courtneyleeyogini
Yogi's Choice
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My practice in patience... a birth story
My mantra these past few weeks (errr, let’s be real, these past few months!), has been to “practice patience.” Unfortunately, that’s something that has never come very easily to me. The last days of my pregnancy were so trying. The discomfort was extreme, making sleep almost impossible, but more specifically what overwhelmed me was the anxiety that came from everybody asking me, “When’s the baby coming?” (as though I had a crystal ball). Their shocked reactions that she wasn’t here yet, often made me feel like I was doing something wrong. (Ironically, I was told by literally dozens of people, including three astrologists, that I wouldn’t make it to my due date. Ha!) Initial shock at me being overdue, was usually followed by advice about what I needed to do to get her to come out. Most if not all of these suggestions were unsolicicted, but apparently, I did internalize them just enough to allow it all to mess with my expectations. I know everyone is well intentioned, but boy do they have a lot of opinions to offer up! I did my best to try and follow all the ‘good advice’ on how to induce labor naturally; walk (check), get acupuncture (check), have sex (check), eat tons of pineapple (check), dates (check), spicy food (check) and even ate a very special salad only found in Studio City, but at 41 weeks I was still in a full on waiting game. Over the next days I continued with the acupuncture, did visualizations and meditated a ton and of course got a prenatal massage with focus on acupressure in the feet. My man, Ben, even made me the “hypnobirthing” recipe for eggplant parmesan!
While it all felt good and tasted quite delicious... still...no baby. At 41 weeks and 6 days, we saw our doctor again who confirmed that it was time to induce. The baby was big, (measuring about ten pounds) and my placenta, while still looking healthy, was not getting any younger. All my dreams of a completely unmedicated birth were starting to seem unlikely...
From the doctors office we went straight to UCLA birth center and for 52 hours we tried and tried ...and tried everything and I mean everything we could (I’ll spare you most of the dirty details). I’ll just say that laboring for two full days without an epidural is one of the hardest things l’ve ever done. It was at some point into hour 50 that we all had to come together and make the call to have a c-section. This was the absolute last thing I had ever wanted in my birth plan, but here it was. Baby girl’s heart rate was decelerating periodically and I was not dilating nearly enough, it had become purely an issue of safety. Everyone just kept saying “healthy mom, healthy baby” and while I knew they were right, I wanted to scream! At some point, it finally sunk in, this might be the only way she was coming out; she just wasn’t budging!
The procedure was truly surreal. Thankfully the team of doctors and nurses were calm and composed and carried on chatting casually, (which while it felt strange was also a good sign that nothing was going wrong). Thankfully the anesthesiologist gave me the play by play on what specifically was happening so I felt included in this crazy process of being cut open. While it’s relatively painless in the moment, you are very much awake and in a sense you do feel whats happening... it’s all such a bizarre experience and then boom, only a half hour or so later, there she was, our beautiful baby girl, Ms. Maya Lee.
As many of you reading this may know, the recovery from a long induction and urgent c-section is a rough road. IV fluids for days led to the biggest “cankles” I could imagine on my usually thin legs. The lack of mobility was a shock to my system, especially trying to hold and nurse a nearly ten pound newborn, and of course the postpartum hormones were like riding an emotional rollercoaster that made previous experiences with pms seem tame. Having said all of that, like almost everyone tells you, It is all completely worth it.
Nothing has been easy through this process, but it has been humbling and heart opening and I am overjoyed to have my little lady in my life. She is already full of light, love and tons of personality. I can tell she is a truly unique spirit that is continuuing to teach me about myself and the world on a daily basis. She will forever be my biggest reminder to let go of set plans and ideals and simply tap into patience without expectation and for that, I am so very grateful.
Connect with me through courtneyharmsyoga.com or practice with me online through yogisanonymous.com
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Musings of an expectant mama...
I have spent the greater part of this past year pregnant. Between a late miscarriage last Fall and now approaching the 27th week of my second pregnancy, I have become very familiar with what it is to be 'with child.' I am beyond grateful that I conceived easily both times and I am so hopeful that this time around a beautiful baby will become a part of my family in January. With that said, none of the past year has been easy. Experiencing such a devastating loss brings extra stress to every appointment and every test feels like a triumph. Consequently, I have begun to approach life minute by minute, more than ever. I have learned that taking a big breath and assuming the best is imperative; especially, when faced with all of the feedback and advice that is thrown your way as an expecting mother. Statements like “and now life really begins," "you’ll finally know what real love feels like" and "welcome to the club," are constants. Not to mention the endless advice and list of opinions on how to parent, how to give birth, how to live my life while pregnant, etc. People have even gone as far as to let me know that perhaps my miscarriage was somehow my fault. (In this case, they are trying to create simple answers when sometimes there are none, I get it ...it’s all pretty ridiculous, but still so very hurtful.)
