cosmohyunji

[cosmohyunji]

Movies

Watched a movie, simple favor because it looked short and light.

It was casual watching, skipping most of the movie. However, I was reminded why I don't like to watch movies anymore. Movies and fictions and the plot that are contained are the expressions of the wishes and messages of the creator. The higher the quality, the higher the contents of the well-thought-through messages, and the lower the quality, the higher the contents of unfiltered desires such as unreasonable atrocities and sexual content. The messages contained in the visual media are getting increasingly narcissistic and extreme without major pushback from society, which is worrisome. I'm passively engaging in the flow against it by not watching movies and shows anymore for more than 10yrs now.

This movie's message of lust, jealousy, exclusion, and backstabbing was clear. The main character is an apologetic, unpopular, unattractive single mom living in a humble apartment, and the other main character is Emily, everything opposite of Anna, a mom working for the most sought-after fashion company, a straight shooter, rich, married to a famous author Sean whom Anna admires. They become friends, then almost bankrupt Emily and Sean organize a 4M insurance scheme with fake missing of Emily. Fast forward, Anna, all innocent but with insatiable sexual desire, who started a physical relationship with Sean right after Emily's fake body was found, is granted access to Emily's family business, taking Emily down. At first, she cared for Emily, then she lusted over her husband, was fallen in love with him, turned into a new alpha woman, and attacked her. Her care for Emily is nothing more than admiration, easily turned into possession and jealousy when given the opportunity. Don't we have enough suffering in this world?

We watch movies and shows to satisfy our inner desire, whether primitive or sophisticated. This movie would have satisfied someone who resonates with the main protagonist and has a similar desire. However, finding the one that fits you is statistically rare without watching the movie and investing some minutes watching it. In this day and age, where I type keywords in search engines to find what I want, movie-watching is not my preferred pastime.

[cosmohyunji]

Hello Texas!

A short review of the trip.

A reminder of the canons.

You can't change the person, but you can change their attitude, and it takes hella work.

No one, just no one, survives a rant of a toddler.

Focus on the most important task of the day, do it right, and let the rest of the day flow through

[cosmohyunji]

I felt calmer and more focused on using every minute I had up until the exam. My goal was one thing. Cover every single material given at least once, 100%, no matter how trivial and detailed it was.

[cosmohyunji]

Last day of anatomy this semester. Everything went well and the weather was nice. We were all taking kind of slow.

[cosmohyunji]

Today's Daily Motion

Makes me wonder.

This house prefers a world in which all individuals who have achieved a middle-class standard of living choose to pursue the highest level of achievement in their chosen career, rather than a wold in which those individuals priorities day-to-day enjoyment over work. Mexico WUDC 2018

[cosmohyunji]

It's nice to be born because I experienced love from my daughter.

[cosmohyunji]

Grit

The number one rule of grit is to get things done day in and day out, ready or ready not.

[cosmohyunji]

Sunday, the beginning of beautiful fall, my baby love is sick

The title says it all. J was sick and it pains me to see her having difficulty breathing.

Thinking back to the last anatomy lab. It was so wonderful. Opening up the body and see where your heart is.

I'm returning to studying, and things are starting to get clearer and more organized. I'm pretty excited about the notion Wikipedia page of my own medical knowledge

[cosmohyunji]

I really enjoy studying. I really do.

[cosmohyunji]

Julia, soon to be 3 in Sept, took my book and start reading it which surprised me. *She was not actually able to read the sentence but just read by saying whatever*

" The night is young~ and I am not tired and can't go to sleep now."

What in the world??

mommy was surprised. Where did you learn the expression?

Also, I sang I love you song I made while hugging mama. She was and will be happy

[cosmohyunji]

Judie

I don't know her full name. Judie always read books. When I first saw her, she was reading a book. She was almost always alone reading a book. I always thought she likes reading and didn't want to be bothered. As I get close to other seniors who are more outspoken, I reminded myself to look out for those who are quieter and introverted. Last week, I had a conversation with her for the first time. Judie was sitting with Vere and Charlie but her eyes were fixated on the book as always. I decided to ask her about the book.

"Judie, what are you reading?"

"Hmm?"

"What is the title of the book you're reading?"

"Southern lights"

"What is it about?"

"Ah, I don't know. I don't know."

She flapped the pages around. I was taken aback by her response. It didn't hit me till then that she might be 'faking' her reading. How can it be possible? She was reading for hours. She was always reading. I moved on by asking Charlie about the book he likes. We had an interesting conversation about the wars, Putin, Churchill, and the factors that contributed to who they are today and in the past. I turned my head occasionally to check on Judie. She was listening to our conversation with her gaze upon Charlie.

A week later, today at the daycare center, I found Judie reading a book. The same book, Southern Lights and Danielle Steel. I did not ask further. It was time for an exercise. I stood between Judie and Bob. I was surprised that Judie came to exercise with us. Her movement was frail but she was engaged. She did not have enough energy to lift her arm so she used her wrist and hand most of the time. I wished that we have a personal physical trainer who can go around and give personalized attention to each one of them. I made comments on the movements of the course and she nodded in agreement. I moved to the back of the class and made sure everyone has good access to the screen and had enough space between chairs. I really wished that we have chairs without the arm so that they can free the degrees of movement of their arms.

The exercise was over. We moved on to watching Sing-a-long videos. After a couple of Bing Crosby and Patti Page songs, we landed on the video of an activity coordinator with a pug and a warm bright smile. She made an opening remark before singing a song.

"Thank you for watching my video. I want you to know you are loved, you are cared and most importantly you are not forgotten."

I was thinking to myself sarcastically, 'but you don't know who we really are.' However, after a phrase or two into her song, I saw Judie.

I don't know whether I was able to catch the sentiment on her face. Her face was blushed, and she had the most facial expression I have ever seen. I was over-confident. I thought I knew the destructive regime of going through the motions. I don't know what it means to be feeling forgotten or afraid of being forgotten in the endless mundane daily routine of being alone.

Mary-Ellen, a new lovely lady with a beautiful set of big eyes, had a visitor during sing-a-long who came to give her medication. Her husband told me that he has two grandchildren adopted from China. He tapped her cheek and said, "I love you," before heading back to his car. She had a look of desperation in her eyes which looked fairly familiar. They were the eyes of Bob when asking when his wife was coming back to pick him up and the eyes of Jim, who teared up thinking about how much he missed his daughter, his caretaker at home. They were the eyes of Julia, my daughter, who didn't want to be left in the daycare, parting from me. Mary-Ellen grabbed my arm, still looking outside the window, and told me they were married 62yrs. I knew all I could do was to find common ground between them and me. And there always is.

"I'm married for 10yrs this year," I said.

"It takes lots of work."

"Yes, it does."

#adult daycare

[cosmohyunji]

Responsibility of a Mother, Duty as a Mother

With my mom, it’s a constant battle between pushing her limit so that she can learn by doing and not being discouraged by the difficulties of the tasks. Well, pain is the best teacher and what doesn’t kill you make you stronger. I must have faith in it. I will not budge a bit till she gets it. It’s never too late to learn and for her volunteering to be my mother, she is in whether she likes it or not.

[cosmohyunji]

My help at Adult Day Center

J: J was genuinely shocked when he found out that I am married with a kid. He was moved with the emotions, saying that he thought I was a nice girl and wanted to marry me. (...) but he said he is happy that I’m taken. Of course I was a little... surprised.

JoA: She is retracting... she takes more and more cat naps. I saw her husband. He rushed out to the door after asking me to get her a cup of coffee. I understand it’s tough for the caregivers and this is not a reflection of their love but I felt a little sad nonetheless. Cass said that she used to be an artist. JoA couldn’t keep herself awake

Ken: He is more interactive with the people. You can find him sitting amongst people, not standing around by himself, looking nervously at others. However, later Jol told me that his family is looking for facility for him cause even with his daughter and son’s care, it has gotten to be too much. He is incontinent, so... I understand. It’s basically diapering and feeding all over again. Changing your parent’s diaper or anyone is not easy. You wish you can delegate to someone else.. Change of one diaper by someone else was a big support, I remember. do I love my parents enough so that I can change their diaper when they are not cooperative? would my daughter love me enough that she would change my diaper when it needs to?

