amandasflourbabyblog-blog

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Parenting Reflection

The one thing that surprised me the most about my parenting experience was how hard it is to carry your baby everywhere! 5 pounds isn’t even the size of a normal baby and the day after i walked around downtown with her in my arms, my arms were sooo sore! I can’t imagine what it must feel like to carry an 8 pound baby. I didn’t realize how many choices my mom had to make with me until I had to make those choices for Melody. For example, with Melody, I had to decide how much time is appropriate for her to be using electronic devices such as I pads or watching T.V. I never realized that my mom had to be careful in what she allowed me to watch as a child since violent shows can lead to children thinking violence is appropriate in real life to solve problems. The I pad part is more relevant in my days of parenting than when my mom had me since technology is becoming more prevalent and the age when kids start using phones becomes younger and younger. There are many valuable things I learned about child development. My favorite thing I learned was definitely learning about Piaget’s stage theories and how kids are egocentric in the proportional stage of life where they have difficulty perceiving things from another’s point of view. This was really interesting to me because i had no idea that the reason kids stand in front of the T.V and block your view is because of this and not because they are being selfish! Another thing I thought was really cool and interesting to learn was that we are born with a lot more neurons than we need at birth and they go through the process of pruning in the early years of life and therefore it’s really important to read, sing, and expose your child to a whole host of different experiences early on. I also find it scary that less than half of all zygotes survive two weeks! I thought the experience was real in the fact that we had to carry them around everywhere and they weighed only a few pounds less than a normal baby. It was also realistic because we had to make sure they were in a safe place at all times and used babysitters when needed. It wasn’t real because the babies didn’t cry, keep us up at night, interact with us, laugh, talk, wake us up in the middle of the night, change diapers, etc. I think the biggest challenge of being a teen mom would be trying to fit in school work, a social life, sports, clubs, extracurricular activities, and raise your child all at the same time. On top of that, you have to face the judgement of others when you go out in public. 

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Melody at 4 years old with Emery and Penelope! 🎉❤️

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Back when Melody was 3 years old!😝

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Throwback to when Melody was 2 years old with her grandma!!

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They grow up so fast! Her legs are so long now!! 😭😍💖

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Melody and I went out for dinner last night!

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My Three Year Old

Now that Melody is three years old, she has a better sense of right and wrong and wants to please me more than she did last year. She also created her first imaginary friend this year, and it’s the cutest thing ever! It’s an elephant named Morris and she always plays with him when she’s not with her friends. She can draw pictures for me as well now. Yesterday she drew me a picture of Morris and I can already tell she is going to love art like I did when I was her age. It’s really nice that she can dress herself now because when we go shopping, I can ask her if she likes what I picked out! I’ve been waiting for this because I don’t want to enforce girly stereotypes on her if it’s not what she wants. Her favorite book is Goodnight moon, just like most three year olds, but I still think it’s adorable. A few weeks ago, she wanted to learn how to cook and I was having her do simple tasks to have fun, but she accidentally spilled the milk on the floor that we using. I had a choice to make. I could either be mad and yell at her to clean it up herself, say it’s ok and clean it up with her, or say it’s ok and clean it up myself. I chose to tell her it was ok because i knew it was an accident and helped her clean it up so she could be responsible for her mess, but without making her feel bad. This type of parenting is authoritarian, which research says is the best. Some of the effects include the child being very social, being good at developing positive relationships, being emotionally stable, better in school, and tend to use less drugs and alcohol. (http://www.the-positive-parenting-centre.com/authoritative_parenting_style.html). This past year, I’ve learned to be responsive to Melody and reason with her about my choices I’ve made rather than say “because I said so”. She spilled things a lot and got made at me, but I made sure to stay calm and tell her my reasons. I’m excited for her to turn 4 soon!

