clicksandticks

[clicksandticks]

Thankful for each day!

I know myself as a person who, as much as possible, does everything on my own, without needing other people. Probably because I’ve gotten used to it, or it could also be because, I’m preparing myself for a lifetime of independence (lol!) I try so hard to do things on my own and not depend “too much” on other people. Another reason that I can think of is I get too shy to be a bother to other people because everyone in this modern world is just too busy.

In the past few days, I have a lot of realizations, though. And it all boils down to this —- NO MAN IS AN ISLAND!

It is a very old adage that we overly use to fill what our life motto is in our classmates slumbook. But this is a general truth. We cannot live on our own.

I would like to highlight a few persons who have been very instrumental to this realization:

The doctors and nurses who took care for me in the past 3 days. I can’t thank you enough for caring for someone you don’t even know. And for spending extra time and effort for picking up my food deliveries because they are not allowed to go up my room; for assuring me that everything will be alright, knowing that I’ve been too nervous about “things” that have been going; for being masungit because I’m too makulit and always moving around without any assistance. For opening all my bottled water because my left hand doesn’t have the strength at all to open them.

Jhicelle, for bringing the things that I needed even though you are not feeling well that day.

Grace, for buying me my meds when I can’t have them delivered in my room, even though, I know you’re too busy with work.

Birang ❤️ thank you for spending overnight with me and for offering to bring in some of my clothes.

Sajid, my boss who is thousands of miles away from the PH but still managed to find a way to show his sweet gesture.

Abe, for requesting for my Philhealth requirements.

Arvin and Mami Jona, for the quick intro of what could happen (though it did not happen), it only made me soooo nervous! Hahaha!

For my Papa and Mama, just hearing your voice over the phone makes me feel a little better and a lot stronger.

For those who visited and for those who showed their concerns, thank you so much.

I wish my simple thank you notes are enough for all your goodness and for making me realize that it’s not that bad, at all, to ask for help.

Of course, a little self-love. Patting myself on the back, too, for being brave and strong.

And lastly, to our Lord God for this life I have right now.

[clicksandticks]

We Were Never An Almost

I took the risk of opening up my world for you to come in. It was never that easy, but I said to myself, maybe it’s worth the try. But you were too engrossed in your own world. So I took the risk of entering your world. It was never that easy, trying to fit in, but I said to myself, maybe it’s worth the try. But for every step I make towards you is also a step farther away from you.

[clicksandticks]

Dear future lover,

I just had my interview. I think I did not do well. The panel of interviewers were so intimidating. I wasn't able to answer them with the best that I can give. And since I just want to finish the interview, I gave up halfway. I gave up getting the role just because I don't want to stress myself over answering questions that are too far out my imaginations. I wish you are here to comfort me. I wish you are here to tell me that everything's gonna be alright and that I still did well and I still did a good job for even trying. I want you to be here to tap my back and calm my senses because I was too nervous. Or maybe you will invite me out and have some coffee over Starbucks near the office just so I can let go of all the heavy emotions that I had since applying for the post. I need you here and right now. I can still wait for you to come to me, patiently.. And always.

#dearfuturelover

[clicksandticks]

Dear future lover

Hi. Hope you are doing fine. I just had my brunch so I'm feeling kinda full right now. Went back to bed and I suddenly thought about you. How good it would have been if I have known you earlier. I badly needed someone to talk to. So I found my way out and talk about it here. I applied for a post in the same company, a job grade higher. And right now, just thinking about my first interview later this afternoon is so nerve-wracking. I don't know what to do. I have no idea what are they going to ask me. So I'll just pray to God for whatever answers that slips through my mind during the interview. The qualifications of my fellow applicant is 1 step ahead of me. So I'm not really expecting that big. I just tried. It's a win-win situation on both cases. If I didn't make it, I will still get to stay in the team. If I did make it, I will work with another team. A new environment, that is. Hope you are here to tell me that I can make it. That I'll do good in my interview. That even if I did not make it, I still have you. Or if I indeed make it, I will celebrate it with you. The only thing is, I did not meet you before this things happened, unfortunately. So, hurry now, my love. There are so many things I want to do with you. There are so many places we can go to together. There are so many life events that we could go through. I will promise to wait. Until you found your way home to me.

#dearfuturelover

[clicksandticks]

Oh yes! I'm the great pretender.

Today, I will teach you how to be a good pretender. Reminder: make sure that your mind and your heart are ready for this. This is quite a challenge. If you don't have a strong heart and an open mind, just stop at this point. This is not an easy task and may cause regret. First, wish him well. Tell him to enjoy and have fun and don't stay on social media and have a life outside and tell him to look for a hot chick to date while he's out. Even if you're secretly hoping that he'll stay in his phone and talk to you the whole time so he can't find anyone. Second. You instantly received a message from him and he said he actually met a hot chick and got some info and he typed in his name in her phone just to make sure she add him as a friend in facebook, and that he invited her out for some drinks later tonight. You said it was awesome and cool and how good it is for him. Even if you're secretly weeping inside and cursing destiny for making them meet at that moment. Third. Wait. Hope. Wait for his reply and hope that it was all a joke and he was just mind-reading you and testing your guts. Even if you know, it could happen and everything will finally be over between the two of you. Fourth. Make a back-up plan. Agree to meet someone and know him well. Who knows it will work out just fine for the two of you. Go out and meet someone. It's been a while. Because you stuck your heart for someone who isn't worthy of the love you have. For someone who don't even care about how you feel. You think about him a lot, does he even think about you? Did he ever, for once in his life, consider about how you feel about him? Fifth. It's high time to meet someone new. To find someone that you deserve. And give up the love that you have for him. Him who is always making you feel like you are not worthy to be loved. Give yourself another chance to love. But not him. Sixth. Forgive and forget. Forget about him. Forgive yourself for making a wrong choice of the person to love. Seventh. Be happy. I know it will take a long time. But make sure to be happy.

[clicksandticks]

Birthday Message

Dear self, Today is no more than a regular day, except that it is your birthday. I am glad of what and where you are right now. I can't say that I am fully satisfied but I am not disappointed either. In this life, there is no straight line towards success. It has its ups and downs but I am very proud of you for going through all these alone, with the guidance of the Lord and with a few help from your family that keeps you going and your friends that keep you grounded. Dream. You are a dreamer. Just dream. Because I know, if you dream too hard, you can make it happen. Love. Continue to love despite the pain. You'll get there. I know you are strong and independent, but sometimes, you have to believe that there's someone out there who is willing to take the risk and love you just the same. Stay the same. You don't have to try too hard to change yourself. You're beautiful no matter what. Society has come to terms with their own definition of what beauty is. But always remember this-there's nothing more beautiful than being yourself with a pure heart. Go wear that shirt and be comfortable; your feet will always thank you for wearing that rubber shoes; and who cares about wearing a backpack? Go look for an adventure and travel the world. It is what you want, right? Nothing should hinder you for doing what you love. There is always time for everything. But seeing the beauty of life cannot wait. Be free. Cross the oceans. Climb the mountains. Jump a cliff. Fly. Swim. Crawl. I don't care what you do with your life. As long as you are happy.... Yes, above all, be happy. You deserve to be happy. Nothing beats going home at night after a drink, and you go to bed and be so deeply fulfilled. You have a family that loves you so unconditionally. Be happy. That's the greatest gift you can give to yourself. Happy Birthday! Love, Self.

#hbd #notetoself

[clicksandticks]

To Love without Expecting

To love without expectation, you have to be okay with yourself. Okay with opening your doors, spreading your arms, baring your heart and understanding that not everyone is going to be gentle with it. You have to know that you can recover from those aches, that you can heal your own wounds, that you can trust yourself to walk away from the situations that do not grow or aid you.

Because here’s the thing about placing expectations on others: at the root of expectation is need. Need for others to accept you, to validate you, to tell you that you’re good and worthwhile and strong. And if you can do that for yourself - if you can live up to your own expectations and desires, then the need for other people to do so disappears. The need to bend over backwards, to accommodate others, to seek validation from those who do not deserve your heart, disappears.

Who to love and who to leave becomes simple..

and expectation slides out the window. 

[clicksandticks]

How To Be Single

#howtobesingle #alicekepley #dakotajohnson

[clicksandticks]

That moment where cannot keep to yourself how much you miss someone so you try to find a quote that perfectly matches how you feel inside. And then suddenly, it will make you a little sadder, a little weaker inside. Because even a quote cannot help you contain the emotions. And then you try a little harder again. But all the efforts are all wasted just because your mind doesn't want to but the heart still wants to. Who wins? I don't know. Cause following your heart will make you lose your mind, and following your mind will make your heart broken; both on losing end.

[clicksandticks]

I miss you. I really do. Sorry, i just felt the need to say it, even for the last time. Be good. Have fun.

[clicksandticks]

We WERE okay... We were okay. But you fade away in an instant. I guess that's how it goes when a love is not true. You can always let her go in an instant. I thought we were okay. But I guess that's how it goes.

[clicksandticks]

Here's to the guys that love us, the losers who lost us and the lucky bastards that get to meet us. 👊

[clicksandticks]

I said good night blah blah blah. You said night. Well... How sweet! 😏

#ThingsICannotTellYou #IfOnly

[clicksandticks]

[clicksandticks]

Some things are hard to write about. After something happens to you, you go to write it down, and either you over dramatize it or underplay it, exaggerate the wrong parts or ignore the important ones. At any rate, you never write it quite the way you want to. That is why, I read.👓📖📚🔖📝

[clicksandticks]

You know where to find me. I'll be here until you find your way to me.

[clicksandticks]

All set for the holiday break. Kept myself busy for today. Wrapped gifts, finished a book and then read another, cleaned my stuff and let go of those that I no longer needed. I was surprised to see some other useful stuff that I didn't know still exist. Being busy made my mind wander about other things, other than you. And for a while, I felt happy. I know it wont take long for me to realize that you just came to make me happy in a short while, with the intention of leaving me, when you feel like it. I know it is solely my fault that I'm feeling this way, about what happened. Because I hoped for something that does not exist, for something that isn't even there. But then again, life goes on. We learn from our mistakes. For the same mistakes. For the same reasons. I wish you well. Have a good life.