basamparkar

[basamparkar]

Democracy under threat!

I wanted to keep myself away from commenting on this incident. But the overwhelming number of messages, links and videos I have received on my social networking accounts made me speak up. And not to forget a few messages I have received from my friends from across the border. What's surprising is the fact that majority of these 'well-wishers' haven't spoken to me in ages. They want me to see their humanitarian side, but I am not one to be fooled that easily.

Before I put forward my opinion, let me clarify that I have taken information from almost the same sources that others have, but I have also spent some time to validate this information. I may be wrong, but it is not intentional.

Coming to the topic in question.

The reason for the outrage in Kathua rape case was not because it happened in a religious place. It was because members of the Jammu Bar association prevented filing of the charge sheet and accused the Jammu police of mishandling the investigation. Also, certain political factions supported the accused and demanded a CBI inquiry into the incident, for reasons best known to them.

The accused were identified as per the investigation of crime branch of Jammu police. This investigation hasn't taken place in the last few days. It has been concluded months ago. This incident was taken up my the local media at the time it took place. This case is being fought on behalf of the victim's family by a lawyer who practices a religion different than the victim.

And many will be surprised to know, this incident took place in January 2018!

So why has all this surfaced now, all of a sudden? The whole mess started when our mainstream media took up this case as an opportunity, and social media outlets and IT cells from both major political parties added fuel to the fire. Local media in Jammu has been covering this case for months, our great national media channels realised it now. There you go! Need I say anything more?

Indian law prohibits disclosure of identity of a rape victim, that too involving a minor. Our media forgot the law. Quite convenient, isn't it?

Delhi High Court took suo motu cognisance of news reporting on the incident. It issued notices to various media houses, prohibiting them from disclosing the victim’s address and identity in any manner. Yet they continue to use names and pictures in their reporting.

The Supreme Court took suo motu cognisance of alleged efforts made by local lawyers to obstruct the filing of the chargesheet in the incident with the intention of derailing the police investigation. Yet they continue their agitation.

It's not that the police and judiciary are blind to this whole incident. They are doing their job. Let us also do ours!

Don't u guys get it? This whole incident has been given a religious and political flavour by our great media and political parties. I see hate comments on posts, fights erupting on social media groups and some animals justifying such acts. We are reacting and fighting exactly the way they want us to. They don't want us to move forward. They are influencing our views by engaging in systematic brainwashing.

Pappu is making sure Chai Wala doesn't move ahead and Chai Wala is making all attempts not to allow Pappu score a point. And we are all been made part of this great tamasha.

My humble appeal to all my friends and well-wishers. Stop this madness. It's not worth it. What has happened has happened, and I strongly condemn such incidents. But we can definitely stop making things worse. We can fight to compel the judiciary to frame stricter laws and punishment for such crimes. We can fight to stop media outlets from brainwashing us. We can fight to stop political parties from polarising our views. Let's not fight each other on the basis of religion and political views. This needs to stop. Now!

And please take display pictures off your social media accounts with the picture of the victim. It only helps the third party entities by making a quick buck and exposes your views and interests to the whole world (read media outlets and political parties). You will then be suggested to watch and read stuff on such and related topics. And there you go, you make life of people like Zuckerberg difficult by crying out for your privacy rights. Believe me, it doesn't help the victim and her family in any way.

If you really want to do something, then pray for the departed soul. Pray for her family to have strength and courage to get justice for their child. Pray they return to their home again. Let's all not remember the child for this incident, but for her innocence.

I am sorry. I apologise to all the victims and survivors of such heinous crimes. We couldn't protect your dignity and innocence. May your souls rest in peace and may you get strength to rebuild your lives.

There is good and there's also bad to everything. Let's support the good and criticise the bad done by our media and political parties. That's our duty as a democracy, isn't it?

We are the largest democracy in the world, and it is under threat. Let's all work together to make ours the greatest democracy as well.

United, we can make this possible. Divided, we will drag this democracy to unimaginable depths.

Sincerley,

A concerned Indian.

#justiceforall #makeindiagreatagain #saveourdemocracy #notobiasedmedia #independentjudiciary #fightforyourrights #cleanpolitics #thinkbeforeyoupost

PS: I am keeping the comments box open, only for positive and constructive comments. Hate comments will not be tolerated!

[basamparkar]

Thirty six and counting...

Wow! That was one hell of a year! And did it fly? No, it didn’t. It glided smoothly hour after hour, day after day, month after month. There were times it soared up high in the sky, and times it dived into the depth of the abyss. And once again, fortunately it was not stable, even though I expected it to be. And the reason I say it was fortunate is because, had it been stable, I wouldn’t have learned life’s valuable lessons.

It’s been almost a year since I wrote my last blog. Last week, I went through my old posts and realized what a moron I have been. I have been keeping myself away from doing something that I enjoy. So here I am, starting it again. And what could be a better day than today to get it going.

The thirty-sixth year of my life has come to an end. And to sum it up, it felt like I lived more than a year in the year gone by. The year started with a hope, followed by a lot of drama, misunderstanding, self-afflicted pain, broken relationships, self-realization and I have managed to end it with a dash of optimism and a surge of hope. Over all, the past year was not mind blowing. But I surely have learned a lot from what I have lived through and I am sharing few of those lessons with you all.

