Jason, at the slightest provocation: I came into this earth screaming and covered in someone else's blood and and I'm not afraid to leave the same way.
---
Barbara: Do you know the ABCs of first aid?
Steph: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.
---
Jason, to Tim: You're not Mario. Lets get something straight, you're Luigi at best.
---
Barbara: Tim is restricted to decaf for the rest of this mission.
---
Jason: I haven’t slept in 72 hours…
Steph: I haven’t slept in 80. I’m the insomnia queen!
Tim: Ha! I haven’t slept in 90 hours, I’m aiming for an even 100.
Dick: What is wrong with you people.
---
Jason: Ugh, there’s always that weak bitch in the group who isn’t down with murder.
Jason: *glares at Cass*
Cass: Well, sorry I have morals!
---
Jason, furious: What do you mean we have homework tonight? I have books to read.
---
Tim: I want to be like a caterpillar.
Damian: Explain.
Tim: Eat a lot, sleep for a while, wake up beautiful.
Dick: You know they have a lifespan of a week, right?
At some point, Tim has a day off. He decides to spend part of that day in the skatepark, so he puts on his baggy T shirts over long sleeves and loose jeans, ties his battered trainers, grabs his skateboard and heads off.
Part way through, a bunch of media (or similar) students turn up, asking interviews and doing recordings for their assignment. They spot Tim, (unrecognisable in his personal clothes, rather than work suits) and call him over, both getting permission to record a few stunts (after he realises they have no idea who he is- it'll be funny if they later realise) and answering a couple of their assignment questions (based on Gotham ig) . Amusingly, 1 of the questions is wether he's skipping to be at the skatepark, which he response is that he's actually a drop out, but he used to skip for the skatepark, after working a bunch of internships at di/we for a while, he ended up working there full time.
Anyways it ends up on the Internet, as videos of cool skaters do, and people recognise him and it blows up- because Tim Wayne??? Not I'm business suits, spotted in camera??? Its uncommon. + I feel like the media would often forget that Tim was a high-school drop out if they're not complaining abt it. Also, who knew he was so good with a skateboard? (Everyone who actually knew Tim drake, is the answer)
Timothy Drake Wayne, youngest CEO, Times person of the year a year ago (you choose why), and all around impressive business individual is easily recognizable wherever he goes…so long as he’s in a suit. As a CEO Timothy is both a staunch professional and a blatant gen z kid which makes him somewhat beloved and well known by everyone across the county.
But then Tim is wandering around Gotham in a pair of jeans and a flannel over long sleeves and no body takes a second glance.
He’s sitting at the skatepark laughing at “Timothy Drake Wayne funniest moments” compilations with other skaters while they take a break and no one knows the video is about him.
Timothy has to take a public flight and the guy at security checks his ID and then looks up at Tim like “hey you have the same name as that one kid CEO.” And it takes everything in Tim’s power to not immediately respond with “that’s because he is me?” Instead he slaps on the biggest grin and says “what a weird coincidence.”
He’s dressed down sitting in first class because he’s not a heathen and he’s gonna be stuck in a suit for this entire conference. The entire time this lady next to him kept scoffing about his appearance and how he probably never worked for a thing in his life. About how the quality of this aircraft company is going down if they’re letting people like Tim occupy first class. Tim, meanwhile, immediately clocked this woman as the CFO of a company WE was considering partnership with. Lol, fat chance that goes through now.
Tim keeps a suit at Wayne Tower for the emergency meetings he sometimes gets called into. He’s heading into the building when the security of the visiting company shoves him out of the way cause they assume he’s some teen. Needless to say that when he walks into the conference room cleaned an suited up, he found complete delight on watching all the blood drain from their face.
Tim makes fun of Superman because he doesn’t even have to wear glasses to get away with his secret identity. He’s not even trying to hide and people still look over him in a crowd when he’s not in a suit.
