blastoise42

[blastoise42]

can't stop thinking about how silly executioner's swords look. you could flip burgers with that thang.

[blastoise42]

READ THIS DISC

Yuppppp you cant!

Cause you dont have a optical drive.

How does it feel?

[blastoise42]

When I was little I had an irrational fear of when you tried to turn off your Windows XP and the screen would gradually turn Grey as you choose which power option to enter

That shit was SCARY!!!

[blastoise42]

Corporate trainings are literally like

"A woman and her child are having trouble finding a product in the vitamin aisle, what can you do to help her?"

1. Kill the kid.

2. Kill the parent, leave the child motherless.

3. Use the CARING® Strategy and our TRICUS™ Customer Experience Method to make sure she gets everything she wants at the correct price.

4. Leave her alone, she doesn't want to be bothered.

[blastoise42]

can't get over the phrasing of this actually

[blastoise42]

no amount of bird posts i make can ever capture how truly strange bitterns are

[blastoise42]

[blastoise42]

i hate dogs with blue eyes. why is fucking jeff the killer at my back door

[blastoise42]

30 minute recipe? Psh. I can do it in an hour and a half

[blastoise42]

in a kinder universe i could post "mutuals I am pickling you in a jar with some dill" without my mention of a jar inadvertently invoking memory of a phenomenon most profane

[blastoise42]

every girl wants to get in a vehicle and flip 3-6 switches overhead in the process of turning it on

[blastoise42]

yeah your boyfriend’s a stag now. yeah he accidentally saw diana bathing and she turned him into an animal so he can’t tell anyone what he’s seen. he’s still the same guy mentally though. oh look his dogs are running up to him. maybe they’ll recognize him that’ll make him feel better

[blastoise42]

does some kind of stepping

[blastoise42]

feeling bored i’m gonna dox a fish

[blastoise42]

[blastoise42]

🐸 

[blastoise42]

spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs...