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allinadaze · 6 years

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Sara’s birth story!

Of course I’ve been wanting to journal about my birth with Sara since she was born, but it has been a very busy year indeed! I haven’t even journaled about her monthly milestones once as I did with Kate, though I’ve been keeping notes which I hope to transfer to journal someday soon. To be fair, I’ve been documenting her growth via Instagram and Facebook PLENTY, but I’ve been trying to keep things consistent between the two girls. It turns out a lot has changed in the 4.5 years since Kate was born. My pregnancy with Sara was completely different, my life and circumstances were different and life after Sara was born has been BUSIER than it’s ever been. I can hardly keep my head on straight most days, but I feel like I’m finally starting to be able to breathe a little easier now that she’s a year “old.”

It’s amazing how different my pregnancies were with each of the girls. While my pregnancy with Kate was relatively easy physically, it was emotionally stressful due to financial reasons, losing my job (a blessing to not have to work much throughout my pregnancy although having to find temp jobs was acutely stressful) court stuff which led to strain on our marriage, etc. Thank goodness my little Kate was born perfectly and subsequently brought light into our lives.

My pregnancy with Sara, on the other hand, was much easier stress-wise, but much more difficult physically. It started off with intensity. Around 6 weeks with the intense headaches, extreme fatigue, insomnia (with Kate, I slept so well) nausea - not just morning sickness, but all day sickness that started to make me feel depressed. My house had never been such a mess, I struggled to get daily tasks done but I had to keep it together enough to care for my little Kate. Feeding and caring for her were my top priorities. I also had to trudge through my work days by reminding myself it was temporary. I had hoped that it would pass around 12 weeks as the mild nausea I had with Kate did, but this held on for almost 20 weeks. That’s a long ass time to be feeling sick! I started to have major empathy for chemotherapy patients. I tried every natural remedy I’d heard/read about to help with nausea including wearing sea-bands, eating ginger candies, ginger tea, bone broth, using a ginger essential oil rollerball and essential oils in general to help me and Kate sleep… I went through 2 boxes of saltine crackers, ate sourdough toast at night and crackers in bed for breakfast in the morning. Trader joe’s cream line of yogurts in bed with my little buddy Kate, who was by my side throughout it all… at my worst moments I felt such guilt because I couldn’t take her to all of the things I took her to - going to the park became difficult. I still took her to the library for preschool storytime most weeks and to her weekly dance class on Fridays. I couldn’t cook meat for my family.. the thought of the sizzle and the smell was too much. Speaking of - I was hypersensitive to smells, which made my work even more challenging! I hated the smell of my home and had a hard time going near the cat box. Around this time Kate started refusing to poop so I would spend hours in the bathroom with her. It was an exhausting time. Around the time the sickness lifted, I was already getting big! I started showing with Sara it seemed right after I took the pregnancy test! Whereas I hardly had any maternity clothes with Kate, I needed them early on with sara. I’m sure all of the crackers and carbs I was eating didn’t help ha! I was also retaining so much more water, which led to carpal tunnel in both wrists much earlier on. Around 20 weeks my hands started to go numb at work. I trudged through and told myself it was temporary.

Around 9 weeks, we got the results that we were having a girl! We were over the moon as that was my dream - to have two girls. Sisters. Dr. Cobb’s office was supposed to call with the first early genetic screening results and when I didn’t hear from them, I called one day while Kate was napping. She apologized for us not receiving a call and asked if we wanted to know the sex. We knew we wanted to know, so I said yes and she said “it’s a girl!” Tears of joy filled my eyes and I texted Pete. Once again texting some extremely important news, but he was at work so it was the best way. We were both so so excited. Kate had pretty much called it anyway, but because my symptoms with this pregnancy were SO different, I thought for sure I must be having a boy. Turns out none of that stuff means anything. Every pregnancy is different, regardless of sex and sometimes a person will have all difficult pregnancies, sometimes all easy, sometimes an easy and a hard one or vice versa. (I had been polling every mama I knew with 2 or more kids to try to find out their experience) I started wearing wrist braces that didn’t help and just trudged on through, thankful I was “only” working part-time.

Around 5 months we discovered a house for rent in our ideal neighborhood and we decided to go for it. I had growing concerns about being able to get Evan to and from school with TWO littles at home on different nap schedules and he wasn’t getting any easier to wake up as a teen, plus the thought of not having air conditioning at the end of my pregnancy at the hottest time of year and with a newborn was giving me anxiety, so we were very excited to find this house. I called and found out there were like 18 other people interested in the home! We pushed forward, met with the owner, applied and amazingly got the house! We were so excited, however that meant moving when I was 7 months pregnant. We got through that, even though I had a hard time walking up stairs at that point and had just enough time to settle in just enough before Sara arrived.

Okay, so back to Sara’s birth story! Her due date was September 20th, but considering how big I was and how the pregnancy had progressed, I thought for SURE she would come “early” since Kate was only 3 days “late” but she had other plans! I remember September 11th happened to be a day Kate was in preschool and it was so hot and I was so uncomfortable (thank GOD for a/c!) that I spent a good portion of the day watching 9/11 tributes and documentaries on the History channel, crying and hoping she wouldn’t be born on that day! Little did I know she had plans to cook for another month! My “due date” came & went, I tried walking as much as I could even though my feet were so swollen the only shoes that fit were flip flops and some ugly plastic slip on shoes my mom got me from the dollar store. I was so thankful for those shoes! And that it was summer so I could wear flip flops! I took Kate to get her first mommy/daughter pedicure (she chose pink sparkly polish - shocker!) and did as much last minute prep as I could including laundry, organizing, cleaning, buying/prepping easy dinner meals, even went to a death cab for cutie concert 5 days after my due date! The Monday before she was born, I had an OB appointment where Dr. Cobb attempted to sweep my membranes again - not fun! I was only dilated to 1cm and he had a hard time attempting to, just as he did a week prior. At that appointment we decided to book a hospital room for induction the following Sunday (October 4th - our anniversary!) to “reserve the space” so that I wouldn’t go beyond 42 weeks. I was hoping that would be just the nudge she needed, as hearing the word induction seemed to nudge out Kate. The next day I scheduled a labor-inducing massage at equilibrio massage that was not cheap, but I figured if nothing else, I would get one last massage for a while out of it! It was a great massage. On edge as is usually the case throughout the final months of pregnancy, I went home, tucked Kate into bed (increasingly difficult in her top bunk!) she drew a picture of me in her chalkboard and we went to bed. Woke up, made her breakfast, got her to preschool and took a shower. I had been feeling a little more cramping than normal, but nothing that screamed “you’re in labor!” Took a shower and thought maybe my water had partially broken just as it did with Kate, but I couldn’t really tell since I was in the shower. Met up with Pete at Dr. Cobb’s office and he tested for amniotic fluid. I still wasn’t dilated at that point, but he monitored contractions for a bit, which didn’t show anything and said we could head over to the hospital for a better test for amniotic fluid. At this point we were as ready as we were going to be, so we jumped on that train! When you hear the word hospital in the final stages, it’s definitely an adrenaline surge. We went home to get some things, I packed Kate’s lunch for the next day and her overnight bag to stay at Elyse’s house, made arrangements for Jeff to pick up Evan and headed to the hospital! I was so thankful it started happening while the kids were in school and it was a peaceful entrance into labor/delivery again. When you have other kids at home, the stress of “when is the baby going to come” is heightened because you have to think about arrangements for them and hope to God it’s not at 2am or something like that. Our arrangements for the kids have jobs and kids too, so I was hoping and praying that timing would work out. And it did!

We headed to Pomerado Hospital where they took us into triage and performed another test for amniotic fluid. I felt a bit more anxious this time, maybe because I knew our family dynamic would drastically change and I wasn’t sure just how Kate or Evan would respond to another baby.

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allinadaze · 9 years

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Kate’s Birth Story!

I don’t know why it took me 3.5 years to get around to writing Kate’s birth story, it’s certainly been on my mind periodically over the years, but not that I’m on the brink of having her baby sister any day now, it is much more pressing. I feel like it’s one of those things that has to get done before baby sis arrives. So maybe this will help nudge her out, along with everything else we’ve tried at now 7 days past the “due date.” :)

My initial due date with Kate was March 12th. Somewhere along the way based on measurements, they adjusted the date to March 15th. I believe the 12th was the date scheduled for Pete to go to court when Evan’s mom filed for more custody and/or child support, making this pregnancy very stressful. We tried to enjoy ourselves through the remaining holidays, had a wonderful baby shower in January, and prepped for court along with the birth of our first baby together in the early new year. On March 12th, I spent the day (and many times in the days leading up to it) in the bathroom, sitting on top of the toilet lid praying and crying. Pete’s attorney attended court for him, despite being very incommunicative along the way and so we just waited for news. We never got any news. Somewhere in the days after that, we got the news that thankfully she wasn’t going to take away custody from us, but we was getting a substantial increase in child support. Exactly what she wanted. Good for her. We had to turn our focus to having a baby.

So the boys hoped for a pi baby (3.14 birthday) and then 3.15, her actual due date came and went.. We started thinking maybe we would have a St. Patrick’s Day baby on 3.17, or another post-drinking holiday baby on 3.18. The weekend after Kate’s due date we were scheduled to have Evan, so we got him Friday night and his mom dropped him off with his Science project that was due on Monday half completed. Oh awesome. This was extra special since she stated in court that She Pete was not involved in Evan’s school or school work at all. So we worked on helping him complete it, as we always did, ordered some Pizza from NY Giant Pizza (mommy likes to get the Greek salad and the boys like the wings from there) and watched a movie. Around 4am the next morning I woke up with some slight cramping and couldn’t sleep anymore, so I took a shower/bath and got myself ready just in case. I was determined to go to the hospital looking and feeling as good as I could. Nothing progressed, so we carried on with our day. I don’t remember anything about the day except Pete helping me get my boots on as he had to at this point - they were some brown boots I had bought from Target a couple years prior that were thankfully a half-size too big, so they were some of the only shoes that fit me at that point and since it was still chilly outside, boots and leggings along with the 3 pairs of maternity pants I rotated were pretty much my entire wardrobe at the time. I ate an early breakfast just in case I wouldn’t be eating for a while... I think it was oatmeal and raisins, but then nothing progressed.

Later that day (3.17) we went to smashburger for lunch and while we were eating, I thought I peed my pants a little bit. It didn’t feel like anything and there was no accompanying cramping, so I thought nothing of it besides maybe a little embarrassment for myself, but it was so little that no one could tell and I just finished eating my lunch. When I got home, I changed my pants and thought “that was weird - I’ve never peed my pants as a grownup before” and it didn’t feel like I peed my pants, but I’d heard of pregnant mamas doing it and stranger things had happened, so I just dismissed it and went on with my day.

Don’t remember what I did the rest of the day except later that night around 10, I signed my friend Candise up as a preferred client through Arbonne. We had a couple of minor issues and I remember thinking it was crazy that I was doing that so late at night and 2 days after my due date. Went to bed and the next morning around 4am I woke up and couldn’t sleep. Felt a little pressure down there, maybe some slight cramping, but nothing major. Again, I ate breakfast (oatmeal and raisins) standing at the counter at 4:30am since I was hungry and got in the shower just in case. Again I blow dried my hair and did my makeup. I went out to the livingroom and started to feel a little more nervous. I was stretching on the big gray yoga ball and looking out at the beautiful clouds as the sun came up. It hailed a little that morning (always a cool event in SD) but the sun was poking through. Around 8am it occurred to me that maybe the pant-peeing incident the day before was actually my water partially breaking. I called the hospital and spoke to an operator since it was a Sunday morning, explaining my concerns. I was having a little cramping still periodically, but nothing major and not progressing that I could tell. She said, “honey, I think you might be in labor, you should come to the hospital.”

Our bags had been packed for months and I was ready to go, the sun was up and the boys had had a full night of sleep, so I woke Pete up and told him we need to go to the doctor. It was very calm, so calm that he thought I just needed to go get looked at or something. He woke evan up, they got ready and we calmly drove to the hospital. Still nothing majorly progressing at this point.

Once we arrived, I walked into the hospital like nothing was really happening, they took me in to triage and we waited in a room while Evan played on the iPad and waited for Dr. Guru to arrive to check me. At my last appointment a few days prior, she had told me that this weekend would be a good time to go into labor since she was on call. Apparently baby was listening!

She arrived and they needed to determine if my water had broken. At this point, I think I was having slight contractions, but I still couldn’t fully tell. Could it really be this easy and calm and perfect timing? I suppose I deserved that after the outside stressors during this pregnancy. So they brought in some strips and instruments to see if they could get a sample of amniotic fluid and determine if my water had broke. They couldn’t tell anything from that, so they brought in an ultrasound machine and still saw little pockets of water, indicating it could have partially broken, but there was still fluid around baby so the situation was not dire. At this point, I was 3cm dilated (I was 1cm at my last appointment) and since we were all pretty sure it was my water, they admitted me. We got cozy in our labor/delivery room and Pete started notifying people. My nurse was one of the sweetest people and she was also a few months pregnant. I changed into my gown and went to the bathroom, there was blood. Things were definitely progressing at this point! I was feeling a little more crampy, but still nothing major. I got into the hospital bed to get cozy and asked the nurse when I could get an epidural. I certainly wasn’t feeling like I desperately needed it, but the cramping was becoming a little more intense and I didn’t want to be one of those moms you hear about who waits to long and then can’t get it, or has to wait for hours for the anesthesiologist to be ready. She said “you can get it right now if you want!” I was shocked, but still thought it might take some time for the anesthesiologist to get around to me, so I said okay sure. To my surprise, the anesthesiologist was there within 5 minutes. I couldn’t believe it! Things were going too smoothly. He did his thing and was very efficient/effective, then I just was told to rest and wait, so that’s what I did. I couldn’t really sleep, but I felt very relaxed, so I just rested while my delivery playlist that I had put together played in the background. Every hour the nurse would come check me very calmly and i was progressing about 1 cm every hour... our friend/photographer Josh arrived around noon and started taking some pictures, my mom and sister arrived and would pop in periodically to see me, Pete’s BFF Jeff arrived and we all just waited. I think Pete went to get some dinner since we had been there all day and he could use a break/change of scenery, but I was just fine relaxing in the bed. He got me ice chips as needed so I could stay hydrated but I really wasn’t hungry. I had a catheter in and was hooked up to the IV at this point, so I couldn’t really move, but that didn’t bother me either. I was surprisingly zen! I don’t remember anything really hurting or being uncomfortable. It was pretty great! People were checking on me, waiting on me, concerned about me... there are definitely worse situations to be in.

