briamichellewrites

[briamichellewrites]

51

Elton John saw himself in Bria. Though they had different childhoods, he still saw a girl wanting to be loved. He learned about her BPD diagnosis and what it meant for her. It was similar to what he went through. He struggled with alcoholism, drug addiction, self-medicating with men, and an eating disorder. What was her illness called? Borderline Personality Disorder. He would have to look into it. After reaching out, she invited him over to hang out with her and Mike.

He tried not to be star-struck by him. They talked about her childhood, her biological parents, and her ability to play music by ear. It was the same gift that he had. At the age of four, he started playing the piano. She was at boarding school when she first became aware of her gift. How old was she? She was maybe ten years old. Her parents paid for her to have lessons.

She also had voice lessons. Where did she go to school?

“I went to school at Saint George’s Boarding School in Montreux, Switzerland. I was five when I first started going there and I stayed until I was eighteen.”

“Why did you go to boarding school?”

“I have ADHD with hyperactivity. I needed a school that had stability and a routine. I couldn’t get that in LA. It was a great experience because I got to meet classmates from different countries and cultures. The great thing was that the teachers lived with us at the school. So, we could go to them if we needed help with our schoolwork.”

She was a fairly good student with good grades. Her parents wanted her to have good grades, though they didn’t punish her if she got a C or lower. It was more about finding out ways to help her understand the material. Her hardest subject was math. It was boring, so she couldn’t concentrate on the lessons. Her mind wandered. Then, she didn’t understand what she had been taught because she wasn’t paying attention. They laughed.

She loved performing on stage. They had a theater class, in which she participated. She learned how to project her voice without shouting, how to read scripts, and how to act. Did she have any other lessons? Yes, she also took dance classes. Hip hop, and ballet. She wasn’t great at ballet because she often stumbled, but it was still fun.

Would she send her children to boarding school? No, it was too far away. She would send them to public school. Being away from her parents was hard at times. She missed them. If she had children, she would want them closer to her at home. They could understand that.

Elton met her animals when they came in to say hi. Anya wanted to climb up on her lap. She bent over and picked her up. Woody brushed himself against her leg. I want attention, too! Mike bent down and picked him up. He then set him on her lap. Thank you, human. She pointed out who was who. They were like her four-legged children. Elton was an animal lover, so he said hello to them.

Hi, human! Bark! Bria asked Woody if he was being nice to his sister. Meow. They laughed. Was that a yes or a no? She liked to think it was a yes. Was he having trouble with the kitten? Sometimes he seemed annoyed by her. It was a case of Only Cat Syndrome. What was that? She just made it up. It was jealousy after being the only cat for years. They laughed. Missy and Buddy got along great together from the first day. They did everything together.

They fought like brothers and sisters. Sometimes it was play fighting and sometimes it was because they had something the other one wanted. How could she tell when they were play fighting? They didn’t have aggression or anger. When they were playing fighting, they had big grins on their faces. They also chased each other. If they were angry, they wouldn’t come over when they were called.

Elton asked about her anger. What was that like? She used a lot of f-bombs. They laughed.

“When she gets angry, it’s because she’s afraid that someone is going to leave her. ‘How dare you hurt me. I love you.’ You can feel the pain in her voice. She’s been angry with me a couple of times. When she does, she beats herself up over it and I have to reassure her that I don’t hate her for it. She is never physical. It’s all verbal. The last time, she walked away then came back a few minutes later and apologized.”

She didn’t want to be angry. It was just the emotion she thought was appropriate at the time. She was working on her anger and how to control it in therapy. He never held it against her because he knew she couldn’t help it. Her biggest fear was abandonment. The first time he experienced her anger was when he told her he was going home because he was stressed out. He sent her a text message telling her where he was going and why.

Her response made him believe she was not happy with him. She confirmed that when she sent him another text later on apologizing. Her friend made her see how he was not leaving her. Borderline Personality Disorder was new to Elton. They didn’t have that diagnosis when he was younger but it sounded like what he was going through.

Mike encouraged him to learn about it. It was a complicated illness, especially for her. It made her believe things that were not true. It also caused her to have intense emotions, whether they were good or bad. They were watching her because she was at risk of developing alcoholism or a drug addiction, due to her illness and her biological parents. He wrote down the name of the illness on a piece of paper for him. Thank you.

Anya meowed. She didn’t know what they were talking about. All she wanted was attention. Bria petted her. Thank you, human. They laughed. Could he see her? Yeah! She handed him her kitten. What was her name? Anya. It was short for Anastasia. What breed was she? She was a Siberian, Woody was a Domestic Shorthair, Missy was a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel and Buddy was a Cavapoo.

Mike hoped he would get the answers he was looking for. He deserved to have a healthy mind. At fifty-seven years old, he still had a long life ahead of him. His genius came from trauma and mental illness. Just like Bria. Even though he wished he had that genius, he didn’t want the mental health issues that come with it. Even though he was star-struck, he also saw the man behind Elton John. There was a child inside of him who wanted to be loved.

It also reminded him of Chester. He was a genius, though he would never believe it. It was sad what mental illness could do to people. Anya purred happily, making them laugh. Bria shared the story of what happened the other day. She had a few friends over and they were in the living room. Woody was sitting next to her on the couch.

She reached over to pet him. He got spooked when he felt her touch. So, he jumped up scaring her. She screamed as he ran off. It was hilarious. She then got up and walked over to make sure he was okay. Was he angry with her? No, he quickly forgave her and let her pet him. Mike laughed. It was hilarious when it happened because it was so unexpected. They all thought she was adorable when she went over and apologized to him.

“He licked his paw like he was trying to play it cool”, she said.

They laughed. Yes, cats were easily startled making for funny moments. Thankfully, he wasn’t affected or offended by being startled. At the moment, he was more interested in watching the dogs and making sure they behaved themselves. They were. Missy brought her bed over and was lying on it happily while Buddy was lying on the floor. They had gone outside for a while and were now content with relaxing.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

50

My energy level is zero. That’s what Bria told Jon and Brad when they found her lying on the couch. She was so hyped up, she made herself tired. Was it depression? No, just a very low battery. Jon got the feeling she was being dramatic, so he sat down in front of her. It was two in the afternoon. He made sure she went to bed the previous night because he was not going to stay awake with her all night. When he left to have lunch with Brad, she was bouncing around downstairs.

She was trying to decide where she wanted to eat. That was a few hours ago. Did she eat something? Yes, cat food. Why did she eat cat food? She was just joking. It was the only thing aside from dog food she had at the house.

“Don’t you go grocery shopping or have someone grocery shop for you”, Brad asked.

“No. I eat out two to three times a day.”

“How can you afford that?”

“Bria is a multi-billionaire who will never run out of money”, Jon explained.

“Are you serious?”

Yes. She inherited her parents’ wealth when they died. Her wealth was growing with her music career. He did not know that. Jon went back to the issue at hand. He told her to get up, brush her hair, get dressed, and go eat lunch. They would be there when she got back. She got up and excused herself to do that. Brad laughed.

She was probably very hungry but didn’t realize it. That was why she was low on energy. She came down after ten minutes dressed and her hair brushed. Her outfit looked great. She was wearing a T-shirt, pants and jacket. Why was she dressed up? Because Nobu had a dress code. She was going to call Mike and see if he wanted to meet her there. Could he afford to eat there? No, but she loved spoiling him. She loved spoiling all of her friends because they never asked for anything from her.

No, Mike was busy. She called him while sitting in her car. He would love to go but he was working on new music with Jay Z and Brad. She jokingly called him a bitch, making him laugh. Joe, Brad, Rob, Phoenix, and Chester were also busy. As was Linsey. Adrien was available, so he agreed to meet her there. Awesome. She would grab a table for them.

Fucking ditching me for Jay Z. Asshole. JK. – Bria

Mike laughed when he got her text message. He shared it with the group. Brad found it funny, but Jay Z had so many questions. That was just her sense of humor. She called them assholes as a term of endearment. Oh, okay. Mike got the idea she added JK to let him know not to worry about her. He would still check in with her later.

Brad and Jon continued hanging out with the animals. They took the dogs outside to get exercise and use the bathroom. Her backyard was fenced in, so she didn’t have to worry about coyotes or other predators. Brad was impressed with the house the more time he spent in it. It was unique and well done. She and her friend left no stone unturned. They had an eye for detail. He could hear the waves hitting the beach below. Bark! Bark! He turned around to see one of the dogs chasing the other.

He couldn’t remember their names. One was older than the other and was wearing a dress. She was chasing her brother around the yard. Buddy stopped momentarily to see if Missy was still behind him. She was, so he continued running. Haha! You can’t catch me! Missy barked. Get back here! She growled, making him growl back. It was a playful growl. He ran over to her.

She swung her paw at him but missed. Her arms were too short and he was too far away. He smiled at her with his tongue out. After a while, they were both called back inside. They followed the humans into the house. They were both thirsty, anyway so they went over to their water bowls.

Adrien had fun eating with Bria. It felt like an unofficial date. This time, she wasn’t approached by any celebrities. He paid for what he could afford while she got the rest. That was how she did it with her friends. Was she sure? Yes. Okay, then he didn’t feel so guilty. The food was very good. Ten out of ten! The restaurant wasn’t too busy since it was a weekday. That meant faster service.

When they got back to her place, he was introduced to Jon and Brad who were in her kitchen. She told Jon not to interrogate him while she went upstairs and changed clothes. He promised not to. Adrien laughed. No, he didn’t interrogate him. They mostly talked about lunch.

She invited him to join her. It was very good food. Where did he meet Bria? It was at In-and-Out Burger. She was there with a friend and he got her phone number. When she came down, she had on the same shirt with sweatpants and a matching zip-up hoodie. She was in a more energetic mood. Did she invite Mike to join her for lunch? She did but he and Brad ditched her for Jay Z.

They were doing something with him. He might come over later. Everyone except Adrien declined. She looked down when she felt a paw on her leg. Anya. She had a stuffed rabbit in her mouth. It was the dogs’ but she stole it from them.

She picked her up and held her in her arms. Jon let her know that he and Brad took the dogs out. Awesome! She took the rabbit from her mouth and held it out to her. Anya grabbed it with her paws and held it against her chest. My rabbit. How was her energy level? It was ten out of ten. They laughed. Did she always have high energy? Mostly, yes. It was part of her BPD diagnosis. What was that?

“It’s an illness where you are hyper-sensitive to rejection and abandonment. You push people away because your mind tells you they’re leaving you. But then you beg them to stay with you. You’re also hypersensitive to emotions. Good or bad. It’s ‘go away I hate you. Come back. I love you.’ It’s a very difficult illness. You latch onto people you think are perfect. Then, you discard them. It could be friends or relationships. You do that to protect yourself from being abandoned.”

Jon and Dorothea were learning everything they could about it. Her friends were amazing because they let her express her emotions and they reassured her that they were never going to leave her. They also did everything they could to learn how to help her. Her illness affected how she saw the world. She had black-and-white thinking. Was it genetic?

