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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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~ The Hurricane Shawl ~ **Free pattern**
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Hello everyone! It’s time to share my first official pattern! I had a lot of people express their interest on Instagram due to the unique shape of this shawl, so I decided to write up my process and share it with all of you! I would say a beginner could do this pattern as long as you were comfortable with increasing and decreasing stitches. 
This pattern is a 12 row repeat, but trust me, it’s a lot simpler than it looks. For the shawl pictured above I used one whole cake of Hobbii’s Twister yarn, but any fingering weight yarn will work. I recommend at least 1000 yards, but you can use any amount of yarn and make this shawl as big or as small as you like. I also used a 4.25 mm crochet hook (sometimes labelled as a G hook, but not always). If you don’t have this size, you could use anything from a 4.5 to a 3.5 and you’ll have a similar drape. Gauge does not matter for this pattern. This pattern is in US terms.
Click through the read more to get started!
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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I’m going to save up for a new motorcycle by running a scam where I bet straight dudes at bars twenty bucks that I can get a girl’s number in under five minutes and then politely walk up her and say, “I just bet that asshole twenty bucks that I could get your number. I’ll split it with you if you pretend to laugh like I just said a good pick up line and then write a fake number on my hand.”
Like, I never understood those kind of bets in those shitty teen movies. Everybody loves being part of a scheme, man. Use your head.
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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Sometimes a Son’s Greatest Fear is Becoming His Father
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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If you're a creator and you needed to hear this today:
You have no idea how many people lurk on your work. No idea how many times people go back to revisit your work. How big they smile when they simply think about your work. How fast their heart beats, how excited they get when they see that you posted something.
People are shy with their feedback. Sometimes it’s because they’re simply shy. Other times it’s because they assume you already know how great and talented you are. Could be both.
My point is, even if you barely have any likes or reblogs, don’t get discouraged. You have a lot of silent fans, but they are still your fans. Keep on creating. Because there is always someone out there who will love what you have made.
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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So for years black girls have had to read fanfics where y/n was automatically described as being paled skinned with long flowing hair and blue eyes. We couldn’t relate to it exactly, it excluded us, it ignored us. But we read it cause it was all that was out there. Now when we start writing fanfics for other black girls to feel included and represented, now you all are saying that you ‘‘can’t relate to it” therefore don’t support black writers when we were supporting your work all those years even though you were acting like we don’t exist within these fandoms. 
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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So so SO happy that your feeling better!! Take as much time off as you need!!! It definitely fair to rest and you more than deserve it. :) Plz stay safe and take care of yourself!!
hello, it’s me again.
sorry to anyone who i gave a scare to- and to those who left me messages, from the bottom of my heart; thank you so so much.
i will keep every word and read them over and over and over when i’m feeling sad and lonely and upset.
i apologize for not answering them all- it makes me feel guilty because i don’t want anyone to feel like they’re not heard, but i read them all, i promise. it’s just i get overwhelmed easily, and a horrible thing that happens due to my dpdr disorder is if i feel any strong and overwhelming emotion i sort of... check out. but please- please, please know that i’m so appreciative and i feel so much better after that episode last night.
i’m truly sorry for scaring anyone- i never meant this blog to hold any sort of bad or negative vibes and energy; this is a place where i escape and i... still hope it can be that way for those of you that need it.
anyways, i love you all. i can’t promise that i’ll be back tomorrow or today and write- but i had to get days off because... i wasn’t kind to myself last night and feel it’s only fair to rest.
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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And the one time Sakusa Kiyoomi lost it
Atsumu, glancing at kagehina bickering with each other: Oh come on.
Sakusa, looking up from his stretching position: *hums*
Atsumu: is it that hard to cut the crap already? Nobody believes their fake-ass ""competitions"" anyways. It's been years.
Sakusa: *nods*
Atsumu: -And it's getting painful to watch.
Sakusa: *nods*
Atsumu: ya could slice bread with their gross, over-developed sexual tension. HOW can someone be so dense? Shamelessly flirting all over the place and then-
Sakusa: Miya.
Atsumu: What
Sakusa: I'm thinking.
Atsumu: Cool.
Sakusa:
Sakusa, whispering: No, it can't be, there must be a substantial difference somewhere.
Atsumu: Uh?
Sakusa:
Sakusa, out loud: This is appalling and also disrespectful. Me? And this idiot? Unrealistic. We could not be doing that kind of thing. My resentment is sincere after all.
Atsumu: not doing what
Sakusa: I hate you for real, Miya, don't I?
Atsumu: Wh- y're asking me???
Sakusa: -but of course I hate his smug face. See? I'm pissed off now and whose fault is it? That's right. This jerk right here.
Atsumu: Was it my face y're insulting-
Sakusa: I'm undoubtedly enraged and, and. DISTRESSED.
Atsumu: dude are ya having a seizure-
Sakusa: Shut up. You can't stand me either, right?
Atsumu: Uh? You know I don't, Omi. What with you being a blunt-ass, stone-faced piece of shit.
Sakusa:
Sakusa: then we're good. Everything is under control.
Atsumu:
Atsumu: but y're cool sometimes.
Sakusa: Do not.
