churchworker
Church Worker
Thoughts and Experiences of a Leftist Christian
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Faith Kompromised
Faiths have been compromised in the United States under the Trump Administration due to bigotry, hate, and rampant untruth. The most obvious & embarrassing - Evangelical Christianity.
Note: I posted this as a response to an article about a “quiet movement among Evangelicals to maintain a Senate/House majority” - link posted at the end.
James Dobson & Focus on the Family are very popular in the Evangelical community - but outside of that, a lot of folks know him as another Pat Robertson/Jerry Falwell type of big money televangelist. It's a very unpopular media outlet. What we can do is to continue to point out the tribal/disingenuous nature of their message. If you are a person of faith, it doesn't take much more than 2+2 to notice that the teachings of Jesus & what evangelists support in the Trump administration do not align. They have all kinds of mind boggling psychological gymnastics set up like, "we're voting for the platform, not the person..", yet the Evangelical Right continues to give a pass on sexual misconduct, malfeasance, corruption, inequality, & the dehumanization of brown & black people via bigotry & locking them up in cages. Those things and any faith do not align from a values perspective or even politically.
What we are doing right now as the Resistance is important, and while the opposition continues to offer their oppositional rhetoric - our message is stronger, it is slowly erasing untruths from the right, and we are seeing a shift.
Truth be known, I work in Christian media. I'm a media designer for a media company & its 4 radio stations. My co-workers are mostly conservative Christians. Before that, I worked for the Church for 15 years, both sides of the political spectrum, & it's a shame I have to even make that distinction - yet very necessary. We will always see bluster & values-flexing from the right, but from the left - we see a very quiet, cautious faith who are in the community, feeding the homeless, & inviting those who are marginalized & discriminated against. The most liberal church I worked for lost their church building, bc they reinvested their money in caring for the community & missions abroad. They are not about big money.
Faith is an area where Democrats need to regain outward confidence. It's tough, bc of hypocrisy and rampant, but persuasive untruth from the right. May we live our best attributes outwardly, regardless of our faith. That will speak volumes & reset the example of how folks treat one another.
Most importantly - we can never lose sight of this goal in the future. We now know what happens when we look the other way for a split second. Our work is cut out for us - but we know one another's hearts here, and we can do this. #VoteBlue
Link to original article.
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A President’s Politicized Faith
They have indeed hijacked Christianity.
It's nothing new - it was just easier to ignore, & that's part of where our responsibility resides with Trump being in office. All of the Evangelical Christians, Moral Majority, & Westboro Baptist-esque folks out there have been busy creating a monster under the radar. We ignored it, because we thought ignoring it would work. We had the comfort of the separation of church & state, and free speech - but those are currently being hijacked as well, which means the days of ignoring absurdity are pretty much over. We need to figure out ways of being intentional towards combating it - because it's rampant untruth that is drawing gullible folks in like a magnet.
There is truth in faith, and regardless of where how/where worship is directed, we can find core values like.. Love, Compassion, Giving, Self-Control, Helping those stricken down by poverty... It's easy to see that there is a glaring mismatch between these core values and what Evangelical Christians are doing. They rewrite little biblical phrases to suit their agenda, and pat themselves on the back. Mother Theresa is rolling over in her grave.
What can we do - we have to bear down into those outwardly expressed values that we hold dear. As St. Francis of Assisi said - "...if necessary, use words." When all is said & done - it won't be the Trump Christian cleaning up the mess.
The upside here is that while the "dawn of Evangelical Nationalism" sounds intimidating, it speaks more towards Trump’s base, who are in the Bible Belt or in deep red districts - in other words, the loud & proud minority who received an abundance of assistance from the ever-talented Russian hackers & bots.
We have to keep fighting. We have to rewrite the narrative. I don't know if we have to be louder or more obvious. Either way - we have to keep fighting.
God be with us, God heal us & strengthen us – and give us Peace.
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Thoughts On A Presidents Day.
We’ve been through a lot since November 9. We’ve been through a lot since January 20. We’ve encountered legislation, executive orders, and political uprising that many never considered before the 2016 Election. I can’t imagine how non-political folks are feeling - especially those who avoid politics to stay out of the crossfire.
I used to be the guy who avoided politics. I thought that focusing on my faith, prayer, & worship with my community of Christians would create a safe space & belief system to help me survive day-to-day, just dealing with my inner chaos. Sadly, I realized my wife and I would have to take that journey outside of the Church, realizing that the church was adapting to hard line conservatism, rather than honing in on the message of grace & love.
It’s clear to see that in and out of the church, conservatism is lacking any tangible expression of grace & love. Yes, the anti-abortion crusade is supposed to be an outpouring of fiercely expressed love… but in the context of Christianity, people have taken this issue out of God’s hands, and created hordes of self-appointed control freaks & fear mongers.
If these Christians truly put their trust in God, they’d understand that free will is a part of a faithful reality that not even the rightest of the Right-wing can control- try as they may.
Again, Free Will is determined by God. Not even the most weaponized right-wing Christian zealot can change that. Notice how every zealot who’s tried to change the author of Free Will in our past has been stopped? That being said, it should be clear by now that whether a person be stopped or if, God forbid, the world ends, human assertion over Free Will is destined to be stopped.
Did you know that Donald Trump has actually proposed working with mega-churches to become Trump Super-PACs? Yes, scary.
I’m resisting. I’m connected with a local Indivisible group, and I design anti-Trump/anti-GOP banners on my Twitter feed. I’m doing my part to be a part of the conversation. I speak intentionally about my values, and I’m adamant about seeking solutions & progress to reversing the mess that is so aptly progressing, thanks to Donald Trump & the establishment GOP.
One question that keeps coming back to me: Why didn’t President Obama do more to proactively stop Trump?
For a while, I was infuriated. I saw Obama’s low profile in the last days of his term as his checking out. I wondered if he was cornered due to the GOP obstructionism in Congress. I wondered if maybe his power with Executive Orders had a limit. I heard things like… he didn’t want to create the impression of the White House assisting in Hillary Clinton’s campaign (?) The hindsight on that line of thinking must be a significant source of regret.
So many serious issues were coming up… Russian interference in the election, Trump’s conflicts of interest, etc. There was very little response from Obama to those issues.
“I told Putin to cut it out…” among these lengthy, diplomatic, broken answers at Obama’s final press conferences were a disappointment. I was deflated, and I sank into the reality that he would not be the savior from a Trump presidency.
I was impressed with all he was doing to address pardons & commutations, Planned Parenthood, environmental issues, and human rights in the last days of his term. I am grateful for those things, but I was deflated.
Since Obama left office, I’ve started to grow a possible understanding towards his last months as President.
As I’ve become a more informed constituent – I’ve started to realize the physical & psychological damage potential of the far-right conservative movement - and the role that establishment GOP’s are playing in that. I’m starting to realize that America is now a country where just under half of the citizens have passively and/or proactively exercised support of racist & religious bigotry, sexism & misogyny, and Fascism.
As I research more deeply into those things – I am easily overwhelmed by what is a new & unavoidable reality. Sure there is potential to re-establish a political majority for the left and experience a sigh of relief for 4-8 more years from having a majority of folks who resemble your values, but what do we do with the reality that 50% of a nation ranges from being an obligatory tribal voter to being completely psyched up about Trump’s vision for America?
That is a horse pill to swallow.
You can’t deactivate millions of people who are fired up about Trump’s vision. In fact, there are huge conventions & rallies being planned to get even more people fired up – and more hardline Right-wing folks voted into office.
I wonder how many Democrats have witnessed the slow decent of conservative America, and wondered if allowing folks to actually experience a Trump America is the antidote. Let them have it. Let them make their bed. Let them live in a sick environment. Let them exist in a work environment where sexual harassment is celebrated. Let them go to church where they can worship Jesus & Donald Trump in the same building. Let them put society in boxes. Let the hate groups flourish and mobilize.
All the while the reality sets in… there will be no jobs or prosperity for them. Foreclosures and short sales on homes start to increase again. There are no able bodies doing the jobs that immigrants have been doing for several decades, because they’ve all been deported. They have to decide what medical conditions are severe enough to have to go to the doctor, because you have to plan for a $25,000 emergency room visit. You have to plan for a $300- $500 prescription.
Meanwhile, the Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell, Paul Ryan & friends’ bank accounts are getting fatter (they’re already million/billionaires), and the American people foot the bill for their medical insurance, vacations, and employment.
There will be some “reality overlap”, meaning the Trumpers won’t realize they’ve been completely dicked over while still suffering the effects of having been gaslit.
Unimaginable damage has already been done. Apparently there’s more to come. Maybe the real solution is to just let it happen. Rebuild in the background, and when reality kicks in, Humanitarians & Samaritans rise up to clean up the mess.
What’s my point? I’m wondering if President Obama’s brokenness & inattentiveness at the end of his term was less about his legacy being torn down and more about seeing the inevitable.
Donald Trump clearly isn’t the answer, because it’s obvious that he’s in the game for financial gain. He doesn’t care about unemployment, or immigration, or health care, or anything he’s built a platform on. Everything connects to financial gain.
He hired the worst people to run our institutions. Why? Trump wants to dismantle them, & free up finances to siphon into wealthy bank accounts.
This is the most amazing, large-scale bank robbery in the history of the world. The aftermath will be devastating – and in the end, if we haven’t moved to Canada, we’ll be there to pick up the pieces.
This can only go on for so long right? The news outlets tout, “Never in American history…”, and I agree. A president can lie to the American people, but it’s only effective until they realize it, and they have. For a while now.
If they keep Trump in power, it’s on all of us. Yes - it will partially be on Russia, but we will bear most of that burden. Those of us who voted, those of us who were apathetic, those of us who doubted Hillary Clinton’s credibility, and those of us who bought into the hateful rhetoric and Trump’s empty promises – it will be all of our responsibility as Americans.
I’m a Progressive Democrat – and feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. It’s hard to see past today. When you look back 6 months and struggle to remember something resembling stability, it’s hard to see past today.
A final thought for President’s Day…
Despite my pondering his last days in office, I believe it will become increasingly obvious as time goes on that President Barack Obama did the absolute best with the resources at his disposal, having faced a brick wall of opposition. Obama will undoubtedly be regarded as one of America’s great presidents. He’s a Washington, a Lincoln, a JFK. He is one of those who embodies & personifies the best of America’s identity.
God be with us, God heal us & strengthen us – and give us Peace.
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A Letter To Senator Mark Warner (D)
Today, I wrote Senator Mark Warner (D)
Senator Warner:
I was listening to a podcast on my drive home today, Pod Save America, featuring a couple of President Obama's former staffers. They have an amazing grip on what's going on, and a quote came up that I feel is relevant to your decision to vote for Rex Tillerson for Secretary of State:
"If you're a Democrat who votes for Republicans, you're not a Democrat."
I completely agree.
As your constituent, I can't stress enough that if there ever were a time to reach across the aisle, it has to be beyond obvious that now is not that time.
I can't imagine what it's like to be in your shoes, or to predict your mindset. What is it like to be someone who can shrug off the protests of millions? Those people are your constituents - they are showing up in hopes of your ability to represent them.
This isn't business as usual. This isn't a Bush administration that we can shrug off and say "oh well, maybe next time."
The words "Constitutional Crisis" have been uttered cautiously & preemptively on the news - please understand that your vote for Tillerson nudges the United States of America closer to that reality.
Thank you for your time.
Everyday since Nov 9 & January 20 has been a ideological & emotional roller coaster. I am a resistor. I’m resisting, staying informed, calling my representatives, connecting with an Indivisible group... yet every time I watch the news, I am literally crushed inside from disappointment from our Democratic leaders. One after another, they keep voting for Donald Trump’s cabinet picks.
Why are Democrats voting for Republicans? It’s a stupid question, but I have to ask it. I know one of Hillary Clinton’s ideals was her ability to reach across the aisle. This is very clearly not an appropriate time to do that.
If the voters are able to see that, why are Democratic leaders blind to it?
I’m sorry if I sound stupid or politically ignorant... but when I experience disappointment & a disheartening, I tend to go back to the basics & question my level of wisdom. These folks are of an older generation - they should exemplify a greater wisdom. Right? Except GOP.
It goes without saying that older generation Republicans are playing every legislation, decision, & executive order to the highest tune of corruption.
What’s their excuse? Mitch McConnell is a great strategist - he’s single-handedly taken over the government with obstructionism. Does that speak to wisdom though? I think it speaks to power hunger & greed. Personally, I think Mitch McConnell and his band of merry idiots will benefit financially from the various monies being siphoned from hither and yon. That is only my speculation though. Kudos for me if I am right ;)
I’m blown away by Democratic leaders like Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, who faithfully voted NO to all of Donald Trump’s cabinet picks. She deserves gratitude from every Democrat, and her lead should be an example. That goes for Maxine Waters & Barbara Lee too. I admire Elizabeth Warren, her passion & strength are coming back to the forefront, but after voting Ben Carson though? God help us.
And the millions who have shown up to protest, resist, & stand up for democracy, equality, and the Constitution... it almost seems like Democratic leaders are shrugging it off, except for a key few, for which I’m grateful.
It’s obvious our lawmakers need to be more like those protesters. A lot of Dem Congress members are saying great things, but their outward approach is of exhaustion & stagnation. We need the lawmakers to be like Elizabeth Warren, Tim Kaine, Kirsten Gillibrand, Maxine Waters, & Barbara Lee. These people are risk takers - they are aggressive, and their words & actions need to be a standard in going forward.
I’m reluctant to say it, but the democrats need to strategize - they literally need to scare & overwhelm the GOP in the same way the GOP has been freaking out American citizens. The obvious solutions are unavailable, but among the best of our Democratic leaders are lawyers who know lawyers who know lawyers who know lawyers.
With those resources, they could literally grind everything to a halt; and so they should. They’d even do it for free - anyone see those lawyers showing up at airports to help detained Muslims the other day? No charge.
I’m tired of hearing Democratic leaders express fear of “undermining democracy” Come on, the most highly decorated member of the military being demoted to make way for a white supremacist?
Democracy being undermined is in your face.
For all of the aggression & political destruction that’s being committed by the GOP, the Democrats need to literally match & exceed that aggression. It’s time for Dems to go all in, because it’s now or never. If they don’t passionately, aggressively & strategically approach to their leadership as they regroup the Democratic Party, it’s possible we could witness the end of democracy in America.
God be with us, God heal us & strengthen us – and give us Peace.
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Unite Inward | Fight Outward
We have a fight ahead of us. That fight is not Democrats fighting with Democrats.
No, it is not our obligation to unite and come together with the GOP on their victory lap.
It’s not our obligation to unite with folks who for an entire election cycle told us that we’re acting like toddlers who just got their candy taken away, or that we’re the product of having gotten awards for participation.
It’s not our obligation to unite with people who reduce our genuine & palpable despair for an uncertain future to being crybabies & sore losers.
We understand that these folks have been egregiously lied to, and they are emotionally pumped from having received the words of instant gratification. They will realize that Trump’s empty words & promises were solely spoken to garner their vote. His “Thank You” tour was undoubtedly timed to reinforce those words and to discourage folks from feeling inclined to ask their electors to flip or vote for another Republican.
The psychological fallout from the GOP’s campaign is yet to be unpacked. It’s a cloud looming ahead as we recognize that most Trump voters are operating on untruth and existing in an alternate reality. This is what creates the uncharted waters our country is about to journey into.
Even equipped with the certainty of these things – we are not obligated to unite.
It must sound pretty bad… a Christian encouraging people not to unite.
Let me be clear – During the campaign, the GOP/Trump voters were pretty vicious & abusive with the Left and anyone who didn’t agree with them. The call to unite is the ushering-in of the final steps completing an abuse cycle – the “Reconciliation” & “Calm” phase.
“Hey Dems…I know the election was awful, but you brought it on yourselves by acting like a 2 year old crybaby who got their candy taken away. Let’s come together now and forget all that has happened.”
That happened. It happened to the Left. It happened to us. It continues to happen. It’s a cycle that’s maintained by Trump & his supporters. To unite under those circumstances would be effectively re-entering the cycle of abuse.
So f*ck no, it is not our obligation to unite and come together with the GOP on their victory lap, or as long as ignorance prevails while fueling an autocratic regime with their support.
I heard/read this in several interviews over the last week...
The outward perception of Democrats is that we “have no fire...”, and “we're asleep at the wheel.”
We need to change that perception sooner than later. We have a fight ahead. What does that look like?
Dems put up a great Twitter storm, myself included, and there are massive protests continuing around the country. Yet, they were reduced by the president-elect as being filled with paid actors. It doesn’t matter if it’s untrue. He said it, those who think Trump is God won’t veer from the idea that Dems hired professional protesters. Millions of them.
Since the protests began, Trump’s tweets have gained undeserving momentum as the media legitimizes them. Sometimes they admit the humor behind the absurdity. Sometimes they spin the tweets as a horrifying component under an unstable Trump presidency.
It’s important to point out - all of Trump’s tweets have a place in the Cycle of Abuse - and his supporters eat it up. Nom nom nom!!!
Back to our fight...
Everyone on the Left needs to guard themselves against the impulse to blame one another and start ideological fights. There’s iron sharpening iron, and then there’s straight-up divisiveness. We’ve learned from the GOP that’s an example we can’t follow.
