consulting-time-detective

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I just....I just learned that there's a word in the English language...for when you run into someone to hug them with all the enthusiasm and strength you have....I learned that it's called glomp.

My God, English has so many words to describe physical intimacy, I'm in love

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I’m fucking miserable.

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Stage of Grief #2: Anger, apparently.

Well, denial has vanished now. How do I even START.  It’s not even… it’s not even that you stole thousands of dollars in rent under the disguise of your many fucking lies, it’s that you really put a lot of effort into it. For months.

It just came naturally to you to take advantage (not maliciously, just instinctively) of how much I valued you as a friend, as someone I’ve known for 6 years, as someone who considered you one of the most important people in their life. Granted, that’s on me; you have no control over how much you mean to someone else, and you have no control over whether it is a mutually-invested friendship, that’s never anyone’s fault, least of all yours. But the point is, you KNEW.

And then, this year.

What exactly does one have to do to be put onto your fucking list of “friends whose unconditional trust I shouldn’t and wouldn’t ever try to fucking exploit because I respect them too much as people to even convince the idea that it’s even possible to use and take advantage of them as someone I know they value as a close friend, who I would never attempt to subject to any degree of elaborate lying, gaslighting, and manipulation and worthless dishonesty for almost half a year which I know I have the full capacity to do because I know how much they perceive me as their close friend”. 

Is there even a subconscious criteria. I’m guessing there must be, to some degree, I can’t imagine you’d risk doing such a thing to the friends you have now.

So, what was it about specifically me and our friendship (or lack thereof?) that made you feel even ABLE to do that, what was it about your assessment of me as a friend, as a person, as a housemate, and objectively as a person with reliable finances that ultimately decided how fucking worth the risk it was and, how little I must have actually meant to you, to make lying to me the better and absolute option, rather than simply telling the truth to someone who YOU KNEW already OFFERED and told you at multiple different times that they were OPEN AND WILLING to help you at any time you may need it, because they thought they could trust you should such a moment arise. 

I get it was an impulsive decision. I get that you made a bad call and decided to keep it going because of literally no reason other than “I don’t know”. I get that once it starts to go downhill, you just gotta keep with it.

This aftermath is just… so difficult. 

It’s the realisations.

The sheer number of elements in this year-long narrative: the months-long outgoing transfers “limit” resolution; multiple reassurances of mutual confusion and frustration, continuous fake ‘appointments’, ‘emails’, and ‘phone calls’; six-months worth of pretend frozen transfers; false written cheque acquisition, transfer, and it’s supposed submission; literal made-up quotes from in-bank appointments texted as “proof”; pretend “oh, thanks for the reminder, I’ll do it right now!” transfers on your iPad app in front if me; casual conversational in-joke references to a mutual experience of “haha, mis-transfers again”; the gaslighting before and after when I finally brought up legitimate suspicions; the falsified bounce-back and cancelled pending payments; and the ease at which you exploited my complete fucking utter trust in you the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME YOU WERE LYING THROUGH YOUR TEETH LOOKING ME DEAD IN THE EYE, FOR LITERAL MONTHS; and more; and then some.

Now what. 

From all this, you don’t need a reason to lie about something this heavily consequential or as you told me, you just don’t know why or what prompts you to. How do I come to terms with that. I defended you.

I’m envious of everyone who, whenever they interact with you, they don’t feel instinctively reminded to double-guess whatever you’re saying; I’m envious of everyone who, whenever they interact with you, are not reminded of how fucking disposable they turned out to be. I’m envious of your friends whose friendships you try to protect. I’m envious of the people who believe in you to do right by them, which for them, you make sure to do. I’m envious of the friends for whom you will make sure to be there whenever they need it, without needing a time schedule. I’m envious of the unconditional trust they’ve been given reason to have. I’m envious of the friends with whom you dedicated arduous amounts of time out of genuine interest and care, where I can quite confidently state that most amount of effort you put into our friendship this year revolved around constructing consistent, continuous fabrications to fucking protect yourself because being fucking honest was just not your instinctual choice. 

I’m envious of all your friends who will never, ever, experience this from you. 

“just don’t know” isn’t fucking enough, and you know it, but that’s all you’ve got.

#just let me process this #but honestly Michael #although admittedly that IS unfair because while there's an assumed correlation between friendship and what is considered impossible #that doesn't make our friendship less viable or existent prior to this moment #it just means it probably wasn't ... valuable enough to make it not worth the risk #?

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something: *is about race*

a white: don’t make this about race

#you can all get fucked #Trish especially #racist fucking piece of shit

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if you’re having a bad day, here’s a cute little marching band

#this is what I need to temporarily squash the complete fucking misery that's currently running havoc on everything

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#protect this

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do you ever want to gently float up to someone and whisper “this isn’t a debate; i am actually educated on the subject and i’m telling you you’re wrong”

#this resonates with me

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This is a resource post for all the Good White Person™s out there. You know, the ones who say things like “It’s not my fault I’m white! Don’t generalize white people!”, or “I’m appreciating your culture! You should be proud!”, or “Why do you hate all white people, look I’m a special snowflake who’s not racist give me an award for meeting the minimum requirements for being a decent human being”. Well, if you are actually interested in understanding racism and how it ties into cultural appropriation, please read instead of endlessly badgering PoCs on tumblr with your cliched, unoriginal arguments and repeating the same questions over and over.

On White Privilege aka don’t blame me just because I’m white:

It’s Not My Fault I Was Born White: Basics of White Privilege x

Racial Divide x

Endless Examples of White Privilege x

You Cannot Know What It’s Like To Be A Racial Minority x

Intersectional Feminism x

White Privilege Does Not Mean White People Have Perfect Lives x

White Privilege and White Supremacy: A Presentation x

You Will Never Experience Racism x

Understanding White Privilege x

White Privilege and Double Standards x

Systematic White Ignorance x

The Invisibility of White Privilege x

The Luxury of White Privilege x

White Privilege: The Harry Potter Analogy x

Privilege Denial Bingo x

Privilege and Cost x

Check Your Privilege 101 x

Whiteness x

Whiteness is Not A Culture x

White Privilege and Racism x

Deeply Embarrassed White People Talk About Race x

When White Anti Racists Talk About ~Their Struggle~ x

White Privilege As A System x

On Reverse Racism aka you are being racist against white people:

Are White People Racially Oppressed x

White People, the new Racial Minority x

People Don’t Value Pale Skin!! x

There Is No Such Thing As Reverse Racism x

Racism vs. Not Racism x

But White People Are Discriminated Against In Foreign Countries x

The Myth of Reverse Racism: Why Cracker is Not N**** x

Satire: A Step Wise Guide on Being Reverse Racist x

Racism Against White People vs. Racism Against POCs x

On Cultural Appropriation aka I’m just appreciating your culture:

The Basics x

Identifying Appropriation x

But When We Wear It … x

Why Can’t I Wear It (Hipster Headdresses) x

Not Yours x

If You Take The Bindi x

White People Do It Better x

Multiculturalism and Appropriation x

Cultural Appropriation and Portrayals In Print Media x

Diminishing the Cultural Significance of the Bindi x

The Cultural Appropriation Bingo x

Why We’re Fed Up of Your Responses x

Identities Are Not Costumes x

Hinduism And Appropriation x

Religion and Privilege x

Bindis Are Cool x

Exotic India x

What’s Wrong With Cultural Appropriation x

Racism, Bindis and Ganesh Tattoos x

BUT YOU’RE SPEAKING ENGLISH! x

Cultural Appropriation Trolls x

Guide to Being An Appropriating Douchefuck x

New Age ~Culture Mixing~ x

In case you’re tired of the prose, here’s poetry x

Why You Shouldn’t Wear A Bindi x

Appropriating and Sharing x

Our Culture is A Punchline Until It’s a Trend x

Homage Or Insult x

Tattoos and Appropriation x

Bollywood is Not Synonymous With Indian x

College Party Costumes and Stereotypes x

Dotheads x

Bindis and Racist Humour x

Hindu Iconography x 

Misuse of Hindu Iconography x

Your Appreciation Doesn’t Help Us x

Assorted Vials of White Tears and Miscellaneous Antidotes aka I can’t change that I’m white/not all whites are racist/we are all humans:

Unoriginal Arguments Refuted x

Quick Checklist: You Might Be Racist If x

Your Opinion Isn’t Necessary x

I’m Not Responsible For My Ancestors x

The Kumbayah Myth x

Proud to Be White x

Good White Person x

We Don’t Hate White People x

Brutality of Colonialism And Why You Can’t Tell Us To Forget the Past x

People Who Claim Not To See Race Are More Likely to Be Racist x

All Races are Beautiful Said the White Girl x 

Race Blindness Is A Luxury x

Well, You’re Racist For Calling Me Racist x

I’ve Read About Its Significance, I Know What It Means

Angry Because Someone Called You Racist x

We’re Not All Like That x

People Only Care About This Trivial Shit On The Internet x

I Can’t Apologize for Being Born White, It’s Not My Fault x

Why Can’t You Tell Me What I’m Doing Wrong x

It’s Easy to Be Color Blind When You’re White x

A Diagrammatic Guide To White Tears x

Conversations I’m Sick Of Having With White People x

Why Do You Hate White People x

I’m Trying To Be Cultured x

Sisyphean Conundrum x

What is Your Problem x

We Are All Human, We All Bleed Red x

It’s Just A Bindi x

How Not To Respond To Accusations of Racism x

I’m Italian And 0.009% Native American x

What White People Think Racism Means: A Venn Diagram x

White Guilt x

White Pride!!!111!!! x

I Like *Insert Foreign Country* I Want To Live There x

You Have So Much Hate, Fighting Fire With Fire Won’t Help x

BooHoo, Don’t Call Me Racist x

Not Everything Ended With Your Ancestors x

The Racist Reaction x

I Don’t See Why That Is Racist x

Crummy Apologies x

Okay. I agree. I’ve been socially conditioned not to notice racism and recognize my privilege. What can I do?

Listen x

A Step Wise Guide x

I don’t care about this bullshit; you’re making a big deal out of nothing, go home and delete your blog:

The Clueless White Person Bus x

#fuck you trish nankivell

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A white: but saying Asians are naturally smart is POSITIVE discrimination:)))

Me: The model minority myth was invented by whites as a tool of antiblackness to create divisions between communities of color and prove that ‘anyone can succeed in America if they just TRY hard enough!!1!’ thereby implying that antiblackness is black ppl’s own fault for not TRYING enough. Additionally, it relies on false interpretations of data and hurts the opportunities of all Asians, particularly less privileged ones, and dehumanizes Asians by furthering stereotypes of us as some kind of innately robot-like monolithic-minded hive, devalues our individual accomplishments and uses us as a tool to further antiblackness

#Once again Trish N can go get fucked the filthy disgusting racist that she is

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#this reminds me of lawn cat #the cat that we drove past on our way back from the university library #it was just sitting there outside the Amenities building in the middle of the lawn #it was doing the bread loaf cat #in the middle of the lawn #lawn cat at 3:30am after hours of studying was a wonderful experience #god bless lawn cat

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I have been making webcomics of this quality every day for over a year now

