differently : I should’ve gotten a job, made some money, and then hightailed it for Colorado when I had the chance. It’s the ONLY WAY this gets avoided. It’s the ONLY WAY I not only get the happy ending I promised her, but also the happy ending I’ve imagined for years. It’s the only way. The kicker? I still wanna move out to Colorado.

I’m gonna be straight up honest with you all : I feel empty and hollow without her. I’m gonna come clean about something else - I streamed on Monday and I was... fine. Just fine. I didn’t feel like myself. Sure acted like myself, but it wasn’t... really... me. It just felt like I was going through the motions and just waiting to get off camera so I could go back to being sad and lonely.

Nobody will know what she meant to me. They’ll never hear me say how happy she made me.  They’ll never hear about it.  People won’t know how I really feel... unless they come here and read my recent blogs.  I hate having to hide the pain. I hate the idea of letting go of my feelings for her. I don’t want to let them go. She was, is, and always will be my whole world. Everything I wanted and was looking for? She has.

Is it fair? No. Life isn’t fair. Life handed me a mountain to climb and just when I think I’m gonna get to the top and to see and slide down the other side down the other side in celebration... i find out I have a longer climb ahead.

This goes back to something I said last week : “If I can’t have the girl I want? I’m done with dating. Straight up. Done. for good”  I see no point. I don’t want to be done, but giving up on love... is the easier thing to do.  Last thing I want to do is being trapped in a one way relationship where I’m putting forth my best efforts and the girl I’m with isn’t... or the other way around where she puts her best efforts forth and I don’t do anything.

“Say You Won’t Let Go” won’t be the same to me anymore. That was gonna be the first dance song. I haven’t listened to that song in a while and I doubt I’ll listen to it for a period of time. I have since changed my first dance song to “Little Wonders”, which finding that song and deciding that was gonna be the song I have my first (wedding) dance to was the lone highlight of the week.

“Perfect” isn’t so perfect to me anymore. Another song I thought nothing of until writing this blog.  Now comes the part where I mention I have both “Say You Won’t Let Go” and “Perfect” in my iTunes library and I refuse to press play on them. I’m just gonna be skipping them if they ever start playing.

All I can do is close my eyes and go back to my little world. Live in my dreams whenever I fall asleep.  When I’m there? Everything is perfect and life is how I want it. It goes exactly how I imagined. But it only makes the slam back to reality much harder whenever I leave it behind and wake up.

Why is it easier for me to write this stuff than say it?  How is it I can type my feelings when i can’t say them on streams or videos? Why is I can pour out my emotions when I write these blogs as opposed to using my voice?

I just want the pain to go away. I want to be the me everyone knows. I want my world back.

[alanm00ch]

The Worst Is Over Now

So on Monday, I talked about how 2 horrible events in my life in the last month hit me like a hurricane and sent me down a rocky road of emotions.

Those 2 events being the loss of my dad and the girl I once loved getting engaged after I got a year and a half of radio silence.  From Saturday night to Wednesday morning, I just let my anger, sadness, and frustrations out.

Yesterday, the healing began process for me began.  It was the first time since Saturday I didn’t have a breakdown. I’m still carrying my broken heart, yes, but it’s gonna be a lot easier for me now that I let my emotions out.

The worst is over now. The healing begins and I’m starting to let the wounds heal. The scars will remain, but they’ll be barely noticeable unless you really look or ask about them. I know I said I was straight up done with dating, but that’s just how frustration and anger works : you say things you don’t mean. Someday, I do want to get married, I do want a family of my own. I do want a happily ever after.

Actually, now that I think about it, you all remember when I said the healing began yesterday? I was wrong, it began on Wednesday morning during my last breakdown.  It began with this song.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GpSYDmYZgkA

“Little Wonders” I never seen Meet the Robinsons, but the song called out to me and I started listening to it.  “Let it go, let it roll right off your shoulder. Don’t you know the hardest part is over?”  it was like telling me it was okay to let it out. It’ll pass.  “Life never goes how you plan it. The world you had is gone. But it’s okay. You can always build a new one. Time will go on, and you’re gonna be okay.” Honestly, I think I just might make that my first dance song with my future wife... if I ever meet her.