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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I loved this!! It was so sweet 🥺
Can i ask for a suna x reader request where the reader is the team’s manager and swear she wouldn’t date another volleyball player after her ex, but suna changes her mind? 👀👀
a/n - this ended up way longer than i intended. whoops. honestly as i wrote this, i forgot all about the original plot. he does still change her mind though! it just became more of a best friends to lovers au (which i’m a big fat lover of). anyway, hope you enjoy :)
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You swore off dating volleyball players the night you turned up at his house, tears rolling down your cheeks and red eyes. Your voice was hoarse when you told him, when you told Suna you would never date another volleyball player. The tears dampened his shirt as he held you, as he listened to you rant.
Suna hated to admit it, but a part of him was glad when he saw you on his doorstep that night. It meant you had finally realised what a piece of shit you had been dating and also opened up an avenue that had been previously shut for him. However, none of that mattered when you were in front of him. Any part of him that rejoiced at your broken expression disgusted him.
"All volleyball players are shit," you sobbed, pressing your face into his chest, choosing to forget that you were currently seeking comfort in the arms of one. "Can you believe he cheated on me?"
"I always told you he was a piece of shit," drawled Suna, rubbing soothing circles into your back. You bit back another sob, landing a light smack to his shoulder.
"And you're suddenly Mr Perfect?"
"I wouldn't cheat on you."
"Well, it doesn't really matter anyway," you sighed, curling into the warmth Suna provided, arms wrapping around his waist. "A volleyball player and me will never be a thing again. Fuck that. I'm not going through that pain again."
That whole night Suna was there to offer you comfort. He let you wash in his bathroom, giving you one of his favourite t-shirts and a pair of boxers to wear to bed. He even gave you his bed to sleep in, saying he would sleep on the floor. You couldn't let him do that, grabbing him by the wrist and pulling him into the bed beside you. Suna was also the one who called your mother, explaining that you were staying at his house tonight.
And, the next morning, you were awoken to the smell of breakfast wafting through the house, walking down the stairs to be greeted by Suna on a video call with Osamu. It was clear Osamu was instructing him on how to cook, something that Suna struggled with.
"Morning, Rin, Samu," you greeted, waving at the phone screen as you stepped into view. Osamu eyes widened slightly at the sight of your clothing. You were still dressed in Suna's clothes, and, if you didn't know why, you would admit your reaction likely would have been the same.
"Ooh, y/n," sang Atsumu's voice, his head appearing at the top of the frame as Osamu pushed him away. "What have ya -"
He was cut off by Suna's barked 'shut up'. In a quiet voice, you stated simply, "My boyfriend, ex now I suppose, cheated on me."
"Did Suna make ya forget all about that loser?" asked Atsumu, his head now back in frame and pushing against Osamu's as he tried to claim the centre of the screen.
"Sumu!" snapped Osamu, shooting him a glare as he gave him a hard slap to the back of the head.
"If letting me cry and rant to him counts, then yes," you sighed, turning away from them and heading to the cupboard to grab a glass.
"Samu," called Suna, looking up from the pan helplessly, "what do I do now?"
He held up the food to show that it was burnt, charred to the point that it was disintegrating. Osamu let out a sigh. "I can come over and cook for ya if you want."
You nodded enthusiastically in the background, letting out an enthused shout. "Yes please!"
"Okay," he nodded, standing up from where he rested on his bed. "I'll be there in a bit."
"Don't bring Atsumu," pleaded Suna.
"I'm comin’," said Atsumu, poking his tongue out at the camera before Osamu hung up. Suna let out a sigh, looking over at you apologetically. His plan for a quiet morning with you to let you recuperate and prepare to face the world again was coming to an end. Instead, you would be thrust back into it with the presence of the twins, especially Atsumu.
You stepped towards him, resting a hand on his shoulder. Wordlessly, he wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you against him. Head pressed against his chest, you mumbled, "I really don't mind you know. I love hanging out with the twins. You know that."
"I just wanted everything to be good for you, you know?" he admitted, resting his cheek on the top of your head. "Are you feeling better this morning?"
"Like you said, he was a piece of shit. I supposed it was about time I realised that."
"Yeah," he sighed, brushing a kiss to the top of your head. "It would've been better if you hadn't been hurt in the process."
"Well hey," you said, looking up at him with a small smile playing on your lips, "at least I know who not to date so don't worry. I won't go running into the arms of anyone on the team to make me feel better."
"You can come to me though," he murmured, voice low. You looked up at him, eyebrows raising in confusion.
"What did you say?" you asked, pulling away and moving across the kitchen to grab a glass from the cupboard.
"Um...," he hesitated, running a hand through his sleep mussed hair. He refused to meet your gaze, focusing instead on a point above your head. "Just that you can run to the twins if you need, preferably Osamu but I suppose Atsumu is good for a hookup. I guess it depends on whose hair you prefer. You've always had a thing for blondes..."
"Rin, I'm going to stop you there," you laughed, holding up a hand and cutting off his tangent. "You don't need to worry. Also, where'd you get the idea that I'm into blondes?"
"Well, your last few boyfriends..."
"Personally, I've always preferred brunettes," you shrugged, heading over to the sink to fill up your glass. You let out a light giggle. "Now that I think about it, it is weird that I always end up dating blondes."
“Evidence of your horrible taste,” he teased, forever thankful that you could take any awkward comment in your stride and put him at ease. It was something so natural to you. In fact, you had grown used to his occasional odd remarks, brushing them under the rug. There were times when you would tease Suna for it, but, most of the time, you let it slide. It was a part of your best friend.
You let out a gasp, holding a hand to your heart in fake shock. But then, you shook your head, face splitting into a grin. “You’re not wrong. Maybe you’ll have to teach me how to find a nice guy.”
