chronically-tired-ghost

[chronically-tired-ghost]

forgot to add, i got a salmon bagel with cream cheese and capers for breakfast. i live for those.

Good day today. Last night was good too, all though i can’t say i remember much. to start off, i had school, that sucked. my best friend got me for lunch, and then me friend and her boyfriend picked me up from school. she drives a tesla, which i love. then we picked my best friend up and went to my dads house. we were going to go to a party, but we decided to not go, so i got ready for a party for nothing. i don’t mind though, it’s been a while since ive put on a cute outfit. it was shades of pale blues and purples, with a fish and moon theme of course. we ended up driving around for 3 hours, and at some point in my slightly spaced out state i remember going to a gas station and being given a rose by some dude there because it was national women’s day. they gesture was nice, because i do present very feminine, but i am gender non-conforming. i use they/them pronouns. or whatever pronouns come to mind first honestly. then we got face paint at party city, and went to my friends house to paint our face like clowns. at the gas station, i got a bottle of Smirnoff Sours, some blue flavor, it was revolutionary. i was very drunk without tasting alcohol, with clown face paint on. i then proceeded to smoke, so i ended up blacking out and i do not remember the night. i woke up on the couch, in the morning, and all my friends left. my friend let me take a shower with her, and now we are on the way back from starbucks and i am wearing her clothes. i love her a lot. and her tesla is very cool. we are going to the gym at 5, and then a second hand store. then i get to see my boyfriend. that is that, have a nice day.

[chronically-tired-ghost]

[chronically-tired-ghost]

big fan of taking it easy, and honestly genuinely have no interest whatsoever in the grind

[chronically-tired-ghost]

Good day today. Last night was good too, all though i can’t say i remember much. to start off, i had school, that sucked. my best friend got me for lunch, and then me friend and her boyfriend picked me up from school. she drives a tesla, which i love. then we picked my best friend up and went to my dads house. we were going to go to a party, but we decided to not go, so i got ready for a party for nothing. i don’t mind though, it’s been a while since ive put on a cute outfit. it was shades of pale blues and purples, with a fish and moon theme of course. we ended up driving around for 3 hours, and at some point in my slightly spaced out state i remember going to a gas station and being given a rose by some dude there because it was national women’s day. they gesture was nice, because i do present very feminine, but i am gender non-conforming. i use they/them pronouns. or whatever pronouns come to mind first honestly. then we got face paint at party city, and went to my friends house to paint our face like clowns. at the gas station, i got a bottle of Smirnoff Sours, some blue flavor, it was revolutionary. i was very drunk without tasting alcohol, with clown face paint on. i then proceeded to smoke, so i ended up blacking out and i do not remember the night. i woke up on the couch, in the morning, and all my friends left. my friend let me take a shower with her, and now we are on the way back from starbucks and i am wearing her clothes. i love her a lot. and her tesla is very cool. we are going to the gym at 5, and then a second hand store. then i get to see my boyfriend. that is that, have a nice day.

[chronically-tired-ghost]

anyone want to kill me

[chronically-tired-ghost]

you're sleepy huh. i bet you're sleepy. I bet you're so sleepy right now

[chronically-tired-ghost]

[chronically-tired-ghost]

today i’m happy. yesterday was weird though. my boyfriend picked me up from school, and we got panera. my friend was working the drive through so i got to see her, that was nice. then he got a haircut. his barber fucked him up, and i had to fix it for him. i’ve been cutting and dying hair for 4 years so it was no issue, but it was really funny. then we watched some anime, i forgot the name, but i couldn’t touch him the entire time because i had some weird mental block and i couldn’t fully recognize him from the haircut. but today it’s warm outside, and he’s on his way to his state swim meet. he’s the 6th best in our state for his event, which says a lot because there are over a thousand kids who do his event. my friends picked me up for lunch, and we had so much fun driving around. it’s warm outside so im happy. i’m going to my dads tonight, i hope that’s gonna be fine. i have nothing more to write. bye.

[chronically-tired-ghost]

[chronically-tired-ghost]

having adhd is killer. i’m not saying that in the way that all the frat boys say to their buddies “yoooo dudeeeee that’s totally killerrrrr” i’m saying it in the way that it kills me. having adhd KILLS ME. i sat down to write, and automatically got distracted by seven diffrent things. i should probably write about life’s recent events. so yesterday was boring until i left my therapists office at 3:15. my boyfriend picked me up, he had no swim so he had the time, so we drove around for a while. he let me be on aux, even though he hates my music and all i wanted to listen too was radio head. i called my best friend, and then coincidentally drove past her and a car full of my friends and we all decided to hang out. i got in her car, and my boyfriend followed us to some pizza place because i had to be home earlier then the rest of them. and then his car exploded. right as we walk into the pizza place, some dude runs in and says “hey who drives the blue dodge outside, i just heard a bang, saw some liquid fly up, and then saw ur car smoking.” so obviously we run and check on his car. turns out his coolant thingy exploded. he’s always had a problem with it, so neither of us were too surprised. still, i ended up getting home at 4:30, leaving me to have 30 minutes to get ready for a spontaneous dinner with my dad he planned the day before. he picked me, my mother, and my brother up. which was weird. i was kind of zoned out for the dinner, i always am, i was pretty tired. i wish i wasn’t, i missed hearing my dad say he missed me and my brother a lot. i cried about that later. but it was weird, he was talking to my mom about his health in the car when we got out. she thinks he knows something we don’t, that he might be dying, because he’s never done anything like this. maybe the cancer has made him realize his mortality. i can’t believe it took that for him to realize that, i’ve known i’m going to die since 5th grade. it made me so anxious i tried to do it on my own terms every year after until my sophomore year in high school. very pathetic of me. i don’t really want my dad to die, but he’s already felt pretty dead to me for years so i’m not sure how much of a diffrence it’ll make for me. after he dropped me off, i went upstairs and read part of a book called “optimists die first”, i forgot who it’s by. i think the title is true, but the book reminded me that i hate reading. it’s nice that i’m a pessimist. just means ill live as long as i want. i’ll still probably die on my own terms i hope. then my boyfriend picked me up in his moms car. i like her car, it has seat warmers, and i have a problem with being perpetually cold. i think it’s because i’m secretly a ghost. we went to his house, and watched 500 days of summer. i hated it. it was just bad. i hated it so much. then something really weird happened. my best friend called me to let me know that not just one, not just two, but all four of the people who despise me, no longer do. so now i truly have no enemies. that gives me no satisfaction at all surprisingly, probably because i can’t seem to care about much. nothing has really been worth the time for a while. anyways, i spend the rest of the time i had at my boyfriend’s playing with his cat, who’s a black cat with a very similar personality to me. i think he’s a pessimist too. he doesn’t seem to like to do much except for sleep. just like me. but then my mom made me come home, so i went home, said hi to her, told her about having no more enemies, and then fell asleep. i’m getting picked up by 3 of my friends for lunch today, my best friend, my friend from my friend group, and a mutual friend of all of us. that’s gonna be kinda nice, but i also know ill be too exhausted to make too much conversation. i’ll probably spend the rest of my starbucks gift card today. they are coming out with lavender foam drinks this friday though, so maybe ill save it for those. anyways, im gonna take a nap in class right now. good night.