It was a very calm, peaceful environment and then around 6pm when they checked me, I was about 9 cm, then 9.5 and at this point, Dr. Guru was there for all of my checks, repositioning me and monitoring Kate’s heartbeat and trying to get me to that last 0.5 cm. Around 7pm I was at 10cm and they said I could start pushing. It was so calm, I was almost too relax to fathom what was happening. The nurse took one leg and Pete held the other and she instructed me on how to push and they counted me through it... I really felt too good at this point to focus my pushes, so I wasn’t really doing anything. This went on for every contraction for the next couple hours (though it didn’t seem like that long) then after 3 hours of pushing, they started asking if I wanted some assistance. We asked about the potential side effects of using forceps and vacuum suction. Dr. Guru said a potential side effect of forceps would be a broken clavicle and at that point I said no way, I feel good and I just want to keep pushing. They were really concerned about Kate’s heartbeat slowing and monitoring me very closely.. at a couple points they mentioned c-section and if I would’ve consented, I’m sure they would’ve wheeled me into the OR immediately, but I really wanted to avoid it if possible and kept assuring them that I felt good. They asked if I wanted a mirror for motivation and at that point, I said sure, why not. I didn’t care who saw what and modesty was out the window. Pete was a wonderful coach, holding my hand the entire time and through every push and giving me reassuring words to help me along. The mirror did help to see that I was making some progress and helped me know exactly what to do with my pushes, what was working and what wasn’t. Dr. Guru was sitting on the bed the entire time at this point and getting a little stern with me, saying “PUSH, cassandra, PUSH!” So I was pushing more intensely and I could also feel the epidural wearing off a little bit, which was helpful so that I could feel what I was doing. Right before midnight, it seemed like I was getting the hang of it and finally just a few minutes after midnight, at 12:03, I gave the perfect push and I could feel that “ring of fire” you hear about, but that wasn’t the most intense part. At this point, Dr. Guru told me to stop pushing and it was the strangest sensation I had ever felt because her head was out, yet she was still halfway in and my body just started shaking. A clown car full of medical professionals came in and started scrambling doing all kinds of things I had no idea what they were doing. I think she maybe told me to push one more time and she came out, but I was so not in an earthly realm at that moment, it is hard to describe what I was feeling. I can’t even tell you from my memory what happened in the moments that followed, but I know from pictures that they cleaned her up and wrapped her up quickly and laid her on my chest and she looked directly into my eyes. It was an intense moment that I had never experienced and I couldn’t believe I was looking at my daughter in the eyes. I remember her eyes looked like they had just been through something and looked maybe a bit concerned. We took some pictures and I couldn’t believe what was happening. I think they took her again to do some more initial assessments, footprints, etc. and then gave her back to me. Pete and I just sat there with her for a few minutes feeling overwhelmed and in disbelief.

Because it was so late and Evan had school the next day including a Science fair where he was presenting his science project, Uncle Jeff took him home around 9pm. He had been in the waiting room most of the time anyway, so it was best for him to go home and get some sleep. I encouraged my sister to leave around that time also because she had to work super early the next day and we had no idea how much longer it would take. So she stayed until around 10. Pete’s parents were still there and I felt bad because they had been there for hours, so they quickly came in and said hello, gave kisses, then started their drive back to Costa Mesa. My mom had been there all day and was there helping hold my legs to push at times, so she took some pictures and videos and then went home to sleep. I think they gave us an hour with the baby just to ourselves and the nurses asked if I wanted something to eat. YES! Suddenly I was so hungry! They brought me a turkey sandwich, some string cheese, juice and a coke. The coke was a bad idea since I was already so amped on endorphins and not used to caffeine, there was little sleep if any to be had that night. Daddy did a little dance with Kate to Bob Schneider’s “Big Blue Sea” and I took a video of one of the sweetest moments I was ever to witness while I scarfed down my dinner. They wheeled us to our recovery room, the nurse helped me go to the bathroom and put the most ginormous pad I’ve ever seen on, then helped me to bed. My legs were still a little wobbly at that point, so she said do not attempt to go to the bathroom on your own. There was a lot of blood. I had to have a couple of stitches that I remember Dr. Guru giving me local anesthesia down there for to do. They also asked if I wanted to see my placenta and I said sure. It was crazy-looking, but I was still in such a haze of disbelief, exhaustion and emotions I had never felt.

When we got to our room, Pete laid on the cot and they put Kate in the plastic hospital bassinet thingy next to my bed, instructed me to let her sleep in there and we all tried to get some sleep. Pete fell asleep right away and Kate was so peaceful, but I remember staring at her and thinking “how can I possibly sleep when that is my BABY!” I just couldn’t stop staring at her, plus I was still so amazingly amped. We had our baby! Everything was so much smoother and easier than I expected, it was hard to believe.

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allinadaze · 9 years

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journaling about pregnancy again! i'm 6 weeks! 10 weeks.

How far along: 6 weeks, i think. that is, if the baby was conceived on christmas, like we think. pretty sure that's when it happened, but my memory since becoming a mom is not the most reliable, even though i made a point to remember when! oh well.

now 9 weeks. it's been a long 3 weeks. i don't remember my...

now 10 weeks! i keep starting and then getting distracted or feeling too bad to continue. the good news is that 4 weeks has passed since we found out. the bad news is i've been feeling a lot worse this time around. i have this theory that with the second pregnancy, your body is like "oh! i remember how to do this!" and then goes full blast into pregnant mode. also, i'm 3 years older than i was, which in your 30's i think makes a big difference. also, i'm working more than i was when i was pregnant with kate, and this time around i have 2 full-time kiddos to take care of, as opposed to 1 kiddo half of the time. turns out, that's a big difference, too. i'm sure all of these things are contributing to me feeling like poo, but the hormones are not messing around this time!

when i first found out at 6 weeks, i was feeling good hormonally. at work, the week prior, i was experiencing what i thought were intense PMS symptoms, as i was tired and moody, but even more extreme than normal. i was also emotional, especially at the thought of being pregnant again. i think i went to the bathroom 300 times that week. i had so many patients who were expecting babies, including a patient net insisted that i meet when she was taking x-rays, who had just found out she was pregnant and due in september, which is when (as i had calculated) i would be due. all signs were definitely pointing to me being pregnant! i had a feeling the weekend prior when i realized i was supposed to start my period the PRIOR weekend, but didn't. i'd been a couple days late multiple times since having kate, my cycle seemed to have been extending itself. but 2 weeks was a bit much and i knew it. it was no secret that in my heart i felt like our family "needed" another baby, though i had a tough time keeping it together with just two kids, a job, and a husband who works a ton. and two kitties. still, i couldn't shake it. so we weren't careful once. on christmas. and apparently that was the only opportunity this baby needed! 6 days before ovulation! i was having ovulation pains on new years eve after midnight, and i remember feeling slightly depressed, because i thought for sure that meant i wouldn't be pregnant. which is why i was extra surprised!

so that week, all week i had suspected, but i didn't want to take the test on a work night because i knew i wouldn't be able to sleep after finding out it was positive, and i have a hard enough time sleeping before work as it is. so even though i had a text underneath my sink, which i had envisioned for months would be the one to tell me we are expecting another baby - i waited until thursday night after work. i was a wreck on the way home and a wreck picking up kate, just at the overwhelming thought of it all. on the way home, kate was telling me about her "little sister" and "my sister's name is amarillo" which was just more icing on the cake. unfortunately pete took evan to have his teeth cleaned that night, but after the torture of waiting for the week, i couldn't wait anymore. so i made sure it was okay with him to take the test, took it into the bathroom and was shaking and crying as i peed on it. and then - my heart stopped! i started crying just overwhelming tears. poor kate, who was playing on our bed came into the bathroom and asked me what was wrong. i felt bad because she started crying sympathy tears, too, but i didn't want her to think i was crying about having a baby, so i composed myself before telling her. and then i texted pete (which is something i semi regret) the news. poor guy was stuck in the dental office and couldn't talk to anyone.

being a person who doesn't adjust well to change even when i know it is the best thing and something i had been wishing for - my mind started flooding with all of the ramifications - having to start over when it had just started getting easier with kate. having to pump at work again. having to leave my tiny baby to go back to work again. (both of which suck and there's just no way around it) worrying how this baby would change the dynamic of our family and going back to those sleepless nights that i had JUST gotten back. going back to feeling like a zombie when i had just started feeling good again thanks to having sleep again and exercising again and really focusing on a healthy diet... how kate would really respond to another sibling - would they hate each other? likely not, but anything is possible! would i be so lucky as to have another healthy baby, healthy pregnancy, smooth labor & delivery? so many variables.. stressful variables i had opened myself up to once again. what was i thinking? some people do this multiple times, so obviously it's worth it. i comforted myself with the thought that i had gotten through it before (with some wonderful moments along the way) and at least i knew i could do it. i knew i could breastfeed. i knew i could pump. i knew i could push a baby out. still, my mind was reeling.

i had just been telling my friend tyler when i saw him at work that i slept so well during my pregnancy with kate - probably the best i ever had in my life. well i was starting out this pregnancy with more sleepless nights than i ever had. just so much to think about.

the next week i got a slight head cold, so i had trouble sleeping then, but it's good i got it out of the way because the next week - week 7, is when the hormones kicked in with a vengeance. there was no doubt i was pregnant!

thankfully i had that week reprieve because it allowed me time to process and figure out a plan for an OB and also my sleep issues.

Total weight gain: when i first found out i was pregnant, remembering the crazy carbs i craved in the beginning with kate, i weighed myself to find i was 98 lbs. by the time i was weighed at my new OB's office 2 weeks later, i was up to 101 lbs. carbs were my best friend again for a while. with kate, i started off at 102 lbs. and gained 43 lbs. so it should be interesting to see how i progress with this one. i also started my weight gain count with kate from that first ob appointment, so i think it's fair to start it there, at 101 this time around. i haven't weighed myself at 10 weeks and i'm kind of scared considering the amount of saltines and toast i've been eating.

How big is baby?: from 6-10 weeks, went from the size of a lima bean to the size of a prune.

Maternity clothes?: Stretch marks?: none Symptoms?: Sleep?:

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allinadaze · 9 years

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23 weeks! - starting from the beginning.

How did that happen?? I found out I was pregnant around 5.5 weeks.. unfortunately even that’s starting to get foggy at this point.. This pregnancy has already been so much busier than my last pregnancy, with thankfully mostly good things, but having a toddler around makes things much more interesting! When I first found out I was pregnant this time, I could not sleep at all and I wanted to write and write and write.. I should have, but I was also feeling so anxious and processing, that it never felt like the right time. Well here we are, over halfway through!

This pregnancy has been so much different than my pregnancy with Kate in nearly every way. Last year I had been wishing for another baby, particularly a girl so that Kate could have a sister. There’s such a large age gap between Kate and Evan and even though he is good with her (despite his more and more frequent teen angst and isolation) I really wanted her to have that close sibling experience. So Pete and I were not careful literally ONE time and here we are. Be careful what you wish for! Also we are having a girl, so my dream is really coming true.

Although, it’s been a bit of a road so far. I was 2 weeks late for my period when I realized - HOLY CRAP, I could be pregnant! No. No way.. Kate had just started to get easier in a lot of ways and she was SLEEPING through the night and I was finally sleeping and truly gaining my energy back to be able to keep up with her and maintain my sanity.. work was going well and everything was pretty smooth. We had just moved to a townhome to give Kate her own room and gain a garage/yard, and we were settling in quite nicely. We realized the importance of central a/c for those two crazy hot summer-end months and were going crazy with light carpet and cats again, but overall, it was a good move. We gained more square footage, but probably not quite enough square footage for another person. We were still saving up for a down payment on a house, but weren’t quite there yet. I really had just settled into how lucky we were to have two healthy awesome kids and was thinking about how even though Kate would be essentially an only child for most of her childhood, that would be perfectly okay and as Pete said - we could afford her more opportunities and travel, etc.

Well life had different plans. So when I realized I could be pregnant, I started emotionally going back and forth, combined with my hormones which were already going crazy - suddenly I got pretty darn scared. About pumping at work again, Lord, I did not miss that.. about the newborn stage in general and all its challenges of having a baby who can’t communicate its needs to you. It is SO nice now that Kate can tell us exactly how she’s feeling, if she’s hungry, tired etc. And the sleepless nights that took me to the brink of insanity. Let’s just hope this next baby is a better sleeper!

I knew my body could grow and birth a person (though the impending birth itself is another stress entirely!) but I worried about so many things I never anticipated. Would this baby be as healthy and amazing as Kate? How would Kate respond? Would she be okay sharing her parents, with another tiny human? Will they get along?! Will I be able to handle raising another person? i mean, I already have my hands pretty full with this threenager and teenager.

I realized I could be pregnant at the end of January, when my period was due mid-January. It was a weekend and I had to let the idea of it truly simmer in my mind before taking a test. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday - no sign or trace. The signs I were getting all pointed to pregnancy. I was cranky, irritable, crampy, emotional, bloated.. all signs of my period arriving at any moment and I probably used the bathroom about 4,000 times that week, but no Flo. I even met a patient right before leaving work on Thursday who had just found out she was pregnant and was expecting the baby in September, which is when this baby would be due. That was it.

I had already decided I would take a test that night, and deep down I knew what that test would say. So I picked Kate up from her babysitter Elyse’s house after crying to a few songs on the way home out of overwhelm, and as we were driving home, Kate said from her backseat, “My little sister’s name is Amarillo.” What???

