barely-living-wizard-apprentice

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

unavoidable that you will be the villain in someone else's story. You will be painted in an unfavorable light. You will be the irredeemable one. and all of this will happen despite how nice you might usually be or how kind or how respectful or how warm. and you will just have to move on.

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

By autumnalwood

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

Not all heroes wear capes

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

Fascism sells a synthetic nostalgia.

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

You, a heroic paladin have successfully slain a fearsome dragon. But the dragon warns you that death is but a door, and dragons don’t die, they reincarnate. You paid it no mind….until your son was born with golden, slitted eyes.

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

you came back wrong and i am racked with guilt because i cannot bear to see you like this and i should have let you rest. i loved you so much that i defied death itself but i do not think either of us are happy

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

i want 60 thousand votes by next thursday

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

americans, canadians, etc are so unfathomably lucky how few actual attacks on their state on their soil have actually happened given the decades of aggression towards virtually everyone. any and all “jokes” about ww3 from the west are spitting in the face of the reality of peoples who have lived in a constant warzone their entire lives, and the lives before them. may you get what you deserve.

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

i hate when i send someone a meme in another language and they're like "uhm... translate? 😒" fucker i sent you a meme where 90% of the words have an english cognate and/or you don't need to know what they're saying to find it funny. can you at least TRY

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

cut off a wizard in traffic and now i age in dog years

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

Things that work in fiction but not real life

torture getting reliable information out of people

knocking someone out to harmlessly incapacitate them for like an hour

jumping into water from staggering heights and surviving the fall completely intact

calling the police to deescalate a situation

rafting your way off a desert island

correctly profiling total strangers based on vibes

effectively operating every computer by typing and nothing else

ripping an IV out of your arm without consequences

heterosexual cowboy

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

WIZARD COUNCIL 2024 BANNED SPELL LIST

Greater Breakfast Storm

Menthol Torrent

Fireball By Mail

Taylor's Swift Execution

Duplicate Crying Fire Skull

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

[barely-living-wizard-apprentice]

Fuck Israel and fuck everyone who still wants to pretend this is confusing or complicated. Is it really that hard to point out the "bad people" in a scenario where a multi-billion military apparatus is handcuffing and killing children and medical staff inside a fucking hospital?