beerbaby210

[beerbaby210]

60 Mississippi

That’s all I allowed myself to freak out. Last night. The day before my blood test...the blood test, the one that would determine whether or not they would be able to schedule my embryo transfer. My previous one was pushed off because my progesterone levels weren’t where they needed to be in order to schedule the transfer. You only get one “shot” at it, if your levels aren’t where they need to be there is no we’ll try again tomorrow. The transfer can only happen on one specific day. I get 3 days to inject myself with Progesterone and pray to the fertility gods that the dosage is correct and that I’m injecting it in the right place and also helping it disperse throughout my muscles. Yes...this injection goes in the upper butt area. I had the doctor do the first injection this time, so I could watch exactly where she was putting it and then I felt confident that I could administer the other 2. 7:00 pm each night, inject, rub da booty, then walk 2 laps around my neighborhood, jog in place for 1 min at the top of my stairs, sat on a massager to help move it around, hot shower, then heating pad, followed by yet another walk. I wasn’t playing around this time. After my injection last night, I walked, and jogged in place, and then before my shower I got real moody, irritated, anxious because I knew how much I had riding on a blood test the following morning. I got in the shower and told myself “you get 60 Mississippi to freak out and cry and do whatever else it is you need to do.” So I stood there and counted to 60 Mississippi and boy you don’t realize how dumb it sounds to say 60 Mississippi until you do it. But after I said 60 that was it, I let the shower wash away my tears and I was done. Got out of the shower finished my little routine and I sat in bed and immersed myself in my book until I fell asleep. 

Throughout this entire process, I’ve had my fair share of freak outs, anxiety attacks etc. I’ve been angry, cursed out loud like a drunken sailor, even thought to myself “am I being punished for something?”, “why is it “so” easy for everyone else but not me, me I have to go through this grueling process.” Of course it’s not easy for everyone else, as I’ve learned over the last 3 years, I think I know more people now that have struggled with getting pregnant than those that haven’t. It’s real y’all and like I always say, not enough people know this struggle even exists, or want to talk about it. Me...I wanna talk about it, I wanna talk to you, or your friend, or your sister, a stranger you met. This whole process has opened my eyes beyond anything I could imagine, there’s no telling how long I’ve been dealing with the PCOS alone, all the things that come with it...I can’t blame everything on it but some things I can, and that just seems to give me a little satisfaction at this point in the game. But seriously, I can be washing the dishes in the evening and just start crying out of no where, yes it’s probably due to all the hormones I’ve put in my body, but I still stop and think what the hell brought this on? One of my meds effects memory, they all give me more migraines than I already get, they cause constipation, bloating, insomnia, hot flashes...you name it man, I’ve felt it. It’s an emotional process beyond anything you can imagine, unless of course you’ve been through it yourself, then you completely get where I’m coming from. 

3 days that feel like they lasted an eternity. But it’s all worth it in the end, we’re still a ways away from the big pay off but this is huge!!! Again I just want to thank all of the people that constantly reach out to me sharing their good thoughts and prayers for this journey Kyle and I are on. You can’t ever know how much it truly means to us, to know how far our support system reaches being some 3000 miles away. But y’all its happening...the embryo transfer is happening!!! I’ll still have to wait a couple of weeks to find out if it worked or not but we are where are and man that feels amazing!!! I am on cloud 11 if that’s a thing because I feel like 9 isn’t enough! I feel like this alone has somewhat made up for the last year and half of all this fertility nonsense. Just keep sending all that good juju our way, it seems to be working!!!  I’m just so stinkin’ happy that I had to go ahead and write this out, my brain is spinning and I just needed to document it, I feel like most of my posts have been sad but today was a win, so I felt it was important to show one of the shinier sides of this process and continue to share my story for all the women that need to hear that it can happen, just a little faith even when you have the days where it feels like faith doesn’t exist.

Whatever happens next, I made it this far.

…60 Mississippi...breathe

<3

[beerbaby210]

IVF...WT*?!

