Tumgik
alexiskarras · 4 years
Text
Blood
“Tell me this wasn’t you.”
Her voice, in the dark, makes Wyatt jump back.  He turns the light on to reveal Lex sitting perched on a chair in his room.  “Lexi?”
“Tell me this wasn’t you.  Tell me that you didn’t kill three hundred people.  That you didn’t shoot sleeping men and women in the head.  That you didn’t execute the wounded.”  Her voice could be mistaken for emotionless, if one didn’t know her.  The people who did, people like Spencer and even Wyatt, knew that the edge of steel buried just under her words was the most dangerous sign they could imagine.  Wyatt turns away, turns back, opens and closes his mouth, and finally shakes his head.
“I can’t tell you that.  But we did the right thing.  We did what needed to be done.  This is a war-”
“We’re not at war.  That army was keeping us safe from the Ice Nation.  Do you have any idea what you’ve done?  What you’ve started?  Because I do.”
His back goes up and she knows she’s lost him.  “We did what we had to do.  To keep our people safe.  Just because you and the Princess have decided you’re grounders doesn’t mean the rest of us are okay with that.  We are Skaikru.  We are citizens of Arkadia.  And we’ll keep our people’s interests ahead of any other.”
Lex sighs, slipping down off the chair.  “Then this is the last time we’re going to see each other, big brother.  And I’m sorry for that.”  She steps closer, pulls him into a hug - and buries a knife between his ribs, driving the blade into his heart.  He gasps, clutches her, and she holds him close.  This is who she is.  She’s a warrior, she is Trikru, and she’s done what must be done.  But the dying body in her arms is her brother, and she can’t treat that with the same dispassionate detachment that she did with the people in Mount Weather.
“This is where I’m supposed to say ‘may we meet again,’” she whispers in his ear.  “But I don’t hope for that.  I don’t know where evil people go where they die, but you don’t deserve to find the other shore.  Jus drein, jus daun, Wyatt.  Blood must have blood.”  He turns his head as much as he’s able, looking at her through dying eyes filled with reproach.  “If it makes you feel any better, Pike’s going to die for a long time.  At least this is quick for you.”
He slumps against her, whistling shallow breaths through parted lips, and she eases him onto the nearby bed.  “I loved you, you know.  Once upon a time.  You were my brother.  My whole world.  But you said it yourself - your life ended the day I was born.  Today I’m just making that official.”  She tucks him in carefully, knowing that the covers will hide the wound and hopefully buy herself and Spencer enough time to leave Arkadia before anyone notices.  There’s no more than a few seconds of life left in him and she sits, holding his hand until he slips off the mortal coil into whatever comes next.
Lex allows herself a moment to grieve, but only a moment.  That’s all he’s worth.  She closes his eyes, kisses his cheek, and takes one last look at him before turning the lights off once more and slipping out of the room.  They need to leave, now.  And she needs Spencer.  What’s going on in her head is far more complicated than she’d hoped it would be, and her girl is the only person who can talk it through with her.  They’ll head back to Polis, she thinks, and then decide where this life is going to take them.
“Jus drein, jus daun,” she repeats to herself.  “Jus drein, jus daun.”
0 notes
alexiskarras · 4 years
Text
Make the Call
“No.”
Spencer and Wyatt both began to protest as Alexis put her hand in the way of the lever.  Trying to explain why they were doing it, that they had no choice if they were going to save their people - their voices were overlapping and loud, and Alexis finally repeated herself.  “NO.  I’m not saying don’t do it.  I’m saying you’re not going to do it.”  A pregnant silence followed as she waited for them to figure out what she was saying, but it only lasted a few seconds and they were both yelling again.
“Listen to me,” she pleaded.  “We don’t have time for this.  Spence, if you pull this lever it’s going to haunt you for the rest of your life.  I don’t always get how emotions work, but I do know how you work.”  Lex turned her gaze on her brother.  “And you’re no better.  You act like a big tough guy, but killing this many people would break you down.  Me?”  She looked to the screen and shrugged.  “For me this is a math problem.  All of them on one side of the equation, and all of us on the other.  And I can do that math.”