A couple years ago, I was introduced to the theory of law of attraction and the mystical concept of The Secret. Knowing the person that I am, I never believed in the theory because it opposed the fundamental principles of life, divinity and existence. Yet, I chose to try it out, with sincerity and devotion. Who doesn’t like to have good things happening in one’s life? And not to my surprise, it turned out to be a dud like it was supposed to. And here’s my first lesson from the year gone by - No matter what religion or faith you practice, never introduce a third party between yourself and The Almighty. Just thinking about something doesn’t make it happen. Having negative thoughts doesn’t bring negativity into your life or vice-versa. Forget the positives, why would any sensible person attract any kind of negativity in his or her life? These theories of attraction, affirmation, manifestation and healing are nothing but the invention of a few smart heads who have engrossed a huge fortune by luring individuals into thinking all this is real by brainwashing them. Here’s my theory and it does make sense. My destiny was written and sealed before I was born. Everything that has happened in my life and is about to happen is decided by none but The Almighty. We thank Him for all the good things but question Him for the wrongs. But our failures and bad times are nothing but a test. How we come out of the misfortune and change our lives for good are measured by the actions we take. It’s the law of action that plays a crucial role in our lives. Our actions govern our lives and existence. And no matter how much you attract, you get only what you are destined to have. So my advice to all those who have doubts on these bogus theories, is you chuck them out of your lives and do what is necessary – act on making your life better. For those who believe, get well soon!

Moving on. We live in a world where we cannot exist on our own. We need other humans to interact with. Some are comfortable being among family, some find joy in the company of friends and colleagues. And some people find bliss being among animals. It is quite impossible to exist on our own. I have transitioned from being an introvert to almost being an extrovert. I work on a platform where I have to interact with people beyond my circle of influence. And I have done it quite successfully. Getting attached to people comes quite naturally to me, and that is where I go wrong. I still haven’t learnt whom to trust and whom not to. It’s so funny, I mentioned about some ‘special’ people in my life in my previous blogs, and none of them are special anymore. They have turned out to be liars, hypocrites, untrustworthy and backstabbers. They stooped so low for reasons best known to them. I am a person who can forgive but not forget. I am also fortunate to still have a handful of honest and amazing people in my life and I thank them from the bottom of my heart. Here’s my second lesson – Make friends, get close to people but don’t get too attached. You don’t realize unless things go awfully wrong. And when it does happen, it gets very difficult to move on. Don’t rely on others, it’s your life and you have to drive it forward. Trust is a fragile attribute. It can be as firm as a mountain or can shatter lives, and it all depends on the person you are dealing with. For all those not so special people in my life, get well soon!

We all have a leader within ourselves. And we exhibit our leadership qualities in some way or the other – at home, work or any other place of activity. Some do not allow their leadership skills to come out in the open. But here’s the thing. Leadership isn’t a privilege, it is a responsibility. Leadership isn’t a tag that can be given away, it is something that is earned through hard work and determination. While you are performing, you can keep it. But when you don’t, you have to give it away gracefully. You can’t hold on to it when you are not worth it. That brings me to my third lesson - Often leadership is a lonely road, having followers doesn’t necessarily make you a leader. Having blind followers will not take you to your destination. A true leader doesn’t belong to a stage, but among his (or her) true followers. A true leader sees a leader within all his (or her) followers. Leadership is not about the number of followers you have, it is all about the efforts you put in to change lives. For all the self-proclaimed leaders I have known in my life, get well soon!

I started my entrepreneurial journey a little less than three years ago. I have no qualms in admitting that I haven’t been successful in this journey so far. I know the reasons for my failures and I am constantly working on improving myself. Looking back at my three years in this journey, I now see it in a different way. Every person is an entrepreneur. A home maker is one, she (or he) works day and night to earn happiness of the family. An employee is one, he (or she) trades time and efforts to earn money. And a business owner is one, he (or she) leverages other people’s time and money to earn wealth. Every type of person invests in something, works and builds on it and gets returns on the investment. Fourth lesson – Entrepreneurship isn’t defined by the kind of business you do or by the profits you make. Nothing is great or small. Do whatever makes you happy as long as it is ethical and legal. And please don’t follow an entrepreneur blindly. His (or her) success doesn’t guarantee your success. Sometimes it is best to break away from a system if it doesn’t work for you. Doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results, is insanity. Do mistakes, and learn from your mistakes. Failures are pillars to success, so embrace them. Do the best in whatever you do, and never hesitate to do it your way. Success will come knocking at your door, sooner or later.

Life is incomplete without family. And I am fortunate to have an amazing family. I feel sorry for myself for keeping myself away from them for a long time. Being a single father, I realize how important it is for me to spend time with my five year old son. The last few weeks have been awesome, just being around him gives me strength and hope. The more time I spend time with my baby, the more happiness I earn. And there is nothing more precious to me than a wide smile on his face. So take my advice, and it is one of the greatest lessons of my life – Spend time with your family. Life is unpredictable, we don’t know how much time we have with our loved ones. Spend your time wisely. Yes, money is an important aspect of our lives, but don’t sacrifice your family for the sake of money. Money once lost, can be earned back. Earn your money, but not at the cost of your family. They deserve your presence in their lives.

This sums up my past year. I am a year older and wiser now. I have committed many blunders and I sincerely wish I don’t repeat the same in the future. But I am human, no guarantees. But here’s something I will definitely do – I will work harder than before, my actions will speak for me. Hollow and double-faced people – stay away from me, my trust goes out only to those who truly deserve it. I will revive my entrepreneurial journey by continuing to work with truth and integrity, and endeavor to become a true champion of honest and effective leadership. And lastly, I will work endlessly towards giving the best life to my baby.

Before I end, I would like to mention something very close to my heart. Today is World Cancer Day. My prayers go out to all those who have lost their battle to cancer, and my love and support to all the brave fighters and survivors. You can read more about it at http://www.worldcancerday.org. You can also donate as low as $5 towards one of the many initiatives undertaken by the Union for International Cancer Control. #WorldCancerDay #WeCanICan

Thank you Lord for the year gone by and for the times to come. Looking forward to a happier and fruitful year ahead. Immense love and gratitude to my family, friends and well-wishers.