We get home, I feed her dinner and go upstairs to try to find the courage to take the test. Pete had taken Evan to get his teeth cleaned at my old hygiene school to help a friend who was a student there out and also because Evan was due. Bless my husband’s heart. I had made the appointment, but since he needed to be there at 5:30 and I worked until 5, I wouldn’t be able to take him this time. I had an EPT test under the sink I had been saving and glancing at periodically for months. I had used the first test on Pete’s birthday last year after I was a few days late, but thankfully since it really wasn’t the right time, it was negative. The poor guy bought it on the way home from his birthday and I cried through dinner thinking of Kate not being my baby anymore, what is wrong with me? I saved this other test and had a feeling in my mind that when I used it, it would be to find out we were having another. Sweet Kate was playing with play doh on the bed since she had received a bunch from ‘nama for Christmas and I texted Pete that I would be taking the test because I could not wait any longer. Poor guy was in the waiting room of the dental hygiene clinic! I opened the test and was shaking as I took it out of the wrapper. i could hardly breathe as I peed on it and waited. I set it on the counter and went over to Kate, who was still blissfully playing and waited the 3 or 5 minutes or however eternity long it was.. heart pounding out of my chest the entire time! It popped up pregnant and I burst into tears - not sad tears, just completely overwhelmed and shocked at the thought of starting over. Kate asked me “what’s wrong, mommy?” And since I thought Pete and I should at least tell her together, I made up something on the spot. She is very sensitive and hugged me and was very concerned, but I started playing with her to show her everything is okay and I had to text Pete the news. Poor guy, I texted him!! But it obviously couldn’t wait. I called my sister and cried and talked it out a bit, and asked Pete to pick up some prenatal vitamins on the way home. I didn’t know what else to do. He also brought us some Chipotle for dinner since i hadn’t eaten yet and I hugged Kate. When he got home, we were both stunned, but we told the kids and Pete tried to reassure me while we both processed the news. We were having another baby!

I still have a lot to catch up on, since this pregnancy has been so much different and we are only halfway. I’m still in disbelief at times and often wake up forgetting that i’m pregnant and then I remember, or I feel her kick, she is kicking so frequently these days! I think I’ll have to finish catching up soon, though, because It’s 5am and I haven’t been able to sleep since 2:30 and Kate will be up soon. We just signed a lease on a new place, so I have a lot on my mind.

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allinadaze · 12 years

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also...

baby k is going to be here so soon! i can't believe it! and i can't imagine. i'm going to have a baby! it is truly mind-blowing.

this girl named kianna e-mailed me today about an order i placed for a maternity tank top, which is so strange because it's the name my sister suggested and i love it, but pete vetoed it... :( i'm glad he got to choose her first name, though, but the even stranger part is that kianna, too, is pregnant! and i recently found out the weather girl i watch every morning on KUSI is pregnant, just as another local SD weather girl, krissy, was pregnant the first half of my pregnancy. it is just so strange how many of my friends and acquaintances and people i know and see are pregnant! on saturday at the food truck meetup, not only did we see tons of babies, but also lots of pregnant bellies, and big ones! i'm telling you it seems more than normal.

there are those sharp bladder pains again.. soon, very soon! pete's hoping for a "pi" day, so we'll see when baby k decides to come!

happy thoughts for tomorrow. the happiest. we need it.

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allinadaze · 12 years

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something to remember

an e-mail from a spiritual healer i met through a friend and asked for her help with tomorrow:

Sweet girl! Of course! I am more than happy to send Love and light your way. Never hesitate to ask. Its what I do. When you hold the intention about Tuesday, please be sure to only hold positive loving thoughts for her, you two and the situation. In doing do you raise your vibration and the judge will sense the peace and Love in your higher energy and the deceit in her lower energy. Ask that the Angels come in to help you, they cannot come help unless you ask them. They are not allowed to interfere in our free will. So please ask ask ask. They are here to help. Ask them to surround your family and the situation in Divine Love and it will happen. Also ask that all things not of your higher good be removed from your life. Specifically ask ArchAngel Michael to remove anything not of the Love and light from your life. Ask him to cuts cords from you, Pete, and Evan allowing only what's best for the family's greater good and of love to enter. I say these to you so I can teach how to this for yourself. It will help you feel less helpless and give you strength. The strongest healing comes from within our own hearts, and you have a beautiful heart and are a very strong woman. I will continue to support you all and send Healing Love and Angels. Peace sweet one, it will all be well. Much love!

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allinadaze · 12 years

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40 weeks!

this may very well be my last post while pregnant!

How far along: going into the 40th week.

Total weight gain: not sure, as i haven't been weighing myself at home and my dr. appointment is not until wednesday this week.

How big is baby?: watermelon. a small one. but big for being in my belly! i definitely look like i'm smuggling a basketball under my shirt these days.

Maternity clothes?: well thank goodness my mama bought me some tank tops from target in various sizes that will be used for nursing and the end of pregnancy.. it has been much warmer lately, plus i've been running more on the hot side these past few weeks, so they have come in handy! also i have some tank top dresses that i've been wearing as shirts. seriously. it's pretty funny. my belly is that big. doesn't feel that big, but when i see myself in the mirror or pictures, it is for REAL! enjoying these last few moments of being pregnant.

Stretch marks?: nope.. one of the many things to be thankful about this pregnancy! Symptoms?: i've been feeling these strange sharp pains in my bladder region that feels like she's scratching me.. i don't think that's the case, but that's the best way to describe it. occasionally it's a pinching/cramping feeling and usually it's at night or if i'm sitting upright for too long. last night it got so intense while i was talking to my mom that pete started timing them to make sure they weren't the real thing! today was a stressful day in many ways as we mentally prepare for court tomorrow (still can't believe it) so between trying to keep busy (plenty of cleaning to do) and on top of the laundry, dusting organizing, and grocery shopping, i actually got quite upset a few times, but she still stayed put, thank goodness.

Sleep?: falling asleep doesn't seem to be a problem, but staying asleep is becoming moreso of a problem as my sore and swollen hands and feet have been waking me up in the middle of the night. especially my poor right hand, whose index and middle fingertips are numb as we speak. writing thank you cards has become a messy and difficult endeavor! all just part of the adventure and we are so close to the end, it's all good. Best moment this week?: did have a bright moment today when i got my disability eligibility information. thank goodness. also hopefully signing up two preferred clients for arbonne and my friend amy is excited about becoming a potential partner, which is really sweet and awesome. this past weekend was really productive again more in the fun realm, which we needed... in the past week we went to two shows at cosmos - one for pete's friend nate, and then on saturday our friends saba and turtle played. both times pete got to get up onstage and have some fun. we met up with josh and on saturday treated him and his wife to dinner at mario's de la mesa before the show. saturday was a good day - pete took me to a food truck meetup in del sur he heard about. i had never been to del sur, but my friend sonia is moving there this month (she's the one who was living in the awesome townhouse i was hoping we'd be able to rent in scripps ranch.. ) and apparently it's this really nice neighborhood with its own school next to 4s ranch. there were tons of people there and i ran into the super sweet radiology department secretary i used to work with at kaiser! i can't believe she recognized me. she and i used to share recipes because she is an amazing cook and always made everyone's birthday cake.. i have some happy memories of that place, since i was working there when pete and i met.. also it got me through hygiene school financially thankfully! it's weird to think that it had been at least 6 years since i've seen her. wow! anyway, we had some yummy grass-fed beef sliders and soyrizo chili cheese fries with clementine izze's.. mmmm.. then, for fun, we took a tour of some of the 3 story model homes. they are super nice, of course. pete fell in love with the "smallest" one and we dreamed about being able to buy one.. in 8 years. after that, we drove up to orfila to meet with our friends who are looking to have their wedding there. got to say hello to our friends who work there and enjoy some sunshine/wine-tasting out on the grass. was a nice afternoon. we came home and made evan's bed since i was in the middle of washing all of the linens in the house, then headed to la mesa to meet up with josh and melissa.

other good moments:

another of pete's coworkers gave him a sweet gift for baby k today - a pink outfit that says "all i need is daddy & love" another pink outfit that says "mommy rocks" and some pink money-footed pi's, so that was a bright spot in our day. pete is beyond distraught about this court case and i wish i could do something to help him.

Worst moment this week?: let's all hope and pray it's not tomorrow. don't even want to think about it.

Movement?: she's moving a lot right now! feels like she is moving her arms and pressing against my lower abdomen. and she's been getting the hiccups pretty regularly, too. oh, and my other friend who had the same initial due date as me had her baby on friday, even though the doctor didn't think she'd have her baby early, either! seems like baby k wins in the patience department. due date is in 3 days, so we will see!

Labor signs?: same braxton hicks, maybe a little more intense, but maybe i'm getting used to them... Belly button in or out?: still in. pretty sure it's staying in.

What I miss: being able to clean easily. tonight while i was cleaning the bathroom, i had to sit on the toilet to clean the bathroom accessories.. was pretty proud of myself for being creative about it. cleaning the base of the toilet is no easy feat, though!

What I’m nervous about: court tomorrow and delivery. two very big things.

What I am looking forward to: maternity leave after delivery... looking back on it hopefully with fond memories..

Milestone: i've been way more emotional these past few days than throughout my entire pregnancy. not sure if it's stress or hormones changing in preparation for delivery or a combination, but i really hope my happy pregnancy hormones aren't leaving me yet, because i need them now more than ever!

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allinadaze · 12 years

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39 weeks!

the end/beginning is very near.

How far along: going into the 39th week. home stretch. time is going by way too quickly these days!

Total weight gain: 36 lbs. i read in a recent babycenter or whattoexpect email that babies weight gain is actually tapering off at this point, but so far every time i go to the doctor, the scale is still going up. i've been going every week for the past couple of weeks now that i'm in the final month, so it hasn't been going up as MUCH, but still going up. can't believe my body is carrying all of this weight. i feel it in my fingers and i feel it in my toes! my stomach feels stretched to the max and i feel that, too. getting to the point where i understand why women get so frustrated to the point of "i want this baby OUT!" but i'm still not there yet. i want her fully cooked. and i only understand because it's just progressively more and more difficult to move around. even more difficult to just roll from side to side in bed and that's frustrating. it feels pathetic. there are so many things i want to do - i want the house spic and span before she arrives, but cleaning the floors and bathrooms seems like such a daunting task that i haven't been able to do it recently. hopefully this week. little by little. anyway, i was 138 lbs at my last dr. appt. and i could not believe it. please don't go above 140... How big is baby?: these past few weeks we've gone from watermelon to leek to small pumpkin this week. evan is in on the fun, too. last week he asked what "fruit" we would be next week. it was the day before i got the pumpkin e-mail. that is crazy. the estimation is 18/19 inches and 6/7 lbs. on valentine's day, we got to have our last sonogram to track the growth and development of the baby. dr. guru said we are on track to have a 7 lb. baby and everything looks perfect, although the measurements indicated her abdomen might be bigger circumference-wise than her head, which means if she had difficulty making her way through the birth canal, they would recommend a c-section before using vacuum forceps. um, neither, please, thank you. it was neat to be able to see her one last time before meeting her in real life. she had her eyes open in one of the shots and it was crazy! like she was looking right at us! other than that, i could NOT get a really good view of her, but it's always good to see her moving around in there and hear her heartbeat, etc. this baby has been through a lot of stress in this pregnancy, unfortunately. i'm convinced she is some kind of warrior. she also has perfect timing, as i was really nervous she'd come close to the 36 week mark after 2 of my friends recently delivered around that mark. that would've been a big challenge because pete went out of town last week for work to milwaukee (how sad would it have been for him to have missed the birth! talk about nervous!) and i've been getting SO much done in these past few weeks. i even started a side business because i'm half crazy. more on that later.

Maternity clothes?: i actually caved and bought some nursing/maternity shirts after i realized i should probably pack a few for the hospital. my mom has been awesome throughout the pregnancy and especially these past few weeks and going to sell some baby/maternity stuff i'm slowly kicking out of my closet in my organizational/paring down nesting phase at baby-go-round and even went to target specifically to buy me some nursing tops. at this point, even the maternity clothes that were on the bigger side on me are becoming tight. the end is most definitely near! the hospital bags are pretty much 100% packed and next to the door, not that we plan on bolting out of here like in the movies if/when my water breaks, but because i'm pretty sure i'm not going to want to be thinking about what i/we need to take to the hospital when labor starts. this is one of those times in your life when you just have to completely let go and have faith because there is no way you can plan for something you have no idea when exactly it's going to start or how it's going to happen, how long it's going to last, if you're going to live or die, even.. an exercise in surrendering. i'm not very good at that. so i just have to be as prepared as i can. i've been taking tips from friends on what to pack - my friend carrie recommended i take a nursing pillow because the hospital ones are not the best, some facial cleansing wipes so i "feel human" and some room spray because things can get stinky in there. lovely. all packed. also packed are two packages of fabe's all natural cookies to give to the nurses upon arrival with my birth plan, which i finished! an iPod with my delivery playlist (i hope i like what i put on there once i'm in the throes of labor - it took me a while because i am really not decisive and i think i have 14 hours of music on there, so let's hope i don't need all of it, ha!) labor could go either way for me. nature could either be gentle on me, since i've endured a good amount of stress during pregnancy (please, nature gods) and give me a quick, productive labor that leaves me saying what those rare few women say, "it really wasn't that bad!" or it can be the complete opposite, going nothing like the way i envision it and be the most painful/scary experience ever. i keep having fleeting thoughts that i might die during labor, too. i think maybe because it is a possibility, though small, and also because i'm starting to feel i might be inadequate as a mother.. the hormone fluctuations are starting to tip the other way. wish me luck! i need to try to stay home for as long as possible once labor begins, so lets hope i can do that. my friend amy whom i had lunch with last week and introduced me to the awesome fabe's cookies i decided to make as our hospital thank you gift recommended i get a yoga ball to assist with labor, so this past week at target, i splurged. even though i plan on having an epidural, i'm hoping this will help me be able to stay at home longer. it feels so good to sit on at this point during pregnancy i'm almost scared to sit on it for fear it will induce labor! stretches your back and your hips in a way that's almost impossible at this point.