We can’t blame Progressives. We can’t tell other Leftist candidates to go eff themselves. We can’t tell people who passed up the opportunity to vote that they are responsible for the predicament our country is in. When we guilt people who are already apathetic, they gravitate toward illusions of greener pastures and shinier words of instant gratification.
The Left needs to unite inwardly. We need to offer friendship, comradery, honesty, and substance. Honestly, I believe those 4 things are the cornerstones of filling the gaps between depression, outrage, apathy, & grief.
We need to build relationships & unite. We need leaders who are strong, competent, motivated, and inspiring. We need to know what we are fighting for in its entirety, and openly accept and implement marching orders.
We need to fight outwardly - we need a message that is strong, indisputable, and circumvents the mental gymnastics that thrusted the GOP into an alternate reality. It’s not just about Red vs. Blue – it’s literally about Reality vs. Alternate Reality.
Who can get us there? Barack & Michelle Obama? Bill & Hillary Clinton? Elizabeth Warren? Bernie? Nancy Pelosi? Cory Booker? Tom Ryan? Keith Ellison? A revolutionary we haven’t heard of yet?
What does making this change look like on a state or municipal level?
We have to start by committing. It’s a tough word – but many hands make for productive, effective efforts. Being in DC, I expect to find some opportunities very soon – especially since we voted blue!
I’ve actually been considering going back to church at a liberal church that nurtures a diverse congregation. I want to be a part of finding God among social justice, human rights, & equal rights. God loves those things.
Bottom line, we need to unite on the Left. We need to build relationships, and support one another. We need to intentionally seek places where our gifts & talents can be used effectively, and maybe even step out of our comfort zone. Fights aren’t about our comfort zone, it’s going to hurt sometimes, as we’ve learned several times in the last month.
Keep an eye on my Twitter: @blogchurchwork. I will be posting information about organizations we can connect with to start rebuilding. I will start by including a crowd sourced document that’s been circulating over the last week, called “Indivisible: A Practical Guide For Resisting the Trump Agenda”. Download it. Read it – it’s a tough one, but one where we need to find our identity as we rebuild.
We need to unite, build relationships, & change hearts. We need to rise up from these ashes. We need to pray for Hillary➡️. God be with us, God heal us & strengthen us – and give us Peace.
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Trying to Find Stability & Hope
I’m trying to find stability, but I can’t.
For about 2 months now, I have been riding a wave of news/election related anxiety & depression. I’m in survival mode.
Not to gross anyone out, but when I’m in survival mode, I’ll wear the same clothes for like 3-4 days, until I can’t stand it. I eat about once per day. And I listen to the news and camp out on Twitter 16-17 hours per day. I drink a lot of coffee. I used to work out like 4-5 times per week, but I’m getting about 1-2 days now. Rest assured, that is when I shower.
I’m not entirely sure how it all works anymore. All of the history, civics, & U.S. Government classes I took in school & college seem to be a little more moot everyday.
I’ve tried to rationalize in my own mind, through writing about what I know about what’s going on, and trying to find something hopeful to grab onto, but there’s nothing. The news is mostly exaggerated partial news. Sensationalism is in full-swing to keep ratings up. Yet, everything they report on “isn’t clear, but…”
I think a lot of people are trying to find hope. It’s like trying to grab onto a jello mold. On second thought, “grab” is probably on the do-not-verb list at the moment...
I think the truth is that I need to find stability in truth, which is tough, because the truth isn’t hopeful.
The truth is, our country is on the precipice of a really bad decline. We are in an amazing place, and we’re about to destroy it. The economy is good, unemployment is down, our culture is starting to evolve with growing pains… and it’s about to disappear.
The truth is, 2/3 of our country believes that we’re in a good place, and 1/3 believes that we aren’t. Those who believe we aren’t REALLY believe we aren’t. These are people who feel ignored, like things are going too fast in our culture, and they are clinging to the hope of the president they voted for.
The truth is, the president the GOP voted for played dirty, by creating the illusion that the opposition was corrupt. They used racism as a tool to garner votes, & they sold lies from the stump. The list is long.
The truth is, there is a bipartisan investigation into U.S. Intelligence that Russia influenced the election on several levels to help Donald Trump (DJT) get elected. I tried not to use his name… but sooner or later, you wind up using his name.
Because of the laundry list of DJT’s pre-inaugural corruption, abysmal cabinet picks, broken promises, and in likelihood, illegal activities, many have sought ways to find an exit plan for DJT. I fully support any-and-all of them.
Not to state the obvious, but I don’t want DJT to be our president.
Different networks in the news media have taken it upon themselves to bring normalcy to a really not-normal situation. They speak of DJT, his transition, his picks and rejections as if it’s just a normal presidency gearing up. Laughing & jokes… minimalizing DJT’s sociopathic tweets. They think they’re helping, but they aren’t. America has become more aware & alert. A lot more people have a BS meter.
I don’t want to succumb to BS, I don’t want to force myself to believe falsely comforting things. Instead, I turn to Twitter.. credible news sources and reporting, and try to gain a sense of my feet being on the ground in the bad news they have to report.
My credible sources of choice are Maddow, All In, The Last Word, & AM Joy on MSNBC. They are no-BS, and they are candid about things that are on a steady decline. I love how Maddow smiles in the midst of giving the worst news, but it’s usually because she’s flabbergasted. “Woo-hoo!!!”, she says with the toss of a pen, as ridiculous reaches new lows.
It helps me feel better. Getting closer to the truth brings a calm.
What do I envision? I’ll tell you since I’m just a blog writer explaining personal experiences & opinions.
I’d still like to see the electors vote in Hillary Clinton. Last week, I wrote to the electors, and most of them sent back automated replies – however a few sent actual replies, which I really appreciated. However, every single one said that they would never vote for Hillary Clinton. In the spirit of unity, I would support their voting in a moderate Republican.
At this point, I’m thinking the priority is to just get DJT out of there.
I’d like to see the government take swift action with investigating Russia’s interference and contamination of the 2016 Presidential Election. It’s obvious that DJT has ties to Russia – he’s stoking the fire for economic relations with Russia with some of his cabinet picks. I would like said investigation to conclude with the knowledge that Russia elected DJT, causing a revote, or the unpopular choice of going with her historical popular vote, and installing Hillary Clinton.
If DJT makes it to inauguration, I would hope that the GOP would act on DJT’s laundry list of corruption & racketeering and invoke the Articles of Impeachment. Immediately. The GOP wanted power, they’d have it without DJT.
I’d like to see DJT resign. One of the most disconcerting elements of witnessing the transition is seeing someone who won the election not really giving a shit about it. He doesn’t seem to want the job. Get out of the way, DJT. Under the regrettable Pence, it would still resemble a Reagan or Bush type of administration.
It’s awful, to think back and feel slightly nostalgic for a Reagan or Bush White House, remembering that even though some of the decisions they made were devastating, they were devastating-with-restraint. I sit here thinking, “...could I make it through that again...?” :/
I say that knowing that DJT advertises himself as someone who lacks restraint, and wants to be the anti-Obama & anti-establishment... knowing that it was a campaigning point that a DJT with nuclear codes was a horrifying prospect.
Having a history of working for the Church, I learned that people, especially guys, who are in their 70’s do not change. I say that knowing that DJT is going to carry on as he always has.
The truth is, if he makes it to inauguration, if he doesn’t get impeached, he is going to be America’s narcissistic boss. America’s CEO.
“Donald J. Trump | CEO | Incorporated States of America, LLC”
I was reflecting on the campaign, & I had some thoughts -
You can’t fuel reality on lies. No matter what they say, you can’t.
As we move forward, we need to figure out what having the substance plus having some game looks like. Would Elizabeth Warren get up in front of hundreds of thousands of people and give her powerful speeches on the road to a presidency? Would Michelle Obama or Nancy Pelosi? Would Cory Booker, Elijah Cummings, or Tim Ryan step up? Who is out there that has passion for equality, humanity, the environment, & social justice?
Those are things to pray for... We need to rise up from these ashes. God be with us, God heal us & strengthen us – and give us Peace.
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Dear Elector.
Yesterday, I decided to write the Electors.
Dear Elector, Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know there are a lot of emails coming your way.
Keep reading
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Dear Elector.
Yesterday, I decided to write the Electors.
Dear Elector, Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know there are a lot of emails coming your way.
While I'm fortunate to be from a blue state, my wife and I were shocked at the results of Election 2016. The pre-polls were wrong, news of interference/hacking from the Russians/Putin came into play, and then reports of votes being padded and/or double counted in key states. These reports are alarming.
This isn't a normal election where if the Republican wins, one can sort of resign oneself to a Bush/Reagan administration. Donald Trump is different - he hasn't even served on a town council, or run for Mayor of a town, city, or municipality. He hasn't even served on a church committee.