My dreams and aspirations are waiting for me. Here I come!

Take care and God bless!

[basamparkar]

It's not over until I win!

You laugh at me. You ridicule me. You taunt me. You say I have lost my marbles. You say I am on a wild goose chase. You say I am stupid to pursue my passion. You try to destroy my reputation. You mock my dreams. You thrash my aspirations. You question my intentions You belittle my abilities. You overlook my knowledge. You say I will lose everything I have. You say I am making a grave mistake. You say I will never make it! You believe in my dreams. You hold my hand. You love me. You care for me. You support me. You motivate me. You inspire me. You give me strength. You build my courage. You give me hope. You keep me going. You give me purpose. You give me life. You leave me without a reason. You say it's over, get over it! I am a dreamer. I am a believer I am an achiever. I am not a quitter. I finish what I start. I am not scared of failure. I challenge the status quo. I am ready to be bruised. I am ready to do whatever it takes. I am ready to grow through the pain. I am a fighter. I am a warrior. I am a champion. I am the best. I say IT'S NOT OVER UNTIL I WIN!!!

[basamparkar]

Dreams never die...

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake up in the day to find it was vanity, but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act their dreams with open eyes, to make it possible." - T. E. Lawrence I strongly believe when you dream your dreams with open eyes, you can make them come true. Dreams seen with closed eyes are often fantasies or nightmares. I have dreams, big and small, logical and illogical, easy and tough to achieve, but all of them are very close to my heart. I wake up in the morning, to see my biggest dream next to me. My 4 year old is my dream and there are many more dreams attached to him that make me push me out of bed and get going. A hug from the little one pumps me up and reminds me a lot of work is to be done. And off I go, in pursuit of making my dreams a reality. Just dreaming a dream doesn't suffice. A strong reason is required, and when you have support, the goal seems attainable. And when your dreams are for your loved ones, who are with you at every step, nothing else matters. But there are dreams that one sees for himself. Dreams that are equally important and are linked to all other dreams in some way or the other. The reason is equally strong but there isn't any support in sight. Sometimes they flag off on a positive and vibrant note and suddenly things aren't moving anymore. What does one do in such situations? No dream is negotiable. Dreams cannot be abandoned. If you have the courage to dream a dream, have the courage to pursue them and make them true. Just because the world laughs at your dreams, doesn't make them any less important. Even if your greatest support is absent, push yourself towards your goals. There is a reason why you have that dream, don't let it go in vain. For those who know me, my dreams and my aspirations, and those who are with me and have left me, I have only one message to convey. I am not letting go of my dreams, any of them. Each and every dream is close to my heart and I will ensure they see the light of the day. Just because someone had a change in mind and considers my dream a stupid idea, I am not going to bury them. I will move on, with or without your support. I will not kill my dreams. I am a dreamer, a believer and I will achieve my dreams, they will be born into reality. Because dreams never die!

[basamparkar]

Lonely in a crowd...

I wake up in the morning, to find myself trapped in a state of delusion of being alone. I refuse to acknowledge my reflection in the mirror. I feel as if no one exists around me. It is just me alone, wandering in pursuit of something that can get me out of this delusional belief. I carry on with my life, day by day, doing what is normal, yet it doesn't feel right. I meet and talk to people throughout the day, but my search continues. Life wasn't this difficult. It had meaning and purpose. I had all the reasons to feel alive. I had a lot to do that made me happy and move on to better things. Work, love, family, all these kept me going. I felt I had everything I could possibly ask for. Life isn't the same anymore. I have lost the most precious person in my life forever. I don't want to mourn for the rest of my life. Remembering the good times is a better thing to do. But the emptiness in my heart becomes unbearable. My son is very young to understand my feelings. Some people have tried to reason with me over my situation, but they have never understood me. Some have tried to come back in my life, but I asked them to stay away. Some have come in my life and made it so much better, but I pushed them away. And this is how it goes. I have everyone around me but no one with me. My tears help me feel I am not alone, they are my loyal freinds. Insomnia has kicked in again, leading to overthinking. Thoughts and memories run past my mind, making it even more difficult. Is it because I over-love? Is it because I am too attached to them? But then how do you detach yourself from those that you love the most? How can one get rid of the past that has laid the foundation of the present, which in turn is going to shape up the future? Memories never die, they live forever. And that is why I often talk to myself. My words help me in the pursuit of happiness. It's better to be lonely alone than lonely in a crowd.

[basamparkar]

A diamond is forever...

A lot to write about, what makes me keep thinking of you... I pen down my feelings in words, as pure as morning dew. What do I say, words are not enough in your praise... You are a living example of elegance, shining in many ways. One glance at you, my heart skips a beat... I witness God's precious creation, so perfect and complete. Beauty that is unmatched for, external and from within... Looks that can kill, I fear I might commit a sin. Modesty at its best, you are every man's dream... Shining bright, day and night, just like a moon beam. Sophisticated as it might seem, there is a naughty side to you... You conduct yourself with great panache, project only what is true. Your smile is bright as the day, it has the power to melt a million hearts... One look at you, I wish you are my sweetheart. Your tears are precious, like pearls on the ocean floor... I wish you never give away any, your smile is what I adore. Intelligence to vouch for, never to be taken for granted... You have immense passion, you turn out to be just as enchanted. A heart that is pious and pure, a soul that is beautiful and profound... I thank my stars, for a gem of a person I have found. To walk besides you, will be a journey of a lifetime... I wish you are mine, a wish so sublime. I have never heard, seen or felt, a beauty so true and timeless... A diamond is forever, for it is valuable yet priceless. *A few lines written for a very special person. Found it in my archives and publishing it now.

