artisnowy

[artisnowy]

persisting despite it all !

[artisnowy]

After all these years, it finally happened

It happened

I had a dream I was a worm

I was a worm in a relationship with a human man

He still loved me even though I was a worm

The question has been answered

[artisnowy]

I’m a unicorn, but a liminal unicorn.

Something is off. Limbs too long. Neck bends too far. Eyes see too much.

Your eyes lock onto me and there’s an itch in the back of your skull that warns you to walk away. To lower your head and pretend you didn’t see.

[artisnowy]

Someday you get out of bed and can be incredibly productive.

Other days you don't even want to get out from under your covers.

Whichever type of day you're having is completely understandable.

[artisnowy]

sometimes i feel as if i am held together with only scotch tape, but i need to remember i am also held together with love for others

[artisnowy]

My most controversial opinion is that I'm probably going to be unloved for the rest of my life. You're pretty cool though :]

Change that lame-ass 'woe is me' attitude to a cool-ass 'me is woah' attitude and watch as you find love both inwards and outwards in life

[artisnowy]

sometimes its hard but they best way to keep yourself alive is find something to live for outside of yourself, even if its something that you can do without like a new show or game

For me its my friends, ive had alot kf hardships with friends but gosh the friends i have now i want to see them i want to go on adventures with them, I want to see them grow up and live their lifes, i wanna be there for the best and worst moments, I want to be there in case they are in need, I want to see my friends all the time

[artisnowy]

It is the summer, and it feels like my grandma.

As the breeze set it, brushing the apple tree leaves,

laughter emanates from the backyard.

My grandma sits on the porch watching me and my cousins play.

Through the summer weeks there were no school so we spent many nights at her house

The soda she kept for us, the cable she had on the tv as big as us

Richard simmons kept us entertained on days it was to hot to be outside, and old as seen on tv infomercials sang us to sleep.

The summer reminds me of grandma, The amber hue of her warm voice

The breeze as she comforts and consoles us

Our family messy as the shaving cream she used to cover a table outside with as a cheap entertainment for us.

The broken hose which they poked holes into to be a run through sprinkler.

The summer reminds me of her, and yet she died in the winter.

She brought warmth to the rooms she was in, and without her her house feels cold.

[artisnowy]

worst part about getting angry is how much it makes you want to be mean

[artisnowy]

Happy Holidays to all who celebrate 🧡💛💚💙💜

[artisnowy]

In the river i almost drowned in the water socks needed to be removed to survive. My dad's water socks are still at the bottom on that river possibly 10 years later

[artisnowy]

I sit on my friends floor, i had just tried on a swimsuit snd i still had the bikini top and shorts on and i talk to her about my struggles with mt family. She mentions that it is not my responsibility to tell my parents that, and that if they want to know about me they need to ask. I broke down in their arms that night

[artisnowy]

Im good at saying the wrong things

[artisnowy]

Most of my wishes are just wanting one last conversation with someone that i will never be able to talk to again

[artisnowy]

My grandma died a little before christmas last year.

As a kid I went to her house every friday after school to spend the night, aswell as all my cousins. I could still find exactly where the carpet hardened and the floor creaked.

She would take care of us, treat us with food, watch over us. she had cable unlike my parents and she enjoyed watching our excitement when watching the tv.

while my family wasnt rich, there were many outside gsmes we would play including playing with shaving cream on the glass table and running through the hose with a bunch of holes poked into it to be a sprinkler.

Every holiday was spent at her house no matter the weather. even after my family sort of self destructed my immediate family still saw her ever holiday where we would play boaed games and tell stories

After we grew up, eventually our grandpa took the playset out of the backyard nuch to the distraught of our grandma realizing the time with grandkids was over.

Her mobility became limited, she had a condition i dont remember what it was called but she would inflate with waterweight and need to be drained and havr wraps on her legs. Some days she couldnt even use the bathroom herself.

A 4 days before she died, I was informed her health was decreasing, unsure of how long she would live but i was busy and didnt have time to visit. The 2 days before she died on a sunday I was informed she would not live into the next year, let alone the next week. I was holding out hope she would live to wensday when I was no longer busy.

She died around 1:30 am on tuesday the 12th. I woke up to texts asking if i was awake and once i left my room my sister told me. I would like to say i was distraught and collapsed into tears but in full honesty I felt empty, as if all sense of emotion was drained out of me.

I cracked some half hearted joke unsure of what else to say and went to my friend's house like we had been planning for months. I told my friend about what happened and we spent the hangout talking about her.

A week later i went to the morgue ro see my grandma for the last time and there is something so distraughting about seeing someone, seeing them right in front of you, and knowing their not there, knowing deep down that it is empty. I cried then but the realization hadnt set in yet. even after realizing the lamp i gave her that was always on had finally been shut off

About 3 month later I was trying to get to sleep and i thought of the touch of her hand and it finally set in that I wouldnt see her again and I cried so hard.

i feel as if finslly I have fully processed ehat has happened and now i wanted to share a bit about her.

[artisnowy]

Im tired of leaving things unsaid, I need everyone to know how deeply i care

[artisnowy]

The fear of opening an old save of a game and see the person you were when you last played it