Hers was genetic from her birth mother. It was also developed from childhood trauma. She also had PTSD, ADHD, anxiety and depression. Her birth mother had Borderline Personality Disorder and schizophrenia, along with childhood abuse and domestic violence.

She was an open book, so they could ask her whatever and she would not be offended. What was her PTSD from? September eleventh. She was in New York near the Twin Towers when it happened. She was fully recovered from that and had zero symptoms. It took years of therapy to get to that point. She took everything moment by moment because she never knew what emotion she would have next. If they wanted to learn more about BPD, she encouraged them to look online. They would do that.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

49

Phoenix and Linsey ran into one of his ex-boyfriends while eating dinner at a restaurant. The first thing he felt was panic. He looked for a way out. She noticed his anxiety and asked what was wrong. He pointed out his ex and explained who he was. She had him take deep breaths to help calm him down. He did that but it wasn’t working. They were still eating, so they couldn’t leave. Linsey had him get up. She got her purse and walked over to the attendant at the podium.

She explained that her husband was having a panic attack and needed fresh air. They took her credit card, so they couldn’t walk out without paying. Phoenix was not expecting her to do that, but he was thankful she did. They would be back in a few minutes. Outside, they sat down while he worked on his breathing. He also focused his attention on his five senses.

Five minutes later, he felt calm. He hugged and thanked her. You are welcome. They went back inside after she made sure he was okay. It was the first time in a long time that he had a panic attack. He could feel it coming because he felt anxious and an overwhelming sense of fear. His heart was racing. Now, he felt a lot better. They checked in with the attendant, so she would know they were back. She returned her credit card, which she was still holding onto.

“Babe, I am so proud of you for telling me what you were feeling. Keep telling me because I want to know so I can help you.”

He nodded. “I will. I just need to remind myself of that. Thank you for your quick thinking.”

Even though he was still anxious, he was able to have a good time. It was supposed to be a relaxing date night and he didn’t want to ruin that. How did he get so lucky to have married Linsey? He would never understand why she chose him but he was happy she did. His ex-boyfriends would have made fun of him for being weak. It took years of work to get to where he was.

Jon returned to Bria’s after a long day at the studio. She was having fun entertaining Matt and his two friends, Brad Pitt and George Clooney in the living room. Jon and Brad used to be friends in the eighties and nineties but lost contact through the years. They were surprised to see each other. After exchanging a hug, they sat down together. Bria joked that after all the years she had known Jon, he never once mentioned he knew Brad Pitt! How fucking dare you!

They laughed. How did she know Jon? Her parents had a house next door to his in Middletown. They used to visit every once in a while. She had known him since she was five. Did she grow up in LA or New Jersey? She grew up in LA and Montreux, Switzerland where she went to boarding school. Why did she go to boarding school? She had ADHD, so boarding school gave her the stability she needed.

She was able to have a consistent routine every day. The teachers lived at the school with them, so they were available after school to help with their schoolwork. Did she have classes in English or another language? They were taught in English, though they learned French since the municipality was French. She also learned Spanish. It was a great experience because she met classmates from different parts of the world. But, she would never send her children there.

It was too far away. They could see that. Meow. Anya climbed down from the cat tree and came over to the humans. She picked her up and sat her on her lap.

“How is Anya”, Jon asked.

“She’s awesome. Woody accepted her, as did Buddy and Missy.”

“Where are they?”

“They’re around here somewhere. All you have to do is open a bag of something and they’ll come running from wherever they’re hiding.”

They laughed. How many pets did she have? She had a kitten, Anya; a cat, Woody; and two dogs, Missy and Buddy. Woody was her oldest. George asked about his name. He was named after Woody from Toy Story. Anya didn’t know where they were, either because she had been taking a nap. They were around somewhere.

Since she was a kitten, she needed her sleep to grow big and strong! Meow. Woody came in after going around the house looking for Anya. She looked down at him and meowed. He looked up at her. There you are! I’ve been looking all over for you! She was taking a nap in the cat tree. That’s why he couldn’t find her! He hopped up to where she was and sat down. After gently biting her neck, he brought her down to the floor. He then hopped back up and sat down.

“Did you just steal your sister’s spot, dude”, Bria asked.

They laughed. It was his spot! She stole it from him!

“I just had a random memory. A handful of years ago, I was at either Nobu or the Chateau Marmont and I saw you hanging out with a bunch of your friends”, she said to Brad.

“Why didn’t you come over and say hi?”

“I was with my parents and only sixteen. That literally just popped into my head.”

“How old are you now?”

“Don’t even think about it”, Jon jokingly warned him.

They laughed. She was twenty-two and the youngest of her friends. Twenty-two was still very young. George asked about the house. She designed it. He asked about that, so she went over how she had an idea. She shared it with her friend, Jason who was going to graduate school to be a landscape architect. He listened to her ideas and he helped her hire contractors. It was her dream house.

What was the barn used for? They noticed it when they were driving in. She was using it for storage, though she was going to eventually get horses. Her garage had a guest apartment with two bedrooms and a bathroom. The main house had four bedrooms and two bathrooms. Did they want a tour? Yes! They got up and followed her. Bark! Wait for us, humans! Missy and Buddy didn’t know what they were doing, but they wanted to come with them!

Brad was extremely proud of Phoenix! He expressed that he needed help. How was he doing now? He was doing a lot better. Could he feel his panic attack coming? Yeah, he felt like he needed to escape. It was an overwhelming sensation of fear. His heart was pounding. He was able to identify that he was having a panic attack, even though he couldn’t verbalize it.

He just recognized the symptoms. Did his ex-boyfriend say anything to him? No, he just caught his eye and everything he went through came back. He remembered the abuse and gaslighting. It took about five minutes before he could calm himself down.

He took deep breaths and focused on his five senses, instead of his fear. Good for him. He had come a long way and he should be proud of himself. I am. Thank you. One day, he wouldn’t be afraid anymore. That was something he was working towards. Brad reminded him not to push himself. Let things happen gradually. He was trying to do that. One day at a time. That was correct.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

48

The more Jon spent with Bria, the more he saw how her illness affected her. She seemed to do better when she wasn’t alone. That was when the voices in her mind were the loudest. Mike agreed with that statement. It was something he and Phoenix also noticed. How was she when they were in Dubai? She was full of energy and happiness. They did have one incident where she got annoyed with him because he cut her off from shopping.

He had to explain in detail how expensive it would be to get everything home. She apologized to him. Once it was over, they moved on. He never took it personally because he knew she couldn’t help it. She also apologized and acknowledged when she was wrong. There was another incident before they went to Dubai. He went home for a weekend to visit his parents.

He was going through some things and was stressed out. Yes, Jon remembered that. He was able to get her to see how he wasn’t leaving her.

“Oh, yeah. Thank you for doing that. That was her first experience with BPD. I was expecting it because I remember reading about it online. She apologized. That’s the best thing about her. She understands that her mind makes her believe things that aren’t true and she can take responsibility. Instead of doubling down and blaming others.”

She had a couple of guys who were interested in her. He had to help her with that. What did he do? He just wanted her to be honest with them, so she didn’t accidentally lead them on. They seemed okay with knowing there was another guy. What about him? No, he couldn’t do that to her. He had to be the person she went to and he was afraid of ruining their friendship if they ever broke up. She got angry at him for seventy-two hours.

Then, she became okay with him just being her friend. Jon thought he had good intentions. He could see how he was scared about her cutting him out. You can’t be a hero, Mike. He couldn’t save her. She had to do that herself. He nodded and agreed he was right. She came into the studio with the animals following behind her. They said hello to them.

She had been upstairs styling her hair. It was being a pain in the ass, so she decided to leave it alone. It looked good the way it was. Before she sat down, Woody jumped up and claimed her seat. Meow. She picked him up and set him on her lap. Hey, I was sitting here! She petted his fur. Okay. You win, human! They laughed. She was thinking about getting a kitten for Woody. What breed of kitten? Probably a short hair.

However, she also liked Siberians. She pulled up a picture of the breed on the computer and showed it to them. They had long coats because they came from Russia, hence their name. Their breed was dog-like and friendly. They both thought they were beautiful. Woody looked at the cat on the screen. He hopped up on the desk and tried to find the cat.

He pawed at the screen before running off. They laughed. Cats were goofy sometimes. He would be back sooner or later, especially when he got hungry.

The following day, she and Jon came home with a twelve-week-old Tabby Siberian kitten named, Anya. They found a certified breeder, who took great care of both the mother and father. She was beautiful but a little nervous. Where am I human? Meow. The animals came over to investigate. She held Anya in her hands after sitting down, so she couldn’t escape. Jon got down on the floor with them and watched as they sniffed the new kitten out. Meow. Hi, I’m Anya!

The animals introduced themselves to her. Woody, Buddy, and Missy. Missy noticed she had a human name like her. Meow. Bark. Jon helped Bria set up the gate and everything Anya needed. She was going to separate her from her siblings for twenty-four hours to help her adjust. That was a good idea. Did she do that with her other pets? Yes. The vet recommended it.

That way, they could sniff each other out while making them feel safe. Cats were territorial, so they were more likely to get angry at anyone who got into their space. Anya was placed inside the gate with all of her stuff. She went around and explored while sniffing everything.

I got a new kitten! Her name is Anya! – Bria

She took a picture of the kitten and sent it to everyone. Cute! She was beautiful! They couldn’t wait to meet her, so she invited everyone over to hang out with her and Jon. They accepted her invitation. Jon could see genuine happiness on her face. It was because of her animals. They gave her unconditional love. Something she couldn’t give herself.

Since everyone was coming over, she decided to order pizzas to be delivered. She needed two vegan pizzas, one meat lover, and one cheese. He told her to stop and take a deep breath because she was running around like a chicken with his head cut off. She did as instructed. It made her feel a lot better. She got up, closed the gate, and went over to the phone to order the pizzas. Along with two 2-liter bottles of Diet Coke and Coke.

Meow. Bark! Bark! Missy and Buddy were at the door to greet their guests. Hi, humans! Hi, humans! They had to be held back, so they didn’t jump on their legs. They went into the living room, where she gently picked up Anya and held her out for them to see. She handed her to Phoenix, who held her up like The Lion King. They laughed. He was an animal lover, so he loved cats.

They caught up with how they were doing. Jon was in town to record his new album with Bon Jovi. He came a few days early, so he could see Bria and Phoenix. At home, he and his wife had a newborn child. They named him, Romeo Jon. How many children did they have? Four. Three boys and a girl. It was loud and crazy, but he didn’t regret it. They laughed. Linkin Park was taking a break until early 2006. That was when they were going to record their next album.

Bria got up when the doorbell rang. It was the pizza delivery guy. Jon gave her five dollars for a tip. Phoenix went to see if she needed help. The delivery driver thanked her for the tip before she closed the door. They all got up and walked into the kitchen. They could smell the pizzas! She set them out and opened them up, so they could see which one was which.

“Two vegans, one cheese and one meat lovers.”

“Bria, you spoil us. Thank you”, Rob said.

“You’re welcome. I love spoiling you guys.”

She got out plates, napkins, and some forks. After grabbing what they wanted, they sat down in the dining room. She was in an entertaining mood. Linsey sat beside her with Phoenix on the other side. They all remembered to be aware of a certain cat trying to steal their food. Meow! No, I’m not! They laughed as Woody proclaimed his innocence. He grumbled and walked over to his food dish.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

47

“Bria, stop bouncing around and come over here.”

Bria bounced back to where her parents were visiting with Jon at his home in New Jersey. She had a lot of energy and they didn’t want her to accidentally break something. At six years old, she had trouble staying still for long periods of time. Her body had to move around. Her mother told her that she had to be careful because they weren’t at home. She sat back down with her toys. Jon laughed, as they apologized to him. It wasn’t a problem.

He enjoyed having her come over because she was a great kid! She was curious about everything and she loved interacting with animals. They brought her to a farm where she got to meet horses, chickens, cats, dogs and cows. She wasn’t afraid of anything. The other children were afraid of the horses and cows because they were bigger than them. She talked to them like they were old friends.

They didn’t have cows in Los Angeles. Or chickens. She got down and watched them peck the ground looking for food. Cluck. Cluck. She held out her hand. A chicken came over and pecked it. Nothing. He walked off in search of food. She laughed at it pecking her hand. The farm was a great way for her to learn about different animals while getting her energy out. She got so dirty from sitting on the ground but she didn’t care.

Sometimes her parents didn’t know if they had a daughter or a son because she was unlike any girl they knew. She was unlike any child they knew. Bria had a natural curiosity and need for information. Her mind was constantly taking in everything.

Bria was on the news for donating five hundred thousand dollars to breast cancer research. Adrien stopped what he was doing when he heard that. Oh my god! That money would help a lot of people! Something he didn’t know when he met her was that she was from a very wealthy family. Her parents were multi-billionaires when they died in 1998. He was from a working-class family. His father was a retired school teacher and his mother was a well-known photographer.

He was an only child, as was Bria. That she knew of. While talking about their backgrounds, she told him about her birth parents and being adopted. Her biological mother was imprisoned in a mental health ward for the rest of her life. She had no idea what happened to her biological father. Did she want to know? Not really. She just hoped he was unable to hurt anyone else.

Her adoptive parents were killed by a driver under the influence of drugs and alcohol. She was given everything they owned once she graduated from school. What did they do for work? Her father was an investor and her mother was a makeup designer. She had nothing but wonderful things to say about her parents. They did everything they could for her. They taught her about giving back to people who were less fortunate than her.

During an interview for People magazine regarding her surgery, she talked about why she did it. She agreed to the interview because she wanted to spread awareness of getting yearly checkups, even if there weren’t any symptoms of cancer. Her implants were to help her self-esteem and to make her feel more like a woman.

She had to have regular checkups with an oncologist to make sure the cancer hadn’t returned. Because of her young age of twenty-two, she never thought she would have to deal with breast cancer. She had to humble herself and admit she was wrong. Her oncologist explained that breast cancer could happen at any age, even in children. It could also occur in men. She asked that everyone who was at risk go to the doctor. It was better to be safe than sorry.

Her interview was well received. She was informative and honest. Instead of denying she had surgery, she admitted to it. Renè quietly got treatment for throat cancer in 1999. He also had to have regular checkups to make sure the cancer hadn’t returned. It was a very scary disease.

Jon and Dorothea were proud of her for being open with the public. He was in sporadic contact with her. It wasn’t anything personal. He had a newborn baby at home. Romeo Jon was his and Dorothea’s last child. Four was enough. He got a vasectomy to prevent getting another woman pregnant. Newborns were demanding and he gave his wife a lot of credit for taking care of things around the house.

He and the band were back in LA, so he wanted to see her and Phoenix. Phoenix was also very busy. He married Linsey after proposing to her impulsively. They were waiting to start their family because they wanted to be married for a while. He couldn’t wait to be a father! When he wasn’t at home, he was participating in Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, going to church, hanging out with his sponsor, working out, and running different events around LA.

He had another year of sobriety and he was so proud of himself! Jon congratulated him on doing so well! Thank you! How was being married? It was wonderful! Linsey kicked his ass and encouraged him. They were not going to have an open marriage. That was fine with him. He respected that, though Dorothea would always refer to him as his boyfriend. Phoenix laughed.

Bria? She was up and down. He asked her about her surgery.

“Yeah. I did that to eliminate the diagnosis of breast cancer. I found out that I’m at risk because of my genetics. At first, I wasn’t going to get the implants. Until I spoke with my therapist about how I would handle not having them. She thought getting the implants would help with my self-esteem and after going through the pain and discomfort, they do.”

“Dorothea and I are both one hundred percent behind you because it’s your body. We’re proud of you for talking about it.”

“Thank you. People can be horrible sometimes and I never wanted attention on my body. By addressing it, I hoped that people would stop talking about it.”

People could be horrible. How was her mental health? She was still learning. Every time she had an episode, she worked through it with her therapist. She had one episode where she cut off communication with everyone for about seventy-two hours. Renè and Céline had stayed the night with her. They then left the next morning because they had other things to do in LA.

She had a feeling of emptiness, so she texted everyone asking if they could hang out. They all said no because they were busy. She took it as rejection and she got very angry with them. Mike experienced her episodes before, so he had a suspicion that was what happened. They waited for her to reach out. When she did, she apologized to them because she felt horrible. They all reassured her that no, they were not angry with her.

It was one step forward, two steps back. Just like addiction recovery. Jon would always remember her as the little girl she used to be. She was still inside her. Seventeen years had gone by so fast. One minute she was five. The next, she was an adult. He took in every moment – the good and the bad with her because he didn’t want to lose it.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

46

2004. The media was quick to point out Bria’s chest. She was forced to put out a statement saying she had a full double mastectomy with implants because she was at risk of developing breast cancer. It started when she visited her doctor for a routine yearly physical. Since it was routine, she didn’t tell anyone about the appointment. Until she found out about her having a high risk of developing cancer. She talked about her options with Mike, Brad, and Renè who they talked to over a conference call.

It was her body. They would respect any decision she made. She decided to do the surgery after finding out more information about her options. The surgeon went over step by step the procedure to alleviate anxiety. She asked Brad and Mike to let the band know, just in case the worst happened during surgery. Was she sure? Yes.

Cancer. It was one of the most horrible things to be diagnosed with. They all hoped and prayed for her to be okay. She was anxious, so they helped distract her. Linsey helped her shop for new underwear to help her boost her self-confidence. It would take weeks for her to recover from the surgery. She was going up a half size, so she needed underwear that fit her new chest. The morning of the surgery, Linsey brought her to the hospital to check-in.

Before she went back, she hugged her and told her she would be there when she woke up. She then followed the nurses back to get prepped. The surgery took six hours to complete because they wanted to be careful about not making any mistakes. She was unable to feel anything because the anesthesia put her to sleep.

She was uncomfortable when she fully woke up. That was completely normal. It would take her a while to get used to her new chest. The nurses helped care for her the five days she was in the hospital. They helped her shower, get dressed, and exercise. She had drains attached to her, which needed to be changed and cleaned regularly. Both she and Linsey were taught how to do that. She was told to take it easy to prevent the stitches from tearing.

That meant no heavy lifting. She couldn’t even lift her cat. It also meant resting whenever she felt tired. She was given a prescription pain medication to take whenever she needed it. When she slept, she put a pillow under her breasts to give them a place to rest. The guys could not tell she had surgery. She looked as beautiful as always.

During a checkup with the oncologist, she learned the cancer cells were completely removed. She would need regular checkups to make sure they didn’t return. If the cancer returned, her options were chemotherapy or radiation depending on where the cancer was located and the staging. Now, the media was talking about her having a boob job. Renè put out a statement confirming the surgery. She did it because she was at risk of developing breast cancer.

The media who were mocking her were forced to apologize. Whether or not she changed her body was nobody’s business.

“It’s fucking disgusting to have attention on my body. I almost had cancer. But they don’t care about that. Anyway, I’m obsessing.”

“You have a right to be upset. It is disgusting. Thankfully, Renè knew how to handle it. How are you doing otherwise”, Mike asked.

“Well, I don’t feel like a truck ran over me anymore. So, that’s a plus.”

He laughed. For the past year, she was up and down with her moods. She was still learning how to communicate what she needed, instead of shutting everyone out for twenty-four to seventy-two hours. Have you heard from Bria? Should we go over and check on her? They were learning how to help her during an episode.

Listen to her and validate her feelings. Show her you’re not leaving her. instead of making promises. Even if they didn’t understand what she was going through. Sometimes she just needed to be in her studio working on music. Whether it was writing or recording music she came up with randomly in her head. It was a great way for her to get out all of her negative emotions. One of the best songs she wrote was given the working title of Growing Up. It was about her battle with mental health.

After being gone for months, Adrien and Matt were back home. Mike advised her to be honest with them, so she didn’t accidentally lead them on. What did she want from them? She didn’t know because she liked both of them. Then, she should be honest about that. Even if it hurt them, they would appreciate her being honest. It was a lot better than lying.

Both Matt and Adrien were thankful for her being open with them. She was not dating them, so she could go out with other guys. They were not going to compete for her. If she chose one of them, they would love that! But if she chose someone else, they would be happy for her.

She was beautiful and could attract almost any guy. Matt jokingly asked her if anyone else had approached her. No, it was just him and Adrien. He was surprised by that because he thought she would have more guys wanting her phone number. She jokingly called him Mister Boston, and he laughed and corrected her. He was actually from Cambridge. Was there a difference?

Cambridge was fifteen minutes from Boston. That was like saying Santa Monica wasn’t LA. It was basically the same thing. He laughed. Has she ever been to Boston? She did a couple of times while on tour but she wanted to go back for the history. He thought she would have a lot of fun then because it had a lot of history! Maybe she would go during the winter. He advised going when it was warmer. Unless she was comfortable walking around in the snow and cold.

It was beautiful in the spring and summer. She would take his word on that. How was her trip to Dubai? It was so awesome! Did she go by herself? No, she went with her three friends. They stayed for a week and a half. She invited anyone who wanted to come. A few of her friends declined because they would be drinking. She was talking about having a ski and snowboarding vacation.

That way, everyone could come. Why didn’t they want to go to Dubai? Two of her friends were recovering alcoholics. The other two didn’t drink because of their religious beliefs. They didn’t want to be around that much alcohol. They didn’t spend the entire time drinking. She got out the pictures she took and showed them to him while pointing out who was who. He pointed out Jason and Mike because they looked like they were related.

“Jason is Mike’s younger brother. Jason is two or three years younger. He and I went to a club. That was so much fun. We didn’t get back until like four in the morning.”

It looked like a very fun trip! Would she go back? Yes, in the future. Maybe she would visit other countries in the Middle East, but only if it was safe. She wanted to see the animals in Africa. Maybe she would go to Abu Dhabi or Egypt. It just depended on where she felt like going. Could he come too? Fuck yeah! He laughed and then thanked her.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

45

Renè and Céline were visiting with Bria and Mike while in town. They noticed she was not as animated as she was the last time they saw her. She and Mike gave them an update on her mental health. Currently, she is learning how to identify her anger so she can work through it without blowing up. What did she do when she was angry? She yelled and used f-bombs. Every time she became angry, she beat herself up. What made her angry? Her fear of abandonment.