[basamparkar]

And life goes on...

Time just flies! I am a year older. Thirty-five years of existence on this planet! And I didn’t mention my age to make any of you feel jealous – look I am younger than you! What’s in an age, as long as you are young at heart. But yes, once you cross 30, you are in a different bracket and frame of mind. And with every passing year, you feel there’s a lot to do and you haven’t even probably started. Birthdays, especially mine, have never really excited me. While growing up, they were more of a family get-together than a celebration. At school, it was a day when I got to wear new clothes and distribute chocolates. During college, I would end up treating friends to lunches and dinners. And when I started working, the budget for treats increased. My last six birthdays were memorable. I had my beloved wife putting something together to make my day special. And our little angel made the last four even more special. But things are not the same since last year. I don’t feel like celebrating my birthday. Not that I am not happy having survived another year. But only because there are many others who couldn’t make it to their next birthday and I miss the love of my life. Hence for me, it is not a celebration. It is just a date, when I was fortunate enough to pop into this world. And I can’t thank my parents enough for deciding to have a third child and putting up with me through all these years. Now if I look at the past year that has gone by. Did I have a nice year? Did I do anything extraordinary? Would I like to have a repeat of the year gone by? Hell no! The last year was a difficult one and I am glad it’s over. Challenges in all spheres of life, and a lot of moments I wish I could erase from memory. I really haven’t achieved anything I yearned for, and it doesn’t give a good feeling. But the most important thing is not to dwell in the past and instead look forward to the future. I am not a person who has followed this principle but I have realised it’s time to change, in every aspect of my life. And get rid of all negativity and chuck it out. On the other hand, I was also fortunate enough to have some really beautiful people in my life. So it wasn’t that bad at all. I have so many fine memories which can never be forgotten. I lived great moments that will help me stay strong and move forward. And there are some really special people whom I can’t thank enough. I’m sure you are reading this. A big Thank You from the bottom of my heart. I am glad I am part of your life. So it was a mixed bag. What next? What’s going to change in the next year? First and foremost, all crap goes into the bin. Secondly, it’s high time I focus on myself, my dreams and life goals. I have a lot to achieve and I can’t afford to waste any more time. I have to raise myself to a level where I aspire to be, after which I will focus on helping others and start work on causes dear to me. It’s time to excel and raise the bar higher. A little more on a cause that I am very passionate about. Incidentally, my birthday coincides with the World Cancer Day. You can read more about it at www.worldcancerday.org. What role do I play in this initiative? Even though I wasn’t afflicted with the condition, I have shared the excruciating pain with my wife who had cancer. And I have seen many others go through the same during hospital stays and it pierced my heart to see less fortunate ones struggle to get treatment due to lack of money. It’s my dream to set up a cancer research center and hospital in India where free treatment will be provided to the less affluent. But it’s a huge responsibility and it will take some time to see the light of the day. For now, I am working at the grass root level by helping to arrange funds for charity and raising awareness on the condition, especially breast cancer. This is my initiative to fight against cancer. A lot to do and not much time in my hands. It’s time to get the ball rolling. Immense gratitude going out to all who are part of my life. Thank you all for being there. Thank you Lord for another year of my life. Looking forward to a better year ahead. Love and God bless!

[basamparkar]

A conversation with...

"How are you today?", I asked... She replied, "I'm doing good, really good." "Why are you so unpredictable?", I asked... She replied, "I'm as predictable as you want me to be." "Why do you change so often?", I asked... She replied, "Change is inevitable, I can't remain constant." "But I don't like you changing colors.", I said... She replied, "It is beyond my control, you make me change." "I want to see you happy all the time, I hate to see you sad.", I said... She replied, "It's up to you to keep me happy or sad, I just follow your wishes." "Why would I ever wish to make you sad?", I asked... She replied, "Even in my sadness, there is some deep reason, and you know it best." "My intention is to keep you happy, I don't know why the opposite happens.", I said... She replied, "I know it's not intentional, some things are just beyond your control." "How can someone else control you?", I asked... She replied, "Only you can control me, others just influence your actions." "Do you hate me for what I am and what I do to you?", I asked... She replied, "I have never hated you and will never do, your love is precious to me." "I'm sorry for everything, I don't want to lose you.", I said... She replied, "Don't be, you were never wrong. I'm all yours, will never leave you unless God wills to keep us apart." "Love you Zindagi (Life)!", I said... She replied, "I love you too. Stay happy and blessed." My conversation with life...

[basamparkar]

There is always light after darkness...

Just like the night gives way to a brand new day, our lives are more or less the same. Every little thing that happens in our lives is for a reason. Whatever it might be, it paves the way for our future. Nothing is stagnant, life also moves on. Life is unpredictable. It is humanly impossible to know what will happen next in our lives, but we love to predict our future. There’s nothing wrong in doing so, but one has to be open to accept whatever happens, regardless of whether it is in our favor or goes completely against it. Very few people take things in their stride. A majority, including me, love to hang on to what couldn’t happen. We drag ourselves to a point where nothing seems to be moving and then we question The Almighty’s master plan. We lose faith not only in ourselves, but also in our Creator. If everything had to go as planned, wouldn’t life be much simpler?

I am no stranger to this vicious circle. Ups and downs have been an integral part of my life. I have said this many times over that I don’t believe in asking The Almighty for anything. And it is true that I have rarely received His blessings at the very instant I have asked for something. I have many life experiences to share to prove my point. But at the same time, whenever I have pursued my dreams, and dedicated my focused efforts on making them a reality, I have achieved favorable and positive results. But ego takes over, and I attribute my success to my hard work and efforts. Only to realize later that it was His master plan that never let me detach from my dreams.

