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astroodledream · 6 months

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I can definitely feel the angst incoming but I’m so excited to see where this will go 🥹💕

so this is growing up | h.hj series

part one: the invincible blanket

genre: angst, smut, childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, coworker au

wc: 4.5k

summary: What you call ‘fearless,’ he calls ‘reckless’—but back when you were children, he was the one who taught you how to be brave. Hwang Hyunjin, who filled every one of your childhood memories with excitement and curiosity, is now so different from before. Reuniting by chance after your careers led you down separate paths, you wonder if the Hyunjin you fell in love with when you were younger still exists within the jaded businessman who stands before you. No—you are sure he’s there, and you’re determined to find him again.

masterlist

Storms always scared you. You hated how the rumble reverberated through your body, rattling your bones and making your heart shake. The whirring winds sounded like whispering ghosts—ones that wanted to slip through the cracks of your window to spook you. The crashing rain was so loud that you feared your ceiling would cave in from all the bullets hitting your roof. Storms were the worst.

On stormy nights, you and Hyunjin would take cover underneath a shared blanket, hiding from the flashing lights and booming thunder. It wasn’t just any blanket though, only your grandmother’s hand-sewn quilt was capable of shielding you from the dangers outside. The baby blue squares were stitched with some sort of impenetrable thread, the soft cloth was impervious to all forces. Nothing could hurt you when you were wrapped in your blanket, with Hyunjin huddled close to your side. It was your invincible blanket.

It was nothing more than a flimsy layer of fabric, powerless against a simple pair of scissors, yet it made you feel untouchable. You’d wear it as a cape, dashing across the room during a game of tag, confident that Hyunjin had no chance of catching you when you had it on. Whenever you crossed paths with a grisly spider in your home, you’d duck under the blanket and the pest magically disappeared.

Sometimes, Hyunjin would help you drape the blanket across the chairs in your kitchen. You’d bring a flashlight and he’d bring his sketchbook and you’d spend all night doodling inside of your fortress. You’d share secrets underneath the blanket, ones that you were too afraid to say out loud anywhere else. But under the comfort of your quilt and with Hyunjin’s warm smile putting you at ease, you were able to be brave.

Though, it wasn’t the blanket that made you brave, rather, reckless ignorance. The kind of naivety that all children have before they learn the truth about the world. It was this unawareness that allowed you to face your fears without real thought or contemplation. Your ignorance protected you, but it couldn’t last forever.

With every harsh truth you were taught, the blanket lost more and more of its power. Soon, it was just a blanket, a mere piece of cloth no longer big enough to wrap around your body. Your invincible blanket could not serve you any more. But Hyunjin was still there to help you be brave, to give you courage when you needed it. He was there to hold your hand when you faced challenges, he wrapped you in his arms when you feared for the future.

He was there until he wasn’t. And again, you had to learn how to live without your blanket.

It was scary at first, you’d never faced life on your own before. But the years you spent exploring the world, experiencing every new adventure with Hyunjin had taught you so much. Despite your once innocent vision being clouded by bleak reality, you learned to not be afraid.

You were no longer ignorant, but you chose to remain reckless.

College was a your new playground. Sometimes you’d fall and scrape your knees, but that never stopped you from racing back to the jungle gym. It was fun, it was difficult, you got hurt and you hurt others, it was exhilarating. You tried your first shot of tequila, you suffered your first hangover, you had your first boyfriend and you experienced your second heartbreak.

You had sex for the first time with a boy you loved, only to be tossed aside the moment he laid eyes on someone prettier. Though he took your virginity, your innocence was lost long ago, so you didn’t feel too bad about it. What Hyunjin took from you when he left was far more sacred.

You made new friends and a few enemies. You experienced some of your happiest moments and some of the darkest periods of your life. You loved and loved and loved, even when you received nothing in return. Some called you naive for living so recklessly, but you knew that you weren’t. You were fully aware of the pleasure and pain that came from your choices, and you chose to feel it all, fully.

You’d fall in love a thousand times and have your heart broken a thousand more before you’d limit yourself to who you gave your love to. You’d rather die than live any way other than completely, thoroughly, wholly. Many called you a hopeless romantic, but you liked to think of yourself as a hopeful one. Hopeful to find true love despite the world telling you that your wishes were childish. But little did they know that you had already found it once before. Really, the hope you had saved was all for him.

He was the one who showed you how thrilling life can be, and now that you’ve had a taste, you’d never settle for anything less. Even when it meant undergoing messy breakups and messier rebounds. Even when you found yourself slumped against a light post after a rough night out, mascara smudged over your eyes as you waited for your friend to come pick you up. Even when Hyunjin changed his number without telling you. Even when you missed him so much that it hurt.

Despite all that, you kept going. You kept experiencing every moment and every feeling entirely. In fact, you sought them out. Because you felt your heart beat strongest in moments of pain, reminding you that you’re alive. So even though your innocence had crumbled, your spirit was unbreakable as ever, naive as it might be.

It was this fearless attitude that brought you even more joy than the pain. Against your parents’ concern about pursing a career in the arts, you graduated with a degree in photography. You longed to create beautiful images ever since Hyunjin showed you how to paint, though you were not nearly as skilled as he was with a brush. That didn’t stop you from finding your own talent, however. Every odd job you stumbled upon became your new passion project. You poured your heart into each one, no matter how small or simple the assignment, until eventually, your efforts were recognized.

An offer to work for a big company in the city was the acknowledgement you’d been craving and the reassurance you needed to keep chasing your dream. Your blind passion may have seemed stupid to some, but you didn’t know how else to live.

Still, the thought of leaving home was nerve wracking. Every memory you ever made was here. But as skeptical as they were before, your parents encouraged you to go. They knew what a great opportunity this job would be for your career, and for you. A bird with wings as vast as yours should not remain caged. You belonged out there, where the streets were loud and bustling and the lights never turned off. He would’ve wanted you to go, you thought to yourself. So you went.

On the first day of your new job, you feared it might have been your last. Waking up late left you no time to fix your messy hair and a missed bus set you back even longer. Once you made it to your building, the maze of cubicles inside dissipated any hope you had of finding your office.

Flustered as you wandered the faded halls, you began to realize that your bright clothes didn’t match the dreary aesthetic surrounding you. People in gray suits avoided eye contact as they walked past you with briefcases in their hands. You attempted to grab someone’s attention, anyone who was willing to help you find your way, but their stares remained glued to the floor.

It was four minutes until nine, the orientation meeting with your boss would soon begin. You still had no idea where you were. Picking up the pace, you swiftly peeked through each room you passed, hoping to stumble across your destination. In your rush, you failed to notice a man standing around the corner. Before you could slow your speed, your bodies collided.

His coffee cup fell to the floor, splattering all over the carpet and on your new shoes. Mortified by the situation, you quickly found a box of tissues nearby and crouched to the ground, cleaning as much as you could. From below, you saw the man impatiently tap his foot, huffing with agitation. You mumbled an apology even though his attitude annoyed you, rising to your feet slowly as you dreaded seeing the scowl on his face.

You flinched once he opened his mouth, ready to take whatever criticism was coming your way.

“You really should watch where—“

His voice was cut short when he laid his eyes on you.

“Y/N?”

You opened your eyes at the sound of your name.

“Hyunjin.”

You hadn’t spoken his name in years but the letters formed in your mouth like a prayer you’d recited from memory. Hearing it out loud sent a chill down your spine and you had to blink a few times to make sure that he wasn’t a ghost. You felt like one yourself by the way he stared at you, eyes wide, mouth agape, frozen in shock, haunted by your presence.

Your phone buzzed, alerting you that your meeting was starting now. There was no time to process your reunion. You quickly excused yourself to continue your search, but it was clear you were lost. Hyunjin offered to show you the way.

You followed behind him in burning silence, left to the sound of the thoughts running through your mind. He was taller, leaner. The creases on his suit were precise and crisp. His posture was impossibly straight and his strides were carefully measured. He looked perfect. He looked not himself.

He looked beautiful. That’s one thing that could never change. His eyes were as sharp and his lips as soft as ever. Though, the expression he wore was colder than you ever recalled. He looked like Hyunjin trapped inside the body of a businessman, like an alternate version of himself. You suddenly felt like a stranger.

His hair was still long though. He always fought to keep it that way as a child, throwing fits whenever his mother took him to the salon. He liked his shaggy tresses and they suited him well, even now with his new persona. Wisps of dark hair curled around his neck, giving you just a bit of hope that strands of the boy you knew were still there.

“What do you do now?” You needed to break the deafening silence even if it meant engaging in trivial small talk.

“I’m an accountant.”

You couldn’t believe it. The Hyunjin you knew thought in colors. His mind could never be constrained to numbers.

While you mulled over this information, Hyunjin opened the door to your office, notifying you that your boss would be coming over soon. A tense atmosphere overtakes the room as you stared at one another, preparing to bid goodbye before you even said hello. He lingered at the door long enough for you to gather your courage.

“You never called home.”

He tells you he’s been busy, working hard. Excuses that don’t really mean anything. You ask him a question, trying to get closer to the truth.

“Are you happy?”

He pauses, looking at you with tired eyes.

A knock on the door saved him from having to search for an answer that would satisfy you. You’re disappointed, he can see it. And the pain of letting you down once again was too much for Hyunjin to face right now. He had enough on his plate already.

In walked a woman, graceful enough to be a ballerina and dressed just as elegantly. She looked around your age but her aura made you feel inclined to address her with the respect of an elder. You wondered if she was your boss. It would be quite intimidating to work with her if she were.

You soon learned that she wasn’t your boss. Her true identity would have a far greater impact on your reality. She snaked her arm around Hyunjin’s and smiled at you ever so gently as he introduced her.

“This is Sara, my fiancé.”

The shock was sharp at first, but quickly dulled. Every surprise you learned about Hyunjin was gradually becoming anticipated. You realized that you don’t know much about him at all. After all, you were strangers now.

“I see you’re doing well. I’m glad.” You managed a meager smile.

He nodded, lips shut into a thin line. “It’s good to see you again.”

You curtly bowed your head to both of them and stared at the ground as they walked away.