The below was written back on June 2nd, 2021, the day after we received devastating news about our first cycle of IVF. I can say now that I was angry and pissed off at the world that day and just started typing. I needed to get it out somewhere to help process it. We are currently in our 2nd cycle of IVF, I just did my egg retrieval this past weekend and we got 34 eggs this time, and 14 of them fertilized, that’s double the last cycle. We won’t know more until this Friday but I’m optimistic, I went through this cycle with a different mindset, I was prepared, ready, all-knowing if you will. I knew what to expect, I knew how much medicine I was going to have to take, I knew how that medicine was going to make me feel, and I knew that it wasn’t going to do anyone any good for me to stress out about it. I feel I handled myself far better than I ever could’ve expected this time around. Like I said we won’t know anything more for a couple days but I’ve been constantly thinking about the story below and how it was just sitting here waiting for something. I wasn’t even sure if I was going to share it or not, but I think it’s worth sharing because people need to know that this stuff is gruesome, it isn’t easy. I think a lot of people have that misconception of oh well they’re doing IVF so it’s gonna work, no problem. That’s not how it goes, this is harder than conceiving naturally. It’s by far the most emotionally grueling thing I’ve ever experienced in my life, and the journey is only just beginning. I’m sure you’ll feel my anger if you decided to read the whole bit, but just know that I’m in a good place right now, I feel strong, and for me to be able to admit that out loud...you should know it’s true. To every single human that has reached out to me throughout any portion of this journey so far, I love you, and I thank you, you can’t know what it truly means to me.

IVF...In Vitro Fertilization...you’ve heard of it I’m sure, might know someone who’s gone through the process, but man you don’t get to hear all the details of the procedure. Probably for good reason, but I wish I’d of known just a little more before beginning this journey. Although, I think asking a bunch of questions probably still wouldn’t have prepared me for what my body was about to endure.

You hear about the injections...everyone assumes you just get them in your butt cheek...no my friends for about 2 weeks prior to the egg retrieval I had to jab myself in the stomach anywhere from 1 to 3 times a day. I had a panic attack after the second or third night of this, I started freaking out about all the medicine that I was just willingly injecting into my body. I was pacing back and forth in our apartment, the dogs were freaking out because I’m freaked out, and Kyle came home and took them straight outside and just told me to keep pacing and breathing. So I did, I eventually started to calm down and I just kept saying to myself “You’re not the only one who’s had to go through this” that seemed to bring me back to earth a bit. But man...all the medicine...expensive and intimidating. I received a giant box in the mail at work, I opened it up and it was needles galore, boxes on boxes of different medicines. Overwhelmed didn’t begin to describe it. I had to go to the fertility clinic to learn what to do with everything, this is where they told me that all of these would need to be injected into my abdomen. I had so many prick marks and bruises on my stomach it was disturbing. Hair thin needles, and needles don’t bother me at all, it was just the idea of putting all of this in my body that didn’t sit well with me. But we’ve mostly run out of options, and this is something I’ve wanted ever since I can remember, so if stabbing myself 1 to 3 times a day is what I’ve got to do then so be it. 

Egg retrieval day. They advised me to take the day of and the day after off from work so that I could recuperate. I should’ve taken like 4 days. Prior to the procedure all the medicine starts to make you feel bloated and swollen, and guess what?! There was absolutely nothing I could do about it!!! My ovaries were at max capacity since all the medicine makes me release an abundance of eggs instead of the normal just one. Well in my case maybe one, having PCOS you never know if you’re actually releasing an egg once a month or when for that matter. Anyhow, I go in for the procedure, they knocked me out, then go in and take all the little eggies that all this medicine has made me produce. Took about an hour, then they woke me up and I laid in the recovery area for a little bit until I felt like I could function standing up. I asked how many eggs they got, 28! 28 eggs. Now what? Now we go home and the embryologist will take Kyles sample and begin the fertilization process. They called me the next morning, of those 28 only 7 were mature. 7. Of those seven, 6 fertilized, of those 6 only 1 made it to the next stage. O N E. They assured me it was a beautiful embryo, they were excited about it. Now they have to biopsy it and send it off to a genetics lab to test it and make sure it’s healthy and would be considered good enough to transfer back to me next month. Post-op was fun...constipated for 5 1/2 days, bloated, nauseous and I felt like I was having the cramps from hell.

