andnowilovecats

[andnowilovecats]

2023/04/11

i want to kill myself

[andnowilovecats]

#sad

[andnowilovecats]

2023/02/20

i realize that every time i start talking about the fact how i wanna be a writer instead of majoring science …my mom start being weird about it

she will start with something like “i didn’t give you to study anything” “you do what ever you want” “why are you complaining about stuff you agree with”. and then she start being mad at everything she see, like dinner or me sitting there.

last time she open the window on the high speed and it’s fking scary.

i think she can’t deal with this something idk. but i do know that i shouldn’t show in this house that i am a infp instead of this estj kid she want

[andnowilovecats]

2023/01/20

first blog for 2023 hummmm

well if i will do my self identity again!

gender: non binary

romance: panromantic

sexual orientation: demisexual

now currently in platonic relationship with someone who refuse to call me boyfriend/girlfriend.

i will lock us two up in the bathroom and masterbate while i see her next time.

[andnowilovecats]

so my friend have a secret gathering sleep over without letting me know and i have to know it from one of their instagram short

they end up having a truth or dare. they dare sylvia for sending a message of getting back together and despite that is very rude

after that when i went asking who did that they (of course) said they were drunk and didn’t remember anything

i am guessing they already screenshot everything and send it to a secret group chat and be like “i covered you and did not say anything”

also after that i send sylvia a message that even thought she doesn’t mean it but i do want to get back together like five hours ago and i am pretty sure that she saw it and just don’t want to read/reply

i don’t care they have a gather without me cause that’s kinda their right. but i do think they don’t need to involve me during and send out drunk messages about something i am obviously sad about and make it as a joke

they don’t think about me while having fun but when they need a joke/prank they decide to involve me in. and i think that’s kinda wrong

specially high chance that person who make the prank have no idea what’s going on and probably if you talk to them (when they are not drunk) they will be like “i have no idea what’s between you two and i don’t care. pls do not involve me in that”

i did tried to talk to them. they are just going to say they are drunk and it’s just some joke they barely remember

i know we are no longer friends (bc i might spend most time on other people) and we’ve alr shift apart and that’s okay

but maybe don’t involve me as a joke specially when it’s fking rude

[andnowilovecats]

i found naked women’s pic and pics of boobs and vagina in my dads photo booth

[andnowilovecats]

2022/12/24

my parents are taking about my future. they are planning about which undergrad school takes me to stanford most easily.

i turned my earphone to max and all i can think of is the clubs i’ll join the classes i’ll take and … the girl (#01) i will be with.

[andnowilovecats]

我好想控制自己的未來

[andnowilovecats]

如果可以選擇 我想當一個膚淺的人 這我就可以只為一首歌而開心了

[andnowilovecats]

好空虛

我覺得我好像天地間的蜉蝣 我覺得好像沒有人理解我、懂我

一切都好無趣 我認識的所有人都可以有替代品

我在特定的時間 在特定的地點 做著特定的事

彷彿一切都沒有意義

只有01 01是光

跟他在一起我感覺到被理解 我感覺有意義

01好美 我想念他了

[andnowilovecats]

what do i do now?

[andnowilovecats]

2022/11/13

i want to kill myself

i feel like i am the only one that can’t make things right

i am the only one can’t do something cool and stunning

am i a normal person

what if i do end up in a community college

will i ever be able to work myself into ucb

will i

[andnowilovecats]

2022/11/12

am i the only one can’t get a 40+ in ib

am i the only one who sucks

i feel like i want to die

no one gets me. cause they are better

i’m just me

you are not perfect but you did get a 43. you wont ever gets me.

im at a very low place that you can’t even imagine

fuck off

im not getting into anywhere

if that happens i will disappear

i might die or might not

but no one will ever see me again

no one

for ever

i want talent and i get none

i want to be better but nothing happens

nothing will ever happen

so fuck off

[andnowilovecats]

2022/11/10

help

will you do the same for me

can i trust you

i can ruined my life for you

can you

[andnowilovecats]

2022/11/09

babe, you are real. real to me most of the time. i like that when you talk about your podcast and gay books, and cat pics and tumblr, and the musics i don’t get (i mean to be fair you don’t get kind too). most of the time i can feel you as this weird nerdy person who always have the coding tab on.

but then things happen. like when i failed a test that i prepared for like for a eeek. or when you earned some first prize. or when you dare to dream those rly big and far schools that i never will be able to dream about. i get that you are far away. sometime i just want to hang out with you, and other ppl will be like “you hanging out with that smart kid!” or “it’s fine anne is the best” and stuff. i keep realizing you are not just a person, but you achieve some very high achievements. and i’m just…me.

i can’t view you as a person. cause you are not. you are smart and far away.

[andnowilovecats]

2022/11/07

[andnowilovecats]

2022/10/21

我想死 殺了我殺了我殺了我