That nightmare of a first day still didn’t quell the flame of excitement you had for your new job. You were determined to take the bull by the horns and dive head first into this new adventure. There was so much you wanted to learn about your new position, about the city around you. You were excited, despite the fact that the one person you had been longing to see treated you like a complete stranger. You looked forward to going to work every day, even though Hyunjin barely gazed at you whenever you passed by. He must be very busy.

Your boss was kind and easygoing. He frequently came into the office late with clumps of fur all over his sweater and occasional scratches on his arms but his expertise made up for his tardiness. Being a single father to three kittens was difficult, he explained. You enjoyed whenever he’d excitedly show you snapshots of his pets. For a man with such talent in photography, Minho chose very basic subjects.

As casually as he ran the office, he still pushed you to expand your skills. It was during those times when you struggled with new techniques that Minho became quite intimidating. It was out of genuine care that he pushed you, and for that you were grateful. Minho became a boss you respected and cherished. You were relieved to be working for him and not Sara, whom you initially assumed to be your boss, and whom you discovered more about through your chatty coworker, Jisung.

Jisung had only arrived to the office a few months before you, but he already squeezed his way into every social circle in the company. His charming humor and dazzling smile earned him love from many—many who also trusted him with numerous company secrets. While he was adored by a great share of your colleagues, Jisung seemed to like you the most. You had an actual personality that wasn’t just about work, he explained, and the two of you quickly became good friends.

Being Jisung’s friend meant becoming his vault for all the confidential information he collected. He loved to gossip, but he couldn’t just share everything he learned with anyone. That would be a sure fire way to tarnish his credibility. So instead, he dumped it all on you because you knew how to keep you mouth shut.

He told you salacious tales about affairs between company employees, crude words spoken during drunken staff dinners, and even suspected crimes committed by the higher ups. You enjoyed listening to his stories, but took them with a grain of salt. Jisung had a habit of exaggerating the truth for the sake of entertainment. Still, you admitted, it was a lot of fun to hear.

There was only one rumor you were interested in knowing the truth about, and that was the story behind Hyunjin and his fiancé. Jisung explained that Sara was the daughter of the company’s CEO and that she often used her power to get what she wanted. Allegedly, she had sought Hyunjin’s attention the moment he entered the company, configured his work schedule so that he was forced to report to her and used promises of promotions to lure him into a relationship.

This was all hearsay, of course. But the more you heard about her, the scarier she became. Her intimidation could be felt whenever she entered a room, and you noticed how even the most rebellious employees became docile in her presence. She seemed smitten whenever Hyunjin was around though, clutching onto him like he was a prized jewel. You wondered if he loved her.

You wondered many things about Hyunjin. He was so different now. Day after day you passed him by, his brows always furrowed, lips always pressed, focused on work and nothing else. He wasn’t the same spirited boy you knew. This wasn’t the boy who taught you how to climb trees, how to fly kites, how to mix red with blue and a dab of black to create the deepest purple. This wasn’t the boy who taught you constellations, taught you friendship, taught you love.

Where did that boy go? When did he disappear? Your stomach twisted at the thought that he was really gone. But you continued to watch him in hopes of finding any trace of the boy you once knew, searching desperately for your old friend.

Hints of him were still there. The way he’d tap his pen during meetings, fidgeting when they ran for too long because he could never sit still. The jar of candy he kept on the corner of his desk, filled with lemon drops, his favorite, as you remembered. Seeing these faithful habits eased your heart. Though they were buried deep, fragments of the past Hyunjin that you knew still sat under the surface. You wished to excavate them somehow but you lacked the tools.

You settled for observing him from a distance, hoping he was truly where he wanted to be. Besides, you hadn’t spoken in years, you wouldn’t know where to begin. You wouldn’t know what to say. You only knew that you wanted to talk to him so badly.

Opportunities presented themselves here and there. You’d run into him at the coffee machine some days. You only managed a simple “good morning.” Hyunjin greeted you curtly and left without adding any sugar to his drink, even though you knew he hated his coffee bitter.

You finished your work late one night. When you gathered your things to leave, you saw him still typing away at his desk, the only one left in the office. You almost left without saying goodbye, almost accepted your new dynamic of acting as strangers, as if the memories of your past never existed.

But instead you chose to be a little reckless. You wished to reconnect with your friend who seemed to be actively avoiding you, foolish as it was. So you invited him to dinner. He accepted.

You hadn’t planned for him to agree to come, for how awkward the conversation would be—you hadn’t even planned on asking him in the first place. Sometimes your impulsive decisions got you caught up in unpredictable encounters. This one led you to a diner table sat across from Hyunjin, giving you full access to ask him anything you wanted.

You wanted to ask him why he left home, why he left you behind. You wanted to ask if he enjoyed his job, if he still loved painting. You wanted to ask him if he was excited to get married, if he remembers that it was you he first proposed to, all those years ago. You wanted to know if he missed you as much as you missed him. And if he did, why he never called.

You wanted to dive deep into his mind and pull the boy you once knew back to shore. But these waters were uncharted, you’d lose yourself trying to navigate his ocean. You couldn’t ask him a thing.

Still, the bits of small talk you made piled up enough to bring comfort to your soul. He told you that his mother lives in the city with him now, that she mentions you from time to time. You missed her herbal tea and sugar cookies. Hyunjin still kept his paint set, though it’s collected dust. He hopes to use it when he has some free time. Will he ever be free again?

Dinner ended uneventfully. You spoke about many things but nothing quite substantial. It was time to go but you had barely scratched the surface. You couldn’t watch him leave again.

“Remember when we’d skip rocks at the creek?” You asked, hoping to move him in any way.

He said nothing and just nodded.

“I want to do that again. I want to do that tonight.” You looked at him expectantly, hoping he’d give in to the gravitational pull of the stars in your eyes.

“Y/N, the river is on the other side of town.”

The old Hyunjin would’ve grabbed your hand and raced to the riverbank. He wouldn’t have hesitated to take you anywhere you wished to go. He was the convoy of your adventures, the pilot of your flights. You just needed to remind him.

“You’re just scared I’ll throw better than you.”

It was an immature comment, but Hyunjin’s eyes widened at your challenge. If acting childish was what it took to bring the child out of him, then so be it.

“Wait, you’re serious?” The corners of his mouth quirked in disbelief. He stared at you, curious.

You looked back at him with the same daring eyes. A giddy smile creeped onto both your faces and you hopped into the car.

Hyunjin doesn’t understand why he can never say no to you. What compelled him to take up your offer for dinner, to drive to the edge of town just to toss some pebbles—he doesn’t know. But the juvenile impulses he’d suppress all those years came bursting to the surface with a simple sparkle of your eyes.

This wasn’t him. Well, it used to be him, but not any longer, not since he decided to take life more seriously and ditch the childish daydreams. Hyunjin thought he’d never see you again. A part of him died when he accepted that. But to his unawareness, the piece of him that was only unlocked by you was merely dormant in your absence. It only took your word to awaken once more.

You came back into his life at the worst possible time. He was preparing for marriage, for a promotion, and for evolution. Hyunjin had followed all the correct steps to obtain the life he wanted. Yet, you found your way back to him when he hoped to finally forget you—when his heart longed for you the most.

The way his pulse skipped when he locked eyes with you that day made him feel terribly disgusting. How shameful it was for an engaged man to allow himself to feel that way. Impulses aside, Hyunjin was an adult. He could control his actions. He needed to do the right thing and resist whatever hypnosis you had him under. He was failing miserably.

“Told you I throw better than you.” He grinned.

You watch intently as Hyunjin skipped his rock over the surface of the water. His chest heaved from the force he put into the throw, a warm breath escaped his lips like steam from a mug of hot chocolate. His smile was sweet, decadent. He looked youthful. He looked happy.

You laughed as you threw pebbles, working hard to beat his record. You didn’t need to win. Being here with him was enough. You hadn’t appreciated your time with him when you had it. You’d never take it for granted again.

You were two children collecting rocks by the riverbank. Gathering pieces of your youth. It was getting late but the night had just began. You desperately wished for it never to end.

“I bet the view is beautiful up there.” You pointed to a cliff near the water.

“Y/N, you’ll hurt yourself if you go.” Hyunjin cautioned.

You ignored his warning. That wasn’t the true Hyunjin speaking anyway.

Carefully placing your feet, you started to climb the rocks leading up to the overhang. Hyunjin mumbled his disapproval but followed you from below. Your stubbornness was a result of none other than his doing. The unending encouragement he gave you all those years, back when you were too timid to say what you wanted—he didn’t know it would end up tormenting him like this. Now he reaped the consequences of his actions.

You continued your ascent fearlessly, determined to reach the top. You weren’t scared of slipping, not when you knew Hyunjin would catch you before you fell. He always did. And that’s why you trusted him. Having him here with you again made you feel invincible. You hadn’t felt this way in a long time.

Hyunjin hadn’t felt this anxious in years. Why did you insist on torturing him so? Still, for the first time in years, a small part of him was curious. Would the view indeed be beautiful from up there?

Before he could find his answer, he watched as your foot slipped. One step on a loose rock sent your body plunging backwards. You gasped in panic. He caught you before you fell.

Adrenaline surged through your body, making your heart race as you steadied yourself in his arms. Hyunjin’s heart raced too. He hasn’t held you like this in years.

Shaky as you made your descent, he guided you down with your hand in his. You hung your head in shame, prepared to be scolded. Hyunjin didn’t reprimand you. He only asked if you were okay. You could never make him angry.

You wanted to apologize for being careless and thank him for catching you. You wanted to tell him that you were only trying to extend your time together somehow because you had missed him so much. But your heart would not stop pounding. You couldn’t say a thing.

Hyunjin should’ve let go of your hand by now. You were safely back on solid ground. You could stand on your own. He didn’t need to hold it any longer. He kept holding it anyway.

A loud ring broke the silence between you. It was Hyunjin’s phone. He let go of your hand and reached into his pocket. You heard an angry voice coming from the other end of the line. Hyunjin muttered apologies and ended the call.

“It’s late now, I really need to get home.” His expression was sullen.

He walked you to the bus stop and offered to wait with you until it came. You declined, urging that he go sooner.

“I’ll be fine.” You insisted. “She’ll be more upset if you stay later.”

Hyunjin pressed his lips tight and let out a sigh. You were right. Sara was always furious whenever he went out without her. He should be at home, spending time with her, like a good fiancé. It’s a shame that none of their interests seemed to align, but that was just a sacrifice that a good man would make. Hyunjin was a great man.