The genetic testing took about 5 days, and when I heard back, it was the worst news ever, the embryo was pronounced abnormal and therefore terminated. My O N E embryo. That came from a group of 28. When I asked for more information about the abnormal embryo I was told that it didn’t possess a copy of chromosome 14, which would interfere with normal brain function and would’ve caused me to have a miscarriage anyways. 

Nothing can prepare you for that kind of devastation. We never got this far with the IUIs we were trying before. This time an egg actually fertilized. So I’m trying to see that as the silver lining, that maybe next go round we’ll make it a step further. I work in an office building now...so no walk-in coolers for me to go hide in and cry. So storage room it is, I just couldn’t pull myself together, it was unreal. There I was crumpled on the floor of a storage room sobbing about the loss of something that I didn’t even have a real attachment to yet. I was trying to hold my excitement upon learning that we had a viable blastocyst that could potentially be our future child because I knew the risks, something could happen, there’s no guarantees but damnit all if I wasn’t crushed in that moment. 3 days later and I’m still extremely sad. I think mostly because of all the hard work that went into this process vs what we were doing before. All the medications and being careful there was just so much more at stake for this.

So now we have to start over from the beginning, which again we knew could happen, the chances of it working the very first try were extremely low, but you always want to hope and dream. I’ll get another giant box of medicine and needles sometime this month and my stomach will be all pricked and bruised again, I’d like to avoid a panic attack this go around but we’ll see. Maybe this was supposed to happen, to get the first one out of the way so that I can go forward and hopefully be more calm and relaxed. My faith is wavering slightly, but I’m trying to keep it together for my sanity’s sake. My body has just been through so much over the last month its exhausting. But IVF is where we’re at right now, and we’ve got 3 more cycles that are covered under the program we chose at our fertility clinic. So all hope is not lost yet, keep us in your thoughts and prayers, we need it. 

[beerbaby210]

Stress + Depression + PCOS = *insert exploding head emoji here*

I’ve dealt with stress for most of my life. Was it not making the right grade in school or how am I going to pay my car payment this month or I am now responsible for a functioning business...how do I not fail?! Stress comes in all shapes and sizes and it can be extremely hard to manage. I am a naturally emotional person, catch me on a bad day and look at me funny....TEARS! Or cursing...depends on the mood lol. But in being a natural bag of all the feels, makes dealing with stress even harder. Sometimes you just gotta cry it out or lock yourself in a walk-in (damn should’ve kept one of those around). Imagine the trash compactor scene in Star Wars: A New Hope, that’s a real feeling. Do I manage my stress very well after years of dealing with it...hell no. Have I tried to find some useful ways to help cope...hell yes. Sometimes they work and sometimes I’m right back where I started, or worse than I started. And then there is trying to hide said stress so everyone thinks you’ve got your shit together on a regular basis. That only makes it worse, that dual persona thing...I don’t recommend it. Fake smiles are harder to create than natural ones. I’ve been to therapy, loved it in fact, but got to a point where I thought “I’m cured!” so I quit. Lies. I wasn’t cured, I was on the path, but I never picked it back up. People are still to this day so hush hush about seeing a therapist...why? Because that must mean that we’re psycho...completely unhinged...could snap at any minute. Here’s a clue...people that have been in therapy for YEARS still have those moments. It’s natural. Doctors have told me that a certain level of stress can be healthy. Ha! I guess I’m the one that has to decided my levels but certain situations call for certain levels of stress. Not everything in my life has been stressful mind you, and even things that used to cause me stress don’t anymore because I’ve worked on that particular piece and gotten it to a maintainable level. But something that causes what feels like never ending stress...PCOS.

