buzzfeedjr

[buzzfeedjr]

[buzzfeedjr]

now that i am a real adult i am starting to realise. media lied to me about the availability of rooftops to go hang out on. every day i wish i could be hanging out on a rooftop somewhere looking cool as fuck

[buzzfeedjr]

idk if anyone's clipped this yet but i think it might be my new fave game changer bit

[buzzfeedjr]

[buzzfeedjr]

i don't know man, i just wish that we could [suddenly realising i'm coming dangerously close to expressing a real and earnest thought instead of filtering everything through several layers of intangible running bits] blow up the entire world. or something.

[buzzfeedjr]

As I gaze at the structural column in Copley Station, cracked nearly in two and held together with zip ties that have been carefully painted over to match the column underneath, I feel my soul intertwined with that of a small Italian boy of days gone by, who also stopped to look up at a large, groaning, newly painted tank full of molasses

[buzzfeedjr]

[buzzfeedjr]

I hate the “open floor plan” that everyone is obsessed with in houses now. I want nooks and crannies and bizarre floor plans. I don’t need to be able to see what someone is doing on the other side of the house. I want places to hide and lurk and dwell in the shadows. I am the beast who awaits in the labyrinth

[buzzfeedjr]

When I was a kid my family pretended to get raptured so I would think I was left behind on earth while they all went to heaven.

I was like 8 years old and my sister and mom had gotten really into the Left Behind novels (bible fan fic about the rapture). In the books when the rapture happened the clothes that people were wearing when they got raptured were left behind in neatly folded piles.

One day when I was getting home from school my family decided that they would leave piles of neatly folded clothes around the house, and then hide in the basement.

The intended effect was that I would get home and see the clothes then, think that my family had been raptured and that I wasn’t good enough to get into heaven… or something?

The problem was that I had never read these books, and didn’t really think about the rapture very often. There was no reason that I would see some laundry on the floor and think “The rapture happened and I’ve been abandoned by God! I’ll never see my family again!! Oh nooo!!!!”

I just sat down and watched cartoons and eventually my family got bored and revealed that they were all hiding in the basement.

It’s a good thing I didn’t understand the joke, otherwise that shit would have been traumatic.

[buzzfeedjr]

[buzzfeedjr]

losing my mind at this

[buzzfeedjr]

Teeth are bullshit. What do you mean you’re decaying. Get a fucking grip. You’re a bone now act like it. You don’t see my finger bones decaying from jerking it too much now do you

[buzzfeedjr]

Sometimes I wish I was Out at my main job but you know part of me really, really enjoys just being seen as "the young straight cis employee who's knowledgeable about queer topics" because I find myself often approached by older folks who admit things like "I know transsexuals are more popular these days but injecting things into children doesn't seem right" and I can tell them "Actually your niece/nephew/nibling isn't getting surgery and junk right now, they're twelve, what they're getting are 'blockers' which delay puberty- and since puberty itself is an involuntary change to the body caused by hormones, isn't it nice that they're getting a bit of time to decide that they're sure about what they want before they start? And also we've been using and observing HRT for longer than Advil, ibuprofen, digital cameras, and laser eye surgery, so IDK, it's good that you're asking questions though, I'm glad you're looking out for them but it's not really all that scary" and I like knowing that I can help steer them in the right direction (seeking out scientifically proven facts and stats, asking questions) instead of encouraging the path they're already on (leaning into instinctive feelings about the unfamiliar and strange)

[buzzfeedjr]

The fucking link to the Wikipedia for "cylinder". Brutal.

[buzzfeedjr]

[buzzfeedjr]

hey man I found a piece of your soul stuck in the text messages of old friends you don’t speak to anymore. do you want it back

[buzzfeedjr]

the thing is they really do let you hit because you're goofy.