anonymousemotionaladvice

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

This is so fucking funny

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

im 11, 5’1 and female. since last year ive been feeling more insecure about my body, my stomach etc. i used to be 102lbs(but a lot of it was muscle weight) and now im 83lbs. my mom says im underweight. im trying my best to eat more but im scared. like, i want to gain weight but every time i eat a bit more and look in the mirror i get scared. what if i continue my old habits? will i gain weight differently? will i turn *actually* “fat”? i know i shouldnt care. i know literally no one cares how i look but im still scared. i feel so much weaker than before. i lost so much muscle. i used to be able to cary my friend who was like, a lot more heavier than me but now i cant even carry my 4’8 friend.

I'm so sorry, this amount of anxiety about your weight is not uncommon but it isn't healthy or normal and if you can, you should try to get help. You're incredibly young. Please try to get some help so you can get some professional reassurance and guidance in handling this. You're not alone!

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

So me and my friend, we fight, like a lot. Its usually about stupid stuff, like disliking what she likes, or her being too lazy to answer a question that means a lot to me. The fights are getting more frequent, and I don't like it when we have them. She almost never apologizes, and sometimes ignore that the fights even happened. When we aren't fighting though, shes a great person and is great to be around. What do I do? We've been friends for almost 4 years, and I don't want to give her up

Both people need to feel respected for close friendships to work. 

It’s alright to fight. To an extent, though, you should be aware of the things that cause fights, I.E. the topics that upset your friend. You disliking something that they like should never be a topic that causes a fight, unless they like something that’s harmful to them or others and you’re concerned.  If the fighting is getting more frequent, it could just be that you two are spending too much time together. Friendships are wonderful, but it’s important that friends don’t spend every possible minute with each other, especially if they’re prone to disagreements.  I don’t think you need to give her up. I think you just need to look at her actions and judge how much she values your company. Pretending a fight didn’t happen can be like an olive branch at times, but if they’re bad fights then naturally they need to be discussed.  Never apologizing is something that irks me personally, but people like that sometimes try to apologize in other ways. Still, a verbal apology is a must, in my opinion, because it’s important to acknowledge when we’ve done something wrong.  I would just wait this out, if I were you. Still be friends, but be mindful of the things that cause arguments, and be prepared for the possibility that the two of you might drift apart. That’s a normal, healthy part of being a person. We grow and change, and meet new people, and it’s alright if we stop being as close to the friends we once had. 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

I'm not really sure how to describe my feelings. I'm sad, but, I know it's probably not depression. Like I know somethings not right, but mental illnes? Like I'm lonely, and I feel like I annoy people, but at the same time I have friends. I feel invalidated in my emotions, and like I have no place to be complaining because compared to others I'm really well off. Whenever I try to express this to someone, they always either play the 'I suffer more' card or just say 'wow. That sucks.' idk

It might be that your friends aren’t fulfilling the needs you have? That’s just a guess. If every time you try to talk about this to people, they’re either invalidating your feelings and making it about their own situation, or not really offering any meaningful understanding, it might be that the loneliness and sadness stems from the fact that your friendships are not fulfilling your need for understanding and emotional intimacy. It’s important to have people we can confide in, who we feel will make an attempt to know how we feel.  Important to note too, you don’t have to justify your right to experience an emotion. It doesn’t matter how well off you are, if you’re feeling this way, then there’s a reason. It’s possible it might be depression, but I’d encourage you to do more research too.  Focus on exploring these feelings to try to find what’s causing them, or if there are things in your life that set these feelings off. Look for patterns for when you’re feeling this way. If it’s a constant then it’s possible it might be depression, but again, I’d do some research. You might also try communicating your needs to a friend you can trust. “Wow, that sucks” and “I suffer more” obviously aren’t meeting your needs, so think about what someone might ideally say to you were you to open up. What do you need from your friends?  I hope things get better. As always, this is an informal advice blog, but mostly it’s just here to help people feel like they’re being listened to. I’m sorry you’re going through this, and that your feelings are being brushed off or invalidated by your peers. Please don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way, even if what’s causing the feeling isn’t immediately apparent. I hope someone in your life starts listening to you soon. 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

I’m still friends with my ex, too. We dated for 2 1/2 years and have only been broken up for six months. He told me about this through a text. It’s also not just about me. They’ve put all of our mutual friends in a difficult situation where they feel like they need to choose sides. I would probably be less upset about it if f they had at least given me some kind of warning. It does explain a lot as I’ve been feeling ignored by my friend and my ex has been super unfair and mean to me lately.