Now depression...I’ve only been knowingly dealing with it for about 6 or 7 years, for all I know I was probably dealing with it before that. The only reason I know about it is because I went to see a new Primary Care doctor and I had a questionnaire to fill out on a tablet before my appointment. I answered the questions the way I thought I should answer them, and then I get back in to see the doctor and before the end of my appointment she’s telling me that some of my responses in that questionnaire registered as warning signs of depression. Of course I’m in shock...you think about it sometimes but you never want to be that person...the person you see in all the Zoloft® ads on tv. I’m not as bad off as some people, but I’m not dismissing their illness, depression, like stress presents on all levels, and I admire the people dealing with more crap than I am. So of course she prescribes me medication, that’s also supposed to help with my migraines and my lack of sleep...it didn’t. I was on that crap for 5 years and it didn’t change a thing, I still felt sad about a lot of things, I still felt stressed about a lot of things. I gained even more weight which just added to the depression and the stress. I moved across the country and decided that I was going to stop taking the meds, I wasn’t seeing that doctor anymore, and I didn’t feel any benefit to taking some drug that was doing god knows what to my body. I’m 100% positive that I’m still dealing with the depression as I am with the stress, and not seeking help for it is my own fault. Hopefully some day soon I will pursue said help and start making progress on my mental health. But something that causes what feels like never ending depression...PCOS.

PCOS is a new term. Not new in the sense that I’ve never heard of it but new in the sense of...I have it. Polycystic Ovary Syndrome. More or less the lack of or off schedule ovulation (I know...eww avert your eyes) for those unfamiliar with the term and potential infertility. This is the gist...there’s tons more information about it. But man...add that to the other 2 and you’ve got a recipe for female mass destruction. I was diagnosed with PCOS early summer of last year, Kyle and I had been trying unsuccessfully for 2 years to conceive children. You wanna talk about stress and depression. Wow.  I’m 33 years old...my time is starting to run thin as far as the window for conceiving healthy children. Ya know that whole “biological clock” thing...it’s a ticking. In just 2 more years if we haven’t conceived anything after that will be considered a geriatric pregnancy...at 35...a geriatric pregnancy. And there are women out there who’ve conceived past 35 and they deliver perfectly healthy babies, but the chances of that are significantly lower the older you are. Having PCOS makes those chances even more miniscule. Doctor says I’m not infertile, but we’re still struggling. We’ve gone through almost 6 IUI cycles now with zero success, even a miscarriage would’ve been ideal because at least it means I can get pregnant. It’s a million times worse going through a procedure with a 10% success rate, when you conceive naturally its a surprise when you miss your period and take a pregnancy test to find out yay you’re pregnant! But going this route every month I go through a set of blood tests and ultrasounds, and 2 IUIs and then in 14 days I have to go back for another blood test and then sit by the phone and wait for them to call me with the bad news. Those are the most agonizing 14 days...they tell you not to stress, don’t do anything differently, think positive uhh yah...sure...right. I got another negative test just yesterday, and I assure you positivity was the furthest thing from my mind. I’m constantly left wondering, what did I do wrong? Especially after 5 of these things...with one more to go before we move on to the next option. IVF. I wondered to myself last night...if I had known years ago that I had PCOS would it have made any difference now? Maybe? But I suppose it’s one of those things that you always think to yourself “no way, not me!” The weight gain over the years from the stress and the depression...that helped lead to PCOS. Along with that I get acne breakouts like I’m twelve and going through puberty (I actually had better skin when I was going through puberty), weird hair growth on my face where women, well even men don’t want hair growing. I’m sure my migraines are at the root of it somehow and this could’ve been going on FOR YEARS! Ladies, with little girls, I implore you to be pro-active when your daughters start getting older to be part of their life in this most delicate way. I’m not saying everyone assume that their daughter will have PCOS but it’s one of the most undiagnosed and common female disorders. Most women don’t even know this exists, my mom sure didn’t, how would she have known to even suggest asking my doctor about something like that. For me it falls under the same category of my skin issue, there’s so few out there that know about it so there’s not a lot being done to create awareness. Something like 5-10% of women of child-bearing age have PCOS and a lot of them don’t even know it. It’s treatable/manageable, I’m told, I guess I’m being treated for it correctly and managing it to the best of my ability, taking all the vitamins and what not that I’ve been prescribed that can help combat it. But man after almost a year of treating and managing it and still not having a kid...it wears on you. And I know there are millions of women out there going through the same crap I am and my heart goes out to each and everyone of you because damnit...this sucks. I always see friends of mine posting this one particular meme on Facebook about “Please Stop Asking Women Why They Don’t Have Kids Yet” This is one of those reasons, because it’s a sad, debilitating thing to deal with and then on top of that to have to smile when someone says why don’t you have kids yet...and then think well geez do you have a minute so I can make you feel terrible for asking?! 