Stretch marks?: still none, thank goodness, though i sometimes swear i feel them starting because i can feel my belly skin being stretched to the brink at this point. i had a couple friends tell me they didn't get any until the very end and here we are, so i guess we shall see! Symptoms?: little bit of sporadic heartburn these past few weeks, which is kind of strange because she's supposed to have "dropped." i still can't tell if she really has dropped or not, though i keep hearing that i will KNOW when she does because it will feel like a bowling ball between my legs. dr. guru says she's definitely head-down and in position (because she's so perfect and amazing of course) but i still don't know if she's just being good to me and i can't feel it, or if she hasn't completely settled into position yet, which is hard to imagine at this point. or maybe i'm just hardcore and not giving myself enough credit haha. these past few weeks when everyone is asking me how i'm feeling (going to miss that, btw.. people being super extra nice and attentive and helpful has been.. super nice) and i keep saying outside of pregnancy-induced carpal tunnel, i'm feeling GOOD i wonder if this is the one time in my life i'm just not complaining as much as the next person. maybe because i know it's temporary and important and something i chose and it's all part of biology... i keep waiting for it to get to that point of misery that most pregnant women talk about, especially in the last trimester. i mean it's not the best i've ever felt, for sure, but i've definitely had mild colds that were more uncomfortable than this. things are more challenging to do, but not necessarily painful most of the time. i will say that my hands have been progressively more uncomfortable as the days progress, and staying numb for longer periods of time. doesn't help that this is the month i decided to have friends over to teach me to knit and crochet haha. super fun, but not the best timing, since i can't even practice my crocheting at this point. that one aggravates the hands the most. so glad i learned a little, though.

Sleep?: these past few weeks i've been going back and forth between energy spurts and fatigue, but still nothing as intense as i experienced in the first trimester. i just have to take little breaks here and there. thankful for the energy because i've been getting so much done.. thank you cards, mailing out gifts, attending meetings for my new business venture, getting my passport renewed, the cars oil changed.. monday i have a hair appointment, and the final touches on preparing - sterilizing bottles and clearing the way in our room to make room for easy bassinet access/movement close to the bed... hoping to someday have time to read all of those books i'm supposed to read before she comes. i've definitely been waking up ALERT in the middle of the night, but falling asleep seems to be no problem. this morning i woke up at 1:40am and 4am. right now it's 5:20 and i'm writing so i apparently had a hard time going back to sleep. still rather enjoying my 6+ stretches of sleep while they last, since i know they are short-lived when baby arrives, so again, i feel like i can't complain here, though many pregnant women do. i'm rather surprised sleeping has been pretty easy for me during pregnancy when it's a problem i struggle a lot with. i've definitely confirmed that my insomnia is mostly related to work-related anxiety, so not working as much during pregnancy has been a huge blessing on that front. wouldn't it be nice if my only job were to be a mom for a while? i'm so envious of those women and have to laugh when they complain about the perils of being a stay-at-home mom, when there are so many benefits. granted, if your husband doesn't respect you and treats you like crap, that is a terrible gig that i never want and isn't worth it, but if you could somehow have the best of both worlds.. well that would just be the best ever. but that's not my world right now, so i'm enjoying my nonworking ginormous belly glory days while they last. fully. Best moment this week?: this was a very good, productive week! as i'm trying to make most weeks... :) tuesday i had a dr. appointment that pete couldn't make it to because of work, but i made the most of it and discussed my birth plan with dr. guru - she reassured me that the things i want and hope for are all very standard and she doesn't foresee any problems, especially because i'm a nice, reasonable person, so the nurses will want to take care of me. ha! i was a little surprised she was that candid about it, but i understand where she's coming from, since i know a thing or two about how that is! i can only imagine what those nurses endure at times. i forgot to take a copy of my birth plan to her unfortunately (it was in my planner, which i forgot for the first time ever) but i did get my disability paperwork back from her to mail out (thank you, baby kate, again for being perfect and waiting for the perfect time to come so we can get all of these things done) and followed up with elizabeth in billing about the stupid genetic screening bill that we keep receiving over and over. apparently when they initially billed back in september, aetna never responded, so they resubmitted again. we have so many open claims right now, i'm not really sure what is happening with aetna, but we'll probably get a ginormous bill at the end of all this that will come right after the ginormous child support raise ball is dropped and then pete and i will kill ourselves once and for all, romeo and juliet-style. just kidding. sort of. baby kate needs me, though, so i can't do that, of course. anyway, back to the positive - hopefully i will qualify for disability to get me through these next 6 weeks. at the last appointment, dr. guru "checked" me for the first time for dilation using the super-fun speculum, which was not comfortable at all, but i endured, even though pete was in the room, too! guess i better get used to that. when she checked last week, she said i was at about a finger-width, which i took to mean 1 cm. she said nothing about effacement or position of baby. after talking to some of my friends who were wondering why she was checking me "so early" and reminded me that i could decline being checked if i wanted, i decided to ask her about it at this appointment, because really, all getting checked did was freak me out and put me on edge, thinking the baby could really come at any time, until i shared with some friends who said they were at 1 cm for weeks. plus i was uncomfortable and had some cramping for the rest of the day afterward. she went easy on me and said she didn't have to check me this time, but she would wait until next time. at the last point, she said, "things are definitely happening" and alluded to the fact that she might see me before the next scheduled appointment, saying, "at this point, we would not stop you if you went into labor." ahh! getting so close.

other good moments:

on wednesday, jen came over and we made tacos for dinner (so good, we splurged and had fried shells that daddy made, mmmmmm) and she brought a ton of yarn to teach me to crochet. i learned a few basic stitches and made half of a washcloth before my hands gave out on me. she completed an entire washcloth that i already washed and put with baby k's bath stuff with the same 100% cotton yarn we made her yarn balls out of! the friday before that, when pete was out of town, nicole came over and brought me this amazing dinner of rotisserie chicken, organic spring greens with red onions, tomato, avocado, sourdough and wheat baguette, and strawberries and tart frozen yogurt for dessert. she also brought me flowers! i felt totally spoiled. she let me borrow a couple of her looms and we spent the last 45 minutes learning basic looming, which went by so fast since i had to leave and pick up lisa for saba's show. i've been getting some good girl time in these past couple weeks as my girlfriends are being extra supportive and coming together to help me out. that friday morning is when amy came over and we had some good talks about labor and delivery, midwives and enjoyed some of the chipotle sweet potato soup i had made for soup club. okay, so back to this week. on thursday, we got spoiled again when our friends christian and sandy came to town to pick up a friend from the airport and offered to take us to dinner. we indulged at burlap and i ordered all of the things i had wanted to try last time, but didn't have the belly room to do so. the garlic noodles, brussels sprouts, and panna cotta for dessert. all SO amazing. i really just can't believe how good this baby is being, coming at the perfect time for us to get all of this fun last minute stuff in. yesterday we went to emma's 4th birthday party where we picked up the kickass bumble ride stroller from pete's cousin katie, and then that afternoon we drove the rest of the way to fallbrook to pick up the tiny g diapers julia is letting us borrow for baby k's newborn phase. every day we get so many more baby things done, i am thankful for every day we have to get more and more done. one very good thing this week was being able to buy the stroller, since my mom's boyfriend gary gave us $120 toward it and she sold it to us for $175! so we got a $500 for about $35 out of pocket, since my mom gave us a little more toward it. major score!!! also, it was good to take evan to see his cousins at the party even though he pretty much played his ds the whole time (can't really blame him - a lot of the kids were younger haha) OH, and friday night, we went to our other cousin's house for a bbq and more baby gifts. they made us some amazing smoked ribs and chicken, macaroni salad and i brought a green salad with all kinds of goodies i happened to have on hand thanks to my mom and sister and nicole bringing greens and such the week prior along with the dried fruit i bought to put in our labor bag as a snack.. we got a big bag of goodies for baby from them, including clothes, face wipes, leg warmers, a mirror for pete's truck, and she sent us home with a bag of leftovers too, which i want to dive into after all of this talk of food! it was nice to catch up with them and meet their friends. we hadn't seen each other throughout my entire pregnancy amazingly. crazy how fast it goes. it was also nice to see william and baby dave even though they'd had a rough day and were either sleeping or screaming most of the time, until it was almost time to leave and pete tuned up william's electric guitar for him, which was super cute. they have this awesome house in crest with an amazing view. we enjoyed the fire outside for a little bit and the last few quiet moments we have as parents of a 10 year old with no screaming baby.. while they last. :)

other than that, pete has still been crazy busy at work, he had a great time in milwaukee and i'm glad he had some time away from the stresses of everything to just have a break from it all. i know he needed it, and it was cool for him to be in a strange/new place to explore even if just for a day, to feel like he gets to enjoy life and the fruits of his labor a bit. this whole stupid custody battle has really taken a toll on us, especially him - moreso than he lets on to me at times, i know. we did get the mediation report back and thankfully he did not recommend any time be taken away from us. it could've been more ideal if he had recommended a true 50/50 schedule, which is what we want and have wanted, but on the bright side, no time taken away despite all of her insane claims in an effort to get even more money. also, pete's attorney had been working on "discovery" which i don't entirely understand, but goes along with the work order to somehow order to her to prove she's been looking for a job. this week, we received a letter from her attorney (who is clearly a combatant jerk, btw) stating that "ms. sparling (um, why isn't her last name her married name - clawson, when she signs it on evan's school work that way? weird. stupid.) has no assets, no savings, no income to draw from..." and went on to say that she and her husband do not feel it is practical for her to work at this point, as putting their son in daycare would offset any income she brings in and that she cannot complete the discovery work order in time for the court date and if it has to be extended, pete would have to pay for the costs associated with it (because she's a loser) i just really don't get it because so far every time she is "up to bat" when it comes to this case, she either contradicts or goes against her initial declaration (full of lies, so no surprise there) and supposed wishes. she stated many times in her declaration that she's been looking for a job "to no avail" for the past two years, but now all of a sudden when it comes to proving it, which should be no problem if she's actually doing it, she can't and the expense would be out of pete's pocket for her to prove that she is looking? it makes NO fucking sense to me whatsoever how someone can get away with this shit. and furthermore, why is it pete's problem that they decided to have a baby when they are living "paycheck to paycheck" as her attorney stated. actually, he stated "pay check to pay check." isn't that their choice and decision to put themselves in that financial position, where they have to choose between paying for daycare or any measly job she might qualify for "with no college education" as her attorney stated. i mean, it bugs me when people say this, but seriously, how is that PETE's problem to take care of? that has nothing to do with evan outside of the fact that they obviously weren't financially prepared to have another baby and they really can't afford for her to stay home with the baby, even with the exorbitant amount pete is already paying her for having evan half of the time, so that means that pete should have to pay more? oh and by the way, don't force her to find a job, because she really doesn't want one anyway, but she can lie up and down in her declaration and say she's been trying to find a job in this economy but she can't, to beef up her pity story to the judge. doesn't anyone see through this garbage bullshit? i seriously do not understand how she's able to get away with it. for so long and so well and with TWO men supporting her! ugh. okay so anyway, pete's attorney filed the rest of the paperwork necessary supposedly and even though i haven't been overly impressed with his communication with pete (i'm sure he has other clients but still) and i'm nervous he forgot to ask for alternate tax years because he says he'll be in touch and then he isn't for pete to ask him about it, he DID notice what i've been saying for the past 5 years, which is that pete is paying child support based on us having him 33 or 35% of the time, when in reality we have him closer to 45% of the time. this is absurd to me. the mediation report also said we have him 35% of the time. wtf? where do they get this number from? just a guess? well that guess has serious ramifications when pete's paycheck is being garnished based on the percentage of time we have him and his income vs her nonexistent income. so hopefully he can help us out there, so that the increase in her pay raise to take care of her kid half of the time is not as devastating as it can be, 2 days before our due date. i really don't want to have hate in my heart toward anyone, but i have a hard time not thinking she is scum of the earth for putting us all through this during my pregnancy and feeling so entitled to income of pete's that she did not earn.. accusing us of ridiculous things that she, herself is doing. just this past week, evan showed up on our doorstep, walking in saying that he has to complete his book report project because it's due the next day and he needs cardboard. pete had been reminding and encouraging evan to get started on this project for weeks, but even though she claims to everyone and the mediation report states "the mother takes the lead in all school projects and work" here we are again, an assignment not completed or even started the night before it's due. thankfully our plans had fallen through, so we were able to dedicate the next 3 hours to helping him cut and glue his 3 little pigs project together with materials we were able to scrape up from outside and around the house. it actually turned out great and evan kept thanking us and telling us how much he loves to do projects with us because we actually help him and have good ideas, but it goes to show that she does not give a flying fuck about actually communicating, being a good co-parent, or doing what's best for evan, because what is best for him is definitely not dropping him off at our doorstep at night to drop a bomb that a project is due the next day. passive aggressive? yeah? for what reason? i have no idea. pete thinks it had something to do with the work order because it made her uncomfortable. well boo-freaking-hoo she almost had to prove that she'd been looking for a job, which she was supposedly already doing anything, but in a shocking turn of events turned out to be a lie. i have less than zero empathy for her. anyway.. court date is on the 13th and we will see how it goes. praying that my faith will be restored in the universe and trying to thank God in advance for helping us out with this emotionally trying situation of dealing with an impossible person who is and has been in a position of power, utilizing it for extortion.

the sun is coming up and the birds are chirping outside, so i guess i should get a move on with the rest of this entry.

daddy has also been doing an extraordinary amount of nesting in preparation. a couple weeks ago, we got the carpets shampooed livingroom and hallway, which felt amazing and forced us to clean every nook and cranny in the dining room/livingroom area. pete also decided to get a smaller round glass table that has a smaller footprint and is more baby safe. we gave our old one to my mom, which she was thrilled about, because she was in need of an update in that realm. pete also cleaned up the crazy corner of cords to the entertainment center and got it all streamlined and safe/put away in a small cabinet he got from ikea. we got rid of the old eye sore of a cat condo that the cats didn't really fit into anymore, even though it was fuzz's favorite scratching post, he seems to be getting used to the smaller one we put in its place... oh, and my amazing pb kids glider was delivered and i was able to sell the other one, so we are just waiting for the slipcover to arrive. it is SO comfortable and amazing. pete hung up the baby octopus paining above the changing table and moved evan's harry potter poster above his bed and hung some pictures on the freshly painted wall in our room, and last night we finally got the new cat litter breeze anti-tracking system set up in the bathroom, so that should be better so long as the cats take to it... and we got the mirror installed in the lexus so i can see kate from the front when i'm driving. i hadn't planned on getting one, but i'm so glad i did because it makes a huge difference! can't believe i'll actually be seeing her soon. also, we set up a meal baby registry for our friends/family to sign up and bring us meals once she is born.. so far we have 4 meals, which is awesome! and i've been working when i can on my arbonne side business, attending meetings, conference calls, and presentations, learning a lot and trying to maintain excitement about having some financial hope for the future via another stream of income as well as switching my family over to products that are better for us and healthier.

which brings me to pregnant friend update - my friend who had the same due date as me had her baby on friday! that REALLY makes it real. she had a little girl named alyssa. 7 lbs 1 oz. baby k is so close to being here and it's blowing my mind.