Some shady company is trying to buy the skatepark Tim regularly visits and has bribed the GCPD to arrest kids for “loitering” or “trespassing.” Or something. Tim gets arrested one time, sends a snap selfie like “lol got arrested.” and then buys the land the skate park is on and also the company that tried to buy it to build a resort.
There is an entire hashtag full of selfies people have taken with a dressed down Tim out and about in Gotham all captioned with something like “lol, I found our favorite teenage CEO’s doppelgänger!”
- The batfam have their own language of chirps, trills, tweets, and whistles, and they use it in front of other ppl (civilians, the jla, whatever) and the other ppl go “what the actual fuck”
- Bruce throwing the batarang at Jason Todd’s neck actually Does Damage™, and eventually the other members of the family find out and lose their shit
- “How many kids do you HAVE??” -The entire Justice League
- Jason going to Titans Tower, seeing Tim, saying “is anyone gonna parent that” and then not waiting for an answer.
- Literal Toddler Tim Drake informing the Batfamily that yes he knows everyone’s identity, and really if you didn’t want people to figure it out you should stop showing off your extremely niche skills during patrols Nightwing.
- “Dude your son is a crime boss.” “Ex-crime boss :/”
- A Batfamily member hearing someone talk about their civilian identity (bc, yknow,, they’re famous) and just having to Deal With It because what the fuck else are they supposed to do??
- The Justice League hearing about Batman and assuming he (& his family) are demons or vampires or some other cryptid, and then meeting him and finding out he’s just Some Guy.
- The batfamily learning the origin of the name Robin
- The Justice League meeting the Batfamily and specifically learning who Red Hood is, and one of the heroes nervously asks “Didn’t the second Robin.. die?” and Jason just goes “yeah lol”
Tonight on My Husband Doesn’t Know How to Baby Talk
“Ma’am, are you aware that these, right here are your hands? They belong to you. And you get to decide what happens with them. So when you use these hands to pull your binky out of your mouth that is not necessarily a dad problem. I’ll fix it obviously i just want you to acknowledge it’s not my fault”
Au where the Drake’s don’t die (they’re just bad parents) and as Tim gets older they start spending a SLIGHT bit more time with him to train him to take over Drake industries. They start trying to set up a marriage to a daughter of a good family for Tim, but he’s dating Bernard, who is not only a man but from a “subpar family.” They demand he break it off.
Tim refuses to break up with his boyfriend, threatens causing a huge scandal and making out with Bernard in public if they engage him to anyone.
Jack and Janet threaten to disown him, bc they think Tim’s been living the soft cushy house (manor) life hidden away from the world on thier money this whole time, so they’re all, “You’ll come crawling back, you need us and our money, this will teach you a lesson.”
Tim, who has been practically independent since he was four, has extensive robin training, access to zetatubes, powerful friends (and enemies) in every major city across the world, at least eight fully stocked safehouses in Upper Gotham alone, a personal bank account under his own name with combined Drake and Wayne allowance, at this point is only in Drake manor when his parents are here (a week with an important gala every four months maybe) and has LITERALLY had a discussion with Bruce about a custody battle due to negligence so he can call himself a Wayne on paper not even a week before, just laughs.
“This is Gotham. I’ll get Bruce Wayne to adopt me.”
That makes them mad. His parents show him the disowning paperwork and kick him out. Tim doesn’t even run to Wayne Manor, he meanders over while tapping at his phone.
Bruce already had the paperwork ready. The Drakes don’t know what’s happening before it’s too late. Tim is a Wayne. They try to challenge it but they relinquished all rights and Tim has receipts of parental neglect and also he already has a room at the manor.
Tim takes over as Wayne Industries CEO (the sooner the funnier) and immediately starts being awesome at it, smug ass grin in every photo, the other Waynes cackling in the background as the Drakes seethe and thier stocks plummet. The next gala they go to, Bruce makes absolutely sure to turn to Tim and go, “So son, when is your boyfriend coming over for dinner?”
Bernard comes back from a family camping trip to find out his boyfriend started an upper crust civil war for the right to date him. And also he’s invited to Wayne Manor. Wtf Tim.
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