“I don’t know if I’m the best choice for that.”
“You don’t know that. You’re always right about how horrible anyone I show an interest in is.”
Suna might always be right, but he was always searching for the bad points of those you dated. Jealousy drove him to overlook any of the good things, like how happy they usually made you the first few weeks you were together.
“Yeah, well,” he admitted, “I’m not necessarily looking for the good things when I judge your boyfriends.”
“You’re so overprotective,” you snorted, dancing around him to take a seat at the kitchen table. He didn’t reply to that, and you glanced upwards, taking note of his furrowed brow. You decided to change the topic of conversation, taking a sip of your water. Before you could, there was a furious knocking at the front door. Suna rolled his eyes as you stated, “The twins.”
“Well done, Captain Obvious,” he teased, ruffling your hair as he walked past you and headed towards the front door. He glanced back over at you. “Are you going to change?”
“Nah, it’s fine. They’ve seen me in worse states.”
That was true, and the fact annoyed Suna whenever he dwelled on it. 
Atsumu, thinking he was being funny, had snuck into the bathroom while you were showering and stole your clothing, leaving your underwear. To be fair to Atsumu, he hadn’t attempted to peek at you in your naked state. It would’ve been difficult if he had tired considering the shower curtain was drawn. If he had attempted to look, he would have been subject to Suna’s wrath, and he had a number of photos of Atsumu in compromising positions that he could release. Suna wished you had just walked to his room and taken some of his clothes. Instead, you had strode downstairs in your underwear, ignoring the looks from the team that Suna had invited over and stood over Atsumu.
“Clothes, now,” you commanded, hands resting on your hips. Suna had been quick to leap up from his position on the sofa, pulling his sweatshirt over his head and tugging it over your own, moving you like a doll as he shoved your arms into the sleeves and pulled it down to cover your lower half. Then, Suna had also fixed a glare on Atsumu.
“You’d better fucking hurry,” he said, the set of his face threatening some kind of consequence. Atsumu hadn’t wanted to find out, getting up from his seat and jogging towards the kitchen, where he thought it would be wise to hide your clothes in a cupboard.
“You’re so irritating,” you grumbled, pulling on the leggings and then removing Suna’s sweatshirt, and throwing your t-shirt on. You held the sweatshirt out to Suna. “Thanks for the cover up.”
“Did you really need to strip again?” he spluttered, blushing furiously as he took his sweatshirt back from you.
“So dramatic,” you sighed, rolling your eyes at Suna’s embarrassment. Atsumu, meanwhile, had looked like a child in a candy store.
“I always knew ya were hot, but damn,” said Atsumu, letting out a low whistle. Though you appreciated the compliment, you didn’t hesitate to give him a hard slap to the back of the head.
“Don’t steal my clothes,” you said, before your lips tugged upwards in a teasing smirk. You leant in. “If you wanted to see, all you had to do was ask.”
It was Atsumu’s turn to blush then, looking away and avoiding your gaze. Both of you were aware your statement was a lie, but he couldn’t help his reaction. Suna watched with his arms crossed, quietly seething. His chest felt tight. Then, you had looked over at him with a bright smile and asked, “You picked out the film yet?”
Suna was jerked from the memory by an increase in the knocking and a loud shout through the door. “Open the fuck up, ya idiot. I’m hungry too.”
“Shut up, Sumu,” he grumbled, swinging open the door. He nodded towards Osamu. “There should be enough food in the fridge but, if you need more, just give me a list and I’ll nip to the shop.”
“I’ll go, too,” you piped up, appearing in the corridor behind him. Atsumu sprinted forward, pulling you into a tight hug which you returned. “Okay, you big oaf. You can let go of me now.”
“If you cry, he’ll let go of ya in an instant,” said Osamu, giving your head a pat as he walked past you and into the kitchen.
“It was one time, Samu,” whined Atsumu, releasing you and following his brother into the kitchen. “I’m great at comforting girls, better than you.”
“I can cook.”
“Yeah, well,” spluttered Atsumu, “I’m hotter than you.”
“We’re identical.”
“Still hotter.”
“Identical. Twins.”
“Just like normal,” you said, grinning over at Suna as he held his head in his hands. Any plans for a quiet morning went down the drain, but, when he glanced over at you to see your smile, he couldn’t deny that he was glad the twins had come over.
That happiness dissipated when Atsumu had been kicked out of the kitchen by Osamu and sent out with you to get the rest of the ingredients. Osamu had insisted that only Suna could be trusted in the kitchen, despite burning what he tried to make earlier. Ultimately, though, Osamu wasn’t going to trust him with cooking. He had simply wanted to talk to his friend, find out what was going through his head.
“So,” Osamu said, taking a sip from the cup of tea Suna had made before continuing, “how is y/n after last night? How are you?”
“I think she’ll be fine,” Suna said, trying to decide how much he was comfortable with sharing. Letting out an exhale, he decided he might as well take the chance to explain how he was feeling. Nothing good came from bottling it up, something that had become all too clear to him when he had almost taken advantage of the alcohol to finally kiss you.
It had been on your eighteenth birthday. Using the excuse that you only turn eighteen once, you had downed drink after drink, slowly growing steadily more drunk, evidenced by the way you had zero inhibitions to jumping up onto a table and swaying your hips enticingly for all to see. Suna had frozen at the sight, the alcohol he had also drunk making him feel slightly braver. He had walked over to you, offering you his hand as he helped you jump down from the table. He leaned in, yelling to be heard over the music.