Seeing how troubled he looked, you shot him a smile.

“I’ll see you at work.”

Hyunjin nodded and smiled back. You watched as his figure disappeared, leaving you alone under the streetlight.

It was November now, the sun sets early and the nights had turned cold. A gust of wind swept by, sending shivers through your body. For the first time in years, you wished for your blanket again.

a/n: ah the setting is quite melancholy, I think the changing seasons are making me crave sadness lol lots of longing between the two but such a difficult predicament they are in D: I hope you guys enjoy this series, I honestly don’t know how this will be received but I hope you’ll like it. (also, special tbibn jisung reference for those who read my last series ☺️)

taglist: @stay-wol @whlfchn @swissgoswish @hyunsungbased @erispancakes @jeonginssa @skz-streamer @maciscominghome @s00buwu @berryberrytan @straydhampir @nhyunn @kwanisms @babrieeee @hyuneyeon @wonwoos-wineparty @felinows @jhstayy @farfromsugafanfic @hwajin @hyunverse @amorogre @mal-lunar-28 @angeldhd @marcillfll @samluvshyunjin @hhwangsmoon @lilinaskzz @shycreationdreamland @hanniessleepyeyes @yourmomscuntis2tighy @cryinginmyroomsposts @hwangshoneycake @rachabreathing @astroodledream @jamlessstars @lilcutieana @fawnpeaks @ladylexis @chartrucewhore @broken-glowsticks @liknws @jjwhorehouse @mellowmentalitydragon @thisisnotjacinta @yubinism @choisoorin @hwangshoneycake @sweetpickledjins @hash2013

taglist OPEN

#already obsessed #the way you write just has me 🫠🥹🥰#love love love #Astrid approved

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astroodledream · 6 months

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astroodledream · 6 months

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I love this so much already 🥹🫠

so this is growing up | h.hj series

prologue: loss of innocence

genre: angst, smut, childhood friends to lovers, slow burn, coworker au

wc: 2.3k

warnings: death of a loved one, mentions of anxiety, sad undertones overall

masterlist

Before you could walk, he was the hand that kept you from falling.

Before you could run, he stole your heart.

Hyunjin was a part of your life for longer than you can remember. And you loved him before you knew what love was.

Two modest brick houses that sat side by side on a cobblestone path charmed both your parents. Yours desired a quiet neighborhood to raise their family while his sought a home closer to his father’s new job. It was a miracle of fate that the couples got along so well, frequently hosting one another for dinner and delivering baked goods next door to celebrate special occasions.

And how convenient it was that your neighbors had a son the same age as you. Hyunjin became your playmate by consequence of your circumstances, but he became your partner out of your own wills. You’d never met another boy before him, but you were sure there was none other more gentle.

He was kind, he shared his snacks with you—even his most favorite ones—and never complained when you took the last piece. He was patient, always waited for you to tie your shoes before racing to the jungle gym. Why didn’t you just wear slip-ons like him? He never understood that. But even when you’d trip over your laces and fall to the ground in tears, Hyunjin never called you silly. He comforted you until you were ready for another round of tag.

He was familiar to you. He was safe. When you began kindergarten for the first time, you clung onto him like ivy, too afraid to talk to the other kids. He didn’t mind spending his lunches with you. The two of you sat under the maple tree every day, chatting about how difficult subtraction was and how you couldn’t wait to sprint home to catch the newest episode of your favorite cartoon. You were inseparable.

Come middle school, Hyunjin’s curiosity for the world grew. He wished to explore the woods behind your backyard and collect the prettiest rocks. He wondered how the view would look from the highest tree. He’d ask you to join him on his adventures, ask you if you were curious too. You were. You soon shedded your timidness and followed him wherever he took you. Sometimes he didn’t know where himself.

But you trusted him. You trusted him more than you trusted yourself. He taught you how to be brave, how to be courageous. You had nothing to fear, not when Hyunjin was by your side. And he never broke your trust. With him, you were invincible.

He thought he was invincible too. He had everything he needed in this world. He had his parents, who showered him with unconditional love. His father—his hero—the man who taught him how to treat others with respect in order to become a respectful man himself. His mother—his everything—who made sure he was never cold, never hungry, never needing of anything. And he had you.

His mother was the first woman he ever loved. You were the second.

His curiosity for the girl who lived next door blossomed from the moment his parents introduced him to you. He wanted to know what your favorite color was. His was red. What kind of games do you like to play? Would you paint with him if he let you borrow his brushes? How did you get so pretty?

Hyunjin had endless questions. He wanted to know everything about you. His curiosity was bottomless, and it only grew as you got older.

In high school, he began to realize the meaning behind his inquiring mind. Maybe he knew it all along. But with the help of William Shakespeare and a tedious assignment from his English teacher to read the classic play, Romeo and Juliet, a novel idea popped into his head for the first time.

“My bounty is as boundless as the sea, My love as deep. The more I give to thee, The more I have, for both are infinite.”

The words on the page rang throughout his brain. Whatever it was that he had for you—it was infinite. Finally, he made the connection between his awareness and what had been brewing in his subconscious mind all this time. Hyunjin was in love with you.

The realization unlocked something inside of him, something that was waiting to be free. As much as the knowledge scared him, it made him feel indestructible. He could conquer anything, undergo anything, because he loved you.

Hyunjin thought he was invincible. But he was just a kid. How could he have known that life can bring as much pain as it does happiness? How could he have known that tragedies don’t only strike villains? That bad things can even happen to good people. That cancer would take his father away. How could he have known?

Hyunjin had to watch his hero die. There was nothing valiant or admirable about his death. Nothing about the way his father lost half of his weight, his skin clinging to his bones, the monotonous beeping of the hospital monitors, the dull drapes that surrounded the room, how his mother sobbed relentlessly while he cried less and less with each visit—nothing about it was beautiful.

The day of his father’s funeral was the final day of his childhood. He buried his father six feet under and along with the coffin—his youth. It was only him and his mother left. Hyunjin was the man of the family now. He had to live up to the standards that his father left behind, the example that he created for Hyunjin throughout the entirety of his life. His father had passed on without them, but Hyunjin would never stop chasing him, chasing the approval of a man who didn’t exist anymore.

It was an endless race. One that would leave him dead before he could ever find the finish line. And so piece by piece, he withered as he ran.

From that day forward, Hyunjin changed. His mind grew up faster than his body. He wasn’t interested in games or painting or anything that he used to enjoy. He lost his curiosity for the world. He’d learned enough.

But you stayed the same, stuck by his side like always. Even when he didn’t feel like himself anymore, when he lost the glint of joy in his eyes, when the wrinkles from his smile faded away, you stayed. Because he was your safe place, all you’ve ever known. Because you loved him, too.

You loved him and you trusted him more than anyone. You trusted that he was invincible, that he would overcome this, that he would return to be the fearless Hyunjin you’ve known all your life. He had to be, or else everything he’d ever told you, the bravery that he’d helped you build, it all would crumble. You couldn’t let that happen. You’d do everything you could to save Hyunjin, just as he’d saved you.

So you tried every day to remind him of who he is, of what he means to you. You surprised him with his favorite snacks—the ones you always stole from him. You dragged him to explore new places with you, tried roller skating for the first time even though you’ve always been clumsy. He chuckled every time you fell. You woke up the next morning with bruises all over your knees but you didn’t regret it one bit. You’d paint your whole body purple if it meant that you could hear his laugh for even a second.

But despite your efforts, those instances were fleeting. His smile quickly dissolved once the moment had passed. You didn’t give up though. You’d never give up on him.

After weeks of pleading, you convinced Hyunjin to go to prom with you. It was the last event of the school year and your final chance to make a meaningful memory before you both graduated. He showed up at your doorstep with a corsage in his hands, not entirely excited for the night to come, but yearning to make you happy nevertheless.

His mind was riddled with apprehension. High school dances were pointless anyways. They were just an excuse for teenagers to put on fancy dresses and suits and pretend that they’re adults even though no one knows what they’re doing. His time would be much better spent studying for his college entrance exams, preparing for real adult life, ensuring a secure future for himself, making his mother and father proud.

Yet, for you, Hyunjin casted aside his concerns. He pasted on a smile and hoped it would be enough to convince you that he was excited to be there too. But excitement was hard for him to come by these days. Especially when the pressure of his responsibilities, his devotion to take care of his mother despite still being a child himself, his fear of failing his father—all weighed him down like shackles on his wrists.

Still, even when everything was wrong, you made it alright. You were the only thing that brought him some joy and peace in his life. He’d do anything for you.

When your front door swung open, the sight that greeted Hyunjin froze him numb. All of the doubts and anxiety swirling in his brain paused in an instant. And for a brief moment, a glimmer of excitement blazed in his eyes.

You looked beautiful. Even more beautiful than Hyunjin thought was possible. Though, he’d stopped pondering such unimaginable scenarios long ago.

Yet there you stood, a vision of perfection, beauty beyond any of his conceivable dreams. The sight filled him with the elation of a child on Christmas. His heart pounded furiously as if it had just been shocked back to life.

You took his arm and danced with him the whole night. From the minute you left your doorstep up until he returned you home, Hyunjin lived in an alternate reality, one where his worries were forgotten and where he could simply revel in the moment. Not wanting to leave this realm, he attempted to prolong his time there, leaning in to kiss you before the night ended.

But that was where the kiss remained—in a dimension that doesn’t exist, at least not after that night. Because soon after prom, graduation came and you and Hyunjin faced your last days together.

He chose a college in a different city too far to drive to and too expensive to fly to. You decided to remain here—home, where it was familiar and where you felt safe.

You didn’t speak about him leaving. You didn’t need to. You both understood that the distance would be difficult, painful even, but that nothing could break your friendship. Hyunjin explained many times that this school would offer him the best education and opportunities for his career. You understood it and supported him. Still, a part of you felt like he was running away. You could never bring yourself to confront him though.

On the last day of summer, you climbed to the rooftop of your house, something you did when you were younger. Laying on your backs, you and Hyunjin gazed at the stars in silence. You wanted to say something, anxious to get your feelings off of your chest, worried you’d regret it if you didn’t.

Hyunjin spoke first.

“I’ll miss you.”

You nodded, voiceless. Your mouth was shut tight, holding your breath as you blinked back the tears.