Worst moment this week?: i think i already went into all of the darkness we are trying to pretend doesn't exist.. moreso than i wanted to, but it is what it is. when i woke up this morning at 4am, my left index finger was so sore and popping when i try to bend it, which was weird. also, pete and i had a bit of a weird moment when i was talking to his friend nicole on friday and out of the blue i asked how THEY had met, because i realized i had only heard about how close and inseparable they were as friends, but didn't really know when or how that came about. she told me that one of her best friends at the time was "living with pete" and she took her over to his house one time, where he also had a few other friends living.. whoa.. what? at age 16? i had no idea he had a live-in girlfriend at age 16 let alone other friends living with him... this news surprised me at a bad time, because he was in milwaukee and hadn't even called to check up on me that day, so the combination made me really sad and my mind went down this dark path, that he doesn't talk to me or share things with me and there's so much i don't know about him (not necessarily a bad thing, but this is a pretty big thing) and that he doesn't love or respect me enough to check up on me or share his past with me. now, we have all learned that the past can be a tricky door to unlock, and the reality of our situation is that we already have to deal with such a large and difficult and painful part of his past on a daily basis, i don't really blame him for wanting to keep the rest locked away and hidden under the bed. i also know that men's egos are a complicated thing, and he deals with shame regarding his ex and his past that i can't even comprehend. while i look at my past as something that shaped me into the person i'm (mostly) proud to be today, even the not-so-pretty and embarrassing parts, he'd rather pretend they never happened and move on. and it's much more easier for guys to do this. not to generalize, but i've found. or at least i assume. i could be totally wrong, but i have to find a way to explain it to myself in my own mind so i don't go crazy about it. i discovered that this girl had friended him on Facebook a couple of weeks ago. of course he didn't tell me about it. why would he? i wish we had that kind of friendship beyond our relationship where he felt he could tell me, but we don't. so it was another thing that i realized i didn't know about him. then i began to tell myself that he didn't miss me enough to call me or want to talk to me while he was gone, and that was just the hurtful cherry on top of my feeling sorry for myself pity party sundae. so when he got back, we talked about it a little bit and i ultimately let it go because the man has already been through a lot, but it made me realize that i wish we could've devoted some of this pregnancy to working on our partnership, as is so important for all couples expecting a baby and as i had intended on doing through workshops and books and maybe even counseling, before this big court bs bomb was dropped on us at christmastime. oh well, this train is moving and it cannot be stopped now! just gotta cross our fingers, plug our noses, close our eyes.. and jump it.

oh, speaking of - that was another amazing thing we did, which i am so glad baby k did not speed up her arrival for. we had the fortune of doing underwater maternity photos! i was a little nervous, just a little, because i'm not necessarily the strongest swimmer, and i had no idea how i'd be in the pool with 35 extra lbs, let alone how i'd look underwater with this big ol' belly coupled with my fear of getting water up my nose (it's painful!) but i literally jumped in and it was an amazing experience. outside of the sheer bliss of swimming weightlessly while pregnant (sweet relief on my back!) in an 80 degree pool, which got cold toward the end, but was more than tolerable for most of the shoot, we had so much fun as a family just giggling about how crazy and unique what we were doing was. evan especially enjoyed it, saying, "you guys do some really interesting stuff" and he was so excited that we encouraged him, without realizing, to open his eyes underwater for the first time so we could get a couple of family underwater shots (not the easiest of tasks) that he kept talking about his accomplishment that day/night. we went out to sushi to celebrate afterward and it was a blast we will never forget. the pictures turned out so neato, too! we got a great response from our family and friends because it's so unique and now we have these awesome memories from the end of our pregnancy. our photographer friends rule! pete had the idea, along with carrie, of sacrificing one of his guitars for some photos by submerging it underwater, so we luckily were able to get a couple of cool shots with that, too. ruining the guitar was not in vain.

the morning after, our friend carrie was gracious enough to meet us at pq preserve for more traditional family maternity photos. we had a great time walking around a part of the preserve we hadn't seen - an old hotel and barn and well.. we got some more great family shots in the neato partially-cloudy weather, so i was very happy. can't beat free photography!

pete had this awesome idea for a baby arrival texting notification service, inspired by a nunu's monday get together with the besties and a book he recently read, which i need to read, titled "bringing up bebe." it could be huge and wonderful, so i hope he's able to get the support he needs to make it happen.

Movement?: the past few weeks have brought on a lot of hiccups for baby k. at least that's what i think they are, due to the rhythmic nature of them. i can tell she's cramped in there, as it is sometimes uncomfortable when she tries to stretch under my ribs or on top of my bladder. i still like feeling her move, though. :)

Food cravings?: food in general just tastes great, and i've been indulging, knowing that it's all coming to an end soon. still trying to get my share of fruits and veggies and mix it up for baby k, but it's hard to not indulge in the sweets when my family and friends keep inundating us with them! as we speak, we have leftovers on the counter of carrot and chocolate cake from friday with the cousins, and some coconut lemon cupcakes my sister made and brought to us on friday. oy! Labor signs?: the braxton hicks have definitely become more regular and i notice they are prompted when i'm active for a long period of time, which is really just a few minutes these days, whether it's picking up the house, folding laundry, or doing dishes. at my arbonne meeting last sunday, i was a little scared because i thought i was having pre-labor contractions. i started to feel a little hot and uncomfortable, with regular intervals of lower pelvic region tightening, but i think it was just because i'd been sitting in the same spot for nearly 5 hours, and that's not really good for me right now. it got better by just getting up, walking around, going to the bathroom, getting a drink. i'm definitely on edge waiting for the signs to start, my water to break, or to be flung into contractions at any moment and i'm so curious as to when it will be, but still hoping for at least one more week! tomorrow i have a hair appointment and need to get lexi's oil change done, so every day i get, i'm able to get more stuff accomplished that i know will be more difficult once baby is here, plus i just don't want to have to think about these kind of things once she is. at least for a couple of weeks.

What I miss: being able to hop out of bed and off the couch, wear anything i want, especially my cute shoes, not being at the mercy of my hunger.. but again, all of these things are mild and just barely worthing of mentioning, because i don't feel the need to complain about much. pregnancy-wise, it's all tolerable.

What I’m nervous about: at this point, our court date and actual labor and delivery. i can't believe i am mentioning those two things in the same sentence, but that is our reality. as d-day approaches, i'm definitely more and more nervous about labor and delivery. i hope i don't do anything embarrassing. i've been sending out notifications to close family about exactly where i'll be delivering, the rules and details i think they should know if they're planning on being at the hospital, including to our photographer. i'm excited that we'll have our wedding photographer there to document the occasion (how lucky are we that they actually live here now and can be on call for this event? i just realized that!) but then again, since i have no idea how i will be during the process, i hope i can compose myself as i pride myself in doing. i have complete confidence he will shed us in the best possible light, it's just another thing to think about. but a good thing. next time i visit this journal, i could very well have my baby! and i have no idea just how that's going to be or feel... and that's crazy.

What I am looking forward to: our valentine's day celebration was amazing. pete gave me a card from him and one from baby k, which was so sweet i kept reading over and over. he also gave me a square vase full of red roses and took me to cinepolis the sunday night before valentine's day to see "the vow." talk about a dream! the theatre is so nice, with its own bar where we got to watch part of the grammy's before venturing into our 21+ theatre. we had perfect seats, two huge leather recliners next to each other that turn into a loveseat, got waited on hand and foot - i ordered pink lemonade and spicy chili lime popcorn mmmmm and pete had a couple of cocktails. since it was the weekend before valentine's day, and given the content of the feature presentation, it was all couples and there were lots of bottles of champagne and orders of chocolate fondue being ordered. it was such a fun experience and i told pete i now understand why celebrities/wealthy people like the ones on mtv "cribs" have movie theaters installed in their house. because that shit is comfortable! how nice to be able to recline and put my feet up during my last month of pregnancy for a date with my love. we extra appreciated it knowing that going out to the movies is not going to be as easy as deciding in sprouts at 3:00 in the afternoon that we'd like to see a movie that night and purchasing tickets over the phone without having to find a babysitter, etc. at this point, i'm looking forward to getting to meet our little girl! and hopefully finishing as much as i can on my to-do list before then. :) she's been so good to us so far.

Milestone: this is a bit personal, but every time i wipe after the bathroom now, i'm keeping my eye out for the "mucous plug" that is another indicator birth is looming close. so far nothing significant, but we will see... 10 days until the due date!

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allinadaze · 12 years

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36 weeks!

How far along: 36 weeks exactly. 4 weeks to go (if that!)

Total weight gain: 32 lbs. thankfully things have slowed down a bit in this realm with the holidays behind us. also, my hunger has been more in check. not sure if it's stress or just balancing out, but it's good! i'm rarely waking up at midnight and 4am for a snack these days, and i can actually feed the cats in the morning before scarfing something down as soon as i wake up. How big is baby?: small cabbage - about 5 lbs, so they say. my belly is getting BIG. :) still no stretch marks, thank god! belly button is still in, too! amazingly.

Maternity clothes?: i haven't bought any more maternity clothes and don't plan on it, as i should be able to make it to the end of the pregnancy at this point with what i have. it's been freakishly warm during the day, so i dug out two super comfortable banana republic dresses that are normally way loose-fitting from the back of my closet, and i've been wearing those with leggings to go out at night. more comfortable than jeans and mixes it up a bit. also slightly cuter than sweat pants and yoga pants at home so my husband hopefully still thinks i'm sort of cute, even though i'm waddling. Stretch marks?: nope.. thank you, genes! with 4 weeks to go, i am examining my belly with fear daily in the mirror, but so far, so good. i've been using cocoa butter every day, but pete has been so tired at night that the nightly husband lavender rub has become inconsistent, but we still try to get it in a few times/week. at this point i'm convinced it's genes because there's no way my belly could stretch this much haha. Symptoms?: the fatigue has actually surprisingly gone down a bit, though i've been meeting up with a lot of friends and family for gift exchanges and selling stuff on craigslist and getting last-minute baby stuff now that the shower is over, but my FEET are my chief complaint at this point. over the weekend i noticed for the first time they looked a little swollen (i'm sure all those doritos i ate on Super Bowl sunday didn't help, but they were so delicious!) and pete agreed. my suspicions were confirmed on tuesday when i put my normally-slightly-loose nursing shoes on to meet up with my mom for lunch and they were actually snug! that was a surprise. i'm sure wearing heels over the weekend and on monday to my OB appointment didn't help, but i'm still trying to pull off the super-prego woman thing. :) though i had felt some temporary slight soreness in my feet before, last night when i woke up at 4am and got up to use the restroom, my feet were more sore than they have ever been. and i felt sore in my joints, too. moreso than normal. i did notice while making dinner last night and doing laundry yesterday that it was even more difficult to stand for long periods of time and actually took a stool into the kitchen to sit on while waiting for the food to cook and give my feet a little break. outside of making breakfast for the boys and getting their lunches ready, i've been giving them a break all morning. i still have a bunch of stuff to do, so feet - don't fail me now!

Sleep?: about the same. overall i'm sleeping well (much better than i will be when we have a newborn, so i keep hearing!) though it's definitely more difficult to switch positions in bed (and get out of bed) and i'm just thankful i've been able to sleep! the last couple of nights i've been waking up at 5am and 6am after intense dreams... last night i was having a nightmare that my sister was moving into an old apartment that i used to live in (though it wasn't recognizable) that was haunted and in a really bad area and i was so worried about her. not sure what that was all about, but when i woke up at 4am, i couldn't get back to sleep for a while. this is still sporadic at this point, though, thankfully! overall i'm feeling rested and though it's still not easy to wake up because i'm sleeping so deeply, there are definitely worse things! just thankful that i don't have any more work from here on out to worry about until after the baby comes. speaking of - i had an interview with one of the doctors at my mom's office that i was temping at and he wants me to start working ASAP at his alvarado office 3 days/week after baby k comes. still have to work out childcare and see how much recovery i'll need, but it's promising and reassuring! also, pete had mediation last week, so at this point we get a couple weeks of a break from court stuff until we hear back about the mediation report and recommendation, which we are hoping, praying, wishing, and finger-crossing goes in our favor. it's still weighing heavily on my mind, especially at night, but at this point there's nothing we can do, so i've been throwing myself into washing every single baby textile with baby laundry detergent so it's ready to go, along with packing the diaper bags and hospital bag. pete got me a $150 victoria's secret gift card for christmas, which i used to buy a new terrycloth robe, a sleep shirt with buttons for nursing, and some new sweat pants, most of which i'll be packing for our stay. next, i need to work on our birth plan. Best moment this week?: we found out evan made honors band, and got his results from the math matters competition pete took him to the morning of our baby shower, so that was very good news to receive. a few weeks ago we went to his first concert at his school and i was pleasantly surprised that he played a solo with some music that i had made a copy of for him. he hadn't even told me, but it was really sweet that he played that in front of everyone, including his mom, whom we didn't say one word to the entire night. she didn't look good and that gave me a little satisfaction, considering the horrible commotion she's been causing in our lives especially during my pregnancy. evil, selfish woman. anyway.. this is supposed to be about the good moments. this past weekend, we took the tables and chairs back to pete's dads house that he loaned us for the baby shower and he and hellene took us to lunch at the lab (anti-mall in costa mesa) at a cuban place called laredo. it was SOOO delish. afterward, leenie took me and evan to this cute little hippy baby store called "granola baby" where i bought some reusable wipes and she sweetly bought us baby k's coming home from the hospital outfit! it's an adorable petunia pickle bottom pink and gray button up romper with a matching pink knotty hat. i had been eyeing it on nordstrom.com, but wasn't going to make the splurge, since she does have plenty of clothes to choose from already. but a girl needs a special outfit to make her world debut in, right? so i'm super happy we have that for her. and it's washed, packed, and ready to go in one of our donated petunia pickle diaper bags! a couple weeks ago, pete drove to irvine to pick up two really nice diaper bags from a coworker who mentioned she had two that were no longer being used. and they are in great condition! i was so excited because we didn't have one and didn't get any at our baby shower and that is something we definitely need! they're in great condition and they're already packed up and pretty much ready to go. yay!