“You want to go somewhere else?”
You looked at him in confusion, your drunken mind not being able to fully process his request. All you could really concentrate on was the party, the happy buzz lighting your nerves. “Why?”
Suna had drawn in a breath, steeling himself. “I have something to give you. In private.”
The promise of a gift had caused you to loop your arm through his, letting him guide you somewhere else. It barely even registered that he had already given you his present, a beautiful necklace, an ornate and delicate star as the one charm on it. He had pressed a kiss to your cheek after being the one to place it around your neck. In fact, you were wearing it at that moment, the lights glinting off the silver.
“So, what did you want to give me?” you asked under the light of the moon. He reached forward, tracing a finger along the curve of your face. Suna’s hand stopped its movement, cupping your cheek. “Suna?”
He let out a breath that tickled your face. Slowly, carefully, he leaned in, his lips a whisper away before a shout broke through the relative peace of the garden.
“y/n!”
Your head turned in the direction, pulling out of Suna’s grip in the process. Atsumu stumbled towards you, slinging his arm over your shoulder. “Come on. I convinced Kita to play ‘Never Have I Ever’ and he’s usually no fun at parties. You too, Suna.”
That moment between the two of you in the garden had been forgotten by you, but it replayed regularly in Suna’s mind. He buried his face into his hands, Osamu’s quiet support enough to prompt him to continue with what he was saying. “I don’t know if I will be though.”
When he looked up, his eyes were unusually vulnerable. There was a hesitation in his gaze, and Osamu waited a moment before prompting, “Why?”
As Osamu began to chop up some of the ingredients, Suna began to speak again. “She swore off dating volleyball players, and I think that extends to me. To be honest, she’s probably only ever seen me as a friend. Pathetic, right? I invest all this time into our relationship. Don’t get me wrong, I love her friendship. I’ll never take it for granted. It’s just frustrating. Do I act too friendly with her? Am I not flirty enough? Why was I friend-zoned?”
Osamu continued cutting, choosing his next words carefully. “She’s probably never thought to look at you in another way. It would make sense she doesn’t want to risk your friendship, Rin.”
“I understand that,” he sighed, “but, what can I do?”
“All you can do is try to show her how you feel and hope she realises you’re the one for her,” advised Osamu. Suna made note of this, though a part of him wondered if it was the best option. In his opinion, Suna was already showing that he had feelings for you. How could he make that more known? Seeing the uncertainty on his face, Osamu continued. “You could always ask Sumu for advice but I doubt it would be more useful than mine.”
It was some time before Suna was able to broach the topic with Atsumu, though this time with more hypotheticals than outright admissions. Your head was resting in his lap, your breathing steady as one of his hands rubbed absentminded circles into your back. You would be the first to admit you hadn’t had the best of sleep that night, falling asleep as soon as the film Osamu had chosen was playing.
“It must have been really boring if y/n’s already asleep,” teased Atsumu, giving his brother a playful shove which Osamu ignored. “She usually stays up out of pity.”
“Whatever, Sumu,” sighed Osamu, hugging a cushion to his chest as he became fully engrossed in what was unfolding on screen. It was hard to rile Osamu up when he was in his element, and, frankly, this film was one of his favourites. It made him dream of running his own chain of restaurants, though without the mafia using it as a front for drug trades.
“Hey, Atsumu,” began Suna awkwardly, immediately getting the other twin’s attention. Osamu was too focused on the film to care what was being talked about around him, something he would regret when Atsumu bragged about Suna confiding in him the whole way home. “Say you liked this girl, but she was your best friend, and swore off dating volleyball players. How would you change her mind and show her how you feel?”
“I’d just tell y/n how I feel,” he replied. “It is y/n we’re talkin’ about, yeah?”
Suna nodded, though the slight frown that twisted his face told Atsumu he wasn’t happy that he had figured it out. Atsumu simply shrugged, giving his friend’s shoulder a squeeze.
“It’s kind of obvious,” Atsumu said, glancing down at the way Suna gently brushed your hair away from your face, his other hands resting against the curve of your waist. “Anyway, she’d appreciate the honesty. No need to show her. You show her how much ya care everyday anyway. It might not change her mind straight away but havin’ it out in the open might help her come around to the idea.”
“Thanks, Sumu,” said Suna, genuinely meaning the words.
“They don’t call me the Love Maestro for nothin’,” he bragged.
“No one calls you that,” shot Osamu, tuning in for that part of the conversation. Atsumu turned to him, scandalised.
“Do too.”
“Name one person.”
“...”
“Exactly.”
Later that day, Suna walked you home, slinging an arm around your shoulder and leaning a bit of his weight on you as you walked. Your own arm wrapped around his waist instinctively to keep your balance. It felt so natural to walk along with him like this, something you genuinely missed when you were dating someone. It just felt disrespectful to the other person to act as you did with Suna while with them. A part of you recognised that the way you acted around each other could be construed as a relationship, but you had never thought to entertain the idea. He was just Suna, your best friend.
You came to a stop in front of your front door, and he released your shoulder in favour of wrapping both of his arms around your waist to pull you into a hug. Instantly, you relaxed against him, arms winding around his neck. When he pulled away, your hands still rested on his shoulders and you smiled up at him.