#i wholeheartedly agree

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this website pisses me off, everyones always like “space is so cool!” not its not, space is bullshit and i hate everything about it, i genuinely just saw the phrase “a black hole with a mass two billion times the mass of the sun” im so pissed off, shut the fuck up, dont patronise me scientists you know i dont know what the fuck that means, my sad little brain cant comprehend the mass of one sun let alone two fucking billion, i cant even count past 10 without getting confused and youre out here talking about the mass of two billion fucking suns, shut the hell up. and dont even get me started about black holes or the expansion of the universe because thats another two seperate rants entierly. oh and apparently theres a planet made of ice except the ice is also on fire??? yeah sure fucking thing, scientists. and this is just the shit i know about. i purposely dont research space because it pisses me off so much, god knows what other fucking bullshit exists out there that ive yet to read a fucking wikipedia article about. i dont think space is real, literally everything about space is so fucking fake, this is just some elaborate fucking practicle joke. two billion times the mass of the sun, fuck you

#space and the ocean are fucking lies

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Like, 90% of infomercial style products were designed by/for disabled people, but you wouldn’t know that, because there is no viable market for them. THey have to be marketted and sold to abled people just so that any money can be made of off them and so the people who actually need them will have access.

I think snuggies are the one example almost everyone knows. They were invented for wheelchair users (Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a coat on and off of someone in a wheelchair? Cause it’s PRETTY FUCKIN HARD.) But now everyone just acts like they’re some ~quirky, white people thing~ and not A PRODUCT DESIGNED TO MAKE PEOPLES DAY TO DAY LIVES 10000X EASIER.

But if at any point you were to take your head out of your own ass and go “Hey, who would a product like this benefit,” that would be really cool.

#that's a lot of sense

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This is a matter very close to my heart. I have bipolar I disorder and ADHD as a result of bipolar. There aren’t many big posts about studying with mental illnesses so I figured I would compile a huge list of tips and posts! I’m going to be making a video about this very soon. I hope for all of you struggling that this can help or at least remind you that mental health is more important than school sometimes. Take care of yourself in any way you can. lets get started…

Studying with Mental Illness

Take things slowly. Don’t be afraid to take a week doing one assignment. Making sure that you can focus on assignments can be draining so breaking them down day by day can truly help you. Make a task list with each portion of an assignment mapped out so that you can see exactly what you need to do. I know that i get overwhelmed very easily and seeing smaller things is less daunting then having a list full of HUGE things like research papers and midterms. Seeing it as “write paragraph one” or “review unit one vocab” makes everything less scary. 

Nothing has to be pretty. Notes don’t, papers don’t have to be perfect, study guides don’t need to be colorful and cute. What really matters is getting things done. My mom always tells me “even an F is better than a zero” which is so true. Turning things in late is not shameful because you are still turning it in. You still did it and that is something to be proud of. 

Study somewhere other than your room or your house. Make sure there are people there. Surrounding yourself with others will allow you to feel less isolated and sometimes more motivated to do things. You can’t take naps when you’re at a Panera or Starbucks either. People can be motivating, they can remind you that you are not alone, they can hold you accountable for what you have to do. Get out of your bed where you can sit and stare at the wall and go to a coffee shop or the library where other people are doing work. This always helps me get on track. 

Study in short bursts. Don’t wear yourself out with work. Find out when your concentration peaks and go with that. I usually work the best around 2pm so I have to make sure that I have eaten and showered before then so that I can capture that time to focus on my studies. 

Don’t beat yourself up. Studying just takes a lot more effort other days when depression hits you the worst. There might be days when you can barely get yourself out of bed but know that you do have the ability to succeed and that depression just has to suck sometimes. 

Get yourself out of bed. Shower. Change your clothes. Read a single page. Look at only one thing you have to do so you aren’t overwhelmed. That is something to be proud of and know that I am proud of what you did!

Study in a routine style. Let yourself have a routine that you can fall into. Try pomodoros or study games, Create a routine that you can stick to

If you don’t feel like doing anything… work for 5 minutes. You may feel more motivated or up, or you will at least be able to say that you have done something. 