During my first pregnancy, and especially in the time after the miscarriage the exclusionary language of parenthood became so blaring. For those who have lost a child or who can't have babies or who have chosen not to, these statements are insensitive and imply that their love is not as "real" or that their life has "never really begun." We all know it takes a village to raise children. In fact, we all "mother" in some way at some time in life, whether the child be biological or not. We fulfill this role as a sister, an auntie, a teacher, a friend. Having a child may bring on the "welcome to the club" response from other parents, but I know that, for me, my club doesn't discriminate: non-parents are definitely welcome!
So often, people operate in auto-pilot, assuming that as the "amazing parent" they are, that they have the exact answer or piece of advice that others need in a particular moment. This is not to say that all the moms and dads out there don’t have a unique point of you. In fact, in some ways it’s just the opposite, they absolutely do, but it is not necessarily better, it’s just different. Watching this unfold first hand has caused me to really evaluate when and where I volunteer my opinion. Instead of just offering up advice, I try to discern when speaking out is key and when listening is really what's needed. In truth, there is so much we have to learn from one another whether that person is a parent or not. When we let each other shine and experience people as they are, that's where the real magic happens and our own unique little village is created!
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Butterfly potential...
All too often, we find ourselves “put into a box,” by our family, old friends, co-workers and even society at large. How we once were (or at least were perceived) continues to define “who we are” now. Despite the fact that we have evolved out of a certain type of behavior or being, we are continued to be judged by our past actions. I find that the longer someone has known you, the more likely they are to see you as your ‘old self.’
The need to categorize and compartmentalize seems to be an inherent part of human behavior. Whether its as simple as filling out a form, (check male or female, choose black, white or other etc.) or attempting to explain the complexity of ourselves within a short résumé or biography, it becomes easy to believe (and for others to assume) that we are at least in part defined by these problematic descriptors. It’s as though we find the need to boil things down to there simplest form, even though they are much more complex than we’d like to believe.
Similarly, an unpleasant character moment exposed within a difficult time, conversation or argument, can continue to overshadow the vastness of who we are and who we may become. It doesn’t seem to matter if we have had a dozen or more positive interactions with someone, after that one uncomfortable one, they tend to view us through the negative filter of that 'less than perfect’ exchange. It’s as though they have been waiting for a way to simplistically define our character and as soon as that moment of weakness arises they are ready to say, “Well now I know who they really are.” It is important to remind ourselves that just because a friend, family member or even a co-worker tells you “how you are” or “who you are,” you don’t have to believe them. When someone’s perception of you, doesn’t resonate with who you know yourself to be, it’s important to slow down and to breathe deeply. For it is in this moment of reflection that we can attempt to quiet that inner doubt, that so often echoes these limiting definitions of who we are.
In truth, we are all works in progress and we all deserve the time, space and freedom to continue to grow and evolve. Its easy to imagine yourself or others in that simplified “box.” When we do this, we are keeping ourselves in 'caterpillar form,’ all cocooned up in a fixed state. This reductive thinking feels safe at times, perhaps it even feels easier to digest. However, through self reflection, meditation, a yoga practice, artistic expression and good old fashioned work, we all have the ability to blossom into much more complex beings. We all have the ability to change for the better. We all have butterfly potential!
Namaste y’all! Connect with me online at www.courtneyharmsyoga.com
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Strength in diversity
For the past few months, I have been co-leading the Studio Surya Yoga teacher training in Venice Beach, California. A group of eleven yoga students of all ages, from all over the world, came together for one common goal; to be immersed in the healing science of yoga.
At a time when things are arguably more divisive than ever, socially and politically, we created what Sanskrit calls a 'sangha,' what we would refer to as a community. Within this relatively small group of people, Switzerland, Slovakia, the Czech Republic, Ecuador, Mexico, and even South Carolina 😉 were all represented! Despite our differences, large and small, we continued to dig deeper academically, physically, and emotionally to find common ground around our shared love and respect of yoga and each other.
'Yoga' translates loosely to mean union. The union of mind, body and spirit. This union goes beyond the mat and beyond the individual. The simple acknowledgment that we are all united together by our shared human experience, can do wonders to shifting an otherwise fixed perspective. This basic recognition of our commonalities helps to reveal that there is much more that binds us together than divides us apart. Through 'prana,' which is the idea of 'life force' (the breath being the prime example of this) we are literally connected as we all share the same oxygen that sustains us as humans. As we continue to practice shedding the layers of ego that often define our social identities, the heart's truth is what remains, raw and undeniable. That, in fact, no matter what, we are all in this together.
The current world climate has encouraged an "us vs. them" mentality. This dangerous and false notion, that we are all constantly in competition with each other, keeps us divided, distracted and constantly fighting. How often do you find yourself thinking or even saying something like, "they just don’t understand because... "they are rich", "they are too young", "they are single", "they aren't a parent", etc.? While we all experience the world uniquely, perhaps that person you see yourself at odds with does understand and appreciate your side/situation more than you know. This false divide, we perpetuate through nationality, race, gender, relationship status, parent/non-parent, religious vs. secular, republican vs. democrat, needs to stop! Can we as human beings live a life bigger than ourselves? Can we apply the golden rule indiscriminately? Can we stay true to our own ideology, while still being open to other's opinions and perspectives? I certainly think we can at least do a whole lot better...