Wow, that definitely changes things then! I’m sorry to hear that! 

If your ex is doing this then I’d say yes, you’re probably going to be better off without this person in your life. Pulling other friends into this and forcing them to pick sides is a scummy thing to do. It still might help to have a conversation with them, but first I’d try to connect to some of your mutual friends and find some support where you can. I’m really sorry you have to go through this! Hopefully things can be resolved, but you’re right, you should prioritize your well being. 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

Hey. So I found out yesterday morning that my ex has been dating a mutual friend for about a month. I’ve known this friend for 8 years and I still have feelings for my ex. I don’t want to stop talking to either of them but this is such a shitty thing for them to do that I don’t know if it’s worth it or even healthy for me to stay friends with them. They’re both two out of three people that I would talk to about something like this and it’s honestly such an unexpected thing from my friend. Help?

I don’t want to invalidate your feelings, or say that it’s completely okay for your friend to be dating your ex, but at the same time, you don’t really get a say in what your friend or your ex-partner choose to do. I understand it might feel like a betrayal that your friend is dating someone you were very close to, someone you still have feelings for, and I don’t doubt that it hurt a lot to learn about this from someone else, rather than from them. You need to remember though, just because they’re friends with you doesn’t mean they have to adjust their romantic lives around you or your desires. Of course it’s okay to feel hurt by this, and it’s understandable that this has upset you, but it’s really important to acknowledge that they didn’t make these choices to target you. I don’t think it was shitty of them to start dating, but I do think they should have been more upfront with you about it. It’s VERY likely they weren’t, however, because they were worried about hurting you and they weren’t certain how serious their relationship was going to be. Most people don’t just sit down and decide to date, normally it phases into that kind of relationship naturally, and before they know it it’s been a month. It’s 100% your choice what you would like to do. If you think it’s going to be bad for your mental health to have to support a relationship between a close friend and an ex you have feelings for (which is completely understandable) then I think it might be good to try and make other friends, and hang back from them a bit. I don’t think you should cut them out entirely if they’re important to you, but it sounds like it will take some time for you to work through these hurt feelings. First and foremost though, I think you should try to have a calm conversation with them. It’s just going to hurt all of you worse if you decide what their motives were for them, and then cut them out of your life. Ask them why they decided not to tell you, and try to keep an open mind. Also, communicate to them why exactly it hurt you. It’s important that friends want each other to be happy, and that takes some selflessness and honesty. I think all three of you need to keep that in mind when you’re talking. Lastly, try to establish some rules for the conversation. When it’s a sensitive subject like this, it’s really easy for things to spiral out of control, but it’s not helpful for anyone if the ‘discussion’ turns into 3 people trading accusations, excuses, and defenses. Everyone needs to listen to one another and the goal should be “Understand where this person is coming from and discuss what’s best for everyone.” All of you need to be careful not to guilt trip or accuse someone else of something. And they both need to be careful about “teaming up” against you. They need to let you talk and explain your feelings, and likewise you need to listen to them and try to put your hurt feelings aside for this conversation. Make sure you all take turns speaking, meaning you let the other person say everything they need to, ask them to confirm if they’re done, and then respond uninterrupted. If that’s going to be an issue, at the very beginning of the conversation just tell them that’s how you want it to go. I.E. “Hey, I want to talk to you guys, but I think it’s important that we try to establish some rules first so this conversation doesn’t get heated. Let’s not interrupt one another, let’s take turn talking, and let’s politely warn one another if it looks like we’re getting too accusatory or accidentally guilt tripping. I just want to understand why ___ happened and explain why I feel like ____.”I hope everything works out for you! 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

Hey. So im living in a rough household. my dad has anger issues and he's manipulative, he's always been this way. I get angry or annoyed easily and sometimes i want to throw objects down or yell like he used to. i feel like im becoming him, so my worst nightmare is coming true. I'm 17 and living at home, and my mom doesnt want me to get a therapist. I have a year until i can move out but im afraid its too late for me to completely recover from this. (Btw I am safe)

TW: Abuse

It is absolutely not too late to recover. 

“Why Does He Do That?” By Lundy Bancroft

Lundy Bancroft is an expert on the behavior of abusive men, and he makes note in his book that the abuser always makes the conscious decision to “lose control.” What’s important there is we have the option not to make that choice.

