astrostarfan

[astrostarfan]

The understanding of reality

Why do I feel sometimes the universe is against me? Why do I always think that all is lost and that there is no recovery whatsoever? Perhaps my mind is thinking too deeply about situations that can be an easy fix. I realise after my encounter with the breakdown event it occurred to me some people (not all) have a certain type of traits that’s unpredictable at best. I myself learned and experienced this the hard way and eventually paid the ultimate price. At best I wish I could have only known at the beginning and it’s because of my actions I believe it had led to this outcome, do I regret my actions? Yes and no.

My only regret would be had I thought carefully about my actions perhaps the outcome would have been different but nevertheless it may not have proven otherwise. I was only trying to be of a good character to others and show that I am a genuine kind and respectful human being but some people don’t see people in that sort of approach and I find it difficult and interesting to believe there are people with certain standards like that.

I find in this reality we live in there are some odd people that we encounter and even though some you may feel like as if you found the one person you were meant to find they turn out to be the complete opposite and becomes your worst nightmare after their true personality is exposed and you become a victim to their hatred towards you. As if I thought one individual was awful enough then comes another but this one played the game slowly and carefully until their real motive was revealed.

If I could go back and relive that one crucial moment to change the outcome perhaps it could have made me feel responsible and caring towards her. However, once it happens it becomes difficult or near impossible to change the outcome and sometimes the best possible solution is to “move on” so that you can numb your pain and forget about this encounter.

To all the people out there be careful what you wish for even if it seems too good to be true because you never know what you get yourself into even when you think all is perfect.

[astrostarfan]

Friendship breakdown

I like to begin firstly by saying friendships are difficult to maintain at times, they can be challenging and other times toxic if that person becomes your burden. 

I recently encountered a similar situation about an individual whom she had led me to believe that our friendship was genuine and that we had a strong bond since we met at work. Suddenly within the space of a few weeks we bonded, and it felt like this friendship was too good to be true. She was always calling me her “best friend or bestie” at work in front of hundreds of people as a reference to me being her best friend and also constantly hugging me every time we saw each other whether it was at work or outside. We constantly messaged and called each other almost every single day during my time working there. She always had this sense of humour and always wanting to gossip about everything from work related issues to her own personal life problems etc. However, things suddenly turned within a month when she decided to introduce me to her parents and suddenly, I began to notice something didn't add up. I had felt somewhat surprised that she would go to such length as to introduce me to her parents as if I was her potential future boyfriend and wanted to see if they would approve of me. At the beginning it seemed fine and then they decided to buy me lunch and invite me over to their house for dinner and even given me a farewell gift when I said I was leaving my job and heading overseas to live and start a new journey. At this point I started to feel confused because despite we were good friends, I didn't expect her parents to have gone great lengths as to give me a gift since we didn’t know each other very well.

Now going back to when I informed her that I was leaving for overseas, a few months prior she was starting to feel sad and a bit devastated that her “best friend” was leaving her to move overseas to start a new life. I could see she was going to be sad that I was leaving her, but I was chasing my dreams to find my career elsewhere and I thought going overseas would be the start of a new adventure. It turns out her true self was exposed a few months after I left and she wasn’t the person I thought she was! Turns out after I left she decided that I was nothing but trash to her and what I mean by trash is that during the time I was working with her I was considered as property meaning I was extremely valuable to her and once I had left she would forget me and considers me as trash where I’m longer valuable to her friendship anymore and all I am to her was junk. 

I had found out about this after when this coronavirus pandemic occurred, and I had messaged her a few times prior to this breakdown friendship occurred. One part of this story I forgot to mention was that I slowly developed a crush on her prior to me leaving my job back home and she realised it and didn’t say anything in return which I was surprised to see but I didn’t really think too deep about this because knowing I was leaving home permanently. It turns out once the pandemic became a serious concern I had no other choice but to come home 4 months later and that’s when I informed her I was coming home and hope that once this pandemic was over I could see her again, but to my shock she came out bluntly said “I don’t want you to come home, stay where you are because I don’t want you to give me the virus”. To my shock and surprise, I couldn’t believe she would say these words and then I finally realised that this person was using me the entire time I was with her calling me her bestie in public and always wants my attention. During my time whilst I was overseas I messaged her a few times to see how she was doing but she felt somewhat threatened or anxious to hear from me even though I was just looking out for her as a good friend would but I guess people either drift away during time away or their personality suddenly changed for the worst. I slowly began to realise that this person was nothing but a soft sociopath who just wanted me to believe everything was real and that after when I left, I became a nobody to her and that’s all it was. 

I received a message a few days ago from her and she told me the truth saying that she told me to give her space a few months ago and that I had given her anxiety problems when I'm around her. Firstly, she never mentioned this at all a few months ago when she messaged me back and it was all but a lie and secondly, I messaged her a few times because I just wanted to check up on her and see how she was doing because that’s what good friends do for each other. She, however didn’t see it that way and forced to explain that it would be greatly appreciated if you didn’t visit me at work or come to my house since she invited me over before I left her. 

I mean to my knowledge I had become a bit suspicious about her behaviour when she started calling me “bestie” at work and also when we are messaging each other, because I'm sure to many people that if you are best friends with someone it doesn’t mean you have to call them your best friend all the time and have to show your charm and kindness in front of each other. For me, a best friend is someone who is caring and supportive to one another. It doesn’t mean just because you are their best friend that you have to call them your best friend. NO!! Best friend doesn’t mean the other person has to hear you are their best friend. 

My dearest best friend whom I've known for 9 years to this day is still my best friend but we would never ever call each other best friend or expressions such as “Hello best friend or hi bestie” because we don’t treat each other as if we have to prove we are best friends every day, we are there for one another and we help, support and encourage each other. That’s what a best friend is there for, it’s not about who you tell as your best friend it’s about how to treat them as your best friend.

I hope this story will help many others who have experienced similar situations to what I had to endure and hope you can learn and don’t have to go through what I did.

#truefriendsarehardtocomeby #friendshipheartache