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some art posters I'd put up in my dream home

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08.10.2021

the past month has been wild! i started my phd (i'm researching how support networks contribute to student mental health) and i've had so much reading and admin work to do in the first few weeks. i finally got to visit campus (!!!!) and it's absolutely beautiful, i'm so excited to spend the next 3 years here. i'm hoping my posts will become more regular again as i really get stuck into my research. hope everyone is well & safe & happy! :-)

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Zen Beach, Tom Kristensen

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“I tried to break down that wall, but all that broke was my own heart.”

— k.b. // stray kids - sorry, i love you

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German Chamomile tatt commish

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I can’t begin to express my gratitude to Sadie and Dylan for giving us everything they had in order to tell this story. All Too Well The Short Film is out on YouTube, and showing all week at the AMC 13 theater in NYC. For you, from us.

http://taylor.lnk.to/ATWshortfilm

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bbambiing: https://www.instagram.com/p/CKnf1AsHmXQ/

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A sad sunrise

They’re kind of the same: Falling in love,   And being sad. You know that feeling   when you know in your heart that the person in front of you   is gonna fade away little by little, until you forget about the time   you spent watching him sing his heart out until the sun rose,   and you watched it together. Yeah it’s sad being in love.

-HS

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“Words fail to express how much I loved you, but you must understand that I had to leave. Loving you was as easy as breathing; it became a part of me. But it grew suffocating and I no longer recognized myself.”

- It was me or you, and for once, I had to choose me

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you can’t make good decisions past midnight. i know because it’s two in the morning and i’m reading old texts that i probably should’ve deleted.

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5 years on and I still have no idea who I am. I keep this page as an everlasting reminder of the first time I learned how your heart feels like it’s on fire when it’s yearning for someone. How empty your lungs feel after you’ve slid down your bedroom door and your hands are trying to stop your mouth from letting out any type of sound, trying to keep yourself from literally falling apart. How mind-numbingly slow time goes when you’re waiting for one response that probably isn’t coming.

At 17 I learned for the first time that you find all kinds of love in life. Sometimes you experience the kind of love that was never going to last forever but my fucking god do you wish it did. The type of love that was so perfectly placed you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what happened. The kind of love that no longer consumes you, but remains very faintly, just enough, to make you look up at the stars sometimes and smile at the beautifully tragic memory of someone you used to know.

- Excerpt from a book I’ll never write.

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i think…..maybe…..just being alive is in itself a little thrilling and pleasant and romantic and miraculous

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lucidity

i pretend so that i don’t have to realize the rain or even glance at the clouds at all

i think of who i used to be, the shell of a being, leeched by loneliness,

and i see how everything feeds on its opposite— light eating dark, dark eating light;

even sadness swallows happiness to make room for itself

i wonder where the past me is// i wonder where i’ve shelved that version of myself in my mind,

or if i have simply released her, like a dream, into the ether

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catharsis (alternate letters)

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