I am an engineer by qualification. An engineering course in India is usually for a duration of four years. But I struggled to pass my subjects consistently, resulting in a backlog of subjects from previous semesters. But I refused to give up. I studied, not so very hard, and passed every subject in the last two semesters. Only because I made a decision not to let go of my self-belief and gave it my best. End result, I completed my course and obtained my engineering qualification in five years.

After having worked in an MNC back home in India for a year, I arrived in Dubai with big dreams. I was like any other young expat with a five year plan. I had the option of continuing to work in India and move to Honk Kong, but I chose to follow family tradition and be closer to my family who were scattered between Dubai, Kuwait and Bahrain. Even after having the qualification and experience, I struggled to find a job for almost ten months. And the first job that I landed was not a memorable experience, I had to quit after eleven months. With a broken heart, I returned home to India. But my heart was back in Dubai, I wanted to be there. Luck was with me, I got an interview offer from Dubai. I decided to give it one more shot, flew down to Dubai, had a great interview and bagged a really good job. I am still working with the same organization for almost nine years now. Owners have changed hands, but I have had my share of learnings and corporate growth.

Let’s talk about something emotional now. Love is an integral part of every person’s life. And I am no different, I have a heart that beats. I had never been in a relationship before, and I was always eager to have that special someone in my life. The dream of romancing a beautiful girl was very much alive in me. I had my share of crushes and infatuations, and luckily none of them materialized. But then one fine day, I got to meet that special someone. Even though I was a quiet and shy guy, I have no clue how I ended up talking to her. We got to know each other so well, we ended up becoming good friends. But I wanted to take it forward. She was compatible with me by all means, so I decided to pop the question to her. To my dismay, she refused. Heartbroken to some extent, I tried to stay away from her thoughts, but I couldn’t. I proposed again and she refused. I had decided not to pursue this dream anymore. During the same period my parents landed up in Dubai to see this girl out of nowhere. I declined to even see this complete stranger that my parents had chosen for me. I bought myself some time, a week to be precise, expecting this new girl would reject me due to my behavior. And instead focused on winning the heart of my first love. Guess what, refusal again! And then I decided to meet the stranger whom my parents had chosen and approved, in a typical arranged marriage setting. It must be some good deeds that I might have done previously that I got the opportunity to meet this wonderful girl. We talked, there was a click, and I decided to make her my partner for life. We got engaged the next month, and got married in a little more than a year after that. That was the best decision of my life. We were to be blessed with our bundle of joy in the next couple of years. Life was complete!

My wife was diagnosed with late stage cancer a few months before our baby was born. That was like a tsunami that arrived unannounced and washed away every happiness from our lives. But I had to do something, I couldn’t let my wife suffer this pain all alone. We took the decision of welcoming our child into this world and then started off with her treatment. I have been accused of delaying my wife’s treatment by many who have no right to do so, but it was a decision we both made consciously, for the safety of our unborn child. I was with my wife throughout her treatment, pumped all the positivity into her that I could. I just didn’t want her to lose faith in The Almighty and lose her confidence. And she sailed through two years and eight months of gruesome treatment schedules with grit and determination. And I am proud that she raised our child in spite of her sickness and work. I knew beforehand that she wasn’t to live long enough but I never told her this bitter truth. Because I wanted her to live every moment that she had left to live. She was destined to live a short life and she crossed over to the other world peacefully. I didn’t question destiny because I knew my beloved wife was resting in peace away from pain. And this is what keeps me at peace.

I started my entrepreneurial journey a few months before I lost my wife but I never involved myself actively. After her passing, I had to kick start my business because I had to fulfill our dreams. And my job alone could never help me do that. I worked hard and was determined to succeed. I saw good results and had started to climb the ladder of entrepreneurial excellence. But then circumstances changed, I started to go through a downfall. I was down on self-confidence and self-belief and high on self-doubt. In spite of giving my time and energy to the business, I was not seeing expected results. I questioned almost everything that I possibly could, but I never questioned myself. I was been offered help from all sides but I doubted intentions and stuck to my agonizing behavior. During this phase, I was fortunate to have a really beautiful relationship with a very generous and kind-hearted person and I felt I could move out of my shell. But my ego and short temper ruined this relationship also. Fortunately, self-realization kicked in early, I regretted my actions and started to undo the damage. I am now at a stage where I have regained my confidence and eliminated all doubts. I realize I have to avoid procrastination and it is my actions that will give me results. I know my business will flourish again. And I am sure that I will mend all broken relationships.

These are just a few examples from my life. I am sure there are many more. But from all these events and experiences, I have received the greatest learning of my life. No matter how bad things get, or how good your life is, one does not always receive his wishes on a golden platter. And in my case, I have always received what I wanted, albeit with a delay. I am thankful to The Almighty for His blessings. He is watching over each one of us and he never leaves prayers unanswered. Everything falls into place, one has to be patient.

Every morning, we are reminded that there is light after darkness. But we forget this fact sometimes and choose to believe there is no end to the night and it will last forever. It simply won’t. Nothing lasts forever!

[basamparkar]

Not just a race...a defining moment!