While your dad’s behavior might not be an extreme example, it’s likely he is/has been abusive. You absolutely do not have to turn into that. You might want to yell and throw objects, but that might be because you haven’t had an opportunity to learn how to cope healthily with anger or feelings of unfairness or helplessness. You might want to throw things and yell because that’s what you’ve seen gets people to listen, but you know from the impact it’s had on you and your family that it’s wrong to do that. it’s your choice and you can always choose not to.  When you’re angry, it’s important to understand in the moment why you’re angry and where the anger is directed. The first step is learning how to deescalate a situation. This doesn’t mean you have to roll over every time you feel wronged, it just means you need to recognize when you’re being pushed too close to your edge so you can calm down and think. Sometimes that means removing yourself from the situation entirely, sometimes that means having to stop and physically take slow breaths. When you live with people, it’s important too to have an understanding of where they’re coming from, and why they’re doing the thing or behaving the way that makes you angry. You don’t have to agree with them or forgive them, it’s just important that you understand why they’re doing what they’re doing to clear up any potential miscommunications or deal with the problem. It also helps you to calm down the other party, because people will generally listen to you if they feel that you understand their side. This doesn’t apply to people purposefully being antagonistic, however. You can’t make compromises with someone who just wants to hurt you emotionally, in those situations you just need to leave or shut them out if you can. It might also happen that you realize in some situations, you don’t have a good reason to be angry with a person. It’s easy for stress and anxiety to build up over time and make you irritable, and when that happens it can feel like people are purposefully trying to make your life more difficult. Taking a moment when you’re getting angry to asses the other side will help you determine if your anger is justified or not. Even if it is justified (i.e. someone trying on purpose to aggravate or manipulate you), don’t take the bait. It can be really frustrating and unfair when you’re the only one not lashing out, but we’re better people for not giving into the temptation. See what they do and make the conscious choice not to do those things. The fact that you’re looking to get help and reaching out in the first place is already a great assurance that you won’t end up like your dad, and I hope you can find some pride in yourself for recognizing that it might be an issue and actively trying to take steps to help yourself, despite your mother. You don’t have to be that way if you don’t want to be that way, and you’re smart enough and determined enough to combat that behavior. You’ll be okay. 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

Hey. So life has gotten really awful lately. I'm living in a toxic, homophobic, household while dealing with severe physical and mental health issues. I've tried to go to a friends house to take a break from it, but she doesn't seem to want anything to do with me. Even after I turn 18 and move out I'm afraid I'm never going to get away from my family, homophobia, and the abuse I've dealt with. I feel trapped, I feel like I won't ever able to be happy.

I’m sorry you’ve had to go through this, but I promise this won’t always be your life. You’ll get away from this.If you can stay at your friends house, stay at her house, and maybe talk to her after about the situation. Of course, it’s important not to treat your friend’s like your therapist, but I’d hope she’d at least be sympathetic and willing to help you out if she can. https://www.7cups.com/It can take a while, but this website lets you connect with and talk to people who can offer support and advice from their own life experiences. I’m sorry I couldn’t be more help, I’m unfamiliar with the resources available to you. I know telling you now that it will get better can be hard to believe, but you have a lot of time left on this planet and the people in your life now won’t define you forever. It’s going to be hard, but I know you can get past this. You can heal and you will be happy.  

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

me & my sis r REALLY close (twins) but lately have been arguing nearly every day. we're both p emotionally mature people who have a LOT of practice on how to argue w each other w out getting overly hurt, but for whatever reason she now takes everything i say or do as a chance to criticize me. she hasn't done this before, & I can't see any larger issue that couldve triggered it. I don't know what to do. I want to help her bc u would think smth is wrong, but I don't know how to w out hurting me  

You need to take care of yourself first and foremost. 

There’s nothing that can justify that kind of constant criticism. I would suggest telling her calmly that you’ve noticed she’s been very critical of you, and you’d like to have an open conversation about why. If she denies it, tell her that regardless, her words and actions have made you feel this way and you’d like her to stop. If she continues, then you need to distance yourself a bit. Of course you can still support her and be there for her, but you are NOT obligated to be someone else’s whipping boy. No matter who the person is or how close you are, that kind of behavior shouldn’t be excused. Sometimes too, we aren’t in positions to help people who begin treating us this way. If you have a good relationship with your parents or mutual friends, you might try talking to them about this too to get their take on it. It would be good to inform them of this so they can step in if your sister is being overly critical about you around them too. 