“Call me if you need anything,” he said, eyes unusually soft as he stared at you. His eyes landed on the necklace around your neck, the star shining up at him from where it rested just above the neckline of your top. “I’ll see you tomorrow but if you need anything, if you just want to chat, call me, okay?”
You nodded, giving his shoulder a pat before releasing him. However, you made no move to step away and open your front door. Suna leaned forward, pressing a kiss to your cheek. At that, he stepped off your porch, turning away from you. “Goodnight.” I love you.
“Night, Rin.”
When his phone rang at two in the morning, he couldn’t say he hadn’t been expecting it. He was. It was normal for you to call him at random times of the night, particularly when you couldn’t get to sleep or had been awoken by a nightmare.
“Rin?” you breathed, voice quiet to avoid waking anyone up in your house. “Um, hi.”
“Morning, y/n,” he mumbled, switching you onto speaker and placing the phone down beside his head. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I was just having trouble sleeping. Um, can you tell me a story?”
“Don’t you think we’re too old for bedtime stories?” he chuckled, though he was already shifting through his brain for a tale he could tell you that had not already been shared.
“We’re still in high school,” you protested, and he could hear the pout in your voice. “We’re not adults yet.”
“Yeah, yeah, I know. Are you ready?”
He heard the sound of movement through the speaker, the sound of you getting into bed and placing the phone on the pillow beside you.
“Ready.”
So, Suna began, telling the story of a foolish knight who had fallen for the beautiful princess, a princess who was at home when she was sparring with the knights, when she could forget about all the eligible bachelors from other kingdoms. She was a princess who ate with the Royal Guard, prepared the roster for their training sessions, and offered her support whenever she was needed.
His voice lulled you to sleep, and, before you could question what had inspired such a tale, your eyes had slipped shut and sleep had pulled you under. Suna heard your change in breathing, your soft inhales and exhales slowing until they reached a steady rhythm. He trailed off, reaching for his phone, finger hovering over the button that would end the call. He pulled his finger away, letting his hand fall back down onto the mattress. Suna fell asleep to the sound of your breathing. He could almost pretend that you were beside him.
Your phone was flat when you woke up, and you cursed, hurriedly plugging yours into the charger. You hated being late, hated not knowing what the time was as soon as you woke up. You jogged down the stairs, reading the time on the clock in the kitchen and releasing the tension in one exhale. There was plenty of time. At a more relaxed pace, you continued to prepare for the day.
It was a busy day for you as manager of the volleyball club, something that you were thankful for as it meant you couldn’t dwell on your break up. Even if you weren’t busy with your club duties, the team would provide a distraction. Atsumu and Osamu argued more as third years, the influences of Kita, Aran and the others no longer there to calm them down. Suna was no help, urging them on whenever he could and then documenting the whole affair on his phone to send photos and videos to Kita and Aran later. To be fair, you did little to break it up either, preferring to let them work out their anger. It worked, though Kita insisted there was a better way. If he wanted to come back to Inarizaki and deal with them, he could.
The sound of your phone ringing sent you running back up the stairs, dodging out of the way of a parent that had just emerged from the bathroom. Suna’s name flashed on the screen, and you accepted the call, perching on the edge of the bed.
“I guess we fell asleep on call,” he laughed, his voice rough from having just woken up. “Your phone died, didn’t it?”
“Of course it did, idiot,” you sighed. “Why didn’t you hang up once I’d fallen asleep? You usually do.”
“You sounded cute,” he admitted, glad you could not see the flush that dusted his cheeks. “Plus, I figured you would be smart enough to have it plugged in if I was.”
“Not a valid excuse,” you quipped, resting your head in the palm of your hand. With a laugh, you said, “I panicked this morning thinking I would be late. The coaches wanted me to meet with them before class. You don’t know how pleased I was when I walked down the stairs to see I still had a while before I had to leave the house.”
“Sorry about that,” he muttered sheepishly before clearing his throat. “Is it charged now?”
You glanced down at your phone screen. “It’s at about 20% so it’s probably not going to last the whole day.”
“You can use mine if you need to. It is kind of my fault after all.”
“Kind of?” you questioned, humour in your tone. “Don’t worry though. It should be fine if I leave it off until I need to use it.”
“Just let me know if you need to borrow it, okay?” he insisted. “We have late practice.”
“Yeah, I know, got to make sure you lot are prepared for nationals. No losing to Karasuno this year.”
“Mmhm,” he hummed. “I’ll walk you home, alright?”
“Don’t worry about it, Rin,” you said. “My phone will last till then. Plus, you’ll be tired after practice. I’d be a bad manager if I didn’t make you go straight home to eat.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” he argued. “Besides, I can just eat at your house. Your parents say that I’m always welcome.”
“But then you’ll be going home too late. Won’t your mum be worried?”
“She’ll be fine. I usually stay out late, or are you forgetting the nights I’ve snuck over to yours and we’ve gone on midnight walks?”
“Fine,” you sighed, letting him win this time. “Don’t complain to me if you’re tired at school tomorrow.”
“When am I not half-asleep?”
“I’ll see you at school, Rin.”
“See you.”
There was no arguing with Suna over things like this. He was stubborn to a fault when it came to your safety. You might have been able to convince him to head straight home if your phone was fully charged. When that was the case, he insisted on staying on the phone with you the whole way, not feeling comfortable at the thought of you walking home alone in the dark. Suna wasn’t overbearing. If you honestly didn’t want him walking you home or calling you, he wouldn’t so long as you messaged him when you got home. But, you liked talking to him. That was the simple truth. You enjoyed spending time with Suna, and enjoyed talking to him. It was only Suna who wanted something more.