Her symptoms came out of nowhere. They learned from her therapist that her symptoms would get worse before they got better. Both Céline and Renè looked into what Borderline Personality Disorder was. It was a very complicated diagnosis. Mike’s biggest concern was her self-medicating with alcohol, drugs, or men. She had a couple of guys she was interested in.

Was she drinking? Yes, socially. She had only been drunk twice. Good. What about drugs? No. She was at risk of developing an addiction because of her genetics and mental health. She was taking her medication and attending therapy once a week.

“Because of her BPD, every emotion is amplified. It could be excitement, happiness, or anger. When she’s happy or excited, she’s on top of the world. She could run a marathon because she has so much energy. One time, she stayed up for three days because she could not calm herself down. Even though she was so exhausted. It’s almost manic energy. When she thinks someone is abandoning her, that’s when the anger comes out. She doesn’t throw things or get physical. Thankfully. It’s all verbal.”

“What about days in between”, Renè asked.

“She does have moments where she’s calm but it can change depending on the situation.”

What helped her was coming into her studio. It was therapeutic for her. She also had friends who came over and helped her with whatever she needed. It could be staying with her while she worked through her energy or listening to her when she was angry. Sometimes, she just needed to cry and be reassured that she wasn’t being abandoned.

What helped them was knowing that it wasn’t her fault. They were learning what she was accountable for, so they didn’t accidentally enable her. What she did or said in anger, she was accountable for. He gave the example of when he told her he didn’t want to date her. She got angry and yelled at him before storming out of his house. A few minutes later, she came back and apologized. He tried contacting her later but she wasn’t answering her phone.

A friend of theirs went over to make sure she was okay. He learned that she wasn’t talking to him because she thought he hated her for blowing up. It was a devastating illness because it made her someone she didn’t want to be. They agreed.

When Brad came in, he joined the conversation. He came from visiting with Rob. They talked about their break up and made sure they were okay. Rob was working through it. He focused his energy on playing the drums. It was a great way of getting out what he was feeling. He also started jogging around the block. It was something his therapist recommended for his stress and anxiety.

Brad was happy to hear that. No matter what, he would always be there for him. He could call him in the middle of the night if he was having trouble. Thank you. He appreciated that.

He was ten minutes late because of traffic. It wasn’t a problem. Mike updated him on what they talked about so far. He agreed with everything that was said. They were talking about having her go back into the studio to work on her new album. It didn’t have to be done at any specific time. They just thought it would give her something to do. Was she working on new music?

“I’m always working on new music”, she joked.

They laughed. Meow! Humans, where are you? Woody heard their voices but he couldn’t figure out where they were coming from. She got up and went out to the hallway. Woody! He looked around until he saw her. There you are! He walked over to her with his tail standing high. After taking a nice nap, he was ready to see what they were doing. The dogs were still asleep, so he couldn’t bother them. Meow! He hopped up on Mike’s lap.

“Why is it always me?”

“Cats love people who hate them. It’s science, Mike”, she said.

They laughed.

“Are you not a cat person”, Renè asked.

“I prefer dogs. Woody isn’t that bad. He’s just annoying.”

“That’s cats for you”, Brad joked.

“He’s an asshole but that’s why I love him.”

They laughed. He put him on her lap. She scratched his head while she pulled up the files on the computer. Thank you, human. She found the file she was looking for. They listened to them one by one. They were good so far. What sound was she going for? It was still adult contemporary but she also played around and experimented.

Meow. Woody pawed at the mouse, making the cursor move. He wanted attention!

“I love you but you’re being very annoying right now.”

Meow!

“Yeah, well. I’m trying to work. You’re just doing this because we have people over. So, you decided to show off and be an asshole.”

“Bria, you’re adorable”, Brad joked.

“You think he would play with the dogs, but no.”

They laughed. Was he always annoying? No, it started after his first birthday. He was in his teenage years, so he was acting out. She was looking into getting a kitten, so she was researching different breeds. Mike joked she would have so many pets, they wouldn’t be able to find her.

Shut up. You sound like Phoenix. He laughed. How many pets would she have? As many as the county of LA would allow her to have. She wanted to retire when she was forty years old and spend the rest of her life taking care of animals. That was her long-term goal. She wanted cats, dogs, horses, fish, birds. It didn’t matter. That’s why she had the barn.

She wanted to get a horse, but she had no idea what went into taking care of them. Why forty? She thought she would just be tired of touring and wanting to spend more time at home. Especially if her mental health got worse. That made sense. After a while, they talked about going out to dinner.

Mike joked about going to Nobu. Was it Pick on Bria Day? They laughed. Yes, they could go there if that was okay with Céline and Renè. Yes, that was. She put Woody down on the floor. He ran to the kitchen where he meowed loudly. Missy and Buddy also ran to the kitchen. Bark! Bark! She excused herself to feed them before they left.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

44

Bria was feeling better when Phoenix left. He met up with Mike to talk. She cried for a while because she felt horrible about yelling at him. After about an hour, she started to perk up. He distracted her by talking about their trip to Dubai. She showed him the pictures she had developed. It looked like a very fun time! Yes, it was. He thanked him for helping her. Of course. They broke up but it didn’t mean he stopped caring about her.

How was he doing? He was okay. It wasn’t her fault. He was learning how her illness affected her and how to help her. Did he know it wasn’t his fault, either? Yeah, he did. He just had to remind himself of that. They just needed to take it day by day or even minute by minute.

“Don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. There’s six of us but only one of you.”

“Thank you. I need to remember that.”

“She mentioned you getting upset about something with Jason.”

“Oh, yeah. I was more upset with him. Did she tell you what happened?”

Sort of. It was something about being under the influence of alcohol. She was talking so fast, he couldn’t catch everything she was saying. He made him promise not to tell anyone. I promise. Okay. After they returned from Dubai, she and Jason were hanging out at her place. They were both drunk and they ended up sleeping together. He met up with her after they both sobered up and talked about what happened. What did he say to her?

He was worried about her getting upset with him, so he chose his words carefully. They talked about him not having any attraction to her. She took it very well because she knew he was gay and she respected that. He was so relieved. Anyway, they decided to keep their friendship. Mike was not happy about him being drunk because it happened in Dubai.

“What happened? Did they hook up?”

“No, he went into the bathroom with another man while he and Bria were at a club. We got into an argument, he and I because he felt I was intruding into his personal life. We eventually came together and talked. I promised not to suffocate him by looking over his shoulder. I also promised to let him make his own mistakes.”

“Mike, that’s what we do. It’s not something we talk about.”

“That makes me feel a lot better”, he said sarcastically.

“Jason is not sexually active. Okay? I know because he told me. You need to trust him.”

The more he looked over his shoulder, the less open he would be with him. It also meant he would not come to him when he was in trouble. He respected him looking out for his brother because he had brothers, as well. They all looked out for each other. Mike sighed and admitted he was right. Thank you. He was welcome.

Jay, I talked to Phoenix. He made me see how my being overprotective of you will eventually push you away. I am again sorry. Please tell me when I overstep my boundaries because I need to know. I love you. – Mike

Bria was texting back and forth with Adrien. They hung out for a while, though they didn’t hook up. They had a couple of drinks together in her bar. He truly liked her and he wanted to take her on a proper date. Ever since The Pianist, his career had been growing. People wanted to know about his personal life. She gave him advice about dealing with the media.

What he told them was his choice. She and her friends were private people. They picked and chose what people knew about them. He appreciated that. What did she tell them? She mostly talked about her animals. He laughed. Would she get any more? She wanted to. Her goal was to retire when she was forty and spend the rest of her life taking care of her animals. She wanted cats, dogs, horses, birds, fish… whatever.

She would have as many animals as the county of LA would let her. Then, she would let the children of her friends come over for an afternoon and play with her animals. He thought that was a great goal to have. Maybe someday, he would come visit them. He didn’t know if he wanted children. As much as he loved them, he could see himself focusing more on his career.

Maybe he would be a stepfather, instead. She was the same way. Her animals would be her children. Jon called her to see how she was doing since he got a message saying she was missing. No, she wasn’t missing. She just wasn’t answering her phone. When he asked her why, she told him everything that happened between her and Mike. She has been having trouble with her BPD episodes ever since she was diagnosed. What did that mean?

She was more sensitive to abandonment, which she had never been before. Was she still going to therapy? Yes. Her therapist told her that everything would eventually level out as she got older.

“It has to get worse before it gets better. We’re working on identifying my new symptoms and I’m learning how to deal with them. Like talking about what I’m going through in my head instead of getting angry and blowing up.”

“Good for you. I’m also learning about Borderline Personality Disorder because I want to know what you’re going through. We all do. You are not alone in this. We will always be here for you.”

“Thank you. I love you.”

“You’re welcome. I love you too, baby.”

Thank you for your apology. I appreciate it. You’re my brother and I will always love you. When I came out, you accepted me and you did everything you could to learn about the gay community. You’re still learning and you’re going to make mistakes and judgments. I try not to hold them against you. Some of your ideas are outdated. Please don’t beat yourself up over this. I promise to let you know when you’re overstepping your boundaries. I love you. – Jay

Mike didn’t know how he got so lucky to have a brother like Jason. He was sometimes more mature than he was. Yes, he did need to educate himself about the LGBT community. He would do everything he could to learn everything he could.

I was drinking down at the club

Your brother said, “That’s enough”

Those nights when you left my bed

You said you would be back again

Oh, we were best friends

Hearts racing, as you wrapped your arms around me

No, we would never be together

Our friends took bets on when we would

You said you didn’t want to mess up what we were

You watched from a distance as he left my bed

Falling in love was just an accident

Maybe I’m just being dramatic

But you’re still attached to me like static

Oh, we were best friends

Maybe I’m just drunk again

Maybe there’s no such thing as an accident

Maybe I should just let you go

Maybe I should just keep this to myself

But will you be back forever

You said forever

Best Friends. Mike listened to the song Bria wrote for him. He shared it with Brad, who thought it was well-written. They shared it with Phoenix, who agreed. What did Mike think? He thought it was written during one of her episodes. It was a heartbreaking song. He would talk to her about it. Brad asked if he should save it. Yes. They could decide what to do with it later. Okay.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

43

Mike went back and forth between Bria and Jason. She found out that he knew about their hookup. He admitted Jason had implied it. She didn’t know how to feel about that. He let her know that while he didn’t like it, mostly because of his brother being under the influence of alcohol, he couldn’t do anything about it. What about them? He asked her what she meant. What about them? She loved him and she thought they would become something more than just friends.

He sighed because he was going to break her heart. No, he couldn’t do that to her because he loved her too much. He didn’t want to trigger her fear of abandonment if they ever broke up. As much as he wanted to make her his girlfriend, he had to be the one to say no to her. He had to be the one she could go to. She sat down on the floor.

He sat down beside her and wrapped his arms around her. She got angry with him and he could tell. Tears were running down her eyes. He had triggered an episode and he was fully prepared for her to hate him. She had done it before when he went home to visit his parents.

“Fuck you. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me! I fucking love you.”

She got up, grabbed her keys, and walked out. He sighed before getting down on the floor. She was angry with him again. You didn’t do anything wrong, Mike. But he felt he had. He hurt her just because he thought he was protecting her. As he sat on the floor, he thought about how to make it up to her. How could he apologize to her? He heard the door open again, so he slowly got up.

It was her still in tears. He walked over to her and wrapped her in his arms. I’m sorry, Mikey.

“Don’t be sorry. It’s okay. I’m here.”

Mood swings. Anger. Splitting. Black and white thinking. He saw some of the symptoms of her BPD played out in front of him. When she settled down, he hoped they could have a serious conversation about their friendship. His biggest fear was losing her as a friend. He would do everything he could to make sure she was okay because he would worry about her self-medicating with men, alcohol, or drugs. Just like her mother did.

After a while, she stopped crying. He kissed her forehead. She begged him not to leave her. He looked her in the eyes and promised her he would never do that. She wiped her tears from her face. He was going to do everything he could to keep that promise. If everyone walked away from her, he would be the one who stayed. He had to because he saw the girl inside of her begging to be loved.

He saw the amazing woman she was. Her mental health issues were not her fault. He had so much compassion and empathy for her. Her mind was unwell and it was always looking for signs of abandonment. It tricked her into believing things that weren’t true. The world she once saw as safe had suddenly become dangerous. She didn’t know who she could trust. That was another reason why he couldn’t be her boyfriend. He had to be that safety net.

That was the last time he saw her. He tried reaching out to her but she wasn’t answering her phone. After twenty-four hours of not hearing from her, he called Brad to see if he could try getting a hold of her. He would try but he couldn’t promise anything. Thank you. He was concerned she would do something to hurt herself. What was he talking about? Did anything happen?

He told him everything, including how she had become angry with him. Ever since her diagnosis, she seemed to be getting worse. He didn’t know if she needed help or what was going on. Now, she wasn’t answering her phone.

If anyone hears or sees Bria, please let Mike or me know. She’s not answering her phone. She might be having a BPD episode. – Brad

Phoenix decided to go over and make sure she was okay. She was with another man. He introduced himself as Adrien Brody. After saying goodbye to her, he walked out the door. Phoenix sighed as she asked him why he came over. Because Mike was worried about her. He saw her bow her head in shame. What happened? She had him follow her to her studio because the doorway was not a good place to talk.

The dogs followed behind them. When they got to her studio, they sat down. He asked her again what happened. I thought you and Mike were close. They were. Were?

“I fucked up and got angry with him.”

“Bria, please talk to me. I want to help you.”

“He deserves a better friend than me. I got angry when he said he didn’t want to date me and I yelled at him.”

She wiped the tears that were coming down. He then heard everything that happened between her and Mike. Was she beating herself up? Yes. He hugged her and let her cry. She left him but came back because she felt so bad about getting angry. Now, her mind was beating her up and calling her a horrible friend. No, she wasn’t. She had a moment where she lost her temper. They all had them. Mike was not angry or upset with her. He was worried about her.

I found her at home. She is upset with herself over getting angry with you. I’m going to stay with her until she’s okay. I’ll let you know when I leave. – Phoenix

Thank you. Yes, please let me know. I’ll let everyone know that you’re with her. – Mike

Everyone was relieved to find out she was safe! What happened? He told them everything and how hard she had taken it. Was he okay? No, but he would be. He didn’t blame her at all. It was her mind making her believe something that wasn’t true. She reacted the way she felt was appropriate in the moment. Then, she came back and apologized to him.

Phoenix listened to her. Even though they broke up, he would always love her. She slowly came out of her episode and was able to think rationally again. Woody purred while rubbing his face against her leg. He hoped it would help her feel better. She picked him up and set him on her lap. He continued purring as she petted him. That feels good. Thank you, human! Phoenix laughed a little. Who was the guy who just left? Adrien. She met him at In-N-Out Burger while hanging out with Jason.

They were just hanging out. What happened to the other guy? He was here and there making movies. They talked over text messages. It was hard dating an actor because they were always gone. Yes, he could see how that would be difficult. Whoever she dated, he wanted them to treat her well because she deserved it. Thank you. She was very welcome.

I just left Bria’s. She’s doing better. I’ll call her later and see how she’s doing. Can I meet you somewhere? – Phoenix

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

42

In-and-Out Burger was busy with people wanting a fast dinner. Bria and Jason sat together after getting their orders. She was so used to going to five-star restaurants, that she forgot it even existed. He laughed after taking a bite of his cheeseburger. Didn’t she grow up in LA? Yes and no. She spent more time in Switzerland than in LA. He guessed that was true. In-and-Out Burger was famous for its burgers and the celebrities who ate there.

Did she still talk to Matt? Yes, though he was here and there filming movies. Adrien Brody was taking a break after filming a new movie himself. He saw a girl eating and he thought she was beautiful. Model beautiful. He didn’t know if she was on a date or was just hanging out with a friend. What he did know was that he had to get her phone number.

After getting his order, he sat down at a table next to hers so he could eavesdrop. He heard her friend ask her what she was going to do since they were home. She didn’t know, though she wanted to hang out with Phoenix. Maybe she would invite Brad over to work on some music. Going over and annoying Mike was always an option. He laughed. Since he was his brother, she wasn’t going to mention they hooked up occasionally.

He didn’t need to know that. Adrien got the idea that they were just two friends hanging out from the way they were talking. That was confirmed when he ran into them outside. They introduced themselves. He was kind of nerdy and not that great with talking to women, so he stumbled on asking for her phone number. She gave it to him not expecting anything.

Jason had to laugh. She was gorgeous! He was surprised guys didn’t ask for her phone number more often! If he was straight, would he ask her out? Maybe. He would probably have to fight Mike for her… and Joe, Brad, Phoenix, and whoever else wanted to date her. He heard Phoenix was dating Linsey. Good for him. He wasn’t looking for a boyfriend. But if he found a guy to take a chance on, he would. Joe would be a good boyfriend for her.

No, Mike explained how they went on a date that hadn’t gone well. What happened? Joe was so nervous, he talked to her about video games. She had been polite but she wasn’t at all interested. He laughed. Poor, poor Joe.

“He tried. That’s all he could do. He just has to learn how to talk to women.”

“Adrien Brody asked for her phone number.”

“I’m surprised more guys aren’t doing that.”

“That’s what I thought. I thought you would ask her out.”

He couldn’t do that to her. His biggest fear was triggering her fear of abandonment if they ever broke up. Even though they slept together a few times, it was better that she saw him as a friend. Jason felt weird knowing that they had a sexual relationship. His shoulders fell, so he asked him what was wrong. Please don’t tell her you know. He seemed to hear what he wasn’t saying. The first question he had was confirmation of what he already suspected.

“Jay… you slept with her?”

“Yeah, we were both drunk. We both consented. I double-checked.”

“You need to watch your drinking. You keep making mistakes with people while you’re drinking. That’s all I’m going to say because you’ve heard my lecture before.”

“Yeah, I have. Can I give you my alcohol?”

“Do you feel like you can’t control yourself?”

He wouldn’t consider himself to be an alcoholic. But, he didn’t want to risk temptation. Okay. They drove over to his place. He had a six-pack case of beer in his refrigerator. That’s it? Yeah. They negotiated him taking half. Okay. It wasn’t as bad as he was expecting. He got a paper bag and put three bottles of beer into it. What was his status with Phoenix? Did he feel he could talk to him?

Yes, he could. He was going to ask him to hang out sometime. Mike encouraged him to talk to him if he felt like his drinking was out of control. He would do that. They hugged and Mike told him how proud he was that he had come to him for help. Thank you.

“I’ll talk to Bria and see how she’s doing. I promise I won’t let her know that I know.”

“Thank you.”

Fuck this. Bria was annoyed and irritated when Mike showed up. He looked around her bedroom. She had taken out all of her handbags and dumped them on her bed. What was she doing? She couldn’t find her Chanel bag. He followed her into her closet. If she didn’t have so many handbags, she might be able to find what she was looking for.

He didn’t say that out loud, though because she would likely kick his ass. Or at least threaten to. What did the bag look like? It was small and rectangular with a quilted pattern. What color was it? Black with a gold chain. He looked around and saw something golden in the corner of her closet. Excuse me. He stepped around her before going over to the item he had his eye on. Was that it? Yes! She thanked him! He laughed and told her she was welcome.

It must have fallen or something. It was in a dark spot, so that was probably why she didn’t see it. Especially since it was black. Woody came in and jumped on the bed. What are you doing, human? He looked around at the handbags. His paw swiped at one of them.

“I swear to god. This cat!”

Meow. She picked it up and examined it carefully. No, he hadn’t hurt it. Meow. Don’t accuse me, human. I didn’t do anything. Mike petted him and scratched his head. She put it back into her closet, along with her other bags. Altogether, she must have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on them. They could buy a house or a new car.

He didn’t understand the difference between this bag and that bag. They all looked very similar. She took very good care of them. They looked brand new. Then again, if he bought something worth the price of a house, he would want to protect it too. With everything back in its place, she was satisfied. She picked up Woody and apologized to him for getting annoyed while they went downstairs. Meow. You’re forgiven, human.

Mike laughed. She was so adorable. The dogs were awake and were in the kitchen eating a snack from their bowls. Bark! Hi, humans! He crouched down and petted them. Thank you, human!

“Okay. I talked to Brad about the new album. We’re going to start working on it in a couple of months. Hopefully, Renè will be there but he’s still having health problems. So, Brad doesn’t know for sure if he will or not. He wants to do a more pop sound, but I might have to fight him on that.”

“Bria, wait. What? What happened?”

She repeated what she said more slowly. Now he understood. She was speaking so fast, it was hard to keep up. They would have to talk about what she wanted and what would work for her. She kissed Woody before setting him back on the floor. He ran off to his toys. Hopefully, the dogs hadn’t stolen anything. Meow! He found them both playing with their own toys. Good! He grabbed his favorite toy mouse and brought it over to his bed.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

41

Jason and Bria had no memory of what happened. They returned home from Dubai with Joe and Mike. Somehow they ended up drinking at her place. That was the last thing they remembered. They must’ve become drunk because they both woke up feeling unwell. The other thing they noticed was that they were both naked. Oh, shit. Did they hook up? If they did, he wanted to make sure she gave consent. After getting up and getting dressed, he asked her. Yes, she did. Thank god!

He was gay though and was not at all attracted to her. They both decided to call it an accident. Was he okay to get home? She could call him a taxi. No, he was okay. He awkwardly said goodbye to her. Thank you again for the trip to Dubai. He had to get out of there and get the fuck home to clear his mind. Once they both sobered up and had time to process what happened, they could talk.

He wanted to keep her as a friend, but he also had to be careful about how he approached the conversation. The last thing he wanted was for her to develop feelings for him or get the wrong impression. He was gay and proud of it. Who could he talk to? Not Mike. He would kill him. They also just had a conversation about respecting his privacy. If I need help, I promise I’ll come find you. Yes, he needed help but it was something he wanted to work through himself.

He was researching schools to get his graduate degree in architecture. Harvard was his first choice but it was so competitive. So, he needed a backup plan. His suitcase was sitting empty in his closet. He took everything out and put it away. His book bag of souvenirs was also empty. He bought a good amount of stuff, though it was all things he found at souvenir shops.

Mike had to cut Bria off because it was going to be expensive to ship everything back home. She was annoyed at first. Until he laid out in detail how much it would cost. She apologized to him because she felt guilty for getting annoyed. It was the first time he and Joe experienced her having a BPD episode. It wasn’t too bad. She wasn’t throwing things or screaming. He explained everything to them when she went to get her hair done.

He told them about her diagnosis and how it affected her. She recently started having episodes where she acted in anger. Because he remained calm, she was able to see his perspective. She felt emotions more strongly than they did. It was why she could have a ton of energy when she was happy or excited. Her emotions could change in an instant, depending on the situation.

They could also change depending on her mindset. If she thought someone was leaving her, she would become angry and discard them. That meant she would want nothing to do with them. Even if her mind was wrong. He gave them the example of when she got angry at him for going home. She later apologized because she thought he was abandoning her. But he wasn’t. He had gone home because of stress, which Jon helped her realize.

“If she gets angry or upset, it’s nothing you did. It’s her mind beating her up. You have to be calm and patient with her. The only reason why I would walk away from her is if she became abusive. But, I can’t imagine that happening.”

She attached herself to people she thought were “safe”, like him. He encouraged them to research the disorder, so they could get a better understanding. She didn’t have all of the symptoms, but they were enough for a diagnosis. Joe asked if she was like Chester. Yes, she was. Kind of. They were both sensitive to rejection and abandonment. He probably more so than her.

They also attached themselves to people. They would look into the disorder. Thank you. He asked them not to tell her about the conversation. They promised they wouldn’t. Don’t tiptoe around her. Treat her like they always did. When she came back, her hair was cut to below her shoulders with the underside shaved off. She also dyed it California blonde, a color between blonde and brown. It looked so cool! She loved it because it made her feel a lot cooler temperature-wise.

She loved having long hair but it got hot on her neck. Her hair was still long enough on top she could pull it back into a ponytail. She went into the bathroom and rinsed her hair off under the faucet of the bathtub. It was then blow-dried and pulled into a ponytail. Mike joked about what Céline and Renè would think. They would probably have a heart attack! They laughed.

Speaking of which, they wanted to have a video chat with them and Brad. She texted them saying she was in Dubai with a few friends for a week and a half. Céline said that was fine and to let them know when she was home. A week and a half went by so fast! They had so much fun experiencing the culture. It was different than theirs. Even though some of the country was westernized, it still had very conservative values. Jason couldn’t live there because he was gay.

He didn’t want to be forced to hide who he was. But, it was fun to visit. They got a private plane back to LA. It came with the same seats as before, so they could all sleep. They were served meals they picked out beforehand. Joe was seated next to Bria. He noticed she wasn’t socializing, so he looked over at her from where he was sitting. She was fast asleep with earplugs.

She looked so adorable, he had Mike and Jason come over. They laughed because yes, she was adorable. The blanket was pulled up to her chin. She looked like a child and so innocent. Though, they knew if they woke her up, she would threaten to kill them or cut off their dicks.

Twenty-four hours. Jason called Bria and asked her if it was a good time to come over. Yes, she was sober. Okay. When he got there, he used her intercom to see where she was. She was just getting out of the shower but she would be down in a minute. He let himself in and he immediately heard paws hitting the floor and barking.

It was Missy and Buddy. Hi, human! Hi, human! Their tails wagged in happiness. He crouched down and petted them. Bria came down with towel-dried hair. She had a T-shirt and pajama pants on. They said hello to each other. How was her hangover? It was brutal! He laughed because his was too. They went into the living room and sat down. The dogs went to their toys and started playing. Woody was in the kitchen getting something to eat.

“I had to think about how to approach this. I know I asked you this before but I just have to make sure that you were not forced to do anything.”

“No, I consented. I would have told you no.”

“Okay. The only problem I’m having is I’m gay and I don’t want to make you have the wrong idea about our friendship.”

“Thank you. I was never sexually attracted to you. No offense. I just think of you as a friend.”

He laughed. “I’m not offended at all. I’m okay with being friends.”

Was she going to tell Mike? Fuck no! He laughed. Neither was he. He was happy she was okay. While going through his hangover, he worried about making her angry. He asked if she was protected from getting pregnant. Yes, she pointed out her birth control implant and how it worked. Good. He didn’t have to worry about that. Since everything was cool, they decided to go to In-N-Out Burger. She got her purse from the kitchen and then followed him out.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

40

Brad had fun visiting Phoenix. He officially asked Linsey to be his girlfriend. What did she say? She said yes immediately. How was his sobriety going? It was going well! He found a sponsor to keep him accountable, while also being someone to talk to about anything. Jeff was a little older than him. He was thirty years old and had a couple of years of sobriety. During one of their meetings, he told him the story of how he became addicted to drugs.

It started when he was twenty-five, somewhere around there. He was working at a furniture warehouse unloading the trucks that came in. Something happened and he injured his back. He couldn’t remember how it happened, though it was likely due to carelessness. His doctor prescribed OxyContin for his pain. He didn’t know he was addicted to it until he had to stop taking it.

At the time, he was married with a six-year-old and a four-year-old. Both boys. He and his wife got married after they discovered she was pregnant with their oldest. She was a stay-at-home mom at the time, while he worked full time. Their parents helped out with their children, so she could run errands. Until he was caught using pills. His wife kicked him out of the house and he slept in his car. After that, he lost control. He chose drugs over his children.

He admitted to using cocaine, heroin, meth, Xanax and OxyContin. What he was addicted to the most was meth. He told him everything about what the drug did to him. It was a miracle he was still alive after having overdosed multiple times. He damaged his heart during a heart attack. His body would not accept a new heart because of his condition.

What helped him get sober? He wanted to kill himself because he was so tired of relying on drugs. His family had him hospitalized. From there, he went into detox for a month before going to an intensive inpatient rehabilitation center for ninety days. It was his “come to Jesus” moment, even though he wasn’t religious. Something inside of him wanted to live. After rehab, he looked into becoming a sponsor because he wanted to help recovering addicts.

Even though he had been sober for six years, he finally decided to get a sponsor because he needed someone who understood what he was going through. Brad was proud of him! Was he proud of himself? Yes, he was.

“We both know that we’re going to slip up and relapse. That’s part of the disease and how our minds work. It’s about learning how to take accountability and learning from our mistakes.”

“Maybe you guys can help Chester with his addictions.”

“Yeah. I’ll see if Jeff wants to meet with him the next time I see him. I don’t think he would have a problem with it.”

“It was a workplace accident that caused his addiction?”

“Yeah. He told me he found out that painkillers are one of the easiest things to become addicted to because your body and mind get so used to taking them. So, they constantly need more and more. Until you can’t stop. He was working on his sobriety so he could start repairing the damage he caused.”

He hadn’t seen his boys in five years. They were eleven and nine years old now. He didn’t want that to happen to him when he had children. Neither did Brad.

Mike and Jason talked privately. They both apologized for their argument. Mike also apologized for being overprotective of his little brother. He also felt like it was his responsibility to protect him, but he needed to let him make his own decisions and mistakes. Yes, Jason admitted that he did sometimes feel suffocated. But he also acknowledged that he was just making sure he was safe. He asked that he not interfere with his private life.

If he needed help, he would come to him. Mike promised to take a big step back. Thank you. He would always go to him first because he was his older brother and he looked up to him.

“I understand what you’re saying. Thank you for telling me. I do baby you sometimes and I need to stop doing that. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you. I appreciate that.”

They hugged before going to find Bria and Joe. They just came back in after going to the front desk. Did they get towels? Yes, they did! Were they done arguing? Yes, they were. Joe joked about how happy he was because he didn’t want to be on a plane for who knows how long with them not getting along. He and Bria might have to separate them.

No, that wouldn’t be necessary. They were leaving in three days. A week had gone by so fast! They would have to get their pictures developed when they got home. She suggested going to Colorado or something for skiing and snowboarding with the band. That sounded like a fun idea. It wouldn’t involve alcohol or drinking, so Rob, Brad, Chester, and Phoenix would be able to go. Speaking of, Mike was going to check in with Phoenix when they got home.

Brad got some groceries. He brought back his purchases and put them into her refrigerator. Did he use the pool? Yes, he did. It felt wonderful! It was like he was in a giant saltwater bathtub! It was the perfect temperature! The water was so relaxing, it took away his stress. He and Rob were going to sit down together after taking a break to see how each other was doing.

He loved him and always would. Phoenix was going to check on him and see how he was doing. Phoenix was the guy they needed. He was the calm in the chaos. When he or Mike were pulling their hair out, he was the one to keep everyone going. Was he attracted to him? Not really. He was a brother figure and former college roommate but nothing more. That was all he wanted him to be. Someday he would fall in love again and live happily ever after with them.

Buddy whined. His sister had taken his bed. Why didn’t he take her bed? Because that bed was his! It had his scent on it, so he claimed it as his! Missy didn’t see a problem. She wasn’t moving and her brother couldn’t make her! Woody was watching everything from his perch above the doorway. He was not getting involved in whatever the dogs were doing.

Buddy had to give up. She was not going to give up the bed. He grumbled before sulking and walking away. Missy smiled at him like she was bragging. He grumbled and turned his back to her. His stomach was growling, so he hoped dinner would be served soon. He saw humans walking past their room, so he got up and went to the door. Bark! Bark! Human, I’m hungry! He pawed at the door. Woody couldn’t wait to be back home because he wanted his own space away from the dogs.

Bria rested her head on Joe’s shoulder. Was she tired? No, she had enough energy to last forever! They laughed. His shoulder was just very comfortable. They went down to the water park and swam around for the afternoon. It made them feel like children. They then came back upstairs and took turns using the bathroom to wash off the chlorine and change into dinner clothes.

She put on a nice white t-shirt, flowing brown bohemian skirt, flats, and a khaki jacket to keep her warm. Her long hair was pulled into a simple braid. She braided it while it was still wet, so it would be wavy when she took it out. They ordered their dinner and were waiting for it to be served. Jason got out his camera and took a picture. He would give her the picture when he got it developed. That would be awesome! They laughed.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

39

Mike and Jason were not getting along. It was nothing major. Just them being brothers. Jason didn’t like him intruding into his personal life while Mike didn’t care for him hooking up with random men. He didn’t say anything about him hooking up with a guy at the club. It was on his face that something happened. They got into an argument, while Bria and Joe went to ask for more towels. It was cut short when they came back with news that the towels were being washed.

They would have to check back later. That was fine. They could ask about them later. They all wanted to go shopping, so they all got ready to go. She pointed at the brothers. No fighting on vacation. They both agreed to that. Their conversation would have to wait until they got home. It would give them both time to think, instead of acting on emotions.