I feel really good writing this blog. Today has been a good day as life has once again shown me the mirror. A mirror to self realisation. And I am excited to share this experience with you all. My first experience with marathons was way back in the early nineties. Though I didn't run a long distance, 4 kms for a person who had no inclination towards any kind of sport, was challlenging enough. I vaguely remember, it was organised by a charity organisation in Sharjah and we were forced by our school to participate. And it was a terrible experience. What I do remember is that we all got oversized t-shirts and a few diary products, juices and biscuits to take home. Fast forward to 2014. The Standard Chartered Dubai Marathon was announced to be held in January 2015 and our company had organised training sessions for participants. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to run a 10 km race. I had never run such a long distance before. There were many voices in my head telling me this was not for me. And my personal circumstances were even more challenging at that point. The love of my life was battling a dreaded disease and we were completely immersed in her treatment. I didn't even know if I would be able to run on the announced date as we used to fly to Mumbai and back every 21 days. As luck would have it, we didn't have a scheduled visit to Mumbai around the race day. It was time to take a decision, and it was not mine alone. I had to take a buy in from my wife. And as expected, she was furious. I had been having sleepless nights, had put on weight, was not in the best of shape. But I really wanted to run. So I registered for the event. Even though I rarely participated in the training sessions with the team, I had started to walk and run. I was watching my diet. I was doing everything possible to ensure I survived the race. I lost about 6 kgs in a span of 6 months before and after the race. I was feeling good about myself. Then comes the race day. I was all prepared, physically and mentally. I kissed my wife goodbye and drove to the race venue. I was late, so I had to park my car at quite a distance from the start line. The pre-race walk was a good warm up. Seeing the huge crowd was both scary and gave me good energy as well. The race started and off I went. My first 4 kms were fast , and then I slowed down my pace. But I never stopped, ran and walked all the way. The last 2 km were epic, by my standards. I had just one goal, to finish the race. Out of nowhere, I visualised scenes out of Bhaag Milka Bhaag and raced towards the finish line. I had my arms up in the air as I crossed the finish line, as if I was the first to finish. It was an ecstatic moment, I had completed my first 10 km road race. And my time was 1:15:56, not bad for an amateur runner. I was really happy. I went home and I was welcomed with happy faces. My wife was really proud of me and my little baby fell in love with the medal. And that is what I wanted. Often people would ask me, why I had decided to run this race. Why was I willing to spend time away from my wife, who wanted each and every second that she got with me. Why was I willing to spend a few dollars on a race. Was I doing this for charity. All sorts of questions. Let me tell you why. My wife was going through the worst phase of her life. She knew what most of us never even think about. She knew that her disease was going to kill her and she had few years to live. Her self confidence and positivity had been shattered to pieces, like a fragile piece of glass. And I knew what nobody else did. I knew she was not going to live beyond a few months. She didn't have much time left, she was slowly going away from us. She looked up to me, she got energy and positivity from me. At the same time, she was concerned about the future of our son and me. She was not very sure I was focusing on that aspect. Here's why I decided to run the race. I wanted to prove to her that I can achieve all that I set my eyes on. I wanted to boost her self confidence through my achievement and get rid of her self doubt. I wanted to show her that nothing is impossible. I wanted her to apply this train of thought in her life. I wanted to see her happy. And I got what I intended. I saw her more energetic and focused than ever, in spite of her condition. And at the back of my mind, I really wanted to prove her doctors wrong. I wanted her to live for a longer time. I wanted her to fight her disease with positivity. And I decided I will never skip this annual race again. I lost my wife a few months post my first race. Then came the race in 2016. Unfortunately, my circumstances didn't allow me to participate in the race. And I didn't really bother. And today, I regret for letting it go. And here we are today. I decided to participate in this year's run at a very late stage, barely few weeks before the race. Life was topsy-turvy, I wasn't sure about myself. I was going through a lot in life, my self doubt was mounting. And I reached a point where I had stop believing in myself, self confidence was going down the drain. Everything around me was affected, my relationships, my career, my entrepreneurial aspirations, just about every little thing. Today, I was lucky to get parking not very far from the start line. It was kind of a flashback moment. The crowd cheering, the energy flowing around, it made me feel positive. And then I go again, another race had started. I had two thoughts, I had to finish the race and beat my self best time. My first 2 kms were fast and well paced. And then I kind of slowed down till I reached midway. At that point, me legs and lungs had almost given up, I felt I would collapse. I slowed down even more, I was struggling to walk. I felt I was left behind, everybody just zooming past me. As I finished 8 kms, I knew I wouldn't be able to beat my previous time. But I had to finish my race. I had to finish what I started. I pushed myself, I told my mind to take over. I had to run past the finish line. And I gave myself a new target. I told myself that I can't take even a second more than 1:30:00. I picked up pace, I gave it my best. I couldn't feel my legs, and I started to breathe. I told my mind to defy all limitations and just go for it. 9 kms done, I was gasping, but my focus was clear. I had to finish this and prove myself wrong. And I did, I finished in 1:29:51. That was my defining moment. That was my life teaching me a lesson. For me this was not just another race. I have succumbed to self doubt before and almost ruined myself. And I badly wanted to get out of it. And today's race fixed this issue that I have been battling with for quite some time. And I look forward to keeping this attitude for life, for this is what I am. Limits exist only in the mind. My limit is beyond the sky. Either push yourself or die. I refuse to give up, because it is not an option. I have never quit on anything in life, and I never will. See you folks at the next race!

[basamparkar]

I am sorry...

Just the thought of writing this blog made me angry! But I had to open myself to the fact and admit to the world that I do have this seemingly common disorder. To some it may sound silly but this is a very serious and intense condition. I don’t want to judge others, but I have learnt this the hard way. In fact, many times over – to the point that I can’t take it anymore. Because if I don’t take any concrete action now, I might end up losing my life – not physical but in terms of sanity and self-respect.

Time and again, I have realized that my anger has been the reason from my strained relationships with many of my loved ones. A few moments of intolerance leads to an eruption, so violent, that it washes away all the good I have done over a period of time. And the pressure is way too high to have an outburst, not because I love to do it, but due to the simple reason that I choose to bury my feelings over a period of time and it becomes quite impossible for me to contain them anymore.