I hope things get better for you. Please remember to take care of yourself, and try to find someone you can confide in, who will be kind to you. Having someone you’re so close to constantly judge and criticize you can really destroy self confidence and self worth, even if we don’t realize it. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

Help. The list for with honors in our class (graduating) just came in, I wasn't in it. But my bestfriend was, he's smart but lazy. I'm average intel. but I like to think I work hard from time to time if not regularly. I'm trying to be happy for him but honestly I'm so sad and overwhelmed right now my hands are shaking as I type this...dude, this is the first time I truly realized that I'm really NOT as smart as people say I am and I'm just so upset because. Please help this feeling sucks.

Hey man, I’m really sorry to hear you didn’t make that list. But I promise you, what you’re feeling is normal and you’re not a bad friend for feeling it, and you are NOT less intelligent just because someone didn’t put you on a list.

It’s okay to feel sad and upset because you didn’t get something you were really working for man. It’s really good of you to keep trying to support your friend, but you hopefully should be able to express to him that you’re really bummed out over not getting it.

Just be careful not to let those hurt feelings encourage you to say anything about him you’ll regret later. You don’t want to accuse your friend of being undeserving I’m sure, but he should be able to listen to you vent, and if he can’t, maybe a family member or another friend can?

Also something REALLY important, your grades do NOT reflect your intelligence super accurately. There’s a myriad of different variables that change between every school and every subject and every teacher/student, so really people who do well in their classes are somewhat lucky because either they can learn in a variety of ways or the teachers are good and enable them to succeed through effort and initiative. You are not less smart than anyone else because you didn’t make a list. ‘Intelligence’ can’t be measured by tests or grades. You are still a smart person, and it sounds like people recognize this, so don’t feel like you’re not just because they decided to rank people depending on how well they can jump through academic hoops. 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

My best friend/person I'm in love with almost died yesterday. She was hit head-on by a drunk driver, and somehow emerged relatively okay. I don't know what kind of advice I want or anything, but this whole ordeal has emotionally hit both of us really hard and it's just made me realize how easy it is to lose people you love. Could I just get some words of comfort or encouragement, please?

Of course! I’m so sorry to hear that happened to her, and thank goodness she’s alright!! What a wonderful miracle that she walked away okay! Keep being strong! I know things might feel a little unreal and it’s really easy to get lost down an endless road of “what if’s” but the important thing is she’s alright. It might be a good idea to make plans with her to just relax and decompress and maybe process what happened. But again, thank goodness she’s okay! You hang in there too, try not to stress yourself out too much! 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

irs only april and this year feels impossible. i've lost the only close friends i had left over the weekend. it's left me greenling so empty yet so full is sadness and so unwanted and alone. i don't know what to do.

When friends leave you, it’s important to examine the reasons why. Sometimes you’ll realize they weren’t a great friend to begin with, and sometimes you’ll realize you haven’t been either and that might help spur you to take steps towards becoming better. I’m really sorry to hear you’re feeling so neglected and isolated! And I’m sorry too if my advice isn’t right for you or doesn’t help, but I’m listening at least and I’m hoping things will look up.I lost all my friends from highschool all at once, and I spent a lot of time afterwards trying to learn to be okay just by myself. I don’t think that’s the worst thing to do in that situation, but humans are still social and we still need other people. If you can, try to get yourself out of the house or distracted. If you have a hobby that’ll keep your mind and your hands busy then pour yourself into it, get out and try to do something social every few weeks. If you’re in school, try to smile and talk a bit to people you think might be receptive to a friendship. Try to get into a fandom and make friends there! Or, if you’re into it, try role playing. It’s a really easy way to interact with people without needing to expend a lot of emotional energy, and you’ll always have something to talk about with that person since your characters will generate interest. If you’re going to do that though, make sure you get excited about the other person’s character because that’s a good way to make connections with people. If there’s anything else I can do for you, or a direction I can point you in for the fandom thing, please let me know! I hope things start getting better, and my ears are always open!

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

I don't know what to do. My best friend had moved in with me in my moms house, and she started to see some of the same traits that she has. In the case of depression and whatnot. But she has noticed that my mom constantly puts me down and yells at me. And my mom blames it on my fiend changing who I am, when I'm no different than how I have been for years. My friend told me it's emotional abuse, and I want out of here. But she's guilt tripping me and I don't know what to do. Any advice?