The Dubai Mall was not just a mall. It had so much more, including an ice skating rink. They grabbed a taxi that took them to the mall. It was huge and it had more than just shopping and food! It also had an ice skating rink. There was a map showing all of the twelve thousand plus stores and restaurants, including where they were located. It was written in Arabic, so they couldn’t translate it. They decided to just walk around and see what they could find.

Jason jokingly asked her if she was going to fill the plane with her purchases. No. He laughed. The boys had fun looking at clothes, shoes, and accessories for men. It was a lot more than what they had in America. It was way too expensive, though. Oh, well. It was still fun to look at and try on. They took pictures of each other.

Bria found one of her favorite stores. Kate Spade. Why was it her favorite? She loved the colorful designs. It was also less expensive than other luxury brands. They had to agree it was very colorful, though they couldn’t tell one handbag from another. She found the one she had her eye on. It was a beautiful purple color. She looked at the price tag. It was 910.77 AED. They calculated the difference in American money. It was about $248.

That was cheap. How the hell was that cheap?

“A handbag like this at the more expensive brands costs over a thousand dollars, especially since it’s leather and big.”

“Bria, you know that means nothing to us”, Joe said.

“A Ferrari costs a hundred thousand dollars. A Toyota costs a thousand dollars. This is a Toyota.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

That made it simple to understand. They were guys, so they knew nothing about handbags.

Meow. Woody was high above the dogs. Haha, you can’t get me! He climbed up the stairs to the perch above the door. Buddy and Missy looked up at him. How did you get up there? Buddy tried climbing up, but his legs were too short. That damn cat! Missy told him not to bother. He grumbled as he went back to the toys.

He was playing with a stuffed squirrel. It squeaked when he bit down into its stomach. He pretended it was a real squirrel that he had caught. Maybe someday he would catch one. They were always too fast. It was as if they were taunting him as they looked down at him from the trees. Haha! You can’t catch me, dog! He growled. Bark! Bark! Since they were indoors, he would have to make do with the toys. At least they gave him something to chew on.

They went out earlier to use the bathroom and run around. That was always a lot of fun! He loved running around! His little legs had to move. The yard had high fencing to keep coyotes and other predators out. The cat didn’t get to go outside. He was happy he was a dog. When they came back in, he got some water because running around made him thirsty. Yum! Yum!

Now the damn cat was taunting him. Their human should get more dogs for them to play with. Bark! Bark! Missy was barking at the humans walking by. Hi, humans! Her tail wagged because she wanted to say hi to them. She pawed at the door. One of them stopped and said hello to her through the glass. He opened the door and came over to them. Hi, human! Hi, human! Woody made his presence known by pawing at his head. He looked up at him with a smile.

“What are you doing up there? Are you hanging out?”

Yes, I am. He scratched his arm. When he left, he used his paw to clean his face.

The Burj Khalifa, or the world’s tallest skyscraper. They took the elevator up to the top. It was 2,716.5 feet tall. When they looked out the windows, they could see for miles! They were surrounded by desert on all sides. It was a once-in-a-lifetime experience. They all took pictures of the view and of each other. When they got home, they would have to get their pictures developed. Then they could have the memories with them forever.

When they got back down, she received a phone call from Brad asking if she was in town. No, she was in Dubai.

“Oh, yeah. I forgot. Who went with you?”

“Mike, Jason, and Joe. We’re staying for a week and a half. What’s going on?”

“I wanted to tell you this in person but since I’m talking to you now, Rob and I broke up.”

“Oh no. I’m sorry. Do you need a place to stay? I have an extra key.”

“Thank you. We’re going to remain friends. If that’s okay with you.”

“Don’t worry about it. Make yourself at home. The only thing you will need is groceries.”

She let him know where her spare key was hidden. Where were her pets? She boarded them. Okay. He would text her when he got inside. The boys wanted to know what happened. Brad was staying at her place because he and Rob broke up. They were devastated to hear that. Mike had a feeling that he knew what happened. They couldn’t agree on having children or getting married.

They were best friends, so he didn’t think it had been a messy breakup. Still, breakups sucked even if they were mutual. He would text him later to see how he was doing. Since they were all hungry, they went down to the restaurants.

Brad would miss having Rob as his boyfriend. They were both adults and they would not let their breakup affect the band. It was just something they needed to work through separately. Rob assured him he would be okay. If he needed anything, he would call Phoenix. Okay. Why did they break up? They couldn’t agree on adopting children or getting married. They tried everything, including negotiating. Eventually, they had to realize they were not going to agree.

Bria’s house was quiet. It was strange because he expected to hear her dogs barking. They were being boarded while she was gone. He kind of wished he hadn’t declined to go to Dubai. Oh, well. Maybe he would get to go there someday.

He couldn’t wait to hear about the trip! As he put his bag away in the garage guest apartment, he looked around. How did he get so lucky to have a friend like Bria? He sat down at the table and thought about what he would do for dinner. As he was thinking, he got a call from Phoenix. He just heard from Rob and wanted to make sure he was okay. No, but he would be eventually. He invited him to hang out with him and Linsey. Yeah, he was on his way.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

38

2003. Flying private was a lot easier than flying commercial. They didn’t need to wait in a very long line to check in or go through security. Everything was simple and quick. They didn’t even need to take their shoes off. After going through everything, they waited in a lounge until their plane was ready. It only took them ten minutes before they were on the tarmac walking up to the plane. If this was a dream, they didn’t want to wake up! The flight attendants were equally as amazing!

Mike noticed how well people treated him just because he was with Bria. No matter where they went, they always had the best service. Bria was always treated like she owned the place whenever they went out to eat. She could ask for something that wasn’t on the menu and they would make it for her. Just because she and her family had a lot of money.

She talked to the flight attendants about serving lunch, as it was almost noon. They would serve it once they got in the air. They ordered their meals ahead of time when she booked the flight. Joe and Jason were both amused by all of the features the plane had. The seats were four across with an aisle in between. They were able to recline back into a bed. They each got a new blanket, new earplugs, a new eye mask, and a new robe.

Because the flight was so long, she wanted them to sleep comfortably. They also got a tablet with a selection of movies and a pair of nice headphones. The bathroom was even nicer than regular airplane bathrooms! It had a sink and a toilet but they could just tell they were clean! Once they were in the air, they got their meals.

They were delicious! It was like eating at a five-star restaurant! They all got their drinks.Yes, they did take a nap. It made the trip not seem so long. Bria packed a comb in her carry-on to fix her hair. If Mike had a billion dollars, he would buy a private jet. As would Joe. There was nothing quite like being treated like first class passengers. That was the thing about the wealthy. People always treated them better than they did the average Americans.

Dubai was a city unlike any other. The weather was hot and dry, like Las Vegas. Inside, it was nice and cool. They met their driver at the entrance of the airport. He put their luggage into the trunk while they got into the back. His accent was Arabic, though he could speak English fluently. Which hotel were they going to? Atlantis. He knew exactly where that was.

During the drive, they looked out the windows. Oh my god! It was surreal! They each pulled out some money to tip him. Thank you. Their underwater suite was… there were no words to describe it! They saw different species of fish swimming past their window. They got their cameras out and took pictures. It exceeded their expectations! They all went into their rooms and put their stuff away. Bria changed clothes and combed her hair.

Once everyone was ready, they all went out to find something to eat. While walking out, she took Joe’s arm. The city was busy with people since it was dinner time. Some were wearing traditional Muslim clothing while others were dressed like westerners. They found a restaurant that didn’t have a dress code. It had traditional Dubai cuisine.

Meow. Bark. Buddy wagged his tail at Woody. He wanted his toy but he wasn’t sharing. The cat was selfish like that. He never shared his toys. A worker handed him another toy to play with instead. It wasn’t what he wanted, but it was better than nothing.

They and Missy were boarded up with other cats and dogs. They had a spacious room with toys, stuff for the cat to climb on, a floor to ceiling window that looked over the backyard, a litter box, beds. Plus, their food and water bowls. He and Missy went outside to use the bathroom and play with the other dogs. Dogs were pack animals by nature, so they loved having them there.

The staff played with them and cleaned up their messes. Missy couldn’t see her little brother, so she looked for him. Bark! Buddy, where are you? He got on his hind legs. I’m right here! She walked over to him. They were both groomed and had their hair trimmed. Woody got scared when they came back in. He sniffed them. Bark! It’s us! She turned up his nose. What the hell happened to them? They got a haircut. That’s why he couldn’t recognize them.

Meow! Good thing he wasn’t a dog. He didn’t want to get bathed. Cats didn’t like water. He could clean himself and didn’t need humans to do it. If they tried, he would growl and hiss at them. Get back, humans! His nails were sharp and could scratch them.

Jason wanted to go to 1OAK, a nightclub. Mike and Joe declined. It didn’t sound like something they would be interested in. Ask Bria. She said yes! He promised his brother he would keep an eye on her to make sure she didn’t get drunk. Nobody wanted to take care of her. They also didn’t want her to get taken advantage of. Mike appreciated that. They both got ready when they got back to the hotel.

Mike approved of his outfit. Okay, you two. He and Joe would be wandering around the hotel. They said goodbye to each other. When they got to the club, they learned they needed a reservation. Instead of wasting the night, they tried another club. It had free entry but they had to pay for drinks. The club had just opened, so people were coming in. They looked around. Maybe they were a little too dressed up. Oh, well. After getting a table, he told her to stay there while he got drinks.

Bria was wearing a dress that was tight but didn’t show off a lot of skin. It went down to her knees. She put her hair into a fishtail braid. He came back with two Cosmos. It tasted great! They took pictures of themselves and each other. Would he share the pictures with his parents? No! They would not want to know about him being in a club.

They didn’t know a lot about his private life. Neither did Mike. The only thing he wanted to know was if he was being careful with other men. Yes, he was. Once they were a little drunk, they went to the dance floor. Mike and Joe were having fun checking out the hotel. It had activities for children and adults. The pool looked great. They would have to put their swim trunks on and go swimming. That’s what they decided to do.

The club was loud with music blaring. He saw a lot of cute guys. One of them was caught by him checking him out. He walked over to him. They introduced themselves before talking and flirting. They had to be careful. Homosexuality was still illegal. The guy quietly told him to meet him in the bathroom in five minutes.

In the bathroom, they went into a stall where they kissed. They then dropped their pants. Jason entered him and started moving.

When they were done, he waited five minutes before going back out. He found Bria looking at him. After going over to her, he told her not tell Mike. Tell Mike what? She smiled like she would keep his secret. He put his arm around her shoulder and hugged her.

Thank you. He would kill him if he found out. After a few drinks, he cut her off. He promised Mike. She was a little drunk but could still walk. Mike and Joe found her fast asleep the next morning in her room. Joe shook her to make sure she wasn’t hungover. She opened her eyes and saw him. Good morning. She glared at him. I’ll fucking cut your balls off! They laughed.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

On vacation. Will update when I can

[briamichellewrites]

37

Awesome. That was all Bria said. Mike had no idea what that meant. Was she angry? Please talk to me. He didn’t hear back from her but he figured Jon was distracting her. She would reply later. Jason wanted to watch a movie, so he was going to join him. What movie was he going to watch? He looked in the newspaper for movies that were playing at the theater. They talked about seeing the Pianist. They invited their parents. No, thank you.

