ask-farmer-bean-sdv

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Hello, I'd like to ask you for a small favor. Is it possible for you to reblog my post about my cat ? I'm in desperate need of financial help as well as prayers. Thank you for your time, and please keep yourself safe!

Apparently your blog is not real, and I don’t do prayer. So sorry. Can’t help if I can’t find your blog.

#I sound so mean #i mean it though #if you need my help please be sure I can find your blog

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[ask-farmer-bean-sdv]

Omg 🥺

I love her 🥺

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fathers casually dropping the craziest lore of their lives in the middle of a conversation

[ask-farmer-bean-sdv]

dealing with the worst case scenario

your condom breaks

you feel a lump on your breast

your friends are ignoring you

you’re stranded on an island 

you got rejected by a crush

you get into a car accident

you got stung by a bee/wasp

you got fired from your job

you’re in an earthquake

your tattoo gets infected

your house is on fire

you’re lost in the woods

you get arrested abroad

you get robbed

your partner cheated on you

you’re on a ship that’s sinking

you fall into ice

you’re stuck in an elevator

you hit a deer with your car

you have food poisoning

your pet passed away

you fall off of a horse

you or your friend has alcohol poisoning

you have toxic shock syndrome

your house has a gas leak

[ask-farmer-bean-sdv]

tumblr won’t let me make polls and now all my bugs are loose what do i do they’re eating this pos 🪱t help. 🐌 m

e 🐛

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It’s really not a “gen z are funnier than millennials” thing it’s just that high schoolers are consistently the funniest people alive no matter what year it is

[ask-farmer-bean-sdv]

#upon first encountering this post my tumblr crashed

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"idk how tumblr works" it doesn't. hope this helps 🙏

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You know what? Fine. It’s been 5 years. Here’s the version you always wanted.

[ask-farmer-bean-sdv]

say what u want about the manscaped ads I know they are shit, all of them but the “evil, sinister, malcontent, balls” one puts me into fucking hysterics actually

[ask-farmer-bean-sdv]

Reblog to give the person you reblogged this from a Croissant (🥐).

[ask-farmer-bean-sdv]

[ask-farmer-bean-sdv]

TIL: Paper airplanes were not created to mimic real airplanes. They predate them.

via beatlyzer.com

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guy who installs an adblocker and forgets about it and lives in a beautiful world where online ads have become much less frequent

[ask-farmer-bean-sdv]

I feel like the reason certain dog-lovers insist cats are evil is because they read their body language as if they were dogs. So here’s a very basic guide to common “mean” things cats do that actually aren’t mean at all if you know what they’re thinking.

Rolling and exposing belly- attacks you when touched Does not mean: Give belly rubs! - haha I tricked you!  Actually means: I’m playful! If you reach for my belly I’ll grab your arm and bite it because I think we’re playfighting! 

Lazily exposing belly - still attacks when touched Does not mean: tricked you again! Actually means: I’m showing you my belly because I trust you. Please don’t break that trust by invading my personal space. I might accept a belly rub if I’m not ticklish and I know you well. Snapping at you while being pet Does not mean: I suddenly decided I dislike you! Actually means: You’re petting me in a way that gives me too much restless energy. Please focus on petting my head and shoulders instead of stroking the full length of my back next time.

Is in the same room but makes no attempt to interact Does not mean:  I’m ignoring you Actually means: We’re hanging out! I’m being respectful by giving you space while still enjoying your company. Slapping/scratching your hand when you try to pet them Does not mean: I hate you! Actually means: You’ve failed to establish that we’re not playing, or the way you’re approaching me scares me. Be calmer, speak more gently, make eye-contact and blink slowly at me before you try again.