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My Two Year Old

Melody has definitely been a “terrible two” this year. This past year, she has mimicked everything I do from vacuuming with her play toy to pretend cooking! Another very exciting this is her being able to have basic conversations with me such as what she wants to eat, and let me tell you, she is VERY picky! When i take her to the park, she’ll play with me but doesn’t interact with other kids her age. I was also finally able to take her diaper off!!! yay! She was actually pretty easy to potty train. She stood on the tips of her toes for the first time last week and can climb onto furniture without my help! She’s even running fast around the house and at the park now. One parenting decision I made this past year was what parenting style i was going to adopt for Melody since she’s becoming more aware of herself and my tones of voice. I decided to be an authoritarian style parent because most research suggests that this style is beneficial for kids from a variety of backgrounds and ethnic groups with is especially important for her since she is a different ethnic group than I am. This parenting style works well because it is middle ground (not too strict and not too much freedom). (http://www.parentingscience.com/authoritative-parenting-style.html) Another parenting decision I made was how I wanted to deal with her tantrums. The articles I read said it is best to empathize, limit the word no, make observations, teach, be silly, help them verbalize, set boundaries, slow down, change the environment, and encourage them to be independent. (https://imperfectfamilies.com/tips-parenting-2-year-old/) I also limited the exposure she had to technology so she could get more real world experiences rather than fake ones on the tv or i pad. Research hasn’t seen any benefits to children spending time on devices so I avoid too much with Melody. “apps that simulate conventional toys don’t teach children the crucial skills that come from physically engaging the world in three dimensions” (http://healthland.time.com/2011/10/20/no-screen-time-for-2-year-olds-do-ipad-apps-count/) Also, it could cause her to have less meaningful relationships and even make it harder for her to make them! It could affect concentration, self-esteem, and possibly not have as deeply personal relationships (https://www.littlethings.com/reasons-not-to-give-children-technology/). 

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Melody eating a cookie to celebrate her first birthday!!!😍💕

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My One Year Old

Melody turned one years old today and I’m so excited to announce that she walked for the first time today! She also climbed up stairs for the first time which is exciting because I know she’s less likely to tumble down them now. She slept for 11 hours last night for the first time. She usually sleeps less than 8 hours but last night was awesome! I finally got sleep! She is also eating the same food as me now, except for grapes and hot dogs of course:) I love that she can feed herself now even though it’s pretty messy. I am also very relieved to know that Melody said “Mama” today, which is her first word! I was worried for nothing. One major parenting decision I had to make this year was deciding if i was going to wait to go back to work or go back and leave Melody in daycare. I decided to stay home this year to form a stronger bond between us. Although research says that some women need more stimulation like they had before when they went to work, but I could not be happier to be with my little Melody! The pros outweigh the cons for me. It allows me to help my family run more smoothly and I have way less stress not worrying about her all day long. (https://www.babycenter.com/0_staying-at-home-pros-and-cons_6025.bc?page=2) I also had to decide if i wanted Melody to get vaccines since there are articles that say it causes a whole range of illnesses. I decided to give her the vaccines because I believe it’s better to risk it than have her get a deadly disease. Most research says vaccines are safe and effective. (https://www.vaccines.gov/more_info/features/five-important-reasons-to-vaccinate-your-child.html)

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Melody had a play date today with her baby friends! This was her first time in public/elevator! We celebrated their 1st birthdays and went to Chalogy and Walnut Creek:)💗

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Melody is a newborn here! All swaddled and ready for bed!!💕