After a few minutes had passed, the sound of chirping crickets accompanying the quiet, you released a heavy sigh.

“I’ll miss you too.”

Hyunjin doesn’t look at you and you don’t look at him. But his hand drifts over to yours and it was enough to ease your nerves.

“I don’t know when I’ll see you again, but I promise that I will.”

You smiled at his words, though they made your chest feel tighter.

“I know we’ll meet again in the future. Time flies by so quickly. Before you know it, we’ll both be married and starting our own families.” You joked.

“I could marry you tomorrow.”

It was said in jest with a hint of truth. Or was it the other way around? Perhaps he was really telling the truth veiled under the guise of jest.

You turned to face him, searching his expression for answers. Hyunjin simply smiled, lips soft but his eyes were glass.

He couldn’t say any more, for fear that what might come out would dismantle his entire world. He couldn’t risk losing sight of his goals, his commitment to succeed, the plans he swore to carry out on behalf of his father. He was responsible for his own future and for his mother who depended on him. He was all she had. He couldn’t cling on to childish dreams anymore. He couldn’t be selfish nor immature. And above all, he couldn’t risk losing you.

Hyunjin left the next morning.

You cried for a whole week.

You tried to busy yourself with tasks and distractions. But everything reminded you of him. Your mother held you at night, stroking your hair and reassuring you that everything gets better with time. You tried to believe her.

Hyunjin tried to forget you. He shifted his focus on school and preoccupied himself with studying, burying himself in books. He reminded himself of his duties and ignored any distractions. He refused to indulge in selfish desires. This is what was necessary for him to become someone who others could be proud of, to become a respectable man, just like his father.

Yet even amidst moments of success and his biggest accomplishments, you still flashed across his mind. Can he really ever forget you? Hyunjin was still young, despite his efforts to grow up, despite his rejection of his past.

There are some things you just can’t outgrow.

a/n: ok writing this made me sad lol but im tryin something new here! this prologue sets the scene for our two lead characters, both complex and battling their own inner turmoil. please let me know your thoughts! hope to start releasing chapters soon :]

taglist OPEN!

#I can feel the incoming angst #and I am so here for it #I’m already hooked #your fics never disappoint 🥹#Astrid approved

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astroodledream · 7 months

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every time i start to feel cringe for being too deep in the hyperfixation i remember the intense depression i have waded through and have to remind myself that enjoyment is fleeting (so grab it with both hands), and life is for loving (so hold that love close), and if anyone thinks i’m cringe they must not be having a very good time (and i hope they can find a good time soon).

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astroodledream · 7 months

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Buil Film Awards: the Star of the Year Winners🏆

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astroodledream · 7 months

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Lee Know x Gucci's The God of Love

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astroodledream · 7 months

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lee know ✦ harper's bazaar japan

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astroodledream · 9 months

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absolutely love reading such a well-written story and falling a bit in love with the author based solely on the way they write. like baby the way you italicize words makes my heartbeat quicken.

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astroodledream · 9 months

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I am feeling all the feels right now 🥺💕

HELLO STRANGER. PART FIVE.

PAIRING: minho ft. hyunjin x fem!reader GENRE: smut, angst, fluff, soulmate!au. enemies to lovers. jealousy. pining. unrequited love. WORD COUNT: 5.4k

masterlist and taglist ♡ pt.1 | pt.4

do not repost to other sites, including translations.

You came. You came to the thought of Minho wrapped around you and… inside you. Minho. The same Minho who tossed what remained of your self esteem into the dirt and pressed it so deep into the earth you have no idea if you’ll ever find it again.

It’s fine.

You’d already accepted he was pretty, maybe the prettiest person you’d ever seen. But that was before. Before he’d called you an infection and made you feel so, so, small. It was easy to see past his pretty face after that.

And then he’d been kind. Fucking sat with you through a storm and asked you if you were okay and told you not to cry. It’s not enough. It shouldn’t be enough. He has an unfair advantage. He was picked out for you. Soulmates. Soulmates. Soulmates.

Keep reading

#this series has my whole heart #Astrid approved

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astroodledream · 9 months

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Folks announcing they’re leaving Tumblr because they’re unhappy with the Twitter clone dashboard on desktop. (I don’t blame you, it’s broken af.) Meanwhile, the day this hellsite finally does close, staff are going to have to pry me out of the air vents like a rabid raccoon that’s adapted to survive on drinking air conditioning coolant and whatever trash is left lying around in the breakroom.

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astroodledream · 9 months

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Currently pinching myself because I love your writing so much and to see you’ve posted a BAEKHYUN FIC!?!?! I am not okay

Can I Stay? (A Baekhyun Story) Part 1.

Pairing: You x Baekhyun

Rating: M

Word Count: 6.9k

Warnings: an unspecified age difference, this is an English story that uses the word Noona for lack of another word in English that carries the same feeling, if you don’t like this, then don’t read this story.

Author‘s note: remember all those years ago I said I’d write a Baekhyun x Noona fic? This is that fic.

Inspired by the Ray LaMontagne song Can I Stay

Your new assistant was going to be a problem.

You clocked him as a problem before he walked through the doors of your office.

You spotted the danger a mile away the moment you saw the memo from the President of the company’s personal secretary advising you that a new member of your team would be starting today. A new member whose presence you’d never requested; who’s resume you’d never even seen, and whose last name was suspiciously identical to that company President’s whose Secretary was asking you — no, telling you to welcome your brand new, fresh out of college, probably fresh out of his dear mothers warm hugs and kisses embrace, with as much of a warm welcome as if you were welcoming the President himself.

Not only did you get thrust into your lap a most likely spoiled rotten nepotism baby, but now he was sitting across from your desk staring back at you with a bright beautiful smile of plenty of professionally straightened teeth and an even brighter happy go lucky personality that told you that this strapping young man had never known a day of struggle in his entire life — as short as that life had been so far.

An assistant should be younger than you anyway, right? You wouldn’t feel right bossing a homely old man around all day.

Did that young assistant have to be so very pretty though? Did he really have to be sitting there so damn moist and tender, looking at you with his head cocked to the side as if he had been jumping to as many conclusions about you as you had about him?

“I’m Byun Baekhyun. I like playing video games and working out. I can’t eat cucumber or spicy food. Please take care of me, Miss Manager Noona.” His words pulled his pink lips into a pout as he spoke and the sounds of his voice had just enough of a nasal whine that you wondered if he simply always got his way all of the time with everyone he knew.

You frowned and ticked your head back and forth at the name he called you. “Just Manager.” You corrected sternly and his wide smile dipped into a pronounced pout. The kind one might see on a little kid who’d just dropped his ice cream cone. You heard a nasal grunt of complaint come from the back of his throat and you hated how quickly that sound strummed a particular chord inside of your chest. You felt weirdly rebuked for the quick rebuttal and your lips dropped open almost against your will, “I mean, it’s just that…”

Just when you’d opened your mouth to speak he’d already moved on, “So what do I do here, Miss Manager…?” His words out loud stopped at the word Manager but you caught the movement of his lips as he silently mouthed the forbidden word ‘Noona.’ Clearly thinking he’d gotten away with something, his bright smile was back and as he asked his question he leaned forward with both of his elbows bent on the edge of your desk. His head peaked around to steal glimpses at the various pieces of work both open on your desk and brought up on your computer screen. You had been up to your ass in it before he walked in here and the thought of pausing all of this progress to train this guy was making your stress ulcer act up. You had deadlines to meet if you were going to get this script to the Assistant Directors in time for them to begin filming the next episode. The directors had deadlines, the locations were booked and paid for, the sponsor checks had long ago been cashed, and the reality show talent had a schedule that, contractually, could not be delayed. You simply did not have time for this inexperienced man to be asking you silly questions like “So what do I do here, Noona?”

You pulled a long breath into your lungs through your nose and closed your eyes for a moment, harnessing your self control. It wasn’t his fault you were overwhelmed with work. It wasn’t his fault he was born into a life of privilege and comfort. It wasn’t his fault that you didn't have time to train an entire new employee on the complicated job that sat before you. It was, maybe, perhaps his fault though, that the full head of bottle blonde hair you saw on top of his head had just enough highlights in it to bring out the pink in his cheeks and lips and make him look like something straight out of a boy band.

By the time you’d finished taking in your several calming deep breaths and you put your eyes back on him he was standing over your desk with his eyes peering over the document you had been working through for the past hour.

He was reading and mouthing the words, although from upside down you doubted he could tell what he was looking at, yet you watched curiously as he stuck a slim finger forward to touch the corner of one of the papers. You had been going over translations. Making sure the wording was correct, yes, but ultimately safe for widespread distribution. Your copy had red slashes through it with changes and suggestions. You were the final set of eyes that would approve this language that would be distributed proudly with your companies name all over the world.

“I think this one is no good,” he pointed to a single word on the document that had seemed innocuous enough for you to skip over it entirely. “That word,” his fingertip was stopped on a noun in the middle of the page, “means something very, very naughty in Brazil.”

Your eyes glanced down to where he pointed, surprised first for him to catch on to this task so quickly without you even having to explain it, and second to learn that sometimes a seashell is not just a seashell.

“That’s what you are doing with this, right?” He was grabbing the stack of papers from your desk now. “Give it, you have more important things to do, Miss Manager…” Again his lips continued the next two syllables in silence and you realized that this man was probably the most stubborn person you would ever meet in your entire life, and you were about to be permanently sealed into his mind as his Noona, whether you allowed it or not.

And it wasn’t that you approved of any of this anyway. But by the time your brain turned back on, the documents were already in his hands and he grabbed the red pen and started marking the page on top.

You had no choice but to allow it. The mere thought of someone taking away even a fraction of your workload felt like some sort of a dream come true. Plus, it really did seem like he had some idea of what he was doing. Part of you was genuinely curious as to how he would do.

You glanced over at him occasionally as he read through the pages making his notes and you soon found yourself immersed in the next task that was due soon.

Your focus was interrupted when a chipper sing-songy tune sounded out in his voice beside you, “I’m do-ne,” he called out and the script plopped down on your desk. His eyes were bright and his wide smile was back as his eyebrows wagged in the direction of the stack of papers he’d proudly presented you with.

You’d only made it through the first page when he started speaking again — this time without the singing.

“Did I do well? Do you like it? Can I stay?”

You were leafing through the pages, finding the spot where you left off and where he took over and you quickly read through the lines, taking care to read every suggestion he had made as well as the suggestions he had not made on the chance that in his inexperience he had missed something.

It looked pretty good. You didn’t tell him that though.

“Where did you say you came from again Mr…?”

“Baekhyun. I am Byun Baekhyun and I am yours now. You can use me however you like.” His wide smile had not so much as trembled since he’d brought the script back to you and the jovial attitude did not let up as he delivered to you one of the strangest, most ridiculous promises you’d ever received from anyone in your professional career.

You kept your face blank and ignored his eagerness. At least he was enthusiastic.

“Can you take this down to QC for final approval, Baekhyun…and do you have, like, a resume or something I can look at?”

He nodded with his eyes wide and he was digging through his bag for something. What he handed back to you was a tablet. The electronic kind that kept the little kids quiet at restaurants. His fingers tapped on the screen as he peered over your shoulder he brought up a picture in his photo gallery that seemed to be just a screen shot of his resume. He had to flip past various personal pictures as he did it and you did your best not to focus on any of it until he’d reached the one intended for you to see. There was nothing inappropriate from the looks of it. But it didn’t seem polite of you to snoop.

You did see some things though. Not that you were trying to see anything, but the picture right before the resume was one of him sitting in the driver’s seat of some fancy foreign car with a sweet smile on his face and a different color of hair that if you were being honest looked just as good, if not better than the blonde he had now.

“Sorry Noon—Uhh, Miss Manager, I don't have a printed copy on me but you can look at it there.” His hands were busy putting the paperwork carefully into a large white envelope so he could deliver it all to Quality Control and his head whipped back around with an afterthought for you, “You can just scroll to see the next page, okay?”

He was gone before you could answer him.

His resume showed promise. He’d graduated from an expensive Ivy League, of course, and had spent a few years abroad on various internships, no doubt landed with the ease of his family’s connections in the industry. You’d reached the end of the first page feeling somewhat hopeful that this time your new assistant would prove himself to be quite useful to you for however long he stayed in such a bottom level position. He would probably last no longer than a half a year before he rocketed to the top of the chain of command. The next page had various awards and honors achieved throughout his education and you glanced at the dates that he attended school, cursing your ability to do some quick mental math to guess his age.

He was young. A good amount of years younger than you, that was certain. Of course he was young, his skin still had traces of that smooth soft baby fat in his cheeks. Your finger scrolled back to the first page of his resume and with your fingertip still connected to the glass you allowed the picture to backtrack just a little, so the edges of the image of him smiling behind the steering wheel of that car showed just a little.

You had no business doing this. What were you thinking? You were just some delusional old lady thankful that she had an extra five minutes to her own thoughts thanks to her brand new assistant’s skills with a red pen. You quickly swiped away, back to the safety of the approved viewing material. Page one of Byun Baekhuun’s resume. You swiped again, a little too forceful for this tablet and page two quickly filled your screen. Perhaps the third swipe you made was out of spite but you gasped out loud when the next image in his picture gallery filled the screen of the tablet completely.

A wave of panic filled you and you quickly raced to undo what you had just done, what you had just seen.

You went back. It wasn’t enough.

You went back again, desperate for what you had just seen to be erased from your memory, but no matter how long you stared at the words on that screen, no matter how forcefully you exited out of the gallery entirely, closing the whole thing up and then finally giving up, locking the tablet and putting it to sleep, that image crept back up again and again and again.

Soon the desperation turned to bargaining. And bargaining turned to acceptance. It was normal really for a woman like you, a single, lonely, overworked woman like you to have this sort of reaction to accidentally seeing an attractive shirtless man standing poolside with the sun at his back and wetness glistening over his skin and broad chest and abs and other various well defined, firm, manly muscles.

Anger followed next. You were pretty sure you were going in the wrong order here, but how dare he put that picture in his tablet and just tell you to scroll. It was so easy for him to say it too as if he wanted you to find the picture and admire the time and work he put into building all of those muscles in his body. What if you had been caught in a trap. What if this was some sort of a test by HR to see if you needed to be sent to sensitivity training for sexual predators. What if there was a tracking device on that picture and there was now a blaring nipple warning happening in some control room upstairs.

A soft and pleasant ding interrupted your thoughts and you had a message waiting from Dami in the QC department. Baekhyun must have delivered the package by now. A quick glance at the clock on your computer told you that he had been gone for some time now and you half wondered if perhaps he had gotten lost on his way back.

“Oh my god. WHO. WAS. THAT?!!!??”

“I take it you got the revisions — please be quick, I’ve had 1st AD breathing down my neck all morning.”

“Gotcha. You made some interesting choices with this but I'm into it. What was wrong with those seashells?”

“Vulgar slang, censored in the Brazil market.”

“Ohh-la-la, great catch! This is why you’re the best.”

Her latest message stared back at you as your fingers refused to type a response. The last thing you wanted was to accept someone else’s work as your own, but you also really want to spend too much time on this distracting conversation that was keeping you and her both from your work. A simple emoji would do the trick. A smiley face, or a rolled eyes emoji maybe. Something that didn't exactly make claims to the potential slip up that Baekhyun caught on his first upside down glance at the script that you somehow missed even after looking over it twenty times.

Maybe you needed to brush up on your international slang terms for various sexual acts and their involved genitalia.

“My new assistant, Baekhyun, caught that one.” The long pause between her misdirected compliment and your delayed confession made you feel just a little bit guilty for any potential misunderstandings you might have opened yourself up to.

“Even his name is pretty.”

[She should see his muscles] an uninvited guest in the back of your brain whispered and you winced when it happened.

As soon as the thought crossed your mind you felt the shame of its aftermath course through you. That was the last thing you needed to be thinking about.

You didn't have much time to dwell on it because there was a sudden commotion outside of your office door. You heard the sound of someone’s shrill shouting, overdramatic screaming really and the telltale sounds of someone being thoroughly scolded. At the exact same time an alarm was sounding out on your phone telling you it was time to make it to your biweekly meeting with the directors and assistant directors upstairs. You quickly grabbed your laptop and calendar and made your way out of your door to see what in the world all of the fuss was about.

The carpet outside was littered with assorted papers and standing in the middle of the mess with his head hung down in shame was your assistant, looking sheepish and guilty. The source of the shrieking, as usual, was Carla, one of the less organized members of the translating team. You could see the now empty document tray sitting just at the edge of her desk and you imagined that she had set the whole thing precariously close to the edge again just tempting fate.

“What am I supposed to do with this now? This was my whole day’s work and you’ve made a huge mess of it all! Who even are you? Are you supposed to be in here?”

Baekhyun’s head dipped lower and his cheeks were bright pink as he was scolded again and again for bumping into her teetering tower and sending it crashing down to the ground, as you had seen happen around her desk at least once a week.

“Sorry, but I hardly even touched…” He was opening his mouth now, and as he began to protest what he thought was an unfair scolding you saw her lift up a rolled piece of paper and bonk him squarely on the top of his head with it.

You knew it was time to intervene and you cleared your throat noisily to make your presence known.

Carla’s hand with the rolled up paper dropped in an instant and her eyes widened as she looked at you in surprise.

“M…Manager, He…”

Baekhyun’s face whipped to look to you and you noted the apprehension in his eyes and the way he pulled his lips into the smallest pouty frown.

“Carla, why don't you and Emily work together on this? I know you’ve been working very hard all alone this week. Emily, let’s push back your workload to next week, hmm?” You pivoted to address the rest of your team as to not call attention to Carla alone.

“Everyone, let’s not stack everything on the edge of our desks. Let’s try and keep a clean workspace for everyone so accidents like this don't happen so often.”

You did your best to keep any bit of reproach out of your voice and it must have worked just enough to satisfy the easily excited girl because she closed up her mouth and flattened out her angry eyebrows with a small shrug.

You weren't above cleaning up a little mess here and there. As soon as you were done talking you dropped down to your knees and started gathering the papers up into a stack, the moment you moved, the rest of the team all dropped to their knees to do the same. Baekhyun was the first at your side, reaching for papers and pulling them out of your hands as you made neat stacks and he placed them carefully on the opposite side of Carla’s desk next to the partition, safe from literally anyone who might want to walk through this office.

“Baekhyun, I have a meeting upstairs, why don't you tag along so you can see what that’s like?”

“Yes ma’am,” he whispered beside you with a smile building on his face again and he moved quickly, keeping directly behind your steps as you moved down the hallway to the elevators.

“Noona, I’m so sorry about that earlier — I didn’t mean to cause trouble. I don't even know how it happened. All of a sudden she was just yelling at me. ”

“Manager, Baekhyun,” you corrected quickly as you stepped into the elevator first and he followed behind with a sheepish smile creeping up on his face. “And you didn't cause any trouble. You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time.”

“You were so cool though. You felt like a hostage negotiator, freeing me from my kidnapper. What did you think of my resume? Am I a man that meets your high standards?” His questions came in rapid succession one after another and you held your composure well at the mention of that damned resume of his.

That resume and those muscles.

“You’re smart and you seem capable enough,” and young and firm and handsome as all hell, “I’m sure you’ll do fine while you are here.”

You gripped your calendar in your fist and tapped it lightly against his belly. He grunted once and grabbed it with his free hands. “Pay attention to that. You’ll need to follow my schedule.”

He smiled and shone brightly in response with an energetic head nod and he spent most of the upstairs meeting leafing through your calendar, making small marks on certain dates and pulling out his cell phone to no doubt copy certain entries into his own phone calendar.

Baekhyun’s first day was eventful but he was very promising. The next days and weeks to come were interesting in a way you hesitated to define.

He proved himself valuable to you instantly. He was indeed smart and capable and had a sense about him that you hadn’t seen before in a coworker. Having him at your side not only made your own job infinitely easier, but you noticed your mood had lightened when he was around.

He was cheerful and funny and although you tried your absolute best not to encourage his jokes or god forbid, laugh at them, the first time you slipped and let a quick chuckle out over something stupid he’d said he looked at you with wide eyes and the proudest grin on his face. You had to instantly roll your eyes for damage control.

“That’s the first time I’ve ever made you laugh. Noona, admit it, you like me just a little bit.”