I know it’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen for us, but until that perfect moment comes along I try to remind myself to stay positive as hard as that may be at times. Just remember that life isn’t always cupcakes and unicorns for everyone...sometimes it’s dark and scary, but we’re built of stronger stuff, I won’t let me illnesses defeat or define me. This is just a detour around to the cupcakes and unicorns. I’m just putting this out there for a little awareness, maybe someone sees it that had no idea and this could possibly explain their issues. These are real illnesses that I and many others struggle with on a daily basis. I don’t typically put my business, out there like this, I didn’t write it because I want anyone to feel sorry for me, all hope is not lost yet. Just throw some good juju out into the universe on my behalf, whatever your juju may be. I certainly could’ve gone into more detail than I did...but it’s raw and it’s real. If you’re reading this thinking this could be me and you wanna talk about it, please by all means, reach out to me. You’re not alone. Thanks for reading :)

[beerbaby210]

Splendidly Gloomy and Grey

Almost at my 2-month mark here in the PNW and I gotta say...I’m loving it. It’s been supremely strange trying to learn my way around a completely new set of ‘turn right at the weird trees’ and ‘if you pass the painted electric box you’ve gone to fars.’ I’ve successfully figured out how to get myself to the local grocery store that is 2.2 miles away from our apartment without using my GPS! But for real it's awesome out here, I can still count on 2 hands the number of times I’ve seen the sun since I’ve been here, which was the goal moving out here anyways, they don’t need to know that I’m actually a long-distance relative to the Cullens. 

It rains nearly every day, which may sound terrible but I would compare it to a light spit as opposed to the 3pm rain in Florida. I purchased a pair of rain boots and I gotta say it’s been the best investment I’ve ever made! Temps have been anywhere from the 50s to the high 20s, excellent excuse to use all the sweaters and scarves that I was collecting all these years...they finally have a purpose! It’s currently snowing here in Renton, which is a completely alien thing for me and apparently for the residents of Renton (it usually doesn’t snow here), I’ll paint you a picture...I’m sitting on my couch, Criminal Minds on the tv (sad to report I feel like there's a Seattle episode in damn near every season) both dogs curled up and passed out next to me, laptop on my lap and about every 45 seconds I look up from my screen to make sure the little tiny flakes are still falling from the sky. They are. There’s not a ton of snow on the ground, most of it melts the second it touches something but I smile regardless. This is such a foreign concept to me and I feel like a complete dope constantly looking out the window. Luckily our rear neighbors are a good 50 yards away and they can't see me being a weirdo. HA! 

I am still unemployed for those of you thinking why the heck is she home at 4:41 on a Monday blogging. I started putting applications in just before the holidays so I imagine that’s got something to do with me not hearing much yet. I put the task of applying to at least one job a day upon myself about a month ago. If for no other reason it’s just making myself do something I’ve never really had to do before. Worked for my dad for 10+ years...didn’t have to interview for that one and then WOB for the last seven, interviewing to be a bartender seven years ago was the last time I sat down and told someone why they should hire me. I will say this...being unemployed has come with its own set of benefits. I feel less stressed out than I have in quite some time, which in and of itself was the most important task to tackle upon moving out here. I would love to say that I’ve been really focusing on myself and working out and eating better but the truth is..I’m not. I think about it, I truly do but I can’t explain to you the therapy I’ve gotten from sitting on this couch. Call me a lazy sack...do it...I think it on a daily basis but the truth is my brain needed it more than I ever could have imagined. It’s given me the time to really start thinking about where do I want to go next, do I want to go back to school (poshibly), get back into the industry and manage again or do I just want to clock in and clock out and be done with it at the end of the day. Do I want a Mon-Fri job (hell yes I do) or do I want to get back into working weekends (heck no I don’t) and not having that time to spend with Kyle exploring this incredible new place? Truth is at this point I could go either way because the cabin fever is starting to set in. Kyle works nights now so our roles have reversed so that’s taking some getting used to. But he loves what he’s doing and that’s all I can ask for, its also reassurance that we didn’t just move across the country for absolutely no dang reason! I’ll find something soon, I can feel it. I ventured to a local taproom (y’all everything on tap was stuff I’d never even heard of before..nom) last week while I was on my own exploring and just the environment made me miss what I came from. Something tells me that I’ll end up back in the industry in some form or another. Its what I know...it’s who I am. 

