callmeamiracle

[callmeamiracle]

*It rains*

Depression: Guess who’s back? Back again?

#sad lonely cold rain depressed

[callmeamiracle]

[callmeamiracle]

My life is going to go one of two ways either I’m going to be successful and be happy move out and get a good job and have a family and live the life I’ve wanted or I’m going to get so high and drunk and kill myself when I’m 30

Make it end the first way, not the second. Whatever you believe and put energy towards it’s what going to happen. Sometimes I still worry one day I’ll snap and get so drunk and just end it all even though I’m doing better now. 

It’s so hard but just try to be positive and keep your head up and believe in yourself. Even if you don’t believe it at first, tell yourself things like “I will be happy. I will be successful.” etc. If you tell yourself that one day you’ll begin to believe it.

If you ever need to talk, I’m always here.

[callmeamiracle]

[callmeamiracle]

I felt that

[callmeamiracle]

While I’m on this quest of self compassion this is my brain.

[callmeamiracle]

[callmeamiracle]

yes

[callmeamiracle]

[callmeamiracle]

Having abusive parents, you learn to only care about things in secret. Liking things openly becomes unsafe, because your parents notice, and it’s the first thing they’ll take away from you the second they need to blackmail you. After a while it only feels safe to not care about anything, to not want anything, and to not be attached to anything, because then it can’t be used against you, they can’t use it against you. You have to be apathetic if you don’t want to be openly vulnerable to abuse. Eventually you learn to hide everything from everyone. Even your friends don’t find out about it. Every pleasure feels like guilty pleasure, like you’ll pay for it later. Your entire life becomes a secret that feels too dangerous to tell anyone.

[callmeamiracle]

[callmeamiracle]

[callmeamiracle]

[callmeamiracle]

too much hurting.

[callmeamiracle]

Talk to me. Tell me about how much fun you had yesterday, the joke that made you laugh until you cried, the dumb thing you're too embarrassed to tell anyone else.. Talk for hours about the things you love because there is nothing I'd rather be doing that listening.

[callmeamiracle]

Anyone get that “my childhood was stolen and it’s not fair” kind of angry

[This is only about childhood abuse ty]

[callmeamiracle]

*gets addicted to literally anything that distracts me from the fact i exist*