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And be sure to give that notification bell a BRAAP.
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The officer was also overheard on the trail saying to riders passing by, “Hey brah, after we tear up this shralp, think you could hook me up with some dank CBD joints for a chill vape smoke?”
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Not cool, man. There are kids out here.
Happy Strava-ween!
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It’s getting to be that time of year when we get off the bike and hit the gym. When the weather heats up again, you could be ready to shralp those trails by sticking to this exercise routine, but will surely have your attention taken away by some other dumb fucking thing.
First off, you’ll want to start with shoulder presses. You’ll want to start with lighter weight and have good form… actually you should probably watch some fitness YouTubers first to make sure you’ve got your form down. Do a search for “shoulder presses with good form”. Man, there are a lot of these fitness videos, and why is there a Joe Rogan video suggested in here? You’ve never even watched his YouTube. He did talk to Edward Snowden though, that could be interesting… No, you’re supposed to be working out.
Click on any one of those fitness ones we’re sure they’re fine. This one says he trains celebrities. Those actors have it made, getting paid to work out with a personal trainer. Did you see Paul Rudd in that Ant Man movie? He was ripped. Wait, how old is Paul Rudd? Go look him up on IMDB, we’ll wait…. What? He’s 50?! That’s crazy, he could easily pass for 35.
Oh look, there’s a banner ad for that Watchmen show on HBO. You’ve been meaning to check that out. Maybe watch the first half of an episode and then it’s time do those rows or shoulder presses or whatever… wait, what’s the HBO GO password? It was something with your childhood dog’s name. Or was that Netflix? Go ask your wife if she knows what the HBO password is, we still have some time…
No, that’s not it either. Click the “Forgot my password” link. Ok, it sent you an email to retrieve your password. Wow, you have a lot of unread emails. Oh look, Banana Republic is having a sale on those sweaters you like. Shit, sold out in your size. Maybe in grey? Nope, maybe The Gap has something similar? Oof, look at the time, it’s getting late.
Ok, tomorrow for sure you will start that exercise routine. No distractions, 100% commitment. For sure.
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The new app launched as a second screen experience with the Rampage live event allows users to get an up-close view of Cam McCaul’s features. One user claims, “I feel like I’m right there in the action, commentating alongside Cam, all from the comfort of my couch.”
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Industry insiders say the addition of the sport might appeal to a demographic that has not previously been interested in Rampage. A Redbull spokesperson said, “We think unicycling at Rampage will attract audiences we’ve never reached such as theater majors, renaissance fair employees, people who own pet ferrets, dungeon masters, home-made vest aficionados, Jack White, and so on.”
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The man is said to have removed his shirt immediately after finishing his ride on a local trail despite the weather being rather mild and has remained shirtless as he engages in multiple conversations in the parking lot. The shirtless man, described as being “marginally in shape”, still had not put his shirt back on as of press time and was last seen loudly describing in detail his suspension settings.
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Although the duo admitted they were contractually obligated to write and perform the song in lieu of the sneaker apparel giant acquiring Five Ten, they said they are looking forward to the 2020 lineup of downhill Impact Pro™ shoes with patented Impact-resistant Poron® toe box technology.
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For our money it doesn’t get any better than Pinecreek Brewery’s Lazy Hazy Hoppin’ Crazy. With it’s perfect balance of citrus-tinged hops, it’s a great way to cap a day with your buds on the trail and let you forget, however briefly, that you are just a random collection of molecules hurtling through an indifferent universe and that none of this really matters.
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“I thought I had forgotten my speaker, but luckily I brought it otherwise I would’ve only had the soundtrack of the natural world and my inner thoughts to listen to.”
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#3: When ordering at a restaurant, ask if the chef has any specials dialed in for the day.
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Felt rad, might delete later.
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