Believe me, I don’t like to be called an ‘angry young man’ or ‘angry bird’. I don’t take it as a complement. I used to brag about it being a family trait, especially among the men. But lately, I have begun to hate it so much that I feel I might hurt myself so badly and I won’t be able to recover from the damage I might bring upon myself. It is something I want to avoid, to the best possible extent, but this feeling keeps on lingering in my head.

It is said that one shouldn’t allow negativity to prevail for more than a few seconds, the focus should be consciously shifted to something positive. Well, I have tried that too and failed miserably, and it has led to disastrous consequences – to the extent that I have ruined some very beautiful relationships. And to rub salt on my wounds, I realize the blunder I have done almost immediately. But the damage is already done!

Why do I get angry? What is it that makes me angry? I have no answers for these questions. Most of the times my anger is not justified at all. It has kind of become a habit, which I am unable to get rid of.

Whom do I get angry with? Most of the times it is a person who is not at all responsible for my anger, but just happens to be at the receiving end, at the wrong time. And they happen to be the people I love the most.

How and where do I get angry? You don’t want to know about this. I have had outbursts at the worst places one can imagine and in all forms.

After I have had an outburst, I realize I could have handled the situation in a better manner and avoided the whole mess, but it is too late to go back and mend ways. Why is it that I get the realization very late? Even if I have an intuition that I might end up switching on my angry mode and I prepare what is to be said and done to avoid this mode, something gets over me and makes sure this mode is activated. What is it that makes me so helpless that I can’t control myself? Is it something that is part of me, something that is within me? Is it my subconscious mind? My alter ego?

Why am I unable to talk to myself and get out of it? Why am I doing this?

Anger has not helped anyone and it can’t help in any way. Problems are best sorted when solved with a calm mind. But what is it that brings about a storm in an otherwise calm state of mind. Is it my past, my experience, my expectations, what is it? God helps those who help themselves, but why am I so helpless in helping myself? I have asked myself this question many times in the last few weeks, but I am yet to get a convincing answer. But I refuse to leave this unsorted, I have to weed out this problem once and for all.

I am not a saint, I have a terrible negative side. Fortunately, many people in my life do not know about this. But those who have faced my ire, know what it is like. Most of my victims have been kind enough to ignore me and move on, but some have not forgiven me, for reasons I can very well understand.

I can’t hate anybody, I simply can’t do that. And it hurts me a lot to see relationships been wasted because of my stupid actions. The purpose of this blog is not to highlight my disorder, but to seek forgiveness from all those whom I have hurt. At the end, it is all about relationships. And this is the first stage of my treatment. I have to repent for my bad deeds and actions. I need abundance of love in my life and I have to ask for it.

To all those who are reading this post, I am sorry if I hurt you knowingly or unknowingly.

And I hope I get well soon.

Wish you all a great life ahead!

[basamparkar]

10 posts! This is just the beginning!

#10 posts #tumblr milestone

[basamparkar]

The cunning boss!

Definition of Boss: a person who exercises control or authority; specifically one who directs or supervises workers. Control, authorization, direction and supervision - these are all functions attributed to a boss. They come in all shapes, sizes and colors. They vary according to demographics, traditions and cultures. They come with their own degree of tolerance and insolence. I have had the opportunity of working under different kinds - caring, understanding, helpful, crazy, demanding, etc. But the one adjective that has lingered on my mind is 'cunning'. This kind can be found in abundance, you will find them in every organization around the world. I have come to a conclusion that if you don’t come across this kind in a workplace, then something is definitely wrong. This is one kind who make sure to make life miserable for you by achieving their goals and targets by hook or crook. And they don’t give a heck to what we, their so called 'subordinates' go through. On the face of it, they seem to be unperturbed. I have been lucky to have started my career under the guidance of the best possible boss I could have asked for. It was a privilege to work under him. There was a sense of mutual co-operation, a feeling of equality and unity working with him. That is probably the reason why I have survived so far in my career. There is a beacon of hope that makes me realize that better times might come and are waiting round the corner. He gave me a reason to move on. Times change, so do jobs and with each new job, comes a very new experience. Call it destiny or my misfortune but things haven’t been as easy as with my first boss. There has been a gradual deviation from the nice type to crazy, mean and cunning type of bosses that I have worked under. I understand that every boss has another one above him and he has to deliver to them, but at what cost? To subject a worker to unrealistic deadlines, bizarre work projects and never-ending work hours is nothing short of barbarism. Every boss has his own unique style of 'bossing' around. I have been subject to different kinds and each one has been an unique experience. Late hours, sleepless nights, forced responsibilities, unwanted obstructions, crazy thought processes – I have been through all. But the choice is ours, whether we take it with a pinch of salt or abandon it. Every person has his own level of tolerance. I am one who might fume at the wrongdoings meted out to me by my superior, but I am not a quitter. Fighters don't quit. One has to move on, dodging hurdles in his way. One has to maintain a professional decorum against all odds. It depends on how you decide to deal with the situation without losing your cool and come around with a positive outcome. And while you are it, you have to be absolutely sure to preserve your self-respect. Because if you lose it, you end up ruining your career. I don’t believe in the concept of 'assmosis' which I define as the process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss. That is the last thing I would do, I don’t have the skin to do that even if it means the end of my career. Some people flourish doing it but I would rather perish. I can’t stoop to a level so low and succumb to such immoral character. I am open to be 'Dilbert'-ed again and again, let the exploitation and oppression happen. It can’t get worse, can it? But yes, anything that crosses the limit of human decency has to be curbed. There is a fine line between cunning and dictator. Dictatorship cannot be allowed to prevail. A cunning boss is somewhat manageable and that is what I have been doing for quite some time now. But I wish such kinds are abolished forever. The only way forward seems to become one's own boss. But then, there is no guarantee that we might not end up as 'another' cunning boss! That is something to ponder about :)

[basamparkar]

To err or not to err!

