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same 

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did he tell you what happened? how twelve kids chased me off the planet while I was still in my pajamas

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hobbies include sitting on my bedroom floor being absolutely devastated by the fact that i have a physical form

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*opens photobooth to take selfie*

“maybe some other time”

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clearance that isn’t under like $15 is an abomination and doesn’t have the right to even call itself clearance

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Ultimate bamboozle

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me whenever anyone looks at me: *peace sign*

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this has got to be THE funniest sentence ive seen all day im gonna cry

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how much do i have to zoom in on a pic of my elbow before it gets flagged

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I was genuinely startled by this

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Aliens are the least of our worries right now but listen to me. Aliens don’t want to hurt us but the government is gonna convince us they do and incite worldwide panic and start a real space war to avoid advancing technology for the general population because efficient non oil based energy that the aliens have will crush the capitalist industries that need it to thrive welcome to my ted talk