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annaklover · 4 years

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Quarantine day, I LOST fucking track.

Here's the issue. It can take up to 14 days if infected to show symptoms. And if you're a carrier, you're not going to know until they run titters after this is over. In the mean time, say you were exposed 10 days ago, went to the bar crawl, out to the mall a couple times, over to a few house parties, and visited family after church. You've exposed hundreds. The excuses of I'm bored, and I miss my __ insert whomever here is selfish. We had a lady in the town next to is test positive, knew she was under the weather, but still went out and about for a week with symptoms. That's one person. She is reflective now. Sees she was a selfish person, but she wanted to live her best life. Because she's entitled to, right? It's a wake up call when one of the people who died got it via community spread in her area. She is always now going to wider if she killed that vet. Because she couldn't be bothered with staying 6 feet from others for 2 weeks, and now she's forever separated by 6 feet of dirt. Her coughing may have given someone else, a coffin. What a weight she now carries.

Every time we are going out and hanging out, we are resetting the clock on this thing.

I applaud those front line workers, man. They are the MVPs in this. To those who made the hard choice to close and wait it out. We see you. We appreciate you. And when you reopen, we will be there for you. For the eateries still opened, crib side delivery in gloves, we see you now. And appreciate not only your commitment to your food, but to creating a slice of normal for us.

There is a literal, mum and pop coffee shop in town. In a basically dead mall, but they don't care. They also roast their own beans. We've made weekly trips there to purchase pounds worth of beans. They have Starbucks prices. $1 an ounce for beans. BUT they are opened, and local, so we are making the trip to support them. They actually messaged me during a snowstorm today to tell me they were closing early, on the off chance we were coming today for beans. Customer. Service.

I was at Walmart the other night and saw a family of 4 kids from the school I teach at. It was the first time I ran into any of my kids, and it hurt so much I couldn't let them hug me. I missed the school parade where the staff stood safe distances apart and the families drove past. But one of my work besties got called my name more times than she could count.

Schooling. I'm don't for the entire year. I lost over 40 jobs, probably more. The only support we for was a link to the unemployment office, with no guarantee of compensation. BUT we will be expected to come back and work after this is all over. Our next paychecks won't be until October. But, let's pretend you didn't just stiff us, and leave us in the cold. They already had a shortage. Ekk, for next term is all I'm going to say.

Teachers are trying. If your student had the teachers that wanted to raise thinkers, you got stuff for your kid to keep mentally stimulated. If you had a teacher that was all about just getting through the days, they either piggybacked off the ones that work(and low key took all the credit to the admins), or sent bare minimum. Parents at home are getting a ride wake up to how little school really does to teach kids, and how much it does to just reprogram them to whatever society is fadding at the moment. I was told by friends that they have maybe 120 minutes of lessons/work for their kids, daily. That's with 30 for music and gym. 15 minutes blocks, tops. And parents are losing their ever loving shit. These are the same parents throwing parties and playdates as well.

We have been lucky, as LoKi is far less stressed, and most prepared with the idea of this than probably any of his peers. He was truly an introvert, that put it all out when he was on stage. Now he can get his work done in 30 minutes and then take a break, eat all the goldfish one can humanly consume and go to his music room and play for 3 hours and call it homework for 2 classes(choirs & concert band) He's doing a Google classroom for taekwondo as well, teaching pattern work, and doing things the Master comes up with for conditioning. That counts as all his gym. Plus he loves going for walks with his dad, so that's bonus Phys Ed. Computers is basically chatting about the rest of your classes on a Discord channel, Bio is watching science crap and taking open tests, councilor is checking in or replying to an email or Google doc, English is read this thing, take a open quiz. The rest of the day he's moving Discord, and playing games with his mates around the world. They check in and talk about how they are all doing. He's highly connected. After his dad goes to bed, he and I go watch some comedy shows. He is mentally & emotionally doing far better than his peers, and many adults we know.

