bitchin-bichen

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every bts interview has to have: randomly doing things in the bg jungkook, dancing hobi, slytherin jimin, fond smile yoongi, chaos encouragers taejin and all of them lovingly throwing namjoon under the bus <3

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A commission for @cbyauthor based on their  modernAU NieYao fic:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31759183/chapters/78613495

they’re so cute here I’m 🥺❤️❤️❤️✨💦

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CaoXiang reincarnated in Cadillac China’s latest ad

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teamwork makes the dream work.

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“No, I mean, we usually did the acceptance speech when there’s no one around, and all of a sudden, there are bunch of people and it’s noisy and I was so out of it. My brain circuit completely stopped working” — 211122 vlive, jungkook (trans. cr. eternalsummerjk) YOU DID SO WELL! WE'ARE SO PROUD OF YOU JUNGKOOK!

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lan wangji, youngest child™: wei ying why didn’t you buy every toy a-yuan said he wanted? that’s what you do with children you give them what they want. that’s how it works. i know because i was a child once

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#the most orange caramel thing i have seen

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+

went to bed around the same time but it’s like they’re in two different time zones:

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yo hobi wtf

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don’t need to talk the talk, just walk the walk tonight ♡

#i have pictures of me standing exactly where they're standing #how is it that the un general assembly is the closest ive gotten to bts??

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UN 🇺🇳

210920

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What your favourite mdzs/cql ship says about you

So, by absolutely nobody’s request I made a shitpost based on Eldena Doubleca5t’s awesome youtube videos. I included the link to the channel in the source because this post won’t show up if i put it here. Go give them a watch and then read this post in their voice because I swear to you it’ll be a 100% funnier

Also, these are absolutely NOT to be taken seriously. I was just procrastinating by taking the piss out of these characters. I’m not here to start any ship wars. I don’t even have a legit opinion on over half these ships ^^ (though I DID jokingly include why I ship some of these. You can guess which)

Lan Wangji / Wei Wuxian (cql)

You’re always a slut for period dramas.

Lan Wangji / Wei Wuxian (novel)

You’re always a slut for the exact OPPOSITE of period dramas, which is sexual tension culminating in kinky consensual dub-con sex and copious amounts of pda.

Nie Mingjue / Lan Xichen

Your ideal high-school romance is jock/nerd.

Lan Xichen / Jin Guangyao

You’re a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of devotion, deception and despair.

Wei Wuxian / Mo Xuanyu

You were looking at that tumblr memes about fucking your clone and thought “Mhh …”

Wei Wuxian / Wen Ning

You don’t understand people who say they wouldn’t date their best friend. Like, aren’t you best friends for a reason?

Wen Ning / Wei Wuxian / Lan Wangji

You either just wanted good things for Wei Wuxian (and really who wouldn’t?) OR you’re just … really horny.

Luo Qingyang / Jiang Yanli

You read mdzs and watched cql and each time a woman was in a scene you just thought “Aren’t you tired of being nice? Don’t you just want to go ape shit?”

Wen Ning / Jiang Cheng

You are YuBin. (there’s a post on his Weibo. it’s brilliant)

Wei Wuxian / Xue Yang

You have a secret necrophilia kink that you won’t admit to under threat of torture.

Wei Wuxian / Wen Qing

You want a girlfriend who not only can kick your ass, but will do so upon request.

Wen Qing / Jiang Cheng

You are a firm believer in 👏 men 👏 getting 👏 pegged.

Baoshan-Sanren / Lan Yi

You are a lesbian who loves MILFs

Jin Zixuan / Jiang Yanli

You’re ideal relationship dynamic is sitcom-wife/sitcom-dad

Lan Wangji / Jin Zixuan

Your ideal date involves awkward silence and stilted conversation.

Wei Wuxian / Jiang Cheng

You’re really into sibling incest, but manage to pretend that you’re not.

Ouyang Zizhen / Jin Ling

You’re always a slut for grumpy “tough” boys who go soft for one ☝️ man.

Wen Qing / Jiang Yanli

Your ideal relationship dynamic is just girls bein’ friends, gals bein’ pals.

Jiang Fengmian / Yu Ziyuan

This is just the same joke as Wen Qing / Jiang Cheng  but you also have a strong fondness for MILFs

Lan Sizhui / Jin Ling

You got your start in online fandom shipping drarry.

Lan Sizhui / Ouyang Zizhen

You love soft boys (too good for this world, too pure) so much that one day you were like, “Hey! You know what’s better than one soft boy? Two soft boys!”

Lan Jingyi / Jin Ling

You’re a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of being bullied.

Lan Sizhui / Lan Jingyi

That’s just the same joke as Wei Wuxian / Jiang Cheng, but you just can’t with all their trauma.

Song Lan / Xiao Xingchen

You don’t understand why anyone would care about a couple with a canonical happy ending when there’s a worst-timeline-au parallel ship right there.

Song Lan / Xiao Xingchen / Xue Yang

Based on my experience with this side of the fandom you‘re either into hardcore psychological horror or fluff so sweet it’s cotton-candy and there is no in-between.

Xue Yang / Xiao Xingchen 

That’s just the same joke as Song Lan / Xiao Xingchen / Xue Yang, but you never forgave Song Lan.

Jiang Fengmian / Wei Chanze

You’re a firm believer in keeping things ☝️ canon and keeping things ✌️ wholesome.

Yu Ziyuan / Cangse-Sanren

You love the dynamic of teenage Wangxian, but you’re also a lesbian.

Jin Guangyao / Xue Yang

You were absolutely fucking thrilled when be gay do crime became the hot new meme.