Donald Trump's "scorched-earth" campaign & win have energized the Alt-Right hate organization, and the KKK - resulting in an increase hate crimes, & bullying in schools. Regardless of his disavowing of those groups, they have found a leader in Donald Trump. They have given themselves permission to mobilize, because they have assigned him that label.
On a more political front, reports of Donald Trump not participating in intel briefings, not answering calls from the Pentagon, State Dept, & rejecting a press core is indicative of someone who doesn't want the job. Maybe it sends the message that he has better things to do?
To quote President Obama,
"You want to know what someone's going to do, look at what they've been doing their whole lives."
He was speaking into Trump's attempt to relate to blue-collar workers, when he hasn't experienced those struggles in his lifetime. Basically, he wouldn't know how to identify with or solve those problems. His recent deal with Carrier still resulted in most jobs going to Mexico, and a taxpayer funded tax break for Carrier. I'm guessing what they send in from Mexico will also have a 35% tariff attached?
It's also concerning that everyone he's considered/hired for his staff/cabinet so far are either racist, sexist, have anger management problems, are on legal probation, have been banned, or they have lost a Presidential election. In the NYT, Trump indicated that he wanted a diverse, less politically correct group to stir things up. Though, I'm worried how those attributes might play out from the most powerful office in the world.
More recently, he's broken important protocol for communicating with leaders abroad. The mainstream news has conveyed that these actions could potentially ignite heated relations, or even war.
Many have described his leadership style as "authoritarian" or "autocratic". Those ideologies don’t align with America. On a CNN interview, an author described how Trump was hitting all of the bullet points of the “Nazi playbook.” The public reaction was one of concern, and/or of utter denial.
All of this, to say, has taken place before he's even been sworn in.
America is a country, but it's also a movement. America is a living, breathing organism. Because of those things, the need for change is always a necessity. However, I believe, and the results of the popular vote directly indicate that Donald Trump is not the voice or embodiment of that change.
The Electoral College is in place to protect America from a leader like Trump, a demagogue or someone who is temperamentally unfit to be President. President Obama cited that directly while speaking on the campaign trail for Hillary Clinton.
On a personal note, the last time I feared for our country to this degree was during the Cold War, in Reagan’s first term, when there was a notable threat of nuclear holocaust.
Today, as an American citizen, I humbly ask that you do not elect Donald Trump.
Thank you for your time and consideration, I appreciate and respect the role you serve in our electoral process.
Thousands of letters have been sent to the electors who make up the Electoral College, via the Ask The Electors tool, and by other means. There are reports that the electors are saying that they “feel harassed.”
After sending my letter, I got about 30 kickback emails instantaneously due to overloaded inboxes & crashed servers. That’s what freedom looks like.
I got an auto-reply from several electors with, “We are not a democracy, we are a republic, for good cause...” in their responses. It’s ok to believe that, this is America, but should an elector be against the purpose of the Electoral College?
Dear Electors, You are public servants. When shit hits the fan, your constituents are going to contact you. You have one job - to utilize your vote to protect America from a demagogue, or a person who is temperamentally and/or psychologically unfit to assume the office of President of the United States of America. That time has come, & your responsibility is clear. #DOYOURJOB
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Symptoms of A Deeper Divide
I care about who you vote for, but I care more about how you are towards others.
There were things I didn’t notice at the time. After experiencing the devastation of the 2016 Presidential Election, I looked back – remembering odd, sometimes shocking conversations I had with friends and family. Most of the conversations had one thing in common - the loving, kind Christian turns on a dime, often giving way to anger, victimization, & resentment when talking about right-wing political issues.
It’s disturbing, and what’s more alarming is that it’s a learned mindset that’s contagious among the right-wing Evangelical Christian community.
Since leaving my career as a worship leader 3 years ago, I’ve been a marketer for a non-profit Christian organization that leans right/evangelical. My co-workers are middle class high-information church-goers and low-information voters.
What do I have in common with my co-workers? I am a middle-class Christian who has a low income, but I’m a Democrat. However, up until a month ago, I was also a low-information voter.
A few things I noticed among my co-workers early on - when negative news headlines came up… rising gas prices, marriage equality, ISIS, Benghazi, low gas prices, or something like not getting a tax return, these conservative folks blame it on “Barack Hussein Obama”. They angrily regurgitate what they know to be true about our President, who they believe to be a “False Birth Certificate-carrying Muslim” who was “not born in the United States of America.”
It can get a little uncomfortable at work sometimes. They don’t know that I’m a Democrat.
Since we’re a non-profit, we do fundraising twice per year. This past April, I joined some co-workers for dinner after the last day of a week of fundraising. These are people I consider to be friends, some like family. We were sharing some awesome stories we heard from volunteers over the week. We shared some prayer needs, and acknowledged that we’d seen God’s work in prayers that had been answered. These are times I value as a believer in Christ – this was one of those times.
There was a lull in the conversation. One of the guys I work with decided to bring up the upcoming presidential election.
At this point there were still a few candidates being whittled down for both sides, most notably, Hillary Clinton & Donald Trump.
The basic gist of my co-workers’ conversation was, “Hillary Clinton is a criminal, and she needs to go to jail.”
Being mostly ignorant of what was going on in the news at the time, I asked, “Are you serious? What did she do?”
Wrong question apparently – my ignorance stirred up an angry reaction.
They said Clinton knowingly put America’s security at risk, leaving us open to terrorist attack – she deserved to be thrown in jail or executed. I was taken aback by my friends’ anger - over accusations and self-drawn conclusions. One minute we were talking about peoples’ stories & blessings, then suddenly, “Lock that woman up!” Christ had left the building.
The anger and hostile words made me anxious. It was a sudden shift in mindset – an anger-fueled, conservative rhetoric. They weren’t looking at Hillary from a Christ-like perspective, nor were they considering that as a Christian she may have needed the compassion they’d earlier assigned to folks who they perceived as more deserving.
I was curious to look further into the FBI/Clinton probe. I couldn’t connect the dots on how this story had inflated itself to the point where hostility & anger would be justified. She had a private email server, and they were searching the contents for classified material.
Even now, as the election has passed, even though she was cleared of any wrong-doing, and even though she lost the election, many of these folks are still calling for her to be punished. The idea of what justice & compassion somehow don’t apply here.
It felt like an alternate reality. It still does.
I’m noticing a deeper divide in Christianity. Seemingly, Evangelicals are putting politics in front of God. The Bible calls it idolatry. The evangelicals call it God being on their side. I remember when I began my relationship with Christ, it didn’t have instructions on who to hate attached – only to love like Christ would.
My father-in-law was an evangelical. He passed away this year, and it has been a painful time of grieving for my wife and I. Over the last year, some of our last conversations ventured into the quietly hostile, conservative rhetoric - about Obama, about security threats to our nation, needing to limit the personal information I put on social media, and readying up for a grim future... but I just let it go. I chalked it up to generational differences, because that’s what families do. We smile, say “ok”, and move on.
I wish those things hadn’t contaminated the last conversations I had with my father-in-law. He was an amazing minister to the people, he was loved, and he led people to know Christ. I wanted to know him better, but a lot of other people got to, and I’m grateful for that.
It seems like these conversations are primed, like folks are waiting for the perfect opportunity to educate with bitter-fueled, compassion-less rants. It worries me how effortlessly it’s molded together with Jesus Christ. Some call it righteous indignation, but I think what I’ve witnessed is actually a few steps further.
People buy into it, and it becomes a mindset and a lifestyle.
Despite what critics and haters might say – when people of faith wish ill on others for whatever reason, they have stepped outside of their belief in Christ. I’m not ashamed to say it. It is hate, and hate is not of God. I don’t believe that God’s love resembles hate.
During the Presidential Campaign, hate rhetoric & angry words were key components of Donald Trump’s “scorched earth” sales pitch to hopeless, hungry constituents. As he traveled to different areas, he won the buy-in of the Conservative Evangelical Christian demographic, clumsily addressing interests of Pro-Life movement & Evangelical Christians . With the help of his running mate, God was a guest star in his convoluted message.
Is Donald Trump a Christian? I don’t know. You learn a lot about a person from their words & actions. I believe he believes mostly in himself. I believe that God is part of the sale’s pitch he used to close his biggest client ever.
Sadly, Donald Trump demonstrated a pattern of misogynistic hate for women and an overall shallowness as a person, but delivered it with charisma. He got people angry & excited - enough to vote. It seems that as we progress further towards Inauguration day, disappointment and unfulfilled promises await his loyal voters.
All said and done, Hillary ran the more respectable campaign. Actually, it was probably one of the most respectable campaigns we will ever see. She smiled, engaged folks one on one, gave clear and detailed explanations of her policies, and was accompanied by some of the most respected leaders in the Democratic party, including President Obama.