#ismellsnow whatdoessnowevensmelllike its5pmanditsdarkoutside

[beerbaby210]

Just Take It All...

  First my dog, then my car, next my husband, and now my job...ahh I can't keep up!!! All the things are being taken away from me, pretty soon my house will be empty because they are gonna come and take that too! I mean obviously it's for a good reason because duh..we're moving haha but still!!! I miss my dog because she is who I would usually lean on in a situation like this because she's been through this with me in the past and we do pretty good together. But because we will be renting for our first year in Seattle and Pitbulls are on every flipping restricted breed list out there, she's not allowed to make my biggest journey of my life with me and that breaks my heart. She is now living with my sister and her husband and they love her very much so I know she will be more than taken care of and completely spoiled and that makes leaving her behind just a little bit easier. Kyles has been gone for a couple of weeks now and that's even weirder, we've never been apart for this long since we started dating. The quiet nights with no snoring has been nice I'll admit but if given the choice I'd rather the snoring haha. My heart is just a little happier knowing that I'll get to see him very soon!! Every time I talk to him he tells me just how much he loves it out there and that he knows I'm going to fall in love with it the second I get there! The nerves have finally begun to settle so I don't feel completely crazy anymore which is nice. Although I've had a headache just about every day since Kyle left which hasn't been the best as it makes my days seem unnecessarily long. But I'm getting by the best I can, the movers will be here on Monday to start packing up the house, that's when it's going to feel really strange...seeing my whole world packed up into boxes and loaded on a truck...whew...gonna be an emotional day!!! 

  I am however extremely excited about my upcoming road trip across the country! I have always wanted to do this so I'm glad I'm finally getting the opportunity! So many things to see. From the St. Louis Arch to Yellowstone National Park and everything in between it's going to be the journey of a lifetime! Make sure you keep up with me on all social media because there will be a ton of pictures and lots of stories to be told from the road!

Tomorrow is bittersweet for me, it will be my last day with World of Beer, who knew 7 years ago that I would be sitting where I am right this very moment. In my office blogging about leaving Florida (haha) but no for real. I’ve kinda spaced out in here a few times today as I look around and take it all in...so many ‘lasts.’ I grew up in this office, I was such a baby when I started, I knew nothing about nothing lol and now I know how to run a business. I had help along the way, sooo much help in fact but I eventually was able to take the wheel and drive this thing on my own. When I started here I thought it was just gonna be some extra cash flow for my struggling behind but it turned into so much more. I cultivated a second family here, between my staff and my customers, it quickly became a second home for me. They always say don’t call work home...but whoever “they” is never worked a job like this, a job where everyone pretty much immediately accepts you into their circle and begins to care about you and be there for you. I’ve always referred to my staff as my kids, so at any given time I have a couple dozen children that I am solely responsible for, I’ve always been the mom in most social situations so this was no different for me. I’ve had kids join the nest, leave the nest and even return to the nest for the last 5 years but I wouldn’t have it any other way, it makes me sad when I think about working somewhere else and not being able to see the same familiar faces I see every week. I hand-selected each and every one of them for the most part, and the common trait...similarities in personality to mine, that was always a must, I have to work around these people so they might as well be weirdos like me. They have to be able to tolerate my strange noises and voices in order to work with me. So far I haven’t lost anyone because they didn’t like how goofy I was! So a huge thank you to my entire staff for the last 5 years...I wouldn’t be where I am today if I hadn’t gotten to spend the time with you that I have, the memories are something that I will take with me and remember often. Mom loves you :)

  Moving on to the next chapter is going to be hard, strange, sad, and exciting all at the same time, learning to juggle all of the emotions has been a very trying task but I’m handling it the best way I can and that's to just keep moving forward! Stay tuned for updates from the road!!!

