breathe-contemplate-respond-blog

[breathe-contemplate-respond-blog]

What has become of him? A man tortured with fear and pain of the future and past. One man who chooses not to live in the present and make himself one with reality. This man has lived the short life. Eighteen years old. Never left the comfort of his home. What does he know of life? He has not been enlightened with what he calls reality, just a skewed version of what he believes to be a reality. Pleasures of the senses and mind corrupt his heart and soul. But let us not decide his fate now based off of childish reasoning. The point he has come to is only a beginning of a new chapter. His life is only going to become more troublesome yet satisfactory each new day to come. Let us dive deeper into the mind of one such man to find his source of reasoning.

Troubled is his heart. Burdened by the thought of pain and suffering of another. One whom he considered a responsibility to his own hurts from decisions he made. He feels responsible for her pain. He wonders what he could have done to make it right. But he is incapable of coming to the realization that it is not his fault. He was miserable being by her side and made the decision to pull away. He felt pain daily. Lust. Greed. Manipulation. These course through the veins of both for reasons only known to themselves. For she, I cannot say. He had his own reasons. He was not proud. His love for her was conditional. It was not true. It was a figment of his dreams and wants but he could not have it. He cared for her, but he could not see himself living his life with her. She wasn’t the one. People told him time and time again to live in today, not yesterday or tomorrow. This man was incapable of such. Anxieties and worries corrupted his mind and made him crazy with the thought. He pushed her away. He believed things that were not true and he was the fool. He was the fault. She had her flaws he could not handle. He failed. He failed them all. You will hear stories of their time. But that is all they are. Stories. Tales to be told for lessons on why not to fall in love with a man or woman who cannot be true or give you the love you deserve. But as we continue on our journey of the mind, be attentive of your own heart, to judge yourself in these cases. To ask the question, is this me? Am I the troubled man who does not feel the love he should feel?

What is Love? The Corinthians put it as kind, just, truthful, unselfish, slow to anger, respectful. In the case of Our main focus and his counterpart, we can dissect the relationship and make note of the absences of many qualities of love. For a time, he cared deeply for this girl. He prematurely felt she was his soul mate, the one to live with him for eternity. Time began to pass and the true colors began to bleed through. He began to distance himself. He believed that making himself unbearable would make her hate him. It only made her cling to him more. Time and time again he resented her. He wanted to leave her and move on. He began to despise her. The nagging in her voice, the manipulation, the advantage she took of him. His love crumbled and burned. What was his reason? Fear gripped his heart. He worried of a day for the future where they would become both their parents. Constant hate and disagreement, Anger and deceit, lies and manipulation. He was frightened by his future with her. He ran away from it, like a coward. He can say what he wants but there will never be a day that passes when he feels responsible for heartbreak and ruin. A month has passed. The cut is still fresh in his heart. He bleeds sorrow and anguish. He finds no joy or hope. Life passes on, and each day leaves it wear more than the last.

The story you hear is not one of sorrow. It does not ask of your pity. It only asks that you understand the pain and leave it at that. This is a message to the ones who search for love: do not lose faith. Your time will come. You will be happy, whether you find someone or not. You be yourself. You won’t find anyone else you are able to love if you can’t love yourself. That’s the first step to happiness. Happiness is a tricky feeling. It goes and comes like the wind. Find that one breeze and enjoy it now. Don’t wait for the next one and not live in the moment. Remember this tale, and apply it to your own story. Don’t be the fool who runs away and blames himself for things. Don’t hold onto your mistakes and carry them around like luggage. Live. Breathe. Relax. Life will only happen once. Use your time wisely