The dirt Hillary threw was minimal. Most of her defense was a fueled by Donald Trump opening his mouth, and she used all of it strategically. The worst was when she called Donald and his following a “basket of deplorables.” But like everything about Hillary, it was an honest statement. The collateral damage was the obvious & bitter double-standard from the Right.
From an audience perspective, it was like a charismatic church pastor competing against Reverend Peter from the local country church. Entertainment vs. documentary.
Clinton ran the campaign of an American President, and Trump hosted a reality show fueled by shock-value. It was an election of network ratings.
The big lesson for me - I missed the symptoms of what was to come, realizing the important choices I had to make as a citizen, because like a good Christian, I blindly dismissed the harmful words & actions of people who were close to me. I knew couldn’t claim the false security of ignorance anymore. I had to become a high-information voter, and a more capable citizen.
I researched and got informed, began to understand that fake-news was the source of a lot of the anger-causing rhetoric. I witnessed an absolutely devastating election. One might say that it’s only devastating for some, but I believe as time passes, many will experience the disappointment of empty promises. In America, empty promises fuel a sense of despair & anger… and folks start searching for people to blame.
I’m still a middle-class believer in Christ, a church seceder, and a Democrat. I will always be a high-information voter. I have enough information from the last month of researching & watching to know that while our President-elect suggests that he champions a great America, a thriving economy, the value of life, and a nation under God – it’s just a sales pitch.
No Bible quotes to wrap a ribbon around this post, but I think this is important -
Believing what the majority believes is easy. It ensures a feeling of belonging. It’s a great, powerful feeling. Listening to your heart is the greater challenge, because most of the time it will take you against the grain. That is where the fight exists, and it’s what makes life difficult sometimes. But we have to fight, and never give up.
In that, I believe that’s where we can seek God – because he truly resides in our hearts.
May we make it through the next 4 years, may we find unity, may we grow from all we have learned, & may we have the courage to stand up for equal rights and those who are oppressed.
DEBRIEF: As a former low-information voter, these are some of the symptoms I experienced in the year approaching the election, but didn’t recognize in the moment:
Symptom 1: The anti-Obama rhetoric. What most Evangelical Christians & Right-wing voters believe about President Obama is categorically untrue, usually rhetoric from fake news. Their information is Post-truth, where they change the narrative to suit their anger & cause.
Symptom 2: “Lock Her Up!” Hillary Clinton was cleared by the FBI of wrong doing. Of course a witch-hunt ensued that culminated during the last week of the campaign with the Comey letter. Comey later cleared Clinton of any wrong-doing (again), with a day to spare. The letter was revealed to be a tool used to throw the election. And it worked. Over 50% of America is devastated as I type this.
Symptom 3: “People are collecting your information on social media.” People propelling rhetoric about our nation’s security being threatened by Facebook and by Hillary Clinton... advising me to remove all of my personal information from the internet. Why the tone of urgency? Why was I only hearing this information from conservative Christians?
Symptom 4: Infusing Right-wing rhetoric into Leadership training. I participated in a leadership development group called “The Abraham Experience” with some guys from my work. One of the most unifying factors perpetuated by the group leader, other than belief in God, was that “President Barack Hussein Obama” was the root of everything wrong with our country, and that it’s un-American to have a Muslim in office. What does this mean? It means that people are teaching complete BS in the framework of something that is believed to be a serious learning experience. Why is this happening?
Symptom 5: Breitbart. I saw news about the Breitbart website about a month before the election – how it tied in with Trump, his campaign CEO Steve Bannon. Hillary tweeted out some sample headlines from that site, and they were sensationalist, racist, Post-truth rhetoric that resembled what I’d heard from friends, family, etc who were voting for Trump, and had been speaking out about all-things Left. One night while scrolling through Facebook, I saw promoted ad from Breitbart’s Facebook page. Unsurprisingly, most of the folks who had been feeding that sense of “alternate reality” into my life were following their page. These folks are family, friends, people I know from church, and sadly – I saw a few that had attended my youth group a few years back. It is alarming that Breitbart has their buy-in, not only as a reliable source of news, but as something that is literally causing a toxic transformation in our society.
Symptom 6: The Feeling That Something Is Fundamentally Wrong. The most important symptom, realizing that I had no idea what people were talking about – especially the rhetoric that gave me the sense of “alternate reality.” I discovered that a lot of it was being perpetuated from fake news resources like Breitbart News. People were replicating the information in conversation, and believing it to be truth. After getting involved, researching, & watching reputable news – my world view solidified, and strengthened my faith in God, even though my faith in humanity might be a little low at the moment.
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“This Is For Real, Folks.”
I have never written about politics. When I blog here, it’s usually about my experiences in ministry-related issues. Not this time.
In late August, my wife and I were watching @Midnight on Comedy Central, and Chris Hardwick started talking about the real idea of Donald Trump becoming President of the United States, and he became poignant. He said that Trump becoming President was a frightening possibility. This coming from a guy who ensures a half-hour’s-worth of high-energy concentration of potty humor & snark.. That got my attention. We started watching John Oliver, CNN, Bill Maher… all coming from different points of view.
There are so many things that have happened in the 2016 Election. The one thing I’ve been able to narrow down is this: Hillary Clinton’s Issues with an email server are in no way in the same league as Donald Trump’s current and future legal clusterf*ck of fraud, misogyny, and allegations of sexual assault.
It’s that last one I want to address.
I’ve been listening to people of faith rearrange their value systems to accommodate and piece together a Presidential candidate in Donald Trump. Christians think he’s going to save the babies, when the truth is, that isn’t even on his radar. He gave it a shot at the 3rd debate, as he basically described a cross between a caesarean section and a standard delivery, combined with something he heard in a conversation somewhere. AKA, he doesn’t care. Regardless of who you’re defending as a candidate, Donald J. Trump does not give a damn about America’s unborn babies.
Rant over, back to what I was going to talk about…
About 12 years ago, I was sitting in the office of a church interviewing with a pastor of a mainline denominational church to be their worship leader. He decided then and there to give me the job, and as I was about to get up to shake his hand, he said, “I need to be very serious with you about something.”
I sat back down.
The pastor continued, “You are going to have women on your worship team. It’s important that you are never alone with any female in this church. It’s important that if a woman asks you to meet one-on-one, you can agree, but let them know there will be another person on staff with you at that meeting.”
I said, “Ok, not a problem.”
He said, “I’m serious… this is nothing to joke about. If any woman even suggests that you have been sexually inappropriate with them, I’d have to terminate your employment with this church. No investigation, you won’t have an opportunity to defend yourself – it’s literally over. It’s the policy of our denomination –part of our sexual misconduct policy.”
I said, “I understand, you can count on me.”
He continued, “Well, it’s not that easy – all staff has to go through a Sexual Misconduct class, and at the end you’ll sign an agreement, and after that, we’ll begin your employment at our church. So… welcome!”
My pastor stood up and shook my hand, and thus began a 3 year shit storm of church politics (which you can read about in a couple of my past posts! :) Rest assured, there were no sexual misconduct issues… just plenty of church politics.
What’s my point?
My point is that we have a Presidential candidate with 12+ sexual assault allegations, and pending court appearances scheduled – and that’s just the tip of the iceberg, AND people want him to have the highest leadership position in the world. If anyone else had a string of allegations like his, they’d be lucky if they were ever able to secure any kind of employment in their lifetime.
Sexual misconduct, on all levels, is something that has been brought to light over the last 8+ years, and is finally on a path to being figured out in the workplace, in our churches, and especially in our personal lives. Our society had become a far cry from the primitive behaviors of the past, only to be on a path to being unearthed as a result of Donald Trump’s campaign.
When I think of Trump, I think of Ted Haggard, a charismatic demagogue-like pastor of a megachurch who set standards of doing ministry, until he got caught red-handed in the throes of sexual misconduct. Pastor Ted was “exiled” from his church and from the state of Colorado. I think he’s a real estate agent now. But most importantly, HE’S NOT A CANDIDATE FOR THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
We can’t set our clocks back 50-60 years, folks. Even if one of the most entertaining reality show stars/business con artists is creating a “movement” to make sexist behavior great again.
Vote for Hillary. Vote for McMullen. Please…. Don’t vote for Donald Trump. President Obama said recently, with little restraint, that the well-being of our nation depends on making sure Trump does not get voted in. Who knows what that looks like exactly… but who wants to find out?
Not me.
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I’m Sorry, Rick.
Today I was at work helping out with a special project.
I was excited to be there, excited to see some friends and connect with them. When we got there, it was one of those situations where there were too many hands to help, so to keep things organized with the project, a lot of people were helping out by staying out of the way and talking on the sidelines.
There were a few people there I didn’t know, and among them was a guy named Rick. One of the guys on a ladder mentioned that Rick had been baptized a couple weeks ago and that he was really on fire for the Lord – and I thought that was great. He began sharing his story – and right away, I noticed that all of the other guys kind of shifted into this “I’m not listening” mode, even trying to talk over him to try and get him to shut up. In an effort to help Rick not to feel ignored, I looked over to let him know I was listening.
