arachnidserpent

[arachnidserpent]

I finally made an actual vent blog, now certain people can't be worried about me or know whats going on 👊😊

[arachnidserpent]

413? More like crying because so many of my friends I read homestuck with are fucking gone

[arachnidserpent]

Karkat shifts? More like the only small comfort when I'm severely depressed. Literally want to die tm

[arachnidserpent]

My mood changing more rapidly than gas prices, happy and lovey dovey one second to real sad the next

[arachnidserpent]

When he smiles I feel like I have seen perfection in its purest form, he's so sweet, he makes me want to hide my face and giggle and ifnejsksoqndkkrkeke I'm very gay for him

[arachnidserpent]

God, I love him so much? He's so perfect? Listening to him mumble to himself with crickets in the background? It's the most calming comforting thing. I'm not sure how someone could make me feel so loved and wanted god I just love him so much ❤❤❤❤

[arachnidserpent]

Me? Flushing for my moirail? Maybe sksksksk. I love my clown akskskskksdjjsehehaj

[arachnidserpent]

Gamzee and I were in a call, and he stepped on a horn, this boy, this boy that I am pale for from the bottom of my heart startled himself, by stepping on a horn. The only valid gamzee kin, the only one. I love him ◇◇◇

[arachnidserpent]

I SWEAR TO GOD ONE OF THESE DAYS IM WALKING OUT OF THIS HOUSE AND NEVER COMING BACK

[arachnidserpent]

Stop crhing. Stop being fucking weak. Stop. Stop. Stop being fucking weak. Fucking weak. Stop fucking cry weakling! Stop.

[arachnidserpent]

I'm an awful person. I'm horrible. If I locked myself away from everyone it would be better for them. I don't deserve to live. I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve to be cared about. I don't deserve love. I desrve pain. I deserve pain and nothing else. I deserve it.

[arachnidserpent]

My feet are going to bleed yet i can't stop pacing. Its only been 30 minutes yet I can't walk steady. Weak in thoughts and action.

[arachnidserpent]

I hate the fact that I need to feel important to people. What kind of fucking person does that make me? A whiney bitch with no sense of self outside of feeling sad when people don't give him enough attention? What the fuck is wrong with me? I fucking hate everything about myself. I'm selfish and self centered and need validation all the time and its wrong. Normal people don't fucking act like that. I'm some sort of fucking narcissist. I'm the worst type of person.

[arachnidserpent]

Keep a smile on my face, try to keep my space. Never gonna find my place. I'm going to bed feeling so alone. How can I genuinely believe anyone cares? Why would they? Never a phone call or a text to ask how I'm doing. I really am all alone out here. I want to have close friends but I'm too scared of getting close because of how many people have left. I know I should just talk to them, try and relate to them make conversation and grow closer to my friends but I'm afraid. I'll either get cast out or watch them all drift away and cut ties with me again. I'm afraid of losing what I don't even have and it hurts. All of my lifetimes all of my friends have left me. My constants have all dissapeared and I doubt that'll change with this life. Why even bother growing closer to people that won't miss you when you inevitably break and kill yourself? I'm going to sleep now. After days of smiling my pain is bubbling back up. Maybe I'll die in my sleep and not have to face tomorrow but I guess no one is that lucky.

[arachnidserpent]

My moirail is gamzee makara and the only crying he's ever caused are the happy tears of how much I fucking adore him ◇◇◇◇◇

[arachnidserpent]

Dave shift? More like everything feels wrong and awful and I hate everything and feel like I can't talk to my friends

[arachnidserpent]

The universe can literally fuck off