bddiaries

[bddiaries]

anyways in my absence i went through literal hell and back and then back through hell again but i’m here bitch

[bddiaries]

so i actually STOPPED sleeping around as a way of coping with my myriad of fucking issues and keep it in my pants now so thats a win

[bddiaries]

did you break up with him? or what's the plan going forward?

hes not my bf and i told him how awful his comments made me feel and he backpedaled and apologized profusely and said all this bullshit about how he shouldnt have said it and said my body is perfect and gave me all these compliments that i honestly don’t even remember because i dont care anymore. i wanna block him and i just might. i dont want to talk to him

#i guess thats growth? #years ago i would have flipped tf out on him but #i just told him how i felt and when he was apologizing i was like like ‘ok’ #instead of drawing it out #i just wanna be alone now

[bddiaries]

lmao. you meet a guy who is obsessed with you after dealing with assholes who ghost you for years and he showers you with compliments and hes always telling you how attracted to you he is and how much he loves your body and seems like he genuinely likes you and actually makes you feel secure for once and then you have a pregnancy scare and he makes comments about how your mom body would be hot cuz your “hips would get wider and your ass would get fatter and your boobs would get bigger” and all that security and trust you built comes crashing down and you spiral into a BDD hole for days

#yea so i want to die LMAO #i’ll never be good enough for anyone #honestly my fault for thinking someone could actually be attracted to me #that was my first mistake

[bddiaries]

hey i just want to tell you that i would love to hear what u post even if it’s the same thing over and over

i have been following you for years because i go through the same and you help me to make me feel less alone ❤️

Aw thanks. Idk if I’ll post too much but I’ll still be here if you need to ever talk about anything

[bddiaries]

idk if i see the point in having this blog anymore. it was beneficial the first few years but now what new is there to be said? i just bitch and moan about the same shit over and over. it doesnt serve a purpose to me or anyone else. i haven’t realy gotten any better, there’s no recovery to talk about like……whats the point

[bddiaries]

Most women with bdd literally tell their bf’s not to watch p*rn lol. (me included) like wtf was that anon on about

lol truly

[bddiaries]

you know males sexualize and objectify women which makes your bdd worse YET you keep dating them and let them watch porn because of your low self esteem…

lmao what......i’m a hetero woman and have a natural human desire for companionship idk what you want from me....and i’m very vocally anti porn and established that as a clear boundary in my last relationship but alrighty

[bddiaries]

i hope you've been well, also have been feeling down abt being single (what is it abt spring that makes me feel so hopeless abt love haha), i dont feel optimistic abt the position i'm in love wise so i hope you'll feel more confident than me soon 🥺

its lame fr all i can think to do is to keep myself busy distract myself that’s all we can do really. take all your frustration and pour that energy into bettering yourself and doing things you enjoy and making money thats what im trying to do at least

[bddiaries]

ok ngl but being single fucking sucks

#yea yea yea be content with your own company blah blah #its not about needing someone to complete me or anything #its about the natural human need for companionship #and obviously being loved feels nice!!! #like fucking sue me for wanting to be loved

[bddiaries]

If you’ve ever said “she’s too tall” you’re an absolute coward lol

[bddiaries]

bdd is ripping me a new one. old anxiety coming back and all. i was starting to do so well then this mf had to flare up and fuck me up. i’m taking a break from here til my head clears up. c ya

#man i rly hate bdd #when it flares up its quite literally debilitating #im back to not being able to sleep blegh #i wish i had ways to cope when this happens but i just let it fuck me up #cuz idk what to do that will work

[bddiaries]

its 2022, a new year, a new you! thati might throw hands wITH! try to be be kinder to yourself or i will personally do a satanic ritual or some bullshit to make you understand that your value as a human is not related to how you look and how yourlooks will be perceived, you have intrinsic worth as a human being and in the grand scheme of things the way your dumpy looks is not important (no offense to your dumptruck im sure it functions the way it needs to have a great day i hope u unionize soon)

its hard 🥺 i mean i know all that but it still doesn’t help me not hate how i look n yea it doesn’t determine my worth but it influences how other people treat you and other people’s opinions aren’t everything but if i said it didnt matter i’d be lying because humans are social.....humans desire companionship so ofc i might stress over it like......

#it barely functions cuz when i sit down its boney and it hurts

[bddiaries]

no wonder my ex never touched me i didnt realize i looked like THAT. i feel bad for any guy who ends up with me like maybe i should just let him watch p*rn cuz what i got going on is just depressing and sad

[bddiaries]

made the horrrific mistake of videoing my body cuz i wanted to see how i looked from behind in a certain dress........that shit was worse than i could have imagined my ass looks like i’m 50 and somehow looks flat and sloppy at the same time.......like my god

#tragic #just all around tragic and sad #die

[bddiaries]

im screaming my white, blonde hair, blue eye, tiny princess nose, perfectly clear skin friend said she’s “not conventionally attractive” i am going to poop my pants

#takes every ounce of tact not to pop off #literally fuck offfffff!!! #LMAO i have to laugh....

[bddiaries]

come to think of it i probably scare off my dates because i talk about how much i love unions and hate weeb fetishizers in one date

#tbf he asked about the japanese thing #BAD thing to bring up unless you want a dissertation rant lmfao