We have all felt pain. We all know what it is to be sad, we've all experienced feeling invisible at times, we have all experienced betrayal by a family member, a friend, a lover, or a boss. We've all gone through various hardships. Embracing the commonality of simply being human is more important than anything that could ever separate us. Harnessing this awareness of each other as a community, can help to lighten the inevitable suffering that each and every one of us will go through in life...
Thank you teacher training yogis, for this very sweet reminder of how interconnected we all are. I really needed it. In the words of the late, great, TKV Desikachar: "Yoga exists in the world because everything is linked. "
Namaste y’all!
For my full schedule, connect with me at courtneyharmsyoga.com
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Fear...
In early November, 2016, I miscarried. Hearing the words "i can't find a heartbeat" rocked me to my core. Here I was, over three months into my pregnancy, passed the "scary" first trimester, and then in an instant, he was gone. I had struggled in the beginning to get as excited as I wanted to be about the pregnancy, but in the days prior to this particular doctor's appointment, I felt truly joyful about becoming a mom. I was finally embracing all the changes that come with becoming a parent and then in one awful moment, I was suddenly being forced to accept that at this time, that was no longer my reality. I was heartbroken to say the least. A day after this shocking news, Donald Trump was elected the president of the United States. While I don't want to head down a political rabbit hole, in short I felt devastated on several levels. For a moment there, it felt like everything in my world as I knew it was crumbling. All of my expectations, shattered in just 48 hours.
As the days have passed, I have experienced a rollercoaster of emotions. In the moments of calm, I see how fear is whats propelling me into the darker thoughts... fear of the unknown, fear of uncertainty, fear of struggling, fear of disappointment, and fear of experiencing more pain. While feeling fear is totally understandable when going through a challenge, it is a disservice to our well-being to dwell in it. By anticipating and dreading pain in the future, I am creating unnecessary suffering in the present. I realize that if instead I take a step back to observe when i start to feel the fear taking over and I choose to come back to my breath and soften my body, I return myself to the here and now and I can feel myself release some of the struggle. As the fears subside, I can see beyond the overwhelming pile of worries. However, when I indulge in these thoughts and let the fears slowly creep back in - boom! there is that all too familiar heavy weight right back on my shoulders. Instead of immediately reacting, I’ve found this is the time to observe. This is when I have to choose not to focus on all of these uncontrolled circumstances and changes being a bad thing, but instead to try and shift my perspective to 'what is.' By accepting that things will in fact happen differently than I hoped or expected, but not necessarily all for the negative, I can find peace in the present moment.
When things 'go awry,' we usually feel a sense of gripping to what was or what we wanted to happen... it may manifest in the belly as a stomach ache, as a 'lump in the throat' or perhaps most common as a headache. These physical manifestations of grief are caused by a literal tightening of the body that limits "prana" (the sanskrit term for "life force" aka oxygen, energy etc) from flowing. When we 'loosen our grip’ on our bodies, our minds and the world around us, prana starts to flow freely once again. The illusion of control can feel very real in moments, but that sense of control is only as real as the imagined pile of worries that can keep us down...
As I step into 2017, I will try to embrace the unknown with deep breaths and a little hope. One thing we can plan on is that things may not go according to plan and I'm finally starting to truly understand and accept that maybe that's ok.
For classes and to connect, visit, www.courtneyharmsyoga.com
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Love and Loss
When I was 18, my first love, Nate, died in a dune buggy accident. He was the kind of kid that could charm almost anybody. He lit up a room by just walking in it. The day he died, I recall feeling like an actual knife was stabbing at my heart. While I'd experienced difficulties and loss, I had a relatively privileged suburban upbringing with a caring family and for me this was the first time I remember experiencing physical and emotional pain that I couldn't escape from. I felt heavy, dark and beyond lost. At the time, I was a freshman at UC Santa Barbara, briefly back at my family home in Escondido, CA, visiting for the holidays. The weeks that followed are still to this day some of the hardest I've ever been through.
For years, there was a divide in my life: the before and the after. I saw everything through this filter. It was as though I'd gone from innocent and naive to hyper aware and damaged in the blink of an eye.
There I was, at UC Santa Barbara, in one of the most beautiful parts of the world, around brilliant minds and progressive ideas, with a group of fun, supportive friends and there were days I felt like I was drowning. I began to understand just how much darkness exists in the world and no matter how much we try, no one can entirely escape it. I spent a lot of those days partying into the wee small hours of the morning, a great temporary fix for my pain. I exercised some days like my life depended on it. I did it in part for the endorphins, but mostly to try to at least momentarily run away from my own grief. I tried the recommended approach from my family of attending church and therapy sessions, but neither really helped me very much and I honestly spent a lot of that time feeling lonelier and quite depressed.