I will never forget the feeling of hitting the low I did. But music was there. It picked me up and started letting me heal. For the first time in awhile? I can smile. Will I carry the guilt of the promises I made to her being empty words? Yes.  But it’s gonna be a lot easier on me without the anger and frustration weighting me down. Someday? I’ll let that regret and guilt go. For now? I’ll carry it with me

Who knows? Maybe i will go back and write that song that I have 0 intentions of finishing. I do like making content. Oh, shit... I realized I’ve been making content for 10 years on September 24th. Huh, maybe this year (and this decade) won’t be so bad after all. Maybe things will be better by then.

“Our lives are made in these small hours, and these Little Wonders, these twists and turns of fate. Time falls away in these small hours, but these small hours still remain.”

[alanm00ch]

I hate this decade.

Not even 2 years in. And I already I hate this decade.

Where do I begin? Alright, let’s start with January 2020, because that makes the most sense.

January 4th, 2020 - I go through a breakup after 8 years and 2 days of being with the girl of my dreams. Sucks, but it happens. I’ll be okay... I think. >.< Nope never mind, I wanna cry. Did I mention this was 2 days AFTER our 8 year anniversary?

January 22nd, 2020 - family moves into a new place. Hey, my own room! Maybe things are gonna be okay this year.

January 31st, 2020 - Nope. Never mind. my cat, Smokie, has passed away from old age. Ugh. NOW what am I gonna do?

March 17th, 2020 - Oh, hey, a new kitty showed up and made himself at home! I say we name him - oh, the kitty’s a girl?  I say we name her Ninja Jessie! Maybe this year will turn around after all

rest of 2020 - you know who I miss? That girl I dated for 8 years. I really love her and I miss her. spurts of messages from her and here and there across the early part of the year and then... nothing. Maybe I should try and get in touch with her. Nothing? I’m hitting panic buttons right now now. What am I supposed to do?! Rest of the year goes on about as normally I can possibly make it. Bonus perk - I DID get a Nintendo Switch as a birthday/Christmas present. So YAY FOR THAT!

Wait, hold up, December 2020 has rolled around and I JUST found out my brother and his wife are having child. Say hello to Uncle Alan Mooch. I’m gonna be an uncle in April 2021. I am *NOT* ready for this at all.

Okay, NOW on to the blows of 2021.

January 7th, 2021 - lost my dad to health issues and the virus that shall not be named. Well, this already sucks. I’ll just take a week off from making content so I can mourn the loss and I’ll take things from there.

February 6th, 2021 - Oh, hey, the girl of my dreams messaged me! OMG, I’m so happy to be... WHAT?! SHE’S ENGAGED?! I SPENT A YEAR AND A HALF IN THE DARK NOT KNOWING WHAT’S GOING ON ONLY TO FIND OUT SHE’S ENGAGED?!? Proceed to have multiple breakdowns as the heart break sets in and let my anger and sadness take over for each breakdown.

Look and listen, I’m not upset that she’s engaged. I wish her the best and I hope she has a happy life with her fiance. What I AM upset about is the fact I had been left in the dark for a year and a half and not knowing what’s going on only to find out she’s engaged when I was hoping to rekindle what we had. It’s upsetting.  In fact, I can’t have the girl I want? I’m gonna go through the way what I went through? The fear of getting hurt the way I did? I’m gonna be forgotten for a year and a half? I just give up on dating.

Straight up. Done with dating. I give up. I want nothing to do with it anymore. Why bother when I’m gonna get heart broken and left in the dark not knowing what’s going on? Why bother when promises I made are gonna become empty words that mean nothing? Why? Why should I put myself through the hell I’ve gone through? I told her I loved her. I meant that. What’s the point when that happy ending isn’t coming my way?

I’ve had multiple breakdowns since finding out about her engagement. And one of the meltdowns from last night had me pounding my fists on the kitchen counters, just knowing what I had... is gone. Gone... and never coming back.

Here’s yet another painful part : I was writing a Christmas song about her and I. I was gonna finish writing it, upload it, and send it as a surprise. Now? I have no reason to finish it. Why continue to write it when all it’ll do is be a painful reminder of what I went through? 