As Rick shared his testimony, he gained momentum, and walked over to talk with me one-on-one. It was a great story – it turns out that Rick is homeless and a recovering addict. He lives in his car in a parking lot. Someone from the church all of these guys attended connected with him, and invited him to church – and his life was changed. He accepted Christ, and experienced a spiritual healing in his spirit, and a physical healing in his body. He said he had several ailments, including his struggle with addiction, and that they had disappeared.
I believe that God is capable of anything, especially miracles. I know that His miracles show up in different ways, big and small – and I could see in Rick’s eyes and in listening to him that his testimony was true.
As Rick’s story continued to gain further momentum, he started kind of getting in my face. The story just kept going, and I started to get uncomfortable. As I would subtly move back a little, he would follow and continue to get back in my face. I extended my patience, and offered indicators of agreement and encouragement, like “that’s incredible…” or “praise God – that is blessed!” Stock responses, I know – but they were honest. I was happy for the guy – but I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable. At one point, I started to feel overwhelmed, maybe even threatened in a way.
I finally found a way to kind of segue out of the conversation – actually, someone asked me to give them a hand with something with the project. As I went to help, I could tell that Rick was deflated, that he felt like he’d been cut off.
After I’d finished helping, I left the room and went and sat in another office with my wife, who was also there. She said she noticed that something was wrong, and that I was about to lose my cool. She agreed that Rick was a little forward and overwhelming, and that he seemed like a new Believer who was out to conquer the world.
I guess I was wondering why I reacted like I did. I also started reflecting on my own walk with God, and re-acknowledged that it is stagnate. I started thinking back to when I was just starting to find my relationship with Christ… I thought of how fired up I was, and how I believed in the potential of God’s work in me to make an impact on the world. I thought of times when I wanted to connect with other Christians, and talk about Jesus.
And then – I remembered how rare it was that anyone seemed interested in my story of coming to know Christ, how I sometimes felt like an inconvenience.
There’s something about being a new Christian that makes you feel like you need to continually prove yourself to others in the Christian community. I can only imagine how Rick felt, how much he felt like he needed to prove – even that he might be on a journey to change peoples’ perspective of him in light of his new direction in his life, as he gets to know Christ.
Being a Christian is rarely convenient. It’s not a complaint – it’s just a fact.
Like, today, I wasn’t in a mindset where I was able to really be receptive to a testimony like Rick’s. It caused me to see my own faults. Glaringly. It caused me to see that those around him might be feeling the same way, as dismissive as they were. It’s true that Rick might have been overwhelming – but the greater truth is that as a believer in Christ, I need to be ready to talk with people who want to talk about Him.
Sometimes, it feels like talking about Him is all we have in an intangible faith. In talking about our stories, our testimonies – we are acknowledging Christ, and keeping Him alive in our hearts, even as He lives among us.
So… I’m sorry, Rick. I’m sorry that I was a crappy disciple today. I’m sorry that I recoiled in my heart as you got all up in my face about Jesus. I love Jesus too – someday I hope we get to talk about Him more.
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Thoughts from “Why A Church Needs to Be Rebuilt Backwards”...
I saw a blog post on FB today called “Why A Church Needs to Be Rebuilt Backwards” by John Pavlovitz - I read it and offered a response. Check it out...
I had to think back to why I went to church in the first place - I wanted to know God & build a relationship with God. Then, I wanted to be part of a church where God's work was evident in the people and in the impact they had on one another. I wanted to be positively influenced, so I could become a positive influence in the way God wanted me to be.
As I became steeped in the church community, I discovered that I had a passion to use my music skills for God. So, I became involved in that area of the church with "That band." As I became steeped in worship ministry, and eventually youth ministry, I became the best leader someone with a Type B personality could be. I had a career doing that for 12 years.
In that time, I encountered the visions of 4 different pastors, and their growing apathy in ministry. They were all in a place of having been backed into a corner by their frustrated, angry congregations. As I got to know the congregations, I found out that the reasons they were angry were overwhelming in number & in level of anger. I also found out that because I was part of an unpopular leadership, that I inherited the stamp of being unpopular.
This was a pattern that carried over my work at 3 different churches. One thing is obvious - whether it be at church, at work, in marriages, etc., the attitude about what Leadership looks like is shifting. So.. is it the church that needs to be rebuilt backwards, or is it the idea of Leadership?
I will leave with this thought - when a congregation is united & fueled by anger & frustration, they aren't fueled by God, or even seeking God. They aren't a church anymore, maybe at best - a coalition of sorts led by the angry. I don't think we actually know what "church" is supposed to look like, or maybe, because the Bible makes it look so simple (bc it actually is), we don't trust it in our current social climate. Either way... it needs to be fixed, because it's an emergency that is bigger than us.
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It’s been a year since my last ChurchWorker post. It’s been almost 2 years since being employed at a church. Since then, things have changed not only in my life, but in the Christian community. It’s ok to state the obvious, right?
Why post? Isn’t the story over?
After a 12 year career, some experiences are still feeling kind of fresh 2 years after. The more I read in other blogs and publications, the more I understand that it is normal to feel that way. The journey to forgive is a long one, and the journey to understand and learn from my own mistakes is a long one.
My wife and I had jumped into attending and participating at a church that was close to where we live. As we spent time there, we started meeting folks. We were excited about getting to know people without the strange, unspoken boundary we’ve always experienced with my being on staff. It was good to be regular folks for once. We became involved with the worship team, and started helping out on Sundays.
Sounds really awesome, right? Back on the horse, as it were. A friend of mine was the pastor, had a vision for planting more churches, and loved connecting with the community he led.
As I got to know folks, I learned that they loved guns and hunting, and had a need to pervade the congregation with a sense of needing to prepare for the end times. They love Duck Dynasty - so much that I got sucked into watching it for a while! They like to slam President Obama. The pastor liked to spend time at the pulpit debunking other pastors and Christian authors. They liked worship to be brooding. Easter’s message was devoid of any joy, followed by a moon bounce and cookout in the church parking lot. Christmas was spent, yet again, getting wrapped up in our sins, and Christ’s crucifixion, followed by winning a Starbuck’s gift card at their Christmas party.
Even though I wasn’t into some of those things, my wife and I enjoyed connecting with the people at this church.
Then, I ran into a wall. It was a wall composed of unresolved emotions, burn out from not really ever taking a break from church, and beginning to see the importance placed on the “ism’s” and anti-this-and-that’s of an extremely political, small church body.
I had become a little calloused, because after 12 years working in a church, you start to understand that people leverage their faith with politics, because politics, values, and conflict make faith and the cause for faith more tangible. Folks having reasons to defend God through our lives and actions gives people a more comfortable playing ground to discuss Christ. Apparently, love & grace just aren’t enough. The truth is, love & grace should be more than enough.
Back to burn-out and fitting into this new church… Let me preface this by putting this out there – my wife and I don’t have any kids yet. We started to notice a pattern of behavior with some folks at this church that set off a red light. Every week after services, at small groups, at fellowship events, at prayer services – people were coming up to myself or my wife asking if we were expecting a child.
At that point, I’d come to understand that having children was something that was necessary to fit into this church culture. Literally every week, someone, including the pastor and/or his wife, would ask if my wife was pregnant.
The more this happened, the more awkward it became.
For a while, I had a semi-weekly coffee meeting with the pastor. We were friends, and it was awesome to catch up and talk about things. I don’t really have a lot of friends… I mean, it just happens after you get married. All the people you hung out with are also married, so connecting is rare. Getting coffee with a friend was a welcome event in a busy week.
We had great conversations, but over time, I noticed that the conversations became more clinical & formatted. It started to feel like therapy-meets- accountability. We would be having this great conversation about life, and then there would be a point where the conversation would make a hard turn into:
So.. how much time are you spending in the Word?
I hear what you’re saying, but are you in the Word?
How often are you and your wife having sex?
Are you and your wife expecting yet?
If you could picture your life 1 year from now committing all aspects of your life to Christ – what would that look like?
Not all the questions were bad, but some were a little intrusive. The fact that these questions came up in the same order every time - I began to understand that there was a plan in place. This was how he implemented discipleship, and it was how he figured out if someone was fit for leadership.
I never really experienced this process in my church background made this awkward for me - especially the part reporting back about sex with my wife & pregnancy updates. I also became aware that emotions are pretty unimportant – any story I had about anything going on in my life was met with “but how much time are you spending in the Word?”
It’s an important question, but any answer I offered was met with a sense of disapproval or, “you could probably be spending more time in the Word, right?”
The wall was growing taller.