If you’re able to move out and it’s safe for you, then I suggest that you absolutely do. The guilt tripping and blaming your friend for your behavior sounds like common isolation tactics, so please try not to let it change your mind about leaving. It takes an incredible amount of bravery and willpower to see the situation you’re in and take steps to change it, so you should definitely be proud of yourself. http://startingout.icsa.name/startingout/childteen/teen

If you and your friend are able to/old enough to work or aren’t working already, I suggest you guys start looking for some jobs so you can have some financial independence. Waiting jobs can end up bringing in a lot of money with the added benefit of getting said money immediately, and if you work at restaurant chains there’s a possibility that you could transfer from location to location, allowing you to move further away while keeping your job. If you need to set up your own bank account, I hear Walmart has a very simple banking service but that definitely needs to be looked into. I hope this helps! 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

Hi! I seem to be stuck in a lull that I can't get out of. There's so much I want to do in life and should be working hard towards it, and taking every chance I get, but I just can't get excited or energized to do anything. I'm so bored but can't focus or get into anything, even things that I'm normally passionate about. The fire in me has gone out. How can I get it back?

I think blocks like these really just take time to work through. It’s really hard to get yourself up and get motivated, especially when it feels so good to just not do anything, but a good way to get productive is to cut out the things you normally waste time with.

If you spend a lot of time watching tv or playing on the computer (aka tumblr,  netflix, etc.), try taking a break for a few weeks and instead devoting that time to working on or exploring the things you’d like to do. Try to get an idea of what your short term goals are (without pushing yourself too hard), and research what you can do to begin accomplishing those goals.

You don’t have to jump right into writing them down, just start with refusing to let yourself waste time doing things that aren’t bettering you. You’ll get bored pretty fast, and with the new free time you can start doing the things you want to be doing to improve yourself! Give it a shot! And good luck! 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

Whenever I get upset I usually end up hitting myself (I used to cut but have not in a while) sometimes I scratch but not often, it usually doesn't do much harm, but I just got upset and instead of hitting my arm accidentally hit the wall really hard and my knuckle and finger feels really weird now. What would be an alternative to this? Something quick because it happens quickly and out of the blue, it's just a really strong urge. Any advice?

Where do you most often do this and what are you usually feeling?

Just from some quick searches, I’ve found some alternatives to self harm, but I don’t know what exactly would be best for you. Keep in mind, I’m absolutely no expert on any of this, I’m just a friendly ear, but I want to help.

If you’re at home mostly when this is happening, try to grab a pillow and punch it against the wall instead of using your bare fist next time, if that’s possible! That’s the fastest thing I’ve found, but other places suggest carrying things you can break or crush easily (That won’t hurt you when they’re broken!) like a cascarone or a plastic bottle. You can also squeeze ice if you can get to it fast enough, or scribble hard into a notebook. You might also want to try carrying around a rubber band and snapping yourself with it instead of hitting yourself, just to see if that works for you.

These are just a few things I’ve found, too, I’m sure there’s a lot of alternative methods that might work better for you! I’m sorry you’re having these urges, and I hope your hand is alright! 

http://www.scar-tissue.net/distraction.html

This website seems useful, so you might want to check it out, if only for the tips. If you haven’t already, it might be a good idea to tell someone close to you about how you’ve been feeling, because they might have more helpful suggestions than I can provide. If you ever need a place to vent, the ask box should always be open! I hear you, and I hope things get better. 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

Is this blog still active?

It is! It’s attatched to my primary blog so I should see all the asks that are sent to it. If I haven’t responded to one, it’s because it’s been lost somewhere in the inbox. If that’s happened to you, I apologize! 

[anonymousemotionaladvice]

I'm just terribly unattractive. I never get compliments on my appearance. Ever. Generally speaking I'm confident, friendly, and easy to get along with, but no one is ever interested in me in a sexual/romantic way. I've been single since 2010.

Oh jeez, I don’t know how much I can help with that dude, I’m no Casanova myself. Do you ever approach people in a sexual/romantic context? And what are you looking for in a person? It’s good to go for the people who are as physically attractive as you think you are, but try not to feel too discouraged! Relationships aren’t automatically the best and most fulfilling thing to ever happen to you, so don’t worry about being single. Though odds are you’ll probably find somebody that will appreciate you for you, as long as you appreciate them for them. Sort of hokey, naive sounding advice, but just be careful and don’t get into a bad relationship just because you’re worried it’s the only one you’ll ever have! That’s not true, and it’s not worth sacrificing your mental, emotional, or physical well being. Good luck buddy!