We started this 3 Mondays ago. We are guessing this goes through mod May, with normalcy/complacency back by end of July. Just in time for us to get our dog. It will not be a puppy, but a 7yo bitch. Another Universe given dog. She will live out the rest of her years as just a dog. Who hopefully becomes BFF to the doggo directly down the hill. More on her later.

Take care all y'all. Please do the 14 days asked of us. Yes, for many it's been longer, but we are paying for those who aren't now. Wash your hands. Physical distance. And don't even get me started on Tiger King jokes, because we actually knew him from when they used to come to the rural mall by us, back in the day!

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annaklover · 4 years

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Forty

So this is the alleged middle age. It was a quiet day. Boys to their respective places for the day, I alone in blissful quiet to catch up on the sleep I didn't get the night before. That should have been a hint I would become forty with a migraine.

Even on silent, I knew there would be a slew of messages, and well wishes when it was turned back on. It was a feeling of love throughout the day from those that took a second to think of me. I did notice the lack of those from last year who ghosted. That was the final nail for them. Welcome to INFJ Door slam to them. Our family if better without that toxic mess influencing any of us.

As I said it wasn't parties, friends, and all that. Grabbed my favourite tap rootbeer from a local pub and their Sammie's and chilled at home.

Gifts were simple. More than anything I just wanted a chill day. Which I got. The hubs brought me out to a local store and got me a lovely wonder stone flame. Simple, but I love it. It was almost exactly what I had hoped for.

BUT best of all was a dog breeder I have been in contact with slipped us on the list for her spring litter. And my husband said DO IT! She only has a small amount of dogs in a given year. Now before I hear the adopt don't shop, educate yourself on Havanese and their story. Without the core 11 dogs escaping during the Cuban revolution, and selectively breeding, that entire breed would be gone. Dead, because of a dictator. My last pupper was a Havanese, and this feels right. It will be a pet, not breed stock, as are 99% of her dogs. This littler is expected to be all reds. 😱 When I showed LoKi the message last night, he started crying, and again today when she sent email confirmation. They are not placed by look or gender, but by personality. We want another soul pupper, like our last one. We fell into him. This one was almost being guided to this lady. And she's within a days drive. I'm so cautiously optimistic. But it appears we three are all on board. So much so, hubs has already talked to his mum about it. I know three years ago as I was losing Sully, I was broken. And only marginally recovered before losing my father in law exactly five months later. So now, we wait. Depends on when the litter drops, but we could be picking it up on or around LoKi's birthday. It's surreal.

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annaklover · 4 years

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I look back to where our lives were 6 months ago, and it feels like lifetimes ago. Wool pulled over our eyes, or rose coloured glasses, I'm not sure which analogy fits better. I want to say the stress has diminished due to the absence of the organization in out lives. But with that was the death of LoKi's passion for preforming. Yes, he's in his second show out of it. Yes, he's started with another company, but instead of stage talent, he is tech. He's done it twice, once for a show, whilst also doing a full musical himself, and ones for a a famous magician/comedian. His plans for the summer are not what 6 months ago we ever imagined. And that's ok. It's just a change. Many things have. People that were adopted in be it with the org or sycophantically wish they were are now strangers. Those that were more free thinkers have become closer. None of the trio willing to let anyone in too close right now. We wish the ones driven to success despite what was said about them. So much so they can forget about them, because they preformed and the org made bank with their boarderline appropriate hours and threats.

We hope to just leave here, and leave this place in our rearview, and probably nightmares. Be it in a few months, or at the latest when The Claw retires out in approx 6 years. A huge blow that the coming opening will be not within our grasp financially.

