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so fucking hungry but i cant. force anything down my throat

#had. a couple bites of toast. some gummy bears. #feels so fucking horrible

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crowded ass airport inhale coca cola into my lungs coughing fit oh my god put me down !!

#dont actually feel bad just. a little silly/embarrassed

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oh matt we're really in it now

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>decide to actually do art like ive been wanting to for months and months but havent been able to

>find reference pic

>get art program all set up

>grab tablet and pen

>plug tablet into computer

>tablet doesnt fucking work anymore

>

#it might be the cable but i dont have any others like this one #i know i used to but idk what happened to it :( #really hope its not the tablet. its not a good one but at least it enables me to do something sometimes

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feels sick. like head achey body achey warm dissociative sick. lay in bed and sleep for hours and hours sick. oh my god does my back hurt from laying but i cant stand up without feeling like im about to black out

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back hurts so bad i feel like im gonna vomit

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and the guy sitting next to me is talking with his mouth full and i can hear the food slopping around in his mouth and im like how do you get to the age of fuckin 50 or whatever and still be so fucking disgusting

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not gonna cry in the cafe not gonna cry in the cafe again not gonna cry in front of karl again not gonna do it im literally normal and fine and nothing is wrong

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throws up

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im so.

#i dont even know.

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want smoke still so scared

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theres a lot of yelling and banging on the walls outside and i know im safe in here and it has nothing to do with me but what if they break in and bad things happen :(((((

#scared scared scared scared scared i feel so small and afraid and im :(((( #its ok its gonna be ok nothing bad is going to happen everythings going to be alright #:(((((

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theyre gonna drive me fucking insane

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hopefully when this passes the pain will subside some but. oh god

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started my fucking period im literally gonna kms

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i want chicken mcnuggets :(

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the only thing worse than having to leave early is crying in front of karl and michael. like hey im already in excruciating pain let me make myself look like a pathetic loser idiot about it too

#which i know isnt how they or anybody else sees it. but it doesnt make me feel any less embarrassed about it