#vampiressparkleinwashington followtheflemings wobforlife

[beerbaby210]

The Big Move Away From the Sun

 For those of you that know me pretty well, you know that I can’t go outside for just about 9 months out of the year living in Florida. I suffer from an enzyme deficiency called Erythropoietic Protoporphyria, or EPP. It causes extremely high levels of protoporphyrin in my red blood cells, plasma, skin, and liver. Basically, that means that when my body is exposed to high levels of UV my skin does this crazy thing where all the blood vessels burst and I’m in excruciating pain for a few days up to a couple weeks depending on how bad my reaction is. So, for the 9ish months of summer Florida experiences, I am unable to be outside. I ask you to try and imagine what it would be like if someone told you that you couldn’t go outside anymore. That’s what my doctor told me the day that she gave me my diagnosis, that I was unable to spend extended periods of time outside in the direct sunlight. I don’t have reactions walking from my car to a building or anything like that, but I can’t go to Disney and walk around outside for hours. I’m the weirdo that has to make all the lightbulbs in the operating room won’t mess with me while when I’m in the hospital for an emergency cholecystectomy (gallbladder removal) so my skin is not subjected to any extra UV exposure. My doctor told me that I shouldn’t plan to spend the rest of my life in Florida. Ok…what am I supposed to do with that…everything I’ve ever known exists within this state. The SUNSHINE state. But then I met my husband and he’s from New England and it turns out that he hates Florida almost as much as I do. No one hates Florida more than me I’ll tell you that, with each passing year it gets hotter and hotter here…imagine if the place that you live was constantly trying to kill you every time you set foot outside. But my husband wants to move out of Florida. Awesome, I’m so down for that, where are we going to go? After almost 2 years of applying for jobs out of state, we went on a trip to Seattle, in a day and a half I fell in love with the city. I’d always wanted to visit Seattle and I liked it a lot more than I ever thought I could…turns out I too have a thing for ferry boats. Kyle reconnected with a friend he grew up with in Seattle while we were visiting, we went to an OUTDOOR music festival where I sat outside for about 3 hours in DIRECT sunlight. This dawned on me at about 2.5 hours when I looked down at my completely exposed forearms then I looked directly up at the sun and then thought to myself “well this is weird.” I was completely fine, no tingly extremities, no burst blood vessels, my hands didn’t feel like they were on fire. I can’t explain what it feels like when you don’t get sun exposure for so long because it’s going to kill you and then you do for 3 hours and you feel like you just stole the drum from the Energizer Bunny. Y’all I had tan lines.

  Fast forward to we’re back home in Clermont and Kyle says to me I’m going to apply for a job at Boeing (the place where his childhood friend works in Seattle) I said ok go for it, what’s the worst that could happen? Fast forward again, he has an interview scheduled and the interviewer says she’s going to recommend him for the job. The waiting period felt like months when it was only weeks but then he got a call…or email…hell, I don’t remember what it was I just know HE GOT THE JOB and wow…now we have to move our entire life to the other side of the country and leave all friends and family behind. Enter all the feels. Nervous. Excited. Sad. Terrified. Blissful. Stressed. It’s a new chapter, a new adventure with my best friend. But the best part of this whole thing? I might be able to live life like a normal-ish human being. When the UV index in Florida gets to about a 6 I start getting worried, I have to chase shadows on my steering wheel while driving so my hands don’t get overexposed, Seattle gets to an average of 7 during the months of June and July, May and August hit a 6 and April comes in around a 5 everything else is a 3 and below. But it rains ALL the time in Seattle…Seattle isn’t even on the top 10 list of states that get the most rainfall per year, it just gets spitty rain a lot…I’ll take it. If it means living in a place where I can go outside and not feel like a crazy person I WILL TAKE ALL THE RAINS!!! 

So as hard as it’s going to be to leave behind everything and everyone I have ever known, being able to not feel like a vampire will help me get through it. For those of you that have congratulated me personally and gone the extra step to say how awesome it will be for me to not have to stay cooped up inside anymore, you are amazing friends for remembering something pretty much no one knows exists. I’ve come to terms with my disorder, and up until this opportunity I’d accepted the life of just living inside and being miserable. Watching my husband play with our future children in our yard from the window inside the house was starting to feel like my only option. But now, now I have the opportunity to do all the things I haven’t been able to do for years!!! So follow me on my adventure to the Pacific Northwest and to a new life of being an outdoorsy person

#followtheflemings ihaveathingforferryboats