bonespoup

[bonespoup]

I'm so fucking stupid and I can't remember anything and I'm so fucking confused and I hate living and it's not real it's all pointless i want to fucking die I'm so stupid and I feel sick and I can't remember anything and it's so scary and overwhelming

[bonespoup]

my mood swings are so fucking extreme

like 10 minutes ago i was happy and proud of myself cuz I did my english homework

now I'm back to feeling like shit and wanting to aliven't

I'm so overwhelmed (even by the english homework even tho it's done)

I want to die

[bonespoup]

I'm so fucking tired and everything that I know just happened feels like some dream and I'm exhausted and yesterday I decided I was gonna kms tonight but now I don't feel like it and idk how to move on

[bonespoup]

I really fucking want tomorrow to be my last. I want to be done. I'm fucking done. I hate living so much. everything is so fucking overwhelming and im sick of it. I'm done tomorrow is my last day.

[bonespoup]

I'm so fucking sick of everything I'm tired of this I don't want to deal with it anymore it's so overwhelming and I don't want it I want to be fucking dead

[bonespoup]

ow I fucking hate everything I want to die everything sucks I always feel like shit it hurts I want to stop its not even real anyway life is fucking pointless and stupid and I feel like shit and there's no point of living and I can't remember anything and im always confused and nothing makes sense and I can't remember and I hate it I want to die

[bonespoup]

:(

I'm so fucking confused

I'm not processing or remembering 9r understanding anything rn and it fucking sucks

apparently I'm eating a pop tart woth coffee rn but I don't rlly understand what's happening or when or why I decided to leave my room to come eat a pop tart

[bonespoup]

I feel angry confused and suicidal

[bonespoup]

I'm so fucking upset

i don't know what's happening and I'm confused and overwhelmed and angry

nothing is real but it's overwhelming and angry and I hate it I want to be done

I want to kms but I can't get any more extra meds cuz my parents were in the kitchen so I couldn't get to the medicine cabinet

[bonespoup]

I'm trying to find out where I can get the j&j vaccine cuz its only one shot but I'm legit starting to panic even thinking about it cuz ✨trauma✨ and im terrified of needles and shots and I want to fucking die now, none of this is real anyway it hasn't been for a while I want to be done cuz I don't want to deal with all this bullshit especially for no reason

#at least o finally got a shower after like 2 weeks

[bonespoup]

I'm so fucking confused and nothing makes sense and I keep forgetting stuff including apparently something I literally just said and the fact I even said anything which is really confusing and overwhelming and I'm tired of dealing with all this bullshit when it's not even real I want out

[bonespoup]

my therapist said he wants me to work on cleaning my room and I don't feel like I can cuz lately I haven't had any motivation and I keep getting way too fucking overwhelmed and I'm always tired even when I have a shit ton of energy (which doesn't make sense but it is what it is) and I don't feel like I can clean my room and I can't even take a shower or brush my teeth cuz lack of motivation and energy plus sensory issues so it probably won't get done, I can't think and nothing even feels real anyway

[bonespoup]

I feel horrible and shit doesn't feel real and my memory is fucked and I can't think

I was gonna vent more but I forgot what else I was gonna say cuz my thoughts don't even make sense

[bonespoup]

I want to start smoking weed and I want a gf to sit on the picnic table and smoke with while looking at stars

(currently smoking mugwort with newspaper atm lmao)

[bonespoup]

I'm so fuckkng tired and confused and lost and I want to sleep but blood??? want more blood cuz then I might feel better. still not really real tho :/

[bonespoup]

I'm tired and confused and detached from reality and I'm bleeding now

[bonespoup]

literally I only remember 2 things from the psych appt this morning. that they are gonna increase my dose, dr eadline used they pronouns for me once even tho he doesn't know I'm enby and dr joe was misgendering/deadnaming me