Don: poor Don had a stroke early last week. He has gotten so mean in the house towards his wife that the staff told me that the family is looking for the facility for him. I remember seeing his sweet, frail and loving wife. It must be very hard for her to take care of her husband. His nails were so long. I wish I get to have chance to clip his nail for him before he goes to facility. It pains me to see long and sometimes dirty nails of the seniors.. It’s clear to me that I will definitely start campaign of clipping nails for all of them in coming weeks. 

Jen: She is new! oh she has the most childlike, pure eyes and the way of talking and asking questions. I thoroughly enjoyed my interaction with her. She was a little confused when we were painting, not knowing or not sure of her next step. It reminded me so much of little kids. She did not know whether to paint the petal of sunflower with black or yellow. I told her to use any color she wants. Her sunflower art at the end was the most beautiful and abstract art I have ever seen in my life. The process of her creation was so organic, experimental and I couldn’t believe how beautiful her mind was which was reflected in her art in such a short period of time. She also knew that very well. She said, “I think it is beautiful.” Oh yes, it is, Jen!! Only regret I has was that I didn’t give her a hug before I left. 

Bob: I remember vividly how tearful he was during the exercise last time, looking for his wife and talking to himself that she will come soon to pick him up. I sat next to him during exercise and watched him carefully. He looked very sad and I asked, “Are you tired? Are you said? Do you miss your wife?” for each subsequent question he said yes. I rubbed his back saying that she will come back soon. I asked him about his upbringing at the farm when he was young. He said that he and his sister had to work 7 days a week on the field in the summer, fixing fences and equipment in the winter. When I asked him whether he would choose to grow up if he have a choice and he said yes. He would. He said he would not exchange the experience with anything else.

It was very meaningful time interacting with them. It definitely led me deep reflections and mitigated my reaction to the phone call I received in the afternoon that I got into the medical school.

#volunteering memorycare

[cosmohyunji]

I am

not the strongest person I want to be, now. But my strength lies in moving forward everyday.

[cosmohyunji]

Meaning of School... or Learning

It’s in fact all about learning how to teach and share the information effectively and enhance the efficacy and the accuracy of the information that humankind need to survive. So when you learn, it is essential to think about its place in the world and in your life. Learning carries the responsibility of the learner. When you possess the information, you have power to change and manipulate something further from there. When you learn something, you are given the responsibility to enhance it and share it. The knowledge pass through us and we are the vehicle for the enhancement. For the knowledge to keep coming to us, we need to prove and prep ourselves worthy of coming in, to become more effective transferer and enhancer of the knowledge. Knowledge/information is not a mean to get a materialistic reward or assurance for safety. We need to become the best knowledge absorber for the sake of humanity and the world will reward you. 

Keep asking “Why this is relevant?” You must have drive. You can’t even put a string of information unwittingly because you are not passionate. You have to go after the information and information should fit right into the space you designated in your brain that completes the picture of the answers you were looking for. 

[cosmohyunji]

Oh I'm so obsessed with " Attack on Titan." There I realized that you look the best when you're doing what you're really good at. It doesn't matter what you wear, put on your face or your hairstyle. You look sexy as af when you are doing something you're really really good at.

[cosmohyunji]

Connection

I went to see elders at Agrace Day Center for the second time. It was much better seeing the same people that I am familiar with today. Sitting on the table with the elders, exchange pleasantries, and even initiating the conversation were not that difficult. 

Jim cried twice while we were talking about his trip and friends he made. I remember Virgil Fox, who called Jim as his grandson.

Joanne, after I told her how time passes too fast after looking at the color version of ‘breaking home ties.’, said to me, “it indeed goes by fast.” And she closed her eyes with the faint smile.