You’d given up on trying to break him of that nickname after the first week of him just ignoring your attempts. The first time you’d answered to it, you knew it was over. You’d screwed up.

And you just did it again with the laugh. He was holding something very important just out of your reach as he sometimes did when his mood grew playful and you had been doing your best not to kick him in the shins so he would drop the stupid thing that you just needed your final signature of approval so you could move on to the next thing that needed your immediate attention.

“I never said I didn’t like you, Baekhyun, this is work. We are working right now. If I miss this deadline that’s it for me and for you and for the entire department out there.”

“So when the project wraps you’ll have a drink with me and then you’ll laugh at all of my jokes? You promise?” He dropped the papers just enough for you to be able to touch the corner of them and you gripped them tightly, pulling them hard into your hands with a force that instantly made him let go. He knew the penalties of destroying something at the last minute and no amount of playfulness would make him risk having to run around re-gathering important person’s signatures with just one hour until shooting began.

It was what you needed and you signed quickly with a pen, passing them back into his arms with an urgency on your voice.

“Fine. Go. Now.” He was out the door without a second word. Of course he was playing about drinks with you. Of course he was playing with you about liking him just a little bit. This was just what he did and he didn't mean any of it at all. This guy was so far out of your league he had his own fan club.

He was very highly sought after by all of the young ladies in this office alone, and you had heard rumors of his popularity in the rest of the building.

Why wouldn't he be joking with you? It made no sense for you to take any of it seriously and you knew it deep down inside of you.

You made for a quick fluff in the mirror on your wall and a touch up of your makeup along with slipping on a classy professional jacket and the heels you kept in your office for situations that required you to look just a little more presentable than usual. You had another meeting to attend for an upcoming project. Something new and different that required you to meet with a whole new team of very important people to sell yourself and your team and their highly sought after skill set. You pressed the elevator button and caught a glimpse of your reflection in the shining silver elevator doors and just behind you saw the familiar bounce of his blonde hair as he rushed to your side to join you at this meeting. He was huffing and puffing from clearly running through the office to get back to you. You noticed the flush in his cheeks and what looked like dust on his jacket. His hair was just a little messy too. You always did your best not to look too closely at Baekhyun. The few times you did allow it your mind would wander into forbidden places and you noticed that it never took very long for him to catch you watching him.

He didn’t need to attend this one. It was more of a schmoozing event than any sort of technical planning meeting but the sight of his bright smile brought you a strange comfort so you didn’t send him away. Inside the elevator you noticed he was watching your face rather closely and when you turned to him in question he lifted a finger up to his lips and pointed.

“Your lipstick has a little smudge.”

Great. Just what you needed. You tried to look your best and just ended up a mess again. You reached up and rubbed lightly below your bottom lip and he shook his head and took a step closer to you and lifted his own hand to your face.

You froze and held your breath and you stared into his face in shock as the tip of his finger ran a path down the edge of your upper lip. He cocked his head to the side and his eyes slipped into your own for a split second and you were sure that you noticed his cheeks darken a shade. Had your own cheeks given you away so easily as well?

Baekhyun cleared his throat but he wasn’t done and he was no longer looking into your eyes as he did this. He made another, firmer pass of his index finger over the edge of your upper lip and you instinctively pulled your lips inward and squeezed them together, pretending as if you needed to spread your lipstick more instead of just getting away from his fingertips that touched you in this quiet and private place.

As you did it, he moved again. His hand lifted to run his fingertips along your temple, where you must have had an errant strand of hair that he slowly and carefully tucked behind your ear. You kept your breathing calm and steady and you kept your face impassive, but the racket inside of your own chest as your heart beat took on a life of its own was distracting and terribly concerning. You were a mess deep down inside. You were just so good at hiding it from him.

“There,” he whispered. “Beautiful,” he said even quieter, almost entirely under his breath just as the sound of elevator dinging made you jump with the sudden intrusion.

You were the first one out. You didn’t hear his footsteps behind you as you usually did and when you risked a quick glimpse behind you, you noticed he hadn’t yet left the elevator and his focus seemed distracted and lost.

“Baek,” you called and his eyes snapped back to life before the elevator doors closed on him. He shook his head lightly and took three big steps to take his place at your side. His smile was nowhere to be found and his eyes didn't quite meet yours and something about him made the air in this blasted hallway feel awkward and claggy and downright difficult to breathe in.

“Oh, I feel—,” you let out a breath through your pursed lips and whispered out loud to yourself as you placed a hand over your chest to calm your beating heart, “—-nervous,” you admitted in defeat, pausing outside of the heavy wooden doors.

“Because of the meeting?” A quiet question eked out in a familiar voice behind you and you refused to meet his eyes.

“Of course, why else?” You answered flatly and quickly but his reply did not come as quick. What came instead was a sharp inhale of breath pulled into the lungs of the man who stood behind you at this door.

“Right,” he said softly with a small exhale through his nose. “Why else.” He agreed out loud. You must have imagined just a hint of disappointment in that exhale. Of course you’d imagined it. It probably originated inside of your own head, really. Everyone knew you had no business feeling any sort of way about your assistant Byun Baekhyun. Whether it be disappointment; or heart flutterings; or attraction; or desire; all of it was off limits.

“Baekhyun, this is a very important meeting.” You inhaled slowly and deeply and stole a glance to your left where Baekhyun stood and you noticed he had what looked like an entire leaf stuck to the top of his head.

What?

The more you looked at him the messier he actually seemed and you knew that behind that door would be a multitude of very important, very rich people who held your future in their hands. People who very likely did not have dirt in their coats and leaves in their hair.

This would not do. There was an empty hallway near the stairwell at the end of the corridor. You’d often used that quiet space to regroup before these kinds of meetings. You knew there was a bench and a clock on the wall that did not tick as it’s big hands spun around its face. You reached for his arm and pulled him

“Why are you so messy? What happened to you?” You pulled him fast and he complied with rushed steps to the sanctuary of that quiet space and when you pushed at his shoulders, sending him down to sit in front of you on the bench, he did so with a soft grunt of surprise and zero resistance. Baekhyun never ever resisted anything from you. You’d overheard him downright arguing with some of the other staff members before but he took being your assistant quite seriously and treated even small requests from you as if they had been laws set in stone to follow.

He was just a little bit ridiculous but mostly he was just the best.

“Before, when I was getting signatures, the paper flew away in the wind and I had to chase it down. There was a bush…” You brushed at his coat with your fingertips, patting harder to get some of the dirt to fall off and you had to step closer to him to get at the leaves in his hair. There were two and they were small and dried and they crumbled into a million bits when you grabbed them, making you have to pull apart the strands of his blonde hair carefully to remove every last bit of them.

“…it flew under the bush in the courtyard and I had t-to…”

You knew you were leaning into him and he seemed to abruptly stop his explanations when you took another step placing your feet in the spaces around where his feet parted, you felt the roundness of his kneecap brush against the inside of your inner knee and he had gone completely still and his words quit entirely. The part of your brain where you kept your most incriminating secrets about him sounded alarms and warning bells. You ignored the cacophony in favor of this necessary task at hand.

It took some doing but you’d gotten all of the mess out of his hair. There was a small pile of broken and dried leaves sitting in the palm of your hand and you noticed some more dirt on the breast of his dark blue coat. It was a dark enough colored coat that the dirt would definitely show so you reached down with your empty hand, laying your palm over the spot, you tried to brush the dirt away. It didn’t budge as easily as you wished it would and a second pass with your hand, with more pressure seemed to work better.

It was almost done. He was nearly perfect again but when your hand returned for one more pass your mind’s alarms rang as you caught on to the firmness and the warmth you felt below his coat. the feeling of him inside of these clothes.

Your stupid intrusive thoughts that you did your best to keep at bay surged up again.

Baekhyun was silent and motionless. Baekhyun had done nothing to encourage this. Everything he had ever told you that might have sounded flirtatious was said in jest. He was joking. He was always joking with you, that was just his way. But he sure did joke a lot with you. You often found yourself confused and frustrated by him.

The dust was gone. He could go now. You could let him go. He was ready to face them.

“There,” you said in a soft whisper, beautiful you thought in secret. Your whisper felt an appropriate tone of voice for such a quiet and secluded hideaway such as this and you mustered up the nerve to remove your hand from his chest so you could throw this trash away and attend your damn meeting.

You rocked back on your feet, shifting your balance away from where he sat on this bench, introducing some distance between the two of you. Then you moved your hand away from his chest for a fraction of a second you no longer felt the warmth and the firmness of his body below your palm and you began to pivot on your heels, you began to turn away from him and extract yourself entirely from this fantastical and impossible situation you had been entertaining inside of your own silly imagination. Only when you shifted so did he and rather than the warmth of his chest under the palm of your hand you felt the slow moving heat of his hand covering over the back of your own hand.

The sensation caught you off guard and you froze mid step, looking down to see it happening. You felt the smoothness of his fingertips tracing an achingly dizzying path up your wrist and higher until your entire hand had been covered completely by his.

You took another step away from him. This was strange. This was some sort of trick of your imagination again.

Your eyes sought out his eyes for answers only the look you saw in his expression did not give you any insight at all. He was watching you with a sort of detachment from this, from you; similar to the same look you’d seen from him in the elevator earlier. Similar to the look you’d seen from him many times over the course of the last few months of working closely with him.

You needed more answers than his face could give and when you took another step the grip he had on your hand tensed and he held on tighter and suddenly he was in motion as his thigh muscles tensed up and he stood on own two feet.

Your mind was consumed by confusion and uncertainty when his movements did not stop.

Baekhyun took a step into you, undoing the distance you had carefully and desperately put between your body and his body and out of the corner of your eye you caught movement in his other hand.

The fragments of seconds of time were insufficient to process any of this. If he was playing some sort of a trick, he was taking it too far for sure. Your heart was entirely too weak to take this kind of behavior from him.

Baekhyun’s hand lifted — he sought to touch the side of your face and at the same time, the distance between the two of you shrunk in an instant as he moved in. You watched on in surprise and in shock until every detail of Byun Baekhyun’s face blurred and you felt the warm wetness of his lips that landed over your own surprised ones.

He kissed you.

He had kissed you.

In this space, this quiet space that was once only yours, he had kissed you and you were frozen in this moment without even the ability to comprehend how this man could have done this, or why he had done this, or what, if anything at all was the punchline of this particular joke of his.

