canadianfruitpunch

[canadianfruitpunch]

people born in 24 Are 2000 now

[canadianfruitpunch]

being a lesbian is so dumb. this girl once sent me a photo of a rat she found in a dumpster and i imagined kissing her in a botanical garden

[canadianfruitpunch]

[canadianfruitpunch]

Me, watching my kitten hold still for a suspiciously long time: Ollie, are you peeing on my floor?

Ollie: Not

Me: Are you sure?

Ollie, grunting through time and space to push out a chocolate mcmuffin wider than he is tall: Not

[canadianfruitpunch]

does anybody remember fun. Nobody even remembers fun. anymore, give me a second I— I need to get my story straight my friends are in the bathroom getting higher than the empire state my lover she's waiting for me just across the bar my seats been taken by some sun glasses asking bout a scar but I know I gave it to you months ago I know you're trying to forget but between the drinks and subtle things the holes in my apologies you know I'm trying hard to take it back so if by the time the bar closes and you feel like falling down I'll carry you home

[canadianfruitpunch]

Good morning to everyone but especially to this reddit user

[canadianfruitpunch]

I hate the “open floor plan” that everyone is obsessed with in houses now. I want nooks and crannies and bizarre floor plans. I don’t need to be able to see what someone is doing on the other side of the house. I want places to hide and lurk and dwell in the shadows. I am the beast who awaits in the labyrinth

[canadianfruitpunch]

[canadianfruitpunch]

‘redditors need to know this’, ‘twitterinas need to know that’… no. you need to know one thing and that is that you are not allowed to complain about werewolf fuckers. this is the werewolf fucking website. grow up and go fuck a werewolf.

[canadianfruitpunch]

a bottom-tier autistic experience is being told throughout your entire childhood that you are just an overthinker when it comes to social situations and later finding out that your friends did, in fact, hate being around you and tried to communicate that through weird little hints

[canadianfruitpunch]

idgaf how autistic you are stop being racist😭😭

[canadianfruitpunch]

you be fucking thankful the "mommy sorry i mean mommy" trend didn't happen during the Hillary campaign

[canadianfruitpunch]

Sorry but your sexual fantasy has a plot hole in it. Orgasm denied.

[canadianfruitpunch]

every day should be like i wake up & my first thought is a beautiful idea of a fun & new activity & i spend my day accomplishing it

[canadianfruitpunch]

wake up babe, new ernie sound just dropped

#…. AAA ! #baseball #toronto blue jays

[canadianfruitpunch]

that’s a whole man.

[canadianfruitpunch]

Every whole-body deodorant commercial is like You can use this on your pits……. feet🦶😳….. and even…….. down there⁉️⁉️😱🤯🤧 yeah.

We went there.

*shot of someone opening their waistband and spraying a concentrated stream directly into their pussy*