More painful : I PROMISED her I’d marry her. Now? My words are just... a hollow shell of a promise I intended on keeping... and now I can’t. I get to carry that guilt for the rest of my life knowing my words meant NOTHING.

Happily ever after? No, it ain’t coming for me. All I can do now is hold the shattered pieces of my heart.  Valentine’s Day? After what I JUST went through finding the girl of my dreams is engaged after a year and a half of nothing? Ugh. I despise Valentine’s Day. It’s all hearts and romance and cutesy things and... for me, it’s just another painful reminder. of things I want... and can’t have. If we could skip February 14th, I’d be more than happy for that.

What makes it all the worse is that I can’t talk about the pain I’ve gone through on my Twitch... or my YouTube. I’ve built my brand on being an upbeat and positive person and I can’t go on camera and vent about my life. I go on and I gotta show that I’m doing fine. That everything’s alright. It’s gonna be a normal show and we’re gonna have an awesome time. “Hey, it’s time to play video games, which means you all get to laugh at my screw ups!“ I have to hide the sadness. I have to hide the pain. I have to keep positive. I have to.

Because I like to keep my personal life and my camera life separated. Unless I have something really exciting to share, my personal life stays with me.

All I feel is a storm could over my head.  All I feel is defeat. All I can do is watch the world go by as I’m sitting in a corner, head between my knees, broken heart in my hands, and all I wanna do is cry.

This decade has sucked for me. I want it to end.

[alanm00ch]

What I’ve been up to... and what I’ve got planned.

Been a while since I blogged on here.  Let me tell you all what I’m up to :

I’m uploading new Sonic Next Gen LP episodes. I’m not making that up.

For the first time in over a year,  I have picked up, played, and filmed Sonic the Hedgehog (2006) for PS3. Episode 14 is set to air on my YouTube channel on 10/23/2020, But that’s not the only thing I got in store in plans for Sonic gaming content. A friend of mine gifted me a whole bunch of Sonic games on steam last Christmas.  Among the games gifted were Sonic Adventure DX, Sonic Adventure 2 Battle, Sonic Generations, Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing, Sonic & All-Stars Racing Transformed, Sonic CD, and Sonic Mania.  Thanks to him, I now own a good bunch of the Sonic games that are on Steam

Sonic Adventure DX has been rolling along and going up Mondays at 5:00 PM Eastern time.  The last episode Sonic Adventure DX is slated to go up on the 2nd Monday of 2021, that Monday being January 11th.  Sonic Adventure 2 will begin on the 18th with the Dark Story.

I do have plans to make Mania, Generations, All-Star Racing, All-Star Racing Transformed, and Sonic CD Let’s Play series’, but I haven’t set when I’ll start uploading episodes. Nor have I started filming episodes for those games yet.

And then I got Sonic Forces over the summer of this year thanks to ANOTHER friend of mine in LightShadow.  So following Sonic Mania (Once I get the true ending, since there IS a true ending from what I remember), My Sonic Forces LP will follow afterwards.

Once I get enough game footage, I’m going to be putting together an intro for all my LPs.

I’ve also been making music videos and I should have a new Sonic music going up this Thursday.

Well... that’s what I’ve been up to. Sorry for the lack of orginal posts and my sincere apologies if I worried you all.

[alanm00ch]

I’m gonna make these one day.  All I need are marshmallows, graham crackers, Hershey’s chocolate bars, and chocolate chip cookie dough and I can do this.  Om nom nom :3

[alanm00ch]

So a Thing Happened

Last night, I set myself up for Twitch affiliation.

So that’s a thing that’s happening.

I didn’t even think affiliation set up was going to happen at all and when I woke up like late morning (i was on and off sleep last night)... it finally set in.

I gotta thank everyone who got me to where I am. I’m honored and humbled that you all came and then stuck around.  You all rock and it means a lot that you all decided was worth the time to come watch me play video games. I mean, I can’t even use words to describe how thankful I am.

It’s onward to big things. Maybe I can start knocking out some things on my bucket list. I can do that thanks to you all. I’ll see you all on the flip side :)