anxiousden-blog

[anxiousden-blog]

She felt a knot grow in her chest. She shouldn’t have brought it up. Pity grew in her eyes; but quickly faded at the sound of chocolate croissants. “I am so ready.” Hayden laughed, knowing she enjoyed them a little too much. “You figure out what you’re going to have yet?” Changing the subject would have made her feel better .. right?

Iris furrowed her eyebrows, flashing Hayden a confused look before soft laughter emitted from her lips. “Oh, no! He’s not -” she pressed her lips together in thought, “Actually, he’s basically a sperm donor. He and my mom did the thing and when she told him she was having me, he bounced.” she was trying too hard to sound casual. Talking about her family was never her strong suit. “But he’s really not. I’ve met him, unfortunately.” she rolled her eyes, her voice growing bitter by the second. But she lightened up once she realized Hayden was not her father. She took one more turn at a corner, turning back to face Hayden. “I’m sorry about that, but we’re here. Chocolate croissants all around.” she gave the blonde a weak smile, shoving her hands into her pockets.

#( ; iris. ) #// ALL I SAW WAS FREE FOOD YO #// sounds shitty tho??

[anxiousden-blog]

Hayden’s eyes widened. Sperm donor. “Oh, I -- uh..” She choked up on her words. “I didn’t know.” She left as if it was something to be secretive of. If her father was a sperm donor, she wouldn’t tell anyone in fear of getting teased about it. “Have you ever .. met him?” Hayden felt like she was going to regret asking that.

Juliet. That’s when it clicked. She’d noticed her sister around school almost every day, plus she was friends with Atty. But Iris never really tried to reach out to Julie until recently, when her curiosity bested her. She couldn’t believe she didn’t see the resemblance before. “Oh shit, Julie’s your sister?” she asked incredulously, her eyes widening. “Man, oh man.” she muttered, biting her lower lip. “I don’t have any siblings.. that I know of. My sperm donor likes to sleep around.”

#( ; iris. ) #// omg??? whatchya doin at a dining hall???

[anxiousden-blog]

As soon as she saw Blue, she broke out into tears. Hayden buried her face in his chest .. this was her safe haven. “I’m scared.” She whimpered, her voice sounded muffled against his shirt. “I don’t want there to be a maniac on the loose.” It would have sounded like jibberish to anyone else but Blue. She knew that he understood her -- sometimes more than she knew herself.

Blue tip-toed behind Hayden, scooping her hand in his. “Hey good-lookin’– whoa, hey..” He stepped in front of her, seeing the panic in her eyes. Blue placed both of his hands in hers. “You’re okay.” He knew that reassuring her was the best thing to do; Seeing as this wasn’t his first rodeo. “I’m right here with you, Hayden.”

#( ; blue. ) #// SAME MIA #// LIKE TUOERYG FINALLY

[anxiousden-blog]

Chocolate croissants were her all-time favourite food ever. She could live on them .. unfortunately for her, she couldn’t. The more she talked to Iris, the more she wanted to know her better. “Well, I have my sister, Juliet, and my parents.” Hayden forced a smile. Just the mention of her mother was enough to spark up her nerves. “You don’t have any siblings?” -- Duh, or she would have mentioned them. 

Iris might have been persistent but she knew when to take a hint. Sometimes. Given the state she found Hayden in a couple of minutes ago, she decided not to pry. A small grin appeared on her face at the mention of food, “I love chocolate croissants.” she mused, her smile only growing as she thought about how badly she could go for the pastry. The brunette took leisurely strides, making sure she wasn’t moving too fast for Hayden, who obviously didn’t know where they were going. “It’s just me and my mom.” she shrugged, not even bothering to mention her father. “How about you?” Hayden looked oddly familiar, but for some reason, Iris couldn’t quite put her finger on it. 

#( ; iris. ) #// now I really want food

[anxiousden-blog]

Now that Hayden had calmed down, it was easier for her to talk about what had caused the anxiety attack. “It’s just..” She swallowed the lump in her throat. “Those murders I’ve been hearing about.” She kicked the rocks under her boots. “Hearing about them isn’t exactly soothing to my anxiety disorder.” Hayden let out a small, obviously-forced chuckle. “It’s -- uh -- nice to meet you, Mason.”

His brows furrowed as she spoke, not really knowing how to respond to that, though she hadn’t seemed very happy to see whoever she thought he’d been at first. “Oh right.” He spoke, nodding slowly for a brief moment as he tried to make sense of what had just happened. He shook his head as she thanked him, though he didn’t see why she would. He’d just wanted to make sure if she was fine or not. “It’s all right, really.” He said, giving her a small smile.