Lex eased their hands, one at a time, from the lever.  “I will kill these people.  All of these people.  Men, women and children.  And tonight I’ll eat a second portion of dinner and sleep like a baby.  This is the moment that I’m here for.  The thing I can do that neither of you can.  So let me do it.”  More hesitation, etched on both of their faces, and she gestured toward the screen.  “Spence, they’re gonna kill your Mom.  Wy, that’s the Chancellor.  This can’t happen.  Let me do what only I can do.”  The silence that followed was weighted heavily, but one at a time each of them nodded.  “Good.”
Without hesitation, pity or remorse, Lex pulled the level to irradiate level 5.  She turned and watched the screen with dispassionate eyes as Mount Weather’s residents died.  Their fancy art, their expensive meals, their acid fog and backroom deals, in the end none of it saved them.  They all died the same, ugly choking deaths that she knew must have been horrible.  But she couldn’t seem to care.  As she’d said - it was a math problem.  She could do math.
---
Walking through the cafeteria was like being the first responders to a massacre.  In the middle of it all was Robin, cradling the body of the girl she’d fallen for.  She said something ugly, something horrible to Mike, and Lex stopped in her tracks.  “He didn’t make the call.  I did.  And if you’d like to say something to me about it, this is the one time I’ll give you a free shot.”
Robin set down the body, gently, and spat in Lex’s face.  Spencer tried to go for her, as did Wyatt, and she held both arms out to keep them back.  “That was your one,” Lex warned her.  “If you come at me again, I’ll cut you down.”  She wiped the spittle from her face and resumed the grim march into the chamber where their people were waiting.
They’d done this.  Saved these people.  And all it had cost was the lives of those in Mount Weather.  In Lex’s mind, that would always be a price worth paying.  “Abby,” she breathed, releasing Spencer’s mom from the restraints that held her and gesturing to the others that she needed help.  The rest...they were hurt, and scared, but alive.  They’d conquered the mountain.
---
“I don’t think I want to go back.”  The words were soft, spoken as they neared the gates of Camp Jaha.  “I’m...I don’t want to fight wars any more, baby.  I don’t want to kill anyone else.”  It didn’t bother her the way it might have the others, but Lex was disturbed to find that the faces of the dead in Mount Weather might be etched in her brain after all.
“Can we just...go?  Be Trikru?  Just me and you, for as long as we live on this planet?”
0 notes
alexiskarras · 4 years
Text
Cumheda
One minute, Lex had been in the middle of the summit meant to secure a more permanent peace both among and with the Grounders.  The next, Wyatt had a hand on her shoulder and was leading her away from the others.  He looked nearly apoplectic, and she was already dreading whatever this was about.  To her surprise, though, he didn’t immediately start yelling.  Instead the first thing out of his mouth was a question.
“Lexi, what the hell did you say in there?”
If she hadn’t been confused before, she certainly was now.  “What are you talking about?”
Wyatt’s eyes bulged, just slightly.  “You didn’t notice that every single person in the room was looking at you?  No,” he corrected himself.  “You wouldn’t have noticed.”  There was no judgement in his voice, but an understanding that she wouldn’t have read the room in the same way that he did.  He took a breath, then, slowing down and trying a different approach.  “Okay, look.  They were all talking.  Their own little groups, talking over each other.  And then you said something to Spencer, and all of the conversation died.  They were all staring at you.  So what did you say?”
Lex played the conversation back in her head and frowned.  “Just called her the new title I gave her.”
Now he looked worried.  “What new title?”
Lex flapped her arms.  “I was calling her what they did.  Wanheda.”
“The Commander of Death.”
“Yeah, that one.  But Spencer didn’t like it.  I didn’t know why, but we sat down and she explained it to me.  So I needed something else to call her.  I had to ask like thirty of the Trikru before someone would actually tell me how to say what I was trying to say, but finally one of the Ice Nation warriors told me.  He seemed to think it was funny that I was even asking.  So once he told me, I had a new title for her and this seemed like a good time to use it.”
Wyatt took another deep breath, shooting her glances as he prepared for his next round of questioning.  “So...this new title.  Can you tell me what it was?  And then maybe I can tell you why everyone in the room was staring?”
Lex considered that, and couldn’t find a good reason not to share what she’d come up with.  “Yeah, of course.  I called her Cumheda.”
His entire face went red, and for a moment Alexis worried that he was actually going to pass out on her.  Which wouldn’t be good since she’d have to wake him up again somehow.  “And that, uh...that means...what, exactly?”
