blurrytroubles-blog

[blurrytroubles-blog]

18/01/2018 19:40

i swear to god i’m so triggered and stressed my mom came home angry bc i made a mess in the kitchen and she didnt fully print my assignment and my printer at home broke so i’ll have to print it tomorrow at school but i dont trust school printers bc they are always out of ink im so scared and stressed ughgfssjdjk kfdvcmn i want to die 

[blurrytroubles-blog]

03/01/2018 20:20

there’s just so much hurt and anger and pain in me and i cant bear it and i’m hurting everybody around me and i’m breaking shit and making a mess while i don’t even think twice about it. it’s becoming too much and everything hurts my head hurts from overthinking and my eyes hurt from crying i don’t know what to do i’m feeling too much right now and i hate this shit situation please make it stop 

[blurrytroubles-blog]

02/01/2018 19:55

i realised that most people only care when you’re feeling shit if it affects them. e.g. when you’re mad or sad because of someone so you start behaving differently towards them, and they only notice because they start feeling a bit irritated or hurt.

people can be so, so selfish. 

[blurrytroubles-blog]

01/01/2018 00:03

just three minutes into the new year and i already hear emergency vehicle sirens. when i was younger i could never understand why people would want to stay inside on new year’s eve, but now i do. believe me, i do. nothing is exciting anymore and the holidays just seem like another day. i’m sorry mom and dad that i’m being so depressing, but i can’t help it.

[blurrytroubles-blog]

31/12/2017 16:24

this year was one giant mess: so much hurt, pain and many tears i’ve shed. wasted time, money and potential i’ll never get back but i believe i’ve learned from my mistakes. i strayed from myself many times and tried to find her again, sometimes successful, other times not.

aside from losing myself, i also lost a couple of close friends but i grew closer to the ones that remained. i even reunited with my best friend from year two. i’m so thankful for the four heartbeats that have my back. 

despite all the fights and all the hatred, i love my parents dearly and i’m grateful for everything and i hope i can repay them someday, sooner rather than later.

i hope 2018 will be the year i focus on my goals and becomea a better version of myself. 

[blurrytroubles-blog]

31/12/2017 8:14

i couldn’t sleep so i was up until 3 re-thinking my life choices. when i woke up at 7 it was because of the period cramps and painkillers won’t work so i don’t think i’ll catch any more sleep... sigh.

[blurrytroubles-blog]

29/12/2017 14:54

i can’t believe it’s friday already. why does time have to fly this fast? only five months left until i (hopefully) finished high school. my two friends encouraged me to really think about which study i’m going to choose. after three days of seriously considering the possibilities, i’m pretty sure what i want: actuarial science, and after i got my bachelor degree i'll have to do two masters. i just hope my skills in mathematics are enough. 

[blurrytroubles-blog]

28/12/2017 20:01

i had the weirdest but still most wonderful dream this morning. 

we were in the future and secret agents had been trying to find a distant relative of the pope so they could clone him and replace him to gain control over the world. they found a boy who happened to be the great-grandson of a sibling of the pope at my school and they kidnapped him to experiment with his genes. the boy had a cousin at the school and later he was kidnapped as well. 

one of the secret agents was very attractive and somewhere in his early twenties. he wanted information on the boys from me and blah blah we fell in love. when the attractive operative got all the information he needed from me, the organization ordered him to wipe my memories with some sort of shotgun. i didn’t want him to do that because ‘we were in love’ and i didn’t want to forget about him. i fleed and he chased me for a while. i tried to hide in my home but he practically cornered me: i was in my room with the door closed and there was no way out.  he was standing right outside and i told him i would surrender if he granted me one last wish, and he agreed. i opened the door and we kissed deeply and dramatically,  followed by a hug before he said ‘this won’t hurt, i’m sorry’ and he shot me on the side of my head with the memory wiping device. 

later i woke up in the hospital (because the memory wipe gun makes you faint) but my memories were still intact. i immediately got up and ran towards the elevator to find my cute secret agent boyfriend. he was actually disguised as a nutrition assistant in the hospital to check up on me and when he looked me in the eye and realised i didn’t forget who he was and what happened, i woke up.

looking back on this dream, it would make an awesome book. 

[blurrytroubles-blog]

28/12/2017 15:48

when your earphones, charger, and phone all broke in less than one week and you just sit there in your room thinking about why the fuck everything has to go wrong :) :) :). i’m more hurt because of the fact i spent 2016′s summer working so hard for the phone and i fucking broke it. i don’t even know how to tell my parents and i don’t know where i’ll get the money from to repair it. also, a couple days ago i’d decided i’d try to keep up a diary again and this seemed the perfect time for it since i can’t write in my notes on my phone.