other good moments:

baby shower!!!! so fun. my sister had been stressing for weeks and we were all a little concerned about the turnout, since 50 people had rsvp'd and even with the outside space and extra chairs, we weren't quite sure how everyone was going to fit. i kept the faith and, as is usually the case with us, it all worked out. we had about 15 cancellations day-of because of sickness and whatnot, so we still had an excellent turnout with at least 35 people there, spanning from my elementary school days to csun to hygiene school, and some of pete's guy work friends showed up, along with family and old family friends. sean & kat brought ty, so evan had someone to hang out with and ended up sleeping over at their place that night, which was perfect, since we ended up being at my sister's house from 9am-10:30pm! pete dropped me off at 9am so i could help my sister with the final preparations - we ended up using that ENTIRE time, setting up the game tables and favor table, balloons and poms and drinks and snacks... while pete took evan to the math competition. the weekend before it had rained, so we were a little concerned about the weather since we were planning on most people being able to utilize outside, but it was a gorgeous, beautiful, sunny, amazing day for baby k. in fact, a little on the warm side! i was sweating in my boots and long sleeve shirt! we had pizza and beer and mimosas, sodas, water, lots of yummy chips, veggies, dips, hummus, crackers and cheese, and delicious red velvet cake pops that my college girlfriend shawna made - oh wow. i had never experienced a cake pop before, and even though cake is not my favorite thing in the world, i could not believe how good they were!!! and so adorable. my friend lindsey also surprised me with red velvet cupcakes she made with a binkie and flesh-colored frosting, so they looked like cute little baby faces. everyone loved those, too. we were having so much fun catching up and visiting that we didn't get to open presents in front of everyone, so i sort of feel bad about that, but then again, it's kind of boring for people to sit and watch presents anyway, so i'm happy everyone was having fun visiting and enjoying my sister's amazing view. it was so clear that day, you could see the coronado islands from her deck. everyone was blown away by the view. dahlia was very well-behaved and calm, we had a good amount of people make onesies that were both hilarious and adorable (evan and ty made some, too!) and it was a great success. perfect timing to feel the love from our friends and family, too. daddy and i definitely felt it and we smiled a lot that day.

another bright spot: we've been busy crossing things off the baby to-do list, including finding baby k's pediatrician! we chose dr. stuart rubenstein in carmel valley. we interviewed him and got a tour of the office and were so impressed, we decided there was no need to look any further! he's very nice and knowledgeable and close by; he answered all of our questions in a humble manner and his philosophy seems to parallel ours as far as parenting and wellness checks, so that is a big relief! the day we went to the interview, pete and i walked around the remodeled shopping center where jimbo's is located, complete with a gourmet movie theatre that we hope to check out someday. he insisted on taking me to lunch at this organic, locally-harvested wonderful new place called urban plates and it was SOOOO good. such a treat. i had mahi mahi, fruit salad and roasted veggies. he had roasted chicken and veggies and we split a ginger snap cookie. mmmm!

we also sort of ventured outside of our normal "nacho bowl" Super Bowl tradition and enjoyed the game at the walsh's house. we talked to evan about it and he expressed interest in hanging out with ty, so we loaded up all of the nacho ingredients and carted them to lakeside. it was a good afternoon, although i know pete was disappointed that evan ended up hanging out with the kiddos more than watching the game with daddy, but he had fun and we got to hang out with friends, so it worked out. we met sean's sister and husband and their kids, along with some of their friends and enjoyed way too much food. including kerri's famous cupcakes.

on monday i met up with lisa at her place since she wasn't able to make it to the shower and she had another gift for us. i was so excited to find out she got us 3 boxes of g diaper liners! so generous and so needed! this week i've been reviewing and researching and preparing for this cloth diaper journey we are going to dive into, so it feels really good to have nearly all of the supplies we need. it was great to finally see her beautiful place and the progress they've made with the nursery and catch up over tea. this mostly-unemployed business has been great for catching up with my friends! :) especially the pregnant ones haha.

which brings me to pregnant friend update - i found out three MORE of my friends are pregnant - another dear friend who was a sorority sister in college and now lives in colorado, and a friend who had lost twins a few months ago and is expecting again. also, my good friend i met working at kaiser and was there when i first started dating pete. it is a serious baby boom right now.

Worst moment this week?: last week was incredibly stressful as pete was preparing for mediation. i try to give him space, knowing that he is going through a lot having to re-live all of this crap over and over in his mind, but i still need to communicate with him to find out what the attorney says, etc. it gets heated at times and escalates even further. i ended up staying at my mom's house two nights last week just to get away after we got in some big fights, but thankfully after mediation, he was in a much better mood and now we are just crossing our fingers for a favorable outcome. the thing is - evan's mom has backed down a lot from her initial expressed intention of taking evan away from us almost entirely. she now wants tuesdays back, and for him to be dropped off at her place on sunday nights, but ONLY during the school year. if the main argument is to lessen the confusion of a back-and-forth schedule, this proposed schedule does not support that, so hopefully the mediator sees that. it's just bizarre that she would make all of these outlandish, horrible claims about us emotionally abusing and neglecting evan, to the point where each of us spends 4K to retain an attorney (money that could've been much better spent toward evan's college fund or something more useful) to then back down and just ask for a little more time... but we all know this is mostly about more money. and she stands to get a LOT more. unless we can get what we want and would be fair, which is a true 50/50 schedule. we are all praying for that, for sanity, more stability, and to hopefully not have to live under her constant threats and harassment as much. pete is taking a very peaceful/amicable approach to all of this, choosing to not bring up any of the truly awful things she does to us and to evan, so hopefully that works out, too. it's just insanely frustrating. last friday, for example, after telling the mediator that evan says he's not allowed to do his homework at our place (ridiculous, of course) and that she needs to see him on sunday nights to make sure "all of his projects" are done for money morning, he shows up without his backpack, schoolwork, and lunch box. pete is supposed to drop him off at school on monday morning, as he always does, so this meant he had to take him to her place at 7am to get his backpack before taking him to school and then going to work. it's just stupid. on top of it, he was wearing flip flops, which he's not allowed to wear to school, and of course, ripped, too-small jeans. his nails haven't been clipped or cleaned in weeks. it's amazing to me that SHE would accuse us of neglect, when, clearly.... ugh. but i digress. hopefully justice will finally and for once make this situation a little more close to fair. anyway, the few weeks leading up to mediation were also stressful because in the midst of going to our own doctor appointments for kate, preparing for the baby shower and finishing our other prenatal classes, we had to interview attorneys in san diego, after she refused to settle. each interview was extremely stressful for pete - having to take off work and re-hash the entire horrible experience in his mind. i feel bad for him and don't know how to help him while we go through this. it's just awful. but hopefully coming to a close and i'm thankful for a couple weeks of peace as we wait for the report and have a chance to ACTUALLY prepare for baby.

finally - we finished our baby prep classes! this was sort of bittersweet, as i enjoyed sharing this with pete. the last classes we took were "getting ready for baby" part 1 and 2, and a breastfeeding class. both were very informative, we practiced swaddling and got some techniques and a timeline for nursing. i was especially interested in nursing while going back to work, and how/when to start stockpiling for baby. this is stressful and makes me a little sad to think about, but so many women have to do it and it can be done! so i hope it works out.

Movement?: movement has actually been slowing down, or at least it's not as noticeable these days because she's for surely getting a little cramped in there. she distorts my stomach and i can feel her up under my rips and low in my pelvis, but aside from the occasional kick/jab, it's more of a subtle movement these days. Food cravings?: still nothing compares to the cravings of the first trimester, but i have had a few unique cravings these past few weeks. i'm back to craving crunchy things like chips and crackers, and last week i had a craving for sherbet that would not pass, so finally on the 3rd day, my dear husband bought me some berry sherbet from vons. and that hit the spot. Labor signs?: i think i had my very first braxton hicks contractions yesterday! i'm still not entirely sure, but while i was folding laundry yesterday, i had a tightening sensation that lasted a minute or two and made me make a face.. i also had to sit down. not sure if it was just cramping, as i have been experiencing slightly at times, or an actual contraction. i guess we will see as this month progresses! Belly button in or out?: still in! still looking like i'll be a non-popper. wonder if it has something to do with my belly button piercing from when i was 18...

What I miss: margaritas, dirty martinis, and being able to walk without sore feet. :) i had a virgin margarita on Super Bowl sunday that was super delish. also wine tasting! we took the walsh's and their boys to orfila for the second time since i've been pregnant, and though i don't miss drinking as much as i thought i would - most of the time i don't even think about it, it's still not easy standing at the tasting bar and not being able to partake. but it's still totally worth it, of course. and i'm glad my friends get to enjoy since i can't. definitely looking forward to being able to drink wine and champagne again, though!

What I’m nervous about: mediation report and early delivery. maybe because more than a few of my friends delivered early - some WAY early, like 36 weeks, which is what i am right now, it's on my mind that it could happen at anytime. that sends me into a frenzy thinking i really need to get everything done and now! pete and i have been practicing the moby wrap and pete got the wall where the crib sits painted along with the bathroom wall and new fixtures, so we're definitely getting things together slowly and surely, but it just always takes longer than you think, no? i'm determined to get through this stack of magazines on the side of the bed. why can't i just recycle them???

What I am looking forward to: valentine's day next tuesday and doctor's appointment where we'll be seeing our baby girl one last time via ultrasound before she arrives! at our appointment this past monday, i expected to have the group b strep culture done and even got undressed and prepared for it, but dr. guru said i was still a little too early, so it has to wait until next week. the good news is that we get to have an ultrasound that i didn't expect! this one is to check the growth and progress of the baby. yay! pete made a reservation for us on monday night to have dinner at a restaurant in carmel valley we've been meaning to try called "burlap." so i'm looking forward to that, too. on valentine's day we have evan and i'm planning on making lasagna for us. mmm.

Milestone: noticing a couple drops of wetness emerging from the nipple region.. boobs are definitely preparing for baby. they are about to enter a whole NEW frontier... thankfully the heartburn has subsided for the most part, amazingly. i noticed it creeps up when i'm stressed, so last week was pretty bad, but hopefully i'll get a break from that, too. also, i got what will probably be my final haircut before baby comes! i treated myself to a laura cut at derringer and was not disappointed. she just does hair so well. i had a $10 off coupon from a friend i had referred, so that helped. it's also strange to buy groceries that have an expiration date after our due date. time to get that birth plan done STAT!

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allinadaze · 12 years

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30 weeks!

well so much for monthly posts! between the holidays, evan's birthday, some drama i'd rather not talk about, temping, and preparing for baby, the 6th and 7th month completely escaped me. which makes me even more nervous realizing that we ONLY have two more months to go.

How far along: 30 weeks, 4 days. Total weight gain: 30 lbs! double whoa. i am fully in maternity pants now, as trying to wear anything else would be a joke. i can still fit into stretchy yoga and pj pants for nighttime and around the house, but even some of those are too tight when sitting. i started out this pregnancy at 102 lbs, and having JUST stepped on the scale and seeing 132... being in the 130 lb range for the first time in my life made me look at the scale for a minute to make sure it was correct. the average pregnancy weight gain is 25-35 lbs (seems like a pretty big range) but i have friends who've gained 50-60 lbs and know people who've only gained 9 lbs, so it goes to show how different everyone is. still, we all want to be "normal" and when i went to the dr. right before thanksgiving, she did tell me that i gained 6 lbs in one month and i should try to slow down just a little. well you try slowing down when you're hungry all of the time! considering that was right before the holidays, it also didn't help! thankfully at my next appointment the weight gain seemed to stabilize and i only gained 3 lbs. i have a dr. appt. tomorrow and i'm a bit worried after christmas, evan's birthday, new years, and lots of cake and ice cream. well, it is what it is. i have been trying to focus on fruit and vegetable intake, but i've noticed since hitting the third trimester, the hunger has spiked again, and i've woken up in the middle of the night really hungry a couple of times as i used to in the first trimester. i have my moments where i try to be good and avoid extras like sour cream and mayonnaise, which, interestingly, when i'm NOT pregnant i have no problem avoiding, but since things taste so extra good when you ARE pregnant, i have struggled with avoiding from time to time. but i'm trying. How big is baby?: the size of a squash - about 18 inches long. the past couple of weeks she's gone from the size of a cabbage to the size of a squash. that's pretty big. Maternity clothes?: i actually bought my first maternity outfit this past month! pete and i were shopping the day after christmas and he took me to the motherhood store in the mall where i picked out some light jeans and a long sleeve tan shirt with ruffles on the front. he bought it for me, and i contributed with a $25 gift card tanja gave me for christmas. other than that, i found some larger long sleeve tees i've been wearing, along with rotating the maternity pants my friends graciously gave me that are saving me! Stretch marks?: none still, thankfully! i ran out of the good clarins oil, so i've been using palmer's cocoa butter and pelindaba lavender oil as much as possible, but thankfully the itching has gone down too (even though it feels like my belly is huge!) so i'm just still keeping my finger's crossed! Symptoms?: still feeling good overall, though definitely more hungry and more TIRED again. i've taken a couple of afternoon naps after simple trips to the grocery store and outings, like i did in the first trimester. finding it hard to sit or stay in the same spot for long periods of time because my joints get sore. i'm sure he extra weight doesn't help! also definitely noticing decreased lung capacity as my uterus grows up toward my chest, making walking uphill and up stairs noticeably more difficult, and starting to notice more frequent trips to the bathroom again... it's like going full circle back to first trimester, minus the car sickness and headaches thankfully! although i did have a couple of scary feeling faint moments, including one today after i cleaned my mom and brother's teeth and laid back in the chair for my mom to clean my teeth. i took my sweater off and she turned the fan on me and i felt better right away thankfully. at the end of second trimester when i saw dr. jain, she told me to not lay flat on my back anymore because the placenta presses against a major artery and cuts off circulation, and i've noticed that if i'm even close to that position at times, i feel faint sometimes, so i just have to be aware and more careful. emotionally though i'm feeling great, even though we had a MAJORLY stressful beginning of december thanks to evan's idiot mother. unfortunately that also means i was too stressed to focus on exercising as i was paralyzed with anxiety, but i won't get into that sad stuff. OH, but i did notice that along with the onset of the third trimester came the onset of heartburn that i'd been hearing and reading so much about associated with pregnancy. thankfully it seems to be triggered by stress and is mostly sporadic, so it's tolerable. only a few times did it feel like my throat was on fire to the point of discomfort, and eating an apple or taking a tums helped. i've only had to do each of those once. hoping it doesn't get worse, because as of now it's not the worst thing, it's just a bit of an annoyance.

Sleep?: save for a few nights of insomnia, one major one triggered by stress, and a couple of odd wake up times at 4am and not being able to get back to sleep, overall i'm still sleeping well. i have noticed that my dreams are becoming more intense and i'm sleeping more deeply at times, making it harder to get out of bed. Best moment this week?: well now that the holidays are over, and the decorations are put away, i'm reflecting back with pride at everything we accomplished! we got evan a "new" bed i found on craigslist since a month ago he told me, "mom, when we get a new house, can i please get a regulpier ar bed? i can't wait to not have the loft bed anymore." so i found the perfect captain's bed with 4 drawers on the bottom and storage behind the drawers. it matches a dresser my mom gave me that was my sister's a friend had given her, so he also got a bigger dresser and we've been working on making his room more pared down and grown up for him. the reality is, he mostly plays with his ds (now 3ds) and legos and books, so i've been going through his toys with him and TRYING to consolidate. if it were up to pete, we'd get rid of all of it, but i'm a little slower at it. however, i've been really good about selling things on craigslist we don't need and to make space. we sold his red flyer wagon, his toy chest, his loft bed and desk/chair (we actually gave those away with the bed to a really nice couple who are like our twins! the mom is pregnant and helping raise a 10 year old step-son, which was a little twilight-zone-ish!) and we also got rid of the big ottoman that was under the livingroom window to make room for christmas tree and now baby swing, and gave athena and brian our oversized chair to make room for a rocker we found on craigslist, along with our bamboo pier one imports media cabinet that was serving as a window seat in our bedroom to make room for the bassinet.. so even though it feels like we still have so much to do, we have really done a LOT so far! and that feels good. i was proud that we were able to carry out our holiday traditions as well as add in some new ones - this year we went to the grand del mar's annual holiday celebration, where we enjoyed some of the best hot chocolate, pastries, cookies, and mulled wine and tea, decorated gingerbread cookies, watched carolers and a scene from the nutcracker, and got some pictures with santa! we also had holiday photos taken by pete's old drummer friend kim, who is launching her own photography business. she got some really cute/cheesy christmas photos of us with santa hats and a bow around my belly, which was fun and served as great christmas card photos! evan and i made two batches of fudge, some of which we gave to his teacher and as gifts to family, we made a gingerbread house out of graham crackers, old candy, and royal icing (evan loved the icing), we got evan a lego advent calendar to go along with the advent calendar grandpa sends him every year, and nana came to visit halfway through december where we took her to christmas card lane, balboa park and the prado for lunch, also smashburger and takeout sushi.

other good moments:

on christmas eve, pete and i had a relaxing day watching "it's a wonderful life" for the first time (for me) i made eggs benedict with some wolferman's english muffins that came in a gift box pete's brother sent us (so good) and enjoyed the evening at my mom's house. christmas day we got evan at 10am and opened presents then headed up to grandpa's for more presents and christmas dinner. the following week was new year's eve and evan's birthday. we planned on spending NYE at the walsh's so we could have a low-key night and evan could hang out with ty. pete decided to accept a gig for the first time on NYE since we weren't exactly planning on partying the night away, but then had to cancel due to impending court stuff. it worked out really well because he was offered a gig at legoland for their "kid's new year's eve" celebration, which is a huge early evening party for the kiddos! evan got to go to sound check with pete on friday night, then we met up with pete at around 11 the next day at legoland, had lunch together, played mini golf, and then enjoyed the afternoon watching some of the 5 bands play on the lawn with our free hats and glow bracelets, checking out the new star wars mini land, building lego race cars at build and create, riding aqua blasters, and attempting to enjoy the fireworks with the thick fog that rolled in. thankfully daddy pete brought our chairs and planted them on the lawn so i was able to have a place to sit and rest. :) after legoland we had to stop by home to change, eat dinner, and give fuzz some fluids before heading to the walsh's. it was a mellow night with friends. i drove us home and we all crashed out around 2:30 after some snuggling in our bed together. (evan loves our bed.) on new year's day, we slept in, then headed to legoland to meet our friends for early lunch. i was so excited that sean, kat, ty, jefe, and kerri planned on spending the day with us to celebrate. e had a blast - the boys rode tons of rides, played games, ate ice cream, took part in lego driving school, played in the snow, and finally evan got to pick out a new lego set for his birthday thanks to uncle jefe. we stopped at karl strauss on the way home so the grownups could grab a snack, then it was onto the finale of birthday celebration weekend! thankfully grandpa offered to pick up the cake and pizza this year - normally i make evan's cake (with the help of evan, if possible since he enjoys it) but this year i welcomed the help! athena and brian brought ice cream, and we enjoyed some new york giant pizza, greek salad, wings, and delicious chocolate (mario) cake with vanilla frosting from a french bakery in costa mesa. evan opened presents and ty spent the night, so the boys were very happy. all in all it was a big success! big month, big weekend, and i'm happy that evan enjoyed.

another bright spot: we completed our four week series of "preparing your mind and body for childbirth" classes, which were very informative and fun! i wasn't sure it would be worth it to pay for classes, since we can read all of the information, but i am SO glad we did. it was cool to be in a class with other expectant couples (there were 3 other couples with our same due date!) and hear about their experiences. also, there's something to be said about being in an actual class with visuals and interaction.. helps the information sink in more. last week we took one of two "getting ready for baby" classes where we heard from a pediatrician, and also a breastfeeding class, where we learned basic nursing positions and tips/strategies for pumping, which will be very important in planning on going back to work. some of the information was a review, but it was still good to learn it again and be able to ask questions. we only have one more class left! i'm going to miss them... feel like there's still so much to learn! we have a stack of books to keep us occupied, so i hope we can get through them before she arrives.

also athena and i have been planning the baby shower. can't believe it's at the end of this month! so far 43 people have rsvp'd! athena is of course nervous about where all of these people are going to fit, but we are going to borrow some tables and chairs from pete's dad and cross our fingers that it doesn't rain! had no idea that many people would actually be able to come, but it turns out a lot of our friends are very excited about the arrival of baby thurston! earlier this week athena and i went shopping for decorations which was fun. :)

yesterday i met up with lisa for tea and to catch up and she gave us the cutest baby bath! it's called "blooming bath" and is this really cool cushy flower-shaped pillow that blooms to fill your sink. it's the coolest baby bath i've ever seen and i'm so stoked to have it. she was sweet enough to buy me some chamomile tea and we had fun talking baby stuff. she's due in june.

which brings me to pregnant friend update - i found out two more of my friends are pregnant, my big sis in the sorority in college, and my friend/former southwestern college fellow classmate/former coworker maly! i lost count how many of my friends are pregnant right now, but it's pretty neato to go through this experience with all of them.

Worst moment this week?: still waiting to see what's going to happen with this impending court stuff. it is a huge stress and black cloud hanging over our head and i can't even think about it too much or i'll start crying.

Movement?: her movement is REALLY impressive these days! i'm loving it! i got some videos of it because it's just so cool to see! it is easily visible from the outside as she's getting stronger and bigger. i keep reading that her movement will be slowing down in the next few weeks as she grows and has less room in my uterus, but for now i'm enjoying it. she hasn't made me too uncomfortable yet, but occasionally i feel a little something pressing on my bladder and stomach. such a trip. Food cravings?: well we've definitely slowed down the buying of sweets and treats, but it didn't really matter with christmas bringing us so many treats and leftovers from friends and family and neighbors! had to give some of it away because it was just too much and i was too tempted! normally i can keep my sweet consumption in check, and still, considering, i think i did pretty well and only ate 1 cookie or 1 piece of fudge/day, but that still adds up, as my doctor told me two days ago to "be careful" with my weight gain again, as i gained 6 lbs in the past 3 weeks. so even though i've been focusing on the fruits and veggies, i need to keep doing that, just sans the sweets and ice cream. also, with the classes, pete and i had been eating out or fast food once/week since we were on a time crunch, so that didn't really help. should be better now though. Labor signs?: no Belly button in or out?: still in! amazingly! it changed a lot and flattened out a bit.. my uterus is now WELL above my belly button, in fact, i can feel her moving up under my ribs and my rib cage expanding at this point, it is such a trip! i keep thinking its going to pop out any day, but i have some friends who said theirs never popped, and i'm starting to think maybe i'm in that category, too.

What I miss: cocktails and roller coasters. it wasn't easy being at legoland and having to sit them out. :( also the holidays brought lots of opportunities for yummy cocktails and celebratory drinks, but i sipped my virgin egg nog and enjoyed not having a hangover at all ever. all for a very good cause!

What I’m nervous about: as we approach the due date and the more i think about it, i get nervous about labor and delivery, but honestly not as nervous about how this court situation is going to pan out. the office that i temped in in san marcos worked out really well and garnered me just enough money to get through the holidays (thank god!) and i have one more temp opportunity next week that'll get me by until she's born and then we will see! i'm proud of myself for getting through this immense work situation stress and as we progress through the pregnancy, i'm trying to use that time to nest and prepare for baby! definitely need the time!

What I am looking forward to: baby shower! also, last week i visited my mom's friend sonia because she had a bumbo chair she was giving away (i ended up giving it to lisa because i already have one that amber let me borrow) and found out that they are moving to a new house at the end of march, and the current place they are living in would be PERFECT for us! it's a 3 bedroom two story townhome, it's not huge, but it's close by, really nice, has a garage and a small side yard, and the right price! only problem is what we would do with our place. when i spoke to a loan officer at ING, she said it didn't look like we would qualify for a loan modification, so we would have to try to rent our place out and the only chance would be to rent it to my mom.. we'll see. it would be so nice to have a room for kate! but the baby shower will be fun. :)

Milestone: entering the third trimester. i'm told i'll be getting progressively more uncomfortable as the weeks go by, so i'm trying to utilize this time to get as much done as possible!

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allinadaze · 13 years

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21 weeks!

so much for doing the weekly pregnancy blog post! time is FLYING by now. at first, when i wasn't feeling so great in the first trimester, time seemed to move so slowly. but now here we are, almost halfway there! hopefully i'll at the very least be able to keep up with these posts monthly from here on out!

How far along: 21 weeks, 5 days Total weight gain: 16 lbs! whoa. no wonder i don't recognize my own belly anymore! and last night was the first time i wore a pair of actual maternity pants. they're still a little big, but so much more comfortable! How big is baby?: the size of a banana - about 10.5 inches long. she has doubled in size in the past month! no wonder my appetite is picking up! we skipped over cantaloupe, which was 20 weeks and kind of strange to visualize a cantaloupe in my belly. Maternity clothes?: starting to integrate more of them into my wardrobe for sure these days! around the house i'm wearing yoga pants, pj pants, and sweats, because the weather has started to cool down significantly (it's down pouring outside as i'm typing this, and it feels so good to be inside!) thankfully this past tuesday i met up with my mom and her good friend sonia for lunch, along with her adorable baby cooper who is almost a year old. she gave me 3 pairs of maternity jeans! cute ones! i was so excited. one less thing to buy thank goodness! i treated my mom and her to lunch since it was the least i could do. two of them are full-panel jeans, and one of them is more of a low-rise under-the-belly type, which is great since i didn't know those existed! one of them is skinny and will fit nicely tucked into my boots this winter, too. yay! i did make my own version of a "bella band" by cutting off the top of a pair of american apparel yoga pants that were too tight in the thighs for me and it has helped keep me in my normal jeans for the past couple of weeks, but it does tend to roll and shift out of place, which can be annoying. that's what i'd heard about the bella band, too, which is why i wasn't too eager to buy one. Stretch marks?: none still, thankfully, although i'm definitely feeling my belly stretch and it's starting to itch. i've started using the fancy clarins oil daily now and having pete rub the palmer's on my belly occasionally at night, which is nice and an excuse to get a little husband pampering in haha. sometimes he can feel the baby while doing this and we both trip out. since i mentioned it last time, i'll give an update on my pregnant friends again (of whom the number has risen to 11 now!) unfortunately i found out another friend miscarried, bringing that total to 4 miscarriages this year out of the 11. so sad. all of them were very early, before 9 weeks. Symptoms?: i'm still feeling great in the second trimester thankfully and enjoying it! outside of some lower back pain (especially after bending over patients all day since i've been thankfully temping a bit) and difficulty sitting up from laying down or getting out of bed without pushing myself up sideways first (i'm so used to just jumping out of bed!) i really can't complain. just this past week i've noticed my appetite increase (i think i gained 3 lbs this past week, since our last dr. appointment) and have been eating more frequently and more quantity. whereas i used to always have leftovers if we eat out, i'm finding that not so much the case this past week haha. oh and i started feeling the baby kick! more on that further down. Sleep?: still sleeping pretty well thankfully, although it's been a little more difficult actually being forced to sleep more on my side since i am a stomach sleeper. thankfully i've been so tired, i am at least able to fall asleep pretty quickly even if i wake up a bunch of times. Best moment this week?: feeling the baby kick for REALS for the first time last week! since that first "kick" i am feeling her moving periodically throughout the day often now. it is such an interesting sensation - i thought i maybe felt her move before and maybe there was some swirling going on, but feeling that first actual kick, there was no denying what it was! something moving that doesn't normally move, and it really felt like a soft punch or kick from the inside. sometimes while laying down i even see my belly moving. i wish i could see what is going on in there and watch her move! it's so fascinating! a little bit alien to think about something growing and moving inside of you, but the first kicks are so reassuring and exactly what you want to feel. it's kind of addicting! when i feel them and pete's close to me, i tell him, "come feel come feel!" and most times he misses it, but a couple of times he's felt it. it never gets old! supposedly she can start to hear and recognize our voices now, so we've started talking to her and it's really sweet to hear pete talking to his daughter. nothing like it!

other good moments: last week we had our "anatomy scan" ultrasound, where the tech took a bunch of measurements and made sure she has two arms, two legs, two kidneys, etc. we were reassured to hear the dr. say that everything looks normal and our second round of genetic testing came back normal and that we really couldn't ask for better numbers. she said that my placenta is a little low right now, but nothing she's concerned about just yet, and that my weight gain is well within the normal range. i hope it stays that way! thankfully since i haven't had intense cravings, i've been able to focus a lot more on eating healthy and carbs in moderation. last weekend we had our annual "girls weekend" with my besties from college, so i may have indulged in some cupcakes and nachos, but i'm trying to balance it out with green smoothies this week. :) halloween also didn't help, bringing little bits of chocolate around the house. hard to resist baby ruth! i just realized thanksgiving and christmas are right around the corner - times when weight gain is almost inevitable anyway. oh boy..

also, we had a successful and relaxing evening in the desert with our friends where we enjoyed sushi with tibbs and hanging out with their cute baby boy austin, and we were able to meet up with the sylvias who gave us a crib, some fitted sheets, two baby carriers, two car seats, a stroller and a learning table! the weather was beautiful in the desert that weekend and it was a nice (and productive) getaway. so lucky we are to have such generous and amazing friends.

oh, and we went on our "babymoon" up the coast! it turned out better than i thought and we saw some amazingly beautiful sights along the way. i think i'll probably do a separate post about the actual babymoon, because we packed a lot in. highlights were meeting up with tanja and her son tomi, who were our road trip buddies for a little leg of the trip, staying with our cousins and seeing the girls all over pete, drowning him in pink and princess and all things girls (he enjoyed it haha) and our amazing ON THE WATER room in monterey where we relaxed and walked around cannery row. such a cool place.