He had kissed you and he was still kissing you and your frozen reaction must have been what brought him to his senses.

He opened his eyes and his lips retreated just enough for him to pull back and look into your face. You made a sound. It was the smallest questioning hum from the back of your throat and you shook your head a microscopic amount to try and clear the static happening inside your brain.

“Uhh,” you finally managed and he had dropped his hold on your hand and closed his eyes up tight.

He looked to his left and then he looked to his right. Both spaces were empty. You were standing in front of him but he did not look at you.

His eyes closed up again and you saw him pull his lips in between his teeth and he bit down and exhaled a huff through his nose before pulling his expression into the smallest wince.

“Shit,” he whispered. He looked behind himself. He looked up at the ceiling and he looked down at the floor. He wasn’t actually looking anywhere but you knew for absolute certainty that he was not looking at you.

You swallowed away the dryness inside of your mouth at the sound of that tiny curse word and the unimaginably tiny sting you felt inside of your chest when you heard him say it.

This was okay.

This was fine.

It was just a mistake; a joke taken too far. He was silly by nature and you did not need to read anything into this little blunder of his. You definitely didn't want to make him feel bad about having made this mistake. Maybe this suffocating ache inside of your chest was the punchline. You could feel its tendrils creeping up inside.

Ha! Ha! Stupid old lady.

No. No, This was okay.

This was fine.

The clock on the wall called to you and you watched the minute hand join up with the hour hand as the two became one and it was 12 noon. It was time for both of you to be inside that meeting room instead of out here playing jokes on each other and instantly regretting it.

His gaze followed yours, touching upon that clock and understanding the task at hand and you stood straighter, fixed your skirt and jacket, made sure your button up blouse was still closed up tight, and you made a few steps toward the trash can to throw away the dried leaves from his hair and from what felt like ages ago and you heard his footsteps follow you down the hallway to enter the meeting room.

You did not hold the door open behind you and you did not listen carefully for the comforting sound of his footsteps behind you. When you opened the door to walk inside you did not do so with any regard for anyone else in the world — especially not for someone like Byun Baekhyun, who’s father’s name adorned the outside of this enormous building and even your paychecks. Especially not for Byun Baekhyun who had exactly three weeks left of his detail in the International Subbing Department before he moved on to QC or AD or wherever the hell he wanted to go when he left you.

[To Be Continued]

#life is good #I’m so happy #eeeeeeeeeeeeee #Astrid approved

297 notes · View notes

astroodledream · 9 months

Text

PSA to all my favourite authors on here ‼️‼️

to you, it's a shitty sentence. to some random bitch 500 miles away, it's a fire line that'll haunt them for the next 17 years.

you don't know how impactful your writing is because it's been in your brain for far too long now. you've stared at it for hours and repeated "this sucks" over and over again to the point that you killed your capacity to feel anything about your work.

but trust me, once you get your shit out there, someone's gonna go over that paragraph you hate and go "jesus fucking christ" and put the book down to have an existential crisis.

37K notes · View notes

astroodledream · 9 months

Text

How can something be so heartwarmingly sweet and hot at the same time LMAO

My body is confused but I’m so here for it🧍🏽‍♀️

flushed with fever

HHJ, LFX

Masterlist

wc: 3.6k

Requested

Synopsis: Toxic as it is, he can't help looking at you in a loving relationship and wishing it was him instead. He also can't stop looking at your boyfriend.

warnings: angst with an up-for-interpretation ending, suggestive, alcohol consumption, reader gets lightly shoved once but that's about it

God, Felix hated him. Felix doesn’t hate anyone, but he hates him. He hates his stupid nicely styled hair. He hates his stupid charming smile, hates how tall he was and how he knew he was always the most attractive one in the room– Hyunjin’s confidence was something Felix envied. Almost as much as he envied the fact that Hyunjin had you.

You, with that sweet perfume that he loved. You, with the little hop you did whenever you saw him. You, with your eyes that lit up every time Hyunjin even looked in your direction. Felix had been watching you fall deeper in love with his roommate for as long as he could remember. He felt so terrible every time he was around the two of you because of how jealous he was. No– jealousy is juvenile. What Felix felt was covetous, yearning, and insatiable all within the same breath that it took to say your name.

Out of all the times you’d hung out with Felix one on one, it had to be a group outing that sent him over the metaphorical edge. He didn’t even want to go, but you batted your pretty lashes at him and he couldn’t help melting on the spot. You jumped with joy when he said yes and even gave him a hug, Felix tried to brush off the affection but it was too hard to resist not embracing you back. “I’m excited! I feel like you never wanna hang out anymore,” you didn’t think anything of it as the words left your mouth– it made his blood boil for a second.

“I wanna hang out. With you.” A little more backhanded than he intended, but the point got across. You frowned, but quickly let it go in favor of lightly scratching the underside of his chin.

“You could always ask me to hang out, too y’know. You’re my best friend, aren’t you?”

Best friend. He hated that word almost as much as he hated Hyunjin. Okay– hate is a strong thing to say, moreso the idea of your boyfriend left a nasty taste in his mouth whenever he thought of him. But even with all those mixed emotions, he still cared for you more than anything. So Felix nodded and smiled and did as he always did to ease the pain.

He and Hyunjin were close, so his secret disdain for the other boy made him all the more conflicted inside. There was the fact that his older, raven haired friend was nothing but nice to him, Hyunjin took care of him and supported him in the same way Felix supported you. Felix understood why you fell for him no matter how much he tried to deny it. In another world, perhaps he would have tested those waters himself. That only begs a question he refused to confront.

It was your idea to arrive at your group’s gathering together, Felix automatically assumed that Hyunjin would be joining as well, so his early departure before you came was confusing. But you knocked on the front door an hour later with a bright smile and greeted him the way you always did. Felix just had to ask why your boyfriend left before you. “He’s helping Changbin set up. Something about a fire pit he can’t get started– as if Hyunjin knows anything about that,” you joked.

Maybe he was reading too much into it, but he didn’t dwell for long. You were here all for himself, at least for the time being. Felix let you in the house while he gathered up his stuff and you watched as he did so with a look he couldn’t quite read, sitting at the kitchen island with your hands perched in your palms and a furrow in your brow.

“What’re you thinking about?” He asked and came to pack the rest of his bag across the counter.

“You.”

The sudden admittance made his ears perk and immediately tint red. “And Hyunjin.” Felix’s cheeks suddenly felt hot. Was he sweating?

“How so?” He powered through his own flush to ask.

“What happened between you two?” Such an unexpected question really threw him off to the point his hands froze entirely as he stopped to look you dead in the face. It was like you were reading his mind, “are you mad at him?” He genuinely didn’t know what to say, that wasn’t how he thought this conversation was going to go. Even when Hyunjin wasn’t here, somehow he still is. “Sorry if I’m overstepping, but you’re the most important people to me.”

People. Not person– people.

“I would hate for you to be fighting over–”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he interrupted. The taken aback look you had made him regret the somewhat rude tone instantly. Backtracking, Felix continued, “everything’s okay. Did– did he mention… something? About me?”

“No, I just know you both. It’s weird.”

“Maybe ask your boyfriend then.” Another thing he immediately regretted saying.

You looked defeated for a second, deflating glow dimming with every passing moment because he couldn’t keep his emotions in check over a simple question. “Sorry,” was all you said.

Felix felt worse upon realizing that you really did take his words to heart. Logically, he knew you never did anything on purpose in regards to toying with his feelings seeing as you couldn’t have known about anything of the sort because he never told you. When he thinks of it that way, Felix drowns in the guilt because you couldn’t look at him now. You wanted the best for him, so why couldn't he want the same for you? Is it because he knows he could be better? Because he knows he should be the one you kiss goodnight and parade on your arm for all your friends to see? How he knows your your favorite drink to have after a hearty meal, or that you purposely avoid stepping on the cracks on the sidewalk because of a silly superstition, or that you sprint into bed after turning off the light out of fear of the something lurking in the darkness and you think the blanket is an impenetrable shield that keeps you safe. Logically, he knew this was all theoretical and that Hyunjin was just as capable of providing everything that Felix claims he could.

“Forget about it,” he perks up instantly and erases the souring words from his head. With a pat to your head, Felix skips around the counter to give you a quick hug from behind and has you laughing away the discomfort in seconds. His heart beats a little quicker.

By the time the two of you make it to Changbin’s place, most of your friends are already relaxing around the firepit that your boyfriend is attempting to keep alive and fiery. It’s a funny sight, even to Felix who laughed along with everyone as Hyunjin thought that pouring hand sanitizer into the fire would make it burn brighter because it contained alcohol.

“It says it kills 99% of germs! If it’s strong enough to do that then wouldn’t it mean it’s flammable?” His reasoning made you giggle into his shoulder and kiss his cheek, which in turn had Felix trudging over to the table of drinks and pouring himself something on the stronger side.

He winced as he downed the icky concoction and didn’t hear the footsteps approaching his side. “Alright?” Hyunjin had nudged his shoulder and began pouring something into two cups, Felix assumed one was for you.

“Not strong enough,” he joked dryly. Hyunjin chuckled and poured into Felix’s cup as well. “Trying to get me drunk?”

The older glanced at Felix with an unreadable smirk, “not from alcohol, no.”

Felix didn’t know how to take his roommate’s ominous demeanor, side eyeing him, then you still sat with everyone else. Hyunjin glanced at the blonde and raised his cup that suggested Felix do the same, the pair silently toasted and each took a sip of the much too strong elixir. As Hyunjin watched his friend grimace at the taste, he snuck a look over at you as well, his eyes growing wide in adoration when you met his gaze and smiled. But then you tracked your attention towards Felix, too, and that same look didn’t falter, not that the younger seemed to notice. Hyunjin understood the appeal, he looked at your best friend the same way you did, mouthwatering and glowing alongside the brightness of the fire. Leaning down to his ear, Hyunjin said just above a whisper, “don’t think too hard, yeah?”

Confused and slightly too distracted by your stare he’d now caught, Felix didn’t entirely register your boyfriend’s words until he’d already strutted away and was taking his seat beside you.

