chubbychikorita

[chubbychikorita]

[chubbychikorita]

stop i NEED that pic of the boy who took his cat to prom and she has a lil dress and is looking up at him with 100% love and tenderness……..

[chubbychikorita]

[chubbychikorita]

A witch is a magic user with more focus on medicine and the body and a wizard is a magic user with more focus on like physics and academia. I don’t know what dingus made up one day that they’re just the 2 magic genders, that sounds stupid

[chubbychikorita]

tigers!!

[chubbychikorita]

Psst, hey, Marilyn Monroe’s image as a freewheeling sexpot was a carefully constructed lie. The real Marilyn Monroe was a roiling tragedy and her life was an indictment of our society as a whole. She was orphaned after her mother had a schizophrenic breakdown, bounced around between foster homes where she was sexually abused, and married a 21-year-old at 16 to get out of being sent to an orphanage. Hugh Hefner published nude photos of her without her consent that were taken when she was 23 and desperate. She suffered severe anxiety and depression, which she coped with by drinking and using barbiturates, and was already a full-blown addict when she became famous in the mid-50s. Her career was one of exploitation, condescension and alienation, and she killed herself at 36. That Hugh Hefner, a man who was at best an unpleasant footnote in her life, felt entitled to be buried next to her is one more humiliation in a pop cultural landscape we should all be ashamed of.

[chubbychikorita]

ways i have tricked people into thinking i am competent:

bought a really nice looking fountain pen

that sounds like a joke but fountain pens are cheap as shit and when you use one people look at you like you’re a fucking wizard

this hero 901 cost me $3 on ebay and i don’t know why people assume that this is a pen for intelligent people but they do

it works better when i am using a nice notebook and not the avengers notebook that makes it look like the hulk is grabbing my sweet pen

i write in code which for some reason leads everyone to assume that i am some kind of da vinci motherfucker, instead of the reality, which is that i am writing about dicks and don’t want anyone to know

it looks like i am constantly taking notes on everything which is both intimidating and inaccurate, just the way i like it

i bought a usb clicker/laser pointer for $11 and now it seems like i’ve got this shit on lock, like i am so pro at giving presentations i even own accessories

holding a clicker makes you seem at least 10% more like you know what you’re talking about i’m pretty sure

i check the weekly freebies on creativemarket every monday so now i have a huge folder of pro-looking website themes and powerpoint templates and fill-in-the-blank resumes (also a lot of autumnal clipart and watercolor flowers and script fonts but that is less relevant)

i bought a ceramic coffee mug at world market years ago and it makes me look like a productive coffee-drinker because no one knows it’s full of hot cocoa

i don’t know why drinking coffee makes you look busy it just does even though i’m pretty sure it statistically reduces productivity

bonus: not only does no one know i’m just drinking Depression Chocolate but they think i am being Environmentally Conscious rather than Poor As Shit

extra bonus: i can take a sip whenever it looks like someone is going to ask a question and then they ask someone else

i almost never have to answer questions and i leave the room a lot because i have to pee constantly so double extra bonus

“That’s a very good question, and one that deserves an in-depth answer, so if you’d like to leave me your card I’d be happy to discuss it with you later one-on-one” aka “how DARE you suggest i waste everyone’s time answering this question right now” aka “lmfao i have no fucking clue what you just said please let me secretly google that okay”

bonus: now it seems like you are a sophisticated grownup who assumes everyone has A Card and if they have to settle for writing their email on a scrap of paper you can feel smug about it even though in your heart you know that you are no better

i’ve got anxiety and poor impulse control and anxiety about my poor impulse control so i generally say jack shit about shit and this constant silence is often misinterpreted as aloof observation

no one knows that my air of mystery is actually a bad case of the shy and i am too shy to correct them so it works out

when i’m on my laptop and i don’t want anyone to notice how much i’m dicking around i turn the brightness way down so they can’t snoop without being obvious

at least one window of notepad++ with some random html page or css stylesheet in it makes randos assume you are some kind of genius doing some genius shit, unless they are CS major randos, in which case i guess find an intimidating looking excel spreadsheet and hope for the best

[chubbychikorita]

Can't wait to disappear into the woods for so long that I forget English and only speak the language of the trees and keep their secrets so that they'll keep mine

[chubbychikorita]

THATS because of THIIIIS => https://esser-z.tumblr.com/post/188731633008/death-note-au-where-lights-plan-to-get-the-death

[chubbychikorita]

this dude came to fix our boiler (it’s been three weeks and we’ve had no hot water or heating in the middle of november)  and when he found out how much we had to pay for it to be fixed, he called the company, cussed them out and quit. He’s a fucking legend. 

Thank fucking god for plumbers who are willing to go behind their corporate bosses’ backs and be like “yeah don’t pay the 150 dollar emergency fee just gimme 40 bucks under the table, also, don’t buy a water heater from us, my boss will charge u like 800 bucks. go to Lowe’s and ask for a Scratch n’ Dent, they’ll give you for like 200 bucks. Call me tomorrow and I can install it for you in like an hour” wow… solidarity

[chubbychikorita]

reblog if you hate nazis and don’t think they should speak on college campuses

[chubbychikorita]

I was tagged by the lovely @ocean-moonlight to do this! I was super nervous while doing this but… I wanted to do this since you tagged me

This is the SNK voice meme (4.0 by @momtaku) I absolutely hate the way I sound because it doesn’t match how I feel, so I was incredibly nervous while recording this. I hope it came out alright because… Well. I haven’t recorded audio or done a VC in over three years. Also, excuse all the noise in the background since I have a cat, lol

QUESTIONS: • State your name and username. • Is there a story behind your user name that you’d like to share? • Where are you from? • How long have you been a fan of the series? • What is your favorite and least favorite Arc? • Do you have a favorite moment in the story thus far? • If you could resurrect one dead character who would it be and why? • Who is your favorite character and why? • Any OTPs? • You are able to transport to the SnK Universe for a day. How do you spend it? • Eren Jaeger did nothing wrong or Eren Jaeger did everything wrong? • What is your favorite song in the series? Feel free to sing an extract.

▪︎BONUS: What would Erwin do? SAY THE FOLLOWING: Wall Maria, Jean Kirschstein, Reiner Braun, Ymir,  Theo Magath, Onyankopon, Kiyomi Azumabito, Hajime Isayama, Shiganshina Trio, Shingeki no Kyojin, Shinzou wo Sasageyo.

I don’t think I want to tag anybody since I’m still kinda shaking from doing the recording. Anybody who wants to do it is welcome! I hope it didn’t come out too bad… I didn’t listen to the recording when I finished it so…

[chubbychikorita]

How swell is it that everything people look for as signs of lying or a guilty conscience are mannerisms neurodivergence or just trauma will give you

[chubbychikorita]

my cat goes by many names

[chubbychikorita]

Summer body wishlist: - six wings - a million eyes - constantly on fire - ability to scream forever

[chubbychikorita]

the year is 1347. my husband just died from “the plague” and i’m moving in with my female “companion” in a secluded mansion in the european country. we have no kids and two dogs and we seem unusually close. i call her my wife but historians call her my best friend. little does everyone know, she’s both.

[chubbychikorita]

I’m a

and I