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Doctor Who | 1.09 - "The Empty Child"

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Time Travel is my favourite trope and I think we need more fics where both Obi-Wan AND Qui-Gon time travel together because no matter when they get sent it's chaos. They're saving the galaxy and being physic flash-bangs to everyone around them.

like before Bandomeer?

The entire council is baffled to watch as Qui-Gon 'never taking a padawan again' Jinn has suddenly cut off his post-Xanatos depression tour to return to the temple and beeline to the creche with a frantic energy. His wild eyes immediately single out a fluffy, red-haired initiate.

"You." he exhales with a pointed finger, slightly ominous as he towers over the child. Said child starts vibrating with delight. "Me." he agrees, launching himself at the man. Qui-Gon drops to his knees with a thud that cannot be healthy. Obi-Wan's attempts to clamber into Qui-Gon's robes and maybe onto his shoulders is thwarted by the fact that Qui-Gon's massive hands are cupping Obi-Wan's tiny squishy cheeks. He stares at the initiate for a few minutes with an intensity that is starting to worry people.

Finally, "You're so small." Qui-Gon sounds like he might cry.

'What the fuck?' Plo Koon projects at Mace.

"I'm 9! That tends to be the case!" the child chirps back.

"You're nine." Oh. Ah. Qui-Gon's eyes are distinctively misty. He squishes the boy in a hug so hard he squeaks. Mace makes a series of gestures that imply the need for a head-scan. Depa obligingly drifts off towards the halls. Qui-Gon scoops the child up onto his hip and claims him as his padawan on the spot. The assorted council members and creche-masters burst into noise. Mace tells Depa to bring some space ibuprofen as well.

after Naboo?

Anakin is a little apprehensive of his place in both the order and Obi-Wan's life, but then one day Obi-Wan wakes up and is suddenly a lot less sad in the force?? In fact, if Anakin didn't know better he'd say he was almost giddy, but he's watched Obi-Wan try to pretend his world hasn't fallen apart for the past few months so it can't be that, right? And um, Miss Bant? He knows grief is a funny thing that affects people differently but he's pretty sure 'massive mood swing' and 'having full conversations with invisible people' is not...great? and you said to tell you if Obi-Wan got really weird in any way.

Anyway after a lot of medical exams, intense consultation with the archives, and a couple exorcisms, Anakin ends up being raised by his 'real' master and his ghost master. He is far more well adjusted emotionally and far less well adjusted for what counts as normal people behavior(not talking to thin air). When questioned on this, all he ever says is that he's talking to Qui-Gon. Isn't he...dead? Well, yes. Wait, he's a ghost? Ghosts are real? ...Well this ghost is real.

This starts a great number of existential crises among non-force sensitives and incredibly heated theological arguments amongst the Jedi. Whenever Obi-Wan is questioned on this, all he ever says is some variation of "the force got to know him for 5 seconds and kicked him back out." Mace backs him up on this even though that reasoning is technically blasphemous. Qui-Gon is having the time of his un-life. He's ascended to his final form, his sheer existence is a heresy, this is truly all he has ever aspired towards.

the Clone Wars?

The minute they get dropped back Qui-Gon immediately goes and haunts the shit out of Dooku. They have a signed terms of surrender and promise of info on the Sith Lord within the year. Only half of it is because Qui-Gon's giving Dooku complexes that are only perceptible to shrimp, the other half is because they now have a ghost spy that is not bound by the laws of physics nor spacetime.

Obi-Wan only nominally pays attention to this as he immediately goes and implements his 19 step seduction plan with Cody (he had to focus on something on Tatooine to pass the time). It fails. Spectacularly. Publicly. Ah right. Tatooine was not exactly the height of his sanity. Everyone in the GAR and temple is now riveted by High General and Councilor Obi-Wan Kenobi's attempts to go on a date with his Commander, who bats him away him like a particularly annoying stray and seems one bouquet of cactus away from committing mutiny. Anakin is worrying if it means his master knows about his secret marriage and this is some sort of really weird power play. (It is, but not in the way he thinks)

The next time Dooku goes after Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon spends a good few months appearing tear-stained at the edge of Dooku's perception and only communicating in terrible wails and discordant mutterings of 'padawan. my padawan. my little one.' 24/7.

"Wait, you're annoying Dooku into surrendering?"

"Oh no Anakin, we're crushing his psyche like a bug. :)"

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Guys I joke a lot about scenarios where the clones get de-aged because Force Shenanigans, but I bring you an even better (and much funnier) idea!

AU where during the battle on Geonosis when Mace goes to behead Jango (by some kind of anomaly), contact with the lightsaber's plasma energy conduit channels the necessary amount of Mace's connection to the Force to mess something up weirdly and Jango ends up de-aged into a toddler (no older than 4 maybe?).