The night felt like a blur in a sense that he couldn’t really tell what time it was nor remember how many drinks he had consumed, all Felix knew was that he wasn’t drunk enough to be able to stand watching you running your fingers through Hyunjin’s pretty black hair while he leaned his head against your shoulder. That should’ve been him. It should’ve been him, not Hyunjin. Was that just the alcohol talking? Who cares– fuck Hyunjin and his stupid smile, fuck his stupidly attractive hands wrapped around your waist, fuck his intoxicating cologne he could still smell from earlier, and most of all, fuck you for choosing Hyunjin instead of him.

“Lix, why do you keep staring at Y/N?” Seungmin, seated across the firepit, threw a crumpled newspaper at him, gaining the attention of the entire group.

“He’s drunk on patron and love, obviously.” Minho, ever the instigator.

“I wish I was drunk,” Felix, who spoke more to himself than anyone, could feel all eyes on him as he raised his cup to his lips again. He didn’t want to, in fact he resisted every muscle in his body until he physically couldn’t do it anymore to keep from looking at you, keep from looking at Hyunjin.

It hurt to see you concerned for him as there was nothing to be concerned about. He was used to this downward spiral and keeping it hidden so that you wouldn’t have to ever worry about him– he knew you’d be upset about the stress-induced forehead wrinkles afterwards. Felix did his best to keep his head down towards the fire, but saw from the corner of his eye Hyunjin whispering in your ear, eyebrows also furrowed. You nodded, tapped his knee and stood.

Oh god, you were headed straight for him. Why did you have that look on your face? The same one you made when you saw a hurt puppy on a TV show. Why did you tip the rest of your drink in the bush? Weren’t you here to have a good time? Oh no, oh, please don’t smile at him, his bruised heart can’t take it.

You did more than smile at him, you kneeled beside his lawn chair and gently reached for the solo cup in his hand. Felix let you take it from him and pour the contents into the grass, the warmth of your touch already making him feel entirely immobilized. You kept his hand in yours, softly interlacing your fingers as your eyes widened upon looking up at his face. “How do you feel? Wanna go home?” Thumb tracing across the back of his hand was mind numbing and much too domestic.

“W– with you?” You laughed and tucked his hair behind his ear.

“Mhm, and Hyunjin.”

“Like… all three of us?”

“Sure. You live together, don’t you?” His chest deflated a little, stealing his hand back and standing abruptly with a wobble. You immediately followed and placed your hands on him to steady, but Felix pushed you away and made you stumble back into his chair.

“What the hell, Lix?” You snapped a little and the distress in your tone caused Hyunjin to appear almost out of thin air to help you to your feet again.

“What’s going on?” The older boy kept an arm around your waist as his free hand tried to keep Felix upright, but the blonde pushed him away, too.

Perhaps he really did have a bit too much to drink, but if that was the case, why was he entirely coherent of the words wanting to come out of his mouth? “I don’t want your help– either of you.”

You rose again after a second to regain your composure and stood tall before him. Felix’s attempt at intimidating you didn’t seem to work, moreso you were thrown off by his outburst, but not backing down. “Let’s go home,” you held your hand out again and waited. The rest of your friends had dispersed around the house and the only ones left around the firepit were Minho, a girl, and Jisung, none of whom were paying attention to the three of you. Felix couldn’t even find it in himself to be embarrassed about taking your hand after literally shoving you away, not an ounce of pride left for him to cling to.

Hyunjin held your other hand and led you all out of the house, only shouting a few goodbyes to get halfhearted ones in return from your preoccupied mates. The blonde kept his head down most of the ride home in the backseat of Hyunjin’s car whilst doing his best to ignore your shared conversation that seemed unaffected by the events that took place minutes ago. Felix enjoyed listening to you talk, he also liked the sound of Hyunjin’s voice. Acting like he didn’t want to be involved in the small talk was getting somewhat draining and eventually forgot to be sulky. He giggled quietly to himself as Hyunjin cracked jokes to make you laugh. Then the car parked, Felix found himself smiling when you opened the door for him, holding his hand once more the entire journey back into their apartment with Hyunjin keeping a light hand on his back as he followed closely behind.

Felix felt his eyes closing slowly the longer your warmth suffocated his skin, wishing it was the alcohol that made him feel that way. He didn’t feel remotely drunk now, high on you and your stupidly attractive boyfriend making Felix feel like he was royalty. Hands shrugged his coat off for him, led him into his bedroom so he could fall back onto the bed, and Felix giggled louder as he took you down with him. Hyunjin watched the pair of you with a heartwarming smile before excusing himself to his own bedroom.

Laying next to him made you feel lightheaded, which was strange because it wasn’t unusual for the two of you to be staring at his ceiling this way. You didn’t see the way he was looking at you, eyes full of something hopeful, fear, and a little bit of guilt. As calmly as he could without his heart beating out of his chest, Felix whispered, “I’m sorry. I was a jerk… You’re too kind to me.”

“Yeah, well, I kinda love you.”

It fell from your lips before you could think about it, or even consider the way he was still looking at you. His mouth parted in disbelief no matter how many times you’ve said those four words to him, but there were so many things running through him and his mind tonight.

One thing in particular, he couldn’t stop thinking about; your lips. How pretty and plump they looked, glossy but not sticky, and how badly he wanted to kiss them. Felix wanted to smother you in kisses constantly, but right now he wanted a burning, sensual kiss that made his whole body tingle. It wasn’t the alcohol, instead purely his insatiable need to feel you.

Felix leaned in, so slowly that you wouldn’t have noticed if you didn’t see Hyunjin return to the doorway and give you a slight nod with a smirk plastered across his face.

It was just a kiss, nothing more, nothing less, but Felix was so gentle and soft, only letting himself find a rhythm once he felt you kiss him back. Your lips molded together so good that it was impossible to get yourself to pull away even upon hearing Hyunjin step into the room. Your boyfriend chuckled quietly, “hey now,” his voice made Felix disconnect in an instant, rolling over to see the older boy falling to kneel by his bedside. “Don’t hog him for yourself.”

Felix’s head was spinning, looking between you and your dark haired boyfriend to make sure he was really experiencing this and it wasn’t a dream. He gave himself emotional whiplash paired with how quickly he sat up as Hyunjin came down beneath his eye level. You watched as your boyfriend glided his hand across the sheet to tenderly hold Felix’s. Hyunjin interlaced their fingers, “is this okay?”

Felix nodded shyly and his skin flushed a deeper red than it already had. You sat up as well, scooting closer to lightly press your chest to his back and rest your head on his shoulder. “You don’t have to choose, Lix. If you want us both, we’re yours.”

The blonde’s breathing became heavier as Hyunjin squeezed his hand and you placed a chaste kiss to his shoulder, backing away just a little. It was silent for a few moments as Felix processed what was happening. The effects of the alcohol were long worn off, he was running on adrenaline now and could feel his body being pumped full of it.

“Do you like when I hold your hand?” Hyunjin whispered, thumb caressing the top of the younger’s hand. Felix thought for a moment, focused solely on the feeling of Hyunjin’s skin and how much bigger the appendage was in comparison to his own. He more than liked it, but he also more than liked how it felt holding your hand.

He nodded again, just as timid. “I’d like to do it some more, if that’s alright with you.”

“It hurts a little,” Felix blurted out. Hyunjin pulled away immediately and stared into the blonde’s eyes with concern. “No! Not physically– I mean– yes, physically. But… emotionally, too? It’s like…” He thought a little deeper to try and explain the tingling sensation he felt all over. Hyunjin peaked over Felix’s shoulder at you as you came in close behind him again. You nod at your boyfriend with a sympathetic smile as Felix relaxes a little under the heat of your body surrounding him.

“...Like when you strum a song on the guitar for too long, a– and you stop but you can still feel the vibrations in your fingers even if they’re numb. It’s a really shitty song, too, but you just can’t get the melody out of your head.”

Hyunjin’s gaze softened and quietly reached for Felix’s hand again, he winced upon the touch until he realized that his hands were shaking. Your boyfriend’s larger one cupped over the youngers’ and the shaking stopped. Eyes not leaving his face, Hyunjin picked up his hand as delicately as he would a withered flower and brought the pads of his fingers to his lips. Your heart swelled feeling Felix’s own heartbeat speed up. “I didn’t know choosing was an option,” Felix admitted.

“You thought we wouldn’t notice?” You joked and brushed your fingers through the back of his hair, to which he leaned into.

“I hoped as much.”

“That’s adorable,” Hyunjin snagged his attention again and flipped his hand to place another peck to his palm. Goosebumps erupted over Felix’s skin and shivered in your hold. “Just so you know what all your options are,” Hyunjin reached for the blonde’s cheek, snaking it back through his hair until his fingers found yours and interlocked them, dragging your shared touch down his neck to rest on his shoulder and pull Felix in to meet his lips half way.

His entire body on fire, suffocating in Hyunjin’s scent while being submerged in the feeling of you, Felix didn’t know what to do with himself other than kiss back. But same as his kiss with you, nothing more, nothing less. Hyunjin’s lower lip was plumper than the top and was more than a delight to mesh against, while yours matched the thickness of his own and were pillowy soft.

As Hyunjin drew away, Felix chased after him for more that resonated a giggle out of you and the raven haired. “Don’t think too hard about it,” you murmur and wrap your arms around him to embrace tightly, “you’ll hurt your pretty head.”

Hyunjin leans in and kisses Felix’s warm, rosy cheek, then moves over his shoulder to sweetly give you a small smooch before standing. He moved towards the door but stopped to hold out his hand for you. You jumped to your feet and took it as Hyunjin spoke again, “if you don’t feel like thinking at all, you know where we’ll be.” He smirks at the blonde cheekily, whisking you away with shared laughter.

Before you could head too far down the hall, you slip from Hyunjin’s grasp to skip back to Felix’s room where he was still sitting in his stunned position. You were a bit too excited, rushing to push his shoulders so he could fall onto his back and you tower over him, engulfing him once again in a somehow innocent yet electrically charged few fiery presses of your lips together. He kissed you back and found the courage to grip your waist just seconds before you pulled away, both of you breathless. You smiled down at him triumphantly, “before I was so rudely interrupted.”

Words physically wouldn’t come out of his mouth, Felix stammered beneath your teasing gaze. When you climbed off him was the first time he thinks he breathed since coming home. As you scampered away with a shit-eating smirk, you called out, “the door will be unlocked!”

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#love love love this #it’s spicy but like heartwarming #Astrid approved

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