“So,” asked Atsumu, slinging an arm over Suna’s shoulder yanking him closer, “when are ya goin' to tell her?”
“Tell who?” asked Osamu. The look Suna shot him made him nod his head in realisation. “Ah, y/n… Wait, tell her? What happened to just showin’ her how you feel?”
“If that was going to work, it would’ve already,” said Atsumu, puffing out his chest proudly. “As Suna and I discussed, comin' clean and confessing is the best way forward.”
“I hate to say it, but he had a point Samu,” agreed Suna, sliding out from under Atsumu’s arm. “Anyway, I’m not going to tell her anytime soon. She’s had enough to deal with. She doesn’t need her best friend confessing to her straight after a rough break up. It’s almost nationals time as well. Confessing might throw off the team dynamic and I don’t want to ruin that.”
“I think you’re just being a pussy,” declared Atsumu, lips quirking upwards in a teasing smirk.
“I think you’re being smart,” said Osamu. “Wait until the best time.”
All Suna had done, was continuing to do, was wait. However, he made a concerted effort to be there for you more often, being the shoulder you would lean on for support. Unknown to you consciously, a part of you had begun to reciprocate Suna’s feelings. On occasion, it would be you who would reach out for him, locking your pinkies together and sharing a secret smile across the lunch table.
Over the course of the next few months, there were many late night phone calls, which quickly transformed into video chats. He listened to you, helped you work through the residual feelings from your break up. Being cheated on had left you feeling inferior, and Suna had been there to build you back up.
One day, you turned to face your friend Reo, hardly believing the words that fell from your lips. “Tell me honestly. Do you think I’m falling for another volleyball player?”
“Another one?” she questioned, raising an eyebrow. Then, the realisation finally seemed to hit her and she let out a gasp. “Suna?”
“I don’t know,” you sighed, resting your chin on top of your open palm. “Am I just projecting? Do I really have feelings for him or am I just craving that kind of emotional connection with someone? Plus, it’s Suna. He’s my best friend.”
“Is that all he is to you, though?” she questioned, studying you. “I know he’s your best friend, but I am too. Who did you seek comfort from after your break up? Who do you fall asleep with over the phone every night? Did you ever act the same with people you were in a relationship with that you do with Suna? I mean, I know you haven’t kissed him or anything but you are more physically affectionate and open with him than people you’ve been in a relationship with. I know you’re going to be stubborn about this, say that’s just how you’ve always been, but I want you to think about how you treat each other. If you want my honest opinion, I’d say the feelings have always been there, especially on Suna’s part.”
You blinked at Reo, taking in what she was saying. It made you contemplate, think back on specific moments in your friendship with Suna where it was possible you had crossed some invisible line that you weren’t supposed to. But every moment with Suna felt so natural you couldn’t pinpoint where the line would be, let alone when you would have crossed it. It became clear to you then. You had feelings for Suna Rintaro. There went your vow to never date another volleyball player again.
If only Suna had realised you had made this realisation already. He could have stopped planning out how to confess to you with Osamu and Atsumu, their idea involving him reducing his contact with you until everything was prepared. That fact itself was easier said than done, and they couldn’t control what he did in the quiet of his home (which was find any excuse to phone you and talk to you).
That night, he asked you, “Can you be ready for one in the afternoon tomorrow? I have something planned that I hope you’ll like.”
“Sure,” you agreed. “I have something I want to say to you as well.”
He felt anxiety grip him at your statement, fearing the worst. His fingers tightened around the phone, his breath catching in his throat. You could hear his struggle through the phone and reassured, “Don’t worry. It’s nothing bad, at least I hope you don’t think it is. I’ve just finally realised something and want to tell you in person.”
"Okay," he breathed, though the knot of anxiety in his chest didn't loosen. "I'll see you tomorrow. Have a good sleep. Love you."
"Night, Rin," you replied, feeling your heart flutter slightly at his words. The words had been said before in passing, but always with Suna firmly placed as a friend. "Love you too."
At one the next day, you were sat waiting for him on your front step, fiddling with your phone in your hands. You had just spoken to Reo for advice, her words soothing your nerves. She had told you it was clear that Suna wanted to admit something too, and, for some reason, having that knowledge outlined for you by another put you at ease.
Seeing him approaching, you rose from your seated position, gesturing for him to wait for you on the pavement. Suna came to a stop, holding out his arms for a hug. You were quick to relax into his hold, arms giving his own waist a squeeze before letting go. Smiling up at him with unusual silence, you asked, “Can I tell you something before we go? I just think you deserve to know.”
He hesitated. A part of him was curious, wanted to know, but the rest of him feared that your news would ruin what he had planned. Suna wanted to confess to you before you revealed whatever you had realised. “Um, can I show you what I planned first? It’s kind of important.”
You raised an eyebrow, wondering how it could be so important that he didn’t want to hear what you said. At the nervous look in his eyes, you took his hand, giving it an affectionate squeeze. “Okay. Let’s go.”
Still holding his hand, you pulled him after you, moving with confidence though you had no idea what direction Suna wanted to take you in. He pulled you to a stop, shooting you a smirk. “Wrong way, idiot.”
“It’s not like I can read your mind,” you sighed, throwing your arms up in exasperation. You gave him a grin. “Want to take the lead?”