Now, Mace was expecting to have the flying and blaster-wielding Mandalorian menace dealt with for good when he swung his lightsaber. He did not expect a grown-ass man to vanish into thin air and be replaced by a small child that is swimming in both a flight suit and beskar he can barely lift. So Master Windu is just standing there, absolutely dumbstruck, staring at this newfound problem. To top it all off Boba still witnessed all of this transpire, and comes running over because what the hell just happened and why is his Buir an Adiik? What did this kriffing Jetii bastard do to him?? He didn't even know Jetii could cast curses???

Jedi Master and young boy just kinda stare at the toddler that's trying to squirm out of an adult sized flight suit, stare at each other in mutual confusion, and then back at the toddler that's now squealing in distress because the Mandalorian helmet obstructing his view is way too heavy for him to shake off.

Obviously Mace is now very aware that there are two unattended minors (one of which just moments ago was flying about trying to kill him before losing several years of his life to Force bullhonky) in the middle of an active battlefield, and he can't in good conscience leave them there where they might meet their terrible and painful demise, so he just kinda carries Jango under one arm while carrying a very unhappy Boba over his shoulder.

He doesn't know what he's gonna do about these two, but right now the important part is making sure all three of them don't get killed in the confusion... Then later Mace will figure out what the hell is going on.

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Why is it always an “ancient sith artifact” causing the time travel/body swap/deaging shenanigans? why not ancient Jedi artifact?

Younglings running up to Jocasta like “Someone just touched the Rock That Turns You Into A Tooka again”

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I think Qui-Gon would lie and say his 25yo padawan was only 16 if a politician flirted with Obi-Wan. That is not allowed he’s an infant!!!

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Anakin and Obi-Wan is unstoppable force vs immoveable object

Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon is immoveable object vs immoveable object

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APLAP (Assigned Pathetic Lifeform at Padawanship)

New padawan Obi-Wan trying to figure out how the FUCK to make his master listen and not abandon him to go running off following "the will of the force" when it hits him. Qui-Gon is perfectly happy stopping and taking care of pathetic life forms, but not Obi-Wan. That's it. He's always been prepared, always been dutiful, strong, self-sufficient.

He's cracked the code. He needs to be more pathetic.

The next time he senses Qui-Gon's about to run off he coordinates a scene of utmost pathetic-ness, that is, he throws himself into the nearest fountain. He trudges up to his master sopping wet, water-logged robes swallowing him, with hair sticking to his face and containing bits of algae from the fountain. He mumbles out an apology for being clumsy before looking up at Qui-Gon with the biggest, most woeful eyes possible to ask if he happened to bring any spare robes (he didn't, Obi-Wan knows this because he is usually the one to pack spare robes for them both). His wet hair is dripping water into his eyes that's beginning to turn them an irritated red, and there's algae sliding down the side of his face, it really is masterful work.

"Oh...I'm sure I'll be able to find something by myself, it's okay Master, I know you had important work to do."

Qui-Gon visibly hesitates. Obi-Wan starts shivering. He turns to walk away. He's stopped by his Master's hand on his shoulder. His Master, who walks back with him, who gets clean clothes from their hosts, who has folded like wet flimsi and even explains his stupid, stupid plan before choosing to hotwire a hoverbike with a passenger seat! Oh, Obi-Wan really has cracked the code!

Afterwards, Obi-Wan stages an increasingly pitiful accident for himself every time his patented 'Qui-Gon Jinn Bullshit' detector goes off. Eventually, his Master stops leaving him behind at all, even giving him funny looks when he turns around and Obi-Wan isn’t next to him. It never fails to make Obi-Wan grin and run to catch up. Sure, his reputation as a perfect padawan is in tatters, alongside his dignity, but it’s a small price to pay for a place at his Master’s side, for him to remember there’s a place for Obi-Wan there.

When the ray shields come up on Naboo, Qui-Gon doesn't charge ahead and leave his padawan behind, he hasn't for years. He waits for Obi-Wan because it feels wrong to do otherwise, his padawan belongs at his side.

Much, much later, when Obi-Wan is drinking to the end of the war with friends, Commander Cress will ask him how he kept General Jinn from running off for entire decade. Obi-Wan laughs, informs him, and resolutely ignores the scene Quinlan is making as the man cackles and pulls up a book to shove at them both, titled Classical Conditioning 101: A guide to subtle psychological manipulation.