Our small group meetings graduated from being a sanctuary for discussing the Word and life to becoming a forum for hot-button news topics or political issues in the world. I never met so many folks who were so bent on wearing the yoke of the state of Israel on their backs. Again, I understand – but what about the lost, homeless, and downtrodden folks here in the United States?
The worship leader and pastor didn’t get along. Because of this, the pastor had a passive-aggressive way of devaluing the times of worship... By not participating. It was obvious to my wife and I, and it made us want to run. He publicly explained that he was in his ready room praying and preparing for his message. The reason he gave me over coffee was that he perceived the worship music as “more of an option”, and that he was sick of dealing with the musician-ego.
As a musician who is rooted in worship music, this was tough for me to swallow. At the time, I was still considering the idea of becoming rooted in worship ministry again.
For a while, a second worship leader stepped up to the plate. He was talented, had a great attitude, and was as unprepared and scattered as I was. It usually resulted in an amazing time of worship. He always invited my wife to serve as well, which was really encouraging. I felt engaged in worship, not just playing the music – but worshiping God in the midst of the worship service. This was a different experience for me.
But alas, conflict and jealousy was brewing behind the scenes about this and that. My anxiety started to revisit and grow - just like old times. I was overwhelmed by burnout and didn’t want to be involved anymore. I prayed for God to take it away, yet the burnout remained. It got to the point where getting out of bed on Sundays wasn’t happening.
My wife and I had to admit to ourselves that we dreaded the thought of going to small group, church, and fellowship events. We acknowledged that the social awkwardness, the angry political rants, and pregnancy checks weren’t aiding us in getting to know the people of this church better. All of it felt unnatural to both my wife and I – so we made the decision to move on.
We were a bad fit. We knew the reality was that it took a specific kind of person to “belong” at that church.
I’m not sure where all of this leads.
We understand that there are issues at any church - but to what magnitude? Is this what we should expect in going forward? Is the idea of finding a “Church Home” something that is exclusive to a particular kind of person?
My wife and I are still praying about seeking a church, but we’re not sure if it’s the right time. Even as we’re currently leading worship for a youth retreat team, the current hot-button issues are coming up in the little pre-communion messages from the pastors, in hopes of “alleviating possible confusion”, etc.
I’m over the soap boxes. From pastors. From everyone who has a social media account. It’s possible that I’m sick of my own soap box. Yet, mine is unique.. there aren’t a lot of people out there talking about failing at a church job, or the journey to find a new church community.
So for now, this is the soapbox that offers me a chance to vent. It doesn’t have to be the best version of me.
May we find a place to belong – may the tension we experience lead us closer to you. May our soap box be productive, humble, but somehow bold.
Listening to | The Jezabels, The Motels, & Psychedelic Furs.
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Delete.
The other day, I deleted every administrative, work-related email from every church I've ever worked at.
It's been a few months since I left my church job. Since then, I have been turning things around in my life.. striving for excellent things in a new job that I really love, combating Type 2 Diabetes, High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol and a Vitamin D deficiency, and being consistent with a manageable, aggressive fitness plan. I usually work out 2x per day. That combined with a radically different & micromanaged diet, my body is changing for the better, my mind is getting healthier, and overall, I am starting to feel better.
I know I have things to work through, there's no getting around it.
When a person spends 6 years in a career where the expectation is to just swallow the bad stuff that gets thrown at you, while the throwers are permitted to keep throwing, things get stuffed down, internalized. I've discovered that sometimes out of nowhere, some of these experiences come up in my thoughts... and it's like the anger and frustration I experienced in those times is the same as it was in the moment.
Sometimes, even the "know that you are missed" messages and emails unearth things - especially if the person who sends the message was connected to a lot of negative experiences.
There's this one guy who was on the Personnel Committee for the majority of the time I worked there. He's an ass. This isn't judging, this is known, factual information. He was a concert-goer disguised as a worshipper, who was accidentally given authority, even before I was hired. He's the snarky devils advocate with a Napoleon complex, the short guy with a bite, because he's overcompensating as he tries to hide his self-defined inadequacies. He toggled between being really nice to me, to throwing me under the bus. His opinion of me changed with the wind, or rather, with the opinions of the strong and loud.
This guy made work very difficult. He, in concert with others, made it so I never had the authority to lead in my job effectively. I couldn't make decisions... every decision was a slap on the wrist, especially if it was a decision that wasn't processed through their 80 layers of approval.
Yess.. go ahead and note the sarcasm.
Anyway, for the longest time, I tried to just kind of ignore the guy - but then we wound up in a small group together for The Truth Project. We got to a point where we started to relate, there was a little kindness there - and the second I became open to it and tried to reach out to the guy, I got bit again. The power trips started coming back, sometimes while we were at small group.
What's my point? THAT guy texted my wife and I last week, "How are you guys doing?"
Per my wife's recommendation... we didn't respond. For those questions are loaded, and lead to an onslaught of verbal diarrhea. Neither one of us were game.
On the upside.. really nice people from that church have reached out to connect with us. It's awesome, but my wife and I are striving for kind of a separation and/or some distance from things as a whole.
So, the ominous email comment above...
Occasionally, I have gone through old emails from my boss and other leaders that I'd filtered to a special folder, you know, like we all do to be organized, etc. My wife told me that I should consider deleting those emails, because otherwise, I'd continue to unearth old issues.
What she said was extremely true.
Here's why - when you get to know a person over the course of 6 years, you learn what makes them a good person, and you also learn what their shortcomings are. Just to be fair, people learn that about us, too. I'm not denying that, or excluding myself from the "I've got faults" pile. The thing is though... when you look at old emails with seasoned eyes - you start to recognize how you viewed a person in the beginning was a little naive, uninformed.
I came across emails where I saw these overworded emails I'd sent, because I was so excited about the potential of what that job held, only to be responded to with 2-3 word blow-offs from my boss. I saw this in emails consistently over the course of 6 years from beginning to end. I saw my enthusiasm begin to wane about 3 years in. In the end, I saw that all of my emails were worded and set up to clear past the short-term attention span of a boss who didn't give a shit.
I also came across carefully constructed emails from the personnel committee guy I described above - his emails were designed to shame or get the reader addicted to his approval. That's a trap my boss fell into, but I decided not to fall into, once I identified that pattern. Though, that's why I could never really successfully weigh in on things. When personnel committee guy's mind was made up about stuff - my thoughts or decisions didn't matter.
So.. here I am reading these emails... and I come across one that I got from my boss - before I was even hired. I remembered how I'd email him every few weeks to see if there was any momentum on creating the job position, and there'd be no response. HOW DID I NOT GET A CLUE?
Anyway, there was this one email that said "Things are moving fast. I'm being put under a lot of pressure to hire you...", which on one hand, you'd think it was a good thing. Maybe it was a statement that was supposed to make me feel like I was in demand. I remember, when I went to the interview, I didn't feel very in-demand - I felt like I was in an inquiry with about 15 people who weren't on-board, or trying to make sure I wasn't going to resemble a previous bad-experience employee.
I found an email from him from the last couple months I worked there, and it was almost identical.. "Things are moving fast. I'm being put under a lot of pressure to hire a new choir director."
Ah, hindsight.
It's that hindsight that caused me to spiral, and recognize that I was clueless. When I got a clue, it hurt - and also worth mentioning, I still didn't have a clue. The thing is, regardless of my ability to get a clue - no one should have to have that much of a clue.
With Church, the myth is also the ideal. I always had this ideal that what I was supposed to do was to highlight Christ in worship. I always, even until the end perceived that as my job, even though the majority of that job was trying to micromanage all of these politically driven moving parts, knowing that the breathing wrong can potentially create chaos.
At least with this church, the ideal of cultivating spiritual growth, at least trying to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit, was kind of a myth. If you took the word "church" out and put "country club" in its place, we'd be on to something.
With these thoughts in mind, identifying toxic patterns of my own, and kind of getting this sensation of sinking, I went through all of my Outlook folders with work-related emails from the churches I've worked at, and I deleted them all.
I deleted them. Over a decade to accumulate, and under 5 minutes to delete. I deleted them.
As I've been praying for this sense of spiritual/soul cleansing, I'm realizing that I unpacked a lot of unresolved anger from having read all of those emails, and I wound up remembering a lot of things that I need to put behind me.
This anger... it has impacted my entire life, my health, my marriage, my music - my ability to experience a healthy reality. We all have our own reality, I know that there are people going through worse, and that to some, my experiences have been nothing negative by their standards. But.. this is my reality, and I have to figure this out so I can grow and move on.
If you read this.. forgive that it's so stream-of-consciousness and unfiltered. Blessings to you - for everything awesome, and for anything you're struggling with.
Listening to | U2 - Invisible #OnRepeat
Photo | ©2014 SpiritMeter|Creative
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Next Church.