[chronically-tired-ghost]

[chronically-tired-ghost]

Today i woke up late. that really sucked, cause i typically wake up at 8:00 A.M. and then sit in bed for 15 minutes, but i woke up at 8:30 and had no time to do anything before i had to leave. it’s raining. thank god for that, because the thunder woke me up. it also means the plants are gonna start growing again. excited for that, as long as it doesn’t cause my allergies to kill me. my boyfriends picking me up from therapy today, and that’s nice. he wants to watch 500 days of summer. i’ve never liked the concept of those types of films. it seems like it’s just the manic pixie dream girl stereotype twisted to make the women seem bad, from what ive heard. i don’t like that at all, but then again i also hate stereotypes in general. and most things in general i guess. my friend was supposed to pick me up for lunch today, but i think she forgot. that’s fine, i would forget too, im just hungry. i’m supposed to have dinner with my dad tonight. i’m not sure of two things; A) how he’s able to afford going out to eat with all of his current treatments, and B) why he’s even making an effort to connect with his kids now. or even how he has the energy to make the effort to leave his house at all. i guess dying makes you rethink practically abandoning your kids. I guess my friend did actually forget, because i just asked her again if we were still on for lunch, and she told me she forgot and is just now leaving. at least im getting food. i know there’s a starbucks boycot going on, but i have a gift card from my grandma i plan on spending there because the moneys already gone towards them so it doesn’t matter. i heard a quote from a show last night on tiktok, something along the lines of “it’s like a haunted house, except im the ghost.” and the song Scott Street was in the background. i kinda related to it, but relating to a depressing tiktok audio is gross so no. After school yesterday i biked to see one of my friends. i haven't seen her in six months. we met at a coffee shop, and when i got there she was making conversation with a person with down syndrome. turns out he was siblings with a kid i hate. he was a sweet person, and very funny. we got bubble tea and walked around town. it was 70 degrees, i was in denim cutoffs. we sat on my favorite parking garage, and drew on stickers and talked about life. she just went to a tattoo convention, and got a nice back of the neck tattoo. she just started her apprenticeship. i’m pretty happy for her, i’m excited to get some tattoos from her, and maybe start a piercing apprenticeship at the shop she works at. i have 22 piercings already, all done by me, so it shouldn’t be too hard. i’m really tired right now, and i just got picked up by my friend, so i might take a nap in her car. she’s okay with that, she knows i like to sleep. good night.

[chronically-tired-ghost]

I’m not sure why i made this. somebody told me writing my thoughts down might be healthy. i highly disagree. never enjoyed writing much, or reading. and also who even is gonna read this? it’s going to end up being pathetic as hell, or in some archive that nobody will ever look at, and if they do, they will make fun of it. She said to give a backstory about myself (gross) so here we go. None of you get to know my name, but my life is sad so you get to know about that. one of my closest friends died recently, she had a seizure and crashed her car. EMTs say she died on impact. My dad has stage 4 renal carcinoma. To put it bluntly. he has liver cancer and it’s spread to a lot of his body. he has a 8-15% chance of survival. a part of me hopes he doesn’t, but i don’t know what i would do without him. My parents got divorced in 2021, and he became absent after the fact. I have a boyfriend, but im not always sure if i love him, only because im not sure if im capable of loving anything. I do think he’s really great tho. and thats nice. i have 2 friend groups. ones a bunch of girls i get drunk with every friday, even though i don’t really enjoy being drunk. they are nice i guess, but i dont like people so i often fake being too drunk and then go sleep in one of the many spare rooms. i like to sleep a lot, it might be the last good thing in this world. My other friend group is nice, they are all really unique and funny but they exhaust me so i still often leave the hangouts earlier to go to sleep. i also have a best friend i think. we don’t talk as much as we used too. we didn’t talk for 2 weeks a week ago. i think it’s my fault for not reaching out. i was just really tired for a bit. i still am right now, im about to fall asleep in my math class. Yesterday i did go to the mall with her tho, and i spent all my money on a jacket. i passed by my work, i still haven’t gotten around to quitting. i don’t know if im even considered an employee there anymore, they haven’t scheduled me in two months. thats annoying, i could use the money. Anyways, i am going to go take a nap. this isn’t horrible. i’ll probably write tomorrow.