Muto didn’t want to be reminded of the war and Donna didn’t feel like going out. They told the boys to have fun. They would! Mike hoped the movie would distract him. He turned his phone off after getting his ticket and snacks. The theater was filling up as the usual ads and previews played. They were able to get good seats.

The Pianist was not an easy movie to watch. It showed a man trying to survive while hiding from the Nazis. He was at times freezing and hungry. But it was very well made. The movie was based on Władysław Szpilman’s life in Poland. The guy playing the main character, Adrien Brody was himself half-Jewish. His mother was Catholic and Jewish; while his father was Jewish. His phone was off, so he didn’t know Bria texted him back.

Sorry, Mikey. I thought you abandoned me and I got angry at you. That’s what he thought happened. After the movie, he called her to see how she was doing. She was so happy to hear his voice. At first, she was angry with him. Jon helped her see how he had gone home because he wanted to see his parents. She apologized to him.

“Thank you. I will never leave you. When I get back, we can talk about this. I think you just had your first BPD episode. When are you going to visit your therapist again?”

“Tomorrow.”

“Tell her about what happened. She will be able to help you. I love you.”

“I love you too, Mikey.”

Jon was happy they had worked it out. Matt had just left. They had fun hanging out with the animals. She gave him a tour of her house and property. Jon followed them around. He especially liked her indoor saltwater pool. That was one of the many things she loved about the house! Did she buy it? No, she designed it. He asked her about that.

It started as an idea. Her friend, Mike had a younger brother who wanted to be an architect. They heard about her idea and he volunteered to help her. She had no idea what went into planning and designing. Thankfully, Jason did. The studio was her favorite place to hang out, though she used her pool when she had too much energy. Did her dogs use the pool? They did once. He pointed out the door. That was installed to prevent the animals from falling in.

He genuinely liked her, though Jon knew that he had a lot to learn about her mental illness. If he wasn’t going to be there for her through the good and bad times, he didn’t want him in her life. Since he was a new friend, he was going to wait to talk to him.

“Was Mike at the restaurant”, he asked.

“I think he was. He was the one sitting next to me. The other guys were Brad and Rob. They collectively decided I should take them out and spoil them.”

“What restaurant did you go to”, Jon asked.

“Koi.”

They had never been there, so she was spoiling them. Did she take all of her friends out? Yeah. She took Chester to Nobu recently. How many men have asked for her phone number at restaurants? None. He was the first. They laughed. She did see Brad Pitt at The Chateau Marmont once. He was there with friends, so she didn’t say hello to him. She was also only sixteen. They laughed.

Mike was learning how Borderline Personality Disorder affected Bria. It wasn’t her fault. Her illness came from trauma and genetics. He was one of her favorite people. When she was in a good mood, she was hyperactive, friendly, funny, and a joy to be around. But her good mood could change in an instant. When she was in a bad mood, she retreated. He hoped she was okay. His parents asked about her illness while the four of them sat in the living room.

They asked about being her favorite person. What did that mean? She saw the world in black and white. People were either good or bad. There was no gray area. Being her favorite person meant that he essentially walked on water and he could do no wrong in her eyes. He was the greatest person to ever live. It was called, idealization.

If she ever had a feeling that her favorite person was going to leave her, she devalued them. She then moved on to her next favorite person. It was a cycle. It meant she saw him as perfect. She had never expressed anger over him leaving her. Until earlier. What happened?

“I told her through text that I was coming here for a week with Jason. The only thing she said was ‘awesome.’ I could kind of tell she was unhappy. I asked her what was wrong and she didn’t respond. Then, she texted back that she thought I abandoned her and so, she got angry. She then realized that I wasn’t abandoning her. That had never happened before.”

“What is she like when she’s happy?”

“She is funny, energetic, and just amazing. It’s as if she can take on the world.”

She was the kind of girl who kept them accountable, while also being their biggest cheerleader. Did anything happen to her? She was born with crack cocaine in her system. Her adoptive parents did everything they could for her. They died when she was seventeen or eighteen years old in a car accident. Her biggest trauma was September eleventh. She was staying near the Twin Towers when it happened. Because of the tragedy, she was diagnosed with PTSD.

Did she see the planes crash into the World Trade Center? No, she just saw debris falling and people running around screaming and crying. She had nightmares about what she experienced that brought her back to that day. Was she the girl who was in the accident with him? Yes, she was. She had a broken arm and leg. Her birth mother was the one who hit them.

She was serving a life sentence in a mental facility after being found not guilty because of insanity. Another thing Bria had was generational trauma. Her birth mother was abused mentally and physically by her alcoholic father. Because of his alcoholism, he couldn’t hold down a job. He was a veteran with undiagnosed PTSD. They lived in poverty. She was then sexually and physically abused by a much older boyfriend, whom she was using drugs with. It was believed that she was a product of the abuse.

She lost custody of Bria after she tested positive for drugs. Then, she signed away her rights to her so she could be adopted. What illnesses did her mother have? Borderline Personality Disorder and schizophrenia. Bria had a lot of compassion for her. It sounded like she was doing her best. Yeah, she was. He would see how she was doing when he got home.

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon

[briamichellewrites]

36

Bria wanted to go on vacation somewhere. Jon asked her where she wanted to go. Anywhere. Maybe Paris or Ibiza or Switzerland. She would have to pick one because she couldn’t go to all three. Dubai. He laughed. Sure, baby. Whatever she wanted. When Mike came in, he could see how enthusiastic she was about something. He had just finished visiting with his brother. Earlier, he got a text message from both of them with the news. He spent his morning talking to Phoenix.

After, he went to visit Jason. No, they were not okay because they still loved each other. He hugged him and reminded him that he would always be there. Thank you. He knew he would meet a man who would love him forever. Maybe Phoenix would end up marrying Linsey someday. He promised to work on his sobriety. Yes, he would call him if he needed anything.

Okay. Now, he was hanging out with a very enthusiastic and energetic Bria. He didn’t know that she had gone to the doctor earlier because she and Jon suspected she was pregnant. Thankfully, she wasn’t. Her birth control was the cause of her nausea. She switched to an implant that worked for up to four years. It was inserted into her upper arm.

They would have to talk about that later. He asked her what she was so excited about.

“I’m planning a vacation to Dubai. You want to come with?”

“Is she okay”, he asked Jon jokingly.

“She’s Bria. You tell me”, he joked back.

“I would love to go but it’s too expensive. No, I won’t let you pay for me to go.”

She was on her own. Okay, she would go by herself. He laughed as he sat down. She was free to do whatever she wanted. He wasn’t going to stop her. With that, Jon got up. Where was he going? He was going to see Phoenix. They said goodbye to him. He did want to see how his boyfriend was doing, while also giving them privacy to talk. Since he had come over, it was the perfect time. He gave the animals a goodbye. Bye, human.

Mike asked her if she wanted to tell him something. Yes, she and Jon thought she was pregnant. His eyes were wide, as he thought about that. Was it his baby? She didn’t know. He felt conflicted. Though he would have loved to have been a father, he was still too young. Why did they think she was pregnant? Because she had thrown up. Was she on birth control? He thought she was. She was.

She was taking the pill. Her doctor switched her over to the implant. She explained what it was and how it worked. He sighed as tears were streaming down his face. Why was he crying? He didn’t know. It just seemed like the appropriate thing to do. Maybe because he remembered when Anna had told him she was pregnant with another man’s child. He thought he had gotten past that, but everything came back up. She pulled him into a hug and let him cry.

“Mike, take care of yourself. Don’t just focus on me, Phoenix, or Jason.”

“Thank you. Sometimes I forget how to do that.”

Jason missed Phoenix. He wanted to take back their breakup but he resisted temptation. Instead, he drove home to visit his parents. He called his mother to see if it was a good time. Oh, yeah! They would love to have him! They welcomed him in and asked him why he had decided to drop in. He gave them the news about him and Phoenix. They were devastated! Why?

They wanted different things and they tried everything possible to save their relationship. Did Mike know? Yes, he did. They expressed their condolences to him. He could stay as long as wanted. Thank you. He brought a small bag with him of clothes and everything else he needed. It was in his car, so he went out and brought it in. His father gave him his childhood bedroom to sleep in. It was just how he left it when he went to college.

Jason felt better about being home. It was the Japanese tradition to take care of family members. Households consisted of grandparents, parents, and children. Mike would be called upon to take care of their parents since he was the oldest. When he got older, Jason would take care of him. He looked up to his older brother and he thought what he was doing was so cool!

He didn’t have a knack for music like he did. His passion was art and designing buildings. When they were younger, the refrigerator was filled with their artwork. Every picture had their names at the bottom. Mike Shinoda. Jason Shinoda. In turn, Mike was proud of his little brother and his accomplishments. He wanted him to realize his dreams. They fed him dinner, which his mother had just cooked up. It was delicious! He missed her cooking!

Phoenix and Jon got takeout. It was too risky to go out because of the paparazzi. While they ate dinner, they talked about whatever they could think of. It was a great way to distract himself from the thoughts in his head. His mind wanted alcohol. But, he couldn’t do that. One drink would ruin all the progress he made. It wasn’t worth it. But, he had to have it.

Jon encouraged him to get a sponsor or go back to treatment. He got his phone and called Brad. I’m on my way over. When he did, the three of them talked about what he was going through and what the best options were. Should he go back to rehab? Yeah, that was the best thing he could do. If they left him alone, they were afraid he would sneak out and buy alcohol. They both told him how proud they were that he asked for help. Was he proud of himself? Yes, he was.

Good because he should be. They went upstairs and helped him pack up his stuff. Mike heard from Brad about him going back to rehab. Did he relapse? No, he went because he was scared of relapsing and wanted to prevent it. He and Jon just dropped him off for a three-month program. Good for him. They were taking a break, so it was the perfect time for him to go back to treatment.

He permitted to tell Joe, Chester, and Rob. How were he and Rob doing? They were talking about getting engaged! He laughed because he needed good news! Congratulations! Even though it wasn’t official yet, he was still extremely happy for them!

He thanked him. They were still undecided about whether or not they would have children. Rob would only consider it if they had his curly hair. That meant they needed to find a surrogate. Unfortunately, he couldn’t help them with that. That was okay. How was Bria doing? Bria is Bria. That’s to say she is unpredictable. She was talking earlier about going to Dubai. He didn’t know if she was going to do it or if she was just having an episode.

Mike, take a break and focus on yourself. You can’t save the world if you can’t take care of yourself. Come home for a while. – Jay

After getting a message from his brother, he called home. His father invited him to join them. He would do that after he packed his bag. After going through stress, he could use a break. They would see him when he got there. After ending the call, he texted Bria to let her know where he was. He did that so she didn’t think he abandoned her.

Awesome. – Bria

@zoeykaytesmom @feelingsofaithless @alina-dixon