“Commander of Orgasms.”  Lex’s translation was matter of fact, and even a little proud.
There was a long, long moment of silence then.  Wyatt’s lip trembled, his face turned an even brighter red, and his chest shook.  Lex was just about to call Abby when he burst into uproarious laughter, burying her face in his hands as tears leaked from the corner of his eyes.  She sat there stunned, completely unable to explain his reaction - and every time he looked at her, seemingly ready to carry on the conversation, he fell apart all over again.  Her arms crossed over her chest and she scratched gently at them, sitting back in her chair as she waited for whatever was happening to pass.
“Okay,” he choked out at last, rubbing the tears from his face.  “Okay, I understand everything now.”  A few stray chuckles still hit him as he spoke, taking away anything serious in his eyes.
“You’re laughing at me,” she pouted, and he immediately reached for her hand.
“I’m not.  I promise I’m not.  I’m laughing at what happened, and because I would have loved to see the look on Spencer’s face.  Poor Princess.”  Wyatt snorted again, rubbing his eyes with the back of her hand.  “Come on, let’s go for a walk.  Maybe get some water.  And I’ll explain to you why you can’t call her something like that in front of other people.  Especially not people who would understand what you’re saying.  Alright?  C’mon, Lexi.  Let’s have a talk about boundaries.”
0 notes
alexiskarras · 4 years
Text
Weathered on the Mount
“Open up for the drop ship,” Robin teased, bringing a forkful of food closer to Alexis’ mouth.  It looked delicious, some kind of stew full of rich gravy and chunks of vegetables, but she gave the other girl a withering glare instead.  Robin sighed and set the fork down, turning her chair toward Lex with a concerned expression.  It was going to be another one of their talks, Lex knew, full of concern and caring but short on anything resembling help.
She knew she was in bad shape.  Since Spencer’s escape she’d been cut somewhat adrift, knowing that the denizens of the mountain had some awful secret that her girl had been on the verge of uncovering just before her disappearance, but no one else wanted to believe it.  They bought the lies, bought the story that Spencer had gone down to the psych ward and then escaped from there somehow, despite every inch of the mountain being blanketed in surveillance and guards.  And she didn’t blame them; they were hungry, cold, and had a permanent shelter for the first time since the Ark.  Who wouldn’t want to believe that these people, led by their kind and doddering President, were the real thing?  The problem was that she didn’t buy it, and that set her apart from the others.
Lex’s arms were scratched so deeply that they would likely be permanently scarred.  There had been some talk of sending her to medical, but she strongly suspected that they were afraid of doing that; if she was sent to medical she would know once and for all the truth of Spencer’s escape.  Robin looked at the scratches regularly, concern etched on her fine features, but as time went on she’d learned that it was a subject best left alone.  Their food, the fine cuisine that they kept setting in front of her at every meal, went largely untouched.  Alexis ate enough to keep herself alive and ambulatory for when the moment came that her girl returned for her, but beyond that she pushed every plate aside still nearly full.  Her cheeks had sunken, just slightly, and her ribs were becoming more prominent under the single outfit that she wore day in and day out; wearing their fancy clothes was just another method of control.
There was no doubt that she was being watched.  Monitored.  She was the only one of the 47 who hadn’t bought the lie and that made her dangerous.  But for now, it was that same attention that would keep her safe.  Robin and the others checked in on her constantly, and so if she were to suddenly disappear then there would be too many questions.  All that they could do for the moment was watch.  And while Lex dreamed of following Spencer’s lead, discovering the secrets at the beating heart of Mount Weather, she wouldn’t - it would only put her in new danger, and until Spencer kicked down the door of the settlement to take them all home she couldn’t risk herself that way.
“Alexis...you’ve gotta eat.  There’s no way to know if Spencer’s ever coming back...I mean they said she pretty much lost her mind before she escaped.  She could be out there running through the woods, or god knows what - but she’d want you to take care of yourself.  To eat, and just - to live.”