“I’m Mason.” He told her, and he hoped that the confusion he was feeling wasn’t too obvious, though he still couldn’t entirely figure out what had happened. “Are you okay? I mean you didn’t exactly seem okay like- I don’t know.” He said, trying to make the way he was phrasing things normal, but he was sure she would get the point. “It just seemed as if you’d seen a ghost, really.”

#( ; mason. )

[anxiousden-blog]

Her face softened -- she didn’t get out much. “I try to,” She explained. “But due to some .. circumstances .. it’s hard to.” Hayden left it at that, quickly changing the subject. “Belmont Cafe.” The blonde repeated. “I’m excited to get a chocolate croissant and some fruit punch.” 

Hayden let Iris show her the way; seeing as she didn’t know where it was. “So, Iris,” She said quietly. “Do you have any family in town?”

Pressing her lips together in thought, Iris scrunched up her nose as she racked her brain for any cafes nearby. “How about Belmont Cafe?” she offered, looking down at Hayden. “Support your local cafes.” she commented, chuckling softly. Her eyebrows furrowed, her head tilting slightly to the right. “Don’t get out much, huh,” she teased, slowly starting to walk in the direction of the cafe. “Not that there’s anything wrong with that!” she added quickly, not wanting to offend the blonde. “I don’t get out much either.” 

#( ; iris. )

[anxiousden-blog]

She, too, was glad she wasn’t alone. I guess staying was the humane thing to do. Still, Hayden wanted to thank her. “I’ll let you pick where.” She told Iris -- she hadn’t been to many cafe’s in Belmont. Hayden often ate at her house, seeing as her mother would ... not be happy with her if she didn’t. “I’m not too familiar with the local cafe’s around town.”

Iris was pleasantly surprised when she was invited out, her eyes widening in mild shock before a smile graced her lips. “I’d like that, yeah.” she replied, nodding her head as she took out her phone to wrap her earphones around it. Sure, she was kind of sweaty and she felt like her legs could give out due to her attempt at exercise, but it couldn’t hurt to grab a light snack. “Don’t feel the need to treat me though,” she mentioned, shrugging her shoulders. “I’m just glad you weren’t alone for, uh, yeah.” Her eyes were cast downward until she finally glanced at Hayden, flashing the blonde a soft grin. 

#( ; iris. )

[anxiousden-blog]

      I’ve spent my whole life      D I G G I N G myself

                into this ( H O L E )                 and I don’t know how to

                          [ S T O P ]

#( THIS is who I am ; musings. )

[anxiousden-blog]

Hayden couldn’t help but smile when she offered to walk her. “I was actually going to invite you to come with me,” She explained. “Figured I should treat you to some food or a drink.” Staying alongside Hayden when she was having a meltdown could be tough .. that much she knew. The blonde was grateful for Iris. Even if the two had just met. “If you want, of course.” Hayden added quickly.

Iris felt like she could breathe easier now, seeing that Hayden had visibly calmed down. Enough to flash her a smirk, which caused the corners of her mouth to lift up in a quick smile. She wished she could say the sudden silence between the two was comfortable, but it was anything but. Iris searched for anything to say at that point, but the blonde beat her to it. “Oh, yeah, let me just,” she muttered, reaching into her pocket and pulling out her phone. She pressed the home button, the bright light causing her to squint. “It’s almost 8,” she stated, looking around to see how dark it had gotten already. “Are they still open? I could walk you.. if you’d like?” she offered awkwardly, stumbling over her words.

#( ; iris. )

[anxiousden-blog]

BOLD all that applies to your muse!

Eyes: Blue | Green | Brown | Hazel | Grey | Other Hair: Blonde | Brown | Black | Red | Ginger | Grey/White | Multi-color | Other Body Type: Skinny | Slender | Slim | Built | Curvy | Athletic | Muscular Skin: Pale | Light | Fair | Freckled | Tan | Olive | Medium | Dark | Discolored  Gender: Male | Female | Trans | Cis | No Gender | Other Sexuality: Heterosexual | Homosexual | Bisexual | Pansexual | Asexual | Demisexual | Other Species: Human | Undead/Vampire | Shapeshifter (Weres) | Demon | Angel | Witch/Wizard/Sorcerer | Incubus/Succubus | Other Education: High School | College | University | Higher Education  Living Situation: Lives alone | Lives with parents/guardian | Lives with significant other | Lives with a friend | Drifter | Homeless Parents/Guardian: Mom | Dad | Adoptive | Foster | Grandparents | Family friend Relationship: Single | Crushing | Dating | Engaged | Married | Separated | It’s complicated I’ve been: In Love | Hurt | Sick | Abused I have a(n): Learning Disorder | Personality Disorder | Mental Disorder | Anxiety Disorder | Eating Disorder | Substance-related Disorder Things I’ve done before: Drank alcohol | Smoked | Done drugs | Stolen | Self harmed | Starved myself | Had sex | Had a threesome | Gotten into a fist fight | Gone to the hospital | Gone to jail | Used a fake ID | Gone to a rave | Killed someone Positive Traits: Affectionate | Adventurous | Athletic | Brave | Careful | Charming | Confident | Creative | Determined | Fearless | Generous | Honest | Humorous | Intelligent | Loyal | Modest | Patient | Selfless Negative Traits: Aggressive | Bossy | Cynical | Envious | Fearful | Greedy | Gullible | Jealous | Impatient | Impulsive | Insecure | Irresponsible | Possessive | Sarcastic | Self-conscious | Selfish | Unstable

