azx2jokes

[azx2jokes]

The little boy had a cunning plan to get his Christmas present

A little boy wanted a bicycle for Christmas.

His mother said she didn’t have enough money to buy him a new bike but suggested that if he wrote to Jesus promising to be a good boy in the future, then maybe Jesus might be willing to get him one.

So the boy started writing out a letter. ‘Dear Jesus, I promise to be good for one year…’ He then crossed it out and wrote: ‘Dear Jesus, I promise to be good for one month.’

Still he wasn’t happy, so he crossed it out and wrote: ‘Dear Jesus, I promise to be good for one week.’ His head in a spin, he tore up the paper and went for a walk.

As he passed the local church, he noticed a nativity scene. When nobody was looking, he grabbed the figure of Mary, hid it under his coat and ran home.

There he composed a new letter. ‘Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…’

[azx2jokes]

An American, Brit, and an Aussie are about to get executed in Russia

An American, Brit, and an Aussie are about to get executed in Russia.

The executioner approaches the American prisoner and says, “How would you like to die? By firing squad, hung by the neck, or on the electric Chair?”

“I’ll take the chair” the American says.

So he gets strapped into the electric chair.

When they flip the switch, nothing happens! In Mother Russia, such an act of divine intervention means you get released.

As the American prisoner is being led away he passes the Brit, who’s getting pulled up next, he whispers to him, “The electric chair isn’t working!”

The executioner approaches the British man and says, “How would you like to die? By firing squad, hung by the neck, or on the electric Chair?”

“I’ll take the chair.” the Brit says.

So he gets strapped into the electric chair.

When they flip the switch, nothing happens! And he also gets released.

As the British prisoner passes the Aussie who’s getting pulled up next, he also whispers, “The electric chair isn’t working!”

The executioner approaches the Aussie man and says, “How would you like to die? By firing squad, hung by the neck, or on the electric Chair?”

“Well crikey, mate! The electric chair isn’t working, so firing squad I guess!”

[azx2jokes]

God reveals the difference between women and men

God was just about done creating humans. He was feeling pretty satisfied with his work, but he had two parts left over.

He couldn’t decide how to split them between Adam and Eve, so he thought he might just as well ask them.

“I’ve got two things for you, but you’ll have to decide who gets what. The first thing is the ability to pee standing up…”

Adam interrupted, “Oh please give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!”

On and on he went like an excited little boy, bouncing up and down.

Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it.

So God gave Adam the ability to pee standing up.

Adam was so excited that he just started whizzing all over the place – first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he ‘did the helicopter’ with his thing.

“Look Eve, I’m a sprinkler!”

God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, “Well, I guess you’re kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.”

Eve asked, “What’s that?”

God said, “Brains.”

[azx2jokes]

Clean Joke

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Good Joke

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[azx2jokes]

Funny Joke

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