Sadly, the next few years were full of loss, most notably, my brother's best friend, Jason (who was like a second brother to me) passed away the next Spring and my own father died just a couple Summers later. It wasn't until I started to practice yoga regularly, just out of college, that I came to fully realize my only option was to stop running away and to really feel it; all of it. I had to allow myself to be sad and stop fighting the very real pain I'd been pushing away for five years.
Shortly after finding yoga, I ventured on a solo backpacking trip through Central America and while it was initially on my yoga mat that I felt that clarity, it was later on some of the lonelier nights in hostels all over Costa Rica, Nicaragua, Guatemala, and El Salvador that I started embracing and eventually accepting that perhaps the pain doesn't ever totally go away. I realized that I could begin to embrace everything I'd been through and start to learn to live with the good and the bad. I would feel the immensity of the loss particularly in the evenings and in my vivid dreams. I'd wake up to gorgeous beaches and mountains and ruins, to new friends and to new experiences... I started to feel just how temporary and fleeting the darkest moments were and how quickly a joyful thought, memory or opportunity could shift that feeling. I knew then that this was the practice of yoga 'off the mat' beginning to click for me...
If we can try to allow ourselves to be present with what is and stop resisting reality, our perspectives can truly widen and shift. Through a broader understanding of and more importantly the acceptance of 'the duality of life,' we can all begin to help heal the most hurt parts of the body, mind and spirit.
Namasté
www.courtneyharmsyoga.com
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Show yourself some love
I recently wrote a blog I titled "Feeling old? Don’t believe the hype” and was pleasantly surprised to see how much it resonated with many of my peers. Apparently, I am not the only thirty-something questioning the status quo of age perception. All of the positive responses got me thinking: what are the ways that we can nurture ourselves to make the aging process (aka, life) a more graceful and fun experience?
Perhaps the answer lies in self-love through self-care…
As a hard working yoga teacher, truly investing in self-care can seem time consuming, pricey and even indulgent, but I’ve found the more I commit to acts of self-love through self-care, the more benefits I receive in the long term. I have always believed in eating well and daily exercise, but for a large part of my life that was pretty much the extent of my self-care routine. Slowly and steadily over the past fifteen years, I’ve added practices including yoga, meditation, martial arts and even scuba diving (one of the most meditative things I’ve experienced). All of these practices address both the mind and body. I stopped driving so much and started cycling more. I got back on my skate and surfboards just for the fun of it. I also started getting much needed massages to nurture myself from all that physical activity.
While I absolutely believe in the benefits of creating healthy daily habits. I also see value in always remembering to mix it up and keep things interesting. If you are having fun, you are a lot more likely to incorporate something into your life! In addition, the challenge of learning something new, (the idea of "beginner's mind") can have a positive affect on both the brain and the physical body!
Over the past few months, I've been fortunate to get to try a few “new" (to me) approaches to show my body and mind some love. I was gifted a "floating” session, where you are gravity free for an hour in an epsom salt filled pod. It was a great way to slow down my busy mind, which also encourages the adrenal glands to chill, activating the body's natural detoxification process. In addition, i did a couple work trades for a series of spa treatments. I had an amazing holistic facial that left my skin soft as a baby, I spent time in a infrared sauna and had a couple amazing thai yoga massages leaving my muscles feeling like putty. All of these experiences were positive de-stressors that have known "anti-aging" benefits.
In a city like Los Angeles, many people turn to quick fixes to combat their aging woes. From trendy fad diets and cleanses to botox injections and fillers, people are always seeking a new way to "turn back time" or to simply look and feel better. While one approach is not necessarily "better" than the other, i've found through conversations with my peers and clients that taking the time to create healthy daily and monthly habits will bring the greater long term rewards. Is it hard sometimes? Yes! The answer of course is never to say "screw it" and give up, but instead to find things that truly feed you both mentally and physically.
Perhaps if we all work a little more on self-acceptance and start to see the process of aging as a beautiful thing, we will be nicer to ourselves and subsequently each other. Tapping in to your sense of humor and laughing at the ups and downs of life certainly won't hurt either! The longer I live, the more I see the high highs and joyful moments truly outweigh the challenging moments of looking in the mirror and wishing we saw someone younger looking back. For me, It starts with being comfortable in my skin, every single day... Not everyone gets the chance to grow old, why waste any of this precious time? So much energy is too often given to the negativity of aging. No matter what the media or an insecure thought tells us, youth should no longer be confused with beauty, in fact in many ways, it is the experience of aging that creates beauty itself!
Join me online for yoga and meditation practices at yogisanonymous.com
Big thanks to: 7 e Fit Spa, Pause Float Studio LA, Quality Time Divers and Laetitia Guyot martial arts and yoga (pictured kicking ass ;))
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Feeling old? Don’t believe the hype!
Weeks before my 35th birthday I went to the doctor for my annual check up. As she finished up the exam and told me everything looked great, I knew the baby discussion was coming and I was prepared with my usual "someday" response. Instead, The doctor said, "By the way, Courtney, you are now a candidate for a "geriatric pregnancy!" Now whether your clock is ticking or you don't ever want to become pregnant, the term "geriatric" in regards to a 34 year old is unnecessary and arguably offensive ... She corrected herself when I asked about the seemingly outdated expression by instead adopting the newer "advanced maternal age" as though that was better! Regardless of the fact that I am technically in the last decade plus of my "reproductive years," this was one of many recent moments where people around me are telling me just how old I am, regardless of how I look, how I feel, or even what the science says!
While a negative perception of aging affects both genders, women are bombarded with the idea that there is something less valuable about them as they head toward 40. The expression "over the hill" is amazingly still prevalent... so much of our viewpoint about the stages of life are wrapped up in a time when humans died much younger and therefore our perspective of what is actually "old" is generally bullshit. More notably, we are taught there is something wrong with aging. We are told, in some subtle and not so subtle ways, that we've passed our prime, we are washed up, and in need of fixing to fit the idealized youthful person we were years ago... Remember them? The more insecure, inexperienced, unsettled version of you?! How are they better or more beautiful? They aren't! They are YOU with less experience, less perspective and yes a few less fine lines.
When I look around, I see people of all ages transcending expectations on a daily basis. This strength, confidence, and unique sense of self that only comes with time, has never been so evident. An overwhelming example came over the past month at the Rio Summer Olympics. Dozens of amazing athletes broke their own personal records well into their late 30s, a 41 year old gymnast kicked ass on the vault, and a 52 year old equestrian made history! These few examples are nothing if not a call to abandon our limiting beliefs about aging. While there is not one path for everyone, our bodies and most importantly our minds are more than capable long after 34. In many ways, we are better than ever. Don't believe the hype!
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Riding the Metro
On Friday, May 20th, 2016, the LA Metro's newest addition, the Expo line extension, opened to the public! The much anticipated train connecting Santa Monica to downtown Los Angeles in under 50 minutes has been realized! I have been excited about the idea of the "subway to the sea" for years, (movies like "Her" only made it harder to wait!!) I truly despise bad traffic and I love public transportation and have taken advantage of it in dozens of cities around the world. So needless to say, if the grand opening was my first chance to ride the train's new extension then you know I was all aboard!
That morning, I biked the two miles from my apartment in Venice Beach to the station on 4th and Colorado. Standing in line for a few minutes with hundreds of other eager Angelenos, everyone from the story-filled musician, LA Hopi, to the creepy dude who couldnt stop asking me "what movies he knows me from?" you could feel the anticipation and excitement in the air. We finally boarded the train (it was free the first weekend!) and as a collective community smiled and cheered as the train headed east!
I rode the expo line to the end and exited at the 7th street stop. I spent the afternoon checking out the South Spring street area. I cruised around enjoying the street art, I drank a delicious macchiato in a hole in the wall coffee shop, I wandered in to the very magical, The Last Bookstore...I practiced a little yoga in Pershing square. In just a few hours, I overheard at least two dozen languages spoken, as I explored a fun neighborhood that I normally wouldn't have been so easily exposed to.
The ride west was where things got even more interesting. The excited faces at each stop made an imprint in my memory. People from all walks of life got on the train, some looking a little confused at the process as though it was perhaps their first time on a train, most just appeared really happy to be riding the metro and experiencing their city in this new way. As we rode, dozens of teenagers and young people commented that they hadn't been to the beach in years. One boy who got on near USC said he couldn't remember what the ocean smelled like, and then he took a big breath and smiled so big it took over his face! Here I was excited for the "option" to ride the train, I saw it as an alternative... for some of these people it is their first real chance to access parts of Los Angeles they otherwise couldn't.
As we rolled West, a newscaster came on board to report the story. It was obvious to the large crowd she was struggling to find space to do her thing. At first, people averted their eyes and kept to themselves, but when she almost fell, everyone started communicating and working together to help her and the camera man get through their production. In my 13 years in this city, It was a rare moment in LA where I observed total strangers working together. People of all ages, genders, nationalities etc. were talking and laughing and even bonding over doing the right thing. We were in the moment, enjoying the exceptional experience of pulling into the train station just blocks from the Pacific ocean on the LA Metro Expo line together! We again applauded as we pulled in, smiled at one another, and for at least a moment in time, felt a stronger sense of community. Namaste LA
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Trust your practice
Practice and all is coming- Pattabhii Jois
During my first year of practicing yoga regularly, I can distinctly remember being in ‘single pigeon’ for probably the tenth time in my life. As I surrendered into the pose, a wave of emotions overcame me; somewhere between wanting to laugh and cry. At that time, I didn’t really grasp ‘why' this was happening, but regardless of how uncomfortable and physically intense the posture was feeling in my hips and heart, I remember knowing that this strange new sensation was exactly what I was needing. I felt alive and vulnerable and like energy was starting to shift and open up inside me! My teacher for that class, Sara Ivanhoe, had said, “Soften somewhere, so ‘prana' can flow." and I finally did, and it truly was! I was exactly where I needed to be, physically and mentally in that moment, in order to get in to the spots that demanded attention. It was like a neon sign was lit and the words “Yoga really works!" were flashing vibrantly. Practicing yoga up to that point had always felt transformative, but that day its ‘magic' became quite clear!
The most common question I’ve received from my yoga students over the past ten years is, “How often do I need to do yoga for it to really work?" As much as I’d love to try and ‘prescribe' to a student what they need, there is no exact answer or perfect practice. As we evolve as yogis, we become our own best teacher. It starts to become clear what you need and when you need it. If you are waiting for the moment everything feels "just so" aka the ‘right mood,’ the ‘right day' etc. you will never begin to practice yoga or at most, rarely show up to your mat. If you can let go of the need for your practice to be perfect, in time, your dedication and effort will pay dividends. This mental shift of subtly letting go of expectations will put you directly on a path of well being. Some days you may have just five minutes, other days an hour or more. Just remember, yoga can be practiced anytime, anywhere. Can you get present, breathe fully and bring the practice of mindfulness into more of your daily activities? If the answer is yes, than yoga is really “working” for you.
Find a teacher(s) you connect with online or even better, in person! If a studio or gym gives you a pretentious vibe, go elsewhere! Life is too precious for yoga to be anything but a practical, daily tool to turn to, especially when things get challenging. Great yogis and yoga teachers are all over this world, excited to share the practice and philosophy of yoga. Come and get it!
Find me in studio www.courtneyharmsyoga.com
online classes www.yogisanonymous.com
Namaste y'all
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The art of play...
I have always loved to play! I love games and sports and almost anything physical. I actually like getting dirty and ever since I can remember, I always have! When I was a kid, I got smiles and laughter at my "child like" and "tomboyish" ways, but as I entered my pre-teen years, people started staring as I'd run through a rain puddle or bust a cartwheel down a grocery aisle. It often felt like I was being judged for being immature or maybe the onlooker just wished they could have that much fun in an otherwise mundane moment. It was as though people were asking themselves, "Why is this young woman always moving and jumping and playing.... cant she just sit still and be normal like the rest of us?!!"
Despite the many glares and whispers directed my way, as I have reached adulthood, I've maintained an incredibly playful spirit! As I've evolved and experienced some of the darker times that life throws at you, it is being playful and light that has saved me! When life gets heavy, I handstand, or jump on a trampoline, or tear off my clothes and dive in the ocean! ( most usually putting on a bikini between the last two 😉)
The thing is, life can feel way too serious at times, so not taking yourself too seriously is vital! When we invite a sense of playfulness into the day, we stimulate parts of the brain that create endorphins, seritonin and other natural "feel good" responses in the body and mind. These natural chemical reactions make it easier to step back into the flow of what is actually happening to you in the present. We may be able to breathe more fully in the moment and in turn see a situation without so much resistance. Playfulness reveals new perspectives on any situation, good or bad. It provides clarity on how to deal with life moment to moment and in turn how to productively move forward...no matter what comes your way.
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Life Is Better Upside Down
When I first started practicing yoga 13 years ago, as much as it felt like it was exactly what my body and mind truly needed, it hurt... a lot! I had recently stopped running and dancing competitively and was hoping to heal from numerous injuries, so I could continue to thrive as the active person I’d always been. Confronting my IT bands and hip flexors made me feel old and fragile and at times exhausted. It was only when I’d "invert" aka "go upside down", that the pain and self judgements subsided and I felt the ease of my practice.
As a youngster, I’d been a pretty serious gymnast, so my "muscle memory" was strong. I’d always continued to tumble a bit so at the time, between the stress fractures in my shins and my nagging lower back issues, being on my hands often felt better than being on my feet! I had heard about all the amazing "anti aging" benefits and positive physiological affects in the body: increased circulation and a relaxation response to the nervous system that inverting your body could potentially create. I understood that getting the legs above the heart, and the head below the heart was a very good idea in concept, but it wasn’t until I developed an almost daily inversion practice that it really clicked physically... I was handstanding my way to a natural high!
For many yogis, esp. those that are not acrobatic, inversions including handstand, headstand, forearmstand and shoulderstand, are often the scariest part of the practice. Over time and with consistent practice however, they become the most joyful part. I watch my students progress and am elated when I see them really feel the magic of an inversion! Going upside-down creates the opportunity to shift perspective by literally changing your viewpoint. With a playful approach inverting can lead to a sense of total freedom in the moment. When the joints are aligned and the breath is flowing a feeling of lightness takes over and the "natural high" I mentioned becomes a reality!
There are many ways to get the benefits of going upside-down, your inversion practice can begin with simply lying down and elevating your heels up a wall (or a tree) aka "viparita karani." It can progress to "L pose" where you walk the feet up the wall from a strong down dog! Eventually over time you might find yourself in a handstand! Just remember to start with the basics and breathe through the posture. Trust me, the ‘high' is waiting for you!!!
I am teaching my next inversion workshop, "Going Upside-Down", Sunday 2/21 at 2pm at Studio Surya Yoga in Venice Beach, CA. Sign up now!! [email protected]
Namaste yogis
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Cycling back to sanity
Our relationship may have started out rocky, but 13 years in, I can say with certainty that I love Los Angeles. Like any real relationship, however, it has its pros and cons. Even after all these years of growing and maturing together, there is one thing that still kills me: LA Traffic.
Back when I worked as a production assistant and spent most of my days driving around running errands, I would get extreme anxiety. If had to deal with the 405 freeway, I was guaranteed to lose my shit. I’d literally, shout at the top of my lungs blasting Tupac’s Keep Ya Head Up just to help release a little steam. I'd allow that anxious state of mind to affect the quality of my day, my relationships and even my physical well being. I noticed an unhealthy pattern and knew that unless something shifted, my days in Los Angeles were numbered.
Changing careers into the fitness and wellness world, my driving decreased, and I was a much happier human, but when I did have to commute a lot for work, the traffic remained; a steady reminder of all of the doubts I had when I first moved here. Fast forward a decade in to living in Los Angeles, and my perspective has changed dramatically: I was not a victim of traffic, I was part of the traffic aka “it’s not you…it’s me.” but really.
As a yoga teacher who loves her work, it was clear that the one and generally only thing I didn’t enjoy about my days, was driving from class to class and getting stressed out between clients. I had always ridden my bike along the beach path, and had taken it on quick missions in my neighborhood (Venice Beach), but I’d never seriously considered biking, as a means of getting around this beast of a city! Inspired by concerns for the environment and limiting my own stress levels as well as by the challenge of cycling my way around, I slowly put down my car keys and started commuting by bike.
I have now been commuting almost solely as a cyclist for over two years. I no longer own a car, but I drive once a month or so when the weather is crappy (thank you So Cal! I also take uber and the LA Metro when I’m going really long distances or wearing high heels ;))
Trust me cycling can be dangerous, but it is meditative one moment, thrilling the next and when done instead of driving, so very rewarding! All I can say is grab your helmet, your lights, a trusty u-lock and hit the town peeps! Not everyone can ride daily, but most of us can opt to leave the car at home on at least a weekly basis. One thing I know for sure, I am more fit and truly happier than I've ever been living in the City of Angels. Namaste LA
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Living and learning in the City of Angels
When I moved to Los Angeles in 2003, I was a 22 year old recent college graduate excited for the changes and challenges that the "real world" would present. From the get go, however, I wasn't so sure about living specifically in LA. I had the same unfortunate perspective on the sprawling metropolis that many people do; I basically saw it as a freeway, full of traffic and smog, that you had to trek through between the good parts of this beautiful state.
Having been born in Santa Cruz, raised in San Diego and gone to college in Santa Barbara, I was a 'Californian geographical elitist' so to speak. But with an internship lined up at the Slamdance film festival offices and a boyfriend I adored in town, I decided to give it a shot.
The first months living here in LA were brutal. I spent a month in the valley, some time crashing in Hollywood and initially struggled to find a good job. After several failed attempts, a film friend helped me to land a PA gig working in FX on feature films. That same week on a Craigslist score, I found an incredible cottage to share with great people in the middle of Venice Beach! I was sure, that at last, it was the universe setting the table for my new life in the film world.
Just a few weeks in to my new job, however, I began to have a strong feeling that maybe this wasn't exactly the industry for me. It was harsh. I was reminded daily by my boss that I was expendable. I was driving from one end of town to the other, delivering tapes to production studios and picking up meals for demanding producers. I got two traffic tickets in a matter of weeks! I decided to try my hand at auditioning in the commercial world as a dancer in my spare time, but mostly encountered more of the same negativity. I felt as though life was becoming one hard letdown after another with tiny blips of joy in between. I had more than a few moments, where I wanted to pack up and move and swore I hated LA. Retreating to my bestie's couch in her tiny NYC apartment was becoming a shinier option by the minute!
The thing was, on my bad days, I started to use the city to my advantage. I was learning the "local's secrets" and started to embrace being out of my comfort zone. On my off days and evenings, I began exploring the city's vast art scene, incredible music venues, dance and yoga studios, and amazing nature (Yes, nature!) I fell in love with seeing my favorite musicians at the magical El Rey theater, dancing with the best at The Edge performing arts center and practicing yoga with the sikhs and supermodels at Golden Bridge. I was loving the street art and the gallery openings and the late night hip hop shows, I couldn't get enough of the taco truck runs, the early morning beach time and the beautiful hikes in Runyon and Temescal Canyons! I was truly digging where I lived almost every single day.
Through my adventures in this city I unknowingly was discovering my passions; what I really wanted to share with the world, aka "do for work." When I reflected on my days, the things I enjoyed most were when I was helping people and the rewards of my new found yoga practice. I drifted away from production in to the fitness and wellness industry as a gymnastics and dance teacher, then as a personal trainer and eventually into my true love: a yoga teacher. It was specifically after returning from a long backpacking trip in Central America in 2004 that my gratitude for this city was fully realized. My eyes were open to the privileges, my perspective had shifted, I had begun to appreciate all the City of Angels had to offer!
The diversity of the people, the creative energy and the opportunities here in LA, are like no where else I've lived or even traveled to. An energy of optimism is obvious in Los Angeles as though almost anything is possible. The metro system is evolving daily, bike lanes are popping up constantly, and the attitude of growing up, not out is changing the landscape. The city is far from perfect, but this yogini loves it just as it is and is excited to continue observing its evolution! Namaste, LA.
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The Yoga Selfie
Rarely is a topic as divisive in the yoga community as the "Yoga Selfie."
For as many yoga asana photos as I see on social media, there are an equal number of posts, comments and blogs about why these same photos are destroying what is "sacred" about yoga... I disagree.
I have been practicing yoga for over twelve years and teaching for nine. I see myself as a student even when I am leading class. This philosophy called Yoga is so rich and multifaceted and yet at the same time, so very simple. It is a practice in effort and ease, strength with flexibility, control and surrender. It is not a competition, physically or philosophically. One yogi may interpret the eight limbed path different than another. There is truly space for us all.
Critics of the 'yoga selfie' often highlight the bragadocius nature of these images, referring to the cheapening of "yoga" based on several factors; including the style of dress or lack thereof. While that intention may be true for a few, in these same images, I choose to see a human sharing their passion and taking back their power! Have the critics missed the whole point? To move and practice and play is at the heart of yoga asana. How beautiful is the idea of feeling so free and comfortable in one's skin that they can return to a place of stillness with a sense of ease? In a society that is so quick to impose shame on the physical form, it is a brave act to celebrate this amazing body of ours, whatever shape or size.
Another major critique of the 'yoga selfie' is that it takes the place of a more focused yoga practice. Personally, I don't know a single yogi who is posting 'yoga selfies' and not getting on their mat almost every day. My favorite Instagram feeds are the teachers/ practitioners who sweat it out with me in class, workshops and teacher trainings without iphone cameras! Now after class? In addition to a home practice? When inspired by nature, art, music, movement...? Thats a different story!!! How can we be so quick to criticize an image of self expression, if we are truly practicing yoga? What one person views as destructive to the "serious side" of yoga within a handstand or backbend post, another could just as easily find inspiration and/or motivation! Some might even view it as a true celebration of being alive!
Yes, at times, the 'yoga selfie' may be self serving 😉 or even being used for commercial purposes, but to me the heart of their practice always shines through. The term 'yoga' is often translated to mean union. In a world where there is so much driving us apart, perhaps the yoga community can be a place where we feel supported, even within our disagreements. A community that can actually hold space for discussion and discourse, not limited by assumptions and negativity. We all have so much more in common than we do different. Haters are always gonna hate, but keep doing you! If it feeds the soul, post on yogis!
Namaste!
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Diving into the flow
The first time I went scubadiving I was terrified. I felt somewhere between the little mermaid and totally out of control.There I was in the crystal blue waters of Roatan and I wasnt sure if I could 'let go' enough to really do this thing called scuba! I struggled to relax on the surface of the ocean panicking as the waves crashed over my head, choking to catch my breath. I felt embarassed that my nerves were taking over because I usually thought of myself as a tough girl having looked up to my dad, a badass swimmer (who had once beat olympic gold medalist Mark Spitz in a freestyle race!) This type of fear, was not something I was used to. The 'what ifs' echoed in my mind, but I knew I had to continue! I'd had this goal of getting PADI certified for a long time, and I am a stubborn one. 😉
Between self determination, tons of encouragement from my instructor, (Dewi, the "Dutch diving Diva") and a shift back to focusing on the simplicity of my breath, I slowly got more comfortable. I was truly drawn to the adventure and intrigued by the wild life... there was no turning back! The reef itself was incredible. I saw colors I didnt know existed! I swam with octupus, rays, eels, barracuda and sea turtles, there was nothing quite like it. By my third open dive, I remember the feeling of surrender or as divers say, "going limp". I felt myself in a state of gratitude and started to be in the flow of the immediate beauty all around me. I was truly present. I was meditating.
Diving has specifically shown me that I can handle being in a place where I won't be able to speak for a long period of time and I will, in fact, be ok. I'm a talker, so this idea was very new and actually scary for me. There are many inherent risks involved in scubadiving, including coming up too soon, so overreacting is not an option. I learned to simply trust myself and allow the experience to happen. When I released that grip I had on how things should be, they became so much more rewarding exactly as they are.
A quiet mind does not come easy to most, I am no exception. For me, experiencing that peace even for short periods has been liberating. In that sense, diving has become another part of my yoga practice... just me, myself and I, breathing in, and breathing out. I now know I have the ability to tap in to that state of connection with myself and the natural world, trusting in the here and now, embracing the entirety of it all; the fear and the joy, the dark and the light.
To join me on my next yoga and scuba adventure log on to www.courtneyharmsyoga.com
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