chimaareyouotayy

[chimaareyouotayy]

Journal #2 9.29.2022

I am not upset about how my girl is acting. I totally understand where is she coming from because I was just like that when I was her age. Lost, confused, indecisive, scared and worried. I had a conversation with her and she just feels lost especially after she graduated college. She felt like nothing was going her way from job to friendship and I totally get where she is coming from. When I graduated college I was so lost, scared and worried if I was going to land a job. Thankfully I was able to get a job and accomplish many things. I want to help her but this is not something I can help her with. This is something she needs to figure it out on her own. I told her I will always be here for her so don’t worry about me for now and just take care of herself. I called that respecting her personal space? 😂 fuck am I talking about hahaha. But I truly respect her space sometime being a relationship can be tough. I don’t blame her for being distant with me cause of this. Imagine waking up every day feeling lost I would feel sad too. I was sad that was me when I was 22 - 23 for the whole year cause I felt lost. What I learn from that time was that key to happiness is to do what you love and keep educating yourself. When I say do what you love I do not mean go out party and be stupid. I’m talking about building a business, becoming a boxer, becoming a fitness person whatever that is that benefits you health and mental is what I found was my key to happiness.

I opened up a business in 2018 and we are still going strong. I’m 2019 I started my masters and graduated this year in 2022. That’s when I knew my purpose in life was to do something and not just this bullshit ass 9-5 job. I always tell this to the people my 9-5 is to pay my rent. My business pays for trips, new shoes, investment into stocks, jewelry and also able to take out my girl out somewhere nice. I knew I was never a person who just settle for 9-5 that can not be me. Once I got the idea to on how to run business, I signed up to become a model for these Japanese companies and start making connections. That was my happiness and I never been this happy in my life. Going back to what I was saying my girl needs to find that in her. She is amazing with painting and I am not sure why she doesn’t pursue it but again that’s her decision so I respect it. To me life is what you make out of it. If you complain every god Damn damn about how you hate life then life is going to hate you back and give you hell. But I pray my girl will find that soon and be happy so we can both we happy together! But again that’s her job to find it not mine.

I had a great conversation with one of my staff and we were talking about alcohol and how I stopped drinking heavy like I used to. I was telling him that my body is my temple why drink alcohol to hurt my body and gain weight and just why do that ? Drinking is fun don’t get me wrong but my thinking now is what am I getting out of this ? Headaches ? Hangover? Bad decisions? Like why out my self thru that for temporary enjoyment. I just never understood that as I get older and older. I am 27 now and honestly I see life so differently. Alcohol i see it as devil’s juice (nothing good happens with alcohol.) drugs I just don’t get it anymore get high and what?? Lol weed is the only exception because with out weed my brand would of not exist. Hoes, that shit got old super quick. Having hoes was “cool” back when we were in HS and College but once you get out of that having hoes ain’t really ain’t that great. I just seen so people around me still fuckin with these hoes but can’t never find the one. I’m just done with this shit you know? That is why I think I’m so like locked in with my girl and support her stuff and shit she be going thru. Real man try to understand the women and try to up lift.

Anyways enough with this gospel shit I just wana say again thank you to my sister cause this place have been a best place for me because I can just spill all the shit and I feel good about it.