There weren’t many things that might have prompted Lex to speak up just then, but invoking Spencer’s wishes was the quickest way to do that.  “Don’t,” she demanded in a voice that felt rusty from disuse.  “Don’t you tell me what Spencer would have wanted.  And don’t talk like she’s not coming back.  When she does, and she tells us all what’s really been going on in this place, you’re going to regret saying these things and I don’t want you to have to do that.  I want things to be okay between us.  So don’t.”  Robin let out a frustrated sigh and started to turn away, but swung back again so quickly that it startled Lex.
“You’re going to ruin this for all of us.  I want you to think about that.  Just the way Spencer almost did.  They’ll turn us out or stop being so nice to us, and then what are we going to do?  Go back to sleeping in tents and fighting the Grounders?  If you can’t be grateful to these people then maybe you should just get the hell out.”  Robin got up and stormed off, drawing looks from others in the hall, and Alexis sighed.  In some ways, the girl did have a point.  But she couldn’t just ignore what she knew in her bones, and she wasn’t about to play the part of the happy go lucky Ark survivor for whatever show they were all putting on.  Maybe it was time to start digging.
0 notes
alexiskarras · 4 years
Text
In the Heart
As Spencer leaned in to whisper in her ear and Cady slumped forward where she was tied to the pole, Alexis watched the reactions of those around her with confusion etched on her features.  Santana’s horrified scream made at least some kind of sense; even though they’d been broken up for ages now, it was clear that she still loved Cady with all of her heart.  So of course seeing the redhead die was horrible for her, and Lex wished there was someone who could comfort her somehow.  But it was the others she couldn’t understand.
There was horror on their faces and in their eyes, as if Spencer had done something unforgivable and inexplicable, and Lex found solace in her usual way as she tried to understand that - crossing her arms over her chest and scratching roughly at her skin.  There was nothing about her love’s decision that she couldn’t understand, not with the alliance on the line.  The only way that the Grounders were going to help them get to Mount Weather was if Cady was dead.  And the way that Spencer had done it was much less horrific than the way that the Commander had promised she would die.  So why be shocked by it?  Cady had made a terrible choice, and she had suffered the consequences of that choice.
It didn’t take much time to realize that this was one of those times that she simply couldn’t line up her own thoughts with others.  It had happened all too frequently since she’d been freed from the Skybox and sent to the ground, and she’d been profoundly grateful that so far Spencer had been able to take her aside in those moments and explain to her what it was that she was supposed to be feeling, or at least what others would in the same situation.  This time was worse; this time Spencer was in the middle of things, and Lex was left to try and puzzle it all out for herself.
From somewhere behind her she felt more than heard Wyatt move, as if he was going to put an arm around her.  In a rare moment she didn’t shrug him off, just stood there looking blank as Spencer approached the camp.  She took a half-step toward her but Wyatt held her in place, leaning down to whisper in her ear.  “Just wait, Lexi.  Hold on.”  She gave him a curious sidelong glance and he just nodded, care and concern in his eyes that she hadn’t seen for a very long time.  It took everything she had not to step forward, but in the span of a heartbeat she saw what Wyatt had been trying to tell her - Abby was going to get there first.  Her mother led Spencer into a nearby shelter, out of sight of the others.
There was a much too long and much too eeries silence throughout the Ark survivors, one that was finally split by a keening cry that could only be Spencer’s.  Wyatt held her in place once more when she started to move, the same firm but tender look on his face.  “Lexi, please.  This is one of those times when she needs her mom more than she needs you.  Her Mom will know what to say to her.”  The underlying tone of his words told her something more - that she wouldn’t.  That she’d say the wrong thing, or see it from the wrong perspective, because she didn’t have his seventeen years of socialization to fall back on.  Alexis hated it.  Hated the knowledge that he was right, and that if she did go to the girl she loved right now then she’d have absolutely no idea what to say.  Spencer deserved better than that.
Lex shrugged him off then, turning to look him in the eye.  “Then tell me.  Explain it to me.  What do I say?  How do I say it?  I don’t have to understand it, Wy, just tell me what she’d need to hear right now.  And how I can make it better for her.  Tell me.”
To his credit, he did.  The war, everything that had happened since they’d hit the ground, it had changed him.  Alexis didn’t know if he was a good man, but he at least wasn’t the selfish prick that he’d been when he’d been dancing around shouting about doing whatever the hell he wanted.  He sat her down and slowly talked her through it, explaining the things that Spencer might say and do and the things that she needed to do in return.  Only then, with a soft kiss to her forehead, did he let her into Spencer’s tent.
