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apricotfucker · 4 years
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Getting Ignored on Grindr:
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apricotfucker · 4 years
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apricotfucker · 4 years
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apricotfucker · 4 years
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There’s one (1) think in Disney’s Mulan that irks me.  The jaw line.  Mulan’s jaw line is drawn differently when she’s acting as Ping. No kidding: this is her “regular, Fa Mulan” face. In this version her jaw is even highlighted by the makeup. Look how round is it.
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and this is her Ping jaw. Square. Totally square.
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WHY?????  Isn’t consistency in the character base shapes like, an important thing??
Not to mention how she immediately regains her long lashes as soon as she is exposed. With her round jaw obviously.
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????? 
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apricotfucker · 4 years
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honestly imagine being mary shelley. its the fucking early 1800s. we’re barely out of the era when people thought women reading novels would lead to like debauchery and premarital sex. the weather is just fucking bonkers in yonkers. everybodys clothes looked like they oughta weigh two hundred pounds. everyones goth but goth isnt a thing yet so they dont even know it. your kids are dying. your husbands dead. your friends are all probably doing coke. your doctor is also both doing and maybe prescribing coke. no electricity. people are out there just staring into the void and having clandestine affairs in graveyards or some shit just because theres nothing else to do. and whats that? youve just written frankenstein. girl what the fuck even–
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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security question: what was the last name of your first grade teacher?
my first grade teacher hacking my bank account: i’m in
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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This is too accurate lol
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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im still laughing at this
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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when you like and reblog your own selfie
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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FIJI water girl saw her chance and took it
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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Tell them the air is halal too
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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i love all the responses on my post about how I’m uncomfortable keeping my shoes on in someone’s house bc in some cultures I guess it’s impolite to take them off etc. but someone commented “my mom gets really insulted if you take your shoes off in her house because it’s you acting comfortable and you’re not supposed to be comfortable when you’re a guest in someone else’s house” and I read that like thank god I’ll never be a guest in your mom’s house i???
“come on in but don’t you dare feel welcome. have a seat. we only have bar stools because if you can lean back you might dare to relax”
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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so this kid he used to bully me in middle school before i got tough, well this is kind of a funny story. so i sugar from time to time but my latest sugar mommys house is so extra and i didnt bring my glasses but im going through the house because she told me to make myself at home and i see a family photo and im just like he looks really familiar but i cant make out shit. and so she and i start talking and shes like yeah i have a son your age actually and im just like wait… and she was like you’ll meet him later when we go to the car show, and im just like fuckin wait.. and we get to the car show and its me and her we’re holding hands being friendly and shes like and heres my son. and i shit u not this is the same dude who used to fucking bully me in middle school and he starts fucking crying because he didnt know his mom was lesbian and i was just like hey its been a while, but im getting fucked by your mom.
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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sons crying thanks
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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My pussy is fat my heart is fatter got a tiny brain made of snickerdoodle batter
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apricotfucker · 5 years
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young man, the groomsbride is a whore i said young man, please close the goddamn door
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