#( THIS is who I am ; musings. )

[anxiousden-blog]

“Iris ..” Hayden repeated in a quiet voice. “I think I’ve met her.” She recalled dark eyes and really nice hair. She smiled at the blonde when she said Hayden could hang out with them. For once, she felt included. “Maybe the three of us can grab some lunch sometime?”

the two are polar opposites, almost. but it’s nice to see how well they get along. almost makes her wanna get along with her brother!! –almost. “you kind of remind me of my friend iris. mostly in the total innocent angel way. you’d probably fit in with her. and since i fit in with her, you’d fit in with me. so you’re welcome to hang out with us whenever. id say you’re welcome to hang out with the cheer squad, but even i dont hang out with those losers.” atty doesnt necessarily not belong anywhere. mostly because she pushes her way through to everyone, but she doesn’t have a real squad. yet, at least.

#( ; atty. ) #// i feel you omg #// patience is not my thing whatsoever omfg

[anxiousden-blog]

✗T A S K ; INTERVIEW

Q. How did you know Charles and Victoria Lennox?

“Heard about them on the news. They haven’t left my mind since.”

Q. Do you have an alibi for the time of the murders? If so, who could confirm it, if asked?

“I was out to dinner with my father. So, he can confirm it.”

Q. Do you know anyone in town that you would consider suspicious? If so, who? Why?

“Everyone. You can never be too careful. Especially when it’s so easy to be a wolf in a sheep mask.”

Q. Would you give consent to a warrantless search of your home, if needed?

“Don’t be surprised when you don’t find anything.”

Q. Is there anything we need to know about you as we proceed with this investigation?

“Nope. Can I please go home now?”

#( OKAY.. I did it ; task. ) #maskedtask

[anxiousden-blog]

It was times like this Hayden wished she didn’t have an anxiety disorder. She knew having panic attacks could make people feel extremely uncomfortable. After the introductory, Hayden had finally calmed down completely. “It’s nice to meet you too, Iris.”  She said, shooting the girl a smirk. Hayden kicked the rocks under her shoes -- now what? Following a short pause, Hayden spoke up. “Hey, uh, do you have the time? I want to grab some coffee but I’m not sure if they’re closed already.”

Her dark eyes widened as the other began to cry, not exactly sure what to do. Her hands went up to maybe try and soothe her, so used to either hugging someone or rubbing their back, but she let her arms fall to her side, not wanting to make things worse. Once she mentioned the murders, Iris could piece together what was happening. The erratic breathing, crying, lack of focus. Iris hadn’t personally experienced an anxiety attack, but she felt like she’s had. “Hey, no. It’s okay. You’re okay.” she took a step closer towards her, her voice soft and low. Iris herself was breathing quite heavily but once the blonde calmed down, she did as well. She didn’t speak until she was sure the other girl was okay, and even then, she could never truly be sure. When she introduced herself, Iris took that as a good sign. “Don’t apologize.” she shook her head, a polite smile on her lips. “It’s been kind of rough these past few days.” she commented, stuffing her hands into her pockets. There was a pregnant pause, Iris just staring down at her shoes before she realized she forgot to introduce herself. “Oh, shit. I’m sorry, that’s so rude of me. I’m Iris.” she gestured to herself before pointing at the blonde. “You’re Hayden. I’m sorry, nice to meet you.” she let out a nervous chuckle, the circumstances under which these two met weren’t the most ideal, but she did like meeting new people. 

#( ; iris. )

[anxiousden-blog]

Hayden sat next to her sister, resting her head upon Juliet’s shoulder. She didn’t get changed in front of everyone else, she thought. She went into the washroom and got changed there. Hayden would suggest for her sister to do that as well but she felt as though Juliet still would deny. “Me too.” There was a sinking feeling in her chest. Things shouldn’t be like this. A tear rolled down her cheek as she interlocked her fingers with Julie’s. “As long as we have each other, we’re unbreakable.”