Worst moment this week?: thankfully this was a good week! i hope it keeps going that way! last weekend for halloween we took evan to the local pumpkin patch and followed it up with dinner at islands, saturday was spent with my girlfriends catching up, chatting, walking along the beach to c-level and using "table topics" while relaxing on rachel's ridiculously comfortable z gallerie couch, then on sunday i stopped by my mom's on the way home where she loaded me up with some produce goodies from her garden and such. later that afternoon, pete, evan and i rode our bike to smashburger for lunch, then to the park for some soccer kicking, and finished up the day at the farmer's market for samples, kettle corn, and more produce for the week.

Movement?: baby is moving off and on more and more often now! especially after i eat. Food cravings?: as evidenced by our fridge, which is much more manageable since i'm able to go back to my old self and keep the leftovers in check, eating what we have rather than having to listen to my cravings, i am back to "normal" in that sense! just eating more frequently starting this week and trying to not give in to unhealthy cravings for ice cream, chocolate, and doritos as much. though there are still some of those things leftover from the first trimester and i'm not just gonna throw them away! nosiree. Labor signs?: no Belly button in or out?: totally starting to change now, just in the past couple of weeks! i've been reading that the uterus is migrating to just under my belly button, so it makes sense, and i can feel it! my lower belly is a little hard and my belly button is starting to flatten out to the point that i don't recognize it anymore! my belly and belly button do not look familiar to me these days. :)

What I miss: albacore nigiri sushi, wine, beer, and doing crunches.

What I’m nervous about: still how our financial situation is going to pan out, though i've been taking active steps toward making it better and I'm trying to keep the faith that it will work out.. also getting a tinge more nervous about labor the closer the date approaches. one of my friends who was due on december 6th had her baby boy today, a full month early! working at my mom's office has been great thankfully and all of the patients have been happy with me - i even got to fill in for the hygienist she works with who had to miss a day, so the staff trusts me and i'm just so thankful it's working out. my mom has been using the day off to get things done, too - she had to have a mole removed from her eyelid that started growing this past year and impeding her vision, so thankfully she was able to do that and also give her back a break since she works so hard. i have a couple of temp opportunities in december coming up and one of the doctors my mom works with may even have a job opportunity for me in may of next year, which is when i plan to go back to work if all goes well with baby!

What I am looking forward to: we have a lot of the major doctor appointments out of the way and the babymoon, and we've acquired a lot of the major baby items we need, so for the rest of the time, it's about paring down what we have, getting rid of what we need, organizing, trying to get back into a prenatal yoga/pilates regimen, and hopefully a better routine! i've also been dealing with trying to get refunds for graduate school fees i paid for along with a loan modification or short sale for our house, so these things are weighing heavily on me lately and i can't wait to cross them off of the list of things to do. Milestone: first baby kicks at 20 weeks! right on schedule! that's my girl. :) also belly is really popping out now. no denying the belly is a pregnant one at this point!

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allinadaze · 13 years

Text

17 weeks!

okay i'm finally starting a pregnancy blog for real. thankfully for the past few weeks things have been pretty quiet on that front. things in my life has been crazy and stressful, so i am thankful i've been feeling well and energized enough to handle the challenges. i found a sort of "template" i'm going to follow, and attempt to do it weekly for the rest of the pregnancy, so here goes:

How far along: 17 weeks, 5 days Total weight gain: 7 lbs, based on the scale at my dr. appointment on tuesday this week. weight gain is so different for every pregnancy, i'm learning. some women, at this point, have actually lost weight because they were so sick their first trimester. thankfully even though i felt a little off and carsick and downright just DRAINED at times, i didn't spend a significant amount of time at the toilet. just a couple of incidences - once when i took my prenatal vitamin too late on an empty stomach, and another time when i was really upset about my brother going through some hard times. How big is baby?: the size of an onion - about 5.1 inches long. Maternity clothes?: thank goodness i have some amazing friends who've given me boxes and bags of clothes, and i've been wearing them to cheer myself up with something "new" and special, and because the maternity clothes especially are extra soft and comfy, but i still fit in most of my jeans and shirts. i did wear a more fitted button-up shirt to an interview and while observing at my mom's dental office last week, and the buttons are just starting to pull a little, so it's apparent my belly has definitely started to grow! Stretch marks?: none. and i've been using palmer's cocoa butter on my belly, thighs, lower back, and boobs religiously every day. i have some more fancy expensive clarins stretch mark oil that my friend/former coworker gave me. she used to work at the clarins counter and was pregnant earlier this year but sadly lost the baby. that makes for the 1st of 3 miscarriages among my friends this year. as of now, 9 of my friends are pregnant along with me! Symptoms?: the moment i hit the second trimester - seriously, the DAY i was exactly 12 weeks pregnant, i started feeling better. just normal again. i stopped waking up every two hours to pee in the middle of the night, my blood pressure went back to my normal 100-110/70 (for a while when my blood volume was doubling, it was up to 120/80, which is also perfectly normal, but high for me) i stopped waking up in the middle of the night with hunger pains, and i went back to a normal breakfast/lunch/dinner eating schedule rather than eating a small meal every two hours to avoid feeling nauseous and faint. the second trimester has been heaven! i haven't felt the baby kick yet, but i am feeling some unfamiliar sensations down near my pelvic bone, that feel like something is twisting around in there. Sleep?: on the nights before mornings when i don't have to work - i've been sleeping surprisingly well! i get tired and my eyes start to literally shut around 10pm and i wake up around 6am, so it's actually a more regular sleep schedule than i had before i was pregnant, and i'm not allowed to take any sleep aids like melatonin or chamomile tea, so that's very reassuring. apparently making a baby is still making me tired enough to sleep. :) and although i've heard of crazy vivid dreams during pregnancy, i've had a couple of strange nightmares, but nothing on the regular thank goodness. Best moment this week?: finding out we're having a baby girl at the 4d ultrasound on sunday! pete took a video of the whole thing, which was fun because our OB office doesn't allow any pictures or videos or anyone besides 2 additional family members there during the visit. my brother and sister also got to be there and see the baby move for the first time, which was exciting because they had only seen pictures. my mom was at a chargers game since she got last minute tickets from norv haha and she was sad to miss it, but we took her to the last ultrasound appointment, so she did get to see the baby before at least. such an exciting moment. we've been doing lots of baby stuff and especially these past couple of weeks. we rearranged and cleaned our room from top to bottom to make room for the crib and bassinet - pete had a great idea to get rid of our sleigh bed which takes up more room than necessary and just get a headboard to buy us a couple more feet on either side, so we went to ikea and found something even better - a bed that has 4 drawers on the bottom and even some shelve storage space on the side of the headboard! this bed wasn't cheap and we weren't the only ones who fell in love with the idea of it, because it was sold out at the san diego location. the next day pete called orange county and there were 3 left in stock, so after work he drove up there and picked it up. it had to be a funny sight to see us unloading all of the huge boxes onto a sector 9 longboard and wheeling them to the base of our stairs to carry them up. after a long night, we ended up putting the bed together the next day (pete did most of the work, but i helped screw together some drawers) which took about 5 hours, and thankfully i got a buyer from craigslist for our old bed within hours of posting it! we are so pleased with the results and our room feels so much bigger. we created a "nursing nook" by moving our vintage rocking chair to one corner with our bookshelf turned vertically behind it. i suppose i should take some pictures haha. last week we also got an adorable bassinet from my mom's friend sonia and put it together. that was a pretty exciting and surreal feeling - to actually see a piece of baby furniture assembled in our room. the week before i picked up a swing from baby go round and it's been living in our livingroom for now, but something about seeing the bassinet made it that much more real and exciting. today we are going to be headed up to palm desert/la quinta to stay with our friends amber and dal who have a 1 year old baby boy.. we will be meeting up with our other friends kirsten and ty who have a 2 year old girl who happens to be growing out of all of her baby stuff just in time for us, including her crib! they're driving from arizona to visit her mom, and she is sweet enough to meet up with us in palm desert tomorrow morning to give us the crib, two car seats, and a bunch of other baby girl stuff. i'm really truly overwhelmed at the outpouring of love and support from our friends. at a time in my life when i never expected to be unemployed and looking for a job while pregnant, it is even moreso appreciated.

here's a link to the bed we got: http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/S89889453/

Worst moment this week?: fighting with pete about evan's mom. she's really been on the rampage since she found out i was pregnant and pete's having a hard time finding a way to be supportive. quite stressful.

Movement?: feeling some strange sensations, but can't tell if it's just stuff growing or baby actually moving at this point. Food cravings?: thankfully since i've entered the second trimester, the intense cravings have pretty much diminished! i'd say from about week 6 to week 12, the cravings were more intense i told pete they shouldn't be called "cravings" they should be called "MUST HAVE NOW." and it's strange because it's odd and very specific things that i don't normally crave. like those cheap banquet chicken frozen pot pies i used to eat as a kid. i only had one of them, but it was delicious. pete went to the store and bought be 4 different kinds! also blt's have tasted AMAZING. bagels, crackers, doritos, bean and cheese burritos, and anything bread-related was always at the top of my list. pancakes and pizza, and comfort foods like mac n cheese and mashed potatoes. strangely - steak and chicken and lettuce and cucumbers were extremely unappetizing to me. nothing really bizarre like pickles and ice cream hit me, but i did eat pickles because i like them. also i'd nibble green olives since i obviously can't have dirty martinis for a while. the olives are pretty much my favorite part anyway. :) i also wanted spicy foods and i'd have to have something salty and then something sweet. really overall i can't complain. i've been enjoying indulging in things like ice cream and cheese for calcium and eating maybe a little extra than i normally do just because i can. and cheeseburgers with my mom for lunch... and maybe a couple of happy meals from mc donalds. mmm chicken nuggets. Labor signs?: no Belly button in or out?: still way in. What I miss: albacore nigiri sushi! but i've been indulging in baked lobster rolls and shrimp tempura so it's all good. also hot tea. who knew there were so many tea restrictions! even green tea! What I'm nervous about: my work situation. but thankfully i started working at my mom's office yesterday and it was so nice to be back at work for a day, feeling worthwhile and remembering that i am good at something and can help people... lately i've been feeling down in the dumps on this front and i've had some people slam me down as well, so it was really nice to have the dr. praise me and nice patients compliment me and remind me that i actually am valuable! i really needed that. i'll be working there for the next couple of months so thankfully it's SOMETHING. thanks to my mom, since it seems being pregnant hasn't been helping me find a new job. on one hand it's been really nice to have the time to nest and organize and get things done around the house - make breakfast for my boys and cook a lot more without being exhausted, and even take a couple of afternoon naps in the beginning when i was feeling really really tired, but eating into my savings significantly has not been feeling so good. thank goodness it's there, but i want to avoid using it up entirely. so thank goodness for mom! and yesterday i proved myself to her boss and everything went well thank goodness, so this may actually eventually turn into a great job opportunity! everything happens for a reason, so i'm really trying to keep the faith at this point. What I am looking forward to: babymoon up the coast and pete just ordered me an iPhone 4s as an anniversary gift, so i'll be able to take amazing pictures and videos from no on from my phone! also looking forward to the anatomy scan at the end of this month to make sure everything is measuring and growing properly. Milestone: 17 weeks - almost half way!

other happenings - at our OB appointment this week, i got my first ever flu shot. i was so nervous i would experience flu symptoms or feel badly afterward because i've heard so many varying stories about them. it would've been particularly bad timing because it was our 2 year anniversary, and we had a jam-packed day of fun plans that i wanted to be in tip-top shape for! i went back and forth in my mind about it, and then decided since i'm going to be working for the next couple of months with patients again, i better just buck up and do it while i have the opportunity. the shot itself stung and kept stinging for a couple of hours, but it really wasn't as bad as i expected. thankfully at this point, after hygiene school and after having my blood drawn at least 5 times so far throughout the pregnancy, needles don't bother me very much. and it's a good thing because right after my appointment, i had to head over to the lab to give blood once again. at this appointment, our OB told us that all of the genetic screens so far look really good, and based on our lab results and the measurements from the nuchal translucency ultrasound, our numbers are "looking really good." so it looks like our baby girl thurston is already growing into a strong and healthy person! she also projected the heartbeat for us to hear, which was 150 bpm and within normal limits. she said my weight looks good and basically everything looks good! we like those uneventful appointments. on our way to the lab, we ran into a woman who was crying as if she'd just received very bad news and it was so sad.. the office where I see my OB is also an infertility clinic, so there are all kinds of women going there for different procedures. just a reminder of how much of a blessing it is to simply have a healthy baby and pregnancy. feeling so thankful these days.

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