I think one of my favourite things about playoffs is finding out who can grow a beard or not. Like there's always something really fun about a clean-shaven sophomore suddenly turning up with dark shadow on his face, or a vet who looks like a werewolf by Game 3, or a brown-haired boy revealing he has the ginger beard gene, or 27-year old Mitch Marner still unsuccessful in his endeavours
“If this year has taught us anything, it’s that when we stick together like brothers and we work together and we stick with it, we can fucking do anything. Alright, we brought ourselves back from the fucking dead this year and it’s a credit to everybody in this room” - Connor McDavid | the drop, episode 33
THE INGREDIENTS: pasta. alfredo. meat sauce. raw (red) onion. hot sauce (cholula, judging by the video). ketchup (heinz, i think?). a little salt and pepper.
THE RECIPE: boil pasta, chop the onion, serve with all sauces. eat and not die.
hi my name is emily and welcome to jackass
instead of liveblogging this process, i'm just going to add my thoughts to one big post to make it cleaner <3
6:48 pm: the pasta is boiling. i keep looking over at the Pile of Sauces and giggling. i have whispered "what the fuck" to myself a few times now. i'm cooking the whole box, because we're all having spaghetti tonight, but i'm the only one brave enough to try... This
6:54 pm: erik did not mention this as part of the meal but i poured myself a glass of rose. the onion has been chopped. i tried to get them chunky to match the video but that's like too much man, at least have your onions DICED why are they in CHUNKS ERIK
7:05 pm: writing these time stamps i'm realizing i'm a slow cooker because i keep getting distracted by my playlist (rn it's rebel rebel by david bowie). i am starting the alfredo sauce and it's sinking in that i'm about to actually. eat this. like a few bites, there's no way i'm eating this whole plate (this is NOT foreshadowing)
7:07 pm: i almost panicked because i didn't think i had enough milk for the alfredo but surprise, i had EXACTLY enough. this is a good omen.
7:15 pm: everything is done, i am just waiting for the meat sauce to warm up. i'm still whispering "what the fuck to myself".
7:21 pm: it's time. to assemble.
i grabbed a small plate, but i'm realizing. maybe i should have grabbed less. this is revolting. and i'm not even done adding things
added and mixed. i'm laughing. erik eats this. before every game? it overwhelmingly smells like cholula which is fine but oh my god. oh my god? no. no. this poor man's stomach. oh my god
7:30 pm: i've put it off. it's time to take a bite
IT'S JUST. IT'S JUST A LOT OKAY. THIS IS A LOT OF FLAVOR AND NONE OF IT REALLY GOES TOGETHER? it's like way too acidic. biting into a red onion is a terrible surprise. it's too saucy and it doesn't feel Good in my stomach, like i have taken two bites and it's settled so heavily already. okay no three bites. it's... it's just upsetting. this is an upsetting experience. what the fuck is wrong with you erik karlsson. you eat this and then you go and play professional hockey?
FOUR BITES IN AND IT DOES NOT GET BETTER. why does he do this to himself like can we send someone to check on him fr i am genuinely concerned about this man like i made this meal for the bit but he willingly does this to himself?????? 82 games a season???????
IN CONCLUSION: i managed five (5) bites. they were all bad. don't make this. someone arrest erik karlsson immediately i am so serious.
mtkachuk's playoff mind games are sooo funny there's no one doing it like him. up 3-0 in the tampa series talking about how even it's been and how much tampa dominated them... last year's nonstop gassing up of the bruins/leafs/canes + "the reward for beating the best team in the league is playing the second best team in the league" + completely refusing to let the "we want florida" thing die. don't be fooled he does NOT gaf what any opposing team or fanbase thinks of him he's literally weaving his little narratives for the guys in the room with him... subtly gaslighting them into believing they're still the underdogs... matthew tkachuk the tonesetter playmaker manipulator that you are. love u babe