“With pleasure,” he said, choosing to release his hold on your hand and drape his arm over your shoulder. In response, your own wrapped around his waist and you fell into step beside him.
The sight that greeted you was unexpected and took your breath away. It was oddly beautiful in a simple way, something no one had ever thought to put together for you before, despite its relative simplicity. You looked up at him, mouth dropping open in shock and disbelief. “You really went through the trouble of setting up a picnic for me?”
“Well, yeah,” he replied. “You said you always wanted to go on a picnic with someone you love. I figured I counted at least a little bit.”
“You definitely count,” you said, giving him a slight nudge with your elbow. “I’d probably rather do this with you anyway. On another note, who made the food? Because you can’t cook for shit.”
“Osamu might have helped a little bit.”
“Just a little bit?” you teased, smirking up at him.
“Maybe more than a little bit, but that doesn’t matter.”
“Whatever you say, Rin,” you grinned, wandering over to sit on the blanket. He sank onto the floor beside you, leaning his side against your own. You relaxed against his warmth, letting your head drop against his shoulder. His own head dropped to rest against yours, his hand reaching out to hold yours, tangling your fingers together.
For a moment, you sat in silence, cherishing just being together. Suna cleared his throat, breaking the silence. “Before we eat, I have something to say to you. Can you promise whatever I say to you won’t change what we have right now?”
You looked up at him with concern. “I promise.”
Suna drew in a deep breath, releasing your hand and moving to sit in front of you. You let yourself miss the warmth of his body pressed against you, knotting your fingers together as you allowed your eyes to meet his. The hesitation in his face was clear, and you reached forward, resting a hand on his knee.
“Just tell me,” you reassured, smiling at him softly. “Nothing can change how I feel about you.”
“Okay,” he sighed, reaching forward, and clasping the hand you had rested on your knee. In that moment, he went for the bluntest approach. “I have feelings for you.”
You blinked over at him in shock, your grip on his hand tightening. That hadn’t been what you were expecting to hear, but hearing the words made your heart flutter. It made it so much easier to admit what you had finally realised. “I have feelings for you too.”
“Wait, you do?” said Suna, eyes widening in shock. This was far more than he could have hoped for. You nodded slowly, unable to help the own smile that pulled at your lips in response to his own.
Suna moved closer to you, letting his hand come up to rest against your face. He cupped it carefully, his thumb brushing against your cheek. Slowly, giving you the option to pull away he leaned in, only to let out a small gasp in shock when your hands gripped his top and pulled him towards you, pressing your lips against his. His hands slipped into your hair, holding you in place as he deepened the kiss, letting out a low groan of satisfaction at the feel of your hands slipping under the material of his top and rest against his bare skin.
“Fuck,” he breathed, pulling away to rest his forehead against your own. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do that for.”
“Hope it was worth it,” you giggled, leaning forward to brush your lips against his. He captured your lips once again, kissing you softly, delicately.
“More than worth it,” he sighed, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you into his lap. You fell into his chest, ear pressed against his beating heart. It was still racing now, even though you had accepted his advances. You lifted your head up, pressing a kiss to his jaw.
“Want to eat the food Samu made now?” you questioned, turning in his hold and resting your back against his chest. His stomach let out a low grumble. You leaned forward, grabbing a plate of food and letting out a giggle. “I suppose I’ll take that as an answer then.”
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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Are you trying to make me cry?? Cause it’s working
to the ends of the earth — k. bokuto
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pairing -> gn!reader x bokuto
synopsis -> 0.6k; bokuto realizes just how much you need him (and how much it’s going to hurt whenever you don’t)
warnings -> fluffy ending, bittersweet angst, mentions of death, terminal/chronic illness
a/n -> please reblog if you enjoyed!
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When they say you’re dying, it doesn’t hurt at first. It’s numb, but honestly you’ve been that way ever since you knew you were sick. It hurts in a slow way. A way where you don’t even know that it hurts yet. Then the dam breaks, your footing slips, and you’re struck with the unsettling feeling that you don’t actually have forever.
And suddenly everything seems too far, every dream too dramatic and any place outside of your house has now turned into a hike.
Some kids grow up too fast and some kids never get to grow up, you’ve come to realize, as 2:46 A.M. shines in red on your alarm clock.
The thought of messaging your boyfriend crossed your mind, but you figured he needed his sleep. It was late and he had practice in the morning after all. Bokuto was sweet, but you knew he didn’t know how to tell anyone no - which was why you always felt odd asking him to do things for you.
Of course, he knew you were sick. What he didn’t know was how worried you actually were about it.
He was with you when you found out. He watched as your face never changed expression, the only sign of you being upset was your clenched jaw. The thing he didn’t see was you going to cry in the bathroom immediately after.
You heard your phone ding and you were sure it couldn’t have been a better time - or a better person.
‘hey, hey, babe? i’m tired but I can’t sleep :( i hope you’re asleep though!! and having nice dreams <3’
A smile crossed your face as you read his text. You debated on replying - you didn’t want to keep him up, but wasn’t he awake anyway?
‘hi im still up’
‘are you ok bubs?’
The truth is you weren’t, and you were now realizing that you hadn’t been in a long time. The days of you being truly happy felt so far away. You were tired. Tired of saying everythings fine, tired of acting like you weren’t uneasy, tired of blinking away tears, tired of lying. For the first time in - had it actually been forever? - you finally said, for once, that you weren’t ok. And you didn’t know if you ever would be.