Just to catch you up, I resigned from my church about 2 months ago, and my last Sunday was about a month ago. My wife and I asked if we could stay on with The Truth Project until it is finished, because we have been leading an awesome small group. This program officially lasts for another week, but our small group has decided that it wants to continue meeting as a home group after The Truth Project is over.
This was really exciting for us to hear, because currently, our group meets at the church, but we were going to move it to our houses, & take turns hosting. The thing is, there are some married couples who have kids, and they decided that instead of having the kids play together, they want to have adult supervised child care for them.
What does that mean? They want to continue meeting at the church.
My wife and I talked about this on the way home this past Fri night after TTP let out... it was kind of funny, because I completely missed the fact that they were thinking about meeting at the church. Denial at it's finest, let me tell you. As we talked, we decided that if the group was going to continue to meet at the church, that we would step out.
I don't want to go to that church building anymore. I'm done being there. Every time I go there, I walk in and feel the toxicity in the air. You think that sounds a little dramatic? I may have mentioned it, but there is a church plant who also uses the building who meet every morning at 5:30am to pray for their church, but also our church. The head of their prayer team told our pastor that they feel sadness & anger in the building even when it's empty.
To me, that seemed like important information.
After having felt the spiritual attack on that church for almost 6 years, I completely agree that, yes, there is sadness & anger in that building, food for the enemy's field day. Let those prayers continue and flow for as long as they can, prayers for Holy Spirit's presence and reminder of Christ's victory over the enemy.
Anyway, my wife and I both agreed that after this last TTP session, it's time to not go to that building anymore.
I think I mentioned/acknowledged.. I know it's going to take a while to move past things. In fact, I have begun to see the beginning of that. This past week I went to the doctor for the first time in about a decade, because I finally have health coverage again.
For a while now, I've been experiencing what I believe to be neuropathic pain in my feet, which comes and goes. I know a lot of folks who have Type 2 diabetes and/or thyroid issues... so I thought I'd get checked out as well. When I went in for my appointment, I found out that my blood pressure is through the roof. They said to cut back on salty & fried stuff, and to see if that helps. I've also upped water intake and workouts.
Then they set up a time for me to come in so they could draw some blood. They drew a lot, sent it out, and then the other day I got a call to come in sometime this week to have the results explained to me by my doctor. There are a lot of things that could be causing the pain... most of them seemed, to my limited medical knowledge, like things that can be treated.
The doctor also wanted to talk about depression & anxiety. Will there be medication for that also? Or will I start up with another therapist or pastoral counselor? Or both?
UPDATE 11/25 -- Today I found out that I have Type 2 Diabetes, high cholesterol, and a Vitamin D deficiency. I was prescribed some medication & Vitamin D, with some blood testing gear. Time to turn things around. I'd appreciate your prayers!
I've met up with a pastor buddy of mine who is about the same age as me. He pastors a new church close by, and we connected through a bible study group that our wives have done for a while. It seems like we've connected more since I quit my job at the other church. My wife and I visited their church a while back, and loved it, so we decided to try it again.
In fact, a couple weeks ago, we got invited to lead worship, so I asked my good friend to join us on guitar. That was a great Sunday.. a lot of folks sang out - and everyone was very warm toward us. This one guy, who I'd coordinated with earlier in the week with lyrics, logistics, etc, he offered to get me a cup of coffee. That blew me away. That has never happened to me at a church before.
So all is well, we took last week off, and then we connected with the my pastor buddy and some other couples for some fellowship this past Saturday night. It was awesome. My mistake was drinking like 2-3 cups of coffee while I was there, because it was more than readily available. There was some great conversation and we played a few board games - it was crazy awesome.
This is the kind of connecting my wife and I have hoped for. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that we are finally not an "on-staff" couple, as they never quite reach the "church family" status. But then again, the core of this church is different - they are small, still resembling a church plant.
Bad news... the amount of caffeine I drank.. wow. I only got 2 hours of sleep before I had to wake up and go to church. When I woke up, I felt out of sorts. I probably should have stayed home... but we went anyway. It was a great service, great message, great worship. We had Communion today, because they have Communion every Sunday. I really like that :)
Check out my post from earlier this year | Convenient Communion.
I don't know whether it was because I was tired.. but I left feeling a ton of anxiety. I felt a sense of relief that we were on our way home. I started becoming paranoid... thinking things like "I hope I wasn't awkward, or make a bad impression, or plant any seeds of wearing out my welcome, or seem like I resemble someone who has an agenda of any sort...etc.."
And then I asked myself... "Do I need a break from Church?"
Part of me wants to just keep moving forward, but part of me wants to deal with some stuff, and hit the reset button. I need to be able to perceive going to church as not going to a job. I don't know if I know how to do that at the moment.
I love my buddy's church. It's really cool, and I want to approach it the way God has envisioned for us.
This is a lot, maybe overwhelming.. but I don't care. That's what this blog is for. It's like, as I'm typing, I'm literally realizing that I have a lot of issues that have mounted for a long time. I need God to help me sort these things out.
Lord... may you help us in these next steps towards meaningful fellowship in the Body of Christ.. may it be more than "Next Church", may it be a place where we can be a blessing. Reveal to us if there's something else in your plan. Let me know if I need to rest before going gung-ho back into a new church.
Totally Random | Music Recommendations
Tenth Ave North - The Struggle
Hammock - Departure Songs
Twitter | @BlogChurchWork
Graphic | ©2013 SpiritMeter|Creative
Photo | iStock
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Forward, Greater.
I think about the past a lot. I try to think about it in a way that is sort of this constant, real-time mode of learning from my mistakes - making an effort to improve. Sometimes though, I get caught up in thinking about people, relationships, places... I have a memory that is almost photographic when it comes to experiences.
It would have been cool to have a memory like that on the academic side of things back in the day ;)
This past Sunday was my last day of being on-staff leading worship at my church. It was an awesome Sunday, one of the best over almost 6 years of ministry. I thought it was going to be sort of business as usual. There didn't seem to be a lot of interest with my worship team in having a get-together like we have with past members who have moved on at different times. Well, we kind of had one set up, and then everyone kind of cancelled out at the last minute, so instead of having our hang out, I went ahead and just had a rehearsal with everyone who could be there. I was psyched for a great friend of mine to come back and play with the worship team on Sunday.
So.. the early service was pretty much the usual. My pastor said some kind words, and invited people to come up and say goodbye afterwards, and they did.
I thought the second service would go relatively the same, but then out of nowhere, 2 people got up and gave personal testimonies of how my and my wife's ministry had blessed them - it was awesome. One of the folks actually said that she was called by the Holy Spirit to share her thoughts and testimony, when she had never done that before in her life.
I was blown away.
I was trying to figure out what God was doing in these moments. Today, I realized that was God's way of letting me & my wife know that our time at this church had a purpose. It was in His will and His time - by His Will and not ours. We can walk away knowing that it was the right time to go, with the best remaining - relationships formed with lifelong friends.
In all of this, I'm kind of looking back over the last 12 years. I started back at a church in Lynchburg, VA, it was the church where I accepted Christ as my personal Savior. It was an amazing church called New Life Community Church.
Check out my post, "A Testimony", where I talk more about my time at New Life, and share my story of coming to Christ.
Tonight, before I wrote this, I went and checked out their website just out of curiosity. Occasionally, I like to go there and see a message by Pastor Mike in their video sermons. This guy used to preach for an hour or longer...and it always seemed to go by in 20 minutes.
He still preaches the same. The music still sounds the same... I saw some of the same people on the worship team and as the camera panned around the congregation. Pastor Mike still looks the same, maybe a decade older.. I guess we all look that way after a decade ;)
I've always looked back at my time there as a personal pinnacle of spiritual growth, probably because I'd come out of a time in my life where I'd had my back turned to God. Though, as I watched the video, and thought about that time in my life - I started to feel a sense of stagnation - a sense that time had passed, like I wasn't holding onto it that much anymore.
Maybe God is working on my heart at this moment, and He is telling me that it's time to really move on - to stop remembering in reverse, but only in a way that allows me to see the grace of his Son, Jesus Christ. Maybe God wants me to look ahead, and to see how much growth I've experienced personally and spiritually over the course of doing music ministry.
It's hard to see things like personal, spiritual growth, having been buried in a mire of church politics. Yet, because God is God, it happened. Now that I've stepped away, I can start to see it, and pray for what's next.
I think in all of this, I need to be ready to heal from those experiences. While I'm at it, I think there's lot from the past that I need to heal from. I need to give it up to God, and give up my ownership of these things that still circle in my mind.
May God help each of us to move forward, so we can see His greater plan for us. May we pray for each other as we struggle to let go and be healed.
Totally Random | Music Recommendations
Tenth Ave North | The Struggle
Twitter | @BlogChurchWork
Photo | ©2013 SpiritMeter|Creative
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