HYDRATE. I’m really awful at drinking a lot of water, but it helps so much with both anxiety and depression. Water keeps you moving and awake. SO drink that H2O guys

Helpful Links

Staying Sane on Campus

Tips to stay mentally and emotionally healthy while you study

How to school when mentally Ill

A student’s guide to coping with PTSD

Study and Mental Health 

Back to School with Mental Illness

Depression

Studying with Depression

Depression study tips

Studying through Depression

6 Tips To Get Motivated When You’re Feeling Depressed

Five Ways To Deal With Depression During Exams

Anxiety

Anxiety in Grad school

Dealing with Stress and Anxiety

Studying with Anxiety

Get Ready for School If You Suffer From Anxiety

Living & Studying with Anxiety

Tips on studying with Anxiety

Exams & Anxiety

ADHD

How to succeed with ADHD

10 Study tips for ADHD students

ADHD Studyblr masterpost

Apps for ADHD Students

I couldn’t find any resources about OCD, BPD, PTSD (found one jk), or bipolar for that fact so keep on the lookout for any additions to this post if I find anything more! If all else fails, just google things. That always helps me. Message me personally if you have any questions about my struggles or need some specific advice! I love you all so much and I am so proud of you!! xx Haley

UPDATE: I’ve added quite a few new links!!! 

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The “REAL [parent]” trope

You know that trope where an adopted person finds out who their biological parent is, and the writer keeps using the term “REAL [parent]”? Yeah, it’s super gross, and I wish it would stop. 

It devalues adopted parents, step parents, legal guardians, and parental figures, and puts all the emphasis on biology, which is a terrible message to give to non-biological parents, AND to their kids. It’s also a terrible message to give people who’s biological parents are terrible parents. It also often perpetuates the narrative that parents somehow own their children, when it’s used in scenarios where a parent gave up or lost custody of their child, and now wants custody back on no other basis than a biological “right” to the child.

The importance and value a parent has in a person (or character’s) life should be determined by the effect they have on their child, not genetics. A biological parent is not more “REAL” than any other type of parent, ESPECIALLY if they’ve been absent for much/most of the child/person’s life, and it’s genuinely awful to perpetuate the harmful narrative that they are. 

#fuck all of you from grade three and upwards in primary school

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That thing about how cats think humans are big kittens is a myth, y’know.

It’s basically born of false assumptions; folks were trying to explain how a naturally solitary animal could form such complex social bonds with humans, and the explanation they settled on is “it’s a displaced parent/child bond”.

The trouble is, cats aren’t naturally solitary. We just assumed they were based on observations of European wildcats - but housecats aren’t descended from European wildcats. They’re descended from African wildcats, which are known to hunt in bonded pairs and family groupings, and that social tendency is even stronger in their domesticated relatives. The natural social unit of the housecat is a colony: a loose affiliation of cats centred around a shared territory held by alliance of dominant females, who raise all of the colony’s kittens communally.

It’s often remarked that dogs understand that humans are different, while cats just think humans are big, clumsy cats, and that’s totally true - but they regard us as adult colonymates, not as kittens, and all of their social behaviour toward us makes a lot more sense through that lens.

The like to cuddle because communal grooming is how cats bond with colonymates - it establishes a shared scent-identity for the colony and helps clean spots that they can’t easily reach on their own.

They bring us dead animals because cats transport surplus kills back to the colony’s shared territory for consumption by pregnant, nursing, or sick colonymates who can’t easily hunt on their own. Indeed, that’s why they kill so much more than they individually need - it’s not for fun, but to generate enough surplus kills to sustain the colony’s non-hunting members.

They’re okay with us messing with their kittens because communal parenting is the norm in a colony setting, and us being colonymates in their minds automatically makes us co-parents.

It’s even why many cats are so much more tolerant toward very small children, as long as those children are related to one of their regular humans: they can tell the difference between human adults and human “kittens”, and your kittens are their kittens.

Basically, you’re going to have a much easier time getting a handle on why your cat does why your cat does if you remember that the natural mode of social organisation for cats is not as isolated solitary hunters, but as a big communal catpile - and for that purpose, you count as a cat.

#this is the best news I've heard all week thank