bigbazoxngas

[bigbazoxngas]

Baby Reindeer on Netflix is the best depiction I’ve seen of healing through sexual trauma I’ve seen in a piece of media. It’s really uncomfortable but so realistic I feel like I’m not crazy

[bigbazoxngas]

one of the things i really appreciate about baby reindeer is the fact that they called the relationship between darrien and donny grooming.

like…i don’t want to get into my trauma too much (though i’m about to 🧍), but i’ve dealt with what most would consider a “stereotypical” grooming case. guy meets girl, girl is 17 fresh out of high school, guy’s in his early 20s and wants to “help” the girl gain “experience”—like call me by your name but replace the gorgeous italian scenery with some cornfield in ohio or something

my point is, i’ve experienced the kind of case that people think of when thinking of grooming, and even so i gaslight myself—for fucking years!—about if it was “actually” grooming, or “actually” sexual assault despite hearing about so, so many devastating similar cases.

in my research i read about how grooming could happen to anyone in any situation—the factors didn’t matter as long as the manipulation of it was all the same. i didn’t believe that—not for others, but for my case. i tried to make myself believe that i had to be younger (because i was “this close!” to being “legal”, and i was “legal” in xyz state) or that I had blown things out of proportion.

i say that to say that’s why i am so grateful that this has been portrayed in this show, despite how heavy it is. It shows that grooming can happen to someone older, or a man, or anyone. it doesn’t have to have xyz factors, it is the same traumatic experience despite the different shades and despite the different ways that it impacts someone.

it was just so raw and honest and left nothing to interpretation, it called it exactly as it was.

i dunno, i just really appreciated that.

[bigbazoxngas]

Baby Reindeer highlights two antagonistic characters. One being a mentally ill woman. The other is an actual predatory groomer and rapist. Both who are real people that the writers and Richard Gadd who was brave and vulnerable enough to relive his trauma have tried to protect the identities of.

Guess which one the general public has hunted down and harassed?

[bigbazoxngas]

BABY REINDEER episode 4 And still I went back.

[bigbazoxngas]

There’s an interesting dichotomy between the malefic deliberateness of your abuser and the involuntary compulsiveness of your stalker. What episode four does is that, for the first three episodes, you ask ‘Why is he indulging this person?’ But when you realise what he’s been through, by the time [Martha] comes through the doors at the end of episode four and does that big smile that only Jess can do, you think ‘Thank God, Martha’s back.’ And you understand why Donny indulged her… I wanted to show what Darrien did was perniciously evil whereas Martha’s behaviour came from a place of deep vulnerability.

Richard Gadd on Baby Reindeer’s harrowing ending: “It’s the most truthful scene of the entire show” by Miles Ellingham

[bigbazoxngas]

[bigbazoxngas]

i binged baby reindeer last night and it really was one of those shows you watch absolutely paralyzed in bed unable to stop and feeling emotions you didn't think you could feel

it hit me in a place i didn't even realize existed and absolutely broke me. some absolutely life-changing media thank you richard gadd

[bigbazoxngas]

wow a new great show about male sexual abuse and the trauma that goes with it. good thing no tiktok users could possibly misinterpret this

[bigbazoxngas]

FUCK YOU. YOU FAILED TO BREAK ME.

(Watching this show was one hell of a journey. I hate the fact that so many of us can actually relate to this)

🎥 : Baby Reindeer (2024)

[bigbazoxngas]

BABY REINDEER (2024) Episode 6

[bigbazoxngas]

I think one of the most realistic parts about Baby Reindeer (2024) is how much Donny downplays the abuse he faces

I know everyone wants to hate on him for being “stupid” and blame him for everything that happened because yes from an outsiders perspective he made questionable choices but isn’t that what HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE DO?

I know so many people who’ve “played nice” or tried to downplay abusive behavior. You try and tell yourself “It wasn’t that bad”, or that it was just some crazy experience that should be forgotten. It seems so much easier to stay silent and just try to move on.

You don’t wanna start problems

You don’t wanna be mean

You don’t wanna be the bad guy

[bigbazoxngas]

i really don’t even think it’s that much of a complex concept to understand how a victim would continuously fawn/go back to their abuser time and time again. i think other people create a very simplistic idea of how the perfect victim behaves, especially people who aren’t victims of abuse, but i don’t think it’s even that hard to wrap your head around that victims will usually go back and cannot break the cycle that early on, even after justice has been completely served and they want to restart the whole cycle again. it really isn’t that complicated

[bigbazoxngas]

Also baby reindeer is a masterpiece and it altered my brain chemistry and made me feel so seen and the way it deals with trauma really resonated with me and it’s so good and I’m not the same person anymore

[bigbazoxngas]

what is it with people hearing a story about a public figure's trauma (intentionally leaving out names) and immediately going "we need to find who they're talking about. i'm going to track them down. for #justice you know. because i care so much about abuse. this is totally the right thing to do and definitely not crossing the boundaries of a trauma survivor and putting them into more danger from their abuser." stop that

[bigbazoxngas]

Baby Reindeer is kinda amazing at being so brutal about the rape experience, especially about the aspects that come from being raped as a man by a man. The questions about your identity and if you brought it on yourself for just "giving off that vibe" and how admitting it even happened seems impossible: the ways one might cope it with all, many of them destructive.

[bigbazoxngas]

"So I'm gonna stop running now. Because I just don't have the legs for it anymore. I just don't." - Richard Gadd, Baby Reindeer

[bigbazoxngas]

"it was strange. after all the awful things that had been done to my body, i just couldn't lose myself in intimacy anymore. like now there were feelings involved it all just felt too much."