I've been nothing but sick since coming up here, and honestly, I don't want to die in Dante's seventh circle on Earth. More blood taken, rendering no more answers than the last 24 in the last year, more in the last 5. I'm over whatever it is. My GP knew the blood would come back normal, so he secondary diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. He admits it's the epitome of diagnostic cop-outs, but it covers there is something wrong. It's more than the rheumatologist gave. They don't know why I'm losing calcium at at fast rate with this test. In May, it was fine when I had the 12 vials drawn, and the 10 days earlier than that in April when they snagged 4, it was fine as well. But both the others something else was wonky. That something, let's be honest: is me. I'm exhausted all the time. The bone in my spur on the daily I feel rubbing it's hook into my plantar fascia, so I'm being as careful as I can with working and walking. The freakish strength I had all my life, even this summer is basically gone. As I can barely open jars and lids. But my blood says I'm fine...How about we look past the blood? Let's get some images of the brain. Figure out the pains in my glands across the back of my neck and jaw that are not TM(effing)J. I know that pain. This is not that. The aphasia that I get I can usually cover up in normal talk thanks to an expanded vocab, bit if you know me well, you see me struggling and you know. My coworker friends have noticed and asked. I just avoid most other small talk with non friends when possible so they don't notice.

If I get hit with an episode during a lecture, luckily I have enough prompts to cover my arse and get through. If it's during a Q&A, I just look like I'm thinking hard whilst looking for the word to get from the picture in my brain to my mouth. But, rejoice, my blood is "normal-ish" I'm grateful AF to be able to work as much as I do. I could probably every day, bit I know it would render me a mess by week's end. I like doing all the things, not just one. I'm booked through the end of the academic term now, with wiggle room for more if they really need it. I adore the kids, though they at the same time drive me insane. I'm thankful for my 3 amigos there. With KB as an honourable 4th, since my main girl B left. It will be great once K is back from bebe time. But we survive without her. I'm just glad I said no to FT to cover.

Enough moaning for the night. I'm going to go research new mobiles.

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annaklover · 4 years

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The longest week, brings the longest night

Well, we survived to Winter Break! This week seemed to last for a year. Though I wasn't off, I was going about calling and arranging a plumber for the broken disposal, cleaning where it leaked and being here when he was. Plus running LoKi about, on time, 5x to school for events. That was a whirlwind. To top it off, dentist appointment this morning. She leaned on my jaw as she was cleaning it. It hasn't been at this level of discomfort since before I had PT on it this summer. I'm exhausted. I have been bit by bit placing LoKi's computer stuff into his room. Tonight was his gaming chair. All was going smoothly until it hit me the box has no arms in it. At.All. It was almost comical, because why the heck not? And the Friday before Christmas at 10 minutes to 5 on the coast, I'm sure they wanted that call today. Honestly, they will get here when they do and LoKi is loving the chair right now without it. They will arrive, I will get what I paid for, but we can be patient.

Tomorrow is the longest night of the year. Of you are living up here, that seems crazy, but before DST it's already getting dark in the 5 ish hour. So legit 4 pm darkness. If it wasn't cold, I would love it. Tomorrow also means longer day light is coming. Bring on the sun, and efffffff the cold. Here it will be cold until May. I hate it, truly. I look forward to those 100 degree days where it just bakes. Give me 🌞. I may or may not be a flower. ;)

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annaklover · 5 years

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Halloween 5 Minute Writing Prompt:

I was awakened from my slumber by the sound of a car alarm. Seemingly every bloody morning my neighbor from the flat below me hits the panic, not the unlock on his car. You would think my idiot neighbor would know how to unlock his vehicle. My alarm is going off on the side table. I haven't had the luxury of using it since he got his new vehicle. I am already up, and loathing it all. I begrudgingly shut it off and head into the bathroom, and get ready for work. A night full of night terrors, again. I never totally recall them if I'm startled awake. I don't know if I want that insight into my mind anyways. At least I am awake now. I finish my 5-minute meditation and grab for a daily affirmation card. 'Your life is a reflection of your soul, what side of the mirror are you on?' Wow, ground breaking.

My routine is mundane and dare I say, routine. It is the only thing normal to me in my life. I'll turn on the salt lamp to start with a softer light. Ease into whatever the day may bring. Bathroom break, dress, teeth, and initial hair brushing out in the semi darkness. I can see the counter, and the items I need, bit not much else.

