astrorat

[astrorat]

I don’t think I want to get high. I think I just want to fit in.

I feel so lame compared to all my friends. I’m too weak. I’m too soft. I’m not good enough for any of them, I’m lame, unfunny, and just sort of weird.

Maybe it’s true. Maybe it isn’t. I just wish I had some more flavor in my personality. That I actually mattered to a group. But I don’t. I can be replaced easily. Left behind easier.

[astrorat]

It’s a vent blog. So- here’s my first vent. Ripping the bandaid off on this one. But I don’t care, I’m not here for followers I’m just here to vent into something thats not google docs or apple notes.

In 9th grade. A person spread rumors about me. And people started to see me as some edgy creep. I didn’t defend myself because one: I didn’t know what was happening, and 2: I was essentially a mute at the time. But I had a small group of friends. Well In 10th grade, they all made sure to make me feel like I didn’t belong. Because that person was at the time the de facto leader of the group, so I was pushed out. I became a loner. Because everyone thought I was this weird, Creepy, est, pudgy, Quiet kid. Which, at the time, I had been told so much, that I almost agreed with it. And I blew up at that person who spread the rumors when they told me to shut up, one of the few times I opened my mouth. Then they spread a viscous rumor I had threatened some not good things. And I broke down. Because Everyone I had thought was my friend wasn’t. They thought I was a violent creep now. So I almost dropped out of Highschool. I dropped out of drama class. And then covid happened. And there was nobody for 2 years. And the first half of this year was pretty much that. Until December. When people finally texted me again, saying sorry. But in all honesty, I still don’t exactly trust those people. Or really anyone. But I realized two things when all that happened: One: Never hurt another living being. Ever. And Two: Never make anyone uncomfortable. Ever. Accommodate for them always.