Once arriving in the bathroom, Julie propped herself up on the counter in which all of the sinks were placed. She let out a sigh, before placing her hands in her lap and looking down at them. “How do you do it? Play gym and get changed for all the girls to see you?” The blonde asked the other, referring to the fact they both had an immense amount of black and blues, even cuts, scattered along their porcelain skin. “I just wish.. things weren’t like this.” No one would would ever see Julie in this state, besides Hayden. She was supposed to be this badass, heartless bitch, that everyone knew around school – But in reality it was just a facade. She was OPAQUE. 

#( ; juliet. )

[anxiousden-blog]

The blonde lifted her hands to her head. She began to sob at the sight of the other. “I’m sorry.” Hayden muttered. She repeated those words. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry --” Hayden was not herself when she was anxious. It was like a beast had escaped from her and overpowered every ounce of Hayden’s being until there was nothing left .. Or so that’s how it felt to the girl. “The murders,” She began to say, her voice choppy. “I’m scared.”

She didn’t recognize the brown eyes in front of her. They were beautiful. Slowly, her breathing became normal again. Her pupils were no longer the size of toonies. It was nice having someone with her when she was like this. Someone to distract her -- with their beauty. “I’m Hayden.” She introduced herself, giving the other a friendly smile. “I’m sorry about that.”

Iris wasn’t the fittest person around the block, but every once in a while she’d force herself to at least take a walk around town. She bumped that up to a jog today, given that there was a murderer loose and she liked to walk until it was dark. The dark haired girl had just been retracing her steps, walking back towards her house when she saw a familiar blonde pacing across the street. The more she paced, the more anxious she got.

When it was finally her turn to cross, she looked both ways before jogging over, taking her earphones out. “Whoa, are you okay?” she asked quickly, slightly out of breath from jogging and her heart beating faster just from looking at the girl. The blonde was frozen all of a sudden and Iris felt her heart stop, a bit scared to follow her line of sight. “Hey?” she muttered, more of a question than a greeting, waving her hand slowly in front of her. 

#( ; iris. ) #// don't worry about it pumpkin !! #tw: anxiety

[anxiousden-blog]

With tears welling in her eyes, the blonde nodded. “I thought ..” Her voice remained small, sounding as if she wanted to disappear into the ground. “I thought you were someone else.” She shook her head, glancing at the ground; now feeling stupid. These recent events had really messed with her train of thought. Hayden began rubbing her forearm, still avoiding eye contact. “Thank you.” She said, giving him a gentle smile. She was still somewhat in shock but her voice was back to the normal volume.

He had stopped to see if she was okay. And didn’t just walk away. She believed that that was worthy enough for a ‘thank you’. The man had looked confused with her. Like she wasn’t mentally stable. Which she was ... for the most part. “I’m Hayden.”

Mason was just crossing the street, his hand popping a chip into his mouth as he walked. The day had been rather long, seeing as he was forced to do the same thing over and over again lately. Spending the day having to observe some hormonal teenagers, wasn’t exactly fun, and more so considering that most of them were quite annoying, ready to fight anyone for any stupid thing which occurred. He could compare them to a zoo in a way, but he was only generalizing after all. Mason reached into his bag of chips, stopping in his tracks as he noticed that he’d somehow managed to eat the entire thing without even realizing. He was about to move to throw the small bag away, but soon enough his actions were cut off as he noticed a girl not too far away from him on the side walk.

His steps were slow as he made his way towards her, and once he’d caught up he found himself tapping on her shoulder. “Hey y’all right?” He asked, brows knitted together as he moved to stand in front of her, and the confusion only grew even more. She looked lost, as if something was completely off in that moment and he didn’t know why. “Hey.. Is something wrong?” He wasn’t used to dealing with those kind of situations, but he knew he couldn’t just let a teenager walk around alone. If something happened to her, it’d be his fault.

#( ; mason. )

[anxiousden-blog]

Hayden began to scratch the back of her hand before noticing and quickly shoving her hands down her pant pockets. “Yeah. I am.” There was a hint of a smile on her face. Juliet was truly her rock and she loved having her as a sister; Hayden wouldn’t trade her for the world. “I.. I don’t know,” the girl said truthfully with a shrug. “I, uh, don’t really fit in with anyone.” -- She knew very well that they were assholes. Hayden couldn’t tell you why she let them push her around but she did; and she was beginning to get sick of it.

atty, small but intimidating, glares at the girl. until she picks out flecks of familiarity. “– hey. you’re julie’s sister, aren’t you?” this is one of those times it’s good that atty can be somewhat easily distracted! it’s still in the back of her mind, but for now, the subject is different. until she glances behind hayden to a group watching; most likely, the people who dared her to do this. she flips them off, then returns her attention to the dark blonde. “why do you hang out with those douchenoses, anyways?”

#( ; atty. ) #// omg i hate when tumblr does that #// I think it's loading the gif????? #sometimes it takes fking forever tho omg