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My Newborn

A little after Melody turned 4 months old, she rolled over for the first time! This made me nervous because it means she could turn over in her sleep and accidentally suffocate, but she can also hold her head up better now so it’s not too scary. She was able to sit up unsupported at about 5 and a half months which is earlier than most infants so that was very exciting! A few weeks later, she was crawling on all fours! This is also the time that she started to be afraid of heights so I made sure to steer clear of the empire state building! Haha! At 8 months old, she was so afraid of strangers that I couldn’t even let her be in the arms of a family member without her screaming bloody murder! These have all been important milestones in Melody’s life so far and I’m excited to see more in the upcoming years! Melody will turn one years old tomorrow and she hasn’t said her first word so that could be a cause for concern but it’s too early to tell. Hopefully she will say a word soon! One major parenting decision I made in her first year of life was decide when to feed her solid food. I started feeding her solid food at 6 months old because research suggests that there is a lower risk of obesity in the future for children who eat solid food later rather than earlier. Her digestive system will also have more time to mature. (http://kellymom.com/ages/older-infant/delay-solids/) Another decision I made was to sleep train Melody, meaning I would let her cry a few minutes by herself while trying to fall asleep, then come in and comfort her and slowly increase the time I would wait before coming to comfort her. This taught her to not rely on me to fall asleep and in the long run, it helped her get longer stretches of time in sleep mode. (http://www.babysleepsite.com/sleep-training/is-sleep-training-selfish/) It was hard to hear her cry and not come to her rescue, but I think it helped in the long run. Since 75% of the worlds population is bilingual, I have no doubt that melody will also benefit from it. Research says it is a myth that raising your child with multiple languages will confuse him or her and as long as the child has enough exposure in each language, there shouldn’t be a problem. As the kid gets older, they will correct themselves and be able to distinguish between the two (or more) languages. (http://www.multilingualchildren.org/getting_started/myths.html#confuse) One thing to make sure the child knows is that both languages are equally important because often what happens is the kid will think the language spoken most often at school and in the media is the more important one and the other one is useless or unimportant. (http://theearlyhour.com/2016/08/22/raising-bilingual-children/)

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Pregnancy

Melody has gone through many milestones since the day she was created. After all, it’s hard work attaching to the uterus and facing the risk of being attacked by your own mothers immune system! Melody started out as a zygote, developed into an embryo, and two months after fertilization, she can finally be called a fetus! Her mother is about 35 weeks into her pregnancy which means she is finally at the point of viability. If something went wrong and she had to be born at this point, she would have a high chance of survival. At 5 months old, she was able to hear sound. I hope my future baby’s development has been typical in the sense that everything has been happening as it should be and her biological mother hasn’t had any concerns. As of right now and until Melody is born, her main job is to grow and form Myelin sheath around the neurons in her brain, many more than she’ll actually need. I hope her biological mother has been staying away from teratogens, like chemicals and viruses since the placenta allows nourishment to flow from her mothers body to Melody. She also started going through the sleep wake cycle a few weeks ago and dreams of sound! 

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Our Family

Hi! I’m Amanda and I’m adopting a baby girl and naming her Melody, Mel for short. She is African American, with these beautiful, bright hazel eyes. She was only one day old when her parents got in a car accident and died in surgery. They were on their way home from the hospital when a drunk driver veered into them. I am raising Melody by myself since I don’t have a significant other which could impact her life in multiple ways. She will be likely to develop skills of independence at an early age. (http://living.thebump.com/data-single-parent-vs-dual-parent-households-15860.html) She will also be more likely to understand responsibilities and be more careful when choosing a partner later in life. (http://www.momjunction.com/articles/advantages-and-disadvantages-of-single-parenting_00372990/#gref) As Melody grows up, she is likely to wonder about her biological parents such as what they were like and possibly think about the life she could have had with them. Adopted children are more likely to suffer with identity development and self esteem. (https://www.mentalhelp.net/articles/long-term-issues-for-the-adopted-child/) I am nervous for when the time comes that I have to tell her she was adopted and the story behind her parents. Since Melody is African American, I know she will have a sense at an early age that she is different from me, but I hope to make my household a loving place for the both of us! Although Melody is more likely to feel confused about her ethnicity, culture, and background, a large study found no self esteem differences between adoptees and non adoptees, regardless of whether they were adopted across race or within race. (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/adopting-reason/201605/is-transracial-adoption-harmful-kids) My biggest concern/challenge I feel that I am going to face will be the judgement that others show, whether it’s my family or the cashier at our local grocery store. I hope that none of their judgement will affect Melody in a negative way. I also hope that she feels accepted and loved for who she is and that I can be someone she turns to for questions about life. More than anything, I hope she grows up to be a strong, independent, and caring young lady!