catherinerabbit

[catherinerabbit]

Porygon

[catherinerabbit]

Dolly Parton has come to do a show in my town. We couldn't afford tickets, so me and my mom sold my stepdad so we could go.

It turned out that we sold him to Dolly Parton, she made him sing with her and then she gave him back.

[catherinerabbit]

The computer is a machine built for looking at pictures of fish you wouldn't otherwise see. Anything else you can do with a computer was an accident and unintended

[catherinerabbit]

sorry professor i did not do this asisgnemtn becuase i was too sad! NO consequences please. goodbye

[catherinerabbit]

#found this thing in the SOIL

[catherinerabbit]

shame that no one puts bait under a box propped up by a stick anymore. because of woke

[catherinerabbit]

Kitchen Nightmares is really just like

Owners: i don't know why my restaurant is failing. Chef Ramsey please help

Ramsey: hello i am Gordon Ramsay. How is the food

Owners: we have the best food

*food comes out*

Gordon: this is an alive rat

Owners: our customers love te alive rat. We have the best food. Every day they order the alive rat.

*dinner service*

Customer: oh my god this is an alive rat

Waitress: is everything okay?

Customer: no it's an alive rat

*food is sent back*

Owner: this has never happened before. Fuck you Gordon Ramsay you should just leave. People love the alive rat

*Gordon goes in the freezer*

Gordon: there are 25 molds unknown to science. The rats have set up a lab to study them. Blimey. Scientist rats. They've unionized.

*later*

Gordon: your food is bad

Owner: no!!!!!!!!

Gordon: yes

Owner: oh my god our food is bad

*remodel, menu change*

Owner: oh my god Gordon Ramsay you saved my life thank you so much

Gordon: promise never to serve alive rats again, yeah?

Owner: yes of course

*end of episode*

Gordon: ratatouille ammirite? *He walks away chuckling*

End card: the restaurant was shut down three months later because they went back to serving alive rats.

[catherinerabbit]

i had autoclave stuck in my head during the plane ride home so i just kinda rolled with it

[catherinerabbit]

People who think this planet was created for humans to be ours are so wild to me

[catherinerabbit]

today's children are gonna become teens and clown the shit out of us for 'eepy' and 'blorbo' but they'll say it in cocomelonese so we won't understand them

[catherinerabbit]

i'm proposing a new diagnostic critera for autism spectrum testing

[catherinerabbit]

stop getting so obsessed with fictional dudes like get real. start downloading millions of images of real men with families

[catherinerabbit]

I think we need more "unnecessary" gore in horror movies actually I think people should explode into a giant mess of blood and tissue and viscera during random scenes in horror movies

[catherinerabbit]

i actually dont mind tumblr posts reposted to pinterest. the 13 y/o "pinterest in the only social media my parents let me have" girlies deserve a little treat

[catherinerabbit]

clownfish be like "i know a spot" and take you to a fucking deadly sea organism

[catherinerabbit]

When people get a little too gung-ho about-

wait. cancel post. gung-ho cannot be English. where did that phrase come from? China?

ok, yes. gōnghé, which is…an abbreviation for “industrial cooperative”? Like it was just a term for a worker-run organization? A specific U.S. marine stationed in China interpreted it as a motivational slogan about teamwork, and as a commander he got his whole battalion using it, and other U.S. marines found those guys so exhausting that it migrated into English slang with the meaning “overly enthusiastic”.

That’s…wild. What was I talking about?

[catherinerabbit]

Can you watch this freaking thing for me