armyofnerds

[armyofnerds]

Holly and Kat from the most recent chapter of Barrels and Bootlegging <3

[armyofnerds]

day 4 | favourite ship

‘You shine like a beacon, attracting the attention of all dark things.’ It chuckled. ‘Why d’you think I’m chatting with you? ’

[armyofnerds]

@synestheticwanderings every conversation we ever have

[armyofnerds]

Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Anthony Lockwood & Quill Kipps Characters: Quill Kipps, Anthony Lockwood Additional Tags: POV Quill Kipps, Catholic Quill Kipps, Catholic Anthony Lockwood, Catholic Guilt, Aaron Burr coded Kipps, Alexander Hamilton coded Lockwood, Black Winter, Angst Series: Part 3 of tin soldier (kipps fic) Summary:

Quill runs into Lockwood in an unexpected place.

[armyofnerds]

Spring is the fucking greatest

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man yells at fish

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so talented

[armyofnerds]

bi harry: the awakening

[armyofnerds]

@eyesarmslove

Can you possibly do a maurauders yuri on ice crossover xD

THIS IS REALLY ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE EVER DONE! AHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHH 

[armyofnerds]

@eyesarmslove

Sailor Who

[armyofnerds]

‘boy i sure wish i was asleep,’ i whisper, clicking Next Chapter fourteen fucking times

[armyofnerds]

Sometimes people like to write things about florist’s shops.  Here are two things you need to know, the most egregiously wrong things.

1. It makes no fucking sense to sketch out a bouquet before you make it.  Every individual flower is different in a way that cannot really be adjusted the way other building materials can be adjusted, and each individual bouquet is unique.  Just put the fucking flowers together.

2. No one — in months and months of working at the flower shop — has ever cared what the flower/color of the flower means.  No one’s ever asked.  It’s just not something people tend to care about outside of fiction and it’s certainly not something most florists know.  You know what florists know?  What looks good and is thematically appropriate.

Here’s an actual list of the symbology of flowers, as professionals use it:

Yellow – for friends, hospitals Pink – girls, girlfriends, babies, bridesmaids Red – love Purple – queens White – marriage and death (DO NOT SEND TO HOSPITALS) Pink and purple – ur mum Red, orange, and yellow – ur mum if she’s stylish Red, yellow, blue – dudes and small children Blue and white – rare, probably a wedding Red and white – love for fancy bitches

Here are what the flowers actually mean to a florist:

The Fill It Out flowers:

Carnations – fuck u these are meaningless filler-flowers, not even your administrative assistant likes them, show some creativity Alstroemeria – by and large very similar to carnations but I like them better Tea roses – cute and lil and come several to a stalk, a classy filler flower Moluccella laevis – filler flower but CHOICE Delphinium – not as interesting as moluccella but purple so okay I guess Blue thistle – FUCK YEAH, some fucking textural variety at last!  you’re getting this for a dude, aren’t you? Chrysanthemums – barely better than carnations but better is still better Gladiolus – ooh, risky business, someone understands the use of the Y-axis, very good

Focal points:

Long-stem roses – yeah whatever Lilies – LBD, looks good with everything, get used as often as possible Hydrangeas – thirsty fuckers, divas of the flower world and rightly so, treat them right and they make you look good Gerbera daisies – the rose’s hippie cousin, hotter but no one admits it Peonies – CHA-CHING, everybody’s absolute favorite but you need guap Orchids – if this isn’t for a wedding you’re probably trying too hard but they’re expensive so keep ordering them

You know what matters?  THE CUSTOMER’S BUDGET.  THAT’S TELLING.

-$20 – if you’re not under 12, fuck off, get your sugar something else $30 – good for bouquets but an arrangement will be lame $40 – getting there, there’s something that can be done with that.  you can get some gerbs or roses with that and not have them look stupidly solo. $50 to $70 – tolerable $80 – FINALLY.  It sounds elitist but this really is the basic amount of money you should expect to spend on an arrangement that matters.  That’s your Mother’s Day arrangement.  You’re probably not going to spend $80 on a bouquet. $90 to $130 – THE GOOD SHIT, you’re likely to get some orchids $130+  – Weddings and death.  This amount of money gets you a memorial arrangement or a handmade bridal bouquet.  Don’t spend this on a Mother’s Day or a Babe I Love You arrangement, buy whosits a massage or something.

Miscellaneous:

Everything needs greening and if you don’t think that you’re an idiot. 

As a new employee, when you start making arrangements, you can’t see the mistakes you’re making because you’re brand new and you’re learning an art form from the ground up.

With a few exceptions customers don’t have a clear plan in mind.  They want you to develop the bouquet for them.  They want something that will delight their little sweetbread but you’re lucky if they know that person’s favorite color, let alone flower.

Flower shops don’t typically have every kind of flower in every kind of color.  Customers generally aren’t assed about that.  Most people don’t care about the precise shade of the rose or having daffodils in July, because they’re not boning up on flower language before they buy.  That would imply that they’ve got a clear bouquet in mind and, again, they don’t.

Being a florist is essentially a lot like what I imagine being a mortician is about.  You’re basically keeping dead things looking good for as long as possible.  You keep the product in the fridge so it doesn’t rot and look horrible by the time the family gets a whack at it, and in the meanwhile you put it in a nice container.

Anyway that’s flowers.

[armyofnerds]

today at work a man brought a pug in on a leash and that pug was so excited and happy to see me it was as if we were old friends who havent been in contact in 7 years i felt so loved in that moment

[armyofnerds]

[armyofnerds]

Omg do you have any more kisaita recs?? I want to read moar plz :)

Too Hot (Hot Damn) by Fallen_Star

Title: Too Hot (Hot Damn)

Author: Fallen_Star

Series: Give Me Love

Summary: So maybe he should have paid more attention to his mother when she tried to teach him how to use kitchen utensils, but he had assumed that when he moved into his own place he would work it out on his own. Uchiha Itachi was nothing if not a proud man, and being forced to admit that he had set his kitchen on fire for the second time in a fortnight because he couldn’t figure out how to cook a meal was not high on his wish list. Thus, it was all the microwave’s fault. In which Itachi keeps setting fire to his apartment, Kisame is the firefighter on call, and Sasuke is a brat.

Review: How did I miss this when I went on my Kisame/Itachi kick a few months ago? Modern day slice of life fic featuring: firefighter Kisame (as well as the rest of the Akatsuku crew), hilarious Uchiha family dynamics, and great cameos all around. Many of the characters could be considered OOC, but I’d like to think that this is a good representation of how they would act without their tragic backstories. Funny, cute, and I’m looking forward to reading the rest of the series :)