Approaching from behind her, Lex wrapped her arms gently around Spencer and rested her head on her shoulder.  “You did the right thing,” she whispered softly.  “You were so brave, and I’m so proud of you.  You saved Cady so much suffering.”  It wasn’t much, but it was a start.
0 notes
alexiskarras · 4 years
Text
A Thousand Fireflies
She should have been sleeping.  It was their first night on the ground, the dropship and the 100 backlit by the bonfire that some of them had set for warmth.  Even Spencer was asleep, she was pretty sure.  But Alexis couldn’t.  For her entire life she’d dreamed of a night that she could spend looking at anything but a floor grate or the wall of the Sky Box.  And after almost eighteen years, here it was.
Slipping out of Spencer’s arms, she made her way to the edge of the fire and stood silently, head tipped back and arms out wide.  The sparks thrown off by the flames danced into the sky as if the lot of them were adding new stars to the Milky Way.  “Lexi?” the voice made her sigh.  There was only one person who called her that, and she didn’t want to talk to him right now.
“Go away, Wyatt.  Just let me be here in this moment, okay?”
“Lexi, I broke the law just to get thrown on this ship with you.  The least you could do is talk to me.  Tell me how the hell you and the Princess even know each other, much less how you’re in love.  And why you-”
“Wy, goddamn it!” Lex shouted, her voice carrying around their tiny encampment and drawing looks.  “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.  Anything.  But for tonight, could you please just shut up and let me enjoy this?  Do you know how many times I imagined something like this in my head?  The sky, the stars, fresh air, wind?  There’s wind, Wy!  Let me stand here and breathe, just for a little while.  Please.”
He looked angry - but then, it was Wyatt.  Looking angry was his default expression.  After a moment, though, he sighed and nodded.  “Alright, Lexi.  We’ll talk tomorrow then, okay?  I love you.”
“I love you too,” she promised, but her attention was already on the stars.  Happy tears traced warm lines down her face as she stared up into the endless black.  The soft breeze tossed her hair, the fire warmed her from head to toe, and when she opened her mouth to take a breath the air was fresh and clean, tinged with the scents of trees and grass and all things natural.
“Thank you.”  She didn’t know to whom she was directing the words.  She’d never been terribly religious, or even spiritual.  But standing there, how could she not believe in something more?  Something greater than herself?  “In love, may you find the next.”
0 notes
alexiskarras · 4 years
Text
The White Room
It had all happened so fast.  Firing the drop ship, the dead Grounders...and then the grenades, thick plumes of some orange gas that tasted like acid in her mouth.  Alexis had reached out for Spencer as she’d fallen, the sight of the blonde the last thing she’d taken in before the gas had choked her unconscious - and then nothing.  By the time she opened her eyes again she was lying on a bed, needle in her arm, surrounded by white walls and a single closed door.  There was no Spencer.  There was no anyone.
Alexis sat up slowly, gagging as she pulled the needle out of herself, and made her way to the door in halting slow steps.  She reached out, put her hand on the door mechanism...and it didn’t turn.  Alexis tried the other direction, but the mechanism still wouldn’t work.  And that was when the panic set in.  She’d spent her life in captivity, until they’d reached the ground.  The Earth, the sky, the water, she’d felt and experienced it all, and now someone had taken her away again.  Locked her in a cell, with only one window to peer out of, and she couldn’t take it.
“No, no, NO!” her scream was piercing.  Lex tipped over the bed with both hands, kicking the IV stand across the room, and threw her full weight against each of the walls in a desperate search for some semblance of give in them.  They bounced her off effectively each time though, and tears streamed down her face.  There was no way she could live through this.  Not again.  Not after the taste of freedom and feeling of Spencer’s body against her own.  “Please,” she begged to anyone that would listen.  “Please don’t.  Please just open the door.”  There was no response, because of course there wasn’t.
In a last, desperate gamble, she threw herself against the door over and over, bloodying her fists and bruising her shoulder all while accomplishing nothing at all.  With that last burst of energy expended she sunk to the floor, sobbing desperately and wishing for just one more moment with the girl she’d fallen so hard for.
0 notes
alexiskarras · 4 years
Photo
Tumblr media
0 notes