To err is human, they say. But who decides on the magnitude of error which can be neglected or forgiven. It is embedded in our very nature to make mistakes, and I for one, am no exception. I am no stranger to this territory, have been carving out one after another for a long time. Some are pure acts of stupidity, some are due to unjust demands of time, and some due to a short temperament. But I do make a conscious effort to learn from my mistakes. So as not to commit them again and imbibe a sense of responsibility and maturity in myself. But as much as I would like to avoid them, they continue to crop up in my life. Somewhat similar to a blooming rose, basking in its beauty but with a bunch of thorns which constitute its existence. A mistake, no matter small or big, can change the very foundation of our relationships. What one perceives as a silly one-off act of stupidity can mean a big deal for others. And the opposite also holds true. It all depends on the types of people involved. Like minds often shoot things off the roof. Opposite minds don’t take such things as a damper. But who are we to decide what is allowed as permissible and what is not. A mistake is a mistake. And at most times, they just happen in the heat of the moment. Unless one is mentally unstable and needs a trip to a psychiatrist! To err is human, to forgive divine. But why is it that most of us are devoid of this divinity. Why do we get so engrossed in our own world, where we make our own rules, and treat others like dirt. Why do we take our own sweet time to realize our mistakes. Why do we feel ashamed to accept our mistakes and ask for forgiveness. Why is it that we overlook our own shortcomings and don’t respond to our inner self which holds answers to all questions generated by our own minds. It is this inherent nature of ours that needs to change. Mistakes happen, but to accept them and acknowledge our faults is what can make us better people. Life is short and doesn’t give opportunities all the time. The sooner we repent, the better. And to forgive is an even better act of kindness. I might continue to commit mistakes but I have to learn to accept, forget and forgive. This is the ultimate secret to having a sound and healthy relationship.

[basamparkar]

Independence!

It is once again that day of the year when Indians feel utmost pride in themselves as a nation. Spirits are high, emotions on the brink of overflowing. Yes, it is yet another Independence Day. Independence? From whom? The British Rule or a bunch of like-minded politicians. Are they really independent? Are their celebrations justified? Why is it that they need a special day to show their loyalty or affection towards their nation? Why do they give importance to this one day? Are they Indians for only one day of the year? People may have been asked these questions many a times, but have they ever been able to give out any answers? Not always. Independence Day is indeed a very important part of Indian history. But why do they forget that a lot goes behind the achievement of independence. People tend to remember just the big names of the Indian freedom struggle. But what about thousands who lost their lives following them. No one lays a wreath on the tomb stones of these deprived souls. The government spends a large chunk of taxpayers’ money on Independence Day celebrations. Can't this amount be utilized for improving the living conditions of the poor? Is it really necessary to have such elaborate celebrations? After 58 years, are they really independent? Don't think so. They still do not have complete freedom. Laws are made by their elected representatives and thrown upon them. And they call themselves the largest democracy in the world. Most of their fundamental rights are denied. And they are expected to co-operate. India is said to be a secular state. But their secularism goes for a ride whenever there is communal tension in any part of the country. Not all Indians are alike, but a handful of trouble-makers are enough to change the perception of a large majority of sensible minds. They can't even think independently! An Indian should feel proud throughout the year. Just one day in a year is not enough. Here's an appeal to all Indians. Please give a thought to the sacrifice of your countrymen, without which these celebrations wouldn't be possible. Do something for the thousands of people who don't even know the meaning of independence and have to make ends meet for their basic existence. Think independently. One day they will be able to call themselves independent by all means. Till then, let's just keep on trying and contribute in whatever ways we can. Remember, together it can be done. *This is an old piece written on 15th August 2005. Found it in my archives and publishing it now.

[basamparkar]

If a man does his best, what else is there.

Anonymous

[basamparkar]

Monsoon

It’s a sunny and bright afternoon. Lush green patches of grass all around. The smell of sand, which has just been kissed by tiny droplets of water, giving a feel of warmth and happiness. Children run out of their homes to feel the first spell of rain. Everything seems to be alive all of a sudden. People run helter-skelter, making their way to home in a crazy manner, dodging speeding cars, bikes, cows, sheep, dogs and what not. This aura is so full of life. One doesn’t want to miss this moment for anything in the world. Grannies and grandpas sit on the porch, making the most of this aspect of nature, reminding them of the good old times. And then there is a sudden bolt of thunder and a streak of lightning across the sky. The intensity of the rain increases. Puddles of water are formed out of nowhere, streams of water flow along slopes. Children get merry in all this hysteria like they don’t care at all. It seems as if the taps have been left open in the heavens above. People are drenched and yet they have smiles on their face. They want to avoid making contact but they can’t escape this wonderful bounty of nature. They get splashed unknowingly by a speeding bike and get stared upon by children and elderly enjoying themselves from their verandahs and balconies. And then there are the occasional dingy tea-shops, pouring out cup after cup of hot cutting chai. People try to provide themselves warmth and cuddle close to each other. Never ever has rain disappointed a soul. It has always brought smiles to people’s lives. Be it a short drizzling spell or huge downpour. They wait for rains to arrive for months at end ever year and wish they never stopped. Life changes suddenly, dark gloomy skies don’t seem to have any effect. They feel ecstatic, chant tunes welcoming the rains. A sudden gush of wind gives them the chills and they embrace it happily. And when the rain stops for a while, everything seems to have changed all around. Nothing is like it was before. And this change is even more beautiful and leaves just one question in mind. When will the next spell arrive? When will nature bestow its blessings again? *This is an old piece written in 2013 while I was in India during the monsoons. Found it in my archives and publishing it now.