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there's a passage in the rots novelization from the pov of a senate guard that gets mind-tricked by obi-wan after o66 and the narration is all about how obi-wan seems to be such a reasonable, intelligent person. surely there's no reason to be unreasonable or rude about this.

and I have to wonder, is that universal? are all mind tricks "oh, well they're so sensible and they must be right" or does it depend on the personality of the Jedi themselves, do you think? a distinct flavor of mind trick for each one. maybe Obi-Wan is oh so reasonable, and Quinlan is just so charming, and Ahsoka was just a harmless teenage girl, and Yoda is so wise and venerable, and Qui-gon is so friendly and comforting, and Mace just seems to know what he's talking about so well, and Luke is such a nice young man. they all seem trustworthy enough, don't they?

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found on: reddit

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master and his padawan

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Reverse unpopular opinion me: Qui-Gon :D

jess i saw you in my ask box and immediately panicked you were going to send me lene. god BLESS QUI GON (sentences i never thought i'd say)

anyways, for all the shit i give him, qui gon is really pretty cool! not to reduce him to his relationships but his position in the disaster lineage -- precious late space hippie son to The Treacherous Count Dooku and dad so rebellious his son followed the rules to rebel to obi??? INCREDIBLE. he's also just such a fascinating figure from a meta-fandom perspective -- like, is he Perfect Jedi (Which Is Good) or Perfect Jedi (Which Is Bad Because Jedi Bad) or Worst Jedi (But That Makes Him The Best Because The Jedi Are Evil) or Worst Jedi (Which Makes Him The Worst Because The Jedi Are Cool)? i'll see all of those takes, regularly, and everything in between. he's one of Those Characters, but not one where the question is "can they be redeemed" which means the worst thing anyone implies about his mental health is that he's a stoner and i don't have to see anyone arguing about what it means to be a psychopath, god bless.

but my proper favorite thing about him is that he delivers some of my favorite philosophy quotes in m&a:

“It matters," Qui-Gon said quietly. "It matters which side we choose. Even if there will never be more light than darkness. Even if there can be no more joy in the galaxy than there is pain. For every action we undertake, for every word we speak, for every life we touch - it matters. I don't turn toward the light because it means someday I'll 'win' some sort of cosmic game. I turn toward it because it is the light.”

and another:

"Yes I have [touched darkness]. No doubt I will again. This isn't a choice we make once and walk away from. It's the work of a lifetime.”

and i believe obi is the one who actually says this but he attributes it to qui so:

“People are more than their worst act. And they are also more than the worst thing ever done to them.”

and this one is less Deep And Meaningful but it is so funny and god i should read m&a (after i EVENTUALLY finishing the cursed book lb)

This all sounded very lofty when Qui-Gon said it, but in actuality it meant things like, It’s okay to “borrow” a spaceship from criminals if you really need it, or If I can win this tribe’s independence in a game of chance, then it’s worth selling my Padawan’s best robe for chips to get into the game.

so really, i don't agree with everything in qui gon's philosophy, or with all of his choices, but some of it here? absolute bangers.

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@dovahcaine

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Obi-Wan Kenobi: Why does it have to get dark so early?! Qui-Gon Jinn: Obi-Wan, you're getting angry at nature. Celestial forces beyond control. The passage of time and the changing of years. Obi-Wan Kenobi: It just feels unnecessary.

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Still not over Obi-Wan sensing the downfall of the Republic in Ep. 1 and Qui-Gon telling him to focus on the present lmao.

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All Anakin ever wanted, was to help. All the times (that I caught) Anakin helping people. Long post, buckle up. I have feelings about the prequels.

Anakin casually helps and saves JarJar, with bitey remarks. 100% in character.

Don't go to your ship new friends, I can help you get shelter.

Hobby project for Mom? Sure thing!

Let us share our meager resources with all of you, basically strangers. It's a Skywalker thing.

Let me casually risk my life for you please!

I will never be over these two. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Rushing to help.

Please, let me do your job for you.

Not technically helping, but diffusing her anxiety with a bit of humor.

Gentleman vibes.

Mom's in trouble :(

He just can't help himself, can he?

THE couple everyone. A very, like attracts like situation.

Oh hi Master, we're here to help you.

Good job.

Nevermind me, I'm dying here. Oh, Obi-Wan's in trouble?

Always there to lend a hand. (Too soon?)

His first impulse. Always.

Obi-Wan: "Anakin, the mission, leave me." Anakin: "Lol, no."

You heard him.

Bonus, because, well.

It's a habit at this point.

Oh sweetlings, it will be your undoing.

Find part two here!

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Obi-Wan: Master! I have had it up to here with your bullshit plans! >:(

Qui-Gon, looking down at him: ...Well, that's not very high

*muffled sounds of padawan on master violence*