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orange autumn

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My cat, my pussy: meow

why do people say “don’t be a pussy” when talking about weakness more like “don’t be a man’s ego” because you know there isn’t nothing more fragile than that

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Relationship? If you have to ask you're not in a good one. You should want to make your partner the happiest person alive with suprises and hot chocolate and hugs. It's not a chore you should enjoy it.

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at staff meetings, snape can sometimes be so bluntly sarcastic that, whether they like him or not, some of the other professors will start laughing. he has a terrific sense of humor that simply comes from being miserable.

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alright I’ve got a One Free Kinkshame pass that expires this week so I’m gonna go ahead and use it in response to some fairly surreal undertale porn i just saw: who the FUCK is whippin their dripper to skeletons with butt plugs crammed into their tail bones. i mean i know this is The Internet and all but i am at a loss. they’re bones, my dudes. you wanna stick your dick in some bones? you gonna stick your dick in some gotdamn bones? bones can’t feel, pal buddy. I’m sorry. they Can’t. butt plugs don’t work on bones. thats like plugging your HDMI cable into your electric toothbrush. its feasible but nothing is gonna happen, i promise. all i can imagine is what that would sound like. you shove some vibrating bullshit up into some bones and its just gonna be CLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAKCLAK. gonna sound like all your grandma’s hanging lawn ornaments in a hurricane. you wanna fuck your grandma’s lawn ornaments? you wanna shove a butt plug in your grandma’s butterfly windsock and play your fiddle to it you piece of shit? Unbelievable

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i was thinking to myself like maaan the brain is pretty amazing and then i realised it was my brain telling me to think that, what a cocky asshole.

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what is the point of a thigh gap

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Girlfriend: You hang up first

Boyfriend: No, you

Girlfriend: No, *soulja boy voice* YOUUUUUU

Boyfriend: *hangs up*

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MY DAD TOLD MY 9 YEAR OLD BROTHER NOT TO SAY THE WORD DESSERT ANYMORE SO HE NICKNAMED IT “THE BIG D"

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a bunch of girls commented their numbers on harry’s instagram pics and i am gonna be that asshole that texts them pretending its harry

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uno is a great card game it’s just filled with smiles and laughter and numbers and colors and everything is right in the world until someone skips you because then it gets real fuckin personal real fuckin fast

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I feel this

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i dont like it when people add comments to my post so im making this post so you can add comments to it go nuts homies