My first steps into the bathroom and my slippers are crunching over debris on the darkened floor. I must have got up and slept walk and decided to eat crisps on the bathroom floor, again. I make a mental note to clean it all up before I leave for work. No wonder I'm single. Who wants a sleep walking/eating banshee as even a roommate, much less a mate. And that's just the quirkiness of night.

Slowly bringing myself around to that 'first day of the rest of my life' crap my cards keep telling me about. Those cards are always the same mushy positive crap day in and day out. But, I've done them daily for 13 years now. My mind goes from the trauma that triggered my use of the cards, to the flashes from my dreams. Are they connected? I'm sure somewhere deeply inside my grey matter they are. I reflect on what I could remember of dreams, it's not much, as I'm pulling the brush through the thick curls. I shouldn't have brushed it last night. I was too exhausted to attempt it last night. Come to think of it, I didn't take remove my eye make-up either, so I probably look extra rolled up and put away wet. I'm not going over, but it sure feels like it, and everything hurts. Reality was going to be rough today. It feels like it's been Tuesday for a lifetime.

It was time to face the music, and see how much work it was going to take to give me the appearance of a functional being. I reach with my right hand to flick on the overhead lights. My face automatically raises up towards where the lights are. I am instantly blinded. Hands slamming into the counter to steady myself and fighting back a headache of the bright light. As my eyes slam shut, I'm bombarded with noises from the bustling city below. When will I learn not to repeat the same things every morning?

I'm looking down at the counter, letting my eyes adjust. It's a daily struggle. My fingers finally come into focus. The noises and voices from below fade into the background once more. I note the slight bluish-purple of my nail bed. I should at least put forth the effort and polish them. It would cover that up. Anything to draw attention away from the not normal of myself.

I glance up. My hair looks like every electrocuted cartoon, ever. Time to get serious with it. I start pulling products from the drawers to tame this mess. I don't want to heat treat it. Mornings, and hot things near my face bring flashes of last night's dreams to the forefront of my brain. As fast as it was there, it's gone. I hate my brain. I shake away the remaining cobwebs. As I to see if there is progress, my reflection smirking back in the mirror. Why? It's not humorous at all. I don't feel the smirk on my own face. My face morphs to disgust my body conveys as I begin to reach for the flat iron.

I can see in the mirror as I reach I dribbled toothpaste on my shirt again. Damn. I look down, don't see it. Grabbing all over where I swore I just saw it. I'm probably seeing things, it was a rough night. I'm not losing my mind. I look back to the mirror to see if I can locate it there, and I'm looking at myself, nothing is there. I run my hands over my face and pray silently I'm not going crazy, I'm already partially numb to the thought.

Reaching over to the now hot iron, I see my reflection head cocked, and smirking again. Not reaching at all! I was almost fine and willing to brush it off, until I am watching what I thought was my reflection, blink. Suddenly, everything is dark, I hear glass clinking to the countertop and finally to the floor.

I was awakened from my slumber by the sound of a car alarm...

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annaklover · 5 years

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The legit daily struggle.

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annaklover · 5 years

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It's been a whirlwind couple years. I went from volunteering at a place, to offer of running the place to absolutely wishing the place the worst possible luck. It's not petty, but the people there are either old AF, and set in the way it's always been, or lying dirt balls, that think themselves giants. That's not where I can give my energy, or support. I'm still processing the emotions from it all. Any place "for kids" that uses them for money and be damned the repercussions, is not okay. If parents only understood and actually thought about it. Their kids have told them, but they are so far up the glitz and glamour to actually hear and listen. Ugh.

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annaklover · 9 years

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Totally did this my Sr. year. No regrets either, it was a stupid semester long assignment .

can u believe last year i actually manipulated one of my teachers into thinking i handed up my project and she was like “oh yea alanah i remember reading yours it was really good i think i gave you 90% for it?” and i literally said “im pretty sure it was higher than that and she ended up giving me 96% for a project i never did

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annaklover · 9 years

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