Jing Guangyao / Su She

You’re a firm believerin the inherent eroticism of class-solidarity.

Luo Qingyang / Wen Qing

Honestly, this is just the same joke as Luo Qingyang / Jiang Yanli, but you’re also into girls out-topping each other.

Madam Lan / Cangse Sanren

You just want good things for Madam Lan and really, who wouldn’t?

Wei Wuxian / Jiang Yanli

That’s just the same joke as Wei Wuxian / Jiang Cheng BUT you’re also heterosexual. 

Nie Mingjue / Jin Guangyao

Your new favourite meme is that exchange that’s like “go fuck yourself!” - “fuck me yourself, you coward!”

Nie Mingjue / Lan Xichen / Jin Guangyao

You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of failed conflict negotiations and unsolved moral dilemmata.

Nie Huaisang / Wei Wuxian

You’re ideal date involves wacky hijinks after which PAIN ensues.

Lan Xichen / Nie Huaisang

You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of shared trauma.

Lan Xichen / Jiang Cheng

You are a firm believer in the inherent eroticism of shared trauma AND working through it together.

Wen Ruohan / Lan Qiren

I can’t say for sure that you wanna fuck dads, but you definetly want to fuck father figures.

Luo Qingyang / Luo Qingyang’s husband

You’re always a slut for characters who are in dire need of more screantime.

Lan Wangji / Jiang Cheng

You don’t understand why anyone would care about a happy marriage when there’s an unstable love/hate relationship to fuck around with.

Luo Qingyang / Lan Wangji

You … are Wei Wuxian

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JUNGKOOK SANG PARADISE

#how did i not know this until now???? #😭 amazing we are blessed #also his harmonies are SOOO GOOD

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taehyung’s reaction when jungkook told him not to dance like a frog just because he looks like he’s wearing a frog costume lmaooo

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this idea started with this thought:

it would be extremely fucking funny if wei wuxian was lan xichen’s friend first

imagine if that’s how lan wangji meets him. that’s their introduction. the category wei wuxian is introduced to him as is “my brother’s friend” which puts him right there with nie mingjue.

in canon this is very good but slightly harder to finagle without being very au but you know where this is just very choice?

modern au.

how it happens is this

wei wuxian is a little genius and skips two grades when he’s young. on one hand, madame yu complains about jiang cheng not skipping any grades constantly, but on the other hand she can’t compare them so precisely because they’re talking different tests in different classes and for couple years at a time are even in different schools, which really cuts down on a lot of the tension between wei wuxian and jiang cheng.

this also means that wei wuxian is in the same class as jiang yanli

jiang yanli doesn’t have the energy to be jealous and is also much more gracious about accepting help. which means wei wuxian doesn’t let his sister get anything less than straight a’s in everything because he doesn’t want madame yu to yell at her for it.

when they’re all still young kids the jiangs move and the kids are enrolled in the same school as all our favorite people.

lan wangji is also a little genius but everyone’s very concerned about his social development and the potential damage skipping grades could do to it, so he stays right where he is. also in his class is jiang cheng, nie huaisang, mianmina, jin zixuan, wen ning, and meng yao who skipped one grade because he was worried skipping two would get him the wrong sort of attention.

but two years ahead of them is wei wuxian, jiang yanli, lan xichen, and nie mingjue. lan xichen initially befriended wei wuxian (to his best friend nie mingjue’s annoyance) because he was new and young and lan xichen didn’t want him to feel intimidated and alone. then someone talked shit to jiang yanli and wei wuxian cheerfully squared up and kicked their ass which horrified lan xichen while nie mingjue was delighted and decided maybe this kid isn’t too bad after all

this is also good because we still have wei wuxian struggling with his peer group. are his peers the kids his own age? or the kids he spends all day ever day with in class and has for years? cue an identity crisis, wash rinse repeat

anyway sort of on accident wei wuxian becomes best friends with lan xichen and nie mingjue. he’s friendly with the others but they are, well, his best friends’ little siblings, even if they’re the same age as him, so they don’t really hang out. nie huaisang comes over sometimes but wei wuxian tries to avoid him when he does because they’re actually decent friends but jiang cheng gets upset about not having one friend that doesn’t like wei wuxian better which is, you know, unfair but also a valid emotion so wei wuxian and nie huaisang just text constantly

the fun thing about lan xichen and nie mingjue is that they secretly love getting into shenanigans but have to be responsible older brothers about everything and good role models and whatever. wei wuxian can’t be bothered with any of that. so he’s constantly getting them into trouble that they’re delighted to be in and they all practice sparring at the nie studio and wei wuxian is friendly and fun and outgoing in a way that neither lan xichen and nie mingjue are. the three of them all balance each other out so well, softening the hard edges of the other two, and of course they’re all very beautiful and smart and kind in their own way, and well

the three of them are the popular kids, easily, which baffles all of them to varying degrees

(if jiang cheng is never asked “oh, are you wei wuxian’s brother?” again in his life it’ll be too soon)

so throughout all of this lan xichen goes over to the jiang’s and he and wei wuxian both spend a lot of time at the nie but because lan qiren is strict and not fun it’s not until the summer before their junior year that wei wuxian goes over to the lans

this is the first time lan wangji is meeting the boy who’s been his brother’s other best friend for years, since obviously he’s known nie mingjue since they were toddlers

and uh

holy shit

his brother never told him wei wuxian is hot

commence the mortifying ordeal of 1. being a freshman and 2. having a crush on your elder brother’s friend

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💀💀💀💀