That was the night when Bokuto realized just how bad you were doing. Of course, he always knew you weren’t doing great, but now he was realizing how much. And he was scared. He didn’t remember the last time he was scared. Intimidated or anxious, sure, but he hadn’t been scared since he was a kid. He knew there was going to be an absence in his life if you weren’t there, half of his heart was rotting in his chest and he didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t do anything, that was just it.
The only way he knew how to make it go away was to distract. If he was feelin like this, he didn’t even know what you felt like.
So maybe that was why he’d shown up at you front door the next morning with a bag in his hand. His eyes were red and puffy, accentuated by the dark circled resting under them. He was smiling though. Bokuto always tried to smile around you, you found.
“Bo, what are you doing here? Don’t you have practice?” You said. When you spoke you found that your voice was raspy, you knew it was from the lack of sleep but it sent a chill up your spine.
“I figured we should make the most of what time we have left. You know that I’d follow you to the ends of the Earth, Y/N. Maybe we can take the long way there.”
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all works © kageyuji 2020. do not copy, plagiarize, or otherwise steal.
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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This is SO good I love it
Things That Break
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warnings / genre -> fluff, tsukki’s abandonment issues, vague mentions of food
word count -> 0.4K
synopsis -> Tsukishima begins to remember why he doesn’t like things that break.
a/n -> gender neutral, and please reblog if you enjoyed!
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Tsukishima Kei had always tried to stay away from things that break. Glass, expensive things, antiques, so on and so forth.
So maybe it was unconsciously that he’d kept his heart so guarded as well - what was the point of showing your heart to someone? They would break it just like glass. Just like he’d accidentally broke his mother’s expensive vase as a kid.
He’d be left there with a hole in his heart, which he deemed pointless. Why fall in love just to get violently pulled out of it?
Yet here he was, sitting outside of the restaurant cursing himself. He should have known better than to think you’d show up. In fact, he didn’t even know why you’d gone with him anyway. He was bitter and cold to everyone, and on most occasions with you. Whatever you’d seen in him, he was sure it must be gone now.
He held his phone in his hand, waiting and hoping for the screen to light up with a message from you. It didn’t, but the street lights illuminated the crack in it’s screen. Yamaguchi had accidentally broken it a few months ago and he hadn’t had time to fix it.
“Tsukki!” He heard you say, and a million emotions ran through him at once. Anger, worry (or was it fear? He couldn’t tell), and something like heartache. He hoped it wasn’t heartbreak.
“What?” He asked, he was tense, but still turning to look at you. He’d never actually wanted to cry so much, this lump in his throat was beginning to be painful. He never cried, especially not in public, it wasn’t like him.
“I’m sorry,” You started. He wanted to tune to you. To put on his headphones and let the bass drown your voice. Yet for the umpteenth time, he found himself incapable of listening to anything except every word you had to say.
“There was a lot of traffic, and then there was road work, and I tried to call but there wasn’t any signal. I’m so sorry, Tsukki. If you want to cancel, I under-”
“It’s fine.” He said softly, and he found that suddenly the lump in his throat was gone. “You couldn’t help it. Let’s just get dinner, yeah?”
A smile tugged at the corner of your lips as you grabbed his hand. He felt strange and a little out of place, but soon he realized that it felt nice. It felt safe.
Tsukishima Kei has always tried to stay away from things that break. But he didn’t think he heart was going to be one.
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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I have $330 in bills coming up over the next two weeks – the most pressing of which is the car payment due on 12/06, the one I’ve managed to put off for nearly 2 months through the company’s hardship/coronavirus programs, but I don’t think I can put it off any longer. That bill is $235. 
The car is how I get my roommate to work. Get our teenager from school. Get groceries for our household of 4 adults. 
So, if you can help, I can’t express how much I appreciate it if you do. If you can’t, please reblog? I hate doing this. I really really do. 
paypal.me/ulfruntyrsdottir
venmo borinquenaqueer
cashapp $reyahwolfe 
You can also buy an art print from me here
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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PLEASE DON'T SCROLL PAST
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On May 6, 2020, IMPD officer Dejoure Mercer fatally shot 21 year old Dreasjon Reed while he was running away. Reed's only "crime" was speeding on the fucking highway. Despite there being video of the murder both from Reed's own Facebook live and a nearby security camera along with eyewitness testimony, the grand jury decided that there was not enough evidence to charge the cop responsible with murder. Please donate whatever you can to the family's GoFundMe here. All donations go to Reed's family to help pay for legal fees and to get by while grieving. If you can, please also donate to Indy10 Black Lives Matter, the local activists who have been working tirelessly to get justice:
P*ypal: Indy10People
C*shapp: $Indy10BLM
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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Writing is art!! Reblog it!!!
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Reblog art guys. Seriously.
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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Did I meme right?
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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This is absolutely amazing and I love it!!
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black because it’s everybody else’s funeral
[image is 4 long, thin panels arranged horizontally featuring bokuto, atsumu, sakusa, and hinata, all harshly backlit. above bokuto, a screeching great horned owl is depicted in flight, with the word “war” under it. above atsumu, a savage, snarling, salivating fox is depicted, with the word “famine” under it. above sakusa, a stalking weasel stares up at the camera with the word “pestilence” under it. above hinata, a raven is depicted, staring out with one beady eye; the word “death” is written under it.]
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chaotic-and-dead · 3 years
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wakatoshi smiling.. reblog for good luck (clear skin, good grades, financial luck etc)
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