confusedjellybean

[confusedjellybean]

[texting]

Bruce: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste.

Damian: We got spring water.

Bruce: NO.

Jason: With EXTRA minerals.

Dick: It's like licking a stalagmite.

Bruce: DON'T COME HOME.

Tim: Mmm cave water.

[confusedjellybean]

Damian: Halloween is my favorite holiday.

Jon: Because of the costumes?

Damian: Because you can trespass on strangers' property and make non-negotiable demands.

[confusedjellybean]

Jason: Well, aren’t you sugar and spice and everything nice?

Dick: Well, aren’t you rudeness and sarcasm and everything... uh...

Jason: No, go on. You find something that rhymes with sarcasm and makes sense and I’ll stop acting like an asshole.

[confusedjellybean]

Carrie: *pulls out a switchblade*

Carrie: Alright, gang, let's do this!

Dick: Woah, since when do you carry a switchblade?!?

Carrie: It's a long story, Dick.

[earlier that week]

Carrie: *sees a switchblade in a store window*

Carrie: Neat.

[confusedjellybean]

[in battle]

Cassandra, trying to warn Duke: To the left!

Duke: Take it back now y'all.

[confusedjellybean]

Villain: What about your little girlfriend?

Jason: She could punch you through a wall

[confusedjellybean]

Damian: I see great pain in your future.

Tim: You're gonna hit me, aren't you?

Damian: Yes.

[confusedjellybean]

Jason and Y/N passing through the streets

Jason: You know you've won when you see your face everywhere.

Y/N: Those are wanted posters.

[confusedjellybean]

Jason: I know everyone's like "the only way to kill Dracula is a stake through the heart" but in modern times I think we should at least try hitting him with a very fast car.

[confusedjellybean]

Duke: Bruce, can you sign something for school?

Bruce, shaking his head: If I sign this, you're going to have to learn how to forge my signature. If you sign it from the start, you'll be able to sign whatever you want and they'll never know.

[confusedjellybean]

Alfred: Americans are always saying shit like garbage disposal and I-95.

Selina: Those are good names for a pair of orange cats.

[confusedjellybean]

Incorrect DC quotes

Y/N: Why are there bullet holes shaped like a sad face in my wall?

Jason: Cause I’m sad that I made you angry last night. 

Y/N: 

Y/N: WHY DID YOU USE A GUN TO TELL ME THAT?!

Jason: You told me that if I’m not good at verbalising my feelings I should find another way to do it. So I did this.

Y/N: Well, now I’m pissed off that I have to fix my fucking wall! How does that make you feel now, huh?

Jason: 

Jason: *points at the wall*

[confusedjellybean]

Jason: wow, you said you want me to die a second time??

Y/N: I literally said that I can’t “crush you with my thighs” because I have to go to work.

Jason: yeah? That’s what I said.

[confusedjellybean]

Y/N: We need to get through this locked door. Bruce, give me your credit card.

Bruce: Here.

Y/N, pocketing it: Thanks. Jason kick down the door.

[confusedjellybean]

Y/N: Hey, what's up?

Jason: Dick asked me for chapstick and I accidentally gave him a glue stick...

Y/N: ...

Jason: He's still not talking to me.

Damien, from the other room: *Hysterically laughing*

[confusedjellybean]

Jason: You should expect the unexpected-

Y/N: *Slaps Jason*

Jason: *Stares at Y/N, slowly blinking*

Y/N: Bet you didn't expect that, huh?

[confusedjellybean]

Jason: This is a mistake

Dick, enthusiastically: A mistake we're going to laugh about one day!

Jason: